*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
Review Requests: OFF
1,893 Public Reviews Given
1,893 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 12 13 14 15 -16- 17 18 19 20 21 ... Next
376
376
Review of Power Stems  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is good to learn once more that flowers have glory and power of their own as Nature provides and gifts the offer; you travel enough, visit places and have experienced and felt the truth, the power and glory flowers gift through their beauty of Nature.


I liked and enjoyed the read, the rhymes, the word imagery and word visuals, and good use of the required words for the contest.


But, the theme is not quite clear, and the point of view, and I think you need to write at least a word to help readers to understand and get into the theme fully, rightly, clearly and completely.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit and comments:
Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest;
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride,
Switzerland, Germany, Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep,
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high,
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and a warmth to retain.


(Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride
Switzerland, Germany, and Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and warmth to retain.)


Comments:
The theme is not clear and I find there is inexpressiveness in the lines of the poem; I have just tried to make it expressive. I think, you need to flesh and add some words to make the poem wholly or fully understood for appreciation.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


It is always good to add a word in Author’s Notes to help readers to understand and appreciate a work.


A writer is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment from the read. I think it is not wise to write something and place on public read and review only for writer’s own or self-pleasure, self-joy, self-pride or self-enjoyment.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2012 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your poem in about eight years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1235/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
377
377
Review of Same Old Henry  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A nice refreshing story it is, indeed, I liked.

It is easy to relate the taletelling to anyone’s life.

Friends meet unexpectedly after about a decade, they share their memories. There is no commendable or noticeable change in your friend Henry. Though, they refreshed their memories and shared a lot of facts reluctantly and happily. That nature or habit does not change in man for years.

I liked and enjoyed the read, the beginning and the end.

Title of the short story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a short story maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the short story.


Edit:
"What's it been, Henry? Ten years? Twelve? You haven't changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.

("What has it been, Henry? Ten, twelve years, right? You have not changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.)


Edit:
As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here's good."

(As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for toward another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here it is good.")


Edit:
Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, then the interior fell dark.

(Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, and then the interior fell dark.)


Edit:
"Yeah - you haven't changed a bit."
("My God, you haven't changed a bit.")


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words of the short story grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your short story.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2010 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your short story written in about a decade after creation of your short story.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fantastic short story with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1234/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
378
378
Review of Afterglow  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love’s glow in appreciation! Afterglow in praise!

A dedicated, selfless and unconditional lover finds love’s glow every moment of living in love, and gets as well enjoys the incessant spread and influence of glow.

Lover brings light like dawn to your dark world and finds illumination all moments thereafter and makes your life glowing.

Even today lover has left but in the twilight love’s glow lives on in your heart and you enjoy glow of love moments thereafter.

I like the poem tells about the spirit, power and energy you enjoy love’s glow and afterglow when lover leaves.

I enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Now, you've left me
and even in the twilight,
the glow of you lives on
in my heart.

(Now, you have left me,
and even in the twilight, the
glow of you lives on
in my heart.)

I have humbly offered some suggestions; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the twenty-first of your poem written in about a decade after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1232/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
379
379
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
It is nice to know you are happy keeping your heart under lock and key, saved from the world outside and you know your heart is protected from a fall as it is hidden in shadows.

I liked the poem and enjoyed the read, the word visuals and the word imagery as well the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, correct, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
in shadows it is hidden
(In shadows the heart is hidden.)


Edit:
No air, no sun,
in shadows
it is hidden.

(No air, no sun,
in shadows
the heart is hidden.)

Edit:
No kisses, no hugs,
no "I love you's"
color its soul at all.

(No kisses, no hugs,
no ‘I love yous’
color its soul at all.)


Edit:
Precautions carefully taken
to protect it
from a fall.

(Precautions have carefully been taken
to protect my heart
from a fall.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in March, 2004 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem written in about sixteen years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1229/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
380
380
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem about remembering of her lasting imperfect impressions as you remember her upon your rose coloured glasses that has a scratch, I liked the taletelling of remembering of her relation in term of her impressions while finding your impression on mirror.

I enjoyed reading the word visuals and the word imagery and the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem about someone’s impressions.


Edit:
like a chip on the edge of your glasses
(Like a chip on the edge of your glasses)


Edit:
Of all the lasting impressions
life has left upon the mirror of my soul,
I only think of you with a shudder
and a scratch upon my rose colored glasses.

