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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
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Public Reviews
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476
476
Review of Theft of Words  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Nixie

My name is Ken, a fellow writer in the Baker's Dozen, and I saw this late entry. I was curious about both the lateness and what kind of a story you might have had competing. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Theft of Words "  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nixie, Nixie, Nixie - what are we going to do with you? This was brilliant and, I think, should have been the winner. Find some time and don't submit late again!

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
A clever and terrific tale, full of imagination. I didn't guess the ending (until the ending of course LOL)

*Starb* Plot/Content:
An English teacher follows her instincts and stops for coffee after visiting the Kennedy Space Center. She meets the soon-to-be famous Neil Armstrong who's worried about what he will say when he becomes the first man to step foot on the moon. I guess you could say, she took one small step ... and the rest is history LOL.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Other than my personal objection to indenting paragraphs *Laugh* I saw no errors. You showed as much care in the creation of this as you did in coming up with an original and creative story.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* An exciting and fun-filled read. Your creativeness shines through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
477
477
Review of Praise the Writer  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane . My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Praise the Writer"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
... and that's why you never get into a conversation about your reviews! *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
The call and response was the perfect foil for this poem. It allowed us to see the build up on both sides - reviewer and reviewee. This was totally fun to read.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
You start, naturally, at the beginning - the offer to help. Of course, in successive iterations you begin to actually do what you were asked and the disappointment and denial begin to escalate. Isn't it funny how something a person works on for days, even weeks, they expect can be reviewed in minutes? *Laugh* Well done in the build up and the words flow naturally. My only issue is the very last line. It felt like it was missing a word. Something like "That's what I expected" would have summed up the expectations without the awkward phrasing.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in Quatrains with an abcb rhyme. You stuck to perfect rhymes which is important with this rhyme scheme since you don't have the alternate line rhymes to carry you through near rhymes. Obviously, no spelling or grammar errors - nor would I expect them with a writer of your caliber. *Smile*

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enjoyable (and very close to home) read. I think you did a wonderful job of capturing the negative side of reviewing. Good reviews require thick skin ... on both sides! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
478
478
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi ruwth

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane . My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "It's not a formula, it's a relationship."  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I always find it difficult to comment on writing that is faith-based. Certainly, you can't fault someone for their beliefs whether you share them or not. But, I'm always up for a challenge, so here it goes *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
What a clever introduction to your talent. I'm sure it doesn't say it but somewhere it should be written "If Google's in your corner, who can be against you?" (e:laugh} Creative and fun.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
As an essay, your title is your premise. That said, you set about laying out your position that finding God can't be done by the numbers (certain scriptures excepted - John 3:16 for example *Smile* - and yes, it was a bad pun). My issue with this is that you then lay out a 2 Step program - establish a relationship (which I take to mean acceptance) and speak to him daily (prayer). Whether or not you put numbers in front of each step is immaterial. My second issue is that in your examples of "5 Steps to ..." you used live links. To what end? If I'm reading this, why do I care about registering a business? I think this was a major distraction away from the very things you were trying to get across. Kill the links.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
This was a clean write with no obvious spelling or grammar errors. I did notice in paragraph 2, you wrote "The world is looking for direction." You then use this exact phrase as the start of the following paragraph. It doesn't seem to fit both places.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An interesting read. Your belief and dedication comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
479
479
Review of Wrong Turn  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi StarGazer

I am reviewing this item for the challenge presented by Diane . My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wrong Turn"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Give me a break! You stopped this here? Come on, there's got to be more!

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
As far as you went, I was intrigued by the story and you kept me reading. Knowing you billed this as "scifi" I was sure Amy had more than boobies up here sleeve *Laugh* but now I'll never know.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
We begin, simply enough, with a walk and a memory. Our protagonist (unnamed) is going out to a local haunt with her friend, Amy. You gave a good description of "the third street bar" and I felt very oriented that I understood the setting. Amy has too much to drink and begins to get rowdy. I think your build up to action suffered a bit because you wrote the entire story in narrative. (OK, 99% in narrative - you did have one short piece of dialogue at the end. *Smile*) A lot of this could have been "shown" through the use of dialogue. It seemed, as I read this, that you were running a movie in your head about what was going on and describing it to the reader. Dialogue allows us to witness what happens first hand. Of course, my biggest issue with this is that you left us hanging just as you were getting to the first climax. Not nice *Laugh*

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was a clean write. No obvious grammar or spelling errors. I did notice a couple of minor things which I show, below:

P1: I've been around the block a couple times. Most of them [them who?] I don't think I was paying any attention. [Confusing structure – “them I don’t think I was…”] Not like last night. It started out normal enough.

