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Review of Humor (sort of)  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Pirate of The Broken Mast

*Reading* Overall Impression: Great way to introduce your humorous poetry

*Reading* Technical Errors: "I hope the have some, a tinyiest speck, of comedic value." This sentence doesn't read well.

*Reading* Areas of Improvement: May want to add some emoticons or ML's to color this up a bit and make it more inviting

*Reading* My Likes and Dislikes: Nothing to dislike, I like your attempt at a joke in the end (but you don't need to point it out)

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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Pirate of The Broken Mast

*Reading* Overall Impression: A wonderful piece filled with raw emotion. Honest.

*Reading* Technical Errors: None that I could see

*Reading* Areas of Improvement: I wouldn't change this at all, it's wonderful the way it is.

*Reading* My Likes and Dislikes: The opening line "This sucks." Sounds very juvenile to begin with, but then quickly becomes apparent as you read on.

Keep writing!

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Review of Summer Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A perfectly executed haiku.
Syllable count is correct.
Haiku's are supposed to be about nature, and this is about frogs.
Besides that fact that it is very cute.

I can just picture those little tadpoles swimming around in those moss green ponds.

Keep writing!
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Review of The Day I Grew Up  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is so sad. I can't imagine this happening to me or being the one to send my children away. I hope things went better later on.

A small confusion between the first two stanzas,I had to read this part twice, At first I thought that you were describing the teddy bear.

Get us ready to go
Even my teddy bear

I can never forget him
He had white hair


Small typo here, if your interested-

*I can never forget you mom
(Mom)

Keep writing
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Review of My Honey  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
So very cute!

I've never seen this type of poetry (that I know of), but you seem to have used it well. Your rhyming is consistant and not forced, keeping the flow comfortable.

Did you actually meet your husband on the internet?
If so, good for you!

Keep writing!
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Review of Wolf Hunt  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh my gosh!
This was so much harder than it looked.

How did you find so many translations for the word, wolf? Are they all in the dictionary? I've never hear of most of these.

Nice job. I'll admit, I couldn't find them all. I cheated.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A very powerful statement

I only wish that I could hear the music that would go with this.

It's so hard to know if the flow is correct, or if it needs more or less. As a poem it reads a bit choppy, but as lyrics, I don't know.

Your words are very powerful, as I said. You definately make a point here.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sadly beautiful.

This sounds so much like the letter that I wrote to my first dog Tramp. We loved him so much that it was hard to think of ever getting another. Then when we finally did, we were hit hard by her tragic death,
 Juliet Aurora Open in new Window. (E)
My beloved little puppy who will never leave my side.
#937050 by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
. You would think that would have been enough. Now we have 2. Border Collie/Australian Shepard mixed, brother and sister!

No typos

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Short, sweet and directly to the point!

I know how this feels, starting at a computer screen all day. Sometimes the only thing that will wake me up is chocolate. Not coffee, not a walk, nothing except creamy, smooth, slightly bitter, dark chocolate!

No typos, but you might want to change "cat's eyelids" to "her eyelids". It took me reading it twice, to get the first sentence.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very open and honest, fresh look at the star rating system here on Writing.com.

Each star layer is broken down and given a positive spin, even the final one star. My suggestion would be to brighten this up with ML's and use the actual stars instead of the words.

Nice work,
Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
An incredibly helpful article of the importance of constructive reviewing.

The article is laid out in a very agreeable fashion that delivers information, but is not boring. Addition of linked article helps to deliver added credibility.
The form of the article is comfortable and reads easily on the computer screen.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very helpful look at a little used form of poetry in the United States.

Your history of the poetic form was interesting in setting up the actual style of writing and why it doesn't translate well to English.

Adding links to some examples of this type of poetry was an added plus.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was really good!

I realize that you had to keep it under 650 words, so I won't ask why you didn't go into more depth. Maybe you could copy it into another file and really go to town on it. Maybe even expand on some of those descriptions. (Eerrie!)

I wouls suggest that you add a bit more punctuation to the piece, it feels as if you might be missing a comma here and there.

A couple of typos, if you're interested.

*The broken bulbs in the light fittings suddenly began to flicker in to life, (into)

*items he was sure [wasn’t](weren't) there when he first entered.

