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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review of this piece from the Jail a Thon where you were locked up!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Hehe! It's been a while since I stopped by to do any madlib so I really enjoyed taking part in this! It was really fun to do and I have to say that it really made me think! But when I got the results it made me giggle *Smile* It was a nice lighthearted piece and something fun for the holiday season!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
502
502
Review of By the Numbers  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review of this piece from the Jail a Thon where you were locked up! I don't normally read poetry but I can't resist a limerick and after all, it's all for the big birthday bash!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really fun little piece in three separate limericks set in stanzas that all go towards the subject of the piece. In the first you allude to '12' the big birthday bash number and then you proceed to confuse me mathematically with the numbers one and two. Honestly, I had to read a few times to make sure I had it right and add it in my head as I went! Maths was never my most brilliant subject! The poem stands well and flows nicely, well done!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
503
503
Review of Dessert  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review of this piece from the Jail a Thon where you were locked up!

*Pencil*Storyline: When I see these 55 word contest entries I always want to read because I think it's an amazing feat! Here you draw the reader into the indulgent temptation of a sundae only to rip it away! Nice twist!

*People*Characters: Elizabeth is the main character in this. We don't really get much development about her but I think that's fine as it's plot driven.

*Home*Setting: This is set, from when I first began reading, I thought in a diner. Obviously this is not the case and again makes the twist you added super fun!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Yummy!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
504
504
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey StoryMaster! I'm here to offer you a review since you're locked up in our Writers Garden Jail! *Smile* I chose this piece because I can already sense it's going to be an informative article!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is certainly a really thought provoking read! I have to say from the excerpts you picked out from the item under scrutiny, I do not agree with it one bit. Your counter arguments are all just and well thought out as well as clear which I think it important! I certainly agree with you that WdC has expanded vastly and for that to happen you need to generate profit. I think the gift point system is a fabulous way to reward other members and take part in the community. It adds to the genuine feel of the community spirit on the site and I love being able to share my gift points around with others.

As for paying for an upgrade, I'm more than happy to do it. I know how much dedication this site takes and that's just from my point of view, it must take ten times more from your point of view and to know that we have such dedicate people running the help is a reassuring thought *Smile*

I hope this makes sense! In summary of what I really want to say is... I agree with all of the points you make here, the gift point system is worthwhile and I'm sure many other people would agree.



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
505
505
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Zelda! I'm stopping by with a little review from the Jail a Thon!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I stopped by your images folders because I saw that you have a load of lovely pictures! I really like this one. The woman in it is so pretty and serene and makes me think of tranquility. It goes so well with the background and the writing over it *Smile* A really nice image that I hope to see more of!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
506
506
Review of Emoticon Fun  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw that somebody else did a review of this piece and I couldn't resist stopping by to read it!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat little poem, light hearted and fun! I really enjoyed reading it and think it's neat that you managed to squeeze all of those little emoticons into it *Smile*

Well done and thanks for making me smile!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
507
507
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've been looking for something scary to read and I couldn't resist when I came across this! The description was brilliant and really drew me in.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Victor Druchenski who is an anthropologist, and one who will do anything to meet his goal of finding the shaman, only when he goes looking, he doesn't find what he thinks...

An interesting start to the story which acts as a sort of prologue to the whole piece. I'm guessing you've got another piece in the works? I think it's interesting that you used episode rather than chapter.

*People*Characters: The main character is beginning to be developed. He's ruthless and will do what he needs to do to get what he wants. I hope his character will be developed a little more in later chapters.

*Home*Setting: Africa, partly.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I have to be honest and say I didn't get an inkling of an atmosphere here yet though I think it will be adventure!




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
508
508
Review of Paralysis  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this piece recently featured in one of the newsletters and I wanted to come and check it out. My initial reaction to the way that it looks is that the bold text is a bit much. I'm not sure why but I would advise taking the bold off, I think it makes it easier on the eye.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a young boy who is attacked by spiders during the night and his worst fears come true! I think this is an interesting piece with a pretty cool ending too. I would say I think the ending was a little rushed though, all of a sudden he was missing a hand and that was that. I wanted to know how he felt about having to have it amputated? After all, it's a pretty big deal!

