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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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601
601
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Glad to see another Twilight fan! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat image! I think it depicts the sort of love triangle that is going on between the three of them, but by having Edward at the front, makes it clear that he is going to be on the one for Bella.

You use a really great picture of him to do this, it's so inviting! And then Jacob is portrayed in his wolf form, which is great! Thanks for sharing this!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
602
602
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Princess Megan Rose, I wanted to come and check out some of your images *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really nice image and definately sits well with the whole gothic vampire scenario! I love the castle in the background and the deep night sky. The two vampires are beautiful people and they make a fantastic couple!

Thanks for sharing this with us *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
603
603
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Princess Megan Rose! I'm here with a review for you as part of the Dozen Delights package *Smile* I chose this because I know I entered the contest and I wanted to come and find out what your perfect birthday party would be!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is such a sweet idea! You've clearly put a lot of thought into this. Your perfect birthday party sounds perfect for you; you've considered all aspects of things normally at a party, plus many more. You've put a lot of thought into the people you would invite, and made me think maybe I would invite some of those too! I love how your passion shows through in this piece, how much you love to write, how much you love certain series of things and hold them dear to your heart!

Thank you for sharing this with us and providing an immense amount of inspiration for planning the next birthday party!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
604
604
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with a review in return for the review you did for me! I chose this piece because it made sense to start at the beginning *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Layla and Kai, two young people who are a couple. It becomes clear that Kai is a ninja and Layla is not (at least, I didn't get the impression she was).

I have to be honest and say that while you seem to have an interesting concept, the chapter feels anticlimatic. Nothing really seems to happen. Layla tends to his wound and they go for a day out to climb the tree. I wanted to find something to keep me hooked, in anticipation for the next chapter, but I didn't feel like I found it.

*People*Characters: The main characters are Layla and Kai but apart from knowing he is a ninja and she missed him, we don't really know anything else about them. Perhaps it could use some character development, let the reader know of their motivations.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this piece is set. I would want to say an alternate reality or at some different time. Perhaps it would be a good idea to try and work that into this chapter.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The wind whipped her long, black hair in her face as she sat staring out to sea
The wind whipped her long, black hair in her face as she stared out to sea

I think deleting the word 'sat' makes it a stronger sentence.

*BulletB*Slowly, She grabbed his left wrist
Slowly, she grabbed his left wrist

*BulletR*It only had three rooms her bedroom, her parents’ room, and their dining/kitchen/living room.
It only had three rooms: her bedroom, her parents’ room, and their dining/kitchen/living room.

I think a colon would work well here because you're making a list of rooms.

*BulletV*“Sit on the chair over there” Layla told him calmly,
“Sit on the chair over there,” Layla told him calmly,

Speech should always end with punctuation.

*Bullet*A mistake that shouldn’t of happened but did anyway.
A mistake that shouldn’t have happened but did anyway.

*BulletG*Kai watched a Layla put the fire and the candles out in her room
Kai watched as Layla put the fire and the candles out in her room

*BulletB*“I do a lot of tree climbing while your away.” Layla giggled.
“I do a lot of tree climbing while you're away.” Layla giggled.

This should be 'you're' as it means you are.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
605
605
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Storytellers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I saw that this is going to be the featured Spotlight Chat Review Piece! I don't think I can make it to the chat but thought I would send a review anyway *Smile* The title is certainly very intriguing, making me want to know what exactly it means!

*Pencil*Storyline: What a creepy little tale. Pygmalion (for I assume this is his name) created Galatea, a statue whom he then fell in love with. Taking pity on him for loving a statue, Venus awoke Galatea so they could remain together and in love for all eternity. Only Pygmalion didn't think about the consequences or how it would feel for her...

I found this was a really original piece and I certainly don't think I've ever read something like this before. It did ring true of the style of a myth so well done for that!

