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326
326
Review of Human  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have just read a nice poem; it is so simply composed, I enjoyed the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts and good rhythms of thoughts.


I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem; however, I do not like the title of the poem for I think it is neither clear nor complete in terms and essence of the theme of the poem.


Edit:
feedback please.
(Please send feedback.)


Comments:
In description part, I find no problem here, choice is yours; you have written a request to your readers, but I find it is not expressive for it is not a complete sentence, as you have used a full-stop at the end of two words to make them a sentence.

Edit and comments:
damaged.

my heart, my mind, my soul.

tired.

sleep seems like too farfetched a goal.

lonely.

pieces missing from me that keep me from being whole.

breaking.

the obstacles they throw at me have finally taken their toll.


(Damaged
my heart, my mind, my soul
tired
sleep seems like too farfetched a goal.
Lonely
pieces missing from me that keep me from being whole
breaking
the obstacles they throw at me have finally taken their toll.)


Comments:
I think there is no need of having spaces between two lines of the poem. You have not used the Author’s Notes to help readers about your style of expression and art of writing poems. Some lines are not expressive and do not follow grammatical rules, though. I have edited to help readers read comfortably.


Edit and comments:
I’m only human

YOU should know

I’ll never be perfect

so let it go

I make mistakes

I let you down

I make you mad

I make you frown

I’m only human

just a girl

crashing and burning

my way through this world

I fall down

make a bad mistake

but that shouldn’t be

all it takes

for you to stop believing

in me…


(I am only human.
You should know.
I will never be perfect
so, let it go.
I make mistakes.
I let you down.
I make you mad.
I make you frown.
I am only human
just, a girl
crashing and burning
my way through this world.
I fall down
make a bad mistake
but, that should not be
all it takes
for you to stop believing
in me.)


Comments:
You would like to check, I have just expressed the lines of the poem to help readers read them more expressively, as you have not used Author’s Notes to help readers to know about the art and style of your expression and composition of a poem.


Edit and comments:
I’m only human

can’t you see?

I’m only human

that’s all I’ll ever be

I’m only human

I’m only human

and all I need

is for you to love me…

for me…


(I am only human
do not you see?
I am only human
that is all I will ever be.
I am only human
and all I need
is for you to love me
for me.)


Comments:
In general, shortened forms like I’m in place of I am are not used in poems for shortened forms are used in spoken language or spoken words or speaking, and here you are not speaking the poem, so I think it is good if you do not use shortened forms in a poem.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.


You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1333/Thu 31102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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327
327
Review of 4 a.m thoughts.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
You have composed a good poem, I like.

I could not enjoy the read in full for I found there are so many issues.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

Edit:
4AM thoughts.
(4 am Thoughts)

Or,
(4 A.M. Thoughts)

Or,
(4 a.m. Thoughts)


Edit:
The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4am knows all my secrets.
(The night is the hardest time to be alive and 4 a.m. knows all my secrets.)


Edit:
It’s 4:32 AM;
No sleep apparently,
And if y’all wondering what is up with me tonight then let me burst out;

I’m stuck, stuck in between being happy and sad, smiling & crying, my heart & Brain, life & death, the start & the end, stuck in between being a failure & a success.
I try thinking about my future, I see a vision, I see me being happy, I see me getting all I ever wanted, I try seeing it again & it all turns black and then I look back, and I see the happy times I spent back there, I go back & get stuck between my mistakes, I realized it was just an illusion, happiness for me was just an illusion.
I realize, all my life I have been stuck, all my life;it was the same, all my life all that change was me, all that change was my feelings, my heart, my perspective, my growth, but my life?
My life; gave me pain, made me cry just wasn’t moving on. & then these thoughts stuck within me forever:


Edits, comments and notes:
In order to help the poet and others to understand and follow the edits, I have copied the poetry, because there are space issues, other than grammatical and other issues.


Edit:
(It is 4:32 a.m.
I have apparently no sleep
and if you all are wondering what is up with me tonight then let me burst out.)


Edit:
(I am stuck, stuck in between
being happy and sad
smiling and crying
my heart and brain
life and death
the start and the end
and I stuck in between
being a failure and a success.)

Or,

(I am stuck, stuck in between being happy and sad, smiling and crying, my heart and brain, life and death, the start and the end, and am stuck in between being a failure and a success.)


Edit:
(I try thinking about my future, I see a vision, I see me being happy, I see me getting all I ever wanted, and I try seeing it again and it all turns black and then I look back, and I see the happy time I spent back there, I go back and get stuck between my mistakes, and I realized it was just an illusion, and felt happiness for me was just an illusion.)

Or,

(I try thinking about my future.
I see a vision.
I see me being happy.
I see me getting all I ever wanted.
I try seeing it again and it all turns black.
And then I look back.
And I see the happy time I spent back there.
I go back and get stuck between my mistakes.
I realized it was just an illusion.
I realized happiness for me was just an illusion.)


