Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,167 Public Reviews Given

4,296 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

651

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#3374602

Review of The Eye Doctor (Featured WDC Newsletter)

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Intriguing concept.

Compelling characters.

Entertaining story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Quite a few typos and grammatical errors.

The dialogue in the story felt a little verbose and repetitive.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought it was interesting, engaging, and a fun read. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

652

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#3374598

Review of The Next Victim

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Joy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great characterization.

Excellent mystery elements.

Entertaining storyline.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Absolutely nothing.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I loved this story. It was engaging, interesting, and kept my interest from beginning to end. I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I loved this story just the way it is.

It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Great work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

653

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#3374577

Review of The Shore

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Callie Leonore

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

- Elegant prose

- Engaging main character

- Good use of description

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

- There were a few too many rhetorical questions. After a few paragraphs, they it felt like they were starting to detract from the narrative.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written, interesting, and entertaining. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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#3372899

Review of Heaven and ERth

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi pitbull

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Beyond The Water's Edge Contest, and I have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of dialogue

Good use of the prompt

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

With a word count limit of 2,000 words, I was hoping to see a little more detail, description and story development.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a good job with the characters, the prompt, and the storyline overall. While I was hoping for a little more story, what was on the page worked. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

655

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#3372326

Review of To Silence a Love

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Fairport

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good concept

Interesting characters

Compelling storyline

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The section breaks made the story feel a tad disjointed.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and effective. A solid entry for the Sinister Stories contest. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

656

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#3371760

Review of Your Poem

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Erika

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Wonderfully evocative

Forceful, effective tone

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This was a really powerful piece of writing. It was emotional, engaging, and really compelling. The imagery in your first and third paragraphs were a stark contrast to the simplicity and straightforward effectiveness of the other three paragraphs, and that contrast, for me, is what made this such an exceptional piece. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1528250 Unavailable **

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#3371759

Review of Accused

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Write-fully Loti

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great imagery

Good, effective dialogue

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a really well-written, engaging piece of writing. Your character development was excellent, the writing itself was elegant, and the story was intriguing. All in all, a very satisfying, enjoyable read. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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658

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#3371757

Review of The Veil

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Nikola~Ugh Summer!

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I came across this item tonight through Random Read, and I'm glad I did! I thought you did a great job with the imagery and the description in this poem... it was very clear what was happening in the narrative, and the story was told with elegance and sophistication. I really enjoyed this item, and I think it's safe to say that I'll be making future trips back to your port to check out more of your poetry.

I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I honestly could find nothing in need of improvement to comment upon. Perfect just the way it is.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3371753

Review of Japanese etheree

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi FrisoD

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

As someone who has yet to visit Japan (and really wants to), I thought this was an interesting and fun piece. The structure of the poem, including the visual element of centering it on the page (or screen, in this case) was effective and pleasing to the eye. Other than capitalizing "Buddhists" (and pluralizing it), and the lack of end-of-sentence punctuation (which made the whole poem feel a bit like a run-on sentence) I didn't catch any technical errors.

You did a really good job of capturing many of the elements to both modern and traditional Japan... I suppose the true testament to a piece of travel writing is whether you're able to convince your audience that the experience was valuable... and I certainly want to go more than ever now!

Nice work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3371751

Review of Stalker

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi FrisoD

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. I thought it was engaging, interesting, and you did a great job of telling a complete story in only a few short words.

A couple suggestions:

The alternating point of view was a little hard to follow. The first paragraph is told from the vampire's point of view, the second paragraph from the woman's... the third paragraph from the vampire's, the fourth from hers... etc. While alternating points of view are perfectly acceptable in most cases, I felt that the brevity of this piece made it difficult to follow along with two different points of view, when the transitions come after only a sentence or two with one character, before jumping to the next. It was an effective structure toward the end of the story, when the events became more tense and suspenseful, but I would suggest revising the beginning (if only by adding content) to give the audience a sense of who these characters are before jumping to the next one.

There were several technical errors in the story (in the first paragraph, for example, "... was a better high then than any drug could give him." And, "... but soon that heavenly sent scent of fear..."). I would recommend proof-reading to catch the little typos that do tend to add up.

I thought the plan to grab a stake from her purse and stab the vampire was a little difficult to follow along with. Since most vampires are commonly portrayed as having heightened senses, abilities, etc., it seemed a little strange that the plot to kill the vampire involved merely concealing a stake in her purse, pulling it out, and staking him right there in the middle of the street. I was hoping for a bit more elaborate method that a vampire wouldn't see coming or be able to react to.

Other that the above-listed points, I thought this was a fun, entertaining read. It was short, to the point, and had a wonderful, satisfying ending. Nice job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

661

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14 days may be credited.

#3368508

Review of Find The Monsters before they find you

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a great word search... I think you had a good diversity of monsters, and a good cohesive theme, which are the two most important and often overlooked elements in a good word search. I had a lot of fun finding the impressive variety of monsters you included in this word search. Great job!

SoCalScribe

662

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#3366436

Review of Thirst

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Excellent story, Moriarty! I know from experience it's not easy to tell a story in such a short span of words, and you did a great job creating a quick flash fiction tale with consistent mystery elements. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

SoCalScribe

663

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14 days may be credited.

#3366426

Review of Making the Cut

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I thought this was a great item, Shade Knight

. The structure and imagery were great, and it was very well written. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

SoCalScribe

664

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#3358534

Review of The New Beginning

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi Charda

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of erotic elements

Interesting story

Engaging characters

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Felt rushed

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really liked this story. It was fun, entertaining, and sexy. Ultimately, I felt that the story felt a little rushed without a lot of setup or resolution. While that tends to happen with "quickie" stories less than a thousand words, your entry came in at 733 words... and I felt like those remaining 136 words allowed by the Weekly Quickie contest rules could have really helped round this story out a little more. Other than that, though, I thought it was a very enjoyable story, and it would be a pleasure to feature it in the next issue of the Unofficial Erotica Newsletter. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

665

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14 days may be credited.

