Hi1 I'm still trying to finish up the reviews i have to give u for winning Harleys Auction. Life keeps getting in the way LOL
So here it goes. I enjoy reading your poems. Your are with out a doubt one of the best I've run across on WDC. Each poem I've read has such tremendous feeling that i can't tell they come from your heart. This poem again is great. i found no errors. Keep sending us your great poems.
Lutz06
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Hi I'm giving this review on behalf of Chapter Recappers and Simply Positive. What can i say? Totally awesome poem, very well written and i couldn't have said it better myself. Awesome job Aralls. Keep up the great writing.
Lutzy
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Hi, I'm giving you another review, lol this is going to take awhile but well worth every word i have read so far. You write such beautiful poems. Each one has it's own story, it's own life and you have brought each piece to such beautiful living color. I could keep reading forever and i don't very often say that.
Hi I'm giving you this review because you won the highest bid in harley's auction. Since I'm particular to poems of this sort and/or stories i decided to start here. This was a great poem and so very true. Having a brother who served in Iraq this hit very close to home. And yes the families are often forgotten. I know this from personal experience.
This is a wonderful piece thank you so much for sharing it with us.
***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and feel free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing!***
PLOT; I thought the plot of the story was well thought out. It went at a reasonable pace not to fast not to slow it was very good. It kept the reader interested.
Description; the characters were very well described. the scese were great.
Characters seemed so reall the wrier did a very good job with bringing them to life.
Grammer; The story was well written, i did not find any errors in spelling or puncuation.
My over all very of this story. It kept my attention so much so that i continued reading until the very end of the 10 chapters.I can't wait to read more of this story as it continues. awesome job.
lutz06
This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and feel free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing!
Plot- Very well thought out plot. Although for me it moved a bit to quickly. I would fo liked to have seen just a bit moreiteraction between the two characters.
Discription- The description was well written. You described both characters very well. His thoughts and what she was doing were well described.
Character description- again both characters were well described.
Dialogue and grammar - I found no errors.
From my point of view- This is a very well written short story. If more was added to the story i would definately continue reading. Keep up the good work and write on . Wonderful job. Lutz06
Hi! I am giving this review on behalf of Chapter Recappers and Simply Positve. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story. I very much enjoyed reading it. It's not often i find a piece that holds my attention until the very end and this one did. I was a wonderful read full of the wonderful things we learn in life and making friends out of the ones we least expect. A great write and would love to read more of your work so i am adding you to my fanorites list. Keep up the great writing and good luck.
Hi! My name is Laurie and i am giving this review on behalf of Simply positive and CRC. first off i'd like to say thanks so much for sharing this poem with WDC. I have one word to describe it AWESOME!!!! It's a heart felt piece and was a great read. I have no suggestions for change as i thought and this is my opinion it was perfect. Thanks again for sharing keep up the great writing.
Hi! My name is Laurie and i am giving this reveiw on behalf of Simply Positive and CRC. first off i'd like to thank you for sharing this poem with us,I really enjoyed reading it. the flow of piece was wonderful. Not many people are good at writing poetry but you seem to have a natural ability to write it. I myself am not a poet but do try.sometimes to no avail. so in saying this was very good and keep up the great writing.
Hi! My name is Laurie and I am giving this review on behalf of Simply Positive and CRC.
First off I want to thank you for posting the short story. It was a wonderful piece, and well worth the read/ It's always nice when we can look back on times gone bye and wonder what if this or what if that. One this is for certian we can not change the past but we can always look into the future.
Again nice work. A friend of mine recently said that as writers we hope that when we die our words will be remembered and this is a very memorable piece. Thank you aralls for posting it. And tell you father thank you for sharing.
Hi! Laurie again doing anothe simply positive and CRC reveiw. Again this is a wonderful piece about our soldiers giving up thier lives for our freedom and the freedom of other. I enjoy reading pieces like this. and i have read many on here that have made me shed a tear or two. And your stories are no different. I am giving this a 5 star on merit alone. the only suggetion i have is in the short description poem is miss spelled. LOL not being nit picky am I? lol anyway great writing. Hope to see more soon.
Hi! My name is Laurie and i am giving this review as a Simply Positive and CRC group memeber. First off I'd Like to to say BRAVO! I couldn't have said it better myself. Being ex-military and the sister of an IRAQI war vet this really hit close to home. My brother severed one tour the first year of the war and is now disabled because of it. These soldiers give up their families and their friends to fight for our freedom and that of others and a lot of people just don't give them the credit they deserve. So again this is a wonderful piece and i will be sending the link to my fellow writers for review as many on here have sons, daughters, mothers and fathers over in Iraq now and would love to hear this from an average citizens point of view. So in parting I would like to thank you for sharing and good luck in your writing. I can't wait to read more.
Hi, My name is laurie and i am giving you this review as a simply positive review member. first off thanks for sharing your limerick with us. I usually don't rate and review these but this one caught my eye so had to do it. To be honest i wouldn't change a thing i loved it just the way it was. So in closing i have no suggestions for this, all i can say is good luck in your writing and keep up the great work.
Hi My name is laurie and I am giving this review to you as a simply positive reveiw memeber. First off i would like to thank you for sharing your work with us. Secondly and suggestions made in this review are simply that and mine alone.
with that in mind these are my suggestions. A in reading this i see very little puncuation. You might want to try something like this.