P2: I was at the third street bar [proper name – should be capitalized]

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* An enjoyable read - almost. I really want to know what happens! If you continue this, please, send me the link. I want to know where you end up with Amy. *Smile* Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Happy Birthday, WDC. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
480
480
Review of Crude but True  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Makeshift

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crude but True"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see you've only been here a short time. Welcome to WDC. *Smile* I hope you're enjoying your time here and hope that you've found growth in whatever directions that led you here. That you're still here tells me that you've discovered that we're a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
You're obviously well educated (or well read *Laugh* which is the same difference); I love that you didn't "dumb this down" but went with the words that came naturally to you.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I really didn't get the connection between the title and the poem but the write itself was very good. You indicated that this was written at a younger age but, in truth, I suspect that your feelings haven't changed that much (unless you're old as dirt like me *Laugh*). There's a lot going on in this and I'd guess most won't take the time to really understand what you've said.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
You begin with your desire to take control of life. You approach this as a decision that you can make; something you can achieve in the length of a breath. Ahhh, were it so easy but I see this in light of the old Chinese proverb, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I didn't understand in V1L4 your "sans freedom" when, from what I read, freedom is exactly what you're looking for. Verses 2 and 3 I took as a lament of what is and how you don't value that. Verse 5 highlights the pointlessness of what is. In the words of the great philosopher Pogo "we have met the enemy and they is us." *Smile* The final verse celebrates existence and overcoming.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I found parts of this poetic but primarily, this read like prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language even when you include complex words. Just because you broke it into lines doesn't make most of this any the less coherent sentences and paragraphs.

I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I actually (in spite of how you may take my comments LOL) really enjoyed this. You have natural talent and I think you just need to find your voice and style. I encourage you to read, review others, and keep writing! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
481
481
Review of slipping  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi shinypennythoughts

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "slipping"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see you're a new member here. (Really new - as of today!) Welcome to WDC. *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We are a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a write from the heart. It may not have all the polish of experience but it has the depth of real emotion.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Comparing the end of life to the setting sun is a well explored theme. You've managed to find a freshness with this and I appreciate that.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This was a "cathartic" write, one that allows you to make peace with the loss of your grandfather; perhaps even start to come to terms with the short duration that is the inherent condition that we all live with. I found the pensive tone very appealing and your words well said. While this was a very personal write for you, posting it opens it to others to consider both the emotions you went through and to reflect on their own feelings. While you know exactly what you meant, we have only your words. I thought the opening phrase "ending promise of dawn’s elusive coming" was a bit confusing since you're comparing this to a sunset through out the poem.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I found a lot of this was excellent and pure poetry.

Your last line is prose. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. Just because you broke it into 3 lines doesn't make it any the less a coherent sentence.

I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I found this a very touching read. Your emotions comes through clearly and since poetry is about communication, I think you did well. I encourage you to read, review others, and above all - write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
482
482
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi kthop

My name is Ken. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Once Loved, Now Broken"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see you're a new member here. Welcome to WDC. *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Well, it's not a poem (see below under technique) although some of your phrasing has a poetic feel. It is, however, sad and touching. The communication of your emotions is a critical part of writing and I think you did that well.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Certainly heartbreak has been the purview of writers since time immemorial. That this happened to you is a sad thing. Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
You give us two constructs, a before and after view of how you viewed the world. In part 1, you show us the world through the eyes of someone in love and loved. In part 2, you look at the same things through eyes filled with regret. The use of the comparisons is actually an effective tool for communicating and I found it effective.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
As I said, this is not poetry. This is prose. Prose is a form of language which applies ordinary grammatical structure and natural flow of speech rather than rhythmic structure as in traditional poetry. This was, for the most part, "natural language." Poems usually involve a meter and/or rhyme scheme. Prose, instead, comprises full, grammatical sentences, which then constitute paragraphs and overlook aesthetic appeal.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I actually found this to be an enjoyable read, not for the subject but for the honesty I felt in it. There is a sense of poetry in some of your lines as in "hat kiss, it was so ever long ago, left leaving my lips chapped and cracked." I encourage you to read, review others, and above all, continue to write. You will find your voice and style if you are persistent. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
483
483
Review of Broken  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Meshellmybell

