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426
426
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
You wish 2/14 should be off the calendar as you find no good reason to have Valentine’s Day; you have explained the reason as you think and you find there is no vanity of having a day for celebration, your explanation is though general, you know it will never happen, as you get the day as holiday every year, and you think it is worthless in one’s life, I like the acrostic poem (free verse poetry) expressing your wish and consequence in a simple statement like an appeal in vain.

I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the theme, the message, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.

Title of the poem is good enough, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem may be in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, complete, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:

Vanity is the word of the day
As men and women alike swamp the stores to buy
Lavish gifts for their beloveds.
Eager they are to impress yet becoming frusrated, they shall stop at
Nothing to obtain the perfect gift.
This rampant spending drives me mad, and I try my damnedest to hide from this
Inane ritual paving the way to bankruptcy.
No justification exists for this frivolous spending!
Every year, it gets worse, and I question the worth of this "holiday".
Someone get this worthless event off the calendar!

Despite my wishes for such a merciful measure, I know it will never happen;
And thus I shall balk as 2/14 comes and goes once again, forever
Yearning for this day to be like any other.

(Vanity is the word of the day.
As men and women alike swamp the stores to buy
lavish gifts for their beloveds.
Eager they are to impress, yet becoming frustrated, they shall stop at
nothing to obtain the perfect gift.
This rampant spending drives me mad, and I try my damnedest to hide from this
inane ritual paving the way to bankruptcy.
No justification exists for this frivolous spending!
Every year, it gets worse, and I question the worth of this "holiday".
Someone get this worthless event off the calendar!

Despite my wishes for such a merciful measure, I know it will never happen
and thus, I shall balk as 2/14 comes and goes once again, forever
yearning for this day to be like any other.

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann



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427
427
Review of Spring  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I read this Haiku as a good poem, as you have composed this poem naturally in just 17 syllables. Human and Nature are well connected and thoughtfully expressed; I like this poem of a special format. Evidently, the first two lines are grammatically well structured and depicted. And the third line is a good satori having an ‘aha’ moment.

I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the flow of thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.

Though I find the ‘aha’ moment in the third line of the poem is not so good, it does not appeal to me have an ‘aha’ moment, because we read Haikus to enjoy the satori most. Of three lines, ‘aha’ moment in the third line should be the most important, significant, enjoyable, pleasant to read, and it should touch the heart and readers should naturally and automatically say ‘aha’ feeling the satori. The third line here is just a filler and I do not feel to have an ‘aha’ moment.

Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, compact, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:

A haiku about Spring returning.

(A Haiku about spring is returning.)

Edit:

Warmth spreads through the air
Trees blossom and flowers bloom
Spring is returning

(Warmth spreads through the air.
Trees blossom and flowers bloom.
Spring is returning.)

Or,

(Spring is returning!)

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions and comments, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this Haiku with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
428
428
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Fantastic!
You have done a nice job, I like the poem.

I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the message of light to save a life; the theme, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the dramatic appeal; the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.
Edit:
It was a beautiful night...
(It was a beautiful night.)

Edit:
I licked my soup bowl clean and walked outside.
There, I was greeted by travesty,
as a young grungy man approached me asking for money.

(I licked my soup bowl clean and walked outside.
There, I was greeted by a travesty
as a young grungy man approached me asking for money.)

Edit:
He said to me he was trying to escape an addiction,
one he'd been battling for years
as he tried to cope with a newfound popularity.

(He said to me he was trying to escape an addiction
one that he'd been battling for years
as he tried to cope with a newfound popularity.)

Edit:

So he walked with me to the intracoastal pier,
and we sat under the luminescence of the moon,
discussing how it had found its light.

(So, he walked with me to the intracoastal pier
and we sat under the luminescence of the moon
discussing how he had found its light.)

Edit:
It was then that he confessed to me that he had
once loved me before but was too damn
stubborn to appreciate all the love I had given him.

(It was then that he confessed to me that he had
once loved me before but, he was too damn
stubborn to appreciate all the love I had given him.)

Edit:
He said, "Bring back the light so I can find happiness,
to bring back vivacity in my music, so maybe I can see again
how I'm supposed to appreciate life."

(He said, "Bring back the light so I can find happiness
to bring back vivacity in my music, so maybe I can see again
how I'm supposed to appreciate life.")

Edit:
I didn't know what to say, but I knew what to do.
It meant I had to show him the way, and this time it would last forever,
as he had gained new eyes.

(I didn't know what to say, but I knew what to do.
It meant I had to show him the way, and this time it would last forever
as he had gained new eyes.)

