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4,622 Public Reviews Given
4,751 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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Review of Query letter  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
 
Hook Us! Open in new Window. [E]
Submit your query letter for a chance at our grand prize worth 1,000 dollars!
by Writing.Com Support Author Icon

*Hook* Official Judges' Review *Hook*


Hi Sam Queston Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Hook Us!" Open in new Window. official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

Your hook is excellent; it really captures the reader's attention and provides them with concise, intriguing details about the world you're creating. *Thumbsup*

I did find the mini-synopsis to be a bit lacking... more of an overview of the premise rather than any specific detail about the narrative of the story. I would have liked to have read a little more actual synopsis to know where the story is headed.


TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

I believe it's okay to round your word count in query letters; rather than saying 137,703, I've been told that rounding it to 138,000, for example, is acceptable and makes the figure seem a little less stringent.

I also didn't get the sense that there was much of a concluding paragraph; I would recommend including a final paragraph that gives a little information about yourself, your goals for the work, and thanks the reader for their time in considering your work.


OVERALL

Overall, I enjoyed the creative elements you included in the letter, but feel like - as a query - the letter itself falls a little short by not including any personal details or conclusion after the synopsis.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
652
652
Review of Crossings  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
 
Hook Us! Open in new Window. [E]
Submit your query letter for a chance at our grand prize worth 1,000 dollars!
by Writing.Com Support Author Icon

*Hook* Official Judges' Review *Hook*


Hi OutOfTheAshes Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Hook Us!" Open in new Window. official contest, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.


CREATIVE ELEMENTS

I think you did a great job with your initial "hook" paragraph. You set up an ample amount of mystery and plenty of story so that the reader knows there's a full narrative that needs to unfold, and each facet of the story and characters you presented was intriguing and interesting.

I like the fact that you included information about yourself in the concluding paragraph; I think that's important in order to strike a personal note with the reader. *Thumbsup*

TECHNICAL ELEMENTS

Unfortunately, the second paragraph doesn't really expand into the "mini-synopsis" that was requested, however, as it's more of a few short sentences on the background and general premise of your material rather than a more in-depth exploration of the narrative.

Unless "Goddess" is the name of the character or a proper title, that word in your opening paragraph (the hook) should probably be lowercase.

Since you mentioned Noyes' poem as your inspiration, I would research and find out if the poem is in the public domain and make mention of that in the query letter. I would also remove references to the Loreena McKennitt song so that it doesn't create any concerns over whether you based your work on copyrighted material. Based on the date published, the poem is likely in public domain and the song is likely not... and when you're approaching a publisher about a potential project, the last thing you want to do is create concern over whether there are possible intellectual property rights that could be an issue!

OVERALL

Overall, I think the basis for a good query letter is here. I think the copyright issue needs to be addressed and there needs to be more of a mini-synopsis in the middle of the query, but the content is interesting and the letter is well-written. You're off to a good start. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
653
653
Review of Emerald  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Nathan Peterson Author Icon -

Thank you for sending me a review request! It's my pleasure to be able to enclose the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

First, I have to apologize for letting this review expire after I accepted it. The past several days have been really hectic, and I haven't had much time online. I figured the least I could do is actually send the review, albeit a little later than intended.

Overall, I think this was a compelling and engaging story. There were just a couple of points that I wanted to mention. First, I thought it felt a little strange that Emerald was so accepting of a stranger speaking to her in the alley. After just being beaten and raped by an attacker who tried to murder her, she's awfully accepting of another stranger spending time with her while she bleeds out. I think you need a little extra something to explain why she feels comfortable around him; perhaps the way he talks to her or reassures her is convincing... you just need a little something so that the audience understands her trust of another stranger moments after the previous one left her for dead.

Second, I feel like Emerald spends a little too much time going over the details of her past at length. I feel like shorter anecdotes that are pared down and really get to the heart of the emotion will sit better with readers and keep the pace of the story moving along at a faster clip, particularly in the opening third of the story where you really need to build momentum to get your reader engaged.

Third, why does Ron automatically assume the stranger is in his house is related to the prostitute? Ron strikes me as someone who is supremely confident in his own abilities and the impossibility of getting caught. Granted, the sudden appearance of someone in his house would be jarring, but the fact that he immediately jumps to the assumption that the guy is there to see him about the prostitute conflicts with his attitude of superiority and invincibility. I think this scene would play out better if Ron were just concerned with getting the guy out of the house, and his mysterious stranger were the one to suddenly start dropping details about Emerald and bring his world (and self-confidence) crashing down around him.