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Broken"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see you're a new member here. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
I read this as a sad commentary on how you see your life. There's a sense of hopelessness with tones of giving up. I certainly hope this just reflects a period of time in your life that's long past. I think that writing is a great catharsis and allows you to unload a lot of bad feelings and move on. I hope that you will.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I can't say this is a new theme - I think we've all been there and many have written about it. Still, these are your feelings, freely shared, and the uniqueness that is you makes this stand out.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I felt a bit of disconnect between the opening verse and the rest of the poem. You begin with "there's more to me" but the rest of the poem is really about how your emotions have been shaped by neglect, abuse, and your own feelings about how you've been unable to find a way out. It's minor and probably most won't pick up on it but it would help (for those that don't know you) to understand how you think others see you. Remember, we only have your words to go by.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in rhyming couplets and that makes the flow smooth when reading. You used several "near rhymes" such as eye/hide and blind/design. Especially in couplets, I'd recommend you stick to perfect rhymes since the rhyme is so obvious.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* Well, I can't say this was an enjoyable read but it was very open and interesting. Your pain at where you (are or have been) comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
484
484
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Patricia,

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Amy's Heart Broken Prayer"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A gentle story that is more a statement of your own faith.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
You wrote this as a morality play, which is a type of allegory in which the protagonist is met by personifications of various moral attributes. Amy's statements about the "devil attacking Grandma's heart" is an example of this.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a story about the relationship between Grandma Rose, her grandchild Amy, and God (with a little Ecclesiastes thrown in *Smile*). You keep us in the moment with lots of dialogue so it's showing more than telling which is good. One note of caution - watch your tenses. Several times you switched from past to present and back which throws the reading off just a bit. Grandma has a heart attack and, during the course of her recovery, provides the basis of her beliefs to Amy as well as confirming it within herself. For me, the characters were believable although there was scant descriptions. We mostly got to know them through their character. A little more on the setting would have helped expand the story.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, this was a good write. I would recommend that you add an extra space between paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read. There were a few specific items I found:

General. You used a lot of internal dialogue. Instead of quotes followed by "Grandma thought", simply italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.

P1: Grandma Rose was lying in her bed, feeling every beat of her heart, [period - run on sentence. Make into two] although they were weak and slow she could still feel them. Thank you, Jesus. [It the Thank you is verbal, put in quotes. If not, italicize which shows internal dialogue or thoughts.]

P3: “Honey child, don't you worry about me. I am just fine. God is still in my heart. I expect to stay here for a long time yet. It breaks my heart hearing you cry and yet, my heart is bursting with pride hearing your beautiful prayer. I love you Amy,[period - change of subject] you are just like your mommy; compassionate and loving.” [new paragraph - what follows is Amy's answer]

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An enjoyable read. Your faith comes through clearly in this story and there is a moral here that everyone will relate to. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken



** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
485
485
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Alexi

It's just me, Ken. I thought I'd drop by as a "Thank You" for your generosity in supporting COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I Made a Mistake...Or am I a hustler?"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A great story and one I'm sure your partner cringes at just a bit whenever you share it with him *Laugh* You ladies are a sneaky lot - but we love you all just the same. Errr - *Blush* - that didn't come out right, did it.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Non-fiction is always creative. Life is humor and your sharing this "accident" with us shows that serendipity is both rewarding and funny.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
You tell of a time when you went shopping and "accidentally" (sorry, this computer won't let me type that word without quotation marks LOL) used the wrong credit card. I'm glad that when you friend discovered it, he didn't say "Hey, that wasn't me - it's the wrong size!" *Laugh* Of course, you sweet talked and bartered your way out of the debt - it was after all pure mischance. Now about the shoes ...

