Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,621 Public Reviews Given

4,750 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

701

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3885823

Review of A Call To Bible Study Leaders

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Fancy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

This was a very engaging and compelling read with a great message. Whether someone is acting in pursuit of a bible study and the spread of Christianity, or just someone who wants to make a difference, I think there is great value and wisdom to the advice that we shouldn't forget about the elderly segment of the population, as so many of them are interesting individuals with amazing stories to tell.

From a formatting perspective, I think it might be a little more effective if you were to move the anecdote about the ringing phone to the end of the piece, so that you can make a case for the need to do this and follow it with "and that's how easy it is" rather than vice versa.

Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

702

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3885084

Review of Flight

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Anneliese Vanderbilt

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought you did a great job with all of the characterization, and your narrative moved along smoothly and effortlessly. The dialogue was effective and there was a good amount of detail and description. I thought that the transitions were a little rough at each section break, but other than that I really enjoyed the piece and thought you did a great job. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

703

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3885082

Review of Day of Remembering

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi NicheNuance

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story. I liked the dark tone and the fact that the science fiction element was grounded in reality (or at least a potential and believable future reality). I think the dialogue could have been pared down a little so there wasn't quite so much back and forth and the conversation flowed a little faster... but other than that relatively small suggestion, this was a very entertaining read and was very well written.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

704

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3885070

Review of My War Call

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: 13+

| (2.5)

Hi Philosophical Wolf

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I liked the imagery and the description in this piece. I think you did a good job creating vivid visuals in the mind of the reader. I did notice, however, that there were a great many typos and technical errors in the piece (e.g. "demon's" (possessive) where it should read "demons" (plural), "they're" (contraction for 'they are') where it should have read "their" (possessive), "tomarrow" where it should have read "tomorrow," etc.)

While a typo here and there isn't the end of the world, it's important to note that the shorter a piece is, the more prominent each error becomes. If this were a 2,000 word story, for example, it wouldn't be as noticeable if one or two of these errors slipped into all of those words. But when a piece is only 228 words long, as in this case, each error stands out all the more.

That said, I think the story itself was interesting and entertaining to read. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

705

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882740

Review of Never Got Away

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Stephen Thom

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I really enjoyed this short horror story. I think you did a good job with the pacing and the twist at the end, which brought the story full circle. The scene with H watching the couple before pursuing the man felt a little out of place... I think it would have almost been better to have H see his double in a more general way, to give yourself the space to describe the interaction between the two of them in a little more detail. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed the read. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

706

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882731

Review of Gone

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi MysteryAuthor

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed the imagery and the emotion in this poem. I was a little thrown by the rhyming scheme which was clearly AA, BB, CC, etc. for the first half of the poem before transitioning to no rhyming scheme in the latter half of the poem... but other than that issue with structural consistency, I really enjoyed this item and thought you did a really good job with it.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

707

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882729

Review of Gone

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Kenzie Belle

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I liked the emotion you were able to infuse in this poem. It was engaging and compelling and really tied the piece together. There were quite a few technical errors in the piece:

"[You're] older, but not wiser."

"You [didn't] bring me to that point."

"[I'm] not sorry for myself / [I'm] sorry for you."

"[I'm] moving on with my life."

"Hope your tears [don't] rust."

Overall, I think this was a great draft of your poem. There's a ton of potential and with a little revising, I think it could be really strong.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

708

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882722

Review of Tie Dye

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Chlogan

-

I noticed you're relatively new to Writing.Com and I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the community by checking out your port and sending a review your way. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really like the imagery and emotion that you captured with this poem. It was structured well, although it was a little choppy in places. If you go back to this piece with an eye toward revision, I would suggest trying to make the individual lines a little more cohesive within each stanza so that there's a slightly better flow and rhythm to the piece... but other than that, I thought this was an impressive first effort. Good job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and welcome to Writing.Com. If you need any help with anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

