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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marphilhearts
Review Requests: OFF
514 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I always try to be encouraging. I will be honest, though, with kindness. I will try to present examples of what worked, and what didn't work, and help you in any way I can. I graduated from the Dynamic Reviewing class. I am an Alumni in The Art of Criticism Project.
I'm good at...
Poetry, short fiction, and articles
Favorite Genres
Romance, Christian Romance, light mystery or thrillers, psychology, Christian non-fiction
Least Favorite Genres
horror, war, gay/lesbian, erotica, adult, intense mystery/thrillers
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, books, devotional type items
Least Favorite Item Types
Long books
I will not review...
anything that is GC or higher, or anything containing the F-bomb or GD. Mild cursing is okay.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ... Next
1
1
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile*
I'm Marci Missing Everyone . I am reviewing your piece as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

*Anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest out to the writing pixies for use another day. *Fairyr*

*BulletP* What I liked

*BulletB* What needs work

*BulletBr* What I learned about your character

*BulletO* Final Notes

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Memorial  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! *Smile*
I'm Marci Missing Everyone . I am reviewing your piece as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

*Anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest out to the writing pixies for use another day. *Fairyr*

*BulletP* What I liked

*BulletB* What I don't like

*BulletBr* What I learned about your character

*BulletO* Final Notes

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Gus  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello! *Smile*
I'm Marci Missing Everyone . I am reviewing your piece as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

*Anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest out to the writing pixies for use another day. *Fairyr*

*BulletP* What I liked

*BulletB* What I don't like

*BulletO* Final Notes

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Monty's Halloween  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile*
I'm Marci Missing Everyone . I am reviewing your piece as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

*Anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest out to the writing pixies for use another day. *Fairyr*

*BulletP* What I liked

*BulletB* What I don't like

*BulletR* Grammar/Punctuation

*BulletO* Final Notes

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of The Runaway  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello! *Smile*
I'm Marci Missing Everyone . I am reviewing your piece as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

*Anything I say is just my humble opinion. Use whatever you can and send the rest out to the writing pixies for use another day. *Fairyr*

*BulletP* What I liked

*BulletB* What I don't like

*BulletBr* What I learned about your character

*BulletR* Grammar/Punctuation

*BulletO* Final Notes

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with Hook to Book Group and Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear applicant,

I'm here with some feedback on your blurb from "Invalid Item. Please remember this isn't notice of whether you made it to Round One or not. This is just a few notes I made.

*Fishb* I thought the blurb was well thought out and didn't contain any errors.
*Seahorseb* All judges liked your piece really well.
*Scallopb* We loved the originality and creativity with this piece.
*Fishb* I would be very excited to read this book, and I'm not a big SciFi fan.
*Seahorseb* The reason your book wasn't chosen to continue was because we didn't feel it fit the Law Enforcement theme.

I really hope you'll save this for next round. I promise the theme will fit this plot!

Everything I said was just an opinion, but it will help you to know what agents and editors are looking for in the future.

Sincerely,
Marci

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2045412 by Not Available.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Nobody's Son  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent. Wishing you a Happy Birthday!!!

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The award caught my attention right away, and then I read the title and brief description. Both compelled me further into your piece, and I'm glad they did. No wonder Sally gave you such a beautiful ribbon!!!

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - Wow! What a rough way to grow up! Stories like this break my heart completely. We can't always assume the poetry is about the writer, but in this case, I have a feeling it is. And I have to say, you've come a long way from that point in time.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free verse poem that flows extremely well. Later, I'll point out more in-depth analysis, but the use of rhyming and assonance through the piece really add to easy meandering through the thoughts of this poem. Interesting rhymes: within/discipline and superintendent/irreverent.

*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - Since this poem is so long, I can't point out all instances of every poetic device, but I will point out some of the examples that caught my attention the most.

Alliteration: look/left, harder/having/hope, forgotten/form, bubble/bust, and leave/light.
Assonance: parental/consent/concept
Interline Rhymes: fighting/fight/sight and separate/dilate/saved/fate.