(Of all the lasting impressions
life has left upon the mirror of my soul, but
I only think of you with a shudder and
a scratch upon my rose colored glasses.)


Edit:
Life has left upon the mirror of my soul
images and memories, smiles and tears.
Small fingerprints, laughter and maybe a few fears.
In hindsight, more sun than rain.

(Life has left upon the mirror of my soul the
images and memories, smiles and tears
small fingerprints, laughter and fears
in hindsight, more sun than rain.)


Edit:
I only think of you with a shudder,
the kind of ghost-on-grave walking
they used to attribute a shiver to,
in days of yore and superstition.

(I only think of you with a shudder the
kind of ghost-on-grave walking they
used to attribute a shiver to, in
days of yore and superstition.)


Edit:
A scratch upon my rose colored glasses,
mostly easy to look through.
I shan't polish you away,
but remember you as imperfection.

(A scratch upon my rose colored glasses
mostly easy to look through.
I shall not polish you away
but, remember you as imperfection.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in January, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem written in about a decade after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1227/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
381
381
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You were going to Budapest by train; you thought she was sitting beside you, you felt her presence and felt her long black hair on your shoulder, you were watching outside through window and you looked into her big brown eyes and you thought of living with her and she stared back into your eyes and thought how could you live her life.


This is a good monologue about living a life with her; you continued thinking of her in the train.
I liked the monologue and enjoyed the read.


Title of the story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the story.


Edit:
On the Train I imagine you
(On the Train I Imagine You)


Edit:
The seat cracked; nobody beside me.
(The seat cracked; there was nobody beside me.)


Edit:
I look into your big brown eyes and see the what ifs.
(I look into your big brown eyes and see what ifs.)


Edit:
You could live like that but it’s not your life.
(You could live like that but it was not your life.)


Edit:
You stare back into my eyes; not our life.
(You stare back into my eyes, not our lives.)


Edit:
And the train’s horn cries out like a battle cry; Final stop, Budapest is next…
(And the train’s horn cries out like a battle cry; the final stop comes, Budapest is next.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the story grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your story.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1226/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
382
382
Review of Love's Surprise  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Blessed! Surprises of love relation! Love in appreciation!

I liked this prose poem about your blessed and glorious love relationship. I enjoyed the read, the word visuals and imagery.

Your love, love relationship, appreciation of love, love feeling and surprising love relationship is inexpressible in words.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
The most exquisite, romantic,
And unexpected chance -
Your heartfelt stirrings
Completely ignited
My budding passions,
And I became thoroughly consumed
By your radiant and lustrous beauty.

(The most exquisite, romantic
and unexpected chance is
your heartfelt stirrings that
completely ignited
my budding passions
and I became thoroughly consumed by
your radiant and lustrous beauty.)

Edit:
Our deepest desires were fulfilled,
And we began that fateful journey
Down life's glorious path;
That neverending road of grace and inspiration
Known only to the lucky few
Who are joined in the most blessed
And sacred unions.

(Our deepest desires were fulfilled
and we began that fateful journey
down life's glorious path
that never-ending road of grace and inspiration
known only to the lucky few
who joined in the most blessed
and sacred unions.)

Edit:
We are now completely enmeshed
In our feelings of attraction and yearning...
Words cannot express
The harmonious depth
Of our joyous partnership.

(We are now completely enmeshed
in our feelings of attraction and yearning.
Words cannot express
the harmonious depth
of our joyous partnership.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in April, 2014 and I am proud that my review is written as the first review of your poem in about more than five years after its creation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1224/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
383
383
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!


This is really a poem with a moral I like. As it was a pleasant and enjoyable read all the way.

I liked the poem, the taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, the moral, the message, the free flow of thoughts, the rhythms of thoughts, the rhymes, the metaphoric use in the story, the realistic story with a good message of living and fine lesson for teaching human beings.

Title of the poem is significant, clear, complete and appropriate.


Edit:
"Once upon a time, there lived a..mouse/who spent his days searching a particular house.."
Once upon a time, there lived a mouse that spent his days searching a particular house.


Edit:
Once upon a time, there lived a finicky mouse,
Who spent his days searching a particular house,
For a worthwhile sign of some delectable cheese,
But he could never find this delicious food with ease.

