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451
451
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Righteous explanation!



You have expressed the beach scene in natural words of explanation and rightly worded the state of your visual reflections of epiphany in course of your walking down in family from Oklahoma to the Pacific Coast and I find you have metaphorically related the adventure walk on vacation with the event of epiphany, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the memories in reflections, and the visual thought about epiphany to relate to the walking down the beach in course of your family vacations, the feeling of epiphany at moments of movement and watches in the vacations, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, complete, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, though, I find the title has a little mystic sense, but it is not complete, while it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

One beach stands out from the rest,
the sand was fire
and the water ...
salt cold,
the epiphany struck
like the waves against my body.


(One beach stands out from the rest
the sand was fire
and the water
salt cold
the epiphany struck
like the waves against my body.)




Edit:
My brothers,
my sister,
and I
were walking separate paths
into the ocean of life.

(My brothers
my sister
and I
were walking separate paths
into the oceans of life.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann



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452
452
Review of Oh the moments  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dark fantasy! Dark romance!



You have captured dark romantic moments, magical dark moments of romantic feelings and sentiment of captivating and scintillating love fantasy and expressed the finer and lovely moments of romance at the specific moments making the environment congenial for enjoying moments of love, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue sentiment of expression of moments for taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals, the visual effect of love feeling in appreciation, the romantic feeling fantasy, the lovely sentiment of love moments, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. Obviously, I like the mystic and romantic feeling in read of the title.




Edit:

Oh the moments
(Oh the Moments)

Or
(Oh! The moments)

Or
(O the moments)




Edit:

In those darkest of moments
In those darkest of nights in the moons shadow we'll find our light and in those glittering moments you'll never again see such a beautiful sight
For only in the darkest of moments, the darkest of nights is the magical time for the trapped souls to fly
For in the darkest of our light shall fly high, shine bright
Never again will we see such a beautiful sight
So I declare to make this night our night, our right to eternally shine bright


(In those dark moments
in those dark moments of nights in the moon’s shadow
we'll find our light and in those glittering moments
you'll never again see such a beautiful sight.


For only in dark of the darkest of moments
the darkest of nights is the magical time for the trapped souls to fly.


For in dark of the darkest of our light we shall fly high, shine bright.
Never again we will see such a beautiful sight.
So, I declare to make this night our night, our right to eternally shine bright.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed some words and lines, and have broken some lines of the stanza, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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453
453
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely! You have clearly voiced your feeling for your love and expressed moments of love appreciation and love action about love of your girlfriend and this speaks a great and lovely dedication to your girlfriend, I like.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the love feeling and appreciation of love of your girlfriend, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant, correct, if not complete and catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. I do not understand the use of the phrase ‘so true’ in the title; though, it is true that we literally speak true love or true fact or so true or so true fact, but I think, love is so mighty word it needs no further phrase to mean its gravity or volume, as I think, there is nothing like true love. But, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. We may remember in literature, particularly about love, we are free to express anything to add any word to add to the meaning, importance, gravity or volume of love.




Edit:

A love poem dedicated to my girlfriend - a prose poem.
(A love poem, dedicated to my girlfriend, a prose poem.)




Edit:

Two weeks have passed since we last engaged
In those joyful, romantic harmonies,
And I miss you so terribly much.

(Two weeks passed since we last engaged
in those joyful, romantic harmonies
and I miss you so terribly much.)




Edit:

Your bubbly voice and glittering wardrobe
Befittingly cling to my aching heart;
And that fond memory of humorous warmth
And immeasurable passion remains sweetly poised
On my delicate body.

(Your bubbly voice and glittering wardrobe
befittingly cling to my aching heart
and that fond memory of humorous warmth
and immeasurable passion remains sweetly poised
on my delicate body.)




Edit:

May we greet each other’s enthralling
And rhythmic dance moves once again,
And recapture the glowing innocence and robust desire
Of new love that we so longingly share.

(May we greet each other’s enthralling
and rhythmic dance moves once again
and recapture the glowing innocence and robust desire
of new love that we so longingly share.)




Edit:
For blessed love is the unquenchable desire
Of our engaging prowess and most empiric endeavors,
A starry evening sky glistening forever
Above the peaceful and joyous planet
That we call home.

