Lovina's (lovina) Reviews

Lovina

Review Requests: ON

1,102 Public Reviews Given

1,180 Total Reviews Given

1

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#4745332

Review of Wile E Coyote and The Roadrunner

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Chrys O'Shea -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this piece because I needed to do some reviews for the Game of Thrones challenge, so I went to the "Please Review" page.

My opinion of said story/poem: Okay, I'm still laughing. This should have been done years ago. Wile E. Coyote was never the sharpest tool in the shed though.

You would think, after each and every failure, that he would have found somewhere else to get his equipment/toys. Or, at least, have Acme put them together for him, money appears to be no object after all.

I really enjoyed how you mixed in real-world items/people to advance the story. Especially the addition of the Home Depot, which not only makes a great replacement for equipment and such but the idea that they may be having a change of heart ties in nicely with the story.

I liked the addition of Judge Judy, but, I don't think you captured her essence. The verdict was short and concise, with not enough information as to the why she ruled the way she did. Such as, you could have said that the coyote has a long history of failure, whereas the Acme company does not. Or you could have presented an example of Wile E. not properly reading or following instructions. Pointing out either of those would have greatly increased the Judge's credibility.

Conclusion: I found no spelling errors to trip up the tongue. The action and descriptions helped the story move along at a good pace, keeping the reader interested until the end. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4745320

Review of A Friend or Not a Friend

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi PureSciPlus -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I needed to do some reviews for the Game of Thrones challenge so I went to the "Please Review" page.

My opinion of said story/poem: The premise is good. The setup is okay, but bogged down by too much detail. The delivery is drowning in excessive explanations.

You may want to refer to author Anton Chekov who famously said, "Don't tell me the moon is shining: show me the glint of light on broken glass." This quote refers to "showing" not "telling", allowing the story to ignite the readers' imagination, not to bore him with information.

I am not the person to help you with this, I fall into the same hole at times. A good place to start would be "Tales Shown, Not Told OLD FORMAT"

. Don't be afraid to ask for help, there are plenty of people there and elsewhere on Writing.com that would be more than willing to help.

The ending has a nice twist. The characters have some development, as with most minor characters. The two detectives need more character development to set them apart.

I found nothing else wrong with this little story. It has the potential to be a longer story, if you want to put in the work.
.
Conclusion: No spelling errors to trip the tongue. The action keeps moving forward, creating a good pace. Like I stated already, it has potential, it just needs some work.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4745027

Review of The Forever Dream

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi W.D.Wilcox -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and /or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because of the title and description, very intriguing.

My opinion of said story/poem: Where do I start? I liked it a lot, an unexpected little gem. Definitely not the direction I thought you were going though. It's more like a neverending nightmare instead of a forever dream.

The descriptions are great, making it feel as if you are there with him as he tries to escape and, ultimately, wake up.

There is one spot, when the raft began to fall apart and you "grouped heavily for the logs", dare I assume you meant "groped".

I know you probably had a word count limit, but, now that that time has passed, maybe you want to elaborate on the last two sentences. I'm curious as to why they would think making another raft to escape is a good idea, one they don't even discuss. And two, the last sentence could use some of those excellent descriptions in keeping with the rest of the story. Just a suggestion.

Conclusion: I found no spelling errors (besides the previously mentioned) to trip the tongue. The descriptions and action kept a good pace, keeping the reader attentive until the end. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4745024

Review of My Dearest Son

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi audra_branson -

This is a

FORUM

Game of Thrones

(13+)
Returning in April - Prep starts March 1st
#456789 by Gaby ~ Counting GoT Numbers

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because, having had a son in the military myself, I found the title intriguing.

My opinion of said story/poem: The letter has a very uplifting feel to it. I'm sure any son or daughter receiving such a letter would be thrilled, maybe just a bit disappointed at its length, but very happy with its content.

I found only one minor detail to correct: In the greeting, the comma between "son" and "Nathan" seems to be missing.

I like how you made the letter sound casual, as if you were actually sitting across from your son and just having a lovely conversation.

Conclusion: I really enjoyed your letter, it brought back memories of when my own son was doing his duty in a land far from home. The tone of the letter is uplifting and keeps to a positive note, which is important for those in the military stationed elsewhere.

