It's nice to find another person who enjoys playing with "words." Though I didn't find your titles impressive or compelling --- too simple and plain for the strength exhibited within this particular piece.
I especially like the strength and rhythm of your opening lines:
The beauty of language lies in the words
The power of music can be felt in the chords
The course of your poem continues with an intricate, melodic weave. Though I wasn't as pleased with your ending. It seemed sudden... maybe I wanted more. I'm not quite sure.
Otherwise, I suggest a little more work on clarity. One aspect might be getting rid of unnecessary words from beginning to end. (For example, consider eliminating "your" in the second to the last line and "the" in the last line).
Wow. You captured and held my attention throughout this very "real" and artfully created piece. Rest assured, I identified with much of your writing----as will others, I'm sure.
I enjoyed the placement of your words, your word choice, imagery and flow --- very connected. Each word beckoned me... Transitions were graceful.
I read this aloud and the placement of punctuation was smooth.
The poem has a nice rhythmic flow that draws the reader through each successive stanza.
This seems to be a dramatic piece about two former lovers... In places it seems disconnected and "strange," making it difficult to get a true picture of what's going on and what you are trying to tell us.
You say its a strange dream. Sometimes dreams are quite disconnected... Personally, I like mystery... but this is so mysterious, its difficult to know what's going on.
Interesting. Below is the part I like best and found most meaningful -- simple yet eloquent, especially the last two lines.
"What do they want,
What can they bring,
Perhaps a lot, or not a thing?
Like life, sometimes,
A gentle glide upon the unseen wind,
A perfect landing,
Or, at worst,
To crash and burn, again."
A wonderful piece of magical fantasy. (Does that make me an unbeliever? --just kidding.) I enjoyed this fun piece --- the cadence of your rhythm and rhyme. Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.
Thank you for sharing your traumatic tale of suffering... so many senseless deaths. Your story-telling creates both mystery and intrigue, captivating the reader through to each fateful event.
I appreciate your willingness to share your culture and background with those of us who are unfamiliar with such practices. I am glad they did away with the practice of Sati --- what a horrifying way to die.
Wow... I like the way you bring the reader into this piece with easy, realistic dialog and short paragraphs.
And then with wonder and anticipation --- there in the moment --- I actually felt his dilemma, anxiety and resolve --- and wanted to shout at him, shake him, stop him... You had me on the edge of my seat right through to the end. Good job!
You left a "p" out of the title --- s/b "Slipped Away."
This is an interesting piece, but it leaves me wondering --- Is this someone's death and dying? or someone in depression --- mental illness?
Otherwise, you held my interest all the way through to the end. I did reread this poem at least twice, maybe three times --- wondering if I missed something.
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