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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
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Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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Short Stories and better at Poetry
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576
576
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Moarzjasac

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  . This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"  and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central" .

*MailB* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a very melancholy write which I found thoughtful and well written. The feeling of a dreamlike state isn't lost in the telling but the ache for crossing to reality is unmistakeable.

*MailO* Creativity/Impact:
I thought the imagery in this was wonderful. The seeking in dreams as "She touches/ with a single fingetip / and writes her story in ripples blue." was a beautiful metaphor and one that immediately was identifiable.

*MailG* Plot/Content:
You write of a dream; whether conjured from your fantasy or a reflection of real life is left ambiguous and this opens up the interpretation to the readers own experiences as all good poetry does. It is both a poem of praise and of warning for experience has told you that such beauty is often sought by means that are false. You end by questioning how to tell the difference. My own reaction is that you lost a bit of focus as the poem progressed. Intitially, I felt this was more in praise of this woman and appreciation for the beauty she brought into your life. As the poem progressed, it became more of a warning and yet, without contact, who were you warning? Yourself or her?

*MailR* Technique/Technical Notes:
You asked what separates poetry from prose. "You'll know it when you see it." comes to mind *Laugh*. Generally, poetry is piece of literature written by a poet in meter or verse expressing various emotions which are expressed by the use of variety of techniques including metaphors, similes and onomatopoeia. The emphasis on the aesthetics of language and the use of techniques such as repetition, meter and rhyme are what are commonly used to distinguish poetry from prose. In this case, my view is that this is a poem written in free verse. *Smile* You've used all the elements of traditional poetry without rhyme.

I noted that you used punctuation which is great *Smile*. Just like traffic lights, they help direct the reader. My only caution is to be consistent. For example, in the next to final verse, you capitalized the second line (as in traditional poetry) which was inconsistent with the approach you took previously. It's a small matter but one you should be aware of. You also wrote in complete sentences (good *Thumbsup*) but occasionally (as in the final verse) you truncated the sentence as "just an echo." and added a period where one wasn't needed. I would also recommend not having very long verses (as in verse 8), If you keep a consistency of verse length, it "feels" more poetic and less prose-like.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I found this beautifully haunting and really enjoyed the wonderful imagery you've created in this. I think you have a poet's eye for imagery and finding rich images to express your emotions. There are some techinical improvements you can make that will help the reader find the full beauty in this without the minor distractions that pull the eyes away. That, however, is a matter of refinement - the poetry remains regardless. Thank you for sharing your talent and vision with me today. I'm returning your GPs *Smile* There's no need for them; reading this was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
577
577
Review of Daddy  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Kiya ...

Saw this in today's Poetry Newsletter and had to take a peek *Smile* What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. I see this was written many years ago - I hope he's still here to inspire you although, no matter what, I'm sure he will continue to inspire. That's the way "stubborn mules" we have in our lives tend to be.

Thank you for sharing your inspiration with us all.

Ken
578
578
Review of Georgia Clay  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Chandler *Smile*

There's music in this *Smile* Great flow and movement inherent in the words you wrote. A few of the rhymes missed a bit (feet/free, pines/climes) but overall a fun poem to read. You should expand this into a lyric!

Thanks for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Ken
579
579
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Delirium *Smile*

Not silly at all! I thought this was downright cute and very playful. I liked it!

The last line of verse 1 "the way you do so gay." just hit me as very awkward. Gayly is the adverb form of the word since I'm sure you weren't referring to the orientation of the bird *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your talent and imaginatin with me today.

Ken
580
580
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Chris *Smile*

A nice wistful poem about love and it's often mystifying aspects - why someone loves and another doesn't.

Nice solid rhymes (one or two "near rhymes" angels/trammels *Smile*) but the overall flow read well. Good emotional depth and the effective use of the repetition.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Ken
581
581
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply beautiful! I love the line "We are given the gift of the moment. it was never to be simply mine." If I were the tearful type, this would have done it *Smile*. 5 *Star* all the way!

Ken
582
582
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi jaya

It's just me, Ken *Smile*, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Earth, my safe haven"  [E] on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge"  [ASR].

*FlowerB* First Impression/Thoughts:
How beautiful! You transported be to the other sider of the globe with this enchanting vision seen through your eyes.

