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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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Short Stories and better at Poetry
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501
501
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi ~Watery~Grave~

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A different kind of Vamp"  as a Member to Member review from "The Poet's Place "  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great idea. This is a twist on the Dorian Gray story but much more dynamic.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I found the concept of a "Life Leecher" to be very original (at least to me *Smile*)

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words introduce us to a new kind of character. He is old and feeble but enters the world at large and begins to shed years by passing them on to ignorant passersby. Great idea. My first conflict with this is your title indicates "vamp" which is a seductive woman who uses her sensuality to exploit men. and yet you describe your protagonist as a "he." I think this might actually work better if your villain-to-be was a woman. Obviously, my second is that this is just too short which I'm sure you're aware of. This really needs to be expanded to realize its full potential.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I really didn't notice any real problems; no spelling, punctuation, or obvious grammar errors. One recommendation is to add an extra space between your paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* This is a very appealing storyline. Your imagination comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
502
502
Review of dark again  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi bright shadow

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "dark again " . I see you're new here *Smile* Welcome to WDC. I hope you find us encouraging and helpful.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Depression, frustration, or simply a bad day at the office - we've all been there.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I think this was part imaginative and part cathartic venting. I'm certain many will nod in appreciation that you found words for their feelings.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words are an expression of a universal truth - there are days when it seems, to quote an unknown, "there is no gravity, the world sucks!" I think you said it more emotionally and from a place where you find yourself at this point in time. I appreciate that you didn't leave us in darkness but offered a way out. It is true, in my experience, that sometimes you have to go through the motions of happiness until it catches up with you.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses or simply the use of poetic lines. I found your opening, "darkness is crawling up to me", to have that poetic feel because of the imagery it invokes. The third line was more like prose.

As to form - I'm guessing you may have written this in another program (such as Open Office or MS Word) and then pasted it here. (I do the same LOL). The postings here are converted to HTML. Some times, the transfer isn't clean. For example, the comma you wanted at the end of line 1 shows up at the beginning of line 2. I highly recommend that after posting, go back and look at it online. You'll catch those sort of mistakes and can edit them.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* An interesting and yes, even enjoyable, read. Certainly, your emotional content comes through clearly. With a little practice, you'll get the hang of using the site and your poems won't have the distraction of strange punctuation *Laugh* I also encourage you to read, review, and write. You'll find your style and voice quicker. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
503
503
Review of NO TEARS  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi bumfuzzled

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "NO TEARS"  which I found as an entry in "Invalid Item" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the flavor of classic verse with it's traditional form and language usage. This was exceptionally delicious *Laugh*. Hmmm, maybe I should have breakfast before I start reviewing LOL)

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought you did a great job of capturing Browning's form as well as keeping the somber tone steady throughout the write.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
It was intriguing to see the subject of lying to your love recast in a classic, melodramatic style. I did learn a new word - "pash" - and while it's slang, it's a wonderful word. (I'll tuck it in my odd words file until it sees the light of day again *Smile*) That said, it's a noun and you used it as a verb but it'll be our secret. Just as a thought - Browning titled his poem using the last line of his verse and that would work here *Smile* adding to the classic feel.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Browning's form was ABBAAB and you used it with great aplomb. The use of a few "near rhymes" did break the spell slightly but, when read aloud, it was hardly noticeable. Other than that, this was a terrific poem. It reflects your craftsmanship and attention to detail that makes poetry such a joy to read.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* This was a thoroughly enjoyable read. Your homage to Browning is a wonderful write. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
504
504
Review of Crossing the line  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Amalie Cantor - We Got This!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crossing the line" . I saw this in your port and couldn't let your work go on without at least one review. *Smile*