(For blessed love is the unquenchable desire
of our engaging prowess and most empiric endeavors.
A starry evening sky that glistening forever
above the peaceful and joyous planet
that we call home.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and have changed words and lines, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




I am glad to read this poem and feel proud of writing this review about love after seven years of posting of this poem on this site.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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454
454
Review of Free love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have composed this poem simply and quite naturally raising a common but important question about love and activation of love and cause and effect of love in appreciation, I like. And you have voiced about the state of true love in appreciation and have tried to give us a feeling about the stand of true love and you have expressed the feeling for true love and practice of love as true love.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the message, the application and appreciation of true love, the quest about application love in life, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, comprehensible, easily rememberable, tricky, and of unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has a relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem. I do not still understand if there is anything like true love, I think, we just say, love as true love, or fact as true fact, literally and it is not easy to mean what is true love instead of love. I think love is so exhaustive word it needs no further word to express its meaning or gravity, though, we sometime use some words to express the gravity or quality of love.




Edit:
Free love
(Free Love)




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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455
455
Review of Cries!,  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

You have shared a true feeling in this poem, natural effect of cries is well worded, we also know scientific effect of cries; you have mentioned the pleas rightly, I liked.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the imagery, the monologue appreciation and flavour of taletelling and expression of the cause and effect and thoughtful appreciation of cries, the word visuals and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:
Cries!,
(Cries!)



Edit:
this is a plea to release the inner sadness.
(This is a plea to release the inner sadness.)



Edit and comments:
Cries of a perfectly,
Imperfect human.


(Cries of a perfectly
imperfect human.)
These two lines are inexpressive, and grammatically incorrect.



Edit and comments:
Bound by beautiful thoughts
and sights
of howling elements of childhood.


(Bound by beautiful thoughts
and sights
of howling elements of childhood)



These lines are inexpressive, and I find, these lines do not make a complete sentence as the lines are grammatically not correct.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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456
456
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this poem (free verse poetry) about emotional portrayal of a visual state of mind upon activities at dawn.



I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue flavour of taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals, the theme, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, significant, correct, but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable




Edit:
I swam sometimes in daybreak
(I Swam Sometimes in Daybreak)




Edit:
I swam sometimes in daybreak, below the white moon -
This phantom heart ever in embrace;
And the morning dewdrops desire the rose.
Dawn seems to breathe out honesty,
I will love the paralyzed devotion and withdrawal.

(I swam sometimes in daybreak, below the white moon.
This phantom heart ever is in embrace.
And the morning dewdrops desire the rose.
Dawn seems to breathe out honesty.
Still, I will love the paralyzed devotion and withdrawal.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann



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457
457
Review of Pathways  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent Naani poem about discovering the way home, I like.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, the discovery of the pathways in dark colour, in grey or gray in colour, or gray as colour, or grayness in shades in random shapes convened as well patterned on the ground toward home, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant, correct and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:
Somber shades of gray
Coalesce in random shapes
Patterned on the ground
A pathway ... home.


(Somber shades of gray
coalesce in random shapes
patterned on the ground
a pathway to my home.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
458
458
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have raised a common question about entity and when you find despair you hear s whispering voice and get the answer and you feel happy and satisfied, I like the poem.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue flavour of taletelling, the quest and resolution, the rhymes, the echo effect of expression, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title of the poem relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



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459
459
Review of Autumn  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Autumn has come; you have described a true and natural scene and picture of Nature and environment, and stated how you are feeling at the presence of Autumn, cold days are growing shorter and you still feel shiver indoors, and you are enjoying memories; I liked this Pleiades poem.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, the use of alliterations, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




You have not mentioned any reference or link about the form of the poem Pleiades.




Edit:

Amber leaves tumbling
Awkwardly to the ground,
Awakening memories,
Ashes of yesterday
Are glowing and smoking,
As cold days, grow shorter
And we shiver indoors.

(Amber leaves tumbling
awkwardly to the ground
awakening memories.
Ashes of yesterday
are glowing and smoking
as cold days, grow shorter
and we shiver indoors.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



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460
460
Review of Love and Need  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This speaks a love story, you tell about your love, you lovingly state how you need your love to her as you need her now, and you beg her to love you and request her not to go away and wish her to stay in your arms forever.




I love and enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, the title of the poem has relevance to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.