*FlowerR* Creativity/Impact:
I found this totally original and captivating. Your descriptions of the Asian world are remarkable - just enough detail to entice the reader but not overdone to the point of obscuring the message. *Thumbsup*

*FlowerT* Content:
You write to the encroachment of pollution, "from the slopes and on the glaciers of the tall Himalayas" to "the Coramandel coast along the length of
the Bay of Bengal." Your words paint an exotic picture of the splendors of this world and remind us of the beauty - oft unseen by many - that may be lost to us and to the future. What I liked most was that you presented this as a gentle but powerful warning without being "preachy." This read more as a lament, a poem, expressing grief, regret, or mourning. A wonderful write.

*FlowerY* Technical Notes:
With a poet of your stature, I'm not going easy on you *Laugh*. Written in free-verse, there are few rules other than a need to retain "a poetic feel." I really read this more as prose than poetry and, I'll be honest, I can't really tell you why. That said, it was beautiful to read. From a technicas standpoint, in the second verse you wrote "is not alas! spared ..." The exclamation point is the same as a period so really, for emphasis, just set off the word "alas" in commas.

*RainbowL*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:*RainbowR*
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Simply a joy to read! In spite of my hesitations, the beauty of this is deserving 5 *Star*. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you sunshine and blue skies,

Ken
April 22nd is Earth Day!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
583
583
Review of Kunti  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi oscines

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Kunti"  [E] as a fellow Rising Star and on behalf of the "Random Thoughts and Cares"  [13+]

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Love the message *Smile* - not so much the messenger (form) *Frown* ... be patient, I'll explain below.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
This is an intriguing poem. The concept/idea behind it is wonderfully simple but very worthy. I really enjoyed that you took the time to show the evolution from the opening thought "I was a girl / With a little secret trapped inside, / Begging to be let out. " to the inverse position. I think many will read this and go "Yeah - I've been there!" Great idea.

*Star* Plot/Content:
This is a well developed tale of the emotional side of us. How we begin holding things within and end up trapped by our actions. I really found the personification of time both creative and identifiable in the lines "Time did not suffocate my secret; Time did not snuff it out. She took it in her arms, Cradling, crooning, caressing it fondly. I found, however, that the poem felt a bit uneven. You move from the flowing verse on time to a verse on your "formless, formidable fury." While I appreciate the wonderful alliteration *Smile*, it left me scratching my head. When I got to " Icicles - Whose coldness clasp(s) my gaze." I couldn't relate it to all that went before and came after.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Written in free-verse with elements to concrete (or visual) poetry, I harkened back to my own attempts (and comments that I received). The key to free-verse - and what separates it from prose - is despite its freedom, must still display some elements of form. It must have a poetic "feel." I think that using traditional elements such as verses helps that, there's also a sense of flow that has to be kept. Your opening verse is a great example of that. As you transition from line to line, you feel an unfolding of the words that carry you along. When you moved into the realm of visual poetry (in which the typographical arrangement of words is as important in conveying the intended effect as the conventional elements of the poem, such as meaning of words) I couldn't make the connection. Why you chose one word over another to place in juxtaposition to the norm seemed random. You offset "Stronger, Sharper, Starker, Livid" in a manner that I interpreted as "scattered" which is not what you meant at all. Just as something to think about, capitalizing the first letter of each line is, to my mind, an obsolete practice that serves no purpose except to interrupt flow. I know many still do it but typically a captial letter is the start of a sentence. We instinctively pause when we see one. No *Laugh* I'm not "free-verse" bashing. I've read brilliant works in this form. But, for each word you use and place, there should be a reason that's obvious (even if not understood) to the reader.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I think this is a wonderful story with layers of meaning and, in the end, that's the purpose of poetry - to open the eyes of the reader to the simple truths that we overlook each day. You did that! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
584
584
Review of Dewdrops  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Christina~Thanks StoryMaster

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dewdrops"  [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I was drawn to this both by the title and the fact that you recently changed this. I'm always curious *Smile*. I'm not sure that I saw this as a "tough moment in love" but rather as a case of a reluctant or fearful heart. I guess in that sense, it was tough on you.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Well, I must admit that your metaphorical talents were shining here. I found it refreshingly different that you used a water metaphor for your feelings and in your descriptions.