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words and have grammatically corrected the lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions and comments, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
429
429
Review of Anxiety  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I understand what you have tried to express, and I find you have expressed your feeling and experience about nature and causes of anxiety; I like this poem (free verse poetry).
I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the message, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the concept, and the monologue flavour of taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.
Title of the poem is good enough, appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. I understand it is not easy to write a catchy title for a subjective poem.
Edit and comments:
I can't take it anymore
The fear, the worry, the tears,
What I would give to be my old self,
Before the worry, before the panic, before the anxiety,
I miss doing what I used to.
The rides, the danger, the thrill.
It doesn't exist to me anymore.
The shakiness, the rapid breathing, the sweats, I can't do this anymore,
The meds don't help, the calming techniques does nothing,
Where is my outgoing self?
No where to be found, replaced with a shy person who mind's race.
Do they like me? Did I say something stupid? Should I have said what I just did?
I can't take this anymore.
I can't have fun with family, I can't say what's wrong cause I don't know.
Who am I? Now I don't know. Nothing excites me anymore. I have no control of my mind and thoughts,
Only thing that helps is sleep.
I fight it and fight it but ultimately it wins. What am I to do? As I sit here and remember who I was, the one that loved excitement, the thrill, the danger, and people I wonder if that part died or just in hiding. Anxiety scared her away and she refuses to come out.
Go away anxiety no one wants you here.
I want out of this black hole, out of this dump and back to who I used to be.
(I can't take it anymore.
The fear, the worry, the tears
what I would give to be my old self
before the worry, before the panic, before the anxiety.

I miss doing what I used to
the rides, the danger, and the thrill.
It doesn't exist to me anymore.
The shakiness, the rapid breathing
the sweats, I can't do this anymore.

The meds don't help, the calming techniques does nothing.
Where is my outgoing self?
Nowhere to be found, replaced with a shy person who mind’s race.
Do they like me?
Did I say something stupid?
Should I have said what I just did?
I can't take this anymore.

I can't have fun with family.
I can't say what's wrong caused I don't know.
Who am I?
Now I don't know.
Nothing excites me anymore.
I have no control of my mind and thoughts.
Only thing that helps is sleep.

I fight it and fight it but, ultimately it wins.
What am I to do?
As I sit here and remember who I was.
The one that loved excitement, the thrill, the danger
and people I wonder if that part died or just in hiding.
Anxiety scared her away and she refuses to come out.

Go away anxiety no one wants you here.
I want out of this black hole
out of this dump and back to who I used to be.



Edit and comments:
Who I used to be
(Who I use to be)
Okay, I understand your expression, you are correct, right, in term of the theme of the poem, because you wish to go back to the previous state of living, or what you used to be, but I do not find it is correct to write as a sentence here, for you are alive, the story may be about your past activities, actions, feelings or emotions or about anxiety in course of your living; moreover, you have written in the fifteenth line of the poem, ‘who am I?’ and you are trying, rather struggling for living to get a relief from anxiety.

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words and have grammatically corrected the lines and or sentences?*, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions and comments?*, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
430
430
Review of The Wrong Day  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sometime we forget even birthday, a birthday of our beloved mother; but there are always someone to remember, party on a birthday celebration is not a matter always, I find your purpose of writing this Nonet poem, I like. In a few words, you have written the great matter, I appreciate the purpose and find the structure of the poem is well maintained.

I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the dramatic appeal, the diction, and the read.

Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem; well, I understand as per nature and theme of the poem, it is not so easy to write a catchy title.

Edit:
Mom's birthday, just around the corner
My sister calls to remind me
Don't be a nag, I warn her
It'll be fine; you'll see
Party tomorrow?
No, it's today
Big uh-oh
Face palm
Oops!

(Mom's birthday, just around the corner
my sister calls to remind me.
Don't be a nag; I warn her.
It'll be fine; you'll see.
Party tomorrow!
No, it's today.
Big uh-oh!
Face palm.
Oops!)

Edit:

Writer's Cramp Contest Entry - 9/6/10 - Forgotten birthday

(A Writer's Cramp Contest Entry; Deadline: 9/6/2010; about: Forgotten birthday)

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions and comments, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
431
431
Review of Change  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Change is change. Time is time. Life is life but it is meant for living. Living goes through time and changes. Life goes through living in changes. Change is the truth. Change is inevitable. Change is permanent. Change is compulsory. None can defy the truth. We are to accept the truth and the changes as long as we live a life. Death is the change of a life. Change stands in itself. Change is evident. Life is an embodiment of time; we live by time, in time, through time, but we do not live over or beyond time. I like your poem (free verse poetry).

I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the concept, the theme, the philosophy, the truth, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.

Title of the poem is good enough, significant and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, compact, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, surprisingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, it is thematic and correct, but it is not complete.

Edit and comments:
Life has always been about change,
acceptance and letting go,
growth, and loss,
beginning, ending, space between,
residing in memory
of what will be.