(Once upon a time, there lived a finicky mouse
that spent his days searching a particular house
for a worthwhile sign of some delectable cheese
but, he could never find this delicious food with ease.)


Edit:
At last, he grew tired of his improbable plan
Of searching the house with a simple scan;
Into cupboards and drawers, he decided to dig
In search of the food, or something else big.

(At last, he grew tired of his improbable plan
of searching the house with a simple scan
into cupboards and drawers, he decided to dig
in search of the food, or something else big.)


Edit:
But hard as he tried, he still found no cheese,
Nor a food scrap or morsel, try as he please!
This house without food made so little sense –
Why would a mouse pay such an expense?

(But, hard as he tried, he still found no cheese
nor a food scrap or morsel, try as he please.
This house without food made so little sense.
Why would a mouse pay such an expense?)


Edit:
So the finicky mouse had to look elsewhere –
There clearly wasn’t any delicious food there.
He left that strange abode with nothing to eat
And searched for food in the middle of the street…

(So, the finicky mouse had to look elsewhere.
There clearly was not any delicious food there.
He left that strange abode with nothing to eat
and searched for food in the middle of the street.)


Edit:
Then a few blocks away, he found a garbage can,
And in it he found every scrap known to man.
But the cheese he found there was smelly and old;
From not being eaten, it had developed mold.

(Then, a few blocks away, he found a garbage can
and in it he found every scrap known to man.
But, the cheese he found there was smelly and old
from not being eaten, it had developed mold.)


Edit:
A creature such as this can scavenge from people;
A mouse can live comfortably, plainly and simple.
But sometimes, the humans know there’s a mouse
And lock away the food that’s inside their house!

(A creature such as this can scavenge from people.
A mouse can live comfortably, plainly and simple.
But, sometimes the humans know there is a mouse
and lock away the food that is inside their house.)


Edit:
That finicky mouse will likely not fail,
But the dignity of people must also prevail!
The moral of this story is prevention’s a must;
Those who are clueless will boom, and then bust…

(That finicky mouse will likely not fail.
But, the dignity of people must also prevail.
The moral of this story is prevention is a must.
Those who are clueless will boom, and then bust.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem in about more than a decade after its creation and posting.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.


Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1223/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
384
384
Review of Get Lost  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Superb! Clear! Convincing! Righteous!


Yes, I find this write up is full pack of thoughts, feeling, action and personal experience of love of Jesus, words from Jesus, message from Holy Spirit.


Your faith in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit is deep and appreciable, rather I find, you are so blessed, as you shared your spiritual experiences in courses of living.


You know, find, and feel the need of writing your experiences and doing other than your spiritual activities.

Title of the write up is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a work or writing or write up maybe in addition, complete, clear, appropriate, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the work. However, the title is not correct, complete and meaningful; I think it is rather metaphoric and symbolic in summation.

Because I do not find your write up is either essay or article, and it is neither a fiction nor a non-fiction, as you have not mentioned either of the same also, you have just mentioned the genres so rightly: personal, spiritual and biographical, I think your work may be called just a write up or writing or work or message.


Edit:
Oftentimes I'm in bed when the message to get up arrives. It's Jesus---at least I think it's Jesus, but it could be the Holy Spirit.

(Oftentimes, I am in bed when the message to get up arrives. It is from Jesus, or it could be from Holy Spirit.)


Edit:
The genuine book is one I purchased at Barnes&Noble when I filled up its predecessor.
(The genuine book is one that I purchased at Barnes & Noble when I filled up its predecessor.)


Edit:

Sometimes I do almost all the talking. Sometimes I do almost all the listening.
(Sometimes, I do almost all the talking. Sometimes, I do almost all the listening.)


Edit:
Often I repeat myself within what I write, asking for something or stating something multiple times.

(Often, I repeat myself within what I write, asking for something or stating something multiple times.)


Edit:
I didn't start out writing this quickly but now the words are there and they are escaping, they're chasing for the exit, they WANT OUT.

(I did not start out writing this quickly but, now the words are there and they are escaping, they are chasing for the exit, they want out.)


Edit:
And now I think that writing these things down is a sort of lesson in itself.
(And now I think that writing these things down is a sort of lesson in it.)


Edit:
What a fine and beautiful gift that is.
(What a fine and beautiful gift that is!)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the write up grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work. You have not used Author’s Notes.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2015 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your work in about four years after its creation.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this work with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1222/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
385
385
Review of Happy You  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem about showing of happiness.