*Music1* Content:
As you are an accomplished writer and poet, I don't need to tell you about the importance of titles. I never felt a connection between "Dewdrops" and what I read other than the many water-related words you used. You begin with "stars" and "mist" and then seemed to abandon those ideas. I thought the poem was well done but it almost seemed as if you changed focus after the first 3 lines. I did love the emotional content in this - and you're hesitancy (perhaps fear?) to fully commit was a central theme. There's much here to praise but some of it was just confusing to me. Maybe I'm just being thick *Smile* and if so, my apologies.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I saw absolutely nothing that I could offer a suggestion on. Your attention to the crafting of this was excellent! *Thumbsup*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Ratings are very subjective and I was torn trying to be fair and yet true to my own reaction. I think you've written a wonderfully emotional piece but some of what you were trying to express was overcome by my own confusion in parts. I thank you for sharing this glimpse into your feelings with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
585
585
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Joe 45

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Interstellar Yenta"  [13+]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"  and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central" .

*MailB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A wonderfully told tale! This was a fun read!

*MailO* Creativity/Impact:
This one of those stories that I read and think "I wish I had thought of this!" *Laugh* After reading this, I'm glad I didn't - I don't know that I could have done as well as you. Great premise, well told.

*MailG* Plot/Content:
The title tells the high-level plot. That's always a good way to begin - make every word count. You build up the story in layers, each one pulling the reader further into this sci-fi tale of matchmaking in the future. Great details both involve the senses and make this setting real. You use descriptions deftly, not overpowering the story in minutae but giving us a clear sense of what's happening ... all the way to your twist (ed? *Laugh*) ending. Just excellent!

*MailR* Technique/Technical Notes:
The story, like Eight Gables, was flawless *Smile* but there were a few minor technical polishes I could recommend:

In paragraph 1 you wrote: "Alverta had seen every kind of creature pass through those doors, (remove comma) into the foyer of the best office on the top floor of the tallest scraper in Pan Angeles. Females and males from across the galaxy sought the services of the Hart Finder Agency, (remove comma) for the simple reason ..."

In paragraph 2 you wrote: "As the longtime executive secretary at Hart Finder, Alverta had seen them all come through, desperate for the perfect mate. Not all of them became clients, (remove comma) as Hart Finder had standards to uphold, prospect screening protocols, (and) minimum standards. Criminals, perverts, the clinically insane, or the simply bored were swiftly weeded out. Of the thousands who did become clients, many were handsome or pretty. Alverta’s long experience had taught her that good looks alone did not guarantee luck in love, (remove comma) and (comma) at times (comma) even became an obstacle."

In paragraph 13: ". At least, (not) until now."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* What an enjoyable read! I happen to love scifi and humor, especially when together and done well. I will be recommending this one! Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. (And, yes, I'm returning your GPs - reading this was reward enough.)

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
586
586
Review of TABLE FOR ONE  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Julie - COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "TABLE FOR ONE"  [ASR] on behalf of "The Talent Pond" .

*MailB* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a beautiful story of constancy and faithfulness. Your words recall the days when such things were held in high regard and honor was more than a word.

*MailO* Creativity/Impact:
Anyone who's been to war will appreciate the simple beauty of this. Each reader will enjoy "a table for one" set by you.

*MailG* Plot/Content:
The tale of a wife waiting ... the tale of the unsung hero's of every conflict. You begin this up with a gentle scene, although it hides a mystery at first blush: A beautiful woman dining alone but without comment by those around her. In your beautiful words, you go on to solve the mystery with subtleness and surety. You have shown the honor of vows and the faithfulness of the heart. Well done.

*MailR* Technique/Technical Notes:
This was written in four quatrains with an abcb rhyme. Your flow is perfect and the rhymes are solid. Technically, this shows the hand of a master craftsman (or person *Bigsmile*). Not a comma out of place *Smile*. You might want to look at the last line of verse 2. You have "set" but my mind says "sit" I think both work. Maybe it's a potatoe/pototoe thing *Laugh*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I understand why this is one of your favorites - it is now one of mine! Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent and this beautiful tale with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
587
587
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Ducttape Knight

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Stranger at the Diner"  [13+]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"  and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central" .

*MailB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A enjoyable read. I like the plot line and the subtle twists and turns you've woven into this fantasy/adventure.

*MailO* Creativity/Impact:
A well thought out tale. The creativity aspect of it was diminished, for me, because of the familiarity of the character names. "Harry" - as a wizard - was too reminiscent of Harry Potter and "Morlocks" is right out of the Time Machine. I think the impact of this would be greatly enhanced if you created more distinct characters.