Life is change.
Death stays the same.
(Life has always been about change
acceptance and letting go
growth, and loss
beginning, ending, space between
residing in memory
of what will be. ?*

Life is change. ?*
Death stays the same.) ?*

All the eight lines are not expressive, for example, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth lines of the poem are not expressive and not clear to me in full for these lines are not correctly related to the first line, though the first line itself is not related to the seventh line, for I do not understand exactly order of expression in the first line, seventh line and the eighth line; besides, the first line ‘life has always been about change’ means something else about life and in the seventh line ‘life is change’ speaks something other than what you express in the first line, particularly, I do not clearly understand what do you mean by ‘life is change’ and again in the eight line ‘death stays the same’ is not expressive and again, it is not clear for it does not relate to the first line, I mean, the mode of addressing or order of expression in the lines are not coherent and unified or rhythmic in expression in a poem, I mean, the lines would have been worded more meaningfully for proper appreciation of the theme.

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words and have grammatically corrected the lines and or sentences?*, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions and comments?*, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
432
432
Review of For her.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You could not tell, you failed to speak the truth, rather, you wanted to say, but you could not, it is sad on your part, you missed the train, you have lost the opportunity, your story ends for the time being, you sit alone and think only, memory may hit you, but no change will happen unless you act, you think only you could tell her that she is the apple of your eye, but the bet is lost; there is no second take in living a life, opportunity comes once in life, same thing does not happen twice in life, every action has its equal and opposite reaction, you did not tell her the truth the action and the reaction is that you think you suffer; truly, no one can live a life twice; I like the poem (free verse poetry).

I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, the diction, the simple and honest taletelling, the theme, the art of expression, and the read.

Title of the poem is good and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, complete, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, but it is incomplete and personal.

Edit:
Why didn't I say something,
about my feeling,
to you.
I didn't take the chance,
could have had romance,
scared of what you would do.

(Why didn't I say something
about my feeling
to you?
I didn't take the chance
though, I could have had romance
scared of what you would do. )

Edit:
I will always blame,
my low self esteem,
choking everytime,
worried about the shame,
if you say no.

(I will always blame
my low self-esteem
choking every time
worried about the shame
if you say ‘no’.)

Edit:
Now I sit alone,
a life full of regret,
all the chances are gone,
if only I had taken the bet.

(Now, I sit alone
a life full of regret.
All the chances are gone
if only I had taken the bet!)

Edit and comments:
Every day I dream,
about what could have been,
had I not let it pass by.

(Every day I dream
about what could have been
had I not let it pass by.)

The last line here might be changed, for it is not expressive using the preposition ‘by’ at the end of the sentence.

Edit:
If I could live again
I would say what I wanted.

That you are the apple of my eye.
(If I could live again
I would say what I really wanted.
That you are the apple of my eye.)

Edit:
For her.
(For Her)

Edit and comments:
A short poem about losing out on someone you love.

(A poem about losing out on someone you love.)

There is nothing like a short poem and I think by telling it you serve no good purpose, though, it is not wrong to say so, a reader may think something else, for there is no yardstick by which one can say whether it is short or not, we should tell anything that is important, not only to us but for everyone.

You may check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words and have grammatically corrected the lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets, as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
433
433
Review of Autumn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fantastic!



This Haiku for autumn is a nice work; I find 17 syllables in three lines, and you have maintained the first two lines well, as these two lines are grammatically linked and the third line is the satori which being the ‘aha’ moment of the poem, so, that is the Haiku all about; I liked. Human and Nature are connected well.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the theme, the flow of thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, compact, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem; though, the title is subjective and in this case, it is not so easy to write a catchy title.




However, the ‘aha’ moment in the third line is not so expressive, in terms of clarity of expression. I liked the third line, though. The second line is not grammatically correct. The metaphorical influence in the third line is good enough.




You may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work better.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing more and more, and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
434
434
Review of Honesty  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice endeavour; you have composed the poem (free verse poetry) well as I find you have done it a good work of maintaining iambic pentameter.




I have enjoyed the impersonal state of expression with some necessary assumptions.

Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe


in addition, appealing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. Rather, the title is subjective; though, in this case, I understand it is not so easy to write a title catchy.




Edit and comments:

Is honesty the greatest policy?
If this is what you want to believe
Then why am I surrounded by these lies?
This is what they mean by hypocrisy
Sincerity is not to pick and choose
Your wheres and hows in trustworthiness
Won't you tell me what it's going to be?




The first line is not clear to me; the phrase ‘greatest policy’ is not expressive in this line, there is no personal feeling.




Clarity is missing in the second line, and the third line does not appear relate to the second line of the poem.




In the fourth line, the word ‘they’ is not clear, who are they and how the word relates to the previous lines.




The fifth line has the word ‘sincerity’ and the word is not expressed clearly in the line.




There is loss of rhythm of thoughts in all the first five lines of the poem and I think the flow of thoughts in those five lines does not stand well.




Again, the sixth and seventh or last line is not well connected, and there is loss of clarity in the whole of the poem.