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Other than the unrhymed line in verse 5 (and it actually added to comedic effect much like a Clerihew uses its meter for comedy's sake) I didn't see any errors or come up with any suggestions that would enhance this.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I am big fan of "humor" poetry and I wasn't disappointed in the least. Your comedic sensibilities shine in this clearly and I found myself smiling as I answered your question. Thank you, hustler, for sharing your life, your imagination and your talent with me today. *Laugh*

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
486
486
Review of Idle Hands  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Andy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Idle Hands"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I see that you're a "newbie" on this site. *Smile* Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
... and then you are the devil's child? *Smile* This is an attempt at an honest write and I see why you enjoyed it.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I see flashes of inspiration in this but it's based on a common saying that generally goes "Idle hands are the devil's playground." Because it is so overused, it keeps this from feeling fresh. By the way, it's not really a quote. The closest I could find was Kurt Vonnegut's use of it in a 1952 play.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a self-discovery poem that questions our place in life. You answer that we are what we do. I'm not sure that's where you were really going when you started this journey *Smile* As I said, I saw flashes of inspiration. I really enjoyed the opening nine lines. After that I thought you were trying too hard. A pen does not a poet make nor a brush an artist all though I understand what you were going for. The last part just didn't seem to follow from anything you you had written before.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of this read like. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An interesting read. I think this was a good attempt - but it didn't really share YOU, only the part nearest the surface. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable ** ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
487
487
Review of The Hope is a Lie  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Sunshine Queen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Hope is a Lie"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  . I see that you're a "newbie" on this site. *Smile* Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever directions that led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "How did you ever pick your user name? There's no sunshine here." *Laugh* OK, on to more serious stuff; I'm guessing you're young (although everyone is young compared to me) and that you're feeling frustrated with the world and its demands.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I can't say that your words or feelings are particularly unique. Perhaps it is because they're not that makes this stand out. So many hold their feelings in or, worse, express them in a way that's destructive. You've chosen to share them and that's what makes this unique.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is primarily a frustration poem. Your feelings of being pressured to do and be something have run up against your need to escape through music and sleep. My own daughter went through this so I'm at least passing aware of what you're feeling. I'd like to tell you it gets better but I don't know you or your situation so I can't. I can tell you that the answer isn't outside - it's inside. Hope isn't a lie unless you're telling that to yourself.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You wrote this in free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language which is what much of your verses are. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* This was, for me, an enlightening read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and most importantly, continue to write! The comforting words you seek will find their way onto a page. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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488
488
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi albertfuller

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "at the end of the garden"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" . I note that you're a "newbie" here. *Smile* although not one to poetry. Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time and grow in whatever ways led you here. We tend to be a friendly group so if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Obviously, you seem to be a polished writer. This was beautiful journey of time and place and personal reflection.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
OK, I'm not a big fan of free verse (or vers libre for those with affectations LOL) because most writers don't understand it. It's not chopped up prose. Each line has a meaning and a purpose. You, sir, have brought that to this journey and it's appreciated.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Above all, this is a journey of a soul and you take us through the twists and turns as you grow in understanding and appreciation for the world around you. It was allegorical in that the imagery held hidden meanings that each reader will have to discover for himself. Certainly some of more stark metaphors will be clear but there's a subtlety about this that I found intriguing.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. I did enjoy "the envoy," which I'm sure many won't have heard of. I first found it when writing Sestinas and have always loved the idea.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* A thoroughly enjoyable journey. Why not 5? I thought some of your imagery, while clear to you and your vision, didn't quite make the transition in your words. This isn't a criticism. Poets write first for themselves and you remained true to you feelings but for the reader, it is at best, an indirect journey. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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489
489
Review of Different Worlds  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ellie Maynard Bryerton

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Different Worlds"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Part fantasy, part wistfulness. This read like a young woman's daydream.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought that this read well and the subject was interesting. I'm certain there will be many who can relate to the "angst" that you've woven into your poem.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I couldn't have said it better myself: "A poem about a famous boy and a struggling girl falling for each other and "Never say never." *Smile* I was hoping that you might have given us more understanding of what the struggle was. I'm reading that it's primarily self doubt and feelings of worthlessness that's making her blind to the possibilities.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Again, I'm not sure what you were going for. It seemed that you began this as a rhymed poem but then you changed it up to free verse. Here's something for you to consider. Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An interesting and enjoyable read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
490
490
Review of Disease of Doubt  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Silent Writer

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Disease of Doubt"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
When I started reading this, I wasn't sure who's side you were on. I agree, doubt is a disease but like any disease, it's opportunistic and only goes where invited.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I recognize the creativity in this as you explore some of the aspects of doubt. I feel, however, that there was more to be said - perhaps more YOU wanted to say - and it just didn't seem to me that you were able to get it all out. That's just my own feelings - probably not yours *Smile*