*People*Characters: I assume Pygmalion is the protagonist, the one who creates the statue. His name isn't actually mentioned in this piece. He strikes me as somebody who, although sweet in nature, is a little bit obsessive. That's never good for a relationship.

Galatea is not a happy woman like she used to be. She has come to realise that her perfection is her flaw because is encourages the obsession that she cannot break free of. She is unhappy yet he does not see and she can only hope to become free.

*Home*Setting: This piece was set back in the days of Greek Mythology and I think the tale rings true for a myth.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: The tone of this piece made it seem indeed like an old fable.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue added to the piece and was authentic to the time it was written.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*She stepped through the many scattered rose petals and made her to their bedroom.
She stepped through the many scattered rose petals and made her way to their bedroom.

*BulletB*She pulled him along by the hand through the thick foliage until the came to an old stone pedestal,
She pulled him along by the hand through the thick foliage until they came to an old stone pedestal,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Storytellers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
606
606
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read for a while until I could find time to read it! What attracted me was the steampunk theme of the piece, its a new genre to me and I'm trying to pick it up, maybe!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our protagonist and Aralee who have a steamy affair n the Clock shop where they both work.

While it's an interesting idea, I felt like I didn't really feel their arousal. The way you write it tells the reader what happens rather than helping them experience the emotions and feelings of the characters. It also gets a little confusing in places as it switches from present to past tense.

*People*Characters: The protagonist and Aralee are the main characters. I didn't feel like they were overly developed but I think for such a short quickie that's okay *Wink*

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is the Victorian era in a steampunk scenario.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: As I mentioned earlier, I didn't feel their passion the way I hoped it would come across.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*It wasn't anger; It was carnal lustful passion.
It wasn't anger; it was carnal lustful passion.

*BulletB*Our young bodies were charged, and our bodies let the intense passion burst out.
Our young bodies were charged, and the intense passion burst out.

I think having 'bodies' twice in one sentence is a little repetitive.

*BulletR*I thrust and a single wave of pleasure is felt throughout her body, twice more and I see her begin to bite her lip.
I thrust and and I see her begin to bite her lip.

This sentence didn't sit right for me; it's told from his point of view so we, as a reader, wouldn't know what she felt.

*BulletV*Looking back to her face I see look that clearly sends me the message that she was ready once again.
Looking back to her face I see look that clearly sends me the message that she is ready once again.

This piece is written in the present tense but this puts it into the past.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
607
607
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this saved in my list of items to read until I had a chance to come and read it. The social media aspect of the piece is what interested me and made me want to read it as I think it's something that often plays too big a part in today's society.

*Pencil*Storyline: Liz reads on a Facebook status that her partner's nephew has been killed in a house fire. Both distraught, they begin researching only to find it wasn't real. Confused, Liz searches again and finds the status and then... she wakes up! And then, the phone call comes...

The 'I woke up and it was all a dream' scenario. Hehe. It's been done a lot but it's been a while since I've seen it done so it was a good read. However, I'm not sure whether it was a premonition.

Your piece offers a good commentary on social media and how things can be portrayed or misinterpreted.

*People*Characters: Liz and Dave are the main characters in this piece. We don't really get to find out what sort of people they are, other than the backstory given, the story is plot driven.

*Home*Setting: The setting takes place in Liz and Dave's home but based in the virtual world.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“I’m on it. Let’s see it’s 7 AM here so it would be about 4 PM there” he said
“I’m on it. Let’s see it’s 7 AM here so it would be about 4 PM there,” he said

*BulletB*-I’ll Google it”
-I’ll Google it.”

*BulletR*“I don’t know Mat” Dave said into the receiver.
“I don’t know Mat,” Dave said into the receiver.

I would just say to make sure you have punctuation to end all speech as I noticed in a few places there were none.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
608
608
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read until I got the time to come and read it! I think what interested me was the social media aspect of it, something that is a constant in our lives today (whether we want it or not).

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really well written piece for being so short. We see a stereotypical Western duel type scene and watch it unfold as they square up and one survives while the other doesn't.