The last suggestion I have is to divide up the perspective changes with something visible to let us know that we're changing point of view. Reading the item straight through without a visible break makes the transition a little jarring; I would definitely recommend either some extra space or a line with a few dashes (-----) to break up the narrative into neat, easily to differentiate point of view segments.

Other than those few comments, I thought this was a compelling item with interesting characters and an interesting take on the devil mythology. Nice work! *Thumbsup*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
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Please check out these groups:
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"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
654
654
Review of Personal Power  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **


Hi LifeLibertyandJusticeforAll Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought this was a great short poem that really brings up some interesting issues about the nature of personal power. It's an important concept that I think we could all use reminding of every now and then; that confidence and courage can change our lives and those are often attitudes that cannot be purchased or owned without an investment on our part. I thought the form of this poem worked well and it was structured nicely. All in all, it was a great read. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
655
655
Review of The Seasons  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1804482 Unavailable **


Hi Dandelion Man Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I like the fact that you included the form you used in the item introduction so it's clear to the reader that you are, in fact, following a specific structure rather than writing free verse. *Thumbsup* Overall, I like the fact that each verse dealt with a different season and captured a different emotion. I did think that the third verse for "autumn" and fourth for "winter" were the strongest lead-ins... the other two felt indirect since the seasons aren't the subject of those lines. "We met in spring" and "In summer we grew" both use "we" as the subject, while "Autumn" and "winter" are the subjects of their respective verses and I think makes for a more compelling characterization of the season to go with the sentiments that follow in each of their respective verses.

Other than that, though, I thought this was an excellent poem, and I think the senryu form across multiple verses was a good choice given the subject matter. Well done! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
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"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
656
656
Review of The Notice  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1729356 Unavailable **


Hi 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I love the idea of a community where parents are required to send their kids to an off-planet boarding school. I think that's really clever and a great way into a story. *Thumbsup* For me, this has the best elements of science fiction which are real-world situations (boarding schools, senseless government policies, the struggle to provide a better life for one's children, etc.) explained and presented in a science fiction setting. You did a great job fitting all of that into such a comparatively few number of words; it's not easy to tell a sci-fi story this good in such a limited about of space! I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I think it's great just like it is. *Bigsmile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
657
657
Review of Failed Magic  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1729356 Unavailable **


Hi DyrHearte writes Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

This was a fun, entertaining flash fiction story. I thought the characters were well-developed and the narrative was compelling, even for a story of so few words. It's not easy to tell a complete story in such a short span of time, but I thought you really did an excellent job with this piece. I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but I thought it was great as is. *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
658
658
Review of Unconditional  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **


Hi Dance-Monkey ~ We've got this Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only my own opinions.

I thought this was a really touching, affirming piece about the power of true, unconditional love. Life has a way of throwing trying and difficult times at us, whether the loss of a loved one, substance abuse, depression, or a whole variety of other issues... and it's incredibly touching when people are able to sort through them together and not give up on one another.

The one part of the story that gave me pause was the line, "After a while, the friends stopped calling, the journalists got bored, even Jennifer's family seemed to accept she was gone." I'm a little uncertain how the journalists factor into the story. Was Jennifer's story the subject of media scrutiny at some point? I don't recall that referenced earlier in the story, so it was a little confusing which "journalists" got bored.

Other than that, though, it was a very well-written and touching story. Nice work! *Smile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff

Please check out these groups:
"The Screenwriting Group" Open in new Window.
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
659
659
Review of The Last Egg  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good day to you, GaelicQueen Author Icon!

The "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window. is upon us and House Lannister (the best House) is honored to have the privilege of reviewing your item! Please keep in mind that these are only suggestions based on one person's reading of your work:


I thought you did a good job with this story. For less than three hundred words, there was a lot of action and you did a great job of building the tension as your characters tried to make their daring escape. I like the twist at the end, and the fact that it was a story that didn't offer just a convenient happily ever after, but I found myself wanting a little more setup to the fact that the egg would be hatching. I know that's a tough order to fill in an item with so few words, but I think a little foreshadowing is important for a twist like that, so that the reader more fully appreciates the surprise when it happens. Additionally, although the dragonlet returning to its parent was the point at which the characters knew they had failed, I think it's important to also at least imply what the cost of failure is to these characters so the reader understands the stakes of their quest.

