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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ruwth !

I'm reviewing this on behalf of "I Write in 2018.

You've written a non-fiction piece about your memories and emotions of Spring. The seasons are changing, and that transition is also mirrored in your writing with mention of your childhood memories in New York to your current home in Oklahoma. Having similar experiences from living in a place with no real seasons to somewhere with very distinct seasons, I appreciated this insight into your past. And like Spring, there was a soft warmth in the tone you used, which made reading your writing all the more pleasant.

Overall, I could find no grammatical errors.

You've created a lovely memory of Spring. Thank you for sharing it. I wish you all the best in the contest. *Smile*


Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of March Madness  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Autumn !

I writing this review as part of "I Write in 2018.

Your description of the weather in spring is evocative and vivid. I was able to feel the turbulence of the season's mercurial-like weather changes. There wasn't anything about this that I didn't love. Thank you for sharing your work!

There were no grammatical errors that I could find.

This is a beautifully written poem. I wish you all the best in your contest. *Smile*


Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of It's Not Over  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Cheri Annemos !

I'm writing this review on behalf of "I Write in 2018.

You've done a great job with your flash fiction on Dennis Smith. He's an intriguing character, who obviously has many ways of persuasion. What really got about this story was his continued curiosity, perhaps even a little anger, about Constance. Was it her refusal to his advances that made him want to keep after her or was it a pathological need to win every encounter he had? It would be interesting to see where this story went if you continued it further.

I could find no grammatical errors.

This is a nifty story. I wish you luck in the contest. *Smile*


Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Olympiad  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jeff !

I'm writing this review for "I Write in 2018.

This is my first encounter with a Rondelet poem. It's an interesting poem form, and I think you did a wonderful job with it, capturing the essence of the Olympics. With the games going on at the moment, it inspiring to read about them too.

I could spot no grammatical or structural errors.

Good luck! *Smile*


Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Speak Up!  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games !

I'm writing this review for "I Write in 2018.

You've created a short story about best friends Monica and Tina, who have to deal with sexual harassment in their everyday lives. This is a difficult topic, and I think you did a great job demonstrating how prevalent it is. Consent and boundaries are necessary; Monica and Tina learn how to stick up for theirs and to respect others. In that way, you've done a decent job discussing this issue from several angles.

Listed below are a few grammatical errors I found while reading. Please take whatever you feel is valid and discard anything you don't think applies.

*BulletGr* Her best friend, Tina, liked it less, but still(,) both girls liked being out...

*BulletGr* Say, 'Mr. Greenberg(,) you touched me in a way that I kind of didn't like.'

*BulletGr* "Are you serious? Your mother would blameyou (blame you) for that?"



Good job tackling a controversial topic. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. *Smile*

Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Lucy  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi The bald writer !

I'm writing you a review today for "I Write in 2018.

For the Pet News Contest, you wrote a personal essay about your family dog, Lucy. It seems like the journey to adopting her into the family as well as watching her grow was quite a ride. The examples you provided of the ups and the downs in having a pet created an evocative picture. As a reader, this glimpse into her life felt all the more real for the tidbits of stories you shared.

Listed below are a few grammatical errors I found while reading. Please take whatever you feel is valid and discard anything you don't think applies.


*BulletGR* Lucy past (passed), 2 years ago, on a warm August afternoon, on her veterinarian’s table, in Port Washington, NY.

*BulletGR* Lucy was 15(.)

*BulletGR* Lucy was born, in a Glen Cove Animal (S)shelter six weeks before joining our family.

*BulletGR* “It’s too big(,) and there are too many trees. It’s scary(.)”

*BulletGR* “I understand(,) Jason, but you can have a dog(.)”.

*BulletGR* “Can I get a dog mom(?)”

*BulletGR* “Please(,) can I get a dog mom,(;) dad promised(.)”

*BulletGR* Lucy traveled to our home, sitting on my son’s lap, next to his best friend, in the back of my Mark VIII(.)

*BulletGR* “She is friendly, smart, and very independent. Good luck(.)”

*BulletGR* Friendly(,) she was. She loved it when people came to our home. Hated it when they left. She would let us know it(,) too. Loudly.

*BulletGR* While I was talking, with the director of the facility, Lucy started to jump at the door (k)nob, wrapping her paws around the round (k)nob.