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is your exploration of doubt - how it gains access and how it affects people. I felt in your observations on the child that you may have overstated feelings of doubt. Hopelessness is certainly there but in the young, doubt is more a matter of not being able to accomplish something they know should be able to achieve rather than realizing they'll never have the opportunity to achieve. Just something to think about.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. Prose tends to be more "matter-of-fact" and is closest to spoken language. I don't want you to take this as a criticism. Each poet finds his or her own voice and style. I do, however, offer this as something to think about when you're writing.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* I found this to be a thought provoking read. I encourage you to continue to read, review, and write! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest and encouraging feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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491
491
Review of A Poem for a Poet  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi kian swaggie

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Poem for a Poet"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Actually I was impressed by not only the named forms but the various techniques you employed. I thought it was a fun read.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Let's see - you used alliteration, anaphora, but avoided rhyme. I would have thought at least one rhyme wouldn't have killed you *Laugh*

*Starb* Plot/Content:
As you say, "I was trying to write a poem, and this came out." This was a nice rundown on some of the more familiar forms and (as I've already noted) employed several poetic devices. I did like your honesty - knowledge is helpful; prosperity is non-negotiable. We're never going to get rich writing, that's for sure!

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses, poetic norms, or simply the use of poetic lines. I thought this came across as pure poetry. *Smile*

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An very enjoyable read. Your knowledge of poetry comes through clearly and I found myself smiling. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
492
492
Review of Dreams  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Smiles

My name is Ken and I saw your entry in the Senior Center Forum contest. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dreams"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Alliterative Acrostic

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought your approach was very creative. The use of both color and style really highlights the key word and, even for those unfamiliar with this style of poetry, clarifies what an acrostic is.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I thought your acrostic of "DREAMS" was cleverly conceived. Each line can be viewed as a euphemism for the base word. Making each line alliterative also enhanced the poetic feel of the piece.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I think you did all you could with this. The Acrostic "form" as such doesn't have many rules other than using the letters of the base word at the beginning of each line. I didn't notice any SPAGs (spelling, punctuation, and grammar). This was a clever write and more than that, you can't ask.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* An entertaining and enjoyable read. Your creativity comes through clearly and the added artistic elements only enhance the message. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
493
493
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lesley Scott

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Save Fuel Ride A Mule"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
This was a wonderful story, full of information and vignettes about mules and donkeys. You were right - "many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing," and I was one of them *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very creative. That it was based in fact made it all the more interesting.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I read this as (almost) an essay on an unseen and unappreciated branch of domestic husbandry. There is so much information here. You highlight the traits and advantages with true stories and a tall tale that really raises the appreciation that most readers will have. Excellent presentation and work.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
It's not the "tale", it's the telling that gave me concern with this. You obviously know your subject and are passionate about it. That said, there were so many distractions that it kept me from enjoying this wonderful write. Here's a sampling of the first three paragraphs:

The very first donkey and mule show on the Eastern Seaboard, held in 1982 in Summerville, South Carolina, and [and doesn't belong. It's not connecting two separate thoughts. Drop it and the sentence will read fine] attracted quite a crowd of spectators and contestants. I happened to be the founder and President of the South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society for almost ten years. [When? before, during, or after the event? What does this have to do with the first contest?]

We had our work cut out for us, since not many people appreciated mules or just knew nothing. [Knew nothing about mules, perhaps, but they all know something *Smile*] The goal was mainly just to educate people about the outright fallacies [outright is redundant since a fallacy is a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, or belief] of these thoroughly misunderstood long eared equines. Simply word of mouth helped at the horse shows and lectures to advertise. [I'm assuming that this means you adopted the same strategy? This sentence doesn't seem related to anything you discussed before or after.] We were all up for a challenge, and the show turned out to be a suprise [misspelled surprise] to everyone.