(Is honesty the greatest policy?
If this is what you want to believe
then why I am surrounded by these lies.
This is what they mean by hypocrisy.
Sincerity is not to pick and choose
your wheres and hows in trustworthiness.
Won't you tell me what it's going to be?)




You may check I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words and have grammatically corrected lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem; you may use Author’s Notes to help the readers understand your work and your style of expression in appreciation.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing more and more and even more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
435
435
Review of Sweet Lullaby  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Daddy’s daughter!



Sweet with word power!



I like this acrostic poem (free verse poetry), a poem about daddy’s missing daughter, a poem of daddy’s memoir, a poem about remembering lullaby, a poem about daddy’s lullaby to his daughter.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the theme, the free flow of thoughts, the anomalous lullaby, and the love moments of daddy’s lullaby to his missing daughter, the historic reference of love, the spiritual appreciation of relation, daughter’s love of daddy’s voice in lullaby, the remembrance of lullaby, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, compact, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Sometimes I sing
When I am alone,
Easing pain and loneliness.
Emily loves the Unicorn Song.
Twin animals marching into Noah's Ark.


(Sometimes I sing
when I am alone to
ease my pain and loneliness.
Emily, my daughter, loves the Unicorn Song.
Twin animals march into Noah's Ark.)




Edit:

Like a bird picking at feed,
Under a willow tree in my memory
Lyrics and words are hit or miss.
Literally unable to carry a tune,
A few of my words garbled here and there by time,
Bring a smile to my face.
You always love your daddy's voice.


(Like a bird picking at feed
under a willow tree in my memory
lyrics and words are hit or miss.
Literally unable to carry a tune
a few of my words garbled here and there by time to
bring a smile to my face.
You always love your daddy's voice.




You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed some words and have grammatically corrected some lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work; you may use Author’s Notes to tell in a word about your work, or style of expression, in order to help your readers comprehension in appreciation.




I am glad to read this poem after about thirteen years of its posting or publication, and I feel proud of writing my review of your acrostic poem after thirteen years of its writing. I never feel surprised at writing the first review of this poem today on the fourteenth year of its creation and publication for read and review online or in public.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this acrostic poem with us.





Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
436
436
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful!



This s an excellent poem (free verse poetry) of love, a poem of hope, a poem of waiting, a poem of joy of love, a poem of eternal love, a poem of eternal love’s grace, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue flavour of taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is good enough, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appropriate, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, correct, complete, significant, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Rather, I find the title is a little confusing, I think, it is not clear to me. In the poem you mentioned the same words differently: Widows Walk and widows walk and in the title you write Window’ Walk.



The lines of the poem are not properly spaced into lines or broken up into more lines in order to give the readers more pleasure in read.




Edit:

Widow’s Walk Light
(Light at Widow’s Walk)

Or,

(Light Widow’s Walk)

Or,

(Widows Walk Light)

Or,

(Light Widows Walk)




Edit:
A widow knowing that her husband is dead, but still lights a candle.

(A widow knowing that her husband is dead, but still she lights a candle.)




Edit:

Long days and nights I lite a candle lamp at Widows Walk.
It tells you that I still await your journey end.
I watch every night, thinking the North Star should guide you home.
When the full moon showers his face, my heart lifts with joy, knowing that there is more light to guide you home to me.
These were the things I joyed about, until they informed that the Admiral Johnsons was lost at sea.
Nevertheless, I still light the candle lamp at widows walk, to let you know I await my lovers arrival.
Although I know in my Souls Heart that you no longer live.



(Long days and nights, I lite a candle lamp at Widows Walk.
It tells you that I still await your journey end.
I watch every night, thinking the
North Star should guide you home.
When the full moon showers his face, my heart
lifts with joy, knowing that there is more light
to guide you home to me.
These were the things I joyed about
until they informed that Admiral Johnsons was lost at sea.
Nevertheless, I still light the candle lamp
at Widows Walk,
to let you know I await my lover’s arrival.
Although, I know in my Souls Heart
that you no longer live.




You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed some words and have grammatically corrected some lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work; you may use Author’s Notes to tell in a word about your work, or style of expression, in order to help your readers comprehension in appreciation.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
437
437
Review of Dear Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This letter/memo is a good work you have done; the depiction is simple, personalized and well addressed.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the art and style of presentation, the dramatic appeal, the information, and the read.




Edit:

Snow, before I begin discussing your writing goals for 2012 I want to make one thing completely clear. I am sick of hearing how you messed up 2011. Get over it! Either put it in God’s hands, deal with the consequences or let it go, but do not dwell on it any more because you do not have a time machine to go back and change the past.


(Snow, before I begin discussing your writing goals for 2012, I want to make one thing completely clear. I am sick of hearing how you messed up 2011. Get over it! Put it either in God’s hands, deal with the consequences, or let it go but, do not dwell on it anymore because, you do not have a time machine to go back, and change the past.)