*Shield7* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

But these days aren't the same as always.
Fight off regret so I don't forget
but I was no accident.
So what if I was unplanned?
That never meant I had to be so damned.
Through life experiences I have risen smarter


*Castleleft* Suggestions - When you are doing formal writing like a poem, you should write out the number's word instead of writing the actual number. ie: 17, 14, 4th, 31st, 41, and 23.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Cricket Choir  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The Cricket Choir is something is something I'm very familiar with. Unfortunately, they often sing at night when I'm trying to sleep! *Laugh* Okay, but I know that your choir is something else here. The poem is serene and lovely!

Title: Awesome!
Brief Description: The brief description should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item.
Image: I love the peaceful image you've provided!
Rating: Perfect!
Genres: Great choices!

*Castleleft* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is my first dealings with the Anacreontic verse. I love all these amazing new forms you introduce. I really like this particular form. It's fun to read, and I'm sure fun to write. It flows well with no problems tripping over any words or lines.

*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively -

Alliteration: rocking/rhythm/wriggle, wavy/wormy, blistering/blaze, sultry/sunset, fireflies/flicker/float, cricket/choir, and serenades/soul
Assonance: rhythm/wriggle, until/suns, fragrant/shade/terrain, crawls/across, sultry/sunset/blush, and night/sky
Consonance: wicker/rocking

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

Imbibing in
sultry sunset blush,
fireflies flicker, float
and mingle among
stars that dance
in night sky,


Thank you for allowing me to take a peek into your poetic mind!

PS... I meant to give your last review 4.5 stars. Sorry about that. Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Surfer Dude  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

It's Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - Well, since you have taught quite a bit about what I know about poetry, I feel a bit funny reviewing your work. But I got your name by the luck of the draw, and I love reading your poetry, so we'll have fun together. Hopefully, this review will be read by others and maybe they can learn something new!

Title: Awesome title! Since I know you're from the low country, I definitely thought this was going in a different direction. That is until I saw the image. Oh well... fun anyway!
Brief Description: The brief description should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item. And if you want to include the form or other information you can put it at the bottom of the piece. I like to use a dropnote.
Image: Great image!
Rating: Either E or ASR will work here.
Genres: Good picks!

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - OH my goodness! This surfer dude is a bad dude! You know, I hate thieves, and cyber-thieves are the worst. (On a side note, this past school year, someone hijacked a local school's computers, and they had to pay a ransom to be able to get back in. I think that is the WORST!) This is right up my alley, though. My most recent novel was about the cyber-crimes division of the FBI. These are the crimes of the present and future.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - You've stated that it's a Pantoum. I read up on it, and no surprise, you have followed it perfectly! I like poems with repeating parts. As you already know, it's important to choose areas that require the repetition for emphasis. And, I believe you have done that well.

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

cruising through cyberspace
behind a clever pseudonym
out on open marketplace
to satisfy my every whim.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - These are the things that cause a reader to click through to read your piece.

Title: I LOVE the title!!!
Brief Description: Great job!
Image: I would love to see an image here. This helps to draw more readers.
Rating: Perfect
Genres: Excellent choices

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I really loved everything about this poem. I love the vocabulary used, the topic of Christmas and how it's about more than commercialism.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free verse poem with lovely flow. I didn't trip over any lines or words.

*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - Great job with the alliteration!

Alliteration: Christmas/comes, folly/frenzied, baubles/bows, glitz/glimmering, down/deep, family/friends, presents/presence, connections/closer, and nothing/need.
Assonance: comes/once
Consonance: essence/season
Repetition for Emphasis: "let" in the final verse

*CastleLeft* Grammar/Punctuation - I think in this line, "The presence of presence" the first "presence" should be "presents".

*Shield7* Favorite Lines/Stanzas - This is the best advice we can give anyone at Christmastime!

But stop a moment
Take a breath
And listen with your heart.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - These are the things that cause a reader to click through to read your piece.

