This is a good essay about trees for children. It makes many important and valid points. It is written so as to be understandable by children.
I have a few suggestions for your consideration:
heart[-]diseases(,) etc.
into parks and [W](w)ild life sanctuaries.
summer ([more] hot(ter)) and winter ([more] cold(er)). >>>>>> hotter...colder
give us so much, taking nothing in return! >>>> I disagree that trees take nothing in return. They occupy space and use land that could be farmland, subdivisions, shopping centers, etc. That is why they are cut down to allow development. Not a good thing, but understandable in developing countries. After all, it is exactly what happened first in Europe, then in America, and now is happening in developing Third World countries.
This is a wonderfully heart-warming story! You did a great job writing this.
I have just a few suggestions for you to consider:
down the silky(,) dark hair now
for a quick hug(,) then sat where
did what he was supposed to do, God took him back to heaven to be with [h](H)im.”
Can I see the dec or a shun, please(?)[.]
eyes to her mother(,) then to
“We didn’t know . . . She went on the roof . . .”
>>>>>> This is a weakness in the plot to me. How would a 3-year-old be able to climb to the top of the roof, especially to do so unseen?
Overall, I really enjoyed this and found it to be well-done!
This poem seems to be a good entry in the contest to use the required prompt. It was a humorous and interesting read. My only suggestion for improvement would be to use punctuation correctly throughout. At present, its use is inconsistent.
I have but these few suggestions for you to consider:
The doctors in the small community[,] where my daughter and family lived[,] couldn’t seem to discover
Now they sent her by medi-flight to the hospital here. Tracy would arrive within the hour with my three-year-old grandson. >>> No need to repeat this. We read it for ourselves in the paragraph above.
>>>>Also, it seems rather strange that a daughter would send such infornation in an e-mail instead of calling and talking in person??
“Uh, winnings?” I asked [aloud].
In fact(,) you should have
the attorney James and I had used all our married lives[,] and who had probated
This poem has a really good feel about it. I like the subject matter!
A few suggestions for you to consider:
Tiny fingerprint smudges[,]
On the windows of memory[,]
Leave reminders that tickle my mind
As once again I see baby faces
Pressed against the glass, looking back at me.
>>>>> Removing these two commas smooths the flow.
>>>>> Faces pressed against the glass would leave forehead and nose and mouth smudges rather than fingerprint smugdes.
No longer chubby, faces beam with smiles,
Unless I tightly squint,
Then briefly find remnants
Of the cherubs they used to be.
>>>>>>> This was confusing to me: "...faces beam with smiles unless I tightly squint.." = ??
Maybe:
No longer chubby, faces beam with smiles[,](.)
[Unless] (If)I tightly squint,
Then briefly (I can) find remnants
Of the cherubs they used to be.
This has definite promise and is well worth finishing and polishing, I think.
A few suggestions for you to consider:
[y](Y)ou dance upon the glistening sand(,)[.]
[T](t)he wind swept surf[,] caressing your hand.
A part of my dreams coming alive, >>> multiple dreams or dream's ??
my hearts with you, this starry night. >>> multiple hearts or heart's ??
In this last line and throughout, you use a lot of commas to break lines. Are you deliberately trying for a short (choppy) read?
"my hearts with you, this starry night." has a pause at the comma whereas "my hearts with you[,] this starry night." would read/flow smoother. Which do you want?
Likewise: I still can not bear[,] when we are apart.
As arrows fly and comrades run. >> not a sentence!
bloody and broke(n),
I strike the grasp of sea king(')s land[,](.)
Oh(,) how my heart[,] wishes for your hands!
I'm lo[o]sing strength,
the Deathland(')s brink.
My mind dwells[,] in darkness and drea[r](d),
Why am I forced[,] to kill these souls?
I think you get the idea. This poem requires a lot of reworking...but it is worth doing!
This seems to me to be a well-done Lilibonelle poem.
You paint lovely images of a lazy, breezy, sunny day. The structure seems to have been correctly followed.
The punctuation is correctly done...a real rarity to find in most poems posted!
One suggestion: "as it's roots dig deeper.." >> its
An exercise in alliteration! I enjoyed the read, taking it as great fun. (Some might find the alliteration as a tad too much....but phooey on them! LOL)
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