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Pirate of The Broken Mast
Overall Impression: A very sweet, beautiful poem written to commemorate the road to adulthood.
Technical Errors: fifth line down shines?
Areas of Improvement: hard to tell in the poem if this was written for a son or daughter, we only have that information in the description. Maybe you could incorporate another stanza with this information?
My Likes and Dislikes: Obviously this was written with a lot of love, it shows through.
A perfectly executed haiku.
Syllable count is correct.
Haiku's are supposed to be about nature, and this is about frogs.
Besides that fact that it is very cute.
I can just picture those little tadpoles swimming around in those moss green ponds.
Keep writing!
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I've never seen this type of poetry (that I know of), but you seem to have used it well. Your rhyming is consistant and not forced, keeping the flow comfortable.
Did you actually meet your husband on the internet?
If so, good for you!
This sounds so much like the letter that I wrote to my first dog Tramp. We loved him so much that it was hard to think of ever getting another. Then when we finally did, we were hit hard by her tragic death,
I know how this feels, starting at a computer screen all day. Sometimes the only thing that will wake me up is chocolate. Not coffee, not a walk, nothing except creamy, smooth, slightly bitter, dark chocolate!
No typos, but you might want to change "cat's eyelids" to "her eyelids". It took me reading it twice, to get the first sentence.
A very open and honest, fresh look at the star rating system here on Writing.com.
Each star layer is broken down and given a positive spin, even the final one star. My suggestion would be to brighten this up with ML's and use the actual stars instead of the words.
An incredibly helpful article of the importance of constructive reviewing.
The article is laid out in a very agreeable fashion that delivers information, but is not boring. Addition of linked article helps to deliver added credibility.
The form of the article is comfortable and reads easily on the computer screen.
I realize that you had to keep it under 650 words, so I won't ask why you didn't go into more depth. Maybe you could copy it into another file and really go to town on it. Maybe even expand on some of those descriptions. (Eerrie!)
I wouls suggest that you add a bit more punctuation to the piece, it feels as if you might be missing a comma here and there.
A couple of typos, if you're interested.
*The broken bulbs in the light fittings suddenly began to flicker in to life, (into)
*items he was sure [wasn’t](weren't) there when he first entered.
I can picture this lost soul wandering around searching for something, but not knowing exactly what for.
I would suggest, though, that you might want to add some punctuation to the piece. I read this through twice and found myself pausing at the same places, but not necessarily at the end of a sentence.
An interesting outlook on a difficult subject. You might also me interested in reading
"In Defense of Anonymous Reviewers" by ♥Kim-Marie♥
It is a very truthful piece on why she chooses to sometimes review in the "anonymous".
I have also found this style of reviewing to be hostile, and refrain from doing it myself.
A very interesting out look on this particular subject.
It sounds like you are very close to term and cannot wait to the end. Good luck to you. The only thing is, in your description you mention that you will be talking about the change on a woman's life. I really didn't see this. Maybe you could go back and extand upon this after the baby is born- if you can find the time!
How often we are asked that question. Do the people asking, really care? I know that I've found myself no longer asking, if I don't have the time to listen to the answer.
Such a heart-wrenching story. The descriptions you've written pull your reader right in and drag us along with you, through your sad life.
I like this line:
You were somehow still ruggedly handsome, even as the dignity leaked from you onto the sidewalk at your feet.
A couple of typos, if your interested-
*I was such a light sleeper, every creak and moan forcing my tiny lids open long before those of mom’s.
(capitalize Mom's)
*I don’t remember if the record player was actually on that night or if that was just my way of forcing mom to come to accept what I had grown so accustomed to.
(capitalize Mom)
You might also want to open this piece up, format wise. It's a little hard to read on the monitor in this format.
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Overall Impression: A very sweet, beautiful poem written to commemorate the road to adulthood.