I liked the poem because it promotes a good question that we often feel and wish to expect action of others about feeling and expression of happiness.


You do not like that happiness should be expressed or shown before you anyway but you want others to feel happy or happiness at your action but you wish others should not show or display or mention or express the state of happiness before you.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
Happy you
(Happy You)


Edit:
for all those who still got it hurting
(For all those who still got it hurting.)


Edit:
I said I want you to be happy
And I really meant it
But I never asked you to display it
And I am well aware of what happy could mean
But I never wanted to picture you living it
It hurts because I never get close to it
It hurts because it would make me think of all the could have beens
I hate the happy you
Because I am not the reason why
But still want you happy
I stand by what I said
But please don't show me it.


(I said I want you to be happy
and I really meant it.
But, I never asked you to display it.
And I am well aware of what ‘happy’ could mean.
But, I never wanted to picture you living it.
It hurts because I never get close to it.
It hurts because it would make me think of all the ‘could have beens’.
I hate the happy you.
For, I am not the reason why.
But, still I want you happy.
I stand by what I said.
But, please do not show me it.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes. I find, you have not mentioned ‘genre’ of this poem properly or rightly.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1220/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
386
386
Review of I Believe  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an interesting story I have read and I liked the taletelling of the fiction, the theme, the free flow of thoughts, the characterization, the development of the plot and simple art and style of expression but I did not like the ending.


You have tried to express your belief about existence of ghost as you have described about your experience of seeing a ghost and believing the causal stand of ghosts as you have taken every care to narrate your experience of the existence of ghosts in reality.


You have not mentioned at the end who really believed your belief, other than one George who believed you partially.


Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the fiction.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1217/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
387
387
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this 5 line poem in a special format about your cause of feeling disturbing when you are all alone and waiting in line.

You have expressed clearly why you feel waiting in line is disturbing, scaring, shivering and fearsome when you are all alone and stand in alone in darkness; it is well said and well done.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Waiting in line a terrifying Thought
(Waiting in Line a Terrifying Thought)


Edit:
Darkness,
a fear of the unknown,
and the thought of waiting in line,
these things send shivers up my spine
when I am all alone.

(Darkness
a fear of the unknown
and the thought of waiting in line
these things send shivers up my spine
when I am all alone.)


Or,

(Darkness, a fear
of the unknown and the thought of waiting in line, as
these things send shivers up my spine
when I am all alone.)


Comments:
This is not done within the form that you have followed, I think, this is more expressive, so I have done it in four lines and not in the format that you have complied with.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in March, 2012 and I am proud that my review is the seventh one of your poem in about seven years after its creation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1215/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
388
388
Review of Too Old  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice poem I like.

I liked the simple art of expression, good taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery, the rhythm of thoughts, the free flow of thoughts, the experience of living, the righteous state of living, and the spiritual lessons about good living.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
I can't do it over and don't want to.
(I cannot do it over and do not want to.)


Edit:
I've grown too old.
This frail failing body is as worn,
As the frayed shoe laces,
I don't try to tie anymore.
Just tuck them inside soft welted shoes,
Alongside my swollen feet,
Beset with diabetic misery.

(I have grown too old.
This frail failing body is as worn
as the frayed shoe laces and
I do not try to tie anymore.
Just tuck them inside soft welted shoes
alongside my swollen feet
beset with diabetic misery.)


Edit:
My heart is weak and warrants,
An implanted timer for my ticker.
I don't think about it much.
What's really worrisome,
Is possessing a passionate,
Youthful mind imprisoned,
Inside an unsightly body,
Slowly depleting.

(My heart is weak and warrants
an implanted timer for my ticker.
I do not think about it much.
What is really worrisome
is possessing a passionate
youthful mind imprisoned
inside an unsightly body
slowly depleting.)


Edit:
I've done the math.
True sin would be to sell,
My last hours of precious life,
To profit someone else,
Telling lies the boss wants told.
Doing the wrong things,
To the wrong people,
In the wrong places.

(I have done the math.
True sin would be to sell
my last hours of precious life
to profit someone else
telling lies the boss wants to tell
doing the wrong things
to the wrong people
in the wrong places.)