Edit:
Now to the present, this is 2012 and, according to popular rumor, the end of the world on December 21.

(Now, to the present, this is 2012 and, according to popular rumor, the end of the world is on December 21.)




Edit:

It is 2012; you are 65 years old and time to focus on what you want, which is to write. You are a talented woman, so stop worry and start writing. Finish the rewrite of Scavenger and get it published. Do not focus on how difficulty of the project. Instead, remember your Grandfather Newland, if he had accepted the doctor’s prediction that your mother would not live you would not have been born.


(It is 2012; you are 65 years old, and time to focus on what you want is what it is to write. You are a talented woman; so, stop worrying and start writing. Finish the rewrite of Scavenger, and get it published. Do not focus on how difficult is the project. (Or: Do not focus on difficulty of the project) Instead, remember your grandfather Newland, if he had accepted the doctor’s prediction that your mother would not live, you would have not born.)




Edit:

Rather then listening to the doctor, your Grandfather did everything in his power to make sure your mother live. Your mother survived and because of her survival, you were born. Therefore, stop worrying and start writing.

(Rather than listening to the doctor, your grandfather did everything in his power to make sure your mother live. Your mother survived and because of her survival, you were born. Therefore, stop worrying and start writing.)




Edit:

Your word count goal is 2,000 a day. All you have to do is write them. You do not have to write them all at once. Write while the washer is running. Create a daily work schedule that allows you to write and do not let anything stop you. Focus on the writing. Focus on what you are doing at any one moment and not what you still need to do.


(Your word count goal for 2012 is 2,000 a day. All you have to do is to write them. You do not have to write them all at once. Write while the washer is running. Create a daily work schedule that allows you to write and do not let anything stop you. Focus on the writing. Focus on what you are doing at any moment, and not what you still need to do.)




Edit:
These are your goals for 2012.

(These are your goals for 2012 :)




You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed some words and have grammatically corrected some lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work; you may use Author’s Notes to tell in a word about your work, or style of expression, in order to help your readers comprehension in appreciation.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this letter/memo with us.




Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
438
438
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely!


This is a good story, I liked the characters, and the plot, the settings, the flow of thoughts, thematic progression, the climax, the beginning and the temporary end with curious dramatic and episodic cessation of the story, the message about love, exemplifying the state of love developing a relation between the teens and their spirit of fight for survival and fulfillment of dream through action for survival and art of living, taking up responsibilities to stand for survival in crisis and hard times.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling in an episodic presentation of the theme in a dramatic phase of mystic slot of a slice of living, the theme, the setting, the plot development, and the read.




I expect the introductory part or beginning should have a catch, inclusion of at least a few dialogues, elaboration of middle (body part, though I know there is no middle in real sense and in terms of the episodic presentation of the story, since the next part is offing), setting might be described more clearly, and I expect the characters have not been fleshed well and introduced and described neatly, because of brevity of taletelling.



I could not enjoy the story fully as it appears more have been told and less shown; if the story is extended or enlarged with more words, I think, it will be an excellent story and readers will get more enjoyment at every phase of showing the tale of the story. Besides, description of the teens from two different worlds is not clear to me.




There is space problem and the work has not been segregated or separated through paragraphs as the entire work appears a run-on sentences.




Title of the story is good enough but it is neither complete nor catchy; I expect a title of a story maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, tricky, and or unforgettable. I think the title is not appropriate or significant, though. But, it is somewhat relative to the theme and thematic appreciation of the story.




Edit:

Love never can be measured

(Love Never Can Be Measured)

Or

(Love Can Never Be Measured)




You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions in the brackets above.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this work with us.




Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
439
439
Review of The Struggle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a solid poem (free verse poetry), a poem of iron self-confidence, a poem of high volume spirit for struggle, a poem of motivation for combating survival in despair and pain, a poem about struggling with depression, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour and stand of taletelling, the theme of combating struggle for survival, the message of keeping spirit for survival and combating with a success, the free and flair flow of thoughts of practice of values, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. Rather, the title is somewhat incomplete, though thematic and subjective.




Edit:

I have had my innocence ripped from me
I have taken control of my will
I have lived in dark corners
And made my bed behind towering walls


(I knew I had my innocence ripped from me.
I took control of my will.
I lived in dark corners.
And I made my bed behind towering walls.)




Edit:

I have forced my eyes to the sun
And my feet to the ground
I have had my heart shattered
And taken my breath through determination alone


(I forced my eyes to the sun
and my feet to the ground.
I had my heart shattered.
And I took my breath through determination alone.)




Edit:

I have stared Death in the eye
And fought him for control of my own hand
Depression whispers victim in my ear
Strength cries defiance


(I stared Death in the eye.
And I fought him for control of my own hand.
Depression whispered victim in my ear.
And strength cried defiance.)