Mary Jane, a beauitiful [misspelled beautiful] young lady with blond hair to her waist, was the secretary of our local group The South Carolina Donkey and Mule Society}, he[Typo: No "}" needed. He who? Did you mean "she"? The way this is worded it sounds like she was entered in horse shows, not a horse.] was a big winner at the horse shows, and she was the one who suggested that we have our own show. It was called, "The Po' Folks' Playday." The classed [classes?] were even open to horses. None showed up. Most of the horse owners must believe donkeys and mules were carriers of deadly diseases.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* I would have rated this much higher if it weren't for the numerous errors. A good proof reading will make this much easier for the average reader to access all the information you've provided. Personally, I found this a thoroughly interesting, informative, and enjoyable read. Your enthusiasm comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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494
494
for entry "Perceptions" 
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi LostGhost: Seeking & Learning

It's just me,Ken. *Smile* I saw that you were participating in the "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Perceptions"  on behalf of "The Poet's Place "  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
My first thought was "cinquain" but, of course, it's not *Laugh* Still, it has that feeling of an Asian form due to its brevity and imagery.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Personally, I found it insightful and loved the word picture it paints.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
This is a direct interpretation of the prompt. As the electricity flows sears the night sky, the appearance is like cracks in the universe which heal in the blackness following. I thought you did a wonderful job in capturing those images and finding words to share them with those who haven't seen the powerful beauty of the storm.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Obviously written in vers libre you managed to keep the poetic feel to this through imagery and through its poetic feel. Since there is no "right" to free verse, there's little for me to comment on. I did notice that you ended your poem using punctuation which is atypical for this style. Should you respond, I'd be curious as to why? *Smile*

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enlightening (no pun intended) read. Your words clearly were chosen to invoke a powerful image and display the beauty you saw. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
495
495
for entry "Day 1: Scared Kitty" 
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with 30 Day Image Prompt Contest Co...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi A*Monaing*Faith

It's just me, Ken, a fellow participant in the "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Day 1: Scared Kitty" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
OK, I'm impressed. I write a lot of Flash Fiction and I can barely get a story out in 300 words - I don't think I can say "well done" in only 55 *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
It is with words as with sunbeams. The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn. ~Robert Southey

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I'm not sure I can summarize in only 55 words (LOL). Kitty doesn't take her owners advice and climbs a tree necessitating rescue by a fireman. For such a short piece, I was actually surprised that this told a complete story and did it in a manner that was understandable and held my attention. Obviously, setting suffers but your protagonists are well understood and the action flows without any hesitation.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Not being that familiar with the format, I do have to ask why you centered this. Stories are usually left aligned. You're the author *Smile* so this shouldn't be taken as a criticism, only a question that I think would be shared by many readers. I did notice that some of the sentences were truncated - words cut off - which did make this feel a bit rushed.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An enjoyable and enlightening read. Cats! They never listen {e;laugh}. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
496
496
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jordi

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Day 1 Prompt 2 - The Little White Cat"  on behalf of "The Poet's Place " . I saw your entry in the "Invalid Item" .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
A really good and exciting story based on a literal take from Prompt 2. I thought you did a great job.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
Very innovative. I really enjoyed how you developed a story that so completely took the prompt and made it integral to the story line.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
A seemingly young girl is on a mission to retrieve a magic amulet. She locates it but is trapped by men sent to destroy the house where it is located. She uses her magic to change into a cat and is ultimately rescued by a fireman. Your prose is almost poetic in places as you weave descriptions of the house and subsequent fire into this tale. I happen to love that (being a poet a heart *Laugh*) although with the magic theme of your write, "the orange dragon" could almost be seen as a literal happening rather than a metaphor. It's important to keep the two worlds clearly separated. There are also references to "others" and "her kind" which are left hanging. You needn't go into great detail but it would have helped if you gave us a clue in understanding the actions. Overall, very entertaining.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
For the most part, an excellent write. I would recommend that you add an extra space between paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read. There were a few specific items I found:
P7: "It felt as though it contained something small with a strip of something contained with it." The use of similar phrasing so close to each other was confusing.
P12: "Wonder why they want it torching.” I think you meant "torched."
P23: "trees for her to climb sown to safety" Typo - you meant "down."

