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51
51
Review of Love is ....  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was very well written and cleverly portrayed. Each line was succinct and it caused me to ponder the concept of love in a sublime way. I thought the first line was the most unique and creative. Love is like fire; it’s pleasant from a certain distance but too much exposure will sear your soul. It’s also like fire because it can die down if not given enough fuel. This was a splendid poem! Happy WdC anniversary!





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52
52
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


There is a verse in the Bible that says “Knowledge puffs up.” That’s not to say being intelligent is bad in any way shape or form, but that it can be detrimental if used in the wrong way. You raise a good point indeed. That is something we writers must be wary of. Do we write to impress others with our “skill” or do we seek to enlighten and entertain others? As the Bible says again “Let others praise you and not yourself.” I paraphrased that verse. lol. Anyway, you make a good point that we can all learn from. Happy WdC anniversary!





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53
53
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Its there to catch you from a fall from joy)
Here, “Its” should be “It’s.”


Nice poem! The third stanza was powerful. It was a description of where the mind may lead to. It was brutally potent. But honestly I think the time in between happiness and sadness is very brief. I can’t recall a period when I was stuck in the middle for a prolonged duration. That’s why I really love your poem; it focuses on such a unique and sublime state of mind. The third stanza reminds me of how sad it was when Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader-If you remember that part of the Star Wars Saga. lol. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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54
54
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(This seemingly innocent piece of trash represented so much that was wrong with my life these last few years: just lying there waiting for me to clean it up.)
Above, the colon should be a dash I think.


(Tiny, our St. Bernard dog, was apparently attracted to the commotion, must have thought that a vomit covered candy wrapper would make a tasty snack, didn't realize that a large fly had already landed on…)
Here, simply put a “but” after “…a tasty snack…”


(He managed to spit out the candy wrapper, now covered in cat vomit, dog spit, a soggy traumatized fly and several drowned tiny ants and oddly still only inches from where it had first appeared.)
This was a very funny line!-traumatized fly-makes me laugh.


This was a compelling story. The narration was easy to follow and it held my interest to the end. It was funny in a way but still retained a serious nature. This was well written indeed! The narrator might have gotten PTSD from all of this happening. lol. Nice work and happy WdC anniversary!






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55
55
Review of Puzzle of Life  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I thought your title was quite fitting. It is odd how such opposite things go together – very ironic if I use the word right. lol. I liked how you came up with all the elements of life and how they relate and differ from one another. Kudos also for the brief lines; it brings out the rhyme scheme easily as well as with meter. Anyway, I loved this a lot and I hope you continue to compose such clever poetry! Happy WdC anniversary!





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56
56
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


("You know, you've been hanging out with this boy alot and I havent met him yet, When am I going to get meet them?")
Here there are some things that need changing. First “a lot” should be “a lot.” Next, “havent” should” be “haven’t.” Then the comma after “yet” should be a period. Finally, “them” should” be “him.”


("haha beat you again, just not your day i guess"
With this, “haha” should be in caps. “I” should be in caps too. Finally a period should go at the end.


Hmm…you’ve really got me curious as to who the friend who seems to be imaginary really is. Good narration. What you have makes me want to read more. Kudos with that! This is really short but you did justice with how small this was. And a simple reread should catch those little blips above. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!






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57
57
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Able to see far, the. boy climbed the hill, looking for his girl friend.)
Here “Able to see far” is a bit stilted. You could put something like-“The boy climbed the hill and used his excellent vision to look for his girlfriend.” Notice also notice that “girl friend” is one word.


(She had a fangdemon on her, a wolf or fox that could change forms, or creatures.)
Here, the sentence needs to be recast to something like-“She had a fangdemon on her, that existed as a wolf or fox that could change shape into objects or creatures.”


(As soon as he got to the top he seen a villiage.)
Above, “seen” should be “saw.” Next, “villiage” should be “village.”


(His girl friend was leaned against a foutian, smirking.)
Here, “girl friend” should be “girlfriend.” Next “foutain” should be “fountain.”


(When he least expected it, the fangdemon devoured him, and he was squeezed into a ball and deposited into it's stomach.)
With this, saying that the character is devoured first is out of order. Recast it to something like-“When he least expected it, the fangdemon opened its mouth and chomped him into a ball. Then it swallowed the poor person into its stomach, devouring him.”