Edit:
(I realize, all my life I have been stuck, all my life; it was the same, all my life all that change was me, all that change was my feelings, my heart, my perspectives, my growth, but my life?

My life; gave me pain, made me cry, just was not moving on and then these thoughts stuck within me forever.)

Or,

(I realize all my life I have been stuck.
I realize all my life was the same.
I realize all my life, all that change was me.
All that change was my feelings,
my heart,
my perspectives,
my growth, but my life!

My life gave me pain,
made me cry,
just was not moving on.
and then
these thoughts stuck within me forever:)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.


You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1333/ Bhaiphonta Tue 29102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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328
328
Review of See my Mask  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fine!

I like and have enjoyed the read, and the simple and free flow of thoughts and the taletelling and the true feeling about one’s personality and how one’s personality reveals before others.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
See my Mask
(See My Mask)

Edit:
Short poem (again)
(This is a short poem, again.)

Or,

(Again, this is a short poem.)

Comments:
The description about the poem is incomplete and inexpressive. I find the poet has written something here assuming the readers can follow the description, but I think it does not attract me to follow, particularly, I being a first time reader of the poet, I feel it is not appealing to me.

Edit:
It's funny
How they think they know us
Assume they see us
All of us

(It is funny
how they think they know us.
Assume they see us
all of us.)

Or,

(It is funny how they think
they know us.
Assume they see us
and see all of us.)

Edit:
Our lives are full of lies
And yet we never stop to wonder
What we're hiding from each other
Never search for the secrets

Maybe we just know hidden things are hidden for a reason.

(Our lives are full of lies.
And, yet we never stop to wonder
what we are hiding from each other.
We never search for the secrets.)

(Maybe we just know
hidden things are hidden for a reason.)

Or,

(Our lives are full of lies
and yet, we never stop to wonder
what we are hiding from each other
and never search for the secrets.)

(Maybe we just know hidden things are
hidden for a reason.)

Or,

(Our lives are full of lies and
yet, we never stop to wonder
what we are hiding from each other
and we never search for the secrets.)

(Maybe we just know
hidden things are hidden for a reason.)

Edit:
But for once
Just one time
Would I like someone to question my smile
Look past my laugh

(But, for once
just one time
I would like someone to question my smile
and look past my laugh.)

Or,

(But for once, just
one time I would like someone
to question my smile
to look past my laugh.)


Edit:
Only once
Would I like someone to see behind the mask
Or even
Just see it

(Only once
I would like someone to see behind my mask
or even
just see my mask.)

Or,

(Only once, I would like someone
to see behind my mask
or, even just
see it.)

Or,

(Only once, I would like
someone to see behind my mask
or, even just see my mask.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1328/ Bhaiphonta Tue 29102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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329
329
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Funny! Fantastic!

Yes, I like this limerick and have enjoyed the read, and the taletelling.

I find the title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing.

Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem, however, it is not complete and clear within the spirit and essence of the theme of the poem (limerick).


Edit:
Some marine friends. A limerick for Jellyfish
(This limerick tells about a Jellyfish and some marine friends.)

Or,

(A limerick tells about a Jellyfish and some marine friends.)

Or,

(A limerick tells about a Jellyfish and some of her marine friends.)


Comments:
The description about the limerick is inexpressive and it is neither grammatically correct, nor expressive; however, I understand description is not absolutely expected to be complete, but as the poet has used sentences, so I wish the expressions may be correctly expressed. That is why I have tried to express the description expressively for a pleasant read of the description and to get a clear idea about the theme of the limerick.


About genre, the poet has mentioned Nature, Other, Other – three categories or types, but I do not understand the genres - Other, Other as I have reasons to think that the poet has given less thoughts about categorizing the genres and I think as a reader the poet has given less importance to mention the genres of the work.


Edit:
Jellyfish, off on her holiday
Goes swimming with young humpbacks each day.
Later, she's on a beach
A cold drink within reach
Imbibes it; then calls dolphins to play.

(A Jellyfish, off on her holiday
goes swimming with young humpbacks each day.
Later, she finds, on a beach
a cold drink within her reach.
It imbibes her and then she calls dolphins to play.)

Or,

(A Jellyfish, off on her holiday
goes swimming with young humpbacks each day.
Once, she finds on a beach
a cold drink within her reach.
It imbibes her, then she calls dolphins to play.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem (limerick), grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your limerick (poem).


You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem (limerick) which you created in October, 2016 and now I feel happy to send the third review of your limerick within about three years, after creation of your work (limerick) placed on for public read and review.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this limerick with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1327/ Bhaiphonta Tue 29102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
330
330
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! This is a good poem about a heart and purposes of a heart, and I like and have enjoyed the read, the word imagery, the word visuals and the free flow of thoughts.


I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem, but it is not complete.


Edit:
What’s A Heart For
(What is a Heