An abberation >>> aberation. Otherwise, I found nothing to suggest as a change. This poem is nicely written, with some excellent alliteration. I had never seen an A to Z poem previously, and this one is impressive. Nice work!
Thought-provoking poem....better to not hear or to hear bad news from an ex-love?? Nicely written. I liked the 2-3 rhyme used here.
The only place I have a suggestion is "As my life seems to fly slowly by." 'Flying slowly by' seems a contradition. Normally when one speaks of one's life or time flying by it means how quickly time is passing. Was this intentional, or would some other verb than fly be better here?
This was well-written, but had more loose ends than you usually have...
My suggestions for you to consider:
rush her senses(,) and she never hesitated
on these trips(.) I never could pull off keeping my cool(,) and I'd
Usualy....
join with she and she alone. >>>with her and her
Gina charged her $30 purchase >>> You got 2 for $3. She got 8. So why wouldn't hers be more like $12 than $30??
bag crisply(,)and we turned
reached our apartment(,) we both went
The ending is somewhat unsatisfactory as it introduces a totally surprising idea that has little/nothing to do with her chocolate affair, i.e. practicing Buddhism killed her. For purposes of this story I might end it : "Gina knew how to create beauty all around her, through some strange magic of empathy and intelligence. She immersed herself in this experience…in every experience with a fierce tenacity."
echoed nothing but silence >> Is it technically possible to echo silence?? LOL
Since the neighbor watching my children needed to be home herself, my mother had left me to care for her grandchildren. >>> This confused me. Her grandchildren and my children are the same here (although not necessarily so, if they were a sister's/brother's children referred to as her grandchildren), plus it could be read as she left me to be the one to do the caring. All in all, a poorly worded sentence, I think.
home town. >> hometown
grave-side >>> graveside
to his home town...
take his baby girl to her final resting place. He vaguely remembered the funeral home, the simple grave-side service >>>> If married, is it not the mother's hometown also? Wouldn't it be our hometown, our baby?? Why would the mother not attend the services, or the services be postponed until she could?? This part confused me!
go with him; although, a few friends had offered >>> with him, although a few
Overall, well done...with a few rough passages early on.
Wonderful alliteration all throughout this one! I also liked the way you repeated the "...taught me to be.." at the end of each stanza. Quite nicely written!!
Finally exhuastion brought quiet and sleep to the young woman, even if rest stayed hidden. >>>> exhaustion >> rest stayed hidden struck my ear funny, maybe rest remained elusive.... (or some such).
Grabbing her robe off the end >>> off or from ??
a parttime job >>> part-time
dreaming of whatever children dreamed. >>> dream, not dreamed
(")How strange," she thought. (")John never appeared so, so out of control before.(") Remembering
"Everyone know(s)
a small(,) tent(a)[i]tive smile.
Wow, Viv, this is a lot of errors for you!
Cheers!
Harry
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