Also, I wasn't sure why he felt the need to write it in a notebook. I mean, he had people around him to tell and he could still speak. The only way I'd see the notebook being used is if he wasn't able to speak anymore or was alone in the house and paralysed forever.

*People*Characters: I think I wanted to know more about the main character. How old was he? What made hims scared of spiders?

*Home*Setting: His bedroom at night. A creepy place!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think that while there was tension in this piece there could be more. You tell the reader what is happening rather than showing them. Try letting them engage more with the character, have them understand how he feels when this is all happening. What does he see, feel, hear, smell?



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*So it was only last night that it began, I don’t know what caused them to react as they did,

I think personally, I would have this as two separate sentences as they are different subjects.

*BulletG*So it was only last night that it began. I don’t know what caused them to react as they did,

*BulletB*downstairs, I perched myself up onto my elbows whilst lying on my back and saw the outline of a small, mysterious shape on my chest.

Again I would have this as two sentences. You move onto another subject which would usually indicate a period rather than a comma.

*BulletB*downstairs. I perched myself up onto my elbows whilst lying on my back and saw the outline of a small, mysterious shape on my chest.

*BulletR*As I turned the lights on a sudden burst of bright

You just need an extra comma in here.

*BulletR*As I turned the lights on, a sudden burst of bright

*BulletV*I investigated what I had batted away only seconds ago, there was nothing in sight.

I think here a semi colon would be more appropriate than a comma. A semi colon is used when the subjects are closely connected which I believe these are.

*BulletV*I investigated what I had batted away only seconds ago; there was nothing in sight.

*Bullet*even if their harmless the mere sight of them sends shivers down my spine.

This should be 'they're' as it's an abbreviation of 'they are'

*Bullet*even if they're harmless, the mere sight of them sends shivers down my spine.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
509
509
Review of The Station  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've been perusing the horror genre for something to read and when I spotted this I couldn't resist. I happen to think train stations are particularly creepy at night...

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really different and original piece. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't that. I guess I thought he might be dead and not left behind, but it seems he was in fact left behind by the pace of the world.

*People*Characters: I think the fact that he is left behind by a fast moving world is quite telling of his character as well as the world we are living in. I think a lot of people do feel left behind, out of sync, but most manage to stay in touch with reality. It's a little sad he was left so far behind he couldn't move on.

*Home*Setting: A train station. An eerie train station.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Creepy and eerily sad.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
510
510
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read when I came across this piece. I love gaming so I couldn't resist!

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to be honest and say that because of the nature of this piece and the switch between tenses and perspectives, I found it hard to follow and know what was happening all of the way through. However, I do think you have a good idea here and it has a lot of potential if you work on it a little more.

A couple of things about the plot that left me with questions, including why he didn't want old video games to be played? It was sort of explained in the end but not fully.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Somehow, he knew this was coming. The days of becoming a somebody are over. You just need to face the facts that old-style video games are just old school.

Okay in this opening few sentences you switch between past tense and present tense as well as third person and second person. In order to keep the flow of the piece it makes it easier if you stick to one point of view and one tense. I would suggest:

Somehow, he knew it was coming. The days of becoming a somebody were over. He just needed to face the facts that old-style video games were just old school.

*BulletB*Do you think that WE can stop him?!!! (Laughing) There is no way we can stop that punk from taking the world over.

Rather than putting (laughing) here in brackets I would write:

Do you think that WE can stop him?" he laughed. "There is no way we can stop that punk from taking the world over.

*BulletR*took pictures of Simon’s secret hideout and reported to the the main building in Washington D.C.

There's just a repeated word here.

took pictures of Simon’s secret hideout and reported to the main building in Washington D.C.

*BulletV*“video games isn’t mindless.
“video games aren’t mindless.



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I would suggest that all new speech should start on a new paragraph to make it a little easier to read. So where you have:

Charlie negatively answered, “I rather fight aliens than video game characters because aliens are easy to kill, but video game characters are hard to beat up.” “Don’t be like that, Charlie,” Diana added, “we need to do something about this.” “She’s right,” Simon added, “we need to stop all of this madness.” All of them agreed and run off to find the leader.