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Each verse stands on its own but I lost the thread between verses.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I liked the general flow within each verse; I didn't feel that overall, you provided enough transitions that would allow the average reader to follow this from beginning to end which lessens its effectiveness in communicating your ideas.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words paint individual "universal truths." The notes of questioning why we are here and what is our purpose are certainly common ground for all people and will strike a chord with many readers. I saw each verse as a phase of life - birth, growth, decline, death. Your final verse began with "I was murdered to malinger.." which I will admit totally stopped me *Smile*. I love the alliteration but have no idea what this meant. To malinger is to feign illness especially to avoid work. Nothing you previously said prepared me for this. Of course, the biggest issue I had with this was that in verse one you asked "when--definitively--does life end?" and you never answer.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) and despite its freedom, it's not entirely free. Free verse displays some elements of form. Most free verse, for example, self-evidently continues to observe a convention of the poetic line, at least in written representations. Often, you'll see versification as well. In your poem, I felt you honored these traditions well.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I found this a very interesting read. I liked your approach and there's much to praise in this. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write. You will find your voice and style. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
505
505
Review of A Perfect Mess  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Andy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Perfect Mess"  which I found on the Read a Newbie page. Welcome to WDC!

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I found this playful and honest and, actually, very entertaining. Having been a writer for the past few years, I've found that not only breaking, but also twisting, knotting, and changing direction work quite well too. *Smile*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
The short meter gives this a very upbeat rhythm and plays well with the humor that you've woven into this. I liked it.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a poem about writing ... where words are our servants but also our masters. Your observations of their conduct, sometimes orderly and sometimes chaotic, ring true to those who struggle with them. I suspect it's tantamount to "herding cats." *Laugh*

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You've added a subtle rhyme to this hybrid of free verse (no punctuation, first line capitalized, and no consistent rhyme) and traditional poetry which really carries the tempo and keeps this light. No SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) errors noted. A clean write.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A fun and quite enjoyable read. Your humor comes through clearly and I found myself smiling and nodding "yes" more often than I'll admit. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
506
506
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Asmi

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Fallen Maple Leaves" . I found your poem listed on the Read a Newbie page It's been some time since I started "a new life after finishing school" *Smile* and so I was curious about your impressions.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Yes, nostalgia is a good word - a wistful desire to return in thought to a former time in one's life although this was nostalgia about nostalgia *Laugh*.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very heartfelt as well as contemplative and I'm sure will stir memories in many readers.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words paint a picture set against the autumnal image of leaves falling indicating the passage of time or the end of a season. I thought this was very effective to set the mood. Your use of imagery was both brilliant but somehow lacking. "The heart still yearns to belong / in those cozy lanes of time" was great. "The childhood days are past / as is the smiling face." was just confusing. I suspect that you will smile again. When writing, don't rely solely on emotion. Remember the reader isn't privy to what's going on inside your head except through your words.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Again, I found this a bit confusing. For most verses, you used an abcb rhyme. Then, you didn't. When people read your work, they will try and get into a rhythm and changing (or stopping) the scheme will stop them. You want to keep their attention on your words and emotions - not on your form. I would also caution about "stretching for a rhyme image." Your final stanza talks about cold winds blowing and then keeping warm in the rain. The the rain seem contradictory for an autumn setting.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I think you did well, especially with weaving emotions into your poem. The structure and writing shows great promise but still has some work needed. I encourage you to read, review, and write if you're serious about poetry. You will find your voice and style.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
507
507
Review of Breathing  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Erin

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Breathing" . I found your write listed under "Read A Newbie" and and was curious as to what was "balled up." *Smile* Welcome to WDC.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Our collective angst about the human condition. Believe it or not, you're not alone. We all (well, those who actually take the time to think about it and I'm not convinced that many do) have our doubts, our questions, and yes, even our moments of amazement and joy.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I applaud that you took the time to write it down. Sometimes, that's all it takes. There it is in black and white and it allows you to move on and enjoy rather than worry about life.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is actually insight into who you are. It's a brave thing to open yourself like that, even is a protected environment like this site. As you run through your questions and doubts, you also offer answers to your own concerns.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You list this as prose which, for the most part, it is. Prose benefits the more informal metrical structure of verse that is almost always found in traditional poetry. Poems involve a meter and/or rhyme scheme. Prose, instead, comprises full, grammatical sentences, which then constitute paragraphs and overlook aesthetic appeal. Some works of prose do contain traces of metrical structure or versification and a conscious blend of the two literature formats is known as prose poetry. I actually found poetic lines within this.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I found this a very interesting read ... as far as it went. There's more to explore and I hope you will continue to ask, to seek, and to discover where this will take you. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
508
508
Review of The Iwant-osaurus  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LouzephyrSam

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Iwant-osaurus"  which I found in the Read A Newbie section *Smile*. Welcome to WDC!

