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I really liked this story. You tell of disrespect of God's beautiful creatures. And who thinks they are better than them. The Crow, like the Raven is telling Never More.
I don't know how to thank you for this beautiful poem. It struck my heart and I had to cry. I miss that child so much. We were friends when she got older and we would sit in my art room and watch TV and talk. I miss those times with her. Thank you again. God Bless you
Boy! Time passes way to fast. I have looked at my book ,but I have not worked on it. I think I reviewed 1 person, but can't remember. I didn't meet my goals this week. Poo, I hate that
Just in time for Halloween! You should enter this in some of the contest WDC has. Just go to contest in Things to do and read on the left hand side of the screen.
This is simply quite beautiful. You have such a way with words. Keep up the great writing. I can tell you put a lot of your emotions in everything you write. That is what makes it so special.
You have a good story. Now you need to read it out loud to yourself. This way you will find the mistakes. You need to work on your grammar as you are missing periods, etc. Once you do all this and correct your grammar, it will be a smash.
What a fascinating and wonderful story you have written. It also gives one something to ponder on. I didn't really look at your grammar, just the body of your work. The only thing I have to say is separate your paragraphs. It makes it so much easier for the reader to read.
The story seems to be more about your feelings of your so-called friend than about turning 43. I think if you went back over this and read it out loud to yourself you will find the mistakes you made and correct them.
I am not a professional and these are only my opinions. You can use them or toss them, which ever you like. See my corrections below:
Lets go back and take a look at the beginning of me. I was born to two great parents who met at the Bally Muck bar in Waukegan, Il. They eloped within about six weeks of there first meeting. I was born several years later a sick baby. when I was born, due to the fact that the hospital gave my mom the wrong blood when she had my sister, I was kept in the closet of the nursery because I was to noisy and kept the other newbies awake. Many years later during a counseling session, I was told " Oh my, no wonder" . Much more about that later. So, I was sick, real sick, like not supposed to survive sick, but lucky for everyone that knows me, I did.
Lets go back and look at the beginning of me. I was born to my great parents who met at the Bally Muck bar in Waukega, Ill. After six weeks of their first meeting, the eloped. Several years later I was born. I was a very sick baby due to the fact the hospital gave my mom the wrong kind of blood when she had my sister. I was kept in the closet of the nursery because I was so noisy( might want to use fussy here) and kept the other babies awake.I was sick enough that no on thought I would survive, but I did.
Many years later it was told of me being the closet and they said, "Oh my, no wonder." Much more about that later. ( I would skip this as it doesn't apply to the rest of the story).
I hope that showing you this way will help you understand. You need to read up on quotes, end quotes. Take a little course in sentence structer, or the eight parts of writing. This will really help you.
Good luck on your writing and keep on putting those sentences down to make a story!
Dark funny. I wish I knew more about poems to give a really good review, but all I know is what I like. I thouhg it was a good poem, even though it was blood and gore but it was funny.
Very funny! The boss-man had it coming.
Is this some kind of challenge? You don't say what it is. If a challenge then I could see all of them in the pond, but you don't specify what it is. Otherwise, I think it is very well done.
With the start of football season comes the dreaded fundraisers. I (asked)( mom) for a ride to the neighborhood on the other side of town; I heard they buy the most over there. Mom tells me to take my bike. After(a) twenty-minute bike ride and knocking on over thirty doors, I (decided) I (would) try one more house. I (knocked) and (waited) patiently, no reply. I (knocked) again, too hard this time, and the door creaks open.
"Hello?" I yelled. (drop inside) No answer. I slowly take a step inside, curious as to why someone would leave their door partially open if they were not home. I (looked) around the room. Black walls are the first thing I notice. What kind of weirdo has black walls? Clothes, papers, and garbage line the floor and (are on the) furniture. A slight stench comes from the kitchen. It is the smell of food when you leave it out too long. I round the corner to see dishes piled high. They must be at least a week old! I go back (into) the living room, shocked that somebody could live like this. The faint sound of a buzzing TV comes from upstairs. I take a few steps forward and feel a wetness seeping through my sock. A puddle lies on the floor.
A sour smell stings my nose and I decide it is time to leave. Just as I am about to shut the door, I hear a slight groan from upstairs. Somebody is home! I need to make sure whoever is there is all right. I hesitantly walk up the stairs; once again calling out, only to not be answered. I take a deep breath and round the corner. A woman lays passed out on a couch. I recognize her instantly, my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Botts
I think you have a good story line here but you leave us without understanding. Why is the teacher on the floor?? You do not give us enough information to know these things. But that being said, you do have a good story line and you need to clean it up, plus tell us about the teacher. Is she drunk or is she hurt?? Keep on writing as it will all come to you.
This is a wonderful story. It is written very well and honest. I only have one comment; I would say "I witness a homecoming" I think it sounds natural. When you say "I ran into" it sounds like you were running into a crowd?? Anyway that is my only critique for this wonderful story.
What a way to weave a story. I really liked it and it is so true that rumors are started that way.
I didn't think you had to put a period after Miss. I have never seen it before that way. Only Mrs. or Ms. but not Miss. Just like when you address an envelope to a young boy and put Master john blah blah blah.
Anyway great story.
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but it was funny.