|This is a fabulous story. I like the way it starts, and you bring in the action gradually. I liked the way you brought in the turtle style of fighting. It was not clear though about covering her armor. Did you mean that she would withdraw into it? Also, I did not understand who was speaking in the paragraph that begins, "Yeah, laugh"
In the second part who did they hope would tell about an affair? In the paragraph that begins, "So go away, the verb tense is not agreeing. It should read, quickly turning.
When Mizar looked at her ... and pulled her.
I really liked the phrase "Oh for the Great Ancestors," I thought that was quite humorous.
The paragraph that begins Galaspiael had once (lain) beside her.
Look over the third part for mistakes. Make sure you add the quotation marks everywhere they need to be. Also, be sure to capitalize names.
Keep working on this. It's a good story, but still needs a lot of work.
Good luck with it.