|The indent feature might make for a better presentation of your work here. When you post or edit your work, there is a place just above the posting place in blue, click on it and you will find you can change the font type, size, indent, underline, italicize, etc., all of which are very useful.
Here: "to far down the path of death." "To" s/b "too."
Here: "even though she couldn't se it, she knew it was there and that it was real." You accidently left an "e" out of the word "see."
Here: "Niveus, snow, his name, it fit him so well, so perfectly. So cold." Is his last name "Snow?" If so, you don't need the comma after "Niveus" and "Snow" should begin with a capital letter.
Here: "Was their time out already?" I'm not sure "out" is the best word ---- it seems a little out of context with the other wording used throughout. You might rethink your word usage here. I would suggest maybe "Was their time over already?"
I'm cutting this short because my cable is going out...
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