Edit:
Having wasted life's sweetest wedge,
I gaze into Mr. Death's dull frigid eyes,
And feel sorry.
I can't do it over and don't want to.
But I can hold up my hard history,
To school survival in a scary world,
To give my family reassurance,
Like grandma's gracious comforter,
And love others as God loves us all.

(Having wasted life's sweetest wedge,
I gaze into Mr. Death's dull frigid eyes
and feel sorry.
I cannot do it over and do not want to.
But, I can hold up my hard history
to school survival in a scary world
to give my family reassurance
like grandma's gracious comforter
and love others as God loves us all.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in July, 2016 and I am proud that my review is the second review of your poem in about three years after its creation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1214/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
389
389
Review of Before I Go  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes, this is a poem, indeed, and it was a pleasant read.

Of course, I liked the emotional theme of love and say about love before the last moment of living, and the flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the word imagery, the rhymes, the rhythm of thought in flow, orderly taletelling, clear and simple expression.

Before you go, you had to speak something to your special person and express your wish about your love to the special person.

Title of the poem is significant, appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
I feel my time approaching, but there's one special person I need to say something to.

(I feel my time is approaching, and I think there is one special person I need to say something to.)

Or,

(I feel my time approaching, but I think there is one special person I need to say something to.)

Or,

(I feel my time approaches, but there is one special person I need to say something to.)

Or,

(I feel my final day is approaching, but there is one special person I need to say something to.)


Edit:
There’s so many things, I want to say,
Before I face this final day.
So many places and things to see,
People I’d want to be near me.

(There are so many things I want to say
before I face this final day.
So many places and things to see
people I would want to be near me.)


Edit:
So many words, left unsaid,
Not enough time, in the days ahead,
To write what my mind, has to say,
Before all I know, flies away.

(So many words left unsaid.
Not enough time in the days ahead
to write what my mind has to say
before all I know flies away.)


Edit:
I should have told you long ago,
Of these feelings, you have to know.
They’ve passed by with hardly a glance,
Now it’s too late, we’ve never danced.

(I should have told you long ago
of these feelings, you had to know.
They have passed by with hardly a glance.
Now it is too late that we have never danced.)


Edit:
I’ve looked in your eyes; seen how they shine.
At something I’d say, some sort of sign.
I saw the tears that never fell,
You held them back, so very well.

(I have looked in your eyes and seen how they shine.
At something I would say, some sort of sign.
I saw the tears that never fell.
You held them back very well.)


Edit:
So before I go, I have to say,
“I’ve loved you forever in my own way.”
No longer unsaid, I’m at peace now,
It’s time to take that final bow.

(So, before I go, I have to say
“I have loved you forever in my own way.”
No longer unsaid, I am at peace now.
It is time to take that final bow.)

Or,

(So, before I go, I have to say
“I have loved you forever in my own way.”
No longer unsaid, I am at peace now.
It is time to take that final vow.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in November, 2011 and I am proud that my review is the twenty-seventh review of your great love poem in about eight years after its creation and posting.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.


Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My Review Number 1213/T-15102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
390
390
Review of A Walking Dragon  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a fantastic story that helps teach us live meaningfully.
There is no question of fear, we should live fearlessly and act righteously.
That we should perform our duty and never be negligent to act even a little task and avoid keeping our job pended negligently as procrastination puts us before problems.
We should keep our toilet properly washed and cleaned to maintain a healthy living.


The dream has taught you a good lesson for living.


The dragon in the toilet is symbolic and very orderly characterized to teach a moral.


This short story teaches us good state of living through performing our jobs on time to avoid problems in the future.


I liked and enjoyed the read.


Title of the story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a story maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the story metaphorically.


I feel good in writing this review of your story which was created in October, 2017 and I am proud that my review is the first review of your story in about two years after its creation.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this story with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1210/M-14102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
391
391
Review of All I want  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fine! You have composed a nice, lovely and wishful poem.

I do like your work. I have enjoyed the read. This is an explicit and dreamful desire of living most lovable living.

It is nice that you have written all you want in love, for love and enjoy a loved course of living. While you have a little doubt about fulfilling your wishful desire but you hope for achieving your passionate aim for love in life and you have faith in succeeding your goal for love.

Title of the poem is significant, correct, clear and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in terms of dream love achievement.


Edit:
All I want
(All I Want)


Edit:
I really miss you..
(I really miss you.)


Edit:
I want to see you smile,
A smile that is for me,
And I know that will never happen,
But that day I long to see.