709

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882524

Review of 12:34:56

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi jraf

-

I found this item today via the Random Read feature, and wanted to send this review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really loved this sci-fi short story. For me, it really does epitomize all the things I love about science fiction, particularly the use of a clever, scientifically supernatural element and a smart twist at the end. I think the ending really did draw everything together and made this a truly memorable sci-fi short story. I don't have any particular suggestions for improvement; I think you have a great idea here and you executed it well. Very impressive!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

710

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882523

Review of Wanting Dreams

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi piewhackett1 -

I found this item today via the Random Read feature, and wanted to send this review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I thought this was a really elegant, beautiful poem. It was well-structured and contained really great imagery in the mind of the reader. I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I couldn't find any technical or creative suggestions that would improve the piece. It's great just the way it is.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

711

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882148

Review of My Co-worker

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hi two of four

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really enjoyed reading this monologue on your attitude about your workplace. As someone who has endured similar coworkers before, I can only say that I hope, since this piece was written back in 2003, that either you or she have moved on to other employment opportunities and you no longer have to put up with her.

I completely understand where you're coming from in this piece, and I particularly like the way you were able to evaluate yourself and your own feelings and ask the question of whether your attitude and approach are really in line with the kind of person you want to be. It's certainly a more productive process than trying to change her, and if people like her aren't going to change, we have to make a change ourselves, either in our own behavior, or in our own circumstances by removing ourselves from a situation where we have to work with those people.

I particularly liked the way this piece was accessible and understandable by just about everyone. While the circumstances were unique to you, I think many of us can identify with the concept of having a colleague we do not enjoy working with... and that familiarity makes it all the more enticing for us to examine our own lives as you examine yours.

Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

712

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882146

Review of Dialogue between a Priest and a Magician

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hi DyrHearte writes

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really enjoyed this piece. The discussion between the magic of the natural world and the magic of the spiritual world was fascinating to read as it progressed. I did have a little bit of a hard time keeping the speaking parts straight and remembering which character "man from the north" and "man from the south" were, and I think the choice to leave them unnamed created some awkward phrasing in a couple of places (e.g., "The man from the north told the man from the south about the cave filled with prepared dead..."). If the idea was to leave them unnamed strangers, for me, I would have preferred that - at some point - their names transitioned to something easier to follow along with, such as "priest" and "magician," but that's the only suggestion I have in an otherwise engaging and enjoyable piece.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

713

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882145

Review of Into a Land Flowing With Milk And Honey

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hi Stallion

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I thought you did a great job with the imagery in this piece of religious prose. You created vivid, evocative pictures throughout the piece and everything was presented in an effective, engaging way. I particularly like the fact that you had short lines and broke up much of the text so that it read almost like a poem more than a traditional piece of prose. For the subject matter and point you were trying to get across, I think it was a smart choice.

One thing that I would have liked to have seen in the piece is a little more detail about your earthly transition as well. This piece paints a beautiful picture of how your soul was changed and even makes reference to specific dates and the event which started you on your journey with God... but I would have loved to know more about the events in your life that reflected this new creation your soul had become, to give those who maybe haven't undergone this transformation themselves a little insight into what that transformation looks like on the outside, as well as the inside.

Just a small, humble suggestion for an otherwise excellent piece of writing.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

714

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3882144

Review of The difference in me

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hi Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️

-

I noticed it's your account anniversary this month, and I wanted to stop by your port and send you this review as a way to commemorate the occasion. This review is being made in association with "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

, and please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

I really, really loved this story. My wife is a special education teacher and has spent years trying to get people to understand the idea that you've so eloquently presented in this short story. I think this piece was engaging, funny, honest, and completely moving. It showcases how even well-meaning people can misunderstand what it means to have a disability, and to assume that a disability somehow disqualifies someone from doing the kinds of things that other people do without a second thought.