*MailG* Plot/Content:
As I said, the plot itself was solid and enjoyable. The opening was good, setting the stage with a deft hand for Harry's unique abilities. I think you may have missed an opportunity with Cara's burgeoning abilities to show her unrecognized skills. I thought this was implied with the suddenly appearing apron but it was, perhaps, to subtle. You did a nice job of building the suspense with the arrival of the stranger. The inevitable confrontation between Harry and the Morlock was handled with aplomb. You have several really great descriptive phrases such as "cutting the words from the very air, and his tongue was the blade." Elements such as this really add vitality and imagery to your story. I loved the ending! Cleverly done and left me with a smile.

*MailR* Technique/Technical Notes:
I noted several small errors and I'll email you a copy of the story with all my observations. Here are a few examples:

*Check* I notice that you have a tendency to start a lot of sentences with conjunctions. For example, in paragraph 2 ". And more than one of the ladies ..." By my count, you used "and" over 10 times *Smile*. It really doesn't add to meaning or impact of the sentences and could be removed without notice.
*Check* In paragraph 3 you wrote about the entance of the "man" and in the next sentence say "Cara looked and saw a man in a black suit." Rather than using man redundantly, add a different descriptor such as "saw a tall figure in a dark suit." This fills out his look and avoids the feeling of having just read it.
*Check* In paragraph 5, you wrote "Giving a shrug to no one in particular and putting it from her mind, she lifted the straps over her head and settled her apron over her white shirt with its thin blue stripes going up and down, and reached behind her back to tie it while heading back to the front." I'd recommend breaking down long sentences into smaller bites *Smile* Following that, you wrote: "So intent on tyeing tying the knot ..."
*Check* Paragraph 9: "something about this man made her sent goosebumps up her arms." Too many activites going on LOL.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A good tale, well told. For the most part, this was well done but it needs a bit of polishing to remove the minor mistakes that detract from the reading. You want the reader to focus on the story. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
588
588
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KezP

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Horses don't like Gummi Worms"  [E]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"  and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central" .

*MailB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Awww. What a cute tale. I found this very charming and a fun read. I could see this happening and - yes - I did get a chuckle out of it. I think you captured the wondeful innocence of childhood here.

*MailO* Creativity/Impact:
Having horses myself, I was immediately attracted to the title. Knowing they don't like gummi worms, I had to see how you found out *Laugh*. I thought the story was very creative, capturing the wonderul creativity and imagination of youth.

*MailG* Plot/Content:
This is a story about an encounter at a fair between a lady (who you never name) and a young man, Thomas. You did an excellent job in describing the precocious and fearless nature of 6+ year olds *Smile*. I think you captured his essence in your words: “It’s a secret though, so you have to promise not to tell anyone.” is the quintessential phrase of the young and you had my attention from then on. A very well told and constructed story.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Actually, this was very well written. I saw only a few minor items to comment on:

*Check* In paragraph 7 you wrote: “A couple of years ago when I was little – “, he puffed his chest out importantly." You need to add just a bit to make it complete sentence or tie it into the continuing dialogue. Additionally, "grownup" is one word *Smile*.
*Check* In paragraph 9 you wrote: "“Well, there’s this one black horse that Grandpa had then, he was called Rembrandt." This is two sentences althought adding a semicolon between "then" and "he" would work just as well.

That's it. Excellent craftsmanship.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A very nicely told tale and a joy to read. There is a softness in the telling of this tale which is very comforting and reassuring. It's a great reminder of the wonderful times of childhood times. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
589
589
Review of SONG OF IRELAND  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Julie ..

You big softie, you! *Laugh* I don't think I realized what a romantic you really were. This is a love song - about a place and about ... ? Fiction or not, it's a beautiful poem about Ireland and the hold it seems to have on many of us.

"I found love, loyalty and friendship that made my young heart sing," Your heart is still young, my friend ... keep singing *Smile*

Ken

PS Congratulations on pulling in 3rd place - it should have been higher! *Laugh*
590
590
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Harry -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "The Re-gifted Birthday Card"  [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

What a sweet and touching poem! I loved the message of this; it offers both originality and shows the love between sisters that only family can share. Excellent. There are a few structural elements (same rhymes - sister/sister; enjambment ususally is done within verses) but, in the end, they don't detract from the this warm and loving tale.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken

Yes, I'm sending you back your GPs. No inducements needed with poetry this well done *Smile*
591
591
Review of Dreams of Flying  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi WizardofOwls -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Dreams of Flying"  [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

Well done *Smile* The monorhyme works really well and the subject is one of hope in the darkness. I would suggest considering using some punctuation just to help the reader along as he/she gets into the flow of this. There are natural break points which work well in this so I don't think your approach was affected in this poem. Just a thought *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken
592
592
Review of Poets Verse  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Poets Verse"  [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

I liked the flow of this - your couplets are well matched and they tell the story of poetry *Smile* I think that the variations in meter (between 9 and 12 syllables) break up the smoothness of this just a bit. Where you use internal rhyme, such as "Rhyming with timing and verse set to meter .." the poem is a pure joy to read.

