Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,153 Public Reviews Given

4,282 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

701

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#3322489

Review of Death Chamber

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi billwilcox -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

The tone and atmosphere of the story was excellent.

Amos LaStrom is an effectively ominous and foreboding villain.

The story was realistic and believable.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought the reveal for Hawkins' character at the end was a tad bit predictable, based on the number of characters that appear in the story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

As with all your work, this story is enjoyable, entertaining, and engaging. I always love to read your stories, particularly for the characters and general atmosphere, which are always masterfully executed. It would be an honor to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

702

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#3322485

Review of Mama, Me, and the FBI

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Eliot

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I loved the way your protagonists' journey and history tie into real world events.

Your characters were interesting and engaging.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought there could be a little more tension as they drove through Oklahoma City. I wanted the suspense as they drove through, the reader wondering along with the characters, feeling sure they were going to get stopped, and then relief and amazement when they aren't.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was an interesting, entertaining story. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

703

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#3322484

Review of The greatest love story ever told

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Port Lariat

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

The characterization of your main character was excellent.

The epistolary structure works well for this story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought there could have been a little more clarification about why the journal was excluded from evidence during the trial.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a really entertaining, engaging story. Your main character was both creepy and irresistible in his focus, and you draped a very intriguing story around his actions. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

704

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#3322482

Review of Terminal Leave

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi Dakota Trent

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

The setting and circumstances were well established.

The murder was surprising and unexpected.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The story ended rather abruptly.

I was hoping for a little more explanation of what happened to Kyrkendall.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I enjoyed this story and thought it was a great setup for what could be a very intriguing and suspenseful larger story. It would be my pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

705

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#3321624

Review of Coin

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (2.5)

Hi Rahul

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I like the concept of a story telling two sides of an issue.

Your characters are interesting.

You make some great points about politics, love, family, tradition, and other important thematic elements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I had trouble understanding the theme (and title) of the coin. Generally, the concept of the duality of a coin is used to show two sides of the same issue... but in this story, it seemed like the two "faces" of your story were largely unrelated, save for the very, very end of the first segment which briefly references the protagonist's future on the battlefield, before transitioning to the second segment about war.

There were numerous typos and grammatical errors in the story. Your vocabulary is excellent, but the context in which those sophisticated words are used needs to be polished and developed a little more to make this item a more fluid read.

Try to vary your sentence structure a little. There was a tendency to write simple, declarative sentences throughout the work; I would suggest a few compound sentences of varied structure and composition to help give the piece a feeling of diversity and complexity.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I responded to some of the Edit Points in your document with specific notes, but generally, I can appreciate what you were going for in this piece of writing. I think the execution needs some work, but the commentary on war was effective and there was clearly a lot of thought that went into this story. I think that with some further development and revision, this could be an effective written work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

706

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#3321579

Review of Deep-Writing or Moral Argument

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Joy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great bullet-point suggestions for how to create a moral need.

Great examples from Maugham and Faulkner.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Would have liked to have seen a little more discussion of writing for entertainment versus deep writing.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a really wonderful article that inspires the reader to push their writing further. Entertainment value is certainly important (particularly in fiction), but as writers, we often aspire to affect our audience in a deeper way than just giving them a "fun story" to read and forget about once the last page has been turned. This article did a wonderful job of articulating what those aspirations should be, and more importantly, how we can achieve those results. Great advice!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

707

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#3319800

Review of A Quiet Disturbed

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is the official review for the March/April round of the Sinister Stories contest. Sorry for the delay in judging; the results will be posted shortly.

I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a great job with the tone of the piece, and had some really effective, atmospheric description. All in all, this was an entertaining read. Nice job!

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Sinister Regards,

Jeff

708

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#3319453

Review of The Hunting License

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is your official review for the March/April round of Beyond the Water's Edge. Sorry for the delay in getting these reviews done.

This was a really entertaining short story. I thought you did a great job with the characterization and description. This was an excellent exploration of the prompt.

Stay tuned; winners for the March/April round will be announced soon!

Best regards,

Jeff

709

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#3319451

Review of Sam Pfitter Spells

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

This is your official review for the March/April round of Beyond the Water's Edge. Sorry for the delay in getting these reviews done.