I would write:

Charlie negatively answered, “I'd rather fight aliens than video game characters because aliens are easy to kill, but video game characters are hard to beat up.”

“Don’t be like that, Charlie,” Diana added, “we need to do something about this.”

“She’s right,” Simon added, “we need to stop all of this madness.” All of them agreed and run off to find the leader.

I would also suggest having spaces between each paragraph to make it a little more accessible to the reader.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
511
511
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something to read and I'll have to admit that you had me at peanut butter! Yum!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't read much poetry but I liked the light hearted nature of this poem. I like the fact that you love peanut butter so much you wanted to write about it! I think you missed out something essential though... do you have crunchy or smooth?!

I think this piece could be added to if you wanted. You could tell the reader how it makes you feel, how it tastes, how it smells *Smile* But overall a good and fun piece!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
512
512
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Stan, I'm here with a little review of this piece. I've had it saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: Larry is sent a bracelet one morning and after putting it on, receives a phone call saying his life is going to change for the worst. He doesn't quite believe it until his secretary dies, and then his family is attacked. And to top it all off, he gets fired from his job. Larry just feels like he can't take anymore and decides to end his life instead...

I have to say that while I think you have a good idea for a story there are still some things that remain unexplained for me. For example, where did the bracelet come from? Was it hexed or something? How did it change his life for the worst? Who killed his wife and kid?

*People*Characters: Larry is the main character in this piece and he is being affected by bad things all around him. However, I don't think we get to know him as a person. We just see his daily motions. How does he feels when his secretary dies? Or when his family is attacked? How does he react physically and emotionally?

*Home*Setting: I think this is a contemporary piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Definitely a dark tale. However, I think it could do with some more descriptions to add to the setting and help the reader see it the way Larry does. That could be anything from how things look to how things smell, taste and feel.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I felt the dialogue was a little stiff. Try reading it out and seeing what you think that might help.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I apologize for my rudeness but you are a person who don't deserve any more.
I apologize for my rudeness but you are a person who doesn't deserve any more.

*BulletB*unless your six feet under.”
unless you're six feet under.”

*BulletR*he said as he took his phone from his pocket and began to dail 9-1-1
he said as he took his phone from his pocket and began to dial 9-1-1



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
513
513
Review of A KISS FROM ALEX  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Butch who, after losing his best friend and hunting buddy, is stuck in a rut. His wife makes a suggestions to him to get out the house, enjoy hunting the way him and Alex used to. Only, when he visits the woods behind the house he finds more than he intends to...

A really well written ghost story. You take the reader through it at a good pace, allowing them to take in the scene, get to know the characters and their motivations and consider what was actually seen.

*People*Characters: Butch is the main character in this piece. He's depressed after losing his best friend and can't seem to work himself up into doing anything. I can hardly blame him, but even so, he listens to his wife and makes an effort to get back to normality.

Anita is his wife. She is warm and encouraging and is supportive of Butch during his hard time. She is loyal and straight thinking.

*Home*Setting:The setting is a house right beside a wood where they used to go hunting.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece had me tingling as I found out what was happening throughout, but it was also a really tender, sad piece as Alex visited Butch for the last time.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece feels real and natural, and it has their accents down really well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
514
514
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Ashely, I've been looking for something to read when I spotted this piece. I found that I was unable to resist the temptation of opening it. It could have something to do with the fact that I agree Facebook is overused and held in high opinion...


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say this was a really witty and informative piece! I really loved reading it and I think a lot of that has to do with the humour you use throughout. Hehe. You make the reader think checking Facebook constantly for 8 hours a day is normal (it probably is for some people) but I think you really drive the message home at the end; that there are so many other things you could be doing then refreshing the same page, hoping for 'likes' and updating every two minutes. I think we all know people like that and from the outside we can see how sad it is! I'd much rather be on WdC *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this piece with us!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The Like button comes equip with it’s own blue thumbs up image,
The Like button comes equipped with it’s own blue thumbs up image,


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
515
515
Review of Doorways  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've been looking for things to read and when I spotted this I couldn't resist opening it. I think the way you have titled this piece and the description you gave intrigues me. I think it tells me about the way you think about death.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a sad and interesting piece. You tell the reader what your views on death is and go on to acknowledge that your best friend passed away when you were ten and how that made you feel. I'm very sorry for your loss, dealing with something like that at such a young age must be difficult and in some ways I think you're right, life can be about making it from one hard part to another. But it's about how you deal with it that counts. I hope you're doing okay/


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As a little girl (about seven years old) I once asked my mom how deep a grave was, I remember the look in her eyes as she stared at me confused before saying, “about as deep as a doorway is high.”