Excellent poem and a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken
593
593
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi wworsham -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Prayer to the morning"  [E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

Very nice rhythm. Your ode to the dawn is well written with just a touch of classic feel in lines such as "When the dawn hath broke the day ..."

Two observations - first, use punctuation *Smile* It really helps with the flow. Poetry gives us images, punctuation directions for appreciating those images. I also noticed that you used strong perfect rhymes - except in the last line which broke the flow for me.

Very enjoyable. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken

PS I'm returning your GPs - they're not needed for me to appreciate your talent *Smile*
594
594
Review of Things  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi {user:okyep) -

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, {1755386}, on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

I liked the flow of this - its staccato beat keeps a lively rhythm while reading. The rhyme is a bit uneven, switching throughout which breaks the smoothness of the read but I really enjoyed the subject. "Things" is right up there with "they" when it comes to what seems to drive life *Laugh*.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken
595
595
Review of Pity Party  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi fyn

Well, if I can count right, this will be the last of the reviews that PDG owes you. Not to fear, I will be returning *Laugh* although that may be a fear of another type! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Pity Party"  [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I noted this was written in 2009 but it feels as fresh as today's headlines. There is such a sense of frustration and helplessness but you’re still here *Smile* so I’m guessing that the title was most appropriate. LOL

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
I think you’re channeling millions of others with this write; a voice that speaks for the many suffering in silence and says “you’re not alone – we’re all in this.”

*Music1* Content:
I like your approach with verse 1 setting up the tempestuous nature of your emotions, verse 2 defining the reality of your situation and the "catch 22" of life in the labor market (and it's frustrations), verse 3 returning to the reality of emotions, and the concluding verse finding unwilling acceptance. This was an excellent way to approach this. I can only hope that life has improved over the intervening years.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Only a few minor suggestions. Written in vers libre, there is no formal structure other than organizational aspects that support the poetry aspects of this. You chose to use standard punctuation (*Smile* good for you!} which I think helps with clarity. Because of this, the following suggestions are offered:
Verse 2: Each"thought" is a parenthetical element so commas are used but you need a conjunction to close the sentence - "I am over qualified, can't work for less just to have a job, and it sets a bad example they say." I realize that this is a rule of prose and that poetry has more flexibility but since you chose to write it like this, it would seem in keeping with your chosen style.
Verse 3/Line 4: "in panic and worry. Tears fall" The line transition from one thought to another occurs in the middle of the sentence. It might be cleaner to move the "tears" to the beginning of the next line.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* As I read this, I imagined you opening an emotional vein and draining the despair you were feeling out onto a page. *Smile* Some writes are cathartic and some purely expressions of emotion. I hope that you found some release in writing this. Thank you for sharing this intimate portrait of your emotional life with me today as well as your enormous talent.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
596
596
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi fyn

I'm back again - thank you for the invitation *Smile*. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "When the Mountain Sings"  [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Arrrggggh! You're going to drive my little rhyming soul crazy! *Laugh* This sang to me of the mountain songs you write of and frustates me that your talent seems untamed at times LOL.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Not being familiar with the movie, I had to go look at it ... and then came back and watched it play out through your words. What a terrific theme! I really loved it. 5*Star* for creativity and interpretation.