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I hope you adopted with a return guarantee! *Laugh* It's been years since mine were that young. Trust me, you'll lose your memory at some point and only the good will remain. (Come to think of it, did I have kids? Oh, well LOL)

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
This was either very imaginative or terrifying. The jury is still out *Laugh*. Seriously, I loved it and yes, the humor was very well done.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was a tongue-in-cheek vignette about a small child, dubbed the "Iwant-osarurus." The short meter and quick rhyme made this playful in the reading; the descriptions humorous and very identifiable. I loved the line(s) "It’s chewing on / the head of G.I. Joe / God rest his soul." It's surprising what kids will put in their mouth - assuming it's not green and healthy, of course. *Laugh*

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
It seemed there was an attempt at rhyme except when it wasn't convenient *Laugh*. I guess we could call this free-verse but your pesky rhymes got in the way. Whatever it was, it worked and actually added to the comical nature of this.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An fun read. Your humor and ability to see the world in its absurdity comes through clearly and I found myself chuckling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
509
509
Review of You Are,,,  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Whitemorn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "You Are,,,"  as you requested on "Please Review" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Definitely a love poem. No, I didn't miss the image either. *Laugh* It's actually quite good and why not? I've seen your work on deviantART and so I would expect that the artist in you could not be suppressed. .

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Certainly, using an architectural approach does show creativity but (there's always one LOL) it's still the words that need to resonate.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
As far as it goes, this is a declaration of love. You praise her for her beauty, her friendship, her touchability *Smile* and then go on to strains of "come, grow old with me." I thought this was most effective from "Lets walk on the beach ..." to the end. It was here that I first got a sense of YOU and your feelings expressed in a way that was uniquely you.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. Free verse displays some elements of form. Most free verse, for example, self-evidently continues to observe a convention of the poetic line, at least in written representations. Often, you'll see versification as well. In your poem, I felt much of it was prose. If I took out the line breaks, I was reading a regular sentence. I know that it's a subtle difference and, in this case, it's only my feeling. I invite you to read Whitman or Pound to get a better sense of what my words are probably failing to convey.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* In spite of what appears to be criticism, I hope you see this as encouragement. I did enjoy your work but, as I'm sure you learned with photography and graphic arts, it doesn't happen in a day. Read, write, review. You will be amazed at how quickly you'll find your artistic voice in words. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS I'm returning your auto-reward GPs. I've been helped by so many over the years that this is simply repayment. *Smile*

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
510
510
Review of Ardor  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Jyoti *Smile*

Thank you for the lovely note today. I thought I'd drop by and see what's new ... and I found this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ardor" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I found the title intriguing *Bigsmile* since it's meaning can run from devotion to passion. The first line gave me a pretty good clue about which end of the meaning you were writing about!

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Perhaps it's because of my gender, but I'm always interested in how the opposite sex views passion. I suspect (although one has never really admitted it) that it's not all that different. Certainly, the emotions you write about seem pretty familiar. Thank you for the enlightenment.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
A simple four-line poem that speaks volumes about your feelings. (I'd say he's a pretty lucky guy *Laugh*) I loved the "local" reference. "Tea time" gives this an exotic flavor (no pun intended) and yet blends the normal activities of life into this otherwise statement of desire. I was also surprised (in a good way) to see "belly" used in this. In the U.S.A we typically speak of the "heart" (love) or "loins" (sexual desire). I'd never thought of finding a middle ground. (Yes, that was a pun *Laugh*)