I want to have you in my arms,
To always feel protected,
To never fear the worst,
To always love the unexpected.

I want to have your hand,
To walk with all day long,
To stay with you forever,
And to never be alone.

I want it to be ‘us’,
To never be just you,
And to never be just me.

To think it could be true,
I am not that naive,
Cause I know it's not a fairy tale,
It's only just a dream.

To have it be true,
I wish for that to be,
For you to always love me,
And never want to leave,
For you to steal my heart,
And throw away the key.


(I want to see you smile
a smile that is for me
and I know that will never happen
but, that day I long to see.)


(I want to have you in my arms
to always feel protected
to never fear the worst
to always love the unexpected.)


(I want to have your hand
to walk with all day long
to stay with you forever
and to never be alone.)


(I want it to be ‘us’
to never be just you
and to never be just me.)


(To think it could be true
I am not that naive
‘cause I know it is not a fairy tale.
It is only just a dream.)


(To have it be true
I wish for that to be
for you too always love me
and never want to leave
for you to steal my heart
and throw away the key.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words, and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1209/S-13102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
392
392
Review of Summer Joy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good Haiku poem, and I like this.

I have enjoyed the read.

A clear picture in words has made this a nice work and I enjoyed writing a review.

I find a good visual and there is explicit word imagery and expression as the youth in the summer is seen makes a joyful sight to behold as they enjoy water and makes fun under the sun.

The focus is right and nice about Nature and the relation of human and Nature is well depicted.

Title of the poem is significant and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in term of man and Nature.

Interestingly, I do not find the poem does not have rhythm and rhyme as the contest prompts or required, so I think it is not a right entry for the contest.

Yes, I understand a Haiku is composed unrhymed, as such I think a Haiku is not a fit entry for the contest, so this poem may be rejected by the judge of the contest.

I feel good in writing this review of your Haiku poem which was created in June, 2010 and I am proud that my review is the sixteenth review of your poem in about a decade after its creation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1208/S-13102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
393
393
Review of ((Screen Song))  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well, nothing is funny here, rather it is interesting as it is clear, this is an April 11 Entry, NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo 2019, I understand it is a reworking of an old piece, and I like your endeavour of this screen song.


Yes, there is nothing to dislike, a screen song in words is likeable in its form and order of production and presentation.


This song tells still some message, interesting indeed, though I expected an audio version of this screen song, if not a video production of the song, might have been included with this work.


Because you have mentioned that you are the song yourself, I mean, the song refers to you and you have mentioned your state and status.


Title of the song is significant, if not catchy or complete; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the song.


I expected an Author’s Notes included at the end of this song.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this song with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1205/S-13102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
394
394
Review of Fairies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an excellent Rictameter poem about fairies you have seen. I enjoyed the read.

The fairies are wearing modern or latest fashion designer dresses and they maintain good and modest feminine gestures for gay and happy people.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in March, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the twenty-seventh review of your Rictameter poem in about a decade after its creation.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1204/S-13102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
395
395
Review of IRON and STEEL  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
OCTOBER MEMBER TO MEMBER REVIEW RAIDS


I like this poem of making civilization and poem of history making for the future civilization and taletelling of making history for better generation and the word pictures and the word imagery and word visuals.

Being determined to blaze new trails by the grace of our strength, by sweating upon our brow, we seek new adventures and lay iron and steel and make railroad, and make a better life for the future and for the future generations.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Edit:
With the swing of our mighty hammer
laying of IRON and STEEL.

Breaking our backs and sweat upon our brow
as we forge ahead to seek new adventures.

Determined to blaze new trails
no matter the cost.

With our strength and pride we build our future
to make a better life for generations to come.


(With the swing of our mighty hammer
laying of IRON and STEEL

breaking our backs and sweat upon our brow
as we forge ahead to seek new adventures

determined to blaze new trails
no matter the cost

with our strength and pride, we build our future
to make a better life for generations to come.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1199/S-12102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

OCTOBER MEMBER TO MEMBER REVIEW RAIDS


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
396
396
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
OCTOBER MEMBER TO MEMBER REVIEW RAIDS

Right! Inspirations and muse cause and bring in the thoughts to come out with lives to the alphas and words from the writers.