I found no spelling errors to trip the tongue. The letter has a good mix of anecdotes and kudos to set the pace, keeping the reader interested until the end.

Did you have a son in the military? Your letter sounds/reads like you did. It could be you're just a great storyteller.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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5

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#4744951

Review of Murder On The Island of Curacao

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Keaton Foster -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because the title caught my attention as I was perusing your port.

My opinion of said story/poem: Great setup and delivery. There are only a few mistyped words I want you to know about -

In the second paragraph, you have "even through retirement", I think you meant "even though retirement".

In the sixth paragraph, you have "She from Tampa", you may want to insert an "is" in there.

When Detective Franco is sent to the airport, you have him searching the plan, I assume you meant "plane".

In the following paragraph you have "call me of the radio", you know what to do here.

And, just before the big discovery you have, "remains in the blood", you may want to change "in" to "is".

A lot of these types of typo's can be caught by reading your piece out loud. They are minor glitches, but they can cause the reader to have to stop and reread, which, in turn, disrupts the flow of the story.

Reading out loud will also help with those pesky commas. I have issues with those myself, so I feel your pain.

Conclusion: I did not see that one coming. I should have seen that, I usually see these things a mile away, but not this one. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4744383

Review of Game of Thrones and Dragon Chronicles

for entry "Door 21"

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Princess Megan Rose -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions of this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I was tagged, then, of course, I couldn't resist.

My opinion of said story/poem: It's quite an honor to be chosen out of Lady Megan's many subjects for inclusion in this story. Glad I could help to rescue Hortense and Alana (even though Alana chose to stay behind) and Angelique's dragon egg and I'm especially happy to have survived the battle.

I feel I must clarify, the man I knocked off his horse with my slingshot, is not one of the two that died.

Conclusion: A wonderfully fun and imaginative tale. I found no spelling errors to trip the tongue. The action sets a good pace for the story, keeping the reader interested until the end. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4742955

Review of ATTENDANCE SHEET

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jaeramee of the Free Folk -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review from House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity, and /or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular piece to review: I chose this particular piece because it was recommended to me by another Game of Thrones player.

My opinion of said piece: I love how you designed your port with a campus theme including an attendance sheet and a class schedule. Your class schedule is used to designate item locations in your port and the attendance sheet is used as a place for visitors to your little corner of WDC to sign in and say "Hi".

It's a unique concept and I enjoyed the tour.

As we all know, not everyone signs in when visiting, you may want to find a way to encourage them to do so.

I am surprised you don't have a "Dean's Office" selection. You could use it for your Game of Thrones items.

Conclusion I enjoyed your academia-style message forum, it is a nice change of pace from the usual fare.

Write On!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4742805

Review of TeaTotallyTime

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Jaeyne of the Free Fab Five -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review by House Martell.

The views and opinion on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because it was recommended by another Game of Thrones player.

My opinion of said story/poem: This is only my second word search I have ever done and reviewed on WDC. And, now, I realize that it is not an error of sorts: when you push the solve button, the puzzle does not actually get solved. That's just the way it is. Odd, their programing can solve a crossword but not a word search. It is always good to know these things, for when I decide to make my own word search.

The description of the puzzle is nice, succinct, and to the point. However, it could use some jazzing up. Increase the font, add some color, add some emoticons, something to make it more enticing. You want to draw people in, make them want to do your word search. Use all your story writing skills, sharpen those salesman skills, and make people somehow think that your word search is the most awesome thing happening.

Conclusion: Word searches are fun and provide many hours of entertainment. I'm not sure I, myself, can get behind one on the computer that you can't actually solve without printing it out.

Keep up the good work!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4742802

Review of Cure for the Common Coffee

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Aennaytte: Free & Wild in GoT -

THis is a "Game of Thrones"

review for House Martell.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity, and /or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because it was recommended to me by another Game of Thrones player.

My opinion of said story/poem: I like it. It's cute, it's fun, there's just a couple of things to hash out:

"Grinding, steaming, house filling aroma". I'm still trying to figure out how the coffee can be grinding and steaming at the same time. If you were roasting the beans then that might be a possibility, but then, you wouldn't be drinking it. I think maybe you want, "Freshly ground, steaming, house filling aroma". Then you can drink it! LOL

That editor cannot be very bright if he has no idea that those emails are not even being opened. {your email will tell you if your emails are being opened by the recipient, if you set it up correctly).