You have not used Author’s Notes and have mentioned a link or reference about a Shadorma. I do not like to make guesswork.




Edit:
Just love me,
I beg you.

(Just love me.
I beg you.)




Please check, I have humbly offered a suggestion, as edit, in the brackets, as above, for smoother read of the poem.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
461
461
Review of Dallas  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
In this essay you have easy said facts about our clinging nature to some matters or fact or faith or something we never know the logic or reason but we cling on to the same, consciously or unconsciously.




I liked the structure, taletelling the facts, organization and structure of dissemination of facts or stories, and the theme of the essay, and the message expressed naturally, plain, straightforward and simply.




I enjoyed the descriptions, points, factual details, feelings and emotions of the spokespersons of the stories or events, the beginning with a catch, the middle with facts and figures and the end with a quest and analysis with no suggestion or advice, stating facts as facts, leaving readers to know and live their lives.




The viewpoint about human clinging or state of clinging is well exemplified, stated, described, expressed for appreciation and understanding. It has been generalized that clinging state may be like passion or habit or something else we do not know what it is exactly and why we carry it about on anything and everything about our faith and belief and sometime or in most of the cases we bring in or cause losses or incur losses or cause sufferings to self or others, particularly when we cling to something bad and as a result of our state of clinging we take such drastic criminal action like killings.




As you have rightly mentioned a point throwing a question to the readers stating clearly why it is okay to kill people based on race, or occupation, or political viewpoint as this tells true nature of our clinging to our thought and action based on religion, caste, creed, occupation, trade, calling, social, political, economic viewpoint.




I am glad to review this essay after three years of posting because I think this is a good essay to cause awareness in human beings.




Well done; thank you for sharing this essay with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann




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462
462
Review of Crazy Love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is good that you have shared a fine aspect of love, feeling of love, emotion of love, sensing love in silence, and shared how crazy feeling for love could be or could go and could affect a mind of a lover; I liked the sentiment explored and expressed in a simple term for appreciation and understanding the state of experience and feeling for love and term love it so, as sometimes lover may have questions about love at a point of appreciation of love.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the monologue flavour of taletelling and appreciation of love in feeling and emotion, the imagery, the word visuals and the read of this poem (free verse poetry).




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Love is unseen like the wind
I walked through the valley of sins
Your eyes are like the ocean
Enticed my whole being


Your kisses are my strength
Your touch is my weakness
From the day I laid my eyes on you
My heart became yours

Actions spoke louder than words
It's like a fire that was burning
With your love I felt like drowning


Days were so good I won't forget
You're still with me but so far
Like a salt that lost its taste


I can still feel the wind blowing
Is your heart still beating?
I just want to hear the words of love




(Love is unseen like the wind.
I walked through the valley of sins.
Your eyes are like the ocean
enticed my whole being.)




(Your kisses are my strength.
Your touch is my weakness.
From the day, I laid my eyes on you
my heart became yours.)




(Actions spoke louder than words.
It's like a fire that was burning
with your love I felt like drowning.)





(Days were so good, I won't forget.
You're still with me but so far
like a salt that lost its taste.)





(I can still feel the wind blowing.
Is your heart still beating?
I just want to hear the words of love.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
463
463
Review of Flowers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem speaks about the flowers, a true gift of Nature, those just get birth from a beautiful seed, and the flowers do entice the sighs of pleasure and grow with colours and scents to offer naturally and they live as a symbol of love’s measure in the world of human beings glorifying human living with the grace and gift of colours, fragrance and love. The flowers always have many admirers as a part of Nature and it is well said.




I liked and enjoyed the acrostic, the story, the taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate and significant.

Edit and comments:
Fusion of colors with scents that
Live all around the world.
Opening slowly to tease us.
Wishing only to please us.
Eliciting sighs of pleasure.
Remaining a symbol of love’s measure.
Sweet and beautiful, a gift from a seed.



Though as an acrostic poem, it has been fantastic and it is not easy to offer my suggestions for editing, as per the nature of an acrostic, but, lines of the poem are not proper in terms of clarity of expression.




