I was blind sided by this turn of events.. I thought of many different paths this could take but you dear author not only told a tale but told it well!!!!
You descriptions here are right on target. Reading this wonderful story took me to that exact place. The canvas of my mind, you painted well my friend. I will return again soon!!!
Your friend
John
I feel a strange power,
That didn’t go with a shower.
This sounds and feels a little trite to me....
I always feel hungry,
But not for any luxury.
I dont mean to hurt you by any means... I feel this is worthy of being a great poem
I just think that some work would help it to come around.
You have attempted to rhyme some words that dont fit right...
You start this poem out with a form...
A light
A sight
B deep
B sleep
However you change it by not keeping this form which is quite distinctly in place after your stansa...
Sometimes its better to write free form and not worry about rhyme or form. It seems that you strive to keep rhyme in place but it just isnt performing this feat..
I am sure that with some work this will shine my friend
JOhn
I cant wait till I check out more of your awesome graphics.
I am hopeing to be able to draw a stick man one day using graphics.... The reason I say this I have a poem entitled stickman and hopefully my photoimpact 8 can handle this... Its just the operator that I fear..LOL
your friend
John
For a newbie your quite an artist!!! You alliteration is second to none
I see you going far here. I am looking forward to reading more of your works!!!!
Welcome to writing.com I think you will be a great asset to us here
Your friend
John
If you need some help getting around feel free to email me... Dont be afraid to ask me or anyone here. There is some very special people here.
I hope this helps some...
Bravo my fellow author!!! What you have said you have said well!!!!
You have taken an uncontrollable force and lashed it down so we can look at it and see it for what it really is Mother Nature at her worst and finest!!!
Thank you my fellow poet. Your words are the bread the a hungry man fiests on!!!
Dang... Your poem sends shivers down my spine... I am a father and its stories whether its in poetry or novels that make me terrorized about others that are parents and the limits of their anxieties. This is so intense....
I havent visited your port before I dont believe but this is one poem Iwont forget....
You wrote this like someone that actually served in the Army and had experienced this first hand.. I have met many who served in Nam, but fortunately it was before they became the killers that they had to become...
I was at ft Polk in the mid to late sixtys so I know many a man that had to make the descision that you are now writing about ... I went down the same obstacles courses, put up tents side by side with them and also watched many train and learn about the traps they set up for our men to fall victim to.
Nice story... its about a sad subject but your descriptions are remarkable!!!!
your meter isnt consitant (you know the syllable counts per line) but that doesnt bother this reader. YOu have stressed a few places to make the rhyme.
You have a great story told in a poem and the moral is something that you dont have to tell the reader but since you did it somehow enhances the depth of the story and solidifies the foundatiion.
Thank you for a wonderful post my friend
Your friend
John
I think that like you say in your books presentation that you are a woman that follows her heart and this folder proves to me this reader that who ever you share your heart with is one very lucky man!!!!
I hope one day to find a woman that thinks this about me!!!!
Nice is this a haiku... sorry I didnt count the syllables..
There are many forms of poetry that I have yet to try... I have tried my hand a Haiku a few times... One of the most frequent things I am told is that it would be a lot better if i added a few more stansas..
I dont know for the life of me how I could have missed this wonderful guest visitor book you have here!!!!!
I will rectify this very shortly my dear friend and reviewer.
BTW I will have a book of poems coming out soon... You have read them all already for they are on display in my port... However I have added a couple since your last visit
There are a few rough areas I stumble on as I read this poem....
"as you wonder where they're taken far"
Im not quite clear on this are you saying, were they are taken for... I dont know it is awkward for a reader to understand and say aloud. It just dont mesh
Also the beguinning really causes the reader to stop... Presentation is 99% of the sale... we are not selling here but we are presenting. Here is the part Im talkiing about:
"First there is that shock of Fate
that plunged deep in their predujiced hearts"
My question is ... is it the jews that are prejudiced.. if so you have correctly written this... but I think your talking about the master race (yea right) the germans
I just think a little tweaking will greatly improve the thought your trying to convey here... However I could be wrong...
Hang in there you will get it... the Idea behind this with the recipe is quite original and one that I really find interesting!!!!
I was thinking you were a younger person... I didnt have a clue... hey I was not just a member of the clueless group but the president too.
It seems you have done your homework here. I think that I am not quite clear on this issue... I am leaning toward the pro life tho... I believe that is my stand... without going back and re reading this indepth researched work I am inclined to go with if it is a fertalized egg then it was meant to be. In the case of rape however I believe that it should be a matter for the mother to decide.
Im impressed
Thank you for the invite to your story but at this time i am busier than a june bug in a hen house
This remarkable poem reads like a narrative that shows the depths that you go to in your research and your emotions to describe the sad events that transpired.
I cannot say enough about the descriptive and event filled narrative I have had the honor to read here.
I am filled with mixed emotions from this read.
I hope to read many more of your wonderful posts here my friend
John
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