Edit:
Tears reveal vulnerability
Strength binds me together
Fear builds a fortress around my heart
Strength scales the walls


(Tears revealed vulnerability.
Strength bound me together.
Fear built a fortress around my heart.
Strength scaled the walls.)




Edit:

Life brings pain and despair
Strength answers with a dragon’s roar
I will not break


(Life brings pain and despair.
Strength answers with a dragon’s roar.
I know I will not break.)




You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed some words and have grammatically corrected some lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work; you may use Author’s Notes to tell in a word about your work, or style of expression, in order to help your readers comprehension in appreciation.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
440
440
Review of For Adam  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply but emotionally expressed the event of loss of a son, a parental feeling of loss of a person in accident is worded in a soft diction, how others might feel the pain and loss of a relation is plainly voiced, spiritual feeling is orderly linked in reflected thoughts about how pain and grief add to the age of experience – life and death; I liked.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the spiritual appreciation relates to the loss of a person, the imagery, the word visuals, the soft and symphonic rhymes, the free and flair flow of thoughts, and the read.




The title of the poem is emotionally directive, appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, complete, memorable, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
When youth precedes the eyes of age
and plays an unaccustomed role,
then love and grief take center stage
to mourn the loss that makes us whole.

To feel a Mother’s anguished tears,
and Dad’s unbearable regret.
His brother now knows mortal fear;
such wounds may tempt us to forget.

Embrace, enfold, endure the pain;
the loss intensifies the love.
And joyful memories remain,
until we’re joined with God above.

For it’s only in the passing
that the living know the seasons.
And in life that’s everlasting
that we come to know the reasons.


(When youth precedes the eyes of age
and plays an unaccustomed role
then love and grief take center stage
to mourn the loss of lives that makes us whole.)




Edit:


(To cause feel a mother’s anguished tears
and dad’s unbearable regret.
Adam’s brother now knows mortal fear
as such wounds may tempt us to forget.)




Edit:


(Embrace, enfold, and endure the pain
the loss of lives intensifies the love.
Though, joyful memories remain
until we join with God above.)




Edit:


(For it is only in the passing
that the living knows the seasons.
And in life that is everlasting
when we come to know the reasons.)





You would like to check I have humbly offered some suggestions and have changed some words and have grammatically corrected some lines and or sentences, you are free to accept or reject any of my suggestions, as edits in the brackets as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work; you may use Author’s Notes to tell in a word about your work, or style of expression, in order to help your readers comprehension in appreciation.




Well done overall; thank you for sharing this work with us.




Keep writing more, more for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
441
441
Review of HOME  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Home is more than sweet home!



You have expressed the feelings and visual sense of infinite source of happiness and comfort that one who is away from home would love to cherish about being at home, I like this poem (free verse poetry).




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of expression of thoughts about home, the sense and sensibility of satisfaction of a stay at home at the special state of staying away from home, the importance of living at home at the moments when one stays away home, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title somewhat relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

What is home?
Mot your half baked essay
On a crumpled piece of paper.
Or your little black dress
That you don for validation.
Home is an emotion
A shrine enshrined in your sun-kissed spirit.
Where you are a part of a pack
And not a lone wolf.
Sauntering and rambling over the
viridescent meadows
Prowling and surviving through the dissolution.

(What is home?
Mot your half- baked essay
on a crumpled piece of paper
or, your little black dress
that you don for validation.
Home is an emotion
like a shrine enshrined in your sun-kissed spirit
where you are a part of a pack
and not a lone wolf
sauntering and rambling over the
viridescent meadows
and prowling as well surviving through the dissolution.)

The word ‘mot’ is though noun, I find you have used it as verb, using poetic licence, sometime I like use of poetic licence.





Edit:

What is home?
Where you feel adored
By chums and kin alike
Without any shroud of bias,
Or cloak of unfairness
That people usually sport
Without any shame or guilt
Home is where life feels like a fleeting
moment of gratification, of comfort, of wholeness
Unike the desolate human that lies outside
Where everything and everyone is mere
scavengers
Opportunistic and barbarous
Like hyenas and vultures
What is home?
Your adobe?
Your truth?
Your salvation?
Or perhaps something else.

(What is home?
Where you feel adored
by chums and kin alike
without any shroud of bias
or, cloak of unfairness
that people usually sport
without any shame or guilt.
Home is where life feels like a fleeting
moment of gratification, of comfort, of wholeness
unlike the desolate human that lies outside
where everything and everyone is mere
a scavenger
opportunistic and barbarous
like hyenas and vultures.


What is home?
Is it your adobe
or your truth
or your salvation
or perhaps, is it something else?)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words for correction of the lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
442
442
Review of School Pressures  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Pressures of teaching, learning, parental and learners’ hopes and aspirations out of education, making career and gaining success at the end are well expressed with a question whether the process could help the learners survive in the tough competitive world and if the process will bring in them a relief at the end, all narrated so simply, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling of continuous pressures in parents and students for survival, free flow of thoughts, the rhymes, the word imagery, the word visuals and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Teachers frantically rush to decorate their walls,
In anticipation of little footsteps coming down the halls.
School is almost back in session,
Signaling the start of parent-teacher phone calls.