I have just offered my humble suggestions as edits in the brackets as below and I think the poem would now is expressive read better read, I know change of words is not feasible at this stage after about six years of posting:



(Fusion of colors with scents flowers
live all around the world
opening slowly to tease us and
wishing only to please us and.
eliciting sighs of pleasure to
remain a symbol of love’s measure, they are
sweet and beautiful, a gift from a seed.)




Well done; thank you for sharing this acrostic poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
464
464
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this 5-line poem. You have spoken the truth.




Confidently you have expressed the truth of a life. Inevitable death comes. Soul departs from the body. A soul gets free. Free soul goes up from its shell. Soul ascends. It is believed that soul goes up above and joins the worlds of God. At the end of our life journey, death comes, and it is well said, you believe, the soul reaches its destination and the soul joins the worlds of God.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the concept, the belief, the message, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, complete, correct, significant, if not catchy. I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, and or tricky. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

At journey's end
the soul
freed from matter's shell
ascends
into the worlds of God.


(At the end of a life’s journey
the soul freed from matter's shell
ascends up into the worlds of God.)




The 5-line stanza is not expressive, as it is not clear to me, as it has been too metaphorically stated and expressed, at the cost of brevity, I think the subject has been too mystic and implied, and I find there is loss of clarity.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, and changed words and lines, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Though, I never wonder, I am glad to read and am happy to review this nice poem and I feel proud of writing this review of the poem about death, now I read and review the thoughtful poem in public after about six years of its posting.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
465
465
Review of Kissing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem, I like, indeed, you have orderly maintained Pathya Vat, a form of the poem, as you have composed the poem in 4 lines of 4 syllables with rhymes in 2nd and 3rd line of the poem.




I enjoyed the story, the flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the emotion and the romantic feeling, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, correct, complete, and significant but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

Your lips come close
Touch those parting
My brain’s starting
To conceive joy.

(Your lips come close
touch those parting
my brain is starting
to conceive joy.)





As per the requirement of the form, the only stanza of the poem is well expressed, but it might have been better expressed as I have tried to express it as under:

Your lips came close (to)
touch those parting
my brain was starting
to conceive joy.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes.




Though I never wonder, I am glad to read and happy to review this nice poem in a special form, and I feel proud of writing this review the first one in four years, after about four years of posting here.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



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466
466
Review of The Star Kittens  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem, I like, a poem about star kittens.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the wish and expectations from the kitten; the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.




Edit:

Deneb Hokule’a, sweet
Star Kitten, you came to me
From heaven, You fell straight down
To my loving arms.

(Deneb Hokule’a, a sweet
star kitten, you came to me
from heaven. You fell straight down
to my loving arms.)




Edit:

And Altair Leilani
You left too soon, returning
To the stars you became the
Magic Star Kitten.

(And Altair Leilani
you left too soon, returning
to the stars you became the
Magic Star Kitten.)




Edit:

Together in my heart you
two will always be, one is
here to comfort me and one
in heaven to pray.

(Together in my heart, you
two will always be. One is
here to comfort me and other one
in heaven to pray.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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467
467
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this poem, your writing from the heart is evident, simple, rational, and justifiable and straightforward, you have considered today’s state and status of politics in America under Trump’s presidency, his act and activities and decisiveness about wall are well viewed impartially and within the parameters of human rights, international politics and diplomatic roles of Trump and his misleading twittering and remarks about his own indulgence of presidential act; there is clear response of the poet to the survey.




I have enjoyed the story, taletelling in righteous viewpoint, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the rhymes (except in the last stanza), the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, compact, comprehensible, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

I Agree ... Alternatively
(I Agree Alternatively)




Edit:

Instead let’s build a wall between
Trump and his entities.
I think I’d feel much safer
knowing who he wants to please.

(Instead, let’s build a wall between
Trump and his entities.
I think, I’d feel much safer
knowing who he wants to please!)




Edit:
“And what about Obamacare?
How soon should we repeal it?”
We didn’t fight for coverage
so Republicans could steal it!

“What about Obamacare?
How soon should we repeal it?”
We didn’t fight for coverage
so, Republicans could steal it!)




Edit:

Instead let’s rename it Trumpcare!
He can then take all the credit.

(Instead, let’s rename it Trumpcare!
He can then take all the credit.)




Edit:

To be honest, I’d feel better
if his daughter was with child ...
by her brother ... and on welfare.
A woman’s rights should not be trialed!