Nice job with this story. I thought you did a great job with the imagery and the description you used to create this world; it was a great use of the prompt and there were no errors that I could find.

Stay tuned; winners for the March/April round will be announced soon!

Best regards,

Jeff

710

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#3319448

Review of Shouldn't have done that

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This is your official review for the March/April round of Beyond the Water's Edge. Sorry for the delay in getting these reviews done.

This was an interesting story. I like the mystery you infused into the tale, particularly the way you left the audience wondering about what Jeremy actually wrote about each of the people who were angry with him. If I had one suggestion, it would be to explain Jeremy's character in a little greater detail, to help the audience understand why he wrote this book and why he's staying in town. Other than that, I thought this was a fun, entertaining read.

Stay tuned; winners for the March/April round will be announced soon!

Best regards,

Jeff

711

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#3319445

Review of Memories of a Mississippi Summer

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

This is your official review for the March/April round of Beyond the Water's Edge. Sorry for the delay in getting these reviews done.

Overall, I really liked your story. It was a really powerful story, full of vivid imagery and a theme that ran throughout the piece. Great use of the prompt and excellent writing... I am enclosing a modest number of GPs with this review as a thank you for being one of the two authors who actually submitted their entry on time, before I extended the deadline. Win or lose, they're yours to keep.

Best regards,

Jeff

712

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#3305931

Review of The Girl with the Cobalt Blue Eyes

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi fyn

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I thought this was an really enjoyable story. You did a great job of setting up the mysterious girl with the cobalt eyes early on, watching everybody from town interact in the diner... and those details set up the surprising ending very well and made for a satisfying twist end. Overall, I thought this was an excellent piece, and it would be a pleasure to feature it in next week's official Mystery Newsletter. Great job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3305678

Review of Burned

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Scott Joseph

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really liked this story. I thought you did a great job with the atmosphere and tone of the piece, and the twist involving Margaret at the end was unexpected, surprising, and really well executed. All in all, this was an outstanding piece and it would be a pleasure to feature it in next week's issue of the official Mystery Newsletter. Great work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3305539

Review of THE LEGACY

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi tosca

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I thought you did a really good job with this story. The visual of the eight and a half million dollars was a great way to open the story, and the way you played out the wife's interaction with the police after her husband's death was well plotted and well presented. All in all, it was an intriguing story that kept me interested and engaged all the way through. Great job! It would be a pleasure to feature this item in next week's official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3305531

Review of Dollar Bill

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi tYpO/T.Boilerman

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I thought this was a fun, entertaining story. You did a great job of setting up an intriguing premise that grabbed your reader's attention and never let go. If I had one suggestion, it would be to write more! The story ended a little abruptly for my tastes, and I definitely wanted to know what happened with the website. Other than that, I thought this was a great story, and it would be a pleasure to feature this in next week's issue of the official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3305525

Review of Earning It All

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Joy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story, Joy. You did a great job of setting up the twist ending and working all the elements of the story into a satisfying resolution. I would have liked to have seen a little more description of the events that happened to Janice, rather than just stating that she didn't quite remember when he bumped into her... but other than that small element, I thought this was really well written. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in next week's official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3305509

Review of The Dress

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi twinkledee ♥'s you

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought you did a great job setting up the mystery of the dress, and keeping the reader guessing about what the significance of that dress could be. There were a couple of great twists in this story (I won't ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it), and I think your protagonist, Joe, was believable, realistic, and engaging. I would have liked to have seen a resolution to the significance of the dress, but other than that, I think this was a great piece. It would be my pleasure to feature this in next week's issue of the official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3303492

Review of Waiting

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I enjoyed this story. I thought you set it up really well with an interesting protagonist and an engaging hook, and the narrative was interesting and easy to follow. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in next week's Mystery newsletter.

- Jeff

719

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#3303488

Review of The Mystery of the Keys

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written, interesting, and engaging. I thought your characters were realistic and the narrative was well presented. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter.