*BulletGR* “Isn’t that cute”, the director said, laughing. “She thinks she is going to open the door.(")

*BulletGR* Not on a door with a round (k)nob, at least(.)

*BulletGR* When she waited at the window in the family room, at 3pm (how did she know?) waiting for (the) sight of the school bus, run to the front door to jump on my son, she was saying I love you.


Thank you for sharing your personal account of Lucy, and what she meant to you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was an amazing dog.

Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Looked Ones  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
SAJ Review Sig donated by the awesome Kiyasama!



This review is part of your gift package from Showering Acts of Joy!


Salutations Fran 🏅🇬🇧🇬🇧🏅 :

First Thoughts: You've done a wonderful job with your flash fiction piece. I was quite taken by the characters of Lucas and the woman he looked after. I believe you were able to create an effective story in a short amount of words.


Minor Errors: In the second to last paragraph, the last sentence ends with a comma and a period. I would advise that you delete the comma.


Conclusion: Well done! It was an intriguing read. I could see this as a larger piece or as a serial story. I am definitely looking forward to reading more of your work in the future.


Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


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Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* This is a review of "Words Without Words for "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program. *Reading*
This review is given in the spirit of Rising Star fellowship, and to help improve each others writing.
It, by no means, is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed there within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.

Greetings Athena Lynn -

         You've written an excellent short story about the sacrifices military families go through when serving their country. You've centered your narration on the point-of-view of the service family's young daughter. Your comparison of what child is concerned about, and what her parents' are concerned about is an excellent plot device. It demonstrates emotions without manipulating your awesome. I was blown away by this story, especially considering that this is your first short story!

         There are a couple of suggestions I would like to bring to your consideration to tighten certain aspects of your story.

*Right* When writing about age, you may want to consider spelling out the number eight instead of just listing the number. This is somewhat preference for the writer, but some writers believe that you should spell out any number under ten.

*Right* She actually had a room in the house dedicated to stationary (stationery) of every imaginable kind...

"Stationary" means "unmoving or fixed" while "stationery" means "writing materials".

*Right* Once it was secure my Mother and I, and my Nana were escorted over to Dad.

Try instead: Once it was secure my Mother, my Nana, and I were escorted over to Dad.

         You've written an amazing story! Thank you for sharing this piece of work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Write on!

Fellow Rising Star,
LdyPhoenix

** Image ID #1624255 Unavailable **

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Review of The Ride - DRAFT  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Reading* This is a review of "The Ride - DRAFT for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. *Reading*
This review is given in the spirit of writing fellowship, and to help improve each others writing.
It, by no means, is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed there within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.


Greetings Talera -

First Thoughts: You start off your story with a definite punch. The narration, told in first-person, drops the reader right into the heart of the conflict. This is starting out to be an exciting read... *Reading*

Errors: I found a few grammatical errors while reading through your story. Below are a few suggestions on how to fix these areas.

*Right* The man, I cannot recall his name, started joking with the male salesman about how...

*Tools* The "male" written in this sentence is redundant, especially within the context of your entire. By removing it, you allow for easier reading without diminishing what you are trying to say.


*Right* There is no point protesting or trying to make a sound, (;) I had been silenced...

*Tools* Your one sentence can be split into two sentences here. Reread your original text, then this implemented suggest to see which sounds better to your ear. If you hear a natural pause, I would suggest keeping the semi-colon or placing a period in its place.


*Right* He looks at me(,) and I know that his anger has decided...

*Tools* The comma added here is to separate the antagonist's action from your thought.


Suggestions: While reading your story I came across a few places that might help you improve the transition and flow of your pacing. These are just suggestions. Feel free to ignore them. *Smile*

*Right* I begin to shiver knowing I could be handled by many men and am powerless to do so anything about it
.

*Tools* This sentence sounded awkward when I read through it the first time. It took me a couple of tries before picturing what you are trying to say here. Sensing your sentiment is not an issue, but I feel you're lacking a couple of words to make this complete. In red, I've highlighted areas you might consider revising.


*Right* I hear the man open the car door(,) and his swearing and frustration is apparent through his words and tone.

*Tools* This sentence reads a bit rough. As your character is telling this tale from the first-person, showing and not telling is difficult to maneuver. I've suggested a fix above, but the bigger issue is how you can express this man's frustration without telling your readers. You have parts of this already. The man swearing is a good demonstration of this. Consider rereading your story, and finding places that seem more "telling" than "showing". Revising these issues will add to the suspense of your story.


