I love this! I had the unique situation of caring for my mother when she was well and when she was ill. The last year was the hardest. Maybe I will write about it someday like you have. It might just let my soul rest.
Lynda with a Y
There is only one word to sum this up. Beautiful. I do not know what things have happened to you but you have written a very emotional poem that says a lot. I would not change anything.
Lynda with a Y
Honey, I wish I could give a review but I cannot understand anything that is written here. Please take a look a rewrite, in english, what you are saying. Then I will be happy to review this for you.
Lynda with a Y
WOW! Powerful and moving. Strangely enough I can identify to some of your writing here. Health; yes, you need to keep up with your health because when our health is bad so goes our mind. I know, I just got out of the hospital with lung inflammation and will be on oxygen for another 6 months. I hate it, really hate it. I am trying to take care of my health but it has a mind of its' own. OH, and aging-I have to laugh because I have had one eye surgery to remove a cataract from my left eye. It was so bad that I was legally blind. After the 2nd day I could see very well. Actually 20/20. I was in the bathroom washing my face when I dried it off and looked at myself. I wasn't there. Here was an elderly woman with silver gray hair staring back at me. I was appalled when I realized it WAS me! Now instead of telling my hairdresser to let the color in my hair grow out I am telling her I want color. Talk about keeping her confused.
Anyway, I am not taking your piece lightly. I believe you are now on the right path to freedom. Continue to write your feelings because that is what we do. Never look back. I use to but not anymore. Each day is a new day and no matter how bad the day before was, the new day arrives and I strive to write and find peace with myself.
Lynda with a Y
Whew! And I am suppose to go to bed now. LOL! You have a good story here but you need to clean it up. It is like one run-on paragraph. Use commas and verbs. Rethink your story, sentence, per sentence. Would love to see it again after you tweak it.
Lynda with a Y
MMMM, it makes me want to know what's behind the door. What or who did this? Cute short story. I would take some of the verbs out and rewrite some of the sentences. Otherwise a great read. keep it up.
Lynda with a Y
Well, it is a cute poem, but I think it needs some work. I am not one to know that much about poems, but I do know what I like. Do a few tweets to it, clean it up a bit and it will run. No pun intended.
Lynda with as Y
You have a powerful poem here. I am not one that can critique you poem for stanza's, rhyming, etc. but I can give my thoughts on how I feel about your piece. I think it is wonderful. It says so much to everyone; the poor and those that have been through such tragedies and to all that can help make a difference. Keep up the good work and the very good writing.
Lynda with a Y
Really good. A tweet here and there with a small tune up. It will be good as new. Really, rework some of the parts and your clock will continue in its best form when it TICKS and TOCKS. Lynda with a Y
Interesting poem. What I see is that you had some big decisions to make and came to terms with that. Once you made up your mind it was all the way or nothing. I liked it. keep putting these things that are in your mind down on paper. Good work! Lynda with a Y
Understanding why you won! I believe anyone who has traveled by bus can relate to this story. I know I can. Two times from Houston to California and back. Oh, never forget those rides. You keep the air mystery, anticipation, irritation and relief in your story. That is what riding on a bus was to me. Great story and very well written. Lynda with a Y
OK, that just left me wanting more! So I will just keep reading about you. I think that when you write about something you know, the words come out easier - or, do they? Lynda with a Y
To me it is wonderful to grow up among trees and creeks and watch for the changing of the seasons. How very luck you were. Then to know at a very early age you wanted and could write! Please let us all know when your book gets on the shelf or Amazon. I for one would love to read it. Wishing you joys of a lifetime in writing.
Lynda with a Y
Hi Ian. I believe you have the makings of a good story. However, you need to check and recheck your work before putting it out for all to see. You have several misspellings (for example: heel, not heal and then instead of than)and repeated sentences. You have sentences that do not make sense. As I said, your story will be wonderful when you cut it apart and put it back together fitting each piece together like a puzzle. never stop writing as that is how you learn. I for one am still learning and if I write late at night I find I have a lot more misspellings. LOL! I would like to see this again once you have rejuvenated it.
Heartfelt. You must know what you are talking about as every bit is so true and those are fleeting moments that we cherish. I would go a step further and give the child's age. A very good poem.
Lynda with Y
Wonderful; poem! Maybe a little more research on wolves. Read Jodi Piccults book "Lone Wolf". It really gives you and insight on wolves and it is based on true account.
Love it. love it and just really love it! Got to the heart of the question of do you really want to love a girl how writes and her complexities.
More writing please.
Lynda with a y
This is a powerful piece. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Continue to write as I think you will put yor feeling into anything that comes your way. Lynda with a Y
An endless story of the young versus the older. Those who think they understand love but do not. Then, there are those who know and only exploit it. Great read. Good story line. Keep up the good work. Your writing is good and I would love to see more of what you do. Lynda with a y
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