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1,003 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review of Fifteen Years  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a beautiful, tender, yet sad story. The sudden twist took me totally by surprise. In fact, I was shocked for a few seconds before I could continue reading. Excellent writing!

Also, excellent job of punctuation and spelling. Just two things that I would question:

But it had been the happiest day of his life. Perhaps, one of the happiest days of his life? I would think his wedding day would have been right up there at the top! *Wink*

manically(?) twiddling
Perhaps not the correct spelling? maniacally?

I absolutely loved this story...the emotional tugs, the unforeseen twist, the memory of the old man's words, Jack's memories and regrets, and his love!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh my goodness, a side of you I never imagined. ~ROFL~ Comical writing despite the e-mails you must be getting. *Wink*

my neighbors’ black cat To me, this reads as more than one neighbor had black cat?

Cats are amusing creatures to watch, despite their inbred natures, and you have portrayed their personalities quite well.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Soul-searching writing for anyone who deems themself too busy to accept a gentle embrace or caress.

Only thing I disagree with is 'woman' in your first line ... this woman has a husband which makes her his wife? I know, I know...a little bit of the sixties revolution settling in. ~LOL~

Seriously, tender, thought-provoking writing that should remind us all to live for the moment!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh my, this brought tears to my eyes. I honestly did not see the ending you chose coming, but left me with a smile on face!

A 5.0 for planting a smile on my face...such a little price to pay! *Wink* Very creative writing with a twist.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent forum! Was interesting to see where some very familiar, and other faintly familiar, faces sit while behind their monitors. Plus lots of other friendly faces I look forward to meeting. *Delight*

Great organization...very easy to cruise through!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a story to be read with kids or just to be enjoyed by whomever! I envision it as a pop-up storybook so that all of Neville Ashton Beauregard Smith's antics will come to life.

Personally, I do think the mesh of colors distracts from the writing, though. I'm sure there's a reason for it, but I would suggest perhaps just emphasizing with color a few lines you may want to have jump out at the reader.

I'm sure this would have been a favorite for my once- upon-a-time munchkins! *Smile*
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
A wondrous writing about the inspirational season of fall. So lighthearted and colorful, it paints a beautiful picture. The ending was very creative as to how the season will change her garb.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A tribute that so many deserve...young or old, living or deceased. A tribute to anyone who is or has served their country and protected our freedoms.

I love the general's reply about being a hero...honoring those that gave everything!

Another riveting writing!
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Review of Yuck! Let It Go!  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~ROFL~ this was great! You told me once your inspiration was derived from many sources and seems I remember reading something along these lines in newspaper. Leave it to you to create a comical writing about it! Loved the part about Leno and Letterman, and will be watching for Cingular, Verizon, and AT&T ads that will soon add credence to your writing.

Great job! Thanks for the laughter!
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Review of October's Lie  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just happened upon this while perusing the contest forum, and had to let you know that I honestly think this is truly one of your BEST short stories that I have read, thus far.

The emotions within this story just simply reached out and grabbed me...made me want to cringe, cry, laugh, rejoice.

I've had the pleasure of r&r'ing several of your writings, but this particular story just stands out. The storyline and the characters are so believable...their emotions became mine.

I loved everything about it!
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Review of Lost Memory  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Alright, move over and make room for me to search that ancient trunk for my lost mind. Second thought, think I'll search for yours! ~LOL~

A humorous look at forgetfulness? Will remind myself next time I enter room knowing I'm searching for something...although that something has escaped the thought process! *Shock*

Adorable writing that perhaps touches too close to home for those of us approaching menopause, reading glasses, and forgetfulness. *Blush* Now, what was I saying? *Bigsmile*

~Hugs~ Viv, and thank you for reassuring me I'm not only one suffering from lost memory.

Very creative writing, very vivid, and very comical to those of us who can appreciate the truth between the lines? Oh alright, the truth within the lines. ~sigh~
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Review of Diwali  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
The words written are beautiful. But, not being familiar with the Hindu holiday of Diwali nor with the Naga Uta writing form, I found myself doing a bit of Yahoo searching to make myself more aware. Oh by the way, I believe the article I found on Yahoo explaining the Naga Uta form was penned by our own Writing.com author, Bianca.

I personally think, if you would briefly explain the significance of the holiday and writing style, it would help to enlighten those, such as myself, to understand the beauty of your writing beyond just reading the words. *Delight*
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Review of Cindy Jo  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A very warm writing. Reminds me of how thankful I should remember to be for what I have, and how in a blink of an eye what I have can be changed so drastically.

Your character, Cindy Jo, relates to people I know fighting all sorts of battles, relentlessly.

A positive writing that touches the heart. The last line sums it up beautifully!
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Review of Old Glory Flies  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pam, this writing sent shivers down my spine...proud shivers, that is! Beautifully written, and last line is riveting and very rememberable. The contrast between the man who has apparently served his country with much sacrifice and pride and the boy who cannot understand the sacrifice and pride involved, until your ending, is gripping.