Conclusion: What an imaginative ending! I love what you've done with the ending here, creating a surprise conclusion for your readers. You've definitely lead a merry game. With a few small changes, this will definitely be close to perfection. Write on! *Thumbsup*

Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix


** Image ID #1576301 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
10
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Review of 7 Seconds  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


Greetings Marie --

FIRST THOUGHTS:

         Interesting poem! It's not often that one crosses a poem about basketball. You've captured the game well in a few lines. *Smile*

STRUCTURE:

         The structure of your poem is short and concise. However, in order to maintain a certain order or look, there are some key words missing. I highlighted the parts you may wish to consider.

*UmbrellaB* But the home team with too much greed
This sentence does not read well as it is not a complete sentence, even if you attach the sentence that comes before it. I would suggest changing the word "with" with "has".

SPELLING & GRAMMAR:

         I found one spelling error.

*UmbrellaB* This is a poem that i (I) came up while watching a basketball game.

         Reading through your poem, I found the punctuation is not continuous throughout the piece. This breaks up the flow of the poem, making the reading more choppy than what you may have had in mind. Below I've listed your poem with full punctuation, marked in bold.

7 seconds left in the game(;)
The away team losing just the same(.)
Down by 2 points, that's all they need(,)
But the home team with too much greed(.)
The shot went up to the away team's joy(.)
The shot was missed(,) and they were destroyed(.)
The home team has just won the game.
The away team lost, just the same.


CONCLUSION:

         You have an intriguing poem here. With a few adjustments, I think your piece can really shine. I thing I would suggest with future poems is to read them allowed and test the natural pauses; this will help with punctuation. Write on! *Smile*

Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
11
11
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* This is a review of "The Depths Of Forget for "Retired Founder, Rising Stars Program. *Reading*
This review is given in the spirit of Rising Star fellowship, and to help improve each others writing.
It, by no means, is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed there within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.

Greetings grayshift -

[First Impressions]:
         *Idea* This is a beautiful piece of prose. There is an interconnection between description and emotion that feeds the landscape you've created is intense and bittersweet. Yet, what is bleak is also inspiring. There is no end without a beginning, that continues over and over again.

[Structure]:
         *Tools* The structure of your prose is sparse and streamlined. Each section stands on its own, but flows into the next line well.

[Grammar/Spelling]:
         *Magnify* Overall, I could find no grammatical errors while reading your piece of prose. However, there was one reoccurring spelling mistake that continued throughout your work.

*XB* Causes my body of work to bear the signs of it's stress.
*XB* I remember only the tragedy of it's birth.
*XB* Not the chalk board, nor it's proofs.

         "It's" is the contracted form of It is. "Its" is the possessive pronoun form. I would suggest changing the highlighted it's to its.

[Final Thoughts]:
         *Key* The prose you've created is moving and magnificent. Thank you for sharing. Write on! *Smile*

[Favorite Line/Segment]:
         *CheckB* I shall swallow your yesterdays, regardless of the cost.

*Star* Your Fellow Rising Star,
LdyPhoenix

** Image ID #1779557 Unavailable **
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Review of Our Someday  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings DarkRose praying 4 Renna :

~This is a review of "Our Someday~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: You've done a great job in capturing the disappointment of not having a loved one around when they have promised to be there. Going through a situation similar to this, I can feel for the narrator and can see where she finally embraces letting his promise go without letting go of hope.

Plot: This poem is about the narrator's hope to see her older brother again, but has come to stop expecting him as he promised. The poem speaks to finally accepting the situation as it stands and moving on with her life.

Structure: The non-rhyming structure works well with the idea of the poem. I like the way you connect each of the stanzas by linking with repetitive words in the lines, and circling thoughts are the beginning and ending of the poem.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical or spelling errors while reading your piece of poetry. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: This was a lovely piece about betrayal and acceptance, working within a person's boundaries of self. Well done and write on! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of You Happened  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings TLaurenCole :

~This is a review of "You Happened~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: I like the simplistic feel of the poem, and the frankness of feeling. Comparing life before and after the first special moment makes for a lovely picture.