Title: Well, it's July and when I saw your title, I thought why not. Christmas in July!
Brief Description: May I suggest this for your description? "A description of anticipation and surprise."
Image: The one thing that would improve your cover is an image.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - How fun is it to anticipate our gifts at Christmas? Sometimes I think it is better than the actual gift! But you describe it wonderfully. We always shake and feel and measure while trying to guess. I liked this poem very much. I wonder if you might use some more descriptive words. The first metaphor doesn't strike me as a Christmas time phrase.

Anticipation curls around us
Like a light breeze on a humid day


Pleasant relief that begs for more
We gather around the Christmas tree


Think about excitement and what might curl around you at Christmas. And other things that go with that time. Use other senses such as scent, sound, taste, and touch. How about this?

Anticipation curls around us
like smoke from Santa's pipe


Delighted scent of peppermint entices
We gather around the Christmas tree


I am by no means trying to rewrite your poem for you. These are only my thoughts and suggestions. I would love for you to come up with your own ideas.

*Shield2* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - These are the things that create that poetic feel in the writing.

Alliteration: wide/wonder and slowly/savor
Assonance: eyes/wide, wrapped/flashy, glittery/silken, and gather/handed.
Repetition for Emphasis:
Interline Rhymes: making/shaking and alights/delight
Simile: "And anticipation is stretched to a fine wire"

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas - Great descriptions. I like pretty much the rest of the poem as well.

But all is held in secret
Wrapped in glittering paper
And flashy silken bows


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Rain  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The introduction serves as the book cover that causes a reader to click through to read your piece.

Title: Rain is simple and probably used quite a bit. Though there is nothing wrong with it, maybe think about choosing titles that set your poem apart.
Brief Description: Good description
Image: Beautiful image.
Ratings: Your rating is correct.
Genres: You should add a third option in order to draw readers to your piece through searches. You could add the category "emotional."

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - Quite interesting how differently we think about things when love is introduced to our lives. I've always loved the rain with the rolling thunder in the background. I sleep my absolute best during that time because it's so peaceful.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free verse that flows nicely. I didn't notice anything that tripped me up, except for the grammatical things mentioned below.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - I've already given my grammar lecture once, but here it is again. When writing poetry, the only time you need to capitalize the beginning word of a line is if it’s the first word of a sentence. You also need to follow the standard rules of punctuation. If you want to control the way a poem is read, you can use commas and semi-colons for soft stops and periods for hard stops. In free verse, you can use line breaks to control how a poem is read.

*Shield2* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

Now just thinking of you
Sitting quietly
Watching the world fall into place


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of The Lovers Dance  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The introduction serves as the book cover that causes a reader to click through to read your piece.

Title: I love the title! It drew me in as I love reading poetry about love and romance.
Brief Description: A great use of this space!
Image: Your image choice is absolutely beautiful.
Ratings: This definitely falls within the specified
Genres: Make sure you use all three options for your genre. This will help your piece show up in more searches. After all, the goal is to get readers to click through.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - Wow! I need to fan myself off a little here. *Shock* The vocabulary matches the mood of the poem. There are some observations I'd like to make. In a few places, the wording could change slightly, but it's minor. I'll note that more below.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free verse poem. It seems that each thought has its own line, and that is fine. Sometimes it's fun to break them up a little more to slow things down and create added tension. I also noted where you might need to make some wording changes.

At the beginning of the poem, you list the title and then add a space. So the title is not part of the poem. Yet the poem begins "one without music". I feel like it should begin as "A dance without music". As much repetition as you use in the poem, this would begin the poem in a stronger way. So it would look like this:

A dance without music
A dance to the beat of the heart


This line would be stronger without "so" included.

A love so true and so pure

See these two lines together and see how they sound with "out" crossed out.

Music in your head
Pounding out in your hearts


I'd like to recommend using thesaurus.com and rhymezone.com as tools for finding the perfect words. For the following couplet, I looked up words to make the meaning stronger. "So" is considered a filler word, and you should try to avoid it whenever possible.

