| Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself.
First of all, I LOVE THE PICTURE!!! How do you find such great items? Now that that's out of the way, it does go great with the poem, which is also pretty darn good. I enjoyed the imagery and I think you did well incorporating Stormy's words into it.
No real grammatical problems with the poem, so good job with that aspect.
Overall Flow of Rhythm/Stanzas:
There were only a couple of places where I stumbled over the wording of the poem. It may be just me. But overall the poem flowed well. And I only question having the one last line at the end, but poet's prerogative on that end.
In the first stanza, I would suggest deleting the word "shall" in the third verse. This is one of the words I stumbled over when reading.
In the third stanza, I think the last word in the third line should be "degrees". Sort of an inch by inch kind of thing.
In the fourth stanza, I would suggest deleting the word "The" in the first verse. In the Fourth verse I'm not sure if you want to keep it "eye" or change it to "eyes".
In the fifth stanza, the first two verses the wording seems a bit strange. Perhaps..."The horizon shrinks the future. (end line) Here and now is all I see." In the fourth line, I would suggest deleting the word "as".
In the very last line. I might suggest..."Upon a Pale Horse lay a broken heart."
Last but not Least:
As I mentioned, I do indeed like the poem and thought the imagery was wonderful. And remember any of my suggestions are just that. And good luck in the contest.
** Image ID #1937903 Unavailable **