Other than that, I thought this was an engaging, entertaining story. I can definitely see this as a dynamic scene in a longer work. I didn't see any technical errors and had a great time reading it. Nice work!


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your most excellent wordsmithy!

Fare thee well!

-- Jeff Author Icon


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660
660
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good day to you, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon!

The "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window. is upon us and House Lannister (the best House) is honored to have the privilege of reviewing your item! Please keep in mind that these are only suggestions based on one person's reading of your work:


*Laugh* This was a very entertaining story for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. I think it was a great take on the prompt and you used humor effectively throughout the piece. I can't help but think that perhaps your protagonist just made the wrong kind of hat our of tinfoil. If he had gone with a bowler, or perhaps a more fashionable fedora, his brainwaves would have been safer! *Wink*

I appreciated the fact that both the Dust Bunny and the Sock Monster made an appearance... perhaps this will ultimately be a cautionary tale to readers on the value of keeping their homes clean... or at least treating the filthy creatures under their sofas and beds with a little more respect! *Laugh*

Honestly, I couldn't find any suggestions for improvement in this story. It was funny, original, and a wonderfully bizarre (in the best kind of way) take on a prompt that most people would probably take in a fairly standard direction. I think you did a great job with this entry (as you do with so many of them). *Thumbsup*


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your most excellent wordsmithy!

Fare thee well!

-- Jeff Author Icon


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
661
661
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Good day to you, Corvo Starke Author Icon!

The "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window. is upon us and House Lannister (the best House) is honored to have the privilege of reviewing your item! Please keep in mind that these are only suggestions based on one person's reading of your work:


You bring up an interesting perspective on the whole idea of Heaven and Hell, God and the Devil. It's always interesting to consider an argument from the opposite side of the fence, and with Christianity (and indeed a the Judeo-Christian movement as a whole) such a dominant viewpoint in the world today, I think it's pretty safe to say that the "Satan was the good guy" perspective is not as popular! *Laugh*

What I always have a difficult time with in these kind of philosophical arguments is the presumption that we understand divine motivation. It's hard enough to understand the motivations of other people, let alone deities! I think the arguments that God created us to be slaves or that Satan was merely setting us free could be countered by the argument that God wanted to keep us from experiencing sin and/or that Satan is less interested in setting us free than keeping us our of Heaven and in our own personal hell.

Regardless (and I know these arguments can often go in circles upon circles), I think it's great that you're presenting an alternate viewpoint, acting as a devil's advocate (literally) and suggesting that not everything is necessarily as it seems upon first glance. In order for true spirituality to be effective, I think it first requires some serious introspection and analysis... and that can't happen without considering alternative viewpoints. *Smile*


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your most excellent wordsmithy!

Fare thee well!

-- Jeff Author Icon


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
662
662
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good day to you, mrsrevjohnson Author Icon!

The "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window. is upon us and House Lannister (the best House) is honored to have the privilege of reviewing your item! Please keep in mind that these are only suggestions based on one person's reading of your work:


My wife is a special education teacher, so I definitely understand the struggles with No Child Left Behind and the challenge of educating kids in general! I think you did a great job of establishing the expectations of the law and how schools are currently trying to meet those objectives, but I was a little confused about whether you're merely trying to establish the facts about NCLB and then ask for readers' opinions, or if you're trying to promote a specific course of action or solution to the problem.

On the one hand, the first part of the article seems to be informative, but toward the end of the article you clearly define a point of view, mentioning that the existing system simply doesn't work. I think this article would be a little more effective if you either completely removed any subjective opinions, or more fully integrated them into and throughout the article. Additionally, in addition to asking a 'yes or no' question at the end (i.e., "Do you think this law sounds fair?"), I think it would be great to prompt the reader to actively participate as well, perhaps by encouraging them to offer suggestions for improvement if they don't think the law is fair.

Overall, I think this was a solid article and certainly a topic more people should be talking about!


Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your most excellent wordsmithy!

Fare thee well!

-- Jeff Author Icon


** Image ID #1920846 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
663
663
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Michael Baauer Author Icon -

Sorry, I didn't have a chance to review this item before the review request you sent me expired; it's been a busy week and I'm just now getting the chance to sign on and get caught up with my emails. *Blush* I'm happy to send you a review, although poetry really isn't my area of expertise, so I can't speak with much of any authority on the subject. That said, I really enjoyed the poem and thought you did a good job creating an evocative, vivid poem. I could clearly see the imagery you were creating, and I think every stanza builds on the last to give the reader a fuller picture of the themes you're trying to convey.