("So I guess you don't beleive me..." Mason said. "Mason, I'm not stupid. My fangdemon would only attack you like that." She told him. "Does that mean I can get out?" He asked pleadingly. "Let's see, No." Angole said.)
Here, to not confuse people in this case, put name tags after every person that speaks. I would also put each dialog on different lines. Then, “beleive” should be “believe.”


This has potential but it needs work to bring things out and clarify your content. Perhaps it needs a simple proof reading. I also suggest breaking dialog and paragraphs into separate lines. The block of text is overwhelming to the eye. Just go back and rework things some. Happy WdC anniversary.





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58
58
Review of Finding  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem! I especially liked this stanza-It took fate/-or was it God?!-. It makes one think of the true meaning and cause of every hardship we go through. When you say “Morning Sun” are you referring to Jesus? I love the way you derive all your strength from all those sources. To think of all these things in the face of mental adversity is exceptional and brave. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!




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59
59
Review of The Search  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I really liked how this was derivative to fantasy. Now if you could only could turn this into a short story! That would be really cool! This reminds me of jacket cover of a book. Anyway, I loved the whole narration of this – quite a jewel. I could see this as part of a longer poem that concludes the story. All in all I thought this was very unique and clever. Happy WdC anniversary!







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60
60
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice job with this. It was easy to follow and I saw no punctuation or grammar issues. The descriptions were quite vivid and vibrant. I think some of the dashes could be commas like this sentence- (As the father moved on the last tree—the tree of autumn—he became overwhelmed with her ingenious artistic visualization of autumn.) But I’m no grammar expert so what you have may work. lol. The thing I like about short pieces like what you have, is that it’s easy to make sure it’s neat and engaging. Have a happy WdC anniversary!





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61
61
Review of STARMAN  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Excellent poem my friend! It gives a good likeness of the saying “Reach for the stars.” I thought the brevity lines under “Dreams” worked in sublime simplicity. Last stanza under “Death” was by far my favorite one. I like how it modifies the experience and concept of death. It’s cool how death is illustrated when it says “goodbye.” Finally, you paint a serene, nostalgic image of the heavens in its entire splendor. Happy WdC anniversary!





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62
62
Review of I Never Knew  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(You took me in the dark so that you can light your my heart,)
I think I meant to exclude “your” from this line.


This was a fascinating short poem. Your last stanza wraps up things nicely and it’s my favorite one. I didn’t understand the last line though. Could you clear that up for me? I don’t really do deep and emotionally complex poems. If memory serves me right, I might have done like two prose poems in my life. lol. I do couplets. All in all, a great read! Happy WdC anniversary!





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63
Review of My little sister  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was excellent! I love how you focus on the pain of the sister’s demise from many avenues; everything revolves around her and the fading memory that seems to drift about like a rainy cloud passing overhead that fills my mind. I forget what the repetition of the last line of each stanza is called but it worked well. I did have some trouble with catching the rhyme scheme and the meter was a little cumbersome at times. Anyway, I loved this. Great job and happy WdC anniversary!





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64
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


I love the child-like theme of this piece. It’s a classic rendition of fantasizing being something else. I think the repetition, whatever it is called, worked to bring on a fun sing-song rhythm to it. And I loved the longer lines. It helped to bring the artistic magic into the prose. Usually with the longer lines, it is harder to sustain consistent meter and comprehension. Happy WdC anniversary!





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65
65
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Spending it, even if it were enough to buy coffee, is out of the question. An empty one has an annoying tendency to stay that way.)
If Tony is a friend of the narrator, wouldn’t he be shown compassion by Tony and give him a cup of coffee on the house or at least a loan?


(“Here this might help, I’m making another pot, and this is going to waste unless you drink it.” Tony thrusts a steaming cup of coffee into my hands.)
I would put this in the third paragraph to show the compassion of Tony beforehand.


(Faces full of hope and despair, love and hate, joy and pain fill the platform. I hear, smell, see and feel their stories. Slowly the fragments of the lives people show me integrate into the fabric of the music.)
I love this paragraph! It illustrates the destitution of an average metropolitan train station in a sublime way.


(I will pray for this beautiful creature,” I think to myself.)
The thoughts should go in italics as he is not speaking.


(I smile as warmly as I am capable and extract my littlest flute which…)
Since there are two flutes, you should say “littler” flute.