A rhythm so true unfeigned
A rhythm so slow slow-moving

When using repetition, try to keep a similar pattern.

Closer and closer the minds will grow
Closer and closer the souls grow
Closer and closer the hearts grow together
The bodies of the lovers growing hotter and hotter


Again, be careful to make the lines strong. Sometimes less is more.

To a lovers dance for you and him.

*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - I won't take time to give you examples, but the strongest device you've used is repetition. Great, great job with this. I loved this poem. Only slight changes will tighten up the writing and strengthen the poem. Let me know if you'd like me to look at it again.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of For Shaina  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent. Happy Anniversary!!!

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction -

Title: With the title, I know immediately you've dedicated this to someone special. So nice!
Brief Description: You did great using this feature. It makes me want to know more.
Image: I love the image. As of yet, I don't know what the poem is about, but I'm eager to find out. (On a side note, I see that this is watermarked, so it probably shouldn't be used. Since it's your anniversary, I'll whip you up something similar to use that's free and clear.)
Ratings: The E rating is fine.
Genres: Instead of "other" for the third genre, you can change it to romance/love. Having all three filled in gives you a better opportunity to turn up in searches.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I was so sad when I read the last line. Up until that moment I thought it was a sweet poem. Then I read the author's note, and I really felt bad for your friend. Such a hard thing to go through, and he was soooo young!

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - For all intents and purposes, this is a free verse poem. There are some slight changes I would make to help with how the poem is read and to help it flow better. I can see from your port that you don't write much poetry, so I'm going to help you with this. I rarely copy and paste the whole verse for working on, but this is such a short poem. I hope you don't mind.

A young mother tucks
the little one in the bed
A young father kisses
his young son on the forehead
A whispered I love you
A kiss goodnight
A young wife weeps
to lose The love of her life overnight.

for overnight
she's lost the love
of her life


Really, the biggest problem with the last couple of lines is the change in verb tense. But see how the layout makes it easier to read through. Of course, this is just one suggestion. Feel free to play around with the rhythm and flow.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Feelings  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I like the title. I knew it was going to be a beautiful poem. The brief description should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item. And I see you included it again at the bottom which is what I usually recommend. Your image is lovely. Notice that the title, brief description, and image work as a trifecta for your cover. These are the things that cause a reader to click through to read your piece. Your rating is spot on. For your genres, you could definitely include nature as a second one and emotional for the third. This will help your piece turn up in more searches.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - The poem is well written. The tone of the writing matches the mood.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is my first time seeing the Parallelogram de Crystalline but I love it. There is nothing that goes better together than nature and love. How often to we see nature used as a metaphor for romance and love? I thought you did a great job mixing the two! The poem has a nice flow.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - In the third verse, gravestone needs to be gravestones.

*Shield2* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively -

Alliteration: sleeping/sunrays, bated/breath, and helping/homeless
Assonance: eyes/child/life, bated/awaits, gravestones/rains, and child/smile.
Consonance: gravestones/loved and leaves/vivid.

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

Pure thoughts —
think about helping a homeless child smile again,
as Autumn leaves change into vivid colors.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - What a sweet title. I was drawn to it immediately! I like the brief description, but you don't need to include that it's "a poem" because that shows up in the item type. It’s also nice to include an image to make the piece more appealing. Notice that the title, brief description, and image work as a trifecta for your cover. These are the things that cause a reader to click through to read your piece.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - Wow! I feel like this is a prayer to God as he holds your hand through life. It was touching and had a strong impact on me.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - I know I've seen this type of form before, but I'm not sure what it is. I like to include that kind of information at the bottom of the piece in an Author's Note. It works great to use a dropnote for this. The poem flowed nicely.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - One minor fix. Capitalize the "s" in the word "sit" in the final verse. Excellent job!

*Shield2* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - Below are examples of a great job done, especially with assonance!

Alliteration: stumble/step, really/ready, and worth/wait.
Assonance: chase/away, lullabies/wipe, go/own, frailly/lay, and beside/guide.
Repetition for Emphasis: "Gently hold my hand"

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

Gently hold my hand,
as I frailly lay
struggling for breath.
sit down here beside me and
guide me through my death.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello!