I didn't see this contest but I was just wondering how it worked. Twitter is 140 characters right? So you had to write this in 140 words?

*People*Characters: We don't really get a grasp of the characters in this piece.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is a Western town where a traditional duel is taking place.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think you set the atmosphere in this piece so well. You use a variety of description and views of the senses that the reader knows exactly what is going on.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
609
609
Review of Map of My Port  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

This Map of your Port is definately a very good idea. It lets people who are browsing through your port know where they are and find things easily. I think that's positive as often I find myself wandering in search of fiction and all I can find it poetry!

The only thing I would suggest is having an update session as several of the links lead to Invalid Item. Apart from that, a great idea!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
610
610
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return a review you did for me! I had a browse through the map of your port and this title immediately caught my eye, so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: What an interesting and original piece. This tells of a futuristic world where our soldiers and the civilians have their memories erased after witnessing something traumatic, so they do not feel responsible for anything they have done and are not accountable.

*People*Characters: Our protagonist sits in the Tavern recording her memory before it will be erased. I think this is something a lot of people might need to do to know that even though they have no memory, they have had a life.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is futuristic though we don't know where. I think that's fine for a short piece though.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*They ripped my cloths off and took me.
They ripped my clothes off and took me.

*BulletB*I realize that they did no more to me then our own soldiers
I realize that they did no more to me than our own soldiers



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
611
611
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and offer you a review in return for the one you did for me. I chose this one because I tend to read fiction and the title and description drew me in, had me wondering what it could all mean.

*Pencil*Storyline: While I can understand what you're doing here, telling a story about Lisa and Ben, once who were lovers, now enemies, the flow of the story confused me. I think the way they speak with each other coupled with not really knowing who is saying what, doesn't help. I also found that there wasn't a real explanation for the reason they weren't talking.

*People*Characters: Lisa and Ben are the main characters in this piece. I find that I know they have a long history but now are natural enemies. Lisa is the cop and Ben, why is he in trouble? Is it because of the drugs?

*Home*Setting: You set the scene well with the description you use.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I mentioned the dialogue above but I would also just say sometimes it doesn't flow very naturally. Try reading it aloud and see how it sounds.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"So Lisa, What is it that you've got to say?",
"So Lisa, what is it that you've got to say?"

The 'w' in what doesn't need to be a capital as it's still in the same sentence. Also, you don't need the comma after the speech marks because you end the speech inside the speech marks with a question mark.

*BulletB*"No!! I don't understand Ben!!!", shrieked the feminine roar.
"No! I don't understand Ben!" shrieked the feminine voice.

You only need one ending punctuation mark at each sentence. Also, the word roar for me felt a little bit uncomfortable.

*BulletR*What do we expect from each other is quite clear.
What we expect from each other is quite clear.

*BulletV*She pulled herself out of his grips
She pulled herself out of his grip



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
612
612
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with a review of your piece for the Contest of Firsts!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really nice piece. You tell the reader of your joy on receiving your first bike. We go the journey with you, experience the toil and hard work it takes to restore the bike with your dad. What nostalgia *Smile*

The descriptions you use bring it to life and help the reader experience it with you which is great! Thank you for sharing this with us!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
613
613
Review of Shiny Blue Bike  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Pat I'm here with a review of this piece for a Contest of Firsts!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really nicely written piece that takes the reader through your memory of your first bike. You tell it right from the beginning from the thought of having it, to saving for it, to getting it on Christmas day and the memories that brings! It showed me a part of your past that you clearly cherish and I thank you for sharing this with us *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
614
614
Review of Awardicon Envy  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm with a review in return for the one you did for me! I think I chose this one because of the writing.com reference, it made me ---> *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't read very much poetry so please bear with me! This was a really well written piece that made me grin a lot! Your stanzas flow nicely and fit together and the rhymes all feel natural. I feel your envy alright! The emotions come through strong in this piece.