Really nice work! And thank you for the opportunity to review it! *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
664
664
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

Hi Odessa Molinari Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


Thanks for the email requesting feedback for this book synopsis. Generally speaking, I don't like to to give away everything in a synopsis (unless specifically requested) because I like to leave a little bit of mystery and surprise to entice someone to actually request the manuscript itself rather than getting all the info they need from a summary of it.

Overall, I think you've got a good synopsis here that gives a clear picture of the story, but I would also try to focus on playing up the suspense and the drama so that it really piques the reader's interest. For example, I would probably start by introducing the case your protagonist is working on, then add in later the fact that her taking the case is making her ex-husband's custody argument over the children that much more effective, so she has to balance the needs of the case with the needs of preventing her husband from taking her kids away.

Lastly, I would suggest a little more information about each character you introduce. Even if it's just a quick sentence of description, I would describe each named character so that we understand the significance of Mrs. Constance Kerswell, her husband John Kerswell, and Briggs. For example, "when one of her clients, [wealthy philanthropist] Mrs. Constance Kerswell..." or "... the victim's husband, [rock star] John Kerswell..." I think that little bit of additional detail will really make the characters stand out and give your reader a clear picture of them even in the synopsis.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
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Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
665
665
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi deadstroke Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I really enjoyed this introduction to Sul'hupkaar. I thought you did a particuarly good job with the detailed description of the world, the weapons, and the physical qualities of the subject of this character piece, and I loved the cliffhanger that you ended on. Sul'hupkaar seems like some kind of combination of Dark Elf and vampire, at least that's my guess, and I think you did an excellent job of setting up an intriguing character of questionable origins that will hopefully be revealed in future installments. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


** Image ID #1534736 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
666
666
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Hi ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I thought this was a really lovely devotional on Psalms 1. I think it's important to realized that there will be challenges in one's life and that having the proper perspective is crucial to being able to cope with those challenges and the accompanying chaos and stress that come with them. I like the fact that you cited so many relevant bible passages and yet still kept the entire piece on message and thematically oriented. Nicely done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
667
667
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Sparky Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I really enjoyed the imagery and description in this poem. It was detailed, vivid, and you did a great job structuring the poem in a clean and organized way. I did find the individual lines to be a little long... it was difficult for me to keep the rhyme scheme in mind with so many syllables on each line... but despite that, I thought this was a very engaging poem that effectively told its story. Nice work! *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


** Image ID #1534744 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
668
668
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)

Hi jazjaz Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.


I think you've got the great start to a project here. There are lots of interesting elements to this, such as the nanites and the bank robbery and the action you've outlined in the piece. The entire chapter felt a little rough though, as if it were more of an outline. There's lots of dialogue but not very much detailed description, and the scenes and settings jump around quite a bit. If this is a rough draft, that's totally fine, but when you're finishing it up, you may want to consider rounding it out a little more and adding some content to flesh things out a little bit. (FYI, if it is a draft, you can select that rather than "chapter" as the static item type, which would let readers know that it's not in finished form yet). I think you're off to a good start though, and I'm definitely intrigued by your characters and story so far! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
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Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Kitty Can Write Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really enjoyed the way you organized your letter. Your comparison of the things in your life that made you unhappy last year to the ways you want to change this year was well organized, presented effectively, and it was very engaging. I thought you did a great job setting multiple challenging goals while still making them all feel like they were attainable. *Thumbsup*


BELIEVABILITY

The presentation of your letter was excellent. Each goal was delivered with a bit of backstory, an objective, and a process for moving forward. Even more importantly, though, it was written in a compelling and passionate way that engages your reader and - more importantly - will hopefully reignite your passion for achieving these goals if you find yourself flagging later in the year and need to re-read this piece for inspiration and encouragement.


FEASIBILITY

Every single one of your goals seemed realistic and achievable. You set some really challenging goals for yourself, but also laid them out with a clear and steady plan that will allow you to stick to it in small increments and achieve the broader goal by the end of the year. Great work! *Smile*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

Just one small typo I noticed: "Perhaps, though, you allow yourself only two [bottles] per paycheck, if you're running low."


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
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Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
670
670
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Prosperous Pen Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I really respect the goals you've set for yourself in the new year. I'm glad you've reconciled your relationship with God and admire the commitment to putting Him first above all else, including yourself. From the perspective of your letter's content, however, I felt that the content about the coming year was a little lacking. The majority of the letter, up until the very last paragraph, was backstory about last year which - while certainly important to understand your goals for this year - was such a dominant feature of the letter that it almost felt like the letter's intent was to provide the background more than to provide specific goals going forward.


