I really like your story. I do not know why but I was a little confused with the back and forth of the writing. I reread it and do understand what you are doing. It is a wonderful piece. Is there anyway to present it a little bit different? Either way, this is very good writing and I say write on!
WOW! How very powerful this writing is. Are you sure you are not a teacher of English? There is nothing I would change. It is written and it is wonderful.
Lynda with a Y
I have to laugh because you nailed it right. I had cousins that lived in Vegas and I can remember when we would be talking and they would express how cold it was, then only to say idiot people running around in their shorts and sleeveless tops. One thing about Vegas, when it's hot, it's hot and when it's cold, it's cold. Good job! Great writing. Keep up the good work.
Well Len Kane, you have something for everyone to think about. Interesting thoughts on paper. I like what you have to say. I do think you need to reread and rework these thoughts. Maybe condense some of them together. You have some errors that you need to fix. Example: "My questions is simple, is it yes or no. Lets look at no first."
There are more that needs to be reworked, but once that is done it will be a fine piece. Keep up your writing as it will be fantastic.
I think you have something going for you. I am a little confused with the beginning as I do not think it matches with the rest of the poem. Take another look and read it out loud.Try reworking some of it . I would like to see it when you do. Keep up the good writing!
This is so cute! Personally I hope this is a true story because I am ready to pack-up and go there! I wouldn't change one thing about this down-to-earth story. Great writing. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
This is so lovely. Do yo remember when German Shepard's were the enemy? I do. OR the Doberman Pinchers. Each dog that has been bred to fight has such a bad reputation, but with the proper handling, when they are pups, they are very good dogs. It will take forever before people give these dogs a chance.
I liked your story. Well written and understandable. Well done!
A very touching poem. I cannot say if the stanzas are perfect or is it needed to be another type as I do not write poetry, but I do know what I like and this poem gives an emotional feeling to me.
I did, at first, think this was a small child, but at the end, of course, realize it was a father she was talking about. This is the only thing I would clear up in the poem.
As I am crying now for you. It is so hard to lose a dog that has been your friend, guardian, angel and "son" as you so rightly put it. What a wonderful tribute you have written to him.
This is good. When I was reading it I felt as though I was weightless and floating with the flakes. I do not know much about poems, but I do know what I like. Great writing!
Lynda with a Y
WOW! What an incredibly fantastic horror story you have here! It scared the pants off of me and I probably won't sleep tonight. The only thing as suggestions that I have to say is , there are some misspelled words that need to be taken care of. Other wise, I would not change one thing. I hope yo submit this somewhere.
I thought your story had a good beginning, but I found myself lost as I read on. It was difficult to say who was who. The story needs a lot of work but but will be a good one when you reread it and make some changes. Don't hive up as it could be funny and intriguing at the same time.
Lynda with a Y
OH my gosh. I cry for you. I have had many dogs and when I lost one it took forever to get over it. Your dogs are so special and I can't imagine having one to help e and losing them so soon. I cry for you, but I know that you have a great dog with you. God Bless,
Lynda with a Y
Oh my gosh, my Uncle would have loved this poem. He flew in World War II and retired from Service after 20 years. He then took a job with American Airlines and he was over all maintenance of planes. He loved planes and would go out to the airport, park, and watch the belly of the jets as they came and went. We all use to go with him. It was fun. I don't believe he ever miss the Blue Angels if they were near with a show.
Thanks for those wonderful memories.
Lynda with a Y
Very nice. I am glad that I read it on the eve of Valentine's day as it is so appropriate! I can feel the cabin and the fire. I can hear the strange noises outside but am totally aware s I am with the one I love. I would not change anything. Beautiful
Wonderful poem. I would get rid o a lot f the "that's" I tend to do the same thing and I have to go over and over my work to throw them away. The last stanza confused me because it doe not read well. Rewrite it. Everything else is great!
Lynda with a Y
This is good, really good! You hooked me at the very beginning and all the way through. I would like to know if she did indeed have the FLU. I supect so, but it was a great way to leave us hanging. Very well written. Write on!
Well, mean old Lucien! This was predictable but I loved the way you wrote it. Great short story. Keep up the good writing that you have. I like your style.
Lynda with a Y
Good story. I believe I would incorporate (5th line down) I set behind a wall and wrapped my arms. I would like to see you expand on what happen. How did it happen and how the mom died. It leaves me hanging. Keep up the great writing! Don't get discourage as this is very good.
Lynda with a Y
This brought too many thoughts into my mind. You gave an emotional story and laid it out pretty well. I was confused on the mother/daughter part. I thought the mother was thinking all to herself and then you went to the daughter. The transition should have been clearer. Not to worry, I would love to reread it when you rewrite that part. Good job!
Lynda with aY
Great story! I hope it isn't finished and this is just the beginning. I would like to know what happens in Jack and Mattie's life. You have a great beginning, middle and end and they transit very well. I like the way you talk about the characters because you bring them to life for the reader.
Add a sequel! LOL! NO kidding. God , solid writing.
Lynda with a Y
I think you have met my 11 year-old grandson. LOL! He knows it all too! Thanks for such a well written poem. It speaks volumes to the reader. It is very special and I can see why. Keep up the great writing!.
Lynda with a Y
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