It's Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I think the subject of The Unknown Soldier fascinates us all. There are several poems with that title, including one of my own. It is just quite popular. But I love to read about these poor souls who fought with no recognition. The brief description is great and drew me into to the poem.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - This is a haunting poem. The tone of the words matches the mood of the poem. This poem kind of made me see back through history of the young men that fought anonymously. Maybe they are the most famous of all those who died. It brought tears to my eyes.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - I am kind of confused about whether this is supposed to be rhyming poetry or free verse. The first two verses have an a-a-b-b rhyme scheme, some verses have no rhymes at all while others still only rhyme either the first or second couplet. And then the last verse rhymes all four lines. It is kind of disconcerting to a reader when there is a rhyme scheme and then not a rhyme scheme. By skipping around, you impede the flow because the reader feels like they have read something wrong. I encourage poets to go in one direction or the other, but not both. It's okay if there is a rhyme here or there, of course.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - Okay, so here is my spiel about poetry and grammar rules. When writing poetry, the only time you need to capitalize the beginning word of a line is if it’s the first word of a sentence. You also need to follow the standard rules of punctuation. If you want to control the way a poem is read, you can use commas and semi-colons for soft stops and periods for hard stops.

*Shield2* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

But then, a man walks up to me one day,
Says, 'Son, I'm going to make you famous today.'
I answer not, for I know not what to say.
'An Unknown Soldier you are and that's how it will stay.'


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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18
18
Review of DAYS OF OUR LIVES  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - At first I wondered if the poem was about the soap opera. *Laugh* But I knew it really couldn't be. I like the title because it does catch your attention. The blurb or summary should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item. And if you want to include the form or other information you can put it at the bottom of the piece. I like to use a dropnote. Notice that the title, blurb, and image work as a trifecta for your cover. These are the things that cause a reader to click through to read your piece.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - This is a poem of reflection. I thought it was great. Be careful about overusing all-caps for words. Some people think it just provides emphasis, but really it just seems like you are yelling. Instead, try using italics for emphasis.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free form verse. I like the way it appears on the page. It's easy to read and has nice flow.

*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively -

Repetition for emphasis: "Days"
Alliteration: remember/regret/relive
Interline Rhyme: gushing/rush

*Shield7* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

Tears flow down our eyes
Laughter brightens our faces
As we look back
At what was once
THE PRESENT.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I like the title, though not especially unique. It still appeals to many readers. However, I don't feel like it really goes with the story. The blurb is great, though you should remove the comma. The only thing missing is an image. Wouldn't it be nice to have a picture of a Cocker Spaniel? That would really draw people in. Before I read this, I had no idea there was a dog involved, and animal lovers will truly be drawn to that.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I thought this was an interesting story. Obviously, this was a twist on an old classic fairy tale. The language was a bit confusing at times, and until the end, I didn't know the man was depressed. It was hard to get a take on the story until after a couple of read-throughs.

*Shield2* Plot and Transitions - While your story flowed well and had decent transitions from scene to scene, the plot was never quite clear to me. This feels a bit more like prose, which captures a moment in time rather than telling a complete story with a beginning, middle, and end. I can kind of see it. The dog barks at something. The dog returns to her master. The dog returns to barking which leads the master to find out the reason.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - There was quite a bit of comma misuse. I'll share a little secret. Go to Grammarly.com and download it. It has changed my writing completely. You don't have to follow all the proper sentence structure and such, but it will alert you to the proper use of punctuation and other great things.

*Shield2* Favorite Lines/Stanzas - One thing you do very well is show and not tell. This is a difficult thing for many people to grasp, so you are ahead of the game on this one!