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
"I feel ... I feel ... I feel ... I feel." Nothing wrong with that in the least but I'd like to challenge you - you have the ability - to move beyond a narrative story. Don't tell me - Show me. Instead of saying I feel the ache in my belly of being alone sometimes. bring the reader INSIDE of your feelings. For example (and it's a silly one) Tentacles of pain wrap their burning touch around my heart, reminding me I am alone once more. This SHOWS you the feelings you're experiencing, not just tells you.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I thought this was great and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
511
511
Review of Keeper of Secrets  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Fancy

Thank you for inviting me to review "Keeper of Secrets" , my competition in this month's Short Shots. Real nice *Laugh* Yes, I'm just teasing with you. I appreciate your confidence in me

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a warm and lovely tale! I worked with a Therapeutic Riding Group for many years before retirement and I know first hand the value and importance they offered. It never ceased to amaze me how animals - even big horses *Smile* - could open up children and allow healing to begin.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
A great true-to-life story that carries an important message. This is sure to touch the hearts of many readers. A few of the terms aren't correct (see below) but that's easily correctable and will enhance the realism of this tale.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words paint a lovely scene of a small ranch/farm named Mackleberry Mill. Run by Sandra, with the help of Charlotte, she's opened the farm to inner city youth for visits during the summer. Her first guest, Tasha, is a mute, the victim of abuse. Over the course of the story, we watch Sandra and Tasha bond through the vehicle of Chester, a horse that was Sandra's from an early age. The magic of Chester and the warmth and caring of Sandra begin the healing process for Tasha.

I'm not sure why but you chose to write this in six distinct parts. The time differences are small and you could just as easily show the transitions with a few words. For the most part, this is a lovely story and your style is very easy to read and understand.

I realize you consider this a "Draft" or work in progress. The most glaring part is the ending which, I'm going to assume you're still working on. Your story flows to the last line, then, it almost seems as if you added a note to yourself with " A little girl broken by abuse finds relief from her pain in the friendship of a horse." That IS the story capsulized.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was well written with a good balance of narrative and dialogue (even if some is with a pink pen *Smile*) I did find a handful of small errors which can be easily corrected: (S is section/P is paragraph)

S2/P5. "S’more and Shiloh were lying in their corals." I think you meant corrals *Smile*. For authenticity's sake, a corral is a penned area and not a stall. Typically at night, they'd be in their stalls. "Tasha went to each stall and pet each one." "petted" or "stroked"

S3/P2. "Now Sandra lets her run the office and gives her a place to stay." You changed tenses from the previous sentence.

S4/P2. "galloping and trotting. Sandra made sure to take it slow" Galloping is a full run, not what you'd call slow *Laugh* In order of speed (called gait), horses walk, trot, canter, and gallop.

S4/P4. "Tasha shook her head." It isn't for two more paragraphs until we understand that the answer was "No." You may want to make that clear now. Tasha shook her head "No."

S4/P10. "β€œChester saved my life too.” I think you're putting the cart before the horse (yes, I intended that pun LOL) Who else did Chester save? Only Sandra's to this point in the story.

S5/P9, β€œYou have to tell somebody what your feeling inside" Should be "you're"

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* Right now I think you have a wonderful story and probably with corrections, it should be a solid 4 stars. You need to find the ending if you want it to move up. Your love for these characters comes through in each line. Polish this a bit - it will shine. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
512
512
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fancy

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Smile*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "In Grandma's Belly (Revised)" .

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Thank you for inviting me to your port. If you hadn't, I might have missed this warm and touching story.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I found your story very imaginative and, at the same time, so true to life. Small children still see the magic around us that so often we let pass by without notice. Gone are the days when every new thing was a chance to find joy and an opportunity to see the wonder in the ordinary.