Here I think this could be two sentences. Also there needs to be a capital letter at the beginning of the speech:

As a little girl (about seven years old) I once asked my mom how deep a grave was. I remember the look in her eyes as she stared at me confused before saying, “About as deep as a doorway is high.”

*BulletB*From that day on every time I passed through a doorway
From that day on, every time I passed through a doorway


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Just one big note I think you should change the rating of this piece. You have a curse word and while that is fine you need to increase the rating to an 18 because otherwise it will be seen by young and sensitive eyes.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
516
516
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Charlie, I apologise for the delay in finishing your package for the Tea Garden but here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to say, this confused me a little bit. I sense that there are some religious undertones that I didn't understand. I see that Jon is sitting by a tree, watching a man dressed like a peasant while he begs for forgiveness. For me, there wasn't really a conflict and this struck me as more of a scene than a short story.

*People*Characters: Jon is the main character in this piece. We begin to get a sense of who he is which is good *Smile*

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure when this piece is set though I would like to guess it's at some point in the past?



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*as he felt the large hallow notch

I'm not sure hallow is the right word here.



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
517
517
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of your Fossil Fuel package from the power reviewers!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a boy who finds out the Legend of the Gravekeeper. It is told like a legend which is fun and adds to the mystery.

For me the plot seems to move a little fast. Slow it down, add some tension and some description to really hook the reader.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character and he is telling his story. We don't really get to learn what sort of person he is. I think that's okay since he's telling the story as a moral.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a grave yard. Perhaps a little more description would really help the reader get into the scene.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Hello.my name is

I would suggest having spaces after punctuation marks such as commas and full stops. Also, the next line should begin with a capital letter.

Hello. My name is

*BulletB*When i asked her what happened
When I asked her what happened

*BulletR*{which at the time was a dirt road}

Usually the brackets that should be used are ( )

(which at the time was a dirt road)

*BulletV*Witch hunting was now meerly
Witch hunting was now merely

*Bullet*he burned his victims at the steak
he burned his victims at the stake.

*BulletG*God....this place is truly scary

Bits like this in the text are more direct thoughts than narration. This would usually be put into italics.

God....this place is truly scary


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
518
518
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that somebody else had reviewed this piece and I wanted to stop by and offer a little review too!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say I think this is a really neat idea for an in and out! It allows people to think about the possibilities of what they could have and what they would do if they had that 1,000,000 gift points. It's a lot *Smile* I'm proud to see that most people say they'll share and provide charitable things for groups and other people.

What a great idea for n in and out!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review of No Rest  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I spotted this piece and wanted to come and read it so I stored it in my list of things to read until I had some time *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece. You kept me hooked from the beginning and much of the narrative was about teeth and hats! So my hat's off to you *Smile*

I have to say it gives an interesting taste of what's to come because it leaves the reader wanting more and wanting to find out what happened.

*People*Characters: Grits is a really interesting character. You portray him really well as a man who is a survivor against the odds.

*Home*Setting: This is a sort of post apocalyptic story so it's set in a world that comes later on. We know that there are zombies and decay and I'm hoping to find a lot more about it later on.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Tense and atmospheric.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Give me your fucking hat, for I take it from you,”

I'm wondering if this should be 'or'

“Give me your fucking hat, or I take it from you,”

*BulletB*Befor e you know it we’ll be at the cross roads
Before you know it we’ll be at the cross roads



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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520
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Seeze, I did some review crediting earlier and someone who had reviewed this piece made me want to come and read it, so here I am. So far I like the title, it's quite original.