(To be honest, I’d feel better
if his daughter were with child
by her brother and on welfare.
A woman’s rights should not be trialed.)




Edit:

I’m sure when the survey’s over
Trump will tweet how much he's backed!
It’s easy to see his support
in a world of “alternative facts.”

(I’m sure when the survey is over
Trump will tweet how much he is backed.
It’s easy to see his support
in a world of “alternative facts.”)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
468
468
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is an example, I like, and how simple, easy, plain, interesting and entertaining a poem could be!



I enjoyed the story, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the taletelling, and the diction, the rhythm in expression of thoughts, the theme, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




The title of the poem is appropriate, complete, significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title of the poem is relevant to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit:

Mama’s roasting turkey,
Grandma’s baking pie;
Papa’s in the doghouse
(I can’t tell you why)!

(Mama is roasting turkey.
Grandma is baking pie.
Papa is in the doghouse
I can’t tell you why!)




Edit:

Zachy found the cookies,
Lauren sips her pop;
Caleb holds his bottle,
Drinking milk nonstop!

(Zachy found the cookies.
Lauren sips her pop.
Caleb holds his bottle
drinking milk nonstop!)





Edit:

Devon munches pickles,
Grandpa spies the peas;
Jerry snacks on olives,
I devour the cheese!

(Devon munches pickles.
Grandpa spies the peas.
Jerry snacks on olives
I devour the cheese!)




Edit:

Potatoes are still cooking,
Corn is almost done;
Coffee’s in the thermos,
Dinner is at one!

(Potatoes are still on cooking.
Corn is almost done.
Coffee is in the thermos.
Dinner is at one!)





Edit:

Salad’s on the counter,
Homemade bread awaits;
Silverware on napkins,
Next to Christmas plates!

(Salad is on the counter.
Homemade bread awaits
silverware on napkins
next to Christmas plates!)




Edit:

We now sit at the table—
Bow our heads to pray,
Thanking God for family
On this Christmas Day!

(We now sit at the table.
Bow our heads to pray
thanking God for family
on this Christmas Day!)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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469
469
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice collected poems, I like.



Though, I have enjoyed the second and third poems, but I could not understand objects of the poems in full. I expected use of Author’s Notes about the poems or some links about the type, form or nature of the poem, for appreciation of the essence of the poems.




I enjoyed the poems, the stories, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, honest paying a tribute to a special person, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is good and meaningful, but I do not find it is correct, complete, appropriate, significant or catchy; I expect a title of a poem may be in addition, interest-grabbing, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poems.




Edit and comments:

A poem that I wrote for a special person who's no longer with us in this life plus more.
(A poem I wrote for a special person who is no longer with us in my life.)



This is an inexpressive sentence; I have tried to express it expressively. The phrase or part of this sentence – in this life plus more, is not clear to me, I mean, this does not express any purpose or object clearly.




Edit:

I didn't even know her, and I probably never would,
but the story's always the same, no matter where you stood.

(I didn't even know her, and I probably never would.
But, the story is always the same, no matter where you stood.)




Edit:
Just when you think humanity is back on its feet,
on a cold October night, a young girl dies in the street.

(Just, when you think humanity is back on its feet
on a cold October night, a young girl dies on the street.)



Edit:

This senseless loss of life can't be replaced at any cost.
As time presses onward, the memory of her will be lost.

(This senseless loss of life can't be replaced at any cost.
As time presses onward, memories of her will be lost.)

Or,

(As time presses onward, memories about her will be lost.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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470
470
Review of Fog  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good haiku, you have worked, I like. Nature and human feeling are balanced and orderly exposed the state and effect of fog.




I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the flow of thoughts, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the haiku is appropriate, correct and significant. But, I think it is not catchy. I expect a title of a haiku maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the haiku.




Edit and comments:

Moisture in the air.

Obscures things you want to see.

Clouds that kiss the earth.

(Moisture in the air
Obscures things you want to see.
Clouds have kissed the earth.)




I find the first line and the last line (third line of the haiku) are inexpressive and grammatically not correct, so I have tried to offer my suggestions to edit the lines, though I understand the last line may break the syllable count, but I think it is important in terms of grammatical correctness and expressiveness.




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this haiku with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
471
471
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clear draft of a column you have written, I like.