*Star* Plot/Content:
Your words paint wonderful images of Velma and her grandmother sharing a special moment. The catalyst is a simple box of animal crackers. (You do realize that modern mothers are aghast that you'd allow that much sugar to start the day, right? *Laugh*) You show us the special bond that can exist between the old and the young and you pave the way with smiles. Both characters, while lightly developed due to length, are believable since most of us know them from our own lives.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
At "flash fiction" length, you've managed to roll out a complete story. I saw no SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) which only makes the story more enjoyable to read since you can actually concentrate on the story without distraction. Just a couple of thoughts - not criticisms - but ideas that came to me as I read this and "observed" this happening:

* Line 2: You wrote "grandma" and "Grandma" Be consistent. Since we're talking Velma's family, I believe you can capitalize all of them.
* You use a lot of repetition such as "Really, Sweetie?" I guess a grandmother might do that but you could add a few change ups just to peak interest such as "More? Do you hear more?" I know, with my own grand-kids, they love it when I play surprised.
* Last line. This game has tickled both Velma and her Grandmother. Maybe they'd "giggle" instead of just smile. I know I did *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* What a charming story and fun read. Your love of YA writing comes through clearly and I found myself playing along with Velma and her Grandmother. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
513
513
Review of The Angry House  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Augustine

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Angry House" . I see you're new here at WDC. Welcome!

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
As advertised .. "a little [dark] humor." *Laugh* Deliciously gruesome.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
Wasn't this a commercial? Oh, no, that was a cereal (LOL) Seriously, this was very imaginative and very enjoyable. I wish more houses would take the hint from this one.

*Star* Plot/Content:
Your words paint a picture of family that has no love for their home, allowing it to fall into decay and disrepair. Much like anything that's abused, it strikes back in a violent way. I took this at face value - a fun poem about a house that gets tired of being ignored. Some will see it as a metaphor for family violence. Both work and that's the beauty of poetry. They say no poem is ever finished until it's read because we will each see something different. Me? I love humor.
.
*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Okay, I love poetry so if I get a little anal at times, forgive me *Bigsmile* Overall, I found this a fun read. For the most part, your rhymes were solid and the flow was good. Where you can, stick to "perfect rhymes" such as your valley/alley opening. Near rhymes such as your escape/disgrace tend to stop the reader as they get into the rhythm of a piece. I also encourage you to use versification. Part one of your poem outlined the abuse, part two the houses reaction. There's a natural break between the two. Adding "white space" opens your work up and makes it easier to read.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I thought this was a thoroughly fun read. Your sense of humor comes through clearly and I found myself cheering for the house by the end. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

*StarY* Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Invalid Item"  *StarY*
*CoffeeBl* Join us for some coffee and conversation in the "Invalid Item"  *CoffeeBl*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
514
514
Review of ENOUGH FOR ME  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know LOL) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ENOUGH FOR ME" . I saw your entry in the "Invalid Item"  and couldn't pass up a chance to read this.

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Beautifully said from the perspective of a lifetime.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
There is great wisdom in your words that will be immediately recognizable by those of us who have lived and will be appreciated by those who have yet to.

*Star* Plot/Content:
You share a lifetime of living, which you summarize in your closing line: "A life, well lived, with many memories."

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
The reads smoothly and the flow is easy to follow. The rhymes are perfect. One note - verse 3, last line has a typo "enough t."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* A thoroughly enjoyable read. Your wisdom and joy in life comes through clearly and I found myself smiling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
515
515
Review of A Spring Storm  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi JLMC

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Spring Storm"  You had requested this review a while ago but I was off the site and never saw it *Blush*. My apologies. I hope you believe in "better late than never." *Laugh*

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
OK - you've hooked me. This is a fascinating story.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
This is one of the most creative tales I've come across.

*Star* Plot/Content:
Without giving away too much (I'd really like others who may read this review to drop by and give it a read) you mix the familiar (ghosts, vampires, ghouls) and align them with levels of the dead. Add in a heroine who can exist in both worlds and you've got the basis for a unique story - or series *Smile* Generally, the story flowed and made sense. Your opening was a bit contradictory in that you said "[her dress] blew lightly in the cold, wet wind ..." while [her hair] "stuck to her head." Reasonably, both can't be true *Smile*.

You started with a prologue of sorts to lay the basis for this story. Make it a true prologue. Write a bit about this world. Give us a backdrop so we can visualize where this is taking place.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Your issues aren't in the tale but the telling. There's editing that needs to be done to make the easily readable by the general public. First and foremost, add an extra line break between paragraphs. This story is so compact that several times I lost my place. Giving it a bit of "white space" will open it up and make reading easier.