*Pencil*Storyline: What a nice original idea and with a twist I didn't see coming at all. There's the haunted house, all they need is a ghost to haunt it. A good idea! This is well written and all in dialogue (is it for the contest?)

*People*Characters: We have two main characters here, one who is seeking the haunted house and one that is seeking to find someone to haunt it. We don't get names of the people but I think that works fine, we don't need them in such a piece. If you did, I would say we only really would need the name of the person who wanted the haunted house.

*Home*Setting: A haunted house. You build the scene using an array of the senses.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Definitely very creepy!

*BurstR*Dialogue: Like I said, this whole piece is written in dialogue and I think it works well. I can see what they are doing through their dialogue which is great. I think you've done a really good job of bringing them to life.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I think that’s what smells the worst in here not that spray.”

I think I'd probably put a comma in here:

I think that’s what smells the worst in here, not that spray.”



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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521
Review of Grandpa  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Tru, I was crediting a review that someone else did and the review spoke so highly of the piece that I had to stop by myself and read it! *Smile*

The initial hook is great and made me sit up and go, What?!

*Pencil*Storyline: What a delightfully disgusting story! I really enjoyed reading this and have to say it's like nothing else I've read before on this site! It's a really original piece. Billy goes to visit his dead grandpa in the attack, worried about what to say to him, but knowing that his dead body and the fact that he was s till typing although dead was affecting the whole family.

I felt a bit sad that it was the grandson who had to do it, but I guess he was right and because he wasn't as close he was more able to.

*People*Characters: I have to say I think Billy is one brave lad! He went up there by himself to face his dead grandpa. I particularly liked the lines about him battling love and revulsion; I can imagine that's exactly how it would be.

*Home*Setting: The setting is Billy's home in an old turret on the outside of the house.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think the setting adds to the atmosphere of this piece as well as the decayed nature of his grandpa! Gross!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* “But he smells so bad.” My mother said to my father.

This is a speech tag so I would suggest you need a comma rather than a full stop and then a lower case letter:

“But he smells so bad,” my mother said to my father.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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522
Review of Scare Tactics VI  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've had this in my list of things to read until I had a chance to stop by and read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Ian and Maggie, cursed to be apart. But Maggie who is something other than what she seems, swears she will come back for him. It doesn't happen until many years later when a jar containing a lock of his hair is opened by Tim, and Maggie comes back to rescue Ian.

A great love story that spans generations! I love the supernatural element to it too.

*People*Characters: IAn and Maggie are the main characters in the first part. It becomes clear how much they love each other and I think they're both very strong and likeable characters. I really like how you hint that Maggie is something otherworldly but don't tell the reader what until later on.

Tim is the main character in the present. I found myself wondering how old he was because I couldn't quite place it. He's a good character too and lets them finish their business.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but you've made it clear to the reader so it works well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong sense of love mixed with the supernatural here.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Maybe the coins are replicas,” Tim glanced around the living room

I would use a full stop here as this is an action tag rather than a speech tag.

“Maybe the coins are replicas.” Tim glanced around the living room

*BulletB*“What is it.” Tim held it up and saw
“What is it?” Tim held it up and saw



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
523
523
Review of Red Velvet Box  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Chloe, I'm here with a review of this piece as part of the Power Reviewers Raid! I wanted to return a review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our narrator, (do we find out her name) who is in love with a man. Unfortunately he is in love with her best friend which creates a very awkward love triangle.

I think the lot was original and worked quite well, however, it did leave me with a few questions. For example, I found myself not quite understanding why Katie was thrust out from her town at such a young age? I thought that perhaps she would be given to another woman and brought up as someone else's child. Also, I think the ending of this piece came a little too quickly for me. It seemed to happen all of a sudden and I found myself wanting to know why Katie had chosen to run away and abandon her friend.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this. I would suggest trying to include her name earlier on because for a while I thought she was male! We get a good idea of who she is, what her motivations are and the things she had been through that might bring her together with Katie.

Katie is portrayed in a really nice way. She appears to be quite innocent but very upbeat which I liked. It makes her a really likeble person.