I have enjoyed the story, the rhythmic and free flow of thoughts, the taletelling, the performance, the target fulfillment, the dedicated contribution, the planning, the target, and the read.



The title of the column is good, but I think it is neither appropriate, nor catchy; I expect the title of a column maybe in addition, appealing, attractive, captivating, interest-grabbing, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the column.



Edit:

The writing will go on

(The Writing Will Go on)

Or,

(The Writing Will Go On)



Edit:

Since November 29th I was on leave from my job due to an injury.
(Since November 29th, I was on leave from my job due to an injury.)



Edit:
Despite the pain I made good use of my time.
(Despite the pain, I made good use of my time.)



Edit:

So here I am some 30 years later and the book is finished.
(So, here I am some 30 years later and the book is finished.)



Edit:

I chose to self publish on Amazon and intend the book to increase suicide awareness.
(I choose to self-publish on Amazon and intend the book to increase suicide awareness.)



Edit:

I use a pen name but in my real life I work with juveniles.
(I use a penname but, in my real life, I work with juveniles.)



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the column, though I think it is not necessary, but I know it is important, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this column with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann




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472
472
Review of Coffee Dreams  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Excellent!



I like your poem (free verse poetry), a poem of dreams, and a poem of coffee dreams.



I have enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the free and flair flow of thoughts, the monologue flavour of taletelling, the lovely and fantastic imagery, the sensational word visuals, and the read.



Title of the poem is appropriate, correct and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, captivating, compact, comprehensible, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, I find the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit:

Coffee is a part of my life and becomes part my dreams
(Coffee is a part of my life and becomes a part of my dreams.)




Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
Its rich aroma wakes
The nightingale of dawn;
Recalls my dreams to me
Like a deer calls her fawn.

(I smell coffee brewing
its rich aroma wakes
the nightingale of dawn
recalls my dreams to me
like a deer calls her fawn.)




Edit and comments:

I smell coffee brewing
And symbol by symbol
Each dream returns to rest
Its weary head against
The warmth of my soul’s chest.


(I smell coffee brewing
and symbol by symbol
each dream returns to rest
its weary head against
the warmth of my soul’s chest.)



The last line of the poem is not clear to me, I mean it is inexpressive for soul is invisible and soul is indestructible by fire, water or anything, so I do not understand what you wish to mean by soul’s chest; I am sorry, it is not expressive to me.



Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
Its scent enters my dreams
As part of the landscape
It becomes an emblem
Prevents my dream’s escape.

(I smell coffee brewing
its scent enters my dreams
as part of the landscape.
It becomes an emblem
prevents my dream’s escape.)



Edit:

I smell coffee brewing
I inhale the perfume
Of Columbia’s gold
And pour myself a cup
As the new day unfolds.

(I smell coffee brewing.
I inhale the perfume
of Columbia’s gold
and pour myself a cup
as the new day unfolds.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
473
473
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I praise your effort. I like your poem (free verse poetry).


You have shared your experience, feelings and emotions well. You have rightly expressed your helpless state and status. You have pleaded your stand nicely.


I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, and the monologue flavour of expression, word visuals and the read.


Title of the poem is appropriate and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.



Edit and comments:

"HOW CAN I TELL HIM"
(How Can I Tell Him)

Or,

("How Can I Tell Him")



I do not understand why you write the title within an inverted comma, you are not quoting someone’s speech or words, or even you are not quoting anyone.



Again, the poem is clear to express your words to yourself, I mean, you are speaking to yourself and not to others.



Further, this is an incomplete sentence.


Besides, I find your words are monologue that means you are speaking to yourself.


Thus, the expression of the title is not appropriate, correct and right.




Edit and comments:

HOW I TELL.
(How I tell.)



There is no need of writing all words and letters capitalized. When you have not written the poem all capitalized.




Edit and comments:

How can i tell that I love him?."

How can i tell what he's done for me?."


(How can I tell that I love him?"

How can I tell what he has done for me?"



This is a bad practice of writing, you have not followed grammatical rules, you have written incorrectly and inexpressively, rather you have written self-contradictorily, I mean, you have not followed rules uniformly, you have used sentences anomalously.




Edit and comments:

HOW can i tell I want to please.

How can I tell him to show the peace and love

with a beating heart.


(How can I tell I want to please?
How can I tell him to show the peace and love
with a beating heart?