Structure: This was a simple, free-flowing poem about the emotions of falling in love. The structure works well with the flow, and the absence of rhyme helps the movement.

Characters: The narrator's openness to the feelings before and after meeting the special someone helps adds to the dimensions of the poem. The declaration makes it easy to sympathize with the narrator and root for a happy outcome.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical or spelling errors while reading this poem. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: Lovely, romantic poem. Well done! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of The Prince  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings RedButterfly :

~This is a review of "The Prince~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: I loved what you've done with switching around the point-of-view of this classic fairytale. It was refreshing to hear it from the male's mind about the night his life changed. You have a lovely way of describing the scene and capturing the feelings of the moment. You gave enough information about the royal family dynamic without weighing the short story down with info dump.

Well done.

Plot: The story goes through the first half of the Cinderella through the narration of The Prince. There are the same climatic moments, only with different personal goals. He tries to best to remain his own person without swaying to the desires of his parents, but at the same time, is aware of the damage that might happen if his cousin is given control of the kingdom.

Meeting the mysterious girl at the ball changes everything.

Structure: Well-written structure and voice. You never stray from the mind of The Prince. Everything was clear-cut and precise.

Characters: The Prince is excellent. I can see why Cinderella fell in love at first sight. He is charming and self-deprecating, and shows genuine feelings of enchantment when meeting his future wife for the first time.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical or spelling errors while reading your short story. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: Well done! I look forward to reading more from you in the future. *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of Nameless  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings Jennifer Doran :

~This is a review of "Nameless~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: This poem speaks of the how a friendship, particularly with the subject in your piece, can help through the hard times and bring warmth. What was intriguing about this was the subtle underlying subject of obsession, almost speaking of "Nameless" like a pill or medication. Well done.

Structure: I enjoyed the free-form flow of the poem and the use of a non-rhyming scheme, which fit well with the theme of your poem. The repetition of the first stanza in the last stanza concluded the poem nicely.

Characters: The narrator of your poem is describing how the subject of the poem was always there, through thick and thin. The details of emotions as well as action made for a lovely touch.

Grammar/Spelling: There were a couple of grammatical errors I spotted while reading your poem. As these are important to the first and last stanzas, I would recommend paying particular attention to these.

*Quill* Clingyness (Clinginess) and Cluttlerlyness (not a word)

*Quill* Tryptophon (Tryptophan) and indigo

Closing Thoughts: This was a lovely, intriguing ode to someone who stood by the side of someone in need. The underlying hint of darkness made this a well-crafted poem. Write On! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of Life  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Mar :

~This is a review of "Life~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: This poem explores the emotional scope of life. Your poem goes through the process of dealing with happiness turning to pain. There are trials and tribulations, and this work chronicles the feelings that go with it.

Structure: You have a nice sense of structure when it comes to your poem. I like the rhyming scheme you've creature for the theme of your work. Although somewhat forced at times to fit the poetic pattern, this was easy to follow.

One thing I would like to suggest would be to post the rhyming pattern you used at the bottom of your poem, especially if you are using a specific type of poetry. This will help reader follow along better.

Characters: The narrator of this poem expresses the emotional trouble that comes with dealing in the constant changes in life. While reflecting on the past, the narrator prays for better understanding and acceptance.

Grammar/Spelling: This was well-crafted. I could find no grammatical errors while reading. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: This was well written and portrays the emotional difficulties we all face in times of uncertainty. Write on! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of The Fog  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **

-This is a review of "The Fog for Rising Stars.-

Greetings EarthenAura -

[First Impressions]: I was intrigued by the title of this piece, and then by the premise behind the writing. What makes this an interesting read is that the woman is honest with herself about what happens in her relationships with other people as well as with herself. In many ways, this fog is something most of us carry around with us. You can also see the progress she makes as you go along with her thoughts.Whether this fog makes us bad people is debatable, and that makes this piece even more compelling to read.

[Structure]: The structure of this work matches the thought process of the woman. In almost diary form, you can see where she headed as she contemplates her emotions about the fog that surrounds her.

[Grammar/Spelling]: I found one minor error while reading.

*Quill* It can take someone who’s having a wonderful day,and (needs space) ...