Keep writing!
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Review of "I Am Here"  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very interesting and thought provoking story.

Your details of the situation are well written and layed out in such a way, to pull the reader in and get them to "your side". Well done.

One typo-

*“But("), I protested, “I didn’t even know there was going to be a staff meeting..”

Good luck and keep looking for the messages. They are all around you.

Keep writing!
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Review of Forever Thirst  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A very dark and desolute picture is painted here.

I can picture this lost soul wandering around searching for something, but not knowing exactly what for.

I would suggest, though, that you might want to add some punctuation to the piece. I read this through twice and found myself pausing at the same places, but not necessarily at the end of a sentence.

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
You're absolutely correct-
that was very short.

You might want to add some punctuation to the piece, you do start out with it capitalized.

typo-
*This is a very shot poem
short? maybe a better sounding title would be more efective

Keep writing
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting outlook on a difficult subject. You might also me interested in reading
"In Defense of Anonymous Reviewers" by ♥Kim-Marie♥
It is a very truthful piece on why she chooses to sometimes review in the "anonymous".

I have also found this style of reviewing to be hostile, and refrain from doing it myself.

Nicely written piece, keep writing!
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Review of Fairies  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ok, I'm laughing. But I don't think that the prompt of "fairies" implied the outcome here.

Very well done on the rictameter form as well. And the choice of color also adds a bit of devish fun too!

Nice work all around, I absolutely have to give you five stars here. Quite clever all around!
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Review of Farewells  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Having never written in this form of poetry, I am intrigued.

I really liked this exchange resulting from a simple good-bye. Trying to make sense of the reasons in restricted syllables.

I think that this is my favorite lines
sudden stops at mid-sentences,
as if we notice we are now naked.


Nice work,
Keep writing!
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Review of Perfect Pregnancy  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very interesting out look on this particular subject.

It sounds like you are very close to term and cannot wait to the end. Good luck to you. The only thing is, in your description you mention that you will be talking about the change on a woman's life. I really didn't see this. Maybe you could go back and extand upon this after the baby is born- if you can find the time!

Good luck
and Keep writing!
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Review of I am like...  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Knowing the where and why this poem occured, I have on inside to your thoughts, I think.

I like the reference to the game of telephone-
people repeating a message, but changing it also to fit their needs, like gossip.

One suggestion in wording-

*spin in minds in so many directions-
(maybe spun?)

Good luck in your writing,
and don't stop!
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Review of What's Wrong  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
How very true.

How often we are asked that question. Do the people asking, really care? I know that I've found myself no longer asking, if I don't have the time to listen to the answer.

One typo, if your interested-

*"Dear, what's wrong with you["?](?")

Keep writing!
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Review of The Visit  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Such a heart-wrenching story. The descriptions you've written pull your reader right in and drag us along with you, through your sad life.

I like this line:
You were somehow still ruggedly handsome, even as the dignity leaked from you onto the sidewalk at your feet.

A couple of typos, if your interested-

*I was such a light sleeper, every creak and moan forcing my tiny lids open long before those of mom’s.
(capitalize Mom's)

*I don’t remember if the record player was actually on that night or if that was just my way of forcing mom to come to accept what I had grown so accustomed to.
(capitalize Mom)

You might also want to open this piece up, format wise. It's a little hard to read on the monitor in this format.

Keep writing!
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Review of The Untitled Love  Open in new Window.
Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
It is obvious that there is a lot of secret emotions here. Sounds like friendship as turn to love, but only one of you has admitted it.
Nicely done.

Did find a few typos.
Though I'd send them along-

*I can't help thinking that were meant to be.
(we're)

*Love has taken me(,)

*How about you[.](?)

*Do you feel it too[.](?)

Keep writing!
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Review by MandiK~ : p Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very inspiring story.

I can feel your pain at not recooperating at a faster pace. But as I was reading this, my focus was not on Christmas, but instead your son. He seemed to be your inspiration to try and your cheerleader when you succeeded. This may have all started at Christmas, but I'm sure, if you think about it, he was the reason that you tried as hard as you did to recover quickly.

One question here-
*I call it my d-anger zone. (and in the next sentence as well.)
Why do you have an apostrophe here?

Wonderful story!
Keep writing!
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