BELIEVABILITY

I would have loved to know more about your specific goals for next year. For example, what does starting your days and nights in prayer look like for you? How do you intend to praise and worship? Do you have any specific reading/studying goals for reading and meditating in His word? Without specific, measurable goals it can be difficult to really measure the success you've had over the course of the year and I can't help but think that some more specific definition to your goals would help keep you motivated and able to track your progress throughout the year.


FEASIBILITY

Without knowing specific details about your goal, it's difficult to determine the feasibility of what you're trying to accomplish. If, for example, your goal for speaking His word is to present it in a specific circumstance (like around those who aren't familiar with it), that could be a perfectly attainable goal. If your goal for speaking His word is to become a pastor or an active leader in your church, that might take a little more time depending on all the factors. With a little more detail about how you plan on achieving each of your goals, I think you'll be able to better share with your reader and help them become even more engaged in your efforts to spent 2014 building an even closer relationship with Him. *Smile*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that jumped out at me. Nice work! *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
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Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
671
671
Review of Dear Me:  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Author Hallam Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

Congratulations on quitting smoking and drinking diet drinks! Those are no small accomplishments and I think it's great that they're creating a frame of reference for your 2014 goals.


BELIEVABILITY

I liked the way you divided your letter up into categories to deal with different goals for the new year. I think the conversational tone and the backstory help create a motivating letter that you'll be able to look at throughout the year and from which you can draw inspiration.


FEASIBILITY

Overall, your goals seemed realistic and feasible.


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
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Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
672
672
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi ♥HOOves♥ Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I loved the fact that you included a good mix of goals including everything from overall improvement (not being afraid of change) all the way to the minor things that you want to change (forgiving DirecTV and controlling yourself while watching Downton Abbey *Laugh*).


BELIEVABILITY

I think the strongest element of this "Dear Me" letter is the humor with which you approach your resolutions.


FEASIBILITY

Each of your resolutions seemed feasible and able to be accomplished... at least to an outside objective observer. I'm not sure quite how attached you are to Anna on Downton Abbey or just how upset you are at DirecTV about The Weather Channel, but I've got faith that you can reach these goals. *Bigsmile*


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammar errors that I could find.


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
673
673
Review of Dear Me...  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Ellie Brooks Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I think you selected a great set of goals for 2014. I particularly like the one about returning the favor when someone sends you a review and making other people feel special and important. A lot of people tend to focus on the writing goals when they do their "Dear Me" entries and I love the fact that you expanded into other goals for yourself as well. *Smile*


BELIEVABILITY

I would have liked to have heard a little more about "biomythography" and what it involves; I think your readers might be a little more engaged with that particular goal if they were more familiar with the term.


FEASIBILITY

Overall, your goals seemed feasible and realistic. Nice job!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
674
674
Review of Dear Me - 2014  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I enjoyed reading your goals in this "Dear Me" letter. I thought the organization of this piece (and the convenient color-coding!) made it really fun to follow along with and learn about what you're trying to accomplish in the coming year.


BELIEVABILITY

I think you included a good amount of detail and background about each of your goals so the audience had no trouble following along and understanding why you chose these particular goals. *Thumbsup*


FEASIBILITY

Overall, I think your goals are entirely possible given proper motivation... make sure you revisit this letter often and find inspiration in it! Best of luck with your efforts this year!


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling/grammatical errors jumped out at me. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
675
675
Review of Dear Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)

*Shield1* Judge's Review *Shield1*


Hi Anistasya Author Icon -

I had a chance to read your item today as a judge for the "Dear Me: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window., and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that these comments are only the opinion of one person.

CREATIVITY

I thought you did a really great job establishing the events that have led you to this point in your life, but I didn't see much in there about goals for 2014. I love the enthusiasm for this being the year that everything changes, but in what way are you hoping it will change? Do you want to write more, and if so, what kinds of writing? Do you want to write more frequently? If so, how often? I think this is the start of a great piece, but at the moment, unfortunately, it's missing the defined goals for this year.


BELIEVABILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.


FEASIBILITY

There were no specific goals to comment upon.


SPELLING/GRAMMAR

No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material; keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


Jeff
Logo for Senior Moderators - small

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" Open in new Window.
"The Dark Society" Open in new Window.
"Blogocentric Formulations" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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