This writing deserves some attention so am posting on Public Review page to request it. *Smile*
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Review of Worth The Price?  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Exceptional writing that portrays all the ugliness, hurt, and betrayal felt by everyone affected.

Personally, I feel the mother should not have shadowed the young children with her feelings, but then your writing would not have been as effective, and this was not meant to be a study in psychology. I've definately been watching too much Dr. Phil. *Wink*

The seventh storoestanza (?) is very powerfully written. Depicts the lifetime effect of embedded childhood pain on a grown man. Excellent writing, Harry.
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Review of Confused  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, someplaceelse, and a warm welcome to Writing.com.

You certainly possess a talent for sharing your deep feelings and fears through your writing. This was very touching, and your own personal bravery for dealing with and facing your fears shine as your writing progresses.

Since this is constructed as a free verse writing, you could shorten some of your longer thoughts by adding another line to that particular stanza. I also suggest more consistent punctuation.

I realize this was a very difficult time for you and your family and that you wrote this from your heart for your courageous father, so hope you don't mind the suggestions. We are very proud of and thankful for your father, and his committment to protecting not only his own family, but so many others. My thanks and prayers to him and all our unselfish servicemen and women, and to their families!
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Review of Done  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Pondering, as this writing certainly conveys more than just the heat of the day. A very interesting twist. The descriptive words you have used to escalate the 'heat' within the household and between the couple is perfect. This is just my interpretation of this writing. But, personally speaking, anytime you can force your reader to look deeper, you have created a 5.0 writing!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (3.5)
What a delightful story about the antics of childhood curiosity. A very entertaining story about "boys will be boys."

Although cleverly written, it does contain a multitude of errors.

First, unless Pappy is the character's name, I would not capitalize.

We were left to entertain ourselves

spider web

Tommy would say, “oh that’s gross,” and

We had found a nest of

goings were very intriguing.

,and the slow to react “granny I got stung”, crying

without being stung that day.

driveway caught our interest.

Well, that was fun. Now what do we do?

Tommy, the astronaut, be the first to try out my idea , but he

“No, I am not doing it.” I’ll give you a quarter." “No way, I’m scared,”

“I’ll do it and I get the quarter.”

“Okay,” I said

Eddie jumped in. I thought he was brave. “Eddie you are like John Glenn.” He smiled

barrel, dizzy and

regained his composure quickly and reminded me thathe was

Since Eddie proved space travel was indeed safe for mankind, Tommy

that Tommy and Eddie could both get

Mercury mission,

countdown, I launched

we passed the old oak tree, Tommy

, as Eddie could still make it to the

doing great Eddie.” It was

The barrel, I mean the capsule, struck

It was a loud

This noise, plus Tommy's and Eddie’s alternating protests and crying, woke pappy,

heard, “Boy, what are you doing now?”

keep out of his way as he tried

yard, that provided

We're sorry, pappy, we

were sincere;

awesome.

another story

Alright, keeping my fingers crossed I got all the {, :, }'s correct this time!

If you choose to edit this amusing writing, let me know. I would love to r&r it again!

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Review of Help Wanted  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Creative, humorous writing that had me laughing and cringing. This almost convinces me to quit complaining about my job and count my blessings!

It was a little difficult stumbling through with all the direct quotes. I personally think if you would edit to shorten some of the sentences, it might be an easier read. Periods and commas should be placed within the ending quotation marks. Also, most of the question marks and exclamation points refer to the material being quoted, so should also be placed within the ending quotation marks.

Overall, this is a fun-to-read satire of job hunting and corporate America!

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This item number is not valid.
#733943 by Not Available.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Controversial, perhaps...beautifully and tastefully written--no doubt.

No offense intended to anyone, but my personal feeling is that this particular Islamic law is ludicrous. No woman conceives a child by herself (without supreme intervention)...it takes two, baby! Why is the woman punished for an out of wedlock miracle (and, yes, in my mind...every child is a miracle), yet this man remains free to condemn more women to death?

Excellent writing and hope to read more r&r's, even if opposing my thinking!
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Review of Autumn  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.0)
Colorful writing that pulls your reader into the magical feeling of fall.

First suggestion is to use the word "and" in first line rather than ampersand.

Rhyme in last two lines of first stanza just wasn't working, so I took the liberty of offering a couple of quick fixes that perhaps you could edit to your writing style. Tried to stay within your count, but last suggestion does add one syllable to last line.

That fall to the ground from painted trees
They rustle in the branches before they turn brown
Dancing to wind's whistle as they tumble down.

That fall to the ground from painted trees
They rustle in the branches before they turn brown
Dancing to wind's tune as they pirouette through town.

Pumpkins glowing brightly with their smiling masks

Third stanza, first line...autumn is misspelled and change to its rather than it's.

Fourth stanza, third line...change to its rather than it's.

And, lastly, you chose to use very little punctuation but added periods after stanzas three and four. I strongly suggest using adequate punctuation throughout the writing.

Despite my comments and/or suggestions, I really feel you have created a rich writing about a stunning season. Plus, I like your last line!
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
First, my apologies for cluttering up the 'Public Review Page' with a second review of same writing. But, I feel that unless I correct my first error, my reviewee will have a difficult time attempting to trudge through my suggestions! Please bear with me...

