What a relaxing and descriptive writing. You've captured feelings of the first chill in the air with all the wondrous changes that accompany it. Your lines referring to the full moon serving as a nightlight is dynamic.
Just questioning one word. Since seasons are not capitalized, should Fall be capitalized? ~Ohhh, Viv~?
She'll set us both straight. ~LOL~
I'm still in awe of how you can think about anything and write about it. Now, if I were out on a midnight stroll with Rusty and Pepper, my writing would probably be all about the darned pooper scooper!
Intense writing! Your words certainly express the suffering of someone close to another, who lives life in a bottle.
I read this line as being sarcastic, but benefits is definately not a word associated with alcoholism. Destruction, impairment, casualties, evils, atrocities come to mind.
The repetition of "I didn't hold that bottle to your mouth!" serves as a strong ending to a solid writing.
Hmmm, perhaps a good kisser making millions in the Listerine marketing world!! Sorry, must be viewing way too many commercials, but think you have just written the next Listerine moment, far above folks swishing for a minute ~LOL~.
Seriously, very touching writing. Your rhyme is impeccable. Have I mentioned residuals for everytime commercial is aired?? ~LOL~
One suggestion...
The days have past with no word from you, passed
Actually, this writing brings back memories of those first, unsure kisses. Thank you.
Your writing is so short, so off-the-wall, yet so embracing *grin*. It's almost like I'm holding my breath until I hear the echoes of tip-tip-tap on ivory keys again. I felt the sudden intrusion of silence!!
Doesn't sound like you're struggling too immensely with your faith...you most certainly have found the path, and are merely struggling not stray too far from it. Your first two lines draw attention, which is then supported by the rest of your writing.
Now, for a few comments . Personally, I think you are going to need a new keyboard soon, if you persist in this overabundance usage of elipses. I feel adding some other punctuation would enhance your writing.
The vain you take, wondering Perhaps, The vanity of wondering
A chance to prove your love
I kneed down kneeled?
forever Gleam gleam
Despite the fall I gave you Perhaps, caused you, rather than gave you?
For the love you always shown you've or you have
Very good writing with excellent thoughts behind it.
Simply delightful. The ability to paint so much feeling within a writing with so few words is truly striking. I'm usually a stickler for punctuation but your words just flow into the mood...and who in their right mind would want to deter this mood with punctuation? ~snickers~
Oh, guess I should rate this review at least a PG13 ~LOL~!!
Emotional writing. Your choice of words allow the reader to feel the confusion and frustration. The rhyme is quite good.
A few comments...
Third stanza, you begin lines 3 and 4 with same word. Perhaps editing 4th line to read something like
"Too much weighing down my plate", or "Too many burdens on my plate". Just ideas to get your creative editing in mode, as I realize my suggestions might disrupt your intended rhythm .
Also, in third stanza, 5th line, you capitalized "Then". Is this intentional?
Additional punctuation would allow you to control where your reader pauses, which could accentuate the writing.
Overall, you have expressed your feelings in a way that reaches out to your reader. And, that's what writing is all about .
~Grins at Viv~. Thought I lost the address to your port, didn't you?
Such powerful emotion poured into this writing. The line, "Where do I take this pain of mine?", clutches the heart of your reader. This one line reveals a relationship where everything was once shared. Yet, she cannot share her fears of this battle in order to conserve his own energies to fight it. Or, perhaps to mask her fears as an effort to alleviate his.
Hi, Dottie. Read your testimonial...so naturally, just felt compelled to visit your port. Am so glad I did .
What an inspirational writing for parents of non-morning children!! It just sings off the page!! I never sprinkled water on mine, merely hosed them out of bed ~LOL~. Just an upbeat writing that, for us over the hill parents, brings back such special memories. As Bob Hope would say ... ~Thanks for the memories~!!!
What a beautiful story that reinforces the fact that lives can and are changed by caring people. People who take the time to listen and reach out. Not sure if any of these young, motorcycle, drug-ridden lives were forever changed my your group's testimony ... but am sure yours and those attending the Bible Camp's were changed. Can't judge a book by it's cover ...
Harry, I always look forward to r&r'ing one of your writings...as I know I'll not be disappointed!! Most are simply stated (meaning, even I can understand them ~wink), yet hold such truth and impact for your reader.
One small favor...will you donate a few of your brain cells my way on your donor card?? ~grin~
We all hope to make a difference in someone's life, and although the beggar made a disappointing choice, the $10 was, for at least a few hours, his lifesaver. Fabulous read!!
Oh, Viv, it's always such a thrill to read your writings. This was beautifully done, as always!! I nearly shuddered as Letta returned to the bedroom knowing that her feelings of loneliness would once again consume her.
Just a few suggestions to make...
Finally exhaustion
"Please, John, you're always helping others.
"Everyone knows she left."
The ending to your story is perfect. Despite her own grief, Letta reaches out to John. To me, this is the beginning of her own healing. Oh, great...now I'm going to be humming "Only The Lonely" all afternoon ~grin~. Thanks for another excellent read!!
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I feel adding some other punctuation would enhance your writing.