A thousand futile screams for mercy fill the air (comma after air)
and only too soon ( take out the and)
are they silenced forever (comma after forever)
as an army of destuction (capitalize the A) (comma after destruction)
detroys so many
without any sign of relenting (period after relenting)
smoke chokes out any survivors (capitalize smokes) (comma after survivours)
as undiscovered miracles
are buried, never to rise again (period after again)
An area once bountiful with life (comma after life)
is now a deadzone (comma after deadzone)
repulsive to the eye (Period after eye)
But a single rebel
rises once again (Comma after again)
to strike out against
this death (period after death)
in hopes of forever stopping (capitalize In)
this cataclysmic catastrophe,
this mass genocide,
this abomination,
we call,
Deforestation
Again these aonly suggestions so take them with a grain of salt. this was a very good poem. with just a touch of rework it could be a great poem. Good luck to you and write on as in our words we will be remembered for a lifetime.
hi, my name is Laurie and i am giving this review as a simply positive review memeber. First off i'd like to say thank you for sharing this with us. Keep in mind that any suggestion are strictly my opinion and mine alone.
This is a very nice start to what could be an awesome story. I love the description, very vivid. well done. You had asked in chat for some feedback on dialouge so here goes take it or leave it.
Here goes these are my suggestions and as you write this story, will more than likely be given hundreds more.
The morning sun rose steadily over the mountian tops, filling the Autumn leaves with color and consuming Storia in a fiery shadow of ruby and topaz. The rusty old church bell rang somewhat dully this morning, though the sound still managed to travel across town, through Samuels window and, as it does every Sunday morning, awake him entirely too early.
"Mother!" he shouted as he rolled out of bed, "If God really loved us, wouldn't he let us sleep until noon?"
His mother let out a sigh,and after some thought replied, "You know Samuel, Mr. Normans' daughter's gunna be there today. She's a very pretty girl and I'd bet if you'd....."
"Ew momma!" he shouted in disgust, crinkling his nose in protest.
These are my suggestions, the double spacing because it makes it easier for the reader to read. other than that the puncuations and spelling look very good. Nice job, and remember that the words we write today will be in the memories of others for a lifetime. Great job and write on.
Hi, my name is Laurie and i am giving this reveiw on behalf of simply positive. if off thank you for sharing your work with us. Secondly any suggestions that i give are just that and they are my opinion alone. So tke them as you will.
First off this is an interesting piece about the feeling of being lost. i enjoyed reading it. but on that note the word (ain't) takes away from the piece. My advise and remember this is only my opinion, is to use a word more like isn't.
first line (Ther isn't any one) would sound better. other than that puncuation and spelling look good. but again keep in mind that this is just my opinion. thanks again for sharing with us.. good luck and write on.
Hi, my name is Laurie and i am giving this reveiw on behalf of simply positive group. i would like to thank you for sharing this short poem with us. The suggestions i am about to make are my opinion alone and you can take them as you will.
I would like to see a bit more in this poem. More description, more emotion. it doesn't leave much to the imagination which given a bit of rework it could/would be a great piece. I'm giving this a rating of 3.5 on merit and effort, I would enjoy reading more of your items when you post them. Again thanks for sharing and keep on writing as it is a dream to many and in our writing we will always be remembered.
Hi, I'm giving this reveiw on behalf of simply positive group. First off I'd like to say thank you for sharing this piece with us. Secondly I'd like to say thank you for sharing this piece with us. Thirdly I'm going to give you some suggestions and you can take them or leave them as they are only my opinion.
First i would change the rating to 18+ because of the content. Third line says it should be with a comma after the me. Second to the last line(holds) should be (hold) thats all i have for this piece with a bit of rework it can be a very good piece. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Hi my name is Laurie and I'm giving this review on behalf of simply positive group memeber. First off I'd like to say thank you for sharing this with us. This is amotional piece and very descriptive. These are poems i enjoy reading ones that are full of emotion. I have nothing bad to say about this work. It was great. Keep writing and good luck and best wishes.
Hi my name is Laurie and I am giving this review as a simply positive group memeber. Very, Very nicey done. I loved this poem it really strikes a cord with the reader. As my children were also abused by their father it hits very close to home for me. i so enjoy reading your poems you have gained a fan. Very well done. Keep up the good work. I do however have on comment about the third line (It should be It's or It is) thats all. Have a great day . Write on!!!
Hi! I'm giving this review as a simply postive review memeber. First off I'd like to say thank you for sharing this piece with us. Very nice. This poem showed a lot of emotion which i adore in poetry although i don't write much of it myself. I have a few suggests that you may take or leave as these are only my opinion. I see very little puncuation. maybe try adding commas to end of lines so they don't seems as if they are running together. Really that is the only suggestion i have. Will be reading and reviewing more of your work soon. Keep writing it's wonderful. Good luck.
Hi I am giving this review as a simply positive memeber. I have to say that as a writer of vampire romance and supernatrual romance this piece was awesome. Very detailed, Made me feel as if i was part of the story you were telling. which in itself sometimes is hard for a writer to accomplish. I'm giving this piece a 5 star which for me is not made lightly. I can't wait to rade your port to see what else you have writen. Thanks for sharing this piece.
lutz06
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