(Teachers rush frantically to decorate their school walls
in anticipation of the little footsteps coming down the halls.
Schools are almost back in session
signaling the start of parents-teachers phone calls.)





Edit:
Hopefully there's not been much regression,
As kids are encouraged to find an expression,
Of their own ideas and original thoughts.
With grades given at the instructor's discretion.

(Hopefully, there's not been much regression
as kids are encouraged to find an expression
of their own ideas and original thoughts
with grades given at the instructor's discretion.)




Edit:

Soon the students' stomachs will be tied in knots,
And they'll be feeling like they're drawing lots,
For the colleges and jobs they want to attend.
So many applicants, and so few actual spots!

(Soon the students' stomachs will be tied in knots
and they'll be feeling like they're drawing their lots
for the colleges and jobs they want to attend.
Applicants are so many but so few actual spots!)




Edit:

But such is the growing trend,
Of generations that have to contend,
With such a challenging, competitive world.
Will it be worth it, in the end?

(But, such is the growing trend
of generations that have to contend
with such a challenging, competitive world.
Will it worth for it in the end?)





Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions and have changed words, as I feel it is necessary today, though, I know the contest is over about five years ago, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
443
443
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Fantastic, innovatively sweet warning!



This is a dramatic and metaphoric shipping forecast message poem in 24 syllables, I like.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the message, the forecast, the presentation of the program, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
444
444
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!
This welcoming message for the reviewers is informative and a good reminder to the members; it is so inspiring and encouraging; it is more encouraging and inspiring, and motivating as ever; I am inspired to continue my endeavour.


Well done; thank you for sharing this message with me.

by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann


445
445
Review of Contrition  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Righteous indeed!



You have composed this poem truly keeping the spirit of contribution in heart, I like, this poem about contrition. The zeal and confidence, the will and wish, the declaration and process of activation for contrition is heartily expressed.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the theme, the message, the free flow of thoughts, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, though, I find the title of the poem has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Contrition,
and my fingers like flower stems
lifting toward your nose the gift of carnage, alarming and supple
for you alone to behold, i coerce you to acknowledge
the metallic smell.

(Contrition
and, my fingers like flower stems
lifting toward your nose the gift of carnage, alarming and supple
for you alone to behold, I coerce you to acknowledge
the metallic smell.)




Edit:

Contrition,
and soaked paper towels
we took turns lying awake, taunting the solder.
eyes kept open to keep you near
and to banish volcanic thoughts.

(Contrition
and, soaked paper towels
we took turns lying awake, taunting the solder
eyes kept open to keep you near
and, to banish volcanic thoughts.)




Edit:

Contrition
is the shimmering alloy fed on dead matter like a fungus-
the second of its kind. Fate was the first.
all I can give is what burgeons from the veins
of my beloved, ineffectual hands.

Contrition,
our feet touch in bed and a garden grows between us.

(Contrition
is the shimmering alloy, fed on dead matter, like a fungus
the second of its kind. Fate was the first.
All I can give is what burgeons from the veins
of my beloved, ineffectual hands.

Contrition!
Our feet touch in bed, and a garden grows between us.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
446
446
Review of I am Sham  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have composed a poem by heart, as I find you have shared your feelings and experiences truly and emotionally. I like the straightforward viewpoint about you and how all over life you have been misjudged, misinterpreted and misunderstood; the truth of life you have modestly interpreted. You have raised a question that is very common and right, maybe you have raised the most haunted question of life to yourself and you know those who do not know you could answer to your question to help you correctly.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, free and flair flow of thoughts, and the monologue flavour of taletelling, the attitude and assessment of people around you about your personality, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. The title has a melancholy, depression and frustration to life flash, though; it has a metaphorical and name symbolic implication.




Edit:

Thinking my days of early twenties
when no one considered
either my skills or perfectness -
devoid of flesh on bones
no one ready to choose me.

(Thinking my days of early twenties
when no one considered
either my skills, or perfectness
devoid of flesh on bones
no one was ready to choose me.)




Edit:

Fate moved me into married life
if he liked or disliked
we have crossed the span.
With the old age setting in
when withered spirits engulf life
I am called 'Sham'

(Fate moved me into married life
if he liked or disliked
we crossed the span
with the old age setting in
when withered spirits engulfed life
I was called 'Sham'.)




Edit:

The word hitting on my nerves
spreads pain everywhere.
It let my eyes open wide.
Would I ever be treated so
for life is false at all levels -

You are here today -
you will be gone tomorrow.

(The word hitting on my nerves
spreads pain everywhere.
It let my eyes open wide.
Would I ever be treated so!
For life is false at all levels.