[Final Thoughts]: This was a creative piece and easy to relate to. There were a few revelations with the woman's thought process, making her small amount of progress commendable. Hopefully, she can find a way beyond the cloud. Well done. Write on! *Smile*

[Favorite Line/Segment]: A poignant conclusion.

"Perhaps we all have fogs. Maybe their fog and mine creates more of a cloud. Maybe a thundercloud. Maybe it creates lightning. Maybe it creates thunder. Maybe it creates rain.

But then the fog remains."


-Your Fellow Rising Star,
LdyPhoenix
18
18
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings turtlemoon-dohi :

~This is a review of "Late Evening Mistress~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: This was a masterful poem. The way you've made the moon into a lady was done without forcing the issue or pushing the wording too much into the scene. Your skill with crafting the scene is showcased here.

Structure: I like the free-flowing poetic form as it moves with the poem instead of forcing the words into a rigid structure. This helps all the components work together for a nice read.

Characters: I loved your portrayal of the moon as a finely dressed lady, showing off her beauty as she danced across the sky. It was easy to imagine the moon walking into a late evening party, and becoming the talk of the room. Your descriptions of the moon's appearance and the responding animals and nature around was spot on.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical or structural errors while reading your poem. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: Very well-crafted. I'll look out my window tonight, and see the moon in a whole new light. Makes me wonder who she is showing off for this evening, lol. Write On! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of Stay In Your Room  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings D.L. Robinson :

~This is a review of "Stay In Your Room~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: I was quite blown away by what you've written in this piece of prose. This seems like a step-by-step guide as to how we can find peace within ourselves by first stripping away all internal conflict, then keeping away external conflict to find and heal oneself.

Structure: The structure of this piece is well constructed. I like the way it feeds into itself the more you read on. The descriptions used were also well placed as they placed the dark and the light side-by-side, making them both equal and unproductive in the process.

Characters: The narrator of this prose has a strong voice, speaking out to the readers and drawing them in. This made the prose compelling, and almost entrancing. The strength of the narrator cuts through any hesitation there may be.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical or structural errors while reading your work. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: I found this piece to be meditative, although I've never heard of mediation described quite in this manner. There were several poignant lines of this piece that will stay with me long after I finish reading. Write On! *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review of Paralysis  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Woo :

~This is a review of "Paralysis~
This is just my opinion. Please take from this advice what you wish, and discard the rest.


First Impressions: Wow, this was extremely dark in content and intent. The choice of where we have the right to take our own life is hotly debated. What you've done with your poem is demonstrate the personal struggle as to what it feels like to wish for death. The emotions you've drawn upon are palpable - the loneliness and despair bringing readers into the situation.

Structure: The structure of the poem is well made. You've written a (a/b/c/b) form type of rhyme that let's the poem have continuous flow throughout the work.

If I were to make a suggestion, I would remove the parenthesis on the last line of the second stanza. The line actual fits within context the further you read, so having that line singled out is not necessary.

Characters: The narrator of the poem has a strong and steady voice throughout the entire piece. This adds a certain level of creepiness to the poem as there is no hesitation in the narrator's actions.

Grammar/Spelling: I could find no grammatical errors while reading. *Thumbsup*

Closing Thoughts: This was a very deep poem, one that might hit closer to home for some readers. They say that it is cathartic to release inner struggles, which is one of the main reasons why I write. I hope this poem is the same for you, and not something you may be considering. Darkness has a way of touching us all. That's how we know we're not alone. Keep up the good work. *Smile*

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


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Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.5)
Salutations Dr M C Gupta ~

This is an entry review of "I CANNOT LET YOU GO
for "The Elementalist Contest


First Thoughts: The sentiments in this poem were well expressed. This was a classic way to describe the meaning behind the contest prompt. Nicely done. *Smile*

Errors: I found two possible errors while reading your poem.

*Cut* My blood, my sweat(,) my tears.

*Cut* How to prove, I do’nt (don't) know.

Suggestions: At times it seemed that the wording of the poem was forced. This may have been to fit the format of the poem. I would recommend rereading the poem, and checking to see if the lines move smoothly with one another. If not, reworking the wording to for better flow.

Favorite Line/Segment:

"I will truly shed in love
My blood, my sweat my tears.
I will walk through fire of hell.
One in love knows no fears."


Thanks for entering! *Smile*

Signature made by Lonewolf

Looking for a different type of writing challenge,
and part of the First Peoples' Tribe?