As for Maxwell, I feel we didn't get to know him very well. I found myself wanting to know why he would give the narrator such an impression but then make advances on her best friend.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. I get the feeling it's sort of post-apocalyptic or set in a different time/place. It might be worth trying to make it a little clearer.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*But the thought of him holding her clothes close and inhaling their aroma connected me to him somehow, the closest connection we would ever have.

For me, I would probably get rid of the word 'but' and add a semi colon too.

The thought of him holding her clothes close and inhaling their aroma connected me to him somehow; it was the closest connection we would ever have.

*BulletB*coal mine for the past 14 years.

Usually all numbers in a story up to 100 should be typed out in full.

coal mine for the past fourteen years.

*BulletR*Tonight is a special occasion! I have someone else who wants to see you. He has been coming to see me for a while, and he is very special.

Here I would suggest changing one of the 'special's to something else to stop it being repetitive.

Tonight is a special occasion! I have someone else who wants to see you. He has been coming to see me for a while, and he is a very important man.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
524
524
Review of The Plague  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WdC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Bumblegrum, I've had this saved in my list of things to read for a while until I had time to stop by! Can't wait to delve into the apocalyptic world!

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to say I'm really glad I decided to open up this piece and read! As promised it was a post apocalyptic story of despair and infection, filtered with the hope of the future in the form of an innocent girl who succumbs to the virus herself.

I really liked reading this. You made it your own and unique. The reason for the virus was like something I've never read before so I like that, and while it affects the earth's population, it kills mostly rather than turning them into flesh eating zombies. So for me that's a nice change!

We follow Peter through the wasteland as he carries on his journey to find more people and company, only he's stopped along the way when he meets a young woman he feels he cannot leave.

The ending is an emotional doozie! We have him having to make a choice between his life or her life and, knowing full well she is succumbing to the virus, he chooses himself and kills her, leaving after giving her a decent burial.

*People*Characters: Peter is the main character in this piece. He provides the reader with an interesting narrative voice; it kept me hooked throughout this piece. There was death and destruction in his life but rather than falling to self pity, he looks upon what can be salvaged and aims high. I like that about him.

*Home*Setting: The setting is a post apocalyptic world. I think the opening is a really good example of this; you open the scene well and allow the reader to see the world as it is, as Peter sees it. You entice all of the senses too.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong overtone of despair in this piece, despair about the situation but hope that something good will be in his future.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*What was really scary was a group of people referred tom as the “half-immune”.
What was really scary was a group of people referred to as the “half-immune”.

*BulletB*I knew the answer instinctively; people.

In my opinion, I would switch the semi colon to a colon as generally, an independent clause should follow a semi colon and this isn't one of those!

I knew the answer instinctively: people.

*BulletR*Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but here to I pull myself together.
Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but here to pull myself together.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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525
Review of Girls Night Out  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Diane, I'm here to offer you a review of this piece. The idea that you created it using lots of different book titles intrigued me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really fun little piece that had me smiling all the way through! I think you've done so well to get all those book titles in there, I'd probably really struggle with it. Have you read all those books?

We follow the story of our narrator who is looking for love at Christmas and following the advice of her friends, some single and some not. Hilarity ensues as they end up at a club which pushes them out of their comfort zone. I really liked the scene with the narrator (Diane?) and the man with the 'wocket in his pocket' hehe!

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this piece. She is looking for love at Christmas and feels like she's having a hard time finding anyone worthwhile. It makes me a little sad that this woman was so eager to find love. I know some people need to have someone in their life but I always find that it comes easier when you're not looking for it. But anyway, I hope she found her man in the end, perhaps on the next night out!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but the most memorable is the club where the wild things hang out! I love the descriptions you offer here it really sets the tone.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is light hearted and funny with a undertone of romance too *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Stacy, how did you manage to find such a great guy? I always end up with men who are commitment-phobic or just plain losers." She smiled serenely and responded, "Easy, I just follow the rules of attraction."

I would say here because there are two different people speaking it should be separated onto different paragraphs.

"Stacy, how did you manage to find such a great guy? I always end up with men who are commitment-phobic or just plain losers."

She smiled serenely and responded, "Easy, I just follow the rules of attraction."



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

An "Invalid Item"  Review


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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