"Our passion burns inside me
never quelling, always bright.
You fill my days with beauty,
and with love you fill my nights."
This is the ending of a beautiful and passionate poem. The flow and meter of this poem were nicely done. I think readers will enjoy the light touch that you bring here. Keep writing!-kat
"I think I'll draw a picture,
A picture with a twist.
I'll draw it with a razor,
And draw it on my wrist."
This poem starts off so great! The flow and meter stand up pretty well in this poem. I found it to be a pretty neat inspirational ride. Keep up the good work!-Kat
"I placed myself into this, and strange undesirable quality settle on me, the entities of it glaring into my soul to see if I was of pure heart, soul, and mind."-
The above was the only line that I stumbled on in this short story. I don't feel that this has to be added into anything at all! It stands so well on its own.-kat
Wow what a neat idea and a neat poem. I love the way that you tell this news story through this poem. You did it so well! I think the whole story is great! The flow and meter in this poem are also well done! You did a great job with this one! keep on writing!-kat
"I saw the peaceful beauty that noise often drives away."
I think that this is a nice little piece of flash fiction! You did such a great job of using your words to create a great visual image for the reader. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors in your work. This is just overall a nice sweet piece!-kat
"And on the shore in fading laps
goodbyes to seaweed for the day
A weakened tide leaves salty tracks
as morning greets me on the bay"
I love this poem. You did a great job with the meter and flow. You also created great imagery for the reader with your use of words. This was just all around well done.-kat
"We have another incident taking place as we speek over on the corner of This and That Street. It's the Corner Market, Drug, Grocery, Sporting Good, Tobacco, Liqour Emporium," cried the Chief.
"Holy Walmart Catman!" exclaimed Pidgeon.-
ROFLMAO! MAN THAT WAS FUNNY!
ok i think that you can work on your writing style in this story. I have to say that your humor though makes up for it big time. I found this piece to be so funny that i read sections of it to a friend over the phone.
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the piece more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is an autobiographical piece written in response to some requests by WDC who wanted to know more about the author. It gives an insight to the authors other works and personal life.
Pluses +
You have a great opening- it grabs the reader's attention.
I love the fact that you give links to your other works.
Suggestions:
I didn’t really find anything wrong with this piece.
Overall, this was an interesting autobiography that is set up really well. You give the reader a lot of insight into who you are. This is a great piece. Keep on writing. -kat
You know what? Maybe I should just go through your port and mark everything with a 5.0! Lol. Ok! As you know, the meter is great, the flow is great, and your story is great. Now that we are done with that let me talk about what I really love about this poem. It's catchy for one. Two, the repetition is great! And three, the form of the poem is so cute, it's like a bee hive! I love this sing-song poem!-kat
Ha I love the twist there! I was confused at first but caught on in the end. I think that they way you did this was way to clever, won't say to much about it since I don't want to give away the ending. Great job and keep up the good work! Oh and by the way, Good luck!-kat
I really liked this piece and had to recheck and make sure that it was indeed part of a story. It flows so well that it's as if i'm reading poetry. There was one section that for me kind of lost it's flow.
"When I say freaks, you know the ones I mean, the ones we give labels to. The people who are always standing out from the crowd for reason like; different music/fashion taste, ethnic background, sexuality, whatever it may be. If they are different then they are labelled freaks."
The rest reads like a poem and for me this section just stood out oddly...the piece does pick back up and flow after this. I'm not sure on how i would put it due to the fact that i don't know how it relates to the rest of your story.
I would love to read more of this story and see where it leads. If you do poetry i would love to read that too.-kat
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