Format: There are a few conventions that you should be aware of. When using dialogue you don't just end at the unquotation mark. For example, in your opening line you wrote β€œVΓ¨olitΓ©, what causes you to walk amongst the dead?” Asked Alfisch. There's no need capitalize "Asked" since it's a continuation of the sentence. With the exception of a question mark, you'd normally use a comma. You need to correct this throughout your manuscript.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* A really good read that left me wanting more. Your characters are interesting, the story keeps you guessing, and, best of all, there's more to come! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
516
516
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi lmmortal

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cherish, for it shall never perish." . You had request this review a while ago but I was off the site and never saw it *Blush*. My apologies. I hope you believe in "better late than never." *Laugh*

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a love poem, although it's woven with sadness and longing.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
You write with strong metaphors which imply, rather than tell, the reader of your feelings. This works well with Shakespearean sonnets. You have lovely phrases the draw tender images.

*Star* Plot/Content:
As I said - there's a strong note of longing in this poem. Some of your phrasing leads me to believe that English is not your first language (and that's not a bad thing *Smile*) but it does make some of the imagery vague. Phrases like "edges of your tough veins" seem a harsh juxtaposition with a love sonnet. It's OK - make the reader stop and think. That's what poetry is for *Laugh*

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this as a Shakespearean Sonnet and you followed the form well. Shakespeare’s sonnets are written predominantly in a meter called iambic pentameter, a rhyme scheme in which each sonnet line consists of ten syllables. The syllables are divided into five pairs called iambs or iambic feet. An iamb is a metrical unit made up of one unstressed syllable followed by one stressed syllable. An example of an iamb would be good BYE. I'm the first to admit I'm "iambically challenged" *Laugh* but I could "hear" that many lines weren't iambic pentameter. It's simple a case of continuing to write. Practice makes perfect.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enjoyable read. I really enjoyed the creativity of your writing. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS I owed you this *Smile* so I'm returning your GPs. Next time, perhaps.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
517
517
Review of AND GOD SAID -  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Talk about tear-jerkers! What a thoughtful and beautiful write. It's funny,now that I'm older and went through a heart attack a few months ago, I think of the end more often. I don't fear it but I'm not ready either *Laugh*. I don't really have to "think for a minute" before I say "No."
.
This was a truly inspired write so I have to ask - why aren't you writing more? I think you still have a lot to offer, Julie.

With affection and appreciation for your talent ...

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
518
518
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi PandaPaws Licensed VetTech

Congratulations! I saw your poem on the winner's list of "HONORING OUR VETERANS "  and, I'm sorry to say, I hadn't had a chance to read it yet.

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Well done! You've managed to write a pretty thorough historical outline of out military with this. Impressive.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
Were you a history major? *Laugh* I loved the detail and the personalization of your poem.

*Star* Plot/Content:
This is certainly a tribute poem to the brave men and women who have answered the call to duty. The little details such as "giving hometown names to foreign sands" really brings this home..

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Essentially, you wrote this as a single verse. For me personally, it made the reading a bit difficult (I lost my way once or twice but that's probably because I'm old *Laugh*) Since this is a litany of our involvement, breaking it into smaller verses - each addressing a segment of history - might help especially with those who aren't that familiar with our country.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enlightening and enjoyable read. Your pride in and salute to the military comes through clearly and I found it particularly moving. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
519
519
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

As promised, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "An Unbelievable World" .