Well done on a well written piece!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*would not serve as toliet paper.
would not serve as toilet paper.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
615
615
for entry "Me and Jasper" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Dave, I'm here with a review of this piece that you wrote for the Writers Garden Contest *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: What an interesting story! We hear it from the protagonists point of view and learn about his friend Jasper Riley, the guy who was a bit wimpy when they hung out as kids together. Turns out though, our protagonist gets pulled into court for a robbery and when he is brought in front of the judge, who should it be but Judge Riley! What an interesting twist that I didn't see coming *Smile*

*People*Characters: We don't have a name for the main character and that is the only thing I would suggest. Other than that, I think you've create a very believable and memorable character here. Even in the way he speaks his personality comes across!




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
616
616
Review of From The Cats  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with a little review for your collection of c-notes!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really sweet collection all touching the heart. You have a lot of really cute cats (I aspire one day to have so many!) and the way you have photographed them is really original. You also use really good captains with them as well which made me giggle, I hope I can certainly use some of these soon! *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
617
617
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I came across this piece in the sponsored items of the horror section. The title drew me in because it suggested to me the simplicity of making a vampire and I like that!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Lana and Evan, who stop by in the wrong bar and are harrassed by a group of bikers. In a scary situation, Evan tries to toughen up and threatens them but to no avail. It ends up being Lana who saves the day and kills the vampires who were after them through a secret talent she has...

*People*Characters: Evan, I think, is a bit older than Lana and really likes her. He wants to impress his date and stands up to the bikers, something I get the impression he would not normally do. He is a confident person but not stupid though he appears to be a little reckless while trying to impress.

I found Lana to be a really interesting character. On the outside, she appears to be a young, weak woman. Someone who could not protect herself. But on the inside, she is a powerful witch, one who will do anything to save herself and her friends. I like the juxtaposition between her two different sides.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is a biker bar they probably shouldn't have been in and knowing this it immediately began to set the scene so well done for that.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece has quite a dark atmosphere but it lightens towards the end and that works for me!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“No, you were a perfect gentleman,” Svetlana grabbed his hand
“No, you were a perfect gentleman.” Svetlana grabbed his hand

This is an action tag so I would suggest a full stop instead of a comma.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
618
618
Review of The Labourer  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something horrifying to read when I spotted this piece. I think miners can be pretty creepy fellows indeed, have you ever played Alan Wake? Eep! My first thought about this, initially without having read it, is that the structure looks more like poetry yet it is listed as fiction. Maybe just something to think about and consider which you were aiming for.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but I think this piece is really well written and had me hooked from beginning to end! I think you open it well, setting the scene with the miner, telling the reader who he is and what he does. The poem moves on to explain his life, his motivations, his toils. I really feel like I get a sense of this character, strong and hard working and dedicated. He is no stranger to pain or hard work and does not shy away from it like many others would. I really like this man.

The ending is great too, it just really emphasises the way that everything he has done or earned, he has done for himself. Nobody is there to dig his grave but he digs it himself, without complaint as all he wants to do is rest.

The description in this piece is great, it really brings the character to life and sets the scene and dark tone of the piece.

The style of the poem works to its advantage too, free and flowing, you have been able to get everything down there in one go which has helped it develop well.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
619
619
Review of PINK?!?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: A strange storm in the middle of an intense game such a poker, I'm in! Couldn't resist this piece *Smile* The opening line of this piece is great, it sets the tone of the piece and begins to give the reader a hint of character and setting.

*Pencil*Storyline: What a creepy little story about pink creatures that come to devour amidst a storm that shouldn't be there. Very original! Adam, it being his house, has to go and investigate when he sees something running across his lawn. The other three simply stand and watch, that is until the thuds and the blood...

*People*Characters: Adam is the main character. He organises the poker game and invites his friends around for a guys night in. When things start to get weird, he's the one who goes to investigate and it's without hesitation which either shows how brave or how stupid he is! I would like to think he's protecting his home, his wife.