Check out:
 NAFP Short Story Contest  (13+)
Monthly prompts with great prizes!
#1648835 by I Love WDC! Cissy❤

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Review of Us Lovely Corpses  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.0)
Salutations Skot ~

This is an entry review of "Us Lovely Corpses
for "The Elementalist Contest


First Thoughts: This was an interesting take on the contest prompt. The descriptions were vivid. I hadn't thought to take the context of this contest round into that point. Points for creativity.

Errors: Nice use of language. I could find no grammatical errors while reading your work. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions: I have to say it took me a few times to understand where you were going this piece. One thing that helped was your hint in the forum post. Depending on you feedback from others, you might want to make a note at the end of this work to give other readers a hint of what you are trying to convey.

Also, give the graphic detail of this work I would suggest rating this piece slightly higher than "E". This is just a thought. These are just suggestions; you must make the right for your own words.

Favorite Line/Segment:

For thenceforth we’d have found that void.
To our love’s prime desire.


Thanks for entering! *Smile*

Signature made by Lonewolf

Looking for a different type of writing challenge,
and part of the First Peoples' Tribe?

Check out:
 NAFP Short Story Contest  (13+)
Monthly prompts with great prizes!
#1648835 by I Love WDC! Cissy❤

23
23
Review of The Find  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Medussa -

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*Balloon*


First Thoughts: This was a wondrous poem about finding something by the sea. The narrator of the poem describes, in great detail, a small object they found buried in the sand. The enthusiasm and wonder comes across well. It was easy to see why the narrator didn't want to be entranced, lol.

Errors: The poetic flow of this piece moves well from one stanza to the next. I especially enjoyed the way you repeated the last line in each stanza to give it uniformity.

I could find no grammatical errors while reading through. *Thumbsup*

Suggestions: You have a talent with words, mixing clever phrases and vivid imagery. No suggestions needed; it's great as is.

Favorite Line/Segment:

That killer of cats conquered me.
How wondrous, this find by the sea.



A review signature by Mari.
24
24
Review of No More  
Review by LdyPhoenix
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Walking in the rain SAJ signature


Greetings mARi♥BusyWithWork -

I'm here to give you a Showering Acts of Joy review of
"No More
.


First Thoughts: You've created a very powerful piece with this poem. The subject matter and imagery bring the reader to a place of pain and sorrow, and the fight to overcome abuse. The woman's struggle to stay alive for her child is strong, coming across with each stanza. The last stanza is probably the most poignant and telling for me.

Errors/Suggestions: You've chosen a great poetic form to convey your scene. The flow moves smoothly throughout your entire poem. I also could not find any grammatical while reading through. *Thumbsup*

Conclusion: This was an emotional and dark poem in which the woman was able to stop the violence in her home, and find a sense of justice. Well done and write on! *Smile*

-Sincerely,
LdyPhoenix
25
25
Review of In Flames  
Review by LdyPhoenix
Rated: E | (4.5)
Salutations CorrugateSky ~

This is an entry review of "In Flames
for "The Elementalist Contest


First Thoughts: As your description states, this is a very passionate poem about what love can turn to when things are no longer balanced. The narrator's emotions are vivid as are the images you describe to your readers. I enjoyed the creative way your used the contest prompt, making fire your base to describe the atmosphere of a tumultuous relationship.

Errors: I spotted a couple of grammatical errors while reading your poem.

*Cut* ...a funeral pyre befitting our consumate (consummate) end.

*Cut* it unfurls extravagently (extravagantly)

Suggestions: Overall, I appreciated your sense of poetic structure and wording. The flow of the poem, however, I think was stifled by some of the phrasing of the stanzas. Below are some suggestions to make things smoother. Keep in mind that these are just suggestions. In end the end you must do what's right for your work. *Smile*

*Quill* ...of selfless substance, = (;)

*Quill* ...I am a hopeless pyromaniac, = (.)

Favorite Line/Segment:

"We simply consumed each other
and ourselves."


Thanks for entering! *Smile*

Signature made by Lonewolf

Looking for a different type of writing challenge,
and part of the First Peoples' Tribe?

Check out:
 NAFP Short Story Contest  (13+)
Monthly prompts with great prizes!
#1648835 by I Love WDC! Cissy❤
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