*Star* First/Thoughts:
Plagerist! Oh wait, you had the idea first *Blush*. Just teasing with you. I do so like your version better and I love how you waited to sucker punch me with the ending.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
What an imaginative story. I'm assuming you're related to Jaren since you took his idea about " I just think of the real world and write the opposite" only you did a loop-de-loop. *Laugh*

*Star* Plot/Content:
I won't give away the plot. *Bigsmile* I will, however, commend you for the detail. From scattering the pixies and shape-shifting, down to details of the main characters physiques, you brought this world to life in my imagination.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Not a period out of place. This story is not only well crafted, it reflects great craftsmanship.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* A thoroughly enjoyable read. Your love of the genre as well as your penchant for twist(ed?) ending shines in this. I've found myself saying several times lately (I've got to quit picking such great stuff to read LOL) that praise filled words and 5 stars many not be what WDC considers a helpful review, but I disagree. You need to know that your efforts are getting through and are appreciated. No one can write in a vacuum. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS Yes, I'm returning your auto-reward GPs. I owe too many (including you *Smile*) who've helped me over the years with honest reviews and this is just my way of repaying the kindness.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
520
520
Review of My Plague  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi strlcuckoo

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My Plague"  as you requested on "The Shameless "Plug" Page"  .

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ouch! Haven't we all been there! *Laugh*

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I can't say this was brilliantly imaginative - it hits too close to home and there wasn't a single word that didn't leave me nodding in agreement (LOL) What I did find was your creative approach which was carried nicely with your sing-song meter and rhyme. Well done.

*Star* Plot/Content:
You write of the troubling times we all go through with "writer's block." I thought your descriptions were great, delivered without a lot of directness and no flights of fancy that had to be interpreted. This was purely a fun write and a thoroughly enjoyable read.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). This was a solid write and more than that, you can't ask. I enjoyed the quickness of the lines which helped keep this upbeat and easy to read with solid, perfect rhymes.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enjoyable read. Your humor comes through clearly and I found myself smiling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing (and never let the "block" win!} Wishing you all the best,

Ken

PS I'm returning your auto-reward GPs. So many have helped me over the years that I see this as simply paying back the kindness I've received.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
521
521
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ben *Smile*

Darn! As soon a Jr. was out, I thought this would be the perfect subject for a Clerihew. Unfortunately, I wrote mine earlier. Glad to see I'm not the only one who saw the opportunity *Laugh*

I think you did wonderful with the form which has four rules:
* It is biographical and usually whimsical, showing the subject from an unusual point of view; it mostly pokes fun at famous people. I suspect that "His Royal Babyness is probably one of THE most famous people today.
* It has four lines of irregular length and meter (for comic effect). Again, you used the lines to great affect.
* The rhyme structure is AABB; the subject matter and wording are often humorously contrived in order to achieve a rhyme. Loved the "newses" to force the rhyme with "Louis". Excellent!
* The first line contains, and may consist solely of, the subject's name. Not only the name, but for the uninformed and/or uninterested, his official position as "His Royal Babyness." Pure genius.

I sometimes doubt that this is what WDC calls "a helpful review" but I disagree. Sometimes poets - even ones as good as you - need to know that what they're doing is getting through. No one can write in a vacuum.

All my best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
522
522
Review of Evil Woman  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Yellow Rose

My name is Ken (which you know *Smile*). It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Evil Woman"  as a entry in the "HONORING OUR VETERANS "  and as tribute to those who've served.

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
It would seem you don't approve of Jane Fonda *Laugh* although you didn't name her. It's obvious you hold her actions in contempt.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
While I can't disagree with anything you said, I wouldn't have thought of Jane or her actions under the heading "Honoring Our Veterans". I suppose, in the broadest sense, your outrage speaks for those who no longer can. Certainly, this serves as a reminder to those who either have forgotten or who never cared.

*Star* Plot/Content:
The premise of this is to recall the controversial actions of Jane Fonda during the Vietnam War. You show strong moral outrage over what she did citing it as a betrayal of her country and the men who served. I think you give her too much credit for what she actually accomplished; she was widely condemned and it ended her career. Her "smelling like a rose" was really more because she married Ted Turner and had influence through him, none of which ameliorates her actions. Her actions remain controversial still today and, while she did finally apologize for her behavior, many of the allegations against her were proven to be untrue.