Obviously and quite naturally, writers per their passion for writing, they jot down ideas, concepts, themes and they keep them in safe places and in scribble them and give them lives with words expressing all sorts of feelings, emotions, experiences, dreams, visions, wishes, ambitions in words through writer’s art and style of expressions and bring out the writings on pieces of papers, as the writers are inspired with the experiences of living.


I liked the poem and enjoyed the read, the word imagery and word visuals.


Title of the poem is significant and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Edit:
Visions of writer's jotted down.
Drawers full of notepads,
scraps of paper and dreams.
Visions that are within our souls,
waiting to be shone the light,
while others wait.
Some are never meant to be.
Reaching from within
the depths of our souls.
Tears, pain, sorrow, laughs and love.
Gifts to stranger's we bear all.

(Visions of writer's jotted down.
Drawers full of notepads
scraps of paper and dreams.
Visions that are within our souls
waiting to be shone the light
while others wait.
Some are never meant to be
reaching from within
the depths of our souls.
Tears, pain, sorrow, laughs and love
as gifts to strangers, writers bear all.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1198/S-12102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

OCTOBER MEMBER TO MEMBER REVIEW RAIDS



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
397
397
Review of Childhood  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! You have composed a nice poem on a common subject childhood; but, I find you have dealt many facets and dimensions of childhood in appreciation as a part of song of innocent life.


You have expressed childhood as the very innocent, beautiful, pleasing, happy, adventurous, naughty but beautiful and incredible part of joyous and sweet moments of life.


You wish to get back those moments and fragmented but fragrant, enchanting and amazing days of childhood as I have enjoyed monologue flavour of appreciation of childhood days and the word imagery and word visuals.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
Childhood is the most amazing time,
The exciting life with small dreams,
A playful day and beautiful night,
Hands full of mad and clay,
Chat with friends and naughty days,
A delightful sweet memory,
Such a naughty and pleasant life,
No tension full of joy,
Playing with butterflies,
Is the wonderful childhood life,
Oh my childhood I want you back,
A beautiful bouquet of my life,
Oh my childhood!


(Childhood is the most amazing time.
It is the exciting life with small dreams
a playful day and beautiful night
has hands full of mad and clay
chat with friends and naughty days
a delightful sweet memory
and is such a naughty and pleasant life
no tension, full of joy
playing with butterflies
and a wonderful life.
Oh, my childhood I want you back
a beautiful bouquet of my life
oh, my childhood!)


Comments:
The second to the ninth line of the poem are not expressive and they are not coherent and well-linked to the first line, though; I could not change altogether all those lines, but I have tried to make those lines more expressive primarily.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets and comments with limitations as above, for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1197/S-12102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
398
398
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You seek for help, and I think, you are right, for I find, you are courageous, and you continue to struggle for living and seeking for help is quite natural.


But it is quite practical to speak that you have to do something to control your emotion and keep your emotional disruption in order by taking up right action yourself.


Your state of mind appears not in your control, so you feel you need someone’s help.


And you know you are in such a state that it is not so easy to help you, but the question remains, how people would help you, what would be the mode or method and I think, in your state of mind and physical status, it is rather hard to offer any real help but to resist you exposing your state of mind influenced by your own feeling and emotion.


Very rightly you have described your state, status of physique and physical and mental strength.


I liked the write up and your order of expression with a quest for help.


Title of the work or write up is significant, correct and complete, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find, evidently, the title of the work relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the descriptive phase of the work.


Edit:
thunderstorm in my head and heart
(Thunderstorm in My Head and Heart)


Edit:
help me...
(Help me.)


Edit:
help me please...i have so many emotions running through me right now...
(Help me please. I have so many emotions running through me right now.)


Edit:
...none of them good and i just feel so lost and like im either about to fall apart or explode..
(None of them is good and I just feel so lost and the like I do feel I am either about to fall apart or explode.)


Edit:
..like everything thats happening is just making me lose my mind and i feel like im either about to punch a wall until my knuckles bleed or burst out crying until i cant breathe...

(Like everything that is happening is just making me lose my mind and I feel like I am either about to punch a wall until my knuckles bleed, or burst out crying until I cannot breathe.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the work grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your work.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this work with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1189/S-12102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
399
399
Review of I Believe  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Really appreciable, you wish to promote an order of righteous and humane phase of qualitative living in spiritual manifestation and appreciation.