Goldilocks barks incessantly, the shrill sound grating against his suffering need for calm—peaceful silence of wilderness mountain pines mourned in the city’s aggressive presence beyond cinnamon-tinted glass.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of STARK  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The title is quite interesting. It definitely caught my attention. Your image is beautiful. But the blurb, "Just something," didn't really add anything. The blurb or summary should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. Notice that the title, blurb, and image work as a trifecta for your cover.

*Castleleft* Rhyme, Form & Flow - I am assuming this is a free verse poem. I really like the poem. BUT, I would lay it out a little differently. In free verse, the way you lay it out affects the way it is read. Here is my suggestion for the first verse. Break it up into two verses like the example below. You can also do that with the third and fifth verse. It will also make the entire poem more cohesive.

The land is stark,
but then it grows.
The beauty grows,
the color grows.

The whites and blacks
and the in-betweens.
The beauty is mostly
in-between.


*Castleleft* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - You have used a type of repetition called Anadiplosis. This means the repetition of a word or phrase at the end of a line. You have used this with the following words: grows, color, and beauty.

Alliteration: blacks/beauty and my/mind.
Anaphora (repetition at the beginning of a line): we grow, the same, and the land.
Assonance: my/mind/I, goes/no/knows/grows, no/know/so,

*Shield7* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

The land is the beauty.
The land is the color.
Starkness is all -
the color the beauty.

We grow through the starkness -
we grow into beauty.
We are the beauty -
we are the color.


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The title is unique and appealing. Sometimes originality is hard to find. As far as the blurb underneath, it should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item. And if you want to include the form, inspiration, prompt or other information you can put it at the bottom of the piece. I like to use a dropnote. The cover image is pretty cool! Notice that the title, blurb, and image work as a trifecta for your cover.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I've never read the Shining. I read one Stephen King book a long time ago and it scared the crap out of me. I've not read another one since. But I do like a few of the tv series that he has written. So, I can't gauge exactly what's happening. Has she killed Madoc? I do know it's a bit freaky. So, I'm scared enough that I probably won't read this book either!

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This poem is made up of three quatrains. But I don't really understand the rhyme scheme. The first verse is a-b-b-a, the second verse is c-d-c-d, and the last verse doesn't have any rhymes at all. You can't really call this free verse, but it's not following conventional rules of a specific form either. I would love to know which way you are leaning here so I could better help you reconstruct it. If you'd like me to be clearer about this, let me know which way you would go.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - *Thumbsup*

*Shield2* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively - There are some innerline rhymes, repitition for emphasis in the last verse, and alliterations.

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

The plants are moving under the rug.
And whispered voices tease and tug.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Morbid Attraction  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I love the title! My first thought is that "Morbid Attraction" is an oxymoron, and that is one of my favorite literary devices. But the blurb or summary should read like the back of a book. It should further entice your reader into your piece. You don’t need to include that it’s a poem because that shows up on the type of item. And if you want to include the form or other information you can put it at the bottom of the piece. I like to use a dropnote. I would also like to have seen an image with this. Notice that the title, blurb, and image work as a trifecta for your cover.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - The best word to describe this poem is interesting. I don't think I totally get the full message, and I read it several times. I'm thinking you are talking about having an online persona. There are phrases and lines that are great, but I'll have to study this further when I have the time.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - According to you this is a syllabic verse where you have eight syllables per line and there are twenty-four lines. I think the flow is wonderful. I didn't trip over any lines. Every rhyming couplet contains true end rhymes, my favorite of which is countenance/dance!

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - Okay, so here is my spiel about poetry and grammar rules. When writing poetry, the only time you need to capitalize the beginning word of a line is if it’s the first word of a sentence. You also need to follow the standard rules of punctuation. If you want to control the way a poem is read, you can use commas and semi-colons for soft stops and periods for hard stops.

*Shield2* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

However you want to see time,
Preserved in brilliant words of rhyme
You won't forget my countenance,
Makes strong men cry and demons dance!


Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - The title is wonderful. I caught my attention right away! I am a piano player, so this was right up my alley, and I was excited to delve into the poem. Great summary or blurb, and nice image to bring it all together for the cover trifecta!