His other friends, Mike, Rick and Gary, are a little less developed as characters but I think that's fine in such a short story. They wait inside, flocking like sheep, while they wait for Adam to get back. This to me suggested Adam is the leader of the pack and they're used to following him and with him gone, there's nobody left to follow.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is Adam's garage and I think you set the scene well, opening the story nicely and continuing down that vein, giving away snippets of detail.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is a dark piece and let me tell you, I didn't forsee the terrible hairless pink monsters so that was a nice touch!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
620
620
Review of Shadow Detective  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here on a special favour to browse through your port *Wink* I came across this and couldn't help but open it!

*Pencil*Storyline: What an intense and powerful story! It tells of a woman who is plagued by night terror, someone who stands in her room while she sleeps, watching her. At first, she is too scared to venture and explore but soon, when the exhaustion becomes too much, she knows she needs to do something and finally goes to investigate!

*People*Characters:The main character is a young woman who though plagued by terror, still continues on with her day job. What a strong woman, I know I would have given up long before she did! You portray her really well and I see her coming out of the terror and into the curiosity as she plays the events in her mind.

*Home*Setting: This story takes place in her home and it is portrayed well with vivid description to let us see it as she does.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a very dark and intense atmosphere in this piece the whole way through, I literally found my eyes rushing to the next sentence. Well done!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments... Well done on an incredibly intense piece!!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
621
621
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read when I came across this piece. It was the title that drew me in, I found myself wanting to know more!

*Pencil*Storyline: When I read this I at first thought it was an abstract piece of prose, the first part of it seems quite passive but that's not to say it's not good! I think it worked really well and got inside the mind of someone to explain their innermost thoughts. Though I have to say, I'm not sure whose thoughts and feelings we were seeing here. It might be a good idea to make that a little clearer to the reader.

The second paragraph goes on to Nataz who is in the middle of a fight. With who? We don't know. Why? We don't know that either! I think that is okay too, however, as it leaves me questioning and wanting more (and I noticed there are two others parts to this) perhaps all will be explained later on. I think this piece works well as a prologue piece.

*People*Characters: Nataz is someone we meet in this section. However, so far I have to say I don't know a lot about her. Perhaps this will change later on in the chapters but it might be an idea to add some characteristics in here so the reader knows who she is and who they are following to keep their interest.

*Home*Setting: I think this all takes place in Tokyo, Japan as it is mentioned in the second paragraph.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: At the minute I don't want to say anything about the atmosphere as I'm not really sure what it is! Hopefully this will be developed in more chapters *Smile*




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*somethings wrong.
something's wrong.

This should have an apostrophe as it is an abbreviation of two words.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
622
622
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Angus. I'm here to return a review you did for me! I picked this piece simply because it was in your recommended items *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: What a delightfully gory story! We meet Ben and Mindy who are talking one morning after waking up and Ben confides in her about a nightmare he keeps happening about a real event from when he was seven. Mindy is truly shocked when she hears what he has to say and feels awful for him, promising to cheer him up when she gets home. However, instead of Mindy knocking at the door it is the man from his memory... or his imagination!

I really liked that touch, it worked really well and left it ambiguous enough for the reader to be left questioning it. Maybe there is such a man who resides in the imagination who comes out to scare little boys and girls! Grisly *Smirk*

*People*Characters: Mindy and Ben are the main characters in this, with more of a focus on Ben as it is his memory that is haunting. I think he must be a tough guy to have gone through that and come up to a job of a police officer where he must see awful things daily. I think you characterised him well.