You are here today.
You will be gone tomorrow.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




I was glad to read this poem and feel proud of writing this review of the poem after about seven years of its posting here. It is not surprising enough, maybe people do not like to read a poem of melancholy.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
447
447
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is news to us. When something is important, we wish to speak since we think it is something important to be stated. You have paid a good and great tribute to the celebrity chefs. I liked this little but good work. I think paying tribute to people is no easy job to do.




Edit:

Favourite celebrity chefs
(Favourite Celebrity Chefs)




Edit:

Favourite celebrity chefs
(My favourite celebrity chefs)




Well done; thank you for sharing this work with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
448
448
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! Wonderful!



Only a poet could think it this way. Great, indeed, you have composed this poem heartily, innovatively and creatively. I like the voice and the language, the diction, the art of presentation.




I have enjoyed the story, taletelling, monologue flavour of taletelling, the beginning, the middle, the climax and the wonderful ending of the story, the shift and movement, the flow of thoughts and progression, the rhythms of thoughts, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




My favourite lines:

Then for generations we danced,
till the sea dries up,
Till the sand turns to rock,




I liked and enjoyed the most in the lines:

Then me and the angel next to the spinning sea,
Danced like the wake of dawn,
Our the mom and the fawn,




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, compact, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, I find the title has a metaphorical relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

A Man who is sad then Falls in Love. And then is happy.
(A man who is sad, then falls in love, and then is happy.)




Edit:
I left to the beach,
While my heart tastes like bleach,
In despair of loneliness,
I was feeling baneful,

(I left to the beach
while my heart tastes like bleach
in despair of loneliness
I was feeling baneful.)




Edit:

Walking I seen an angel,
I could not look away,
For my eyes would not obey,
I, like a moth and a light,
I tried but could not fight,

(Walking, I saw an angel.
I could not look away
for my eyes would not obey.
I, like a moth, and a light
I tried but could not fight.)




Edit:

I was pressured toward her,
Asking her to dance,
Thinking there is no chance,
Seeing two servants beside her,

(I was pressured toward her
asking her to dance
thinking there is no chance
seeing two servants beside her.)




Edit:

She said yes then my heart exploded
Like a small animal that's bloated,
Then me and the angel next to the spinning sea,

(She said yes, then my heart exploded
like a small animal that's bloated.
Then, me and the angel next to the spinning sea)




Edit:

Danced like the wake of dawn,
Our the mom and the fawn,
Then for generations we danced,
till the sea dries up,
Till the sand turns to rock,
Awe the joy I had.

(Danced like the wake of dawn
our the mom and the fawn
then, for generations we danced
till the sea dries up
till the sand turns to rock
awe, the joy I had.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
449
449
Review of Christmas  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, you have composed this Christmas praise poem (free verse poetry) simply and interpretatively, I like.


You have explained the need, importance and significance of Christmas in human living. In the present state of disturbed and unhappy living, you wish for celebration of Christmas more and it may be celebrated all the year round. You wish celebration of Christmas may bring more happiness, joy, and peace in our lives. A message for peace and harmony will spread all around the world.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the use of alliterations, the theme, the message, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attractive, captivating, and or tricky. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Christmas season is upon us
It comes but once a year
It is a time for loving-kindness
It is a time for gifts and colors
It is a time for wonderful feasts!

(Christmas season is upon us.
It comes but once a year.
It is a time for loving-kindness.
It is a time for gifts and colors
it is a time for wonderful feasts!)




Edit:
The joy we feel at Christmas time
May it be felt around the globe
May families come closer together
May the world be joined in love
May the world be of one heart.

The joy we feel at Christmas is great joy
May it last throughout the year!

(The joy we feel at Christmas time.
May it be felt around the globe.
May families come closer together.
May the world be joined in love.
May the world be of one heart.

The joy we feel at Christmas is great joy.
May it last throughout the year.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




I feel glad to read and feel proud of writing this review after about four years of its posting on this site.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
450
450
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic poem, I like.


There is a good message for life. You have warned us about the importance of time in life. You wish to mean time is life, or life is time. And we should not think of more and more tomorrows to find appropriate moments for feeling and pray to God and sing God’s glory and gifts endowed to us. You say, it is the right moment to praise God and we should not be waved to sleep for tomorrows, maybe the next tic of the clock reminds us of our ends and we may not get the moment for singing, praising or appreciating God and God’s glory.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the message, the word imagery, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of the poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, and compact, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has a metaphoric relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem, but the title is not complete.




Edit:

Be alarmed at every tic of the clock,
For temptation will put you to sleep,
Take life threw these words,
There might be,
No more days tomorrow,
So take the now days,
To the Glory of God.


(Be alarmed at every tic of the clock
for temptation will put you to sleep.
Take life through these words.
There might be
no more days tomorrow.
So, take the now days
to the Glory of God.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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