*Music1* Content:
This is about a people and their history that has been carried by generations through thier music. As you so poetically say "They sing of the simple joys of life, of good times and sad times and endless strife." Your focus was on the music as the central theme here but you've painted a caring picture of a unique part of our collective heritage. Oral histories have always been at the heart of human culture - it's what makes us unique for it provides inspiration and warning. You've captured that in your poem. The repetitive refrain only enhances the feeling of telling and retelling - of an unbroken thread through time.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Certainly there were no grammatical or spelling faux pas to be found. You always write with as much craftsmanship as imagination. I read this as free-verse even though it's apparent that you have parts in rhyme. The uneven meter and part rhyme just tend to confuse, I think, and pull the reader away from the strength and beauty found in the lines. I think, with little effort, you could turn this into lyrics - what a wonderful song it would make. I could hear the music as I read. *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Okay - here I go again *Laugh* I didn't find this poem perfect. The mixed meter and rhyme pulled at me throughout my first read. Still, the content and raw beauty of this was more that enough to overcome my own prejudices *Smile* I can't think of a lower rating to give you that would be deserving of this wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing this with me. I have found inspiration in your words.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
597
597
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Davy ...

Well, I'm sorry - I don't see this as "perfect" ... but it's definitely an "A" *Laugh* I totally agree - and I'm glad you've made the case for common sense in the rating system. I'm going to save your link and "share" it the next time I hear "nothing is perfect." Ususally, I just say "you haven't met me yet." *Laugh* Okay - not really but the thought has crossed my mind*Pthb*

*Thumbsup* Ken

... and no, I'm not keeping your auto-reward GPs. What I received from reading was more than reward enough. *Smile*
598
598
Review of Paragliding  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi fyn

I'm back again *Laugh* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Paragliding"  [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm with you *Smile* As I read, I was swept away (no pun intended) with your imagery and could envision the "thundering silence."

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Well chosen words paint wonderfully emotional images that touch the reader and bring him/her into the moment. What more can you ask from a poem ... from a poet? *Thumbsup*

*Music1* Content:
You've taken this beyond the simple act of a crazy person launching themselves off a cliff (can you tell I don't like heights *Laugh*) and extracted the essence of the feelings that you experienced. Great imagery filled about your own feelings (King of the sky, yet impossibly minute in the grand scheme of things) brings the reader into your moments aloft. That feeling of accomplishment, yet humbleness, is a central theme and well expressed.

*Music2* Technique/Technical Notes:
I, for one, am a rhymer at heart so I appreciated the subtle rhyme in lines 3 of each verse which I felt helped keep this flowing smoothly throughout the read. Obviously, you crafted this meticulously and there were no errors to point out.

I think a few of your references were very meaningful to you - but perhaps a bit oblique to the average reader. In the final verse you wrote "throughout this personal why" which I took to mean quest or seeking. Leaving open lines like this does invite the reader to add thier own interpretation which may have been your purpose but then it also may change what your were trying to say. Just a thought. I found the same ambiguity in the final line: "moving towards the inevitable" For me, that would have been a crash *Laugh*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Ambiguity aside - that's a matter of style - I did enjoy reading this without the typical "conquering fear" verse *Smile*. Your feelings of finding peace were reminiscent of the poem "Hight Flight" which concludes "(I) Put out my hand and touched the face of God." Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
599
599
Review of Stone Fences  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi fyn

It's just me, Ken, again. See what you get for encouraging me? *Laugh* It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Stone Fences"  [E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow! What a wonderful subject and wonderful poem. I'm a sucker when it comes to oral history which was the roots of poetry and this is a modern day version with long lineage to call upon. Excellent!

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Can you tell I'm enthusiastic over this one? *Laugh* I love the imagery, the meaning, the familial ties ... it's creative and full of meaning! Bravo.

*Music1* Content:
You write of memories of your grandfather and the wonderful attitude he had toward life. Everything - including rocks in the fields - were to be seen as blessings and made use of. This is a touching and beautiful poem - and your passing it on to generations yet to be is part of that binding that keeps families together.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
At first, I thought you were going to present this as free-verse due to the variable length of lines and the 5 line verse. After the initial verse, I saw that you were, in fact, going with a rhyming poem. It's the first line that threw me off and, in truth, I'm not sure how to offer a suggestion for how to add this into this wonderful poem as a rhyme. There nothing that says you can't mix free and rhyme - in fact, the Dorsimbra does just that. I might recommend - for aesthics and flow only - that you split the first line and make the verse 6 lines long.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I've been told that 5 stars are for "perfect" poems. I guess perfect is in the eye of the beholder *Laugh* because I can find no fault with this. No, it reads a bit rough at first but the beauty of the images and the warmth of memories counts more than an artificial format. Well done! Thank you for sharing your talent and this bit of your history with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
600
600
Review of Aristotle Sleeps  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Second Thoughts *Smile*

First rate - major changes in words but not, my friend, in power or truth. 5 *Star* now!

Ken
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