My only thought was around the relationship between Ben and Mindy, if they are married and in love, I would have assumed there would be no secrets anyway, especially one as that. Particularly because this sort of incident could have been Ben's motivation for becoming a police officer.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was Ben and Mindy's home but also back in the memory of Corey's room dripping with blood; nicely described!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was certainly a very dark and gory piece, a disturbing read *Smirk*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
623
623
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Prosperous Snow, I wanted to come and return a review you did for me! I chose this piece because of the dark undertones the title and description had as well as the fact that I tend to read more fiction than poetry.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece. We meet Baroness Shanita as she farewells to a funeral party and descends the steps, holding her pregnant belly. She meets her brother-in-law at the foot of the stair who escorts her to her chambers. They have some small talk until he produces the Serpent Medallion and proves that she stole it...

I think the ending left me with a question about what the curse of the Serpent medallion was and I found I longed to know about that but I'm thinking because there is a word count at the bottom, perhaps it was written for a contest.

*People*Characters: Baroness Shanita is the main character in this. She comes across as a lady in command on high at first, someone with high morals. That is, until her brother-in-law lets the reader see what she truly is.

*Home*Setting: You set this piece well, opening with a line that both introduces the character and place.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Thank you, Commander,” she smiled,
“Thank you, Commander.” She smiled,

I would probably use a full stop and a capital here as it's an action tag rather than a speech tag.

*BulletB*“Of course,” together they climbed the stairs
“Of course." Together they climbed the stairs

*BulletR*she thought staring at the open case which now sit on her dresser.
she thought staring at the open case which now sat on her dresser.




*NoteR*A few parting comments... An interesting little story, good write!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
624
624
Review of wings of an angel  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to come and return the review you did for me, so here I am! I don't often read poetry so just bear with me! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a neat little poem that speaks of love from one to another. I think you capture the emotion well and present it to the reader in such a way as to emphasise it!

I would say that when I read it I thought it was actually written from the point of view of a human who is in love with an angel (rather than the other way around as the description suggests). Maybe you could re-read it and see what you think?

I would also suggest some punctuation might help this poem's flow and ensure the reader knows when the pauses and stops are.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Oh baby your
Oh baby you're

This should be 'you're' as it is an abbreviation of 'you are'

*BulletB*when your in the room
when you're in the room

This should be 'you're' as it is an abbreviation of 'you are'



*NoteR*A few parting comments... A sweet little poem, well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
625
625
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I was looking for something to review when I came across this piece. I decided to take a look because you're looking for reviews.

I would suggest that you change the title and description to give the reader more of an idea of what's to come, you're more likely to get more reviews that way. In the description tell the reader what's going to happen with a hint and the title of the piece instead of 'Chapter 1'

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this is a good start to a story. I'm not sure if you had finished it because it's quite short but I think short chapters sometimes work really well. We meet Marcus and and Mr. Fink who are talking, having a word with each other about the Boss. The Boss doesn't like that Marcus took on the case of Anne Halloday but it looks like Marcus isn't going to shake it off.

*People*Characters: Marcus seems to be a tough character. He's a private eye (I'm guessing) and has taken a case despite the weakness presented in it. He's the sort of person who really wants to get to the bottom of a mystery and I sure hope he does.

Though we haven't met the Boss yet, he's already characterised as being tough and somebody you don't want to cross. I wonder what will happen to Marcus....

*Home*Setting: I think opening the story the way you did works well as it provides background and context; we also find out that it's taking place in Chicago. So well done for that!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a lot of tension in this scene. Marcus know he's treading on dangerous ground but he's going to do it anyway!

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue is good and feels authentic just make sure the punctuation is there and in the right place *Smile*




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“...I understand you’ve been sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong”
“...I understand you’ve been sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong.”

All speech should end with a punctuation mark.

*BulletB*“Mr. Eli”, Fink said,
“Mr. Eli,” Fink said,

The ending punctuation mark within speech always comes before the ending quotation mark.

*BulletR*There’s fat bastards everywhere in Chicago, so Marcus shrugged off the thought.
There are fat bastards everywhere in Chicago. Marcus shrugged off the thought.

I would suggest that direct thoughts can be put in italics to separate it from the main text.



*NoteR*A few parting comments... Well done on a good start, I hope to see more of this!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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