(I begin to play a song of warm breezes, soaring birds, and colorful flowers. The music is incandescent and pours free in shimmering wisps through my underground cathedral.)
I also love this line! it makes a very vivid, picturesque look at the scene. Your use of the object “cathedral” creates a distinct echoing sound in my mind.


(Squeaking loudly his uniform shoes speak as he walks on to roust the next loiterer hiding from the cold.)
Here a comma should go after “Speaking loudly.”


(“What to do? Is this ability a blessing or a curse?”)
If this is a thought, it should go in italics.


(I stop at a convenience store to pick up a can of soup and a dozen eggs. I limp up the crumbling stairs to my walk-up. It has been a very good day for a nearly blind old beggar man.)
Excellent ending! The brevity causes me to linger in thought concerning the whole story. It’s gritty and succinct! I loved this entire narration. It moved me into a state of nostalgic contemplation. This definitely deserves the ribbon! Great job! BTW, with some more work, I could see this being published. Happy WdC anniversary!





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66
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!

This was very informative! I appreciate you encouraging manner; it really puts my personal dream into perspective. I will certainly put your concepts into action. I have a degree in creative writing. And I’ve yet to do anything with it. I’ll will try all my local newspapers and put my education into practice. Just the topic of this article is more than enough to expand upon in itself. Honestly this is the most relevant and engaging article I’ve read – besides maybe the WdC newsletters. Thanks’ again and happy WdC anniversary!





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Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Great poem! I love your use of the ABAB format. I only use couplets with my poetry. The mostly consistent brevity of each line helped me enjoy the message and the rhyme scheme. The narrator brutally and openly exposes her pain. The way she took responsibility of her predicament shows great courage and fortitude – you can only control yourself. I find that the rhyme scheme allows for looser meter congruency. I have no complaints or suggestions on content. I don’t think I could I could critique the out pouring of the heart. lol. Happy WdC anniversary!





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68
Review of Mother's Prayer  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)





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69
69
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Very accurate and stimulating sentiment. Life is what you make of it. I love the last line; it wraps things up nicely and gives heartfelt encouragement. I thought this line: “Your pain is not unique” really puts things into perspective. There is a verse in the Bible that says something like-“Nothing has afflicted you that is not common to man.” I paraphrased maybe. Good job with the POV you used as well. Happy WdC anniversary!






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Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(He interrupted her. "Now just beyond those two boulders is a trail that will take you back to your friends.")
I don’t know why but this line jumped out at me. It sounds…well, very nostalgic. I think the tone reveals the mannerism of Dinwiddy in a very sublime way. Great job with this!


More than anything, this was very audibly and visually engaging. You had good fairy talk and the reaction from Caelum was believable. I also commend you for how easy this was to follow – something essential in any story. I think fantasy could be a thing you would excel in. This was very good. Moreover, your piece was almost grammatically flawless; I did see a few miniscule blips. Happy WdC anniversary!





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71
71
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(I had to wear my best dress, put on my full make up, I had to be the perfect woman that day.)
Here, the second comma should be a semicolon or a period.


(I ran to the hotel, passed through the security, and finally I reached to the reception where the party was held.)
Above, the transition from the security check to the reception is too fast. Maybe you could show her saying hello to people as she rushes down a hall and enters into the room where the reception is held. It would also helpful to describe the room briefly.


(Once I entered the lights went off and the Owner went up to the stage to congratulate the managers and of course me the Editor, but when my name was announced the lights didn’t focus on me like the rest of the managers, I raised my hands, jumped but no body realized maybe because the lights were off. I thought.)
With this you first have to put comma after “Once I entered.” Next, a period goes after “…the rest of the managers.” Finally switch things around to something like this: ”I raised my hands then jumped but nobody realized it. I thought it was because the lights were off.”
More importantly, notice I broke the two sentences into two other ones. It makes things easier. lol.


(I went directly to greet him and congratulate him for being the number one magazine, but he just smiled, he didn’t even look at me. I went to the managers to drink and celebrate with them, they all were happy and drunk.)
Here, first a semicolon after “…but he just smiled.” Next, do the same thing after “…and to celebrate with them.”


(I hold the telephone headset and was surprised to know that I can make a call without paying a penny.)
Here, “hold’ should be “held.” The next thing is a rule of thumb to always remember. Usually the article “that’ can be omitted without offsetting anything.