- Jeff

720

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#3303482

Review of The Circus of the Smile

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I enjoyed reading this story. I thought it was simple, straightforward, and well executed. I was very impressed with the way you managed to fit everything into so comparatively few words, and it would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter.

- Jeff

721

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#3301601

Review of Innocence's Blood

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I thought this was a really well written story. In very few words, you were able to touch on the really powerful themes of prejudice and the loss of innocence. Sarah was a sympathetic, understandable character, which made the ending all the more tragic.

The only issue I could find with this story was the repetition of the word "when" in the fourth paragraph. "Sarah knew they were talking about her when they suddenly stopped arguing when she came in." I think it would read a little better if the last part of that sentence were tweaked slightly, to something like, "Sarah knew they were talking about her when they suddenly stopped arguing as she came in."

Other than that one minor issue, I thought this was a very well-written, emotional piece. Great work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3301556

Review of James

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi The Blue Note

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

What I'm particularly impressed with in this story is your ability to capture the tense, gritty tone of a crime piece. With only 300 hundred words to work with, it's very difficult to write something with atmosphere and resonance... and in that respect, I think you did a remarkable job. Very impressive.

Overall, though, I felt that the piece was a little rough in execution. In particular, the first paragraph sentence, "Balancing on two stilts with his arms tied behind the chair, there is no way he's struggling" confused me a little, because I initially read it to mean he's choosing not to struggle. I think if it were phrased more absolutely, like, "Balancing on two stilts with his arms tied behind his chair made struggling impossible," the sentence would more effectively convey your meaning that James is not in a position to struggle, even if he wanted to.

Also, as a minor point, most Smith & Wesson handguns (as well as those by other manufacturers) aren't made of "cold iron", but more lightweight material like stainless steel or other alloys.

Other than that, though, I enjoyed this story. As I said earlier, it's not easy to write a complete story in 300 words or less, and even more difficult to create something that has a clear, definitive tone and sense of style to it. In that respect, I am very impressed. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3301296

Review of My Love...

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Crimson Goth

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem. I thought you did a particularly good job with the metaphors; the comparison to the constants of the sun and moon and earth in the first stanza effectively convey the extent to which the author feels a connection with his subject.

If there were one area of improvement that I could suggest, it would be in the actual imagery. There were a few instances where I had a difficult time envisioning the visual. "...revolving around you until I am the diamond that is surrounding you with my hold.", for example, tripped me up a bit because I was trying to envision how a diamond could surround and hold something. Also, "the waterfalls that you create with your emerald colored eyes" was another point where I had difficulty picturing the image you were painting.

Other than those two parts though, I thought you did a very good job with this poem. It was concise, evocative, and well structured, particularly the last stanza which was beautifully crafted and phrased.

Good job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3294175

Review of Bonner

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi CopperDragonet

:

I am reviewing your item today on behalf of the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

and have enclosed a few comments below, for your consideration. Please keep in mind that my opinion is only that of one person, and you - the author - are in the best position to determine what's most appropriate for your story. Feel free to use or disregard any of the comments below as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story... I thought you did a great job with your protagonist and the description as she gets home from a long day and soaks in the bath... I would love to see more writing featuring this character! All in all, it was a great beginning to what I hope will be further adventures.

Additionally, it would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

's weekly newsletter. If you are not a member of the group and would like to either join or have a copy of the newsletter e-mailed to you, just let me know.

I hope that you've found my comments and observations useful. Thank you for allowing me to rate and review your item. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

725

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#3294168

Review of Heaven

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Aria

:

I am reviewing your item today on behalf of the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

and have enclosed a few comments below, for your consideration. Please keep in mind that my opinion is only that of one person, and you - the author - are in the best position to determine what's most appropriate for your story. Feel free to use or disregard any of the comments below as you see fit.

Nice job with this story. The romance aspect of the tale was the highlight of the story, for me, and I thought the sexual aspect was handled respectfully and tastefully. All in all, I thought this was an enjoyable, well written story. Nice work!

Additionally, it would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

's weekly newsletter. If you are not a member of the group and would like to either join or have a copy of the newsletter e-mailed to you, just let me know.

I hope that you've found my comments and observations useful. Thank you for allowing me to rate and review your item. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"