Conclusion: A wonderful little piece about following ones own heart, ones own dreams, and ignoring all nay sayers regardless of who they may be.

I enjoyed the little excerpt about the editor not using paper mail to inform the writer he needed to start using email, in other words, go paperless. It was a fun little commentary about modern times versus just twenty years ago.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4742121

Review of A Sudanese Century Plant’s Dream

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi debmiller1 -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this piece because I found the description intriguing.

My opinion of said story/poem: A little more explanation about why he wouldn't be able to return to America would be helpful. As a naturalized citizen, he has the right to return, unless, you are referring to the Sudanese government not allowing him to return. I don't know anything about the Sudanese government, so I won't even hazard a guess as to why he wouldn't be allowed to return after being granted a work visa.

Even though this is a work of fiction the whys and wherefores do matter.

I know there are usually word limits for these short pieces, but some small details usually enhance a story, giving it a more realistic feel.

Next is the century plant. I think I heard of a century plant once, somewhere. So, of course, I had to go look it up. Not only have I heard of them, I've seen them! I just didn't know their name. Thank you for that.

In the seventh paragraph you state "every century planted bloomed once", I think you wanted "every century plant bloomed once".

Conclusion: Your story contained no spelling errors making it easy to read and you kept a good pace making it a joy to read. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4742086

Review of A Lesson Learned

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Winchester Jones -

Please keep in mind this is an OPINION REVIEW, NOT a traditional review – no mandatory character count and no grammar check (whether you need it or not). These are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: A Lesson Learned, who could resist knowing what lesson?

My opinion of said story/poem: I think Eddie is the one that got pranked! A very sad tale for Eddie, but a cautionary one for everyone else.

Conclusion: I enjoyed your little story. There were no spelling errors to trip over and the pace carried the reader along. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741969

Review of Hiding Place

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi StephBee -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

and an anniversary review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I chose this particular piece because, between the title and the description, it sounded like it could be an action-packed adventure. You did not disappoint.

My opinion of said story/poem: Lots of action, lots of suspense, no spelling errors to interrupt the flow, just a wonderfully entertaining read.

I had to look up what a direwolf was and I was surprised to learn not only that it had been a real creature but, that it also was a part of Game of Thrones. I got talked into joining the GoT game, but I have never seen any of the movies or read any of the books the movies are based on. Of course, now I will have to, even if it's just to figure out what all the hype is about.

I got hung up on the word "dived" towards the end of the story, but, after looking it up I found that "dived" and "dove" can be used interchangeably.

Conclusion: I enjoyed your short tale, so much so, that I was hoping for more. That, and it left me with some nagging questions. Why did he scream? Did he make it and just get injured? Was the crevice big enough for the direwolf to fit?

My imagination does tend to wander off on its own sometimes. But, I do prefer to have the stories I read to be wrapped up with a bow at the end.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741425

Review of Lilli's All-Occasion C-Notes

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Lilith of House Martell -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular cNote shop: I chose this cNote Shop as part of a GoT (Game of Thrones) challenge.

My opinion of said cNote shop: Such a wonderful variety. You have everything from birthdays, to condolences, to get wells, and everything in between.

I'm going to have to go directly to the condolence notes. I just reviewed another shop and saw my first condolence notes (granted I don't send a lot of cNotes) and I stated in that review that they were the first I had seen. Too funny! Not the cards, obviously, just the coincidence. I do have to wonder though, is there really that much loss here, on WDC? That's very sad to consider.

On a happier "note", I really love your "Blessed be the Weirdos" note! How awesomely perfect! I can't wait to send that one off to someone.

I can't leave without commenting on the "In Celebration of World Kindness Day". There's a World Kindness Day?! Seriously?! You know, pretty soon every day on the calendar will be taken with some kind of celebration attached to it. Then what will we do? We will be too busy celebrating to get anything done.