(“hi, there Hun, I need your help, can you come and get me, I am in a deserted parking lot near the hotel, please come fast.” I rushed the words, I was scared, alone in the middle of the night and what’s worse in a deserted place. I heard lots of crimes happen in such situations.)
You seem to be confused when to use semicolons in place of commas. Whenever clauses can operate as a full sentence by themselves, begin it with a period or a semicolon. There are three such instances are in this paragraph. I’ll let you spot and change them.
The final paragraph has the same issue.



This needs some work. Did you proofread it? My biggest suggestion is to address the “comma-in- the place-of-a-semicolon” problem. This is short enough to go over with just a few look overs and correct things. In any case, keep writing and getting better. Practice makes perfect! Happy WdC anniversary!







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72
72
Review of Pumpkin  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


This was good but it may profit to put some poetic elements like metaphors and similes. I see this was labeled as “other” but it would improve your piece a little. Also give it an abstract twist. For example you could say in the first line-

“Playful pumpkins coyly lurk and pretend to be alluring round and orange things that dazzles the eye.”

I unintentionally personified the pumpkins but you could use that too. Nevertheless, this was a fine poem that tickled my fancy. Happy WdC anniversary!






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Review of A pencil  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(Sometime when I'm scribbling or doing homework,…)
“Sometimes” should be plural.


(On TV/schools etc.. . people usually tells you that you're special,…)
Since with a TV there is a picture on the screen that you watch, you would say “On TV.” But with a school you’re inside it. I would change it to smoothing to “On TV and in schools etc…”


Very compelling comparison. Life is what you make of it and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A pencil is a very simple thing but it has worth as long as you make it so. We’re all different and we are inadvertently the same as well. I’ve only reviewed a few articles but this was stimulating and unique. I loved to comment and contemplate over it. I really liked this brief little nugget of appealing content. Happy WdC anniversary!





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74
74
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


(One day, a terrible explosion has occurred.)
Here, omit “has.” It sounds awkward otherwise.


(It caused the cabin to be on fire, killed Luke’s parents.)
Here, it seems like your referring to the cabin as if it’s been already mentioned. Next, turn the comma into an “and.”


(Luke got down, and prayed to Arceus, the Pokemon that created the Pokemon World, that he would watch over his deceased parents.)
Above, omit the first comma.


(Luke was very weak from the accident, but he went walking in the woods even though there are wild Pokemon in there.)
Here, the last part of the sentence should read “…even though were Pokemon there.”


(One Pokemon was watching the boy, and is very curious about him. He was hiding in the darkness of the woods, and was secretly following the boy.)
With this, the word “is” should be “was.”


(…he fell to the ground, and lies unconscious.)
Here, “lies” should be “lay.”


(Lucario walk on his two black feet towards the boy.)
Here, “walk” should be “walked.”


( He hold the boy close to his furry, yellow chest, carefully not against the spike on his chest.)
Above, it should read, “He held the boy close to his furry, yellow chest, careful not to get pressed against the spike on his chest.” You could come up with something else instead of “pressed” like “pierced” or “poked.”


(There was a fire in front of him that keeps him warm from the dark, cold night.)
Here, you mix tenses with “was” and “keeps.” You could have-“There was a fire in front of him that kept him warm from the dark, cold night.”


(. Lucario gave Luke the blue one, and have him drink it.)
Here, “have” should be “had.”


(Luke doesn’t know why Lucario shrunk him. Lucario picked him up with his paw as he sits down. He sets the boy against his feet. Luke touched the pink soles to find that it was soft and warm. Luke then realized that Lucario was helping him. Luke assumes the red one to be a growing potion.)
Here, you sue the Luke’s name too repeatedly. Just use “he” or “the boy” or “Lucario’s shrunken child” or what have you.


I am assuming you’re very young. So I’ll take that into regard. You need to practice more with spelling and especially time tense. Show your teacher your stories and let he or she help you out and show you how to correct your mistakes. You are young and you will get better as you get older anyway. In light if that, I wish you a happy WdC anniversary! And keep writing too!





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75
75
Review of Away  
Review by brom21
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.


This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!


Nice poem. It had good meter and I loved the couplets. It was beautiful portrayal of a surreal vision. I really loved the last stanza. It was succinct, and I love the element of the angel. It added a real truly dreamy affect. And with all short poems, it lingers in the mind more so. This was a great poem! Keep up the good work! Happy WdC anniversary!





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