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* An exciting story that I hope you continue to build on. I love your descriptions and your ability to create such a detailed environment. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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497
497
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mosef

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Philanthropist"  on behalf of the "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Great ending! I didn't see it coming; a wonderful moral hiding in this short fiction piece.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
A really good plot that I thought was innovative and well developed.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I thought you did a great job in developing this. The flow was good, the action consistent, and above all, it was believable. Not that it's required, but I did notice that you introduced only "James." At first, I wondered why but it works to keep the focus on the him and plight. Whether or not this was deliberate, it was effective. There was a bit of superfluous information - does it matter that it was Monday or a white Caddy? This might have given you a few more words to "build up" your description of James and sell the idea he was perceived as homeless.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I didn't see anything major. I noticed you indented your paragraphs which, in a story, makes the reader's eyes search for the next line instead of just continuing on. It's not wrong but something to consider.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* An enjoyable read. Your story telling talents come through clearly and I found myself pulled through this tale. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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498
498
Review of Tricked  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi graecyn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tricked"  on behalf of "The Poet's Place "  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - you kept me guessing until the end. It did remind me of the old saying "Never bring a knife to a gun fight." *Laugh*

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I thought you did well given the word limits of the Daily Flash Fiction contest. Good tone and a nice build up to the final scene.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
I think your words painted a tense picture of a couple fighting over the unfaithfulness of the husband. Each had a motive for their actions - but hers was better *Smile* I wonder, are you a poet by leaning? I am - and I find that many times I tend to go into "poetic phrasing" when I write. Of course, I have to strip most of it out to get to the word limits (LOL) but it's my natural inclination. I noticed several of your descriptions seemed to be in that vein.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
You did an excellent job - no errors noted and you had a good balance between narrative and dialogue. Very good! *Thumbsup*

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* This held my attention throughout and I totally enjoyed the read. Your talent is well showcased in this. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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499
499
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi ~Watery~Grave~

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A different kind of Vamp"  as a Member to Member review from "The Poet's Place "  .

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a great idea. This is a twist on the Dorian Gray story but much more dynamic.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I found the concept of a "Life Leecher" to be very original (at least to me *Smile*)

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words introduce us to a new kind of character. He is old and feeble but enters the world at large and begins to shed years by passing them on to ignorant passersby. Great idea. My first conflict with this is your title indicates "vamp" which is a seductive woman who uses her sensuality to exploit men. and yet you describe your protagonist as a "he." I think this might actually work better if your villain-to-be was a woman. Obviously, my second is that this is just too short which I'm sure you're aware of. This really needs to be expanded to realize its full potential.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
I really didn't notice any real problems; no spelling, punctuation, or obvious grammar errors. One recommendation is to add an extra space between your paragraphs. This is known as "white space" and actually comes from graphic arts. A page crammed full of text or graphics with very little white space runs the risk of appearing busy or cluttered, and is typically difficult to read.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar* This is a very appealing storyline. Your imagination comes through clearly. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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500
500
Review of dark again  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi bright shadow

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "dark again " . I see you're new here *Smile* Welcome to WDC. I hope you find us encouraging and helpful.

*Starb* First Impression/Thoughts:
Depression, frustration, or simply a bad day at the office - we've all been there.

*Starb* Creativity/Impact:
I think this was part imaginative and part cathartic venting. I'm certain many will nod in appreciation that you found words for their feelings.

*Starb* Plot/Content:
Your words are an expression of a universal truth - there are days when it seems, to quote an unknown, "there is no gravity, the world sucks!" I think you said it more emotionally and from a place where you find yourself at this point in time. I appreciate that you didn't leave us in darkness but offered a way out. It is true, in my experience, that sometimes you have to go through the motions of happiness until it catches up with you.

*Starb* Technique/Technical Notes:
Free verse (vers libre for those who prefer affectations LOL) is, despite its freedom, not entirely free. It still needs to feel like poetry, whether it's in the use of verses or simply the use of poetic lines. I found your opening, "darkness is crawling up to me", to have that poetic feel because of the imagery it invokes. The third line was more like prose.

As to form - I'm guessing you may have written this in another program (such as Open Office or MS Word) and then pasted it here. (I do the same LOL). The postings here are converted to HTML. Some times, the transfer isn't clean. For example, the comma you wanted at the end of line 1 shows up at the beginning of line 2. I highly recommend that after posting, go back and look at it online. You'll catch those sort of mistakes and can edit them.

*Starb* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star* An interesting and yes, even enjoyable, read. Certainly, your emotional content comes through clearly. With a little practice, you'll get the hang of using the site and your poems won't have the distraction of strange punctuation *Laugh* I also encourage you to read, review, and write. You'll find your style and voice quicker. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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