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I thought the piece was entertaining. I enjoyed reading through the technicalities and the love of family. The vocabulary was appropriate for the subject matter.

*Shield2* Rhyme, Form & Flow - This is a free verse poem. I thought the flow worked fine. I didn't really trip over anything but one of the composer's names. I don't think I've heard of Rachmaninoff. I will have to go check him out. I've not really studied too many of the classic composers as I tend to concentrate more on Gospel music.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - Okay, so here is my spiel about poetry and grammar rules. When writing poetry, the only time you need to capitalize the beginning word of a line is if it’s the first word of a sentence. You also need to follow the standard rules of punctuation. If you want to control the way a poem is read, you can use commas and semi-colons for soft stops and periods for hard stops. In free verse, you can use line breaks to control how a poem is read.

*Shield2* Poetic Devices noticed and used effectively -

Alliteration: pianist/poised, pianist's/partner, baked/bread, and rye/rosemary.
Assonance: themes/repeated, those/aromas, fiber/life,

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines/Stanzas -

The pianist is poised~~ensconced in thought,
Interpreting memorable sounds,


and

Technical, lilting themes repeated,

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Saved By Art  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I love the title, and I really love how it came about. The blurb is great. The only thing that would improve the cover is an image. All three things work together to invite the reader into your piece.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - I thought the vocabulary matched the mood of the story. It's a story that really touched my heart. I didn't grow up rich, but we weren't dirt poor either. My parents loved me and my brother, and we are all still very close even now. So what this little boy went through really broke my heart. I hate it when people dash the hopes of children. I'm glad he finally found an advocate.

*Shield2* Plot and Transition - The plot was well thought out. It begins with a boy who wants to be loved but turns to his art when he is denied that basic need. Then his hopes are dashed time after time. Parents, teachers, and even peers throw away the artwork that he loves so much. I can understand why it was more than he could bear.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - I saw a few mistakes throughout, but they would be easy enough to catch with a quick proofread.

*Shield2* Characters - I love that you included the ending. I was happy to read that the boy found love and made his own family. And I'm glad he didn't repeat the pattern of abuse he had suffered. What a fabulous turn of events!

*Castleleft* Favorite Lines -

One day the doctor came in to see me and saw a drawing I had just done. He asked me if he could have it. I couldn't speak. In almost tears I said yes.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

My name is Marci Missing Everyone, and I will be reviewing your piece today as part of the challenge for "Game of Thrones and the House of Florent.

*Disclaimer: Everything I have to say is my humble opinion. If I mention something that is against your artistic views, please throw it at one of my enemies!

*Shield2* Introduction - I love the title. It's definitely unique and drew me into your piece. I was interested in seeing these Letters from Brickstown. Images always make a nice addition. The trifecta makes a nice cover for your written work.

*Castleleft* Tone & Mood/Emotional Impact - This is a very sad tale of depression and suicide. Once I started reading, I couldn't quit. It had me hooked from the beginning, and that is wonderful. The vocabulary matches the mood of the story.

*Shield2* Plot and Transitions - This is a story of one important day in the life of a young husband and wife. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end. The story transitions well through each part with no stumbling.

*Castleleft* Grammar/Punctuation - I saw no issues.

*Shield2* Characters and POV - I thought the characters were realistic. The husband is a man who tries to understand his wife but doesn't realize what is really going on with her. The woman is a tired wife who works too hard and never gets ahead. She's feeling detached and depressed. Unfortunately, this is way too common. And instead of getting help or talking with her husband, she takes her own life.

I have to touch on POV because the author has made a common mistake. This is written in the first person point of view, so the person talking can only comment on what he can see. He doesn't know what's happening in Victoria's mind, he doesn't know what she is doing, and he doesn't know to describe all the other things, either. He wasn't there to see it. However, if this was rewritten with a narrator talking about the husband and wife, that would be different. It would be in the omniscient voice and then you can see all, hear all, and know all.

Until next time... Don't forget to feed your dragon... *Dragon*

Sincerely,
Marci Missing Everyone

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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