This could be a best seller if lengthened and written as a novel! It's a marvelous story full of mystery that conjures so many different emotions. It caused goosebumps, sighs, tears, disgust...a regular ol' rollercoaster ride! A remarkable storyline, not unlike a book one just can't put down.

Unfortunately, I was in a nitpicking kind of mood. . Nearly all the corrections I've suggested are merely because a comma was left out of a direct address. Very few consequential mistakes that affect the flow or feeling of the story. As such, I still have to rate this a "5" for story content and the emotions it stirred while reading.

“It’s a beautiful painting, honey.” direct address needs to be set off with comma

The little girl looks at Julie but does not speak.

“What are you thinking about little girl?”, she whispers delete comma after ending quotation mark

“What are doing out here, Sarah?” Julie asks. direct address

Some markers have inscriptions while

“That’s okay, honey. I can drive down by myself.

“Whatever you want, honey.” Max takes the painting down

Julie goes upstairs to Gram’s bedroom.

The little girl, Sarah, is there again.

“No.” Sarah’s eyes are distant.

“You're welcome.”

Julie had asked her why she was doing that and Gram had told her to keep it safe.

“Well, Ms. Sally, you’re not that old.”

What is bothering you, Julie?”

Your Gram’s momma, Ms. Abby, married a man

“Yes, I know that, Ms. Sally.”

"Why did they change her name?"

tell my pa because he was the sheriff and she pleaded with me not too. She was so scared of him. This reads as if Sarah was afraid of the sherriff rather than Mr. Taylor.

She runs downstairs and opens the door.

“Julie, we are doing the right thing.”

“No, but it will put them to rest, honey.”

“You know something, honey?” Max asks.

Julie turns to look up at him as they walk back into the house.

Oh, I can hardly wait to revisit your port and lose myself within your words. No...wait, don't lock me out! Promise not to nitpick! ~LOL~

Thank you for providing an excellent read on this lazy Sunday afternoon.
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This could be a best seller if lengthened and written as a novel! It's a marvelous story full of mystery that conjures so many different emotions. It caused goosebumps, sighs, tears, disgust...a regular ol' rollercoaster ride! A remarkable storyline, not unlike a book one just can't put down.

Unfortunately, I was in a nitpicking kind of mood. *Wink*. Nearly all the corrections I've suggested are merely because a comma was left out of a direct address. Very few consequential mistakes that affect the flow or feeling of the story. As such, I still have to rate this a "5" for story content and the emotions it stirred while reading.

“It’s a beautiful painting, honey.” direct address needs to be set off with comma

The little girl looks at Julie but does not speak.

“What are you thinking about little girl?”, she whispers delete comma after ending quotation mark

“What are doing out here, Sarah?” Julie asks. direct address

Some markers have inscriptions while

“That’s okay, honey. I can drive down by myself.

“Whatever you want, honey.” Max takes the painting down

Julie goes upstairs to Gram’s bedroom.

The little girl, Sarah, is there again.

“No.” Sarah’s eyes are distant.

“You're(/c} welcome.”

Julie had asked her why she was doing that and Gram had told her to keep it safe.

“Well, Ms. Sally, you’re not that old.”

What is bothering you, Julie?”

Your Gram’s momma, Ms. Abby, married a man

“Yes, I know that, Ms. Sally.”

"Why did they change her name?"

tell my pa because he was the sheriff and she pleaded with me not too. She was so scared of him. This reads as if Sarah was afraid of the sherriff rather than Mr. Taylor.

She runs downstairs and opens the door.

“Julie, we are doing the right thing.”

“No, but it will put them to rest, honey.”

“You know something, honey?” Max asks.

Julie turns to look up at him as they walk back into the house.

Oh, I can hardly wait to revisit your port and lose myself within your words. No...wait, don't lock me out! Promise not to nitpick! ~LOL~

Thank you for providing an excellent read on this lazy Sunday afternoon. *Delight*
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Review of Gallery Season  
Review by Kathleen
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Colorful writing that captures the feelings, sights and excitement of fall. Delightful writing that reminds one of the beauty, chill, and traditions of upcoming change of seasons!

Rhyme is excellent, rhythm is good, spelling is excellent, and ~sigh~ even punctuation usage that allows me to read it as you intended it to be read. *Wink*
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Review by Kathleen
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very insightful help to a budding author not sure of the beginning process of writing a novel. You've shared some very helpful hints for those leaning towards the challenge, while offering hope that the struggle can be achieved. You've been there, rose to the challenge, and are now willing to share your success with the promise that it can happen.

Now, for my humble comments...

publishers typically will request a copy of your files besent to

change your vocabulary (in Word, hit shift F7

Go ahead, make take that first step,

I know...I'm pathetic, have no life, and am brain dead, so I spend my evenings r&r'ing other writings. *Bigsmile* Aw heck, just trying to help. ~geeze~

Seriously, appreciate your efforts to help future novel writers. Exceptional advice on how to get started!
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