Conclusion: I love your shop. I may have to start sending out some cNotes. Maybe, now that you can have fifteen cNotes in your shop, you could add some more obscure ones like your weirdos one, you know, fun and entertaining.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4741423

Review of Reflections c-Note Shop

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi LegendaryMask -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular cNote shop: I'm doing this review as part of a GoT (Game of Thrones) challenge.

My opinion of said cNote shop: Such a lovely variety, from birthdays, to anniversaries, to condolences, and everything in between.

The "To All Those Who Serve and Sacrifice for Your Country" is beautifully done and is my favorite. I'm sure there are other cNotes out there that celebrate our brave military, I just haven't seen them.

The "Happy Birthday to You!" with the turquoise cake is also very beautiful. I would love to be sitting there, outside, with that idyllic setting. The flowers look great and the cake looks yummy.

Then there are the condolence cards. Again, I don't recall seeing any other "sorry for your loss" type cNotes available. They are both very lovely, with soothing quotes, and heartfelt imagery they are sure to please.

Conclusion: I love your cNote shop. Everything looks like you took great care in making sure everything was just perfect for whichever occasion. The images are beautiful and the words are sincere. Well done!

Maybe you could add (now that you can have fifteen) a few friendship ones, you know, the "just because it's you" types.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4741420

Review of The Golden Heart C-Note Shop

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi GeminiGem -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: This for a "Game of Thrones"

challenge and because you reviewed mine, so I'm returning the favor.

My opinion of said cNote shop: So many shops to choose from! Between the Golden Hearts, the Happy Holidays, and the Birthday Wishes, I was hard-pressed. I chose this one because I thought the gold hearts were beautiful. Just when I thought I had a favorite I scrolled down and found a new favorite. They are all amazing.

The Happy Birthday one is particularly lovely with amazing scrollwork and animated sparkles.

The Welcome! note, with its 3D effect and flashing lights looks like you can just reach out and grab it. A nice gold heart-shaped pillow.

My third favorite is the Congratulations! note. There is so much bling on that thing It's sure to blind someone.

And then there's the You are Awesome! cNote. I have no idea how you got it to look like a shiny piece of metal, but I think you need to give me some pointers!

Conclusion: I love this shop. All of the cNotes here look very fancy and all that gold gives it a rich feel. You know you are thought well of if you get one of these. Now I'm wondering if we are going to be giving out cNotes for some GoT challenges! If so, I know where to go.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4741418

Review of Higher Courts: Part 1 Appearences

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Saurian200 -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. this is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: The description sounded interesting.

My opinion of said story/poem: An intriguing concept. Entities, known as Judges, punish people by rewriting their lives and even undoing the damage they had done. I can think of more than a few politicians I would like to see Judged these days.

If you could put spaces between each paragraph and increase the font size it would be much easier to read on the computer screen and greatly appreciated by those of us who have spent way too much time reading computer screens.

In the third paragraph, the last sentence appears to be missing a word. It reads "person was here to see" and should be "person he was here to see".

You didn't overly describe your main character which can be good, it gives the reader a chance to visualize. I see him as a bit frumpy, everyday-looking, with glasses. Allowing the reader room to create in their mind's eye is a sign of good writing. There is that fine line between too much detail and not enough detail.

Conclusion: I enjoyed your story and its imaginative plot. It's an easy read: no spelling errors, which usually means good editing practices, and some great descriptions.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#4741415

Review of It Comes In Threes

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Vicki Lynne -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I found the title very interesting as I too have always been told everything comes in threes, so much so, I find myself keeping track whenever something bad happens. So far, it always comes in threes.

My opinion of said story/poem: This is more of a memoir than a story, with a detailed sequence of events told in a matter-of-fact manner. This play-by-play type of writing left things a bit bland. There are a lot of exciting events taking place but you do not take advantage of this. It might help to think of it as another story. Add in some imagery: the weather, the landscape, smells, textures. A lot of descriptions in order to help the reader see and feel the events for themselves.

Also, you mention in your description that everything happens in threes, but it is only mentioned in passing in your work. Did you believe in the myth of threes prior to these events? Were you worried after the second vehicle mishap that there would be a third? Were you nervous that maybe it would be "the one"? You could put all of these feelings and anxieties into your piece to draw the reader in.