I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I loved this piece just the way it was. Excellent work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

715

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3881301

Review of Time Heals All Wounds

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Hatsuda

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You did a great job with the characterizations. Gabe as an older man not even sure if he's meant to be in love again, and Despoina as an alluring and mysterious woman were both compelling characters, and I loved the fact that this story featured something other that characters at the height of their physical prime. There was something real and endearing about the fact that both of these people (especially Gabe) are coming into the relationship with some of the baggage that life has saddled them with; it made their eventual connection that much more engaging and appealing.

I thought the setting of their date was excellent. It was a nice surprise, a clever idea on Despoina's part, and - thanks to the engaging and sophisticated characters - meant so much more than just a prelude to a tryst. These are the kinds of little twists and surprises I look for in a story; a first date at one of their homes, that isn't just about getting lucky.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Although this is definitely more of a romantic story rather than an erotic story, I think the actual physical connection should be described in a little more detail. Not necessarily because I think it should be purely erotica, but because I wanted a little more substance to the encounter after all this build-up, so the reader could experience the intensity and arousal of the emotional connection that they both share. I was hoping that the significance of that important moment would have been granted more than a couple of brief paragraphs.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

All in all, I thought this was a compelling story and a great entry for the Paradise Cove prompt. I really wish there were more entries last month as I would have loved to have seen how this story fared against some competition. I have a hunch that it would have fared pretty well...

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

716

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3864900

Review of Thankful for Our Heroes

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Tim Chiu

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"

for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I really thought you did a great job with the sentiment of this piece. It's a really great tribute to the men and women who serve in the Armed Forces for the Memorial Day holiday. Nicely done.

The imagery in the poem was excellent. Each line was evocative and did a great job of painting a picture in the reader's mind. By the end of the piece, you described a clear and consistent message that was easy to identify and sympathize with.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

In the first stanza, I think there's a bit of a subject verb confusion. It reads, "The United States of America and its allies ... remembers its past and recent warring debacles." It should read, "The United States of America and its allies ... remember their past and recent warring debacles."

In the second stanza, I think the second line would read a little more fluidly if you reversed "armed forces" and "men and women" so the line read, "Courageous men and women of the Armed Forces."

The last stanza felt a little cumbersome... the first stanza was seven lines, but the middle two were four and five, so when we switched back to a longer, nine-line stanza, the pacing felt a little off. I would try to cut this stanza down by a couple lines to make it flow a little better.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a good job with this poem. It's a great start and I think it can be improved with some minor revisions here and there, but you've got a strong foundation to work with and it was a very touching, evocative Memorial Day tribute. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

717

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3838272

Review of The Jester

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Sum1

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I really loved the way you characterized jester. Throughout the poem you managed to create an in-depth and intriguing profile of a complex character that's more than meets the eye. Wonderful job!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The only suggestion for improvement I have (and keep in mind that poetry is not my strong suit) is that the flow and rhythm of a few of the couplets was a little rough in places. For example, "They are gathered together and taken to their rooms / Sleeping the night away while knowing of their doom." In addition to the second line being a syllable shorter than the first, "knowing of their doom" doesn't quite roll off the tongue. I would suggest smoothing out these couplets a little to improve the flow.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed the poem. I thought it was well-written and did an impressive job of creating an entire complex character in only a few stanzas. It was an enjoyable and excellent piece of poetry.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

718

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837615

Review of Painter of Dreams

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Zelphyr

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I absolutely loved your take on the prompt. It was creative, original, and intriguing. The story was compelling and the characters were engaging. The pacing was excellent and it was an all-around excellent story. Nice work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

This is one of the few entries for which I have no suggestions for improvement.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This story is one of my favorite entries. It's well-written, creative, and an excellent take on the prompt. Awesome job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

719

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837610

Review of The Artist at the Pond

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Kotaro

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I loved your take on the prompt. It was an engaging and unique story that took the prompt in an unexpected direction.