Here again, you are not stick to rules, you have used sentences whimsically, not following grammar, you have mixed wrong use or you have misused rules.




Edit and comments:

How can I tell him thanks and praise

with peace within.

How can i tell him?."
I go in the silence of prayer.

(How can I tell him thanks and praise
with peace within?
How can I tell him?
I go in the silence of prayer.)



You have not used space properly. Again, you have not followed grammatical rules. I find, there is mix of misuse of rules.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
474
474
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Indeed this is a good poem (free verse poetry), I like. The nostalgic viewpoint is straight and related to the description of environment and feeling about the object is somewhat funny and awkward.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, free flow of thoughts, the nostalgic event memories, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant but it is not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, appealing, attention-drawing, attractive, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, the title has relevance to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.




Edit and comments:

It breathes memories;
the torso of a piano,
the bambilegged tables
and seats that irked
and pained our thighs.

(It breathes memories
the torso of a piano
the bambilegged tables
and seats that irked
and pained our thighs.)




This stanza is not expressive, I find, you have used poetic licence and have used the word ‘bambilegged’ instead of correct use of the word bambi-legged or bambi legged, however bambi-legged would have been better. The stanza does not make a complete sentence as divided in lines.




Edit and comments:

The room was uncared for:
broad brooding windows
gazed on a grassy nomansland
where a few inadequate trees
huddled together a woodland feel.

(The room was uncared for
broad brooding windows
gazed on a grassy nomansland
where a few inadequate trees
huddled together a woodland feel.)



For using the word nomansland is not proper here in this stanza, again you have used poetic licence, no problem, a poet has right to use a poetic licence.



Edit:

Beyond, the housing estate:
red and innocuous
spread in defiance, while
landscape rolled on and on and on
pressing far to distant lanes.

(Beyond, the housing estate
red and innocuous
spread in defiance, while
landscape rolled on and on and on
pressing far too distant lanes.)

Or,

landscape rolled on and on
pressing too far to distant lanes



Edit:

On rainy dates,
with windows smeared
i would yearn you my way
into the smug isolation
of the North Common Room:

stained with the tears
of my new-blooded love.

(On rainy days
with windows smeared
I would yearn you my way
into the smug isolation
of the North Common Room
stained with the tears
of my new-blooded love.)




Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.




Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.





Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
475
475
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is an excellent poem (free verse poetry), I like. This speaks the changes in seasons by degrees in a natural (or diurnal, regular or daily) process, and it is compulsory, people may like it or not, like other seasons, autumn comes, sometimes it comes with a shorter period.




I enjoyed the story, the taletelling, the imagery, the word visuals, and the read.




Title of the poem is appropriate, significant and catchy.



Edit:

Sun surrenders to overcast skies
Leaves change from green to red
The days get a little shorter
The air gets a little crisper

(Sun surrenders to overcast skies.
Leaves change from green to red.
The days get a little shorter.
The air gets a little crisper.)



Edit:

Gone is the heat of summer
As memories of vacation fade
Everyone buckles down and gets to work
As the holidays appear on the horizon

(Gone is the heat of summer.
As memories of vacation fade
everyone buckles down and gets to work
as the holidays appear on the horizon.)




Edit:

Break out the heavy coats
Pack away the swimsuits
Scarves replace shorts
And sandals become boots

(Break out the heavy coats.
Pack away the swimsuits.
Scarves replace shorts.
And sandals become boots!)



Edit and comments:

Some resent the encroaching dreariness
Others rejoice as the world transitions
But whether you look forward to it or not
Autumn always comes

(Some resent the encroaching dreariness.
Others rejoice as the world transitions.
But autumn always comes
whether you look forward to it or not.



In the last two lines, use of whether is not grammatically correct, because the word ‘whether’ is always used when two alternatives are possible and it is used as a conditional sentence to a sentence, for example, as shown:
Wrong use or incorrect: But whether you look forward to it or not. Autumn always comes.
Correct: But, autumn always comes, whether you look forward to it or not.



Please check, I have humbly offered suggestions, changed words, corrected lines grammatically, as edits, in the brackets, as above, for clarity, smoother and expressive read of the poem, you may use Author’s Notes about your style.



Well done; thank you for sharing this poem with us.




Keep writing for years!
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




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