Conclusion: This is a well-thought-out, detailed, sequence of events that could be oh so much more.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741408

Review of Angel Warriors - HellBound: Section 1

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi AngelArchiver -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: As I was scrolling through your port I found that all of the entries were sections of the same story, so, I decided I should start at Section 1.

My opinion of said story/poem: First off, the title of this piece clearly states that it is Section 1 and there are no stories in your port before this one, but the authors note at the top states that this is part two. Dare I assume you decided not to offer up part one on writing.com, so you renamed part two as Section 1? If so, is part one now redundant? If everything important from the very first story has been integrated into the other parts then one is no longer necessary and part two is indeed now one.

Second, the second paragraph of the green edits has one typo: instead of "will not sent any" you probably wanted "will not send any".

As for my thoughts, I was a bit shocked at the direction you went with this. I had no idea where you were headed, highly unusual, and pleasantly surprised. I do enjoy a good twist in the story and you did not disappoint.

Conclusion: I truly enjoyed the read. I loved not having to deal with typos (good job on the editing) and I found myself thoroughly engrossed in the tale. Well done!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741399

Review of The Seventh Inning Stretch

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi KURT -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. this is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: A sports satire, how could anyone resist?

My opinion of said story/poem: A man, who seems to come from a long line of miscreants, alcoholic miscreants at that, gives in to the urge to run onto the game field. One would think there would not be much to say about this time-worn subject, but the author managed to bring it relevancy, all while making you want to cheer on the drunken lawbreaker.

All of the characters, including the fans, behave in a believable manner. There is no dialogue, but that does not take away from the story in any way.

There is not much being said about the players themselves, but there is a lot of railing against the establishment. This is all done in a manner that coincides with the lawbreaker's frame of mind that adds a touch of realism.

Conclusion: You may want to incorporate the idea of putting a space between paragraphs to make computer reading easier. And, for some of us that have been looking at computer screens for way too many years, a bigger font would be nice.

The piece is written well with a lot of imagery that keeps the story moving. I enjoyed the story even though I'm of the opinion the troublemaker should have gotten his due.

Thank you for the lively entertainment.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741357

Review of Snowflake

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi W.P. Gerace -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I do enjoy a good animal story.

My opinion of said story/poem: Interesting premise but it felt unfinished like the ending was rushed. Let's start at the beginning:

1. The last line of the third paragraph has the name "Any", I think you want "Andy".

2. Paragraph nine appears to have an extra word, which can easily happen when you decide to trade out one phrase for another. The sentence with "pretty too small" is the one you're looking for.

3. In the last paragraph you refer to Snowflake as "their". Throughout the rest of the story, your references to Snowflake have been "she", "her", and "it". You may want to decide which one you want to use, for uniformity's sake.

4. The reason I say it is unfinished is because there are too many unanswered questions. Such as: What happened to Andy? Is Roy dead? Etc.

Conclusion: This story has a great plot and a lot of promise for a much larger story. Again I think the ending was rushed and some pertinent details were forgotten. Maybe now that the contest is over, and those pesky word count limits are done with, you can expand the story. Possibly even answering some of those questions stated in the fourth bullet point above. I do like my stories wrapped up in a pretty bow at the end.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741308

Review of The Children of the Euphrates

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Scott Wilfred Hemsway -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: The title caught my attention and the description was intriguing.

My opinion of said story/poem: I can't say I understand this story, but I think it is intentionally so. It appears to be one of those tales that is meant to be abstruse (hopefully I'm using this word correctly) in its conveyance, but the meaning is much simpler. Such as, this story could just be about killing, cooking, and eating a chicken. (I'm probably really off base because I'm in way over my head here). Since this type of writing is not my forte I'm just going to comment on things I noticed that might or might not need attention.

1. I found it quite interesting that you wrote yourself into the story. I think that is supposed to say something about you or the story or both. Not sure why you have to keep reburying your brother though.

2. In the second paragraph, the last sentence has the priest placing something on his head and then washing it down with a swig of wine. I'm thinking this needs a little clarification since he probably isn't pouring wine on his head. Again, that may be exactly what he is meant to do, I'm only guessing.