You wish, as you wish to have faith in God, and keep as well maintain an eternal universal soul.
You do believe in human values, quintessence of all cultures. For you do believe in truths and love to grow and lead your way to finer and humane living. You feel the need of keeping trust in God in between relations and leading a unified course of eternal state of living.


You have rightly prompted and simply promoted the thoughts following God’s words for making life meaningful and in full of God’s grace in all moments of living.
I liked and it was a pleasant read.


Title of the poem is significant, and correct, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find, evidently, the title of the poem relates to the theme and the thematic generalized, customary and spiritual appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
I believe in truth
and the path it shows.
I am ever grateful
for the strength it gives.

(I believe in truth
and the path it opens.
I am ever grateful
for the strength it endows.)


Comments:
No objection, I salute your thoughts, but I think as I believe by knowing truth we may visualize dimensions, paths, ways or means for I think truth itself cannot show paths, rather we conform to ways or discover webs or paths per our intelligence or wisdom and adopt the right course through feeling, appreciation, visualization of truth, and as such I think, one cannot be grateful for the strength it gives but I think, truth endows or enhances strength to the limit of our wisdom, keeping in view of the same I have edited the four lines.


Edit:
I believe in love
and the bond it forges
between you, me,
God and the rest of the world.

(I believe in love
and the bond it forges
in you, them, me,
God, and the rest of the world.)


Edit:
I believe in values
the quintessence of all cultures
that warn me of cold contempt,
complacence and cowardliness.

(I believe in human values
the quintessence of all cultures
that warn me for of cold contempt,
complacence and cowardliness.)


Edit:
I also believe in myself
a soul, the replica of the One behind many
without whose guidance
I fall apart and hell’s at my door.

(I believe also in myself
a soul, the replica of the one behind many
without whose guidance
I fall apart and see hell’s at my door.)


Edit:

I, therefore, certainly believe in Him,
the eternal universal Soul.

(Therefore, I certainly do believe in Him
the eternal universal Soul.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits and comments in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in November, 2011.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1188/S-12102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
400
400
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have composed this poem heartily expressing in order and emotionally well balanced to tell your emotional and spiritual feelings keeping God’s appreciation in a right label of your subtle spiritual feelings in realistic stand of living, keeping realistic stand of living duly weighing the circumstances to keep faith in God and living righteously.


I liked the spiritual sentiments expressed in a righteous stand point of living.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, interestingly enough, I find, evidently, the title of the poem relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:

What to do when your feelings don't matter, but apparently you do!
(What to do when your feelings do not matter but apparently you do?)


Edit:

People think it’s fair that I aim past my ceiling,
Without care or regard for what I am feeling.
My hurt, tired, mixed-up feelings matter,
I pray this to God, but why should I bother?

(People think it is fair that I aim past my ceiling
without care or regard for what I am feeling.
My hurt, tired, mixed-up feelings matter
I pray this to God, but why I should bother.)


Edit:

Having great needs, my emotions all spent,
And crying so many tears, my prayers, Heaven sent,
Have led me to believe that my feelings don’t matter,
While I’m left to ponder giving more than I bother!

(Having great needs, my emotions all spent
and crying so many tears, my prayers, Heaven sent
that led me to believe that my feelings do not matter
while I am left to ponder giving more than I bother.)


Edit:

But it will never be ideal for personal dealings
To care about me, then try to hurt my feelings!
Ideally, I would live to set the record straight –
If someone cared how I felt, then I’d be great!

(But it will never be ideal for personal dealings
to care about me then try to hurt my feelings.
Ideally, I would live to set the record straight
if someone cared how I felt then I would be great.)


Edit:

Given the truth and the promises I’ve broken,
My pain, my tears, and the lies that I’ve spoken,
Can anyone see how normal my grief is,
And how far away and distant my relief is?

(Given the truth and the promises I have broken
my pain, my tears, and the lies that I have spoken.
Can anyone see how normal my grief is
and how far away and distant my relief is?)


Edit:
To a merciful God, and Christ, we’re beholden,
But my feelings don’t matter, despite being golden!
But what I must do is trust all the best,
For these helpful folks must pass the test!

(To a merciful God and Christ, we were beholden.
But my feelings do not matter despite being golden.
But what I must do is trust all the best
for these helpful folks must pass the test.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you even today, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in April, 2009 to say about more than a decade and I am proud that my review is the first review in about eleven years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! 1181/F-11102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,029 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 42 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16