You did a great job highlighting the horror elements of the story. The narrative was creepy and had an appropriately dark ending.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I can't think of any areas of improvement with this story. It was compelling and entertaining just the way it is.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this entry. It was a clever take on the prompt and very well executed. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

720

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837609

Review of Rendering

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Fyn

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Excellent use of detail. Your description is vivid and really jumps off the page. It was a pleasure to read this story.

Good combined use of dialogue and description. One of the biggest problems I notice with stories is when the dialogue and the description are out of balance and there's far more of one than another. No problems with that here; you struck a great and even balance between the two elements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The passage of time between the point where Emily acquires the house and creates paintings for the other townsfolk seemed a little confusing. How long was she in town before she painted the picture for Sarah?

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was a lovely story that was well-written, engaging, and a wonderful take on the prompt.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

721

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837608

Review of Willow Wonderland

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Judge's Review

Hi drifter

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I like the character backstory you've created for your protagonist. It was believable and compelling and you did a good job of putting in just enough detail to make it clear for the reader without bogging them down in unnecessary description.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

There were quite a few typos/technical errors in the piece ("there" instead of their" in the first paragraph, missing closed quotation at the very end of the story, etc.) that made readability a little difficult; I would suggest a thorough proofread.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed the premise and thought you had a great character to work with. The execution could use a little polishing, but otherwise it was an enjoyable story. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

722

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837605

Review of Gossamer Wings

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Cherokee Rose

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good take on the prompt. I particularly liked the way you ended the story with an air of mystery.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought there were just a few too many questions that the narrator asked himself. Rhetorical questions can be a useful technique for moving the narrative along, but when there are a lot of them, they can sometimes become a little distracting. I would recommend picking a select few and filling them out with narrative description rather than writing question after question for the reader to follow along with.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this entry. I thought it was a good concept that was executed well. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

723

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837604

Review of Dragonflies

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Judge's Review

Hi Josh T. Alto

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I really enjoyed the ending of the story. I thought it concluded on an effective, emotional note the buildup to which was engaging and compelling.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I would have liked to have seen Robert's disappearance worked a little more into the story that suddenly appearing in the last few paragraphs. I think it would really engage the reader if they're struggling with his disappearance throughout the story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a solid job on this contest entry. It was intriguing, interesting, and well-executed. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

724

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3837601

Review of Wishing for Wuzhen

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Judge's Review

Hi Shannon

-

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author should feel free use or disregard any of the following comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I loved the relationship between your father and daughter characters. There was something genuine and endearing about the story he tells her and their relationship as they spend these moments fishing together.

You did a great job of presenting the backstory about Lily's mother with a nice, steady pace. You don't overload the reader with details and, even though the story is primarily about communicating this information to his daughter, it never feels heavy-handed or expository.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

No suggestions for improvement; I like this story just the way it is.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was well-written, compelling, and a great use of the prompt. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

725

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3825615

Review of How Much Longer?!

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi dolfo

-

As a newer member of this site, I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to Writing.Com. Today is actually my 10th anniversary of being a member here, and I'm celebrating by hosting "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala"

and giving away several prizes throughout the day. I've selected you as a recipient of one of 10 reviews I'm handing out today, which also comes with 10,000 Gift Points for you to spend as you please.

I'm enclosing the following review for your consideration, but please keep in mind that these comments are my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of them as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I think you did a great job capturing the emotion of feeling trapped inside some place, desperate to experience the outdoor things (like sunlight and rain) that many of us take for granted in our daily lives. Those experiences and emotions were detailed and descriptive and created a vivid image in the reader's mind.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought the repetition of "how much longer" at the end was a little over the top... I think you could achieve the same result with just three repetitions, or even the use of bold, italics, underlining, capitalization, etc. to make the emphasis more pronounced.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this item. I thought it was well-written, evocative and very compelling. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and again, welcome to Writing.Com! If you'd like to introduce yourself over at "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala"

, please feel free to click on the link or the image at the bottom of this review and stop by to say hello!

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .