*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jeff/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26
Review Requests: OFF
4,153 Public Reviews Given
4,282 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 22 23 24 25 -26- 27 28 29 30 31 ... Next
626
626
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jeff and I'll be your judge for the 10/18/10 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

I thought you did a good job with the characters and the way you set the narrative up for the inevitable finale. Good use of detail, and an excellent take on the prompt. Nice job!

Thank you for submitting your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*


- Jeff
627
627
Review of Keys  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jeff and I'll be your judge for the 10/18/10 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Good use of the prompt, compelling characters, and a flowing, effective narrative. All in all, a solid effort. *Smile*

Thank you for submitting your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*


- Jeff
628
628
Review of Sold!  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, my name is Jeff and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Great story! Excellent tone, effective narrative, engaging character... and a clever twist at the end. Very well done... congratulations on being the winner of the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

- Jeff
629
629
Review of Goth Wedding  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Jeff and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

*Laugh* Your ending was brilliant! I thought you came up with a unique take on the prompt, and you told an effective, engaging story in only 297 words. Nicely done!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

- Jeff
630
630
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Great story. I loved the characters, and the setting was unique. Overall, a well written and enjoyable story. Nice job! *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
631
631
Review of The Stuffed Fox  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed your take on the prompt. I thought it was clever, engaging and exciting. Very well done... and congratulations on winning the 10/16 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review. *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
632
632
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought the ending was a great twist, and completely believable. Excellent work... and congratulations on winning the 10/15 round of the DFFC! Your winning GPs are enclosed with this review. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
633
633
Review of Sarah Collins  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Good characters, engaging story... all in all, I thought this was a fun read and an interesting piece. You did an excellent job with the dialogue, and moving the plot along with it. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
634
634
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF is 35 on June 3 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Great, original concept.

*Checkb* Good use of three separate speaking parts in such a short span of time.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* The dialogue was a little stiff. "Daddy" - in particular - when he says, "Right. Now where was I?" feels a little unnatural. I know this is just a short dialogue piece, but in the entire exchange, this is the only line where he's speaking to himself... and it's a very drawn-out process, with four total components (two back-and-forth). I would recommend trimming that down so it doesn't feel so out of place. Perhaps, "Okay. Now hand over the money or I'll--"

*Xb* There needs to be a bigger build between when the officer shows up and makes the "take your son to work day" joke. Jokes work best when you build to a payoff, so a brief exchange with the father (or perhaps restructuring the dialogue so that the kid isn't seen until after the cop is on-scene) would help to payoff the line (which is very good) a little more effectively.

*Xb* The ending was a bit unrealistic. Granted, this is all fiction (where a cop takes his son out on patrol, and a bank robber takes his son to rob a bank), but the good guy and bad guy agreeing to take their kids out to ice cream together and leaving it at that seemed a little unrealistic. Perhaps the cop says something like, "Sounds like a good idea to me. We've got mint chip down at the station." Or, "Sounds like a good idea to me. Just put the gun down and come on out here and we'll talk about it." I felt like the ending just needed something from the cop to make this scene ring a little more realistic.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a great job with this brief dialogue exchange. While there are some aspects to work on, the hardest thing with writing dialogue is to make it realistic and memorable. For the most part, the words themselves felt realistic, and you definitely created a memorable scene for your characters. Nicely done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
635
635
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi Madeleine Eblouie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Well-written and engaging.

*Checkb* Good use of both mystery and fantasy genre elements.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* The first wish was a little weak.

*Xb* Starting the story at the end of her "ten years, ten wishes" narrative raises questions, upon finishing the story, about what those ten wishes over ten years were.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and had good characterization. I liked the structure, although I felt that the structure contributed in large part to what I thought was the story's weakest part, which were the wishes. The toughest part about "wish" stories is that you have to manage the reader's expectations. Wishes are one of those things where, if they're not really spectacular, the reader could potentially be turned off and think, "I would have wished for something better than that!"

In this case, I think the first wish (for a clean, pretty dress) was a little weak. Given that she could wish for anything in the world, a clean, pretty dress seemed a little... underwhelming. Similarly, since the beginning of the story is ten years later (presumably after the ten wishes have all been used up), I was - upon finishing the story and learning of the wishes she had been granted - wondering what those wishes had been and, although Marianne was happy at that point, couldn't figure out how her life had dramatically improved... as I suspect it should if someone was given the fantastical opportunity to have ten of their wishes granted.

All that said, however, it was an enjoyable story that had vibrant character and a great sense of style to the writing. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
636
636
Review of Checkmate  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi CB Lingo -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Great twist at the end; the story was reminiscent (in a good way) of Lawrence Block's short stories, which always throw the reader for a loop at the end. *Smile*

*Checkb* Good dialogue between Richard and Walter.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* Repeated typo: "jewelery" should be "jewelry"

*Xb* The fact that Richard downed the poison so readily somewhat gave away the ending. In order to keep the audience fooled for a little longer, I would try to adjust the narrative so perhaps he drinks the wine and then the talk of poisoning is discussed... or so that he has less of an option to drink it. As is, it feels a bit like he drank the poison on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind (which is exactly what ends up happening).


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed this story. You had a great twist at the end, intriguing characters, and a minimal, but effective setup for their conversation. All in all, a well-told, enjoyable story. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
637
637
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi Richard de Young -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Intriguing concept.

*Checkb* Well thought-out synopsis.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* More detail about Kasandra's character and her arc.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I know this is still in the planning/outlining stages of the play, but I think you're on the right track. You've got a clear concept for the work, and it seems to lend itself well to the stage. I think that with some additional outlining and focusing on Kasandra's character and the journey she takes throughout the play, this could be a really compelling piece. You're off to a good start. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
638
638
Review of Darkness  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Matt Prosser -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Intriguing concept.

*Checkb* Great imagery.

*Checkb* Effective and evocative.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* "All the nerve endings of your body begin to burn with passion..."

*Xb* The item is listed as "poetry," but reads more like prose.

*Xb* I was hoping for a little more explanation of why a piece about romance is titled "Darkness."

*Xb* It sounded like the emotions and energy you were describing was more like lust or physical attraction, rather than the concept of romance.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item. I think it's interesting that your thoughts about romance are encapsulated in a piece titled and beginning with the concept of darkness, but I think you did a great job of capturing just what the physical sensations of romance entail. One might make the argument that what you're describing is more physical attraction or lust rather than romance... but I like the approach you took, and certainly agree with the sentiment that "existing in the moment is what it's all about." Nice job. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
639
639
Review of Apathy  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hi romance_junkie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Original concept.

*Checkb* Good use of description.

*Checkb* Effective characterization.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* I was hoping for a little more explanation of why she would take on this kind of a client... and a little more reasoning behind why she decides (or is obligated to) continue providing the best possible defense for someone who isn't interested in helping themselves.

*Xb* More details of the crime would help set the tone and really cement the antagonist in the readers' minds.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an effective story. It was well written, had a good tone/atmosphere to it, and you introduced your readers to two characters that felt realistic and complex. It was a very entertaining, satisfying read. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
640
640
Review of The Climb  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi piewhackett1 -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Great imagery.

*Checkb* Good structure.

*Checkb* Well written.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* Nothing comes to mind.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a really touching, emotional piece of writing. The structure was great and the writing had really brilliant imagery. All in all, it was an excellent poem. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
641
641
Review of Dark Seasons  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Hi It's too hot already! -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Star* Great imagery.

*Star* Good structure.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Halfstar* Nope, it's fine the way it is. *Wink*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. I thought it was visual, engaging, and you really did a great job creating a vivid picture in your reader's mind. Excellent work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
642
642
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Star* Intriguing concept.

*Star* Compelling characters.

*Star* Entertaining story.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Halfstar* Quite a few typos and grammatical errors.

*Halfstar* The dialogue in the story felt a little verbose and repetitive.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought it was interesting, engaging, and a fun read. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
643
643
Review of The Next Victim  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi Joy -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Star* Great characterization.

*Star* Excellent mystery elements.

*Star* Entertaining storyline.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Halfstar* Absolutely nothing.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I loved this story. It was engaging, interesting, and kept my interest from beginning to end. I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I loved this story just the way it is. *Smile* It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Great work!


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
644
644
Review of The Shore  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi Callie Leonore -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

- Elegant prose

- Engaging main character

- Good use of description


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

- There were a few too many rhetorical questions. After a few paragraphs, they it felt like they were starting to detract from the narrative.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written, interesting, and entertaining. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. Good work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
645
645
Review of Heaven and ERth  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hi pitbull -

The following is my official review as a judge for the Beyond The Water's Edge Contest, and I have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Thumbsup* Good use of dialogue

*Thumbsup* Good use of the prompt


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Thumbsup* With a word count limit of 2,000 words, I was hoping to see a little more detail, description and story development.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a good job with the characters, the prompt, and the storyline overall. While I was hoping for a little more story, what was on the page worked. Nicely done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

SoCalScribe Talent Pond Judge Sig
646
646
Review of To Silence a Love  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi Fairport -

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and while my decision for the contest judging is final, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Thumbsup* Good concept

*Thumbsup* Interesting characters

*Thumbsup* Compelling storyline


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Thumbsdown* The section breaks made the story feel a tad disjointed.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and effective. A solid entry for the Sinister Stories contest. Nice work! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 
647
647
Review of Your Poem  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi Erika -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Star* Wonderfully evocative

*Star* Forceful, effective tone


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Halfstar* Nothing


OVERALL IMPRESSION

This was a really powerful piece of writing. It was emotional, engaging, and really compelling. The imagery in your first and third paragraphs were a stark contrast to the simplicity and straightforward effectiveness of the other three paragraphs, and that contrast, for me, is what made this such an exceptional piece. Well done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1528250 Unavailable **
648
648
Review of Accused  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi Write-fully Loti -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Star* Great imagery

*Star* Good, effective dialogue


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Halfstar* Nothing comes to mind


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was a really well-written, engaging piece of writing. Your character development was excellent, the writing itself was elegant, and the story was intriguing. All in all, a very satisfying, enjoyable read. Nicely done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1528250 Unavailable **
649
649
Review of The Veil  
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Nikola~Living the Dog Mom Life -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I came across this item tonight through Random Read, and I'm glad I did! I thought you did a great job with the imagery and the description in this poem... it was very clear what was happening in the narrative, and the story was told with elegance and sophistication. I really enjoyed this item, and I think it's safe to say that I'll be making future trips back to your port to check out more of your poetry.

I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but I honestly could find nothing in need of improvement to comment upon. Perfect just the way it is. *Bigsmile*

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
650
650
Review of Japanese etheree  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi FrisoD -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

As someone who has yet to visit Japan (and really wants to), I thought this was an interesting and fun piece. The structure of the poem, including the visual element of centering it on the page (or screen, in this case) was effective and pleasing to the eye. Other than capitalizing "Buddhists" (and pluralizing it), and the lack of end-of-sentence punctuation (which made the whole poem feel a bit like a run-on sentence) I didn't catch any technical errors.

You did a really good job of capturing many of the elements to both modern and traditional Japan... I suppose the true testament to a piece of travel writing is whether you're able to convince your audience that the experience was valuable... and I certainly want to go more than ever now! *Bigsmile* Nice work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e
Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1,179 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 48 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jeff/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26