You asked if writing this was too controversial - No. The war was unpopular with peace activists and soldiers alike as are all wars. It seems like sending our young into battle is too often a decision made by those who've never served. Mahatma Ghandi said, β€œWhat difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or in the holy name of liberty or democracy?” Being reminded of that is never a wrong thing.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Since this is "free verse" there's no right or wrong. There are a couple of minor issues that can be easily fixed;
* Line 2: "encouraged
* Line 13: remove double period.
* Line 18: "by" not "buy"

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* This was a very emotional write. Having served in Vietnam from 1967-1968 and 1970-1971, I remember her actions and yes, I condemned her as well. The truth is, the actions of those at home were more troubling. When I returned from my second tour, the Army told us NOT TO WEAR OUR UNIFORMS IN PUBLIC due to the protests. That was, to me, a much bigger betrayal than Jane Fonda. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
523
523
Review of White Balloons  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Τœβ‚¬ΓŸβ˜†ΤœiʈCH

My name is Ken (Okay, so you already know that *Laugh*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "White Balloons" . I'd tell how I got to this poem ... but I can't remember (LOL) Maybe it was shown under "Sponsored Links?" Gosh, I hate getting old!

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
Obviously, only someone with a heart of stone wouldn't be moved by this lovely tribute. I know I was. It stirred memories of time long past which, as is often the case, gave rise to thoughts of "what's too soon?"

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I thought using the imagery of white balloons and tying it back into angels was very creative and effective. It added an element of hopefulness to a somber write.

*Star* Plot/Content:
Short of Ballads, most poetry doesn't have a "plot." *Smile* Your approach to this subject, the passing of a child, was done with respect and compassion. You set a tone of questioning "Why?" and, in the end, you arrived at the only answer possible: There is no reason.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
I should start with telling you there are two things I don't like in poetry: Free verse and centered text. I generally don't like free verse because too many take prose, break it up, and call it poetry. I don't like centered text (unless the form calls for it; diamante comes to mind) because it makes reading more difficult. Darn you! You're going to make me challenge my own beliefs *Laugh* I thought the verses worked well, leading to the questions we all share when faced with death. I thought the format called to mind the clouds that hovered over the funeral.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* A somber but touching read. I doubt that this is what WDC calls "a helpful review" but I disagree. Sometimes poets - even ones as good as you *Bigsmile* - need to know that what they're doing is getting through. No one can write in a vacuum.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
524
524
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Liam *Smile*

I saw this in the poetry newsletter and I'm a big fan of your humor writing so I thought I'd give it a browse.

OK, having read it, I had to more - I had to leave a comment *Laugh* If you're like me, my poems get lots of looks and it's frustrating when the "views" top 30 and no one has the kindness to leave a single word. It kind of makes one feel inferior. Is it that bad? Did they not understand? Are there no English speakers on the site? (LOL)

I found this not only funny but wonderfully true. I love to find "non-mainstream" words to spice up my poems and stories. It's always amazing that so many don't get it. I've actually had to resort to putting definitions in my notes. *Laugh*

This was another example of your wonderful gift ... and I thank you for sharing your talent and imagination.

Oh, I almost forgot - this is a review. There's nothing about this I that doesn't deserve the same comment: "Brilliant"

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
525
525
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Teal1355

It's just me, Ken, back for round 2 of the Talent Pond's Estuary Reviews. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The life of a bubble. " . .

*Star* First Impression/Thoughts:
A wonderful tale of childhood!

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
Even without knowing the "key words" that you were required to use, this is a very imaginative and warm tale. I'm sure many readers will mix this with their own memories and bring this to life.

*Star* Plot/Content:
A young boy creates a bubble and chases it across the yard, only to be heart broken when, as all bubbles do, it pops. You put a great deal of detail in this allowing the reader to move from just reading this story to participating in it. It was a great mixture of humor and poignancy. The only detractor I saw was the ending. This was a great story and it stands on its own. I'm not sure that any parent would have moralized the popping of bubble with the transitory nature of life. It just seemed out of place.

*Star* Technique/Technical Notes:
Great craftsmanship. I saw no obvious errors. Well done! *Thumbsup*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An great read. I thought you captured the innocence of childhood exceptionally well. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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