I found your poetry interesting... a pleasant surprise, as I wasn't expecting a proposal.
I found your introduction intriguing as I too know what a "red letter day" is about... since His Words are written in red in the New Testament portion of the Bible, should we own a "red letter" edition.
Your word choices conveyed your feelings quite well. I found your work focused and captivating.
** Image ID #1281656 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1301515 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1265276 Unavailable **
Great photographs. It was nice of you to share them with us. I can see why you want to go back. What a beautiful place. Auf weidersehen. (I'm struggling to remember my German...)
** Image ID #1281656 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1301515 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1265276 Unavailable **
Here: "But death rends the vail..." "Vail" s/b "veil."
I liked your poem. I found great potential.
However, here:
"I'm falling to pieces with no one to catch them,
I need you to mend my hearts ripped hem." I wasn't sure what you were saying. The meaning wasn't clear to me.
** Image ID #1281656 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1301515 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1265276 Unavailable **
Wow, you have a lot to say... I enjoy reading your work. One can't help but be provoked --- to think about what you're saying and to almost study while reading it.
Thank you for sharing with us... your heart and soul.
** Image ID #1281656 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1301515 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1265276 Unavailable **
I found this sort of a tribute to those of us (probably most if not all of us) who have been broadsided by a mean or undeserved low rating/review.
I found your writing focused and meaningful. The rhythm and rhyme gave it a nice cadence.
"Memorable" defined this for me --- not easily forgotten --- the poem, I mean. (I think I'll add this one to my favorites so I can laugh again when I get a review that shoves me back.)
The indent feature might make for a better presentation of your work here. When you post or edit your work, there is a place just above the posting place in blue, click on it and you will find you can change the font type, size, indent, underline, italicize, etc., all of which are very useful.
Here: "to far down the path of death." "To" s/b "too."
Here: "even though she couldn't se it, she knew it was there and that it was real." You accidently left an "e" out of the word "see."
Here: "Niveus, snow, his name, it fit him so well, so perfectly. So cold." Is his last name "Snow?" If so, you don't need the comma after "Niveus" and "Snow" should begin with a capital letter.
Here: "Was their time out already?" I'm not sure "out" is the best word ---- it seems a little out of context with the other wording used throughout. You might rethink your word usage here. I would suggest maybe "Was their time over already?"
I'm cutting this short because my cable is going out...
You gave me goosebumps with this one... I'm looking forward to that day.
I found your rhythm and rhyme worked very well throughout. You remained focused with a smooth flow of words, line after line --- drawing the reader to the final, delightful line.
Here: "...like the shadows under the oak tree;" maybe remove "the" before "shadows."
Here: "As I place the wreath
upon the cold, heartless gravestone
and forcing my dejected feet
to lead me away..."
I think you missed something in editing. I believe the "and" before the word "forcing" should be removed.
I believe if you take another look and tighten this up a bit, removing unnecessary words, this piece would have greater impact.
Very nicely done. You capture the reader with your vivid descriptions.
I enjoyed your poetry here. Nice rhythm and rhyme cadence without monotony --- smooth flow throughout. You grabbed and held my attention through to the end.
"The cold, monotonous shades of blue I paint remind me that always." You need an "of" after "me," before "that always..." for clarity.
"Bombs were dropped down..." Here the word "down" is unnecessary because it is understood. "Dropped" implies down due to the laws of gravity.
Here: "Slowly, I drag my feet along the ground, barefooted." "Barefooted" should be simply "barefoot;" the "-ed" is unnecessary.
Here: "The rhythm of the dark, dazzling blue waves beckons to me..." the word "to" is unnecessary.
Here: "It is as terrified as those of a cornered rat, brimming with tears." This sentence lacks clarity, seems a little misplaced. As the reader, I wonder whose eyes?
--------------------------------
The storyline and focus of ABSTRACT BLUE is clear, captivating and easily followed. Your words flow in a soft rhythmic pattern --- gentle as a flag blowing in a soft breeze.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 3:58am on Apr 28, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