Conclusion: You are probably wondering why I would do a review of a story I don't quite understand. It's because of your writing style. Not everyone can pull off using excessive descriptive words without losing the reader's attention. I really enjoyed the imagery. Every paragraph had a new and colorful scene to keep my attention. Even though I didn't fully comprehend your story, it was still a joy to read.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4741280

Review of The Children of the Euphrates

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Scott Wilfred Hemsway -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: The title caught my attention and the description was intriguing.

My opinion of said story/poem: I can't say I understand this story, but I think it is intentionally so. It appears to be one of those tales that is meant to be abstruse (hopefully I'm using this word correctly) in its conveyance, but the meaning is much simpler. Such as, this story could just be about killing, cooking, and eating a chicken. (I'm probably really off base because I'm in way over my head here). Since this type of writing is not my forte I'm just going to comment on things I noticed that might or might not need attention.

1. I found it quite interesting that you wrote yourself into the story. I think that is supposed to say something about you or the story or both. Not sure why you have to keep reburying your brother though.

2. In the second paragraph, the last sentence has the priest placing something on his head and then washing it down with a swig of wine. I'm thinking this needs a little clarification since he probably isn't pouring wine on his head. Again, that may be exactly what he is meant to do, I'm only guessing.

Conclusion: You are probably wondering why I would do a review of a story I don't quite understand. It's because of your writing style. Not everyone can pull off using excessive descriptive words without losing the reader's attention. I really enjoyed the imagery. Every paragraph had a new and colorful scene to keep my attention. Even though I didn't fully comprehend your story, it was still a joy to read.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4740841

Review of Throwing Rocks

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi FaeThorned -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I was scrolling through the "Newbies to Read" and the description for this story caught my attention.

My opinion of said story/poem: I enjoyed this story very much. Little Johnny is a believable character, well thought out, and he shows typical behavior for a child of that age (I'm thinking 10). There are just a couple of things I feel I should point out:

1. In paragraph 5: for some reason the phrase "to protect himself" seems awkward, maybe "for protection" would be less wieldly.

2. In paragraph 6: instead of lowering only one arm you may want to allow him to lower both arms, it'll be a lot easier for him to get down from his perch that way.

3. In paragraph 8: I know Johnny's feet are probably quite tough from constantly going barefoot in such an environment, but, wouldn't the dirt forming the crater be really hot just from the impact? I would think there would be some type of reaction to that kind of heat, even if it's just wanting to hurry because it's so bloody hot. I could be wrong on this, maybe the earth doesn't absorb the heat with the impact.

Conclusion: This is an enjoyable little story that has the potential to be turned into a much longer story if you so choose.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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#4740811

Review of The Bentleys: Chapter 1

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Lexi Silver -

Please keep in mind this is an OPINION REVIEW, NOT a traditional review – no mandatory character count and no grammar check (whether you need it or not). These are just my opinions and they carry only the weight you give them!

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I was intrigued by the description.

My opinion of said story/poem: So cute. I especially enjoyed the girls arguing, very good use of dialogue.

Conclusion: Excellent first chapter, can't wait to see more!

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

Your work was rated using the guidelines from:

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#4740766

Review of WHISPERS OF A GHOST: A HAUNTING TALE

Review by Lovina

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ifunanya -

This is a "Game of Thrones"

review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: The title, which turns out, isn't the title! Instead of "A Hunting Tale" I think it's supposed to be "A Haunting Tale". Still good, but the "Hunting Tale" was what intrigued me.

My opinion of said story/poem: The writing is good, had to get that out there before I get to the rest.

This reads like a story outline. With the chapter breaks and quick excerpts, it appears like it is meant to be a much bigger story.

In the second paragraph of chapter 2, you have a line about the whispers of a ghost and then you talk about voices. Shouldn't it be the whispers of ghosts, plural? You do the same thing in chapter 4, calling them a vengeful spirit and then lost souls. Singular then plural.

Lastly, ya roped me in then left me hanging! What happened? Why were they there? You can't just state there was unfinished business and not tell me what it was! I do hate stories that have no ending.

Conclusion: The writing is good, no spelling errors, but, no ending either. Just saying that Sarah broke the cycle and brought them peace does not conclude the story. The whys and wherefores need to be in there somewhere, otherwise, what's the point? The whys and hows are usually the most juicy bits of the tale.

It's a great start, keep going.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina

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#544247 by The StoryMistress

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