#3357926

Review of A Rose Upon The Sill

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi AlyCatAuthor HAPPY 4th!

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Angel Army review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great structure

Good imagery

Elegant writing

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed this poem. You did a great job with the structure and imagery, and your writing was elegant, well paced, and flowed well. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Great work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

666

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#3357899

Review of Typographical Terror

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Winnie Kay

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Angel Army review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good concept

Great ending

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The lead-in chat conversation was a little easy to spot.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a really good job creating an engaging, creepy, tragic story. I would suggest making the initial chat conversation a little longer, and burying the "I like seeing you in that T-shirt" line somewhere in the middle of a much longer exchange; the current one was so short, the line really stuck out, and the reader spends the next three paragraphs wondering how Alisa didn't see it... until she does. By masking that line a little better, I think you'll keep your reader guessing. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

667

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14 days may be credited.

#3356699

Review of Jane Austen, Emily Bronte

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Princess Megan Rose 22 Years

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Brilliant concept

Great execution

Demonstrated knowledge of both authors' literature.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

In the first paragraph, "Jane sat in her favorite blue velvet wing tip back chair." To the best of my knowledge, "wingtip" is a type shoe, and "wing back" is a type of chair.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent piece of writing. I thoroughly enjoyed the concept and execution, which was entertaining, engaging... and I would think should teach people a little about both of these must-read authors if they haven't experienced their work before. Excellent piece of writing!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

668

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#3355455

Review of Don't Build a Shrine

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Legerdemain

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Elegant

Convincing

Well written

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a great item that paralleled my feelings about building monuments to those that have been lost. While I certainly understand the desire to memorialize where someone was lost (particularly in the event of tragedies like car accidents and such), I also think it's important not to dwell on the loss itself, but on who the individual was as a person. Thanks for sharing such a well written and evocative piece of writing. Always a pleasure to read your work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

669

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#3353757

Review of Paper World.

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi khaki

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

As a longtime fan of super-short flash fiction contests (100 words, 99 words, 55 words, etc.), I can definitely appreciate the skill and difficulty involved in completing an entry at all, let alone one as sophisticated as this one. While most writers would struggle to even tell a basic story with a beginning, middle, and end in the span of only 55 words, you also managed to work in strong thematic elements and some powerful imagery... not easy to do! Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

670

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#3353755

Review of HAIKUS (about trees)

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi khaki

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

As someone who has just recently ventured into the realm of poetry (and fell in love with the haiku form), I have to say that I really enjoyed these two samples of the form. They were elegant, well written, and evocative. 🌕 HuntersMoon

is an excellent poet (and gave me incredibly helpful advice on my first haiku); I would suggest also possibly requesting that he review this item, as he is infinitely more well-versed in this form than I am... But as far as my opinion goes, I like what I see!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

671

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#3353752

Review of Destiny... (The Move Ahead)

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi khaki

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed the message in this poem. I think the last two lines really drove home the point and made an elegant philosophical statement. The structure was sound, the writing was concise and had a good flow to it; all in all, I thought this was an excellent selection of poetry. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

672

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14 days may be credited.

#3353749

Review of Lie To Me My lover

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Lunarmirror

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I think the narrator in this story is engaging and complex. You did a good job of presenting her life and the conflicts and struggles she has endured in her relationships. I was hoping for a little more character development for her husband (Eric), to make him more of an active, dynamic antagonist, but otherwise I found this to be a compelling, interesting story. Nice job.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

673

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14 days may be credited.

#3353746

Review of Wounds In Bones

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Lunarmirror

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I enjoyed this story. There was clearly a lot of originality and creativity that went into writing a story like this; your characters were excellent, and the story was well-presented with consistent atmosphere and tone. The two suggestions I have are to make the opening dialogue a little less expository (many of the lines were on the nose), and to flesh out the story with some detailed narrative description, in addition to the dialogue. When a piece is composed primarily of dialogue, it feels more like it's written for the stage or screen rather than the page... and the way you present that narrative is often one of the defining characteristics of an author. Still, this was a very well written piece, and I greatly enjoyed reading it. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

674

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14 days may be credited.

#3353741

Review of Lullaby

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Just Aniece!

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the item, but ultimately felt that it was a bit unfinished. In this relatively short piece of writing, the reader is thrown into an unfamiliar situation (a narrator who has a conversation with a bed), and the events of the story are concluded rather abruptly. I was a little confused about who the narrator is, why he would have a conversation with the bed (and what makes a bed "wise") about bedbugs, and where the man comes into play.

I definitely think there's potential for this story, but in its present form, the point of view needs to be clarified and the work, in my opinion, needs to be developed and expanded so that the reader can have a clear picture in their mind about who this narrator is, and why they are reading this story.

All that said, the overall concept intrigued me, and I would like to read more.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#3352086

Review of Fluffy

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi kittiara -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Engaging dialogue

Interesting story

Great ending

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The section breaks made the item feel slightly disjointed

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This was a fun story. I love the Dialogue 500 Contest, and you did a great job telling a story through dialogue. I thought that the section breaks made the story feel a bit segmented and jumpy, but other than that, you did a really good job with this entry. It's hard to get dialogue right... and even harder to tell a story with ONLY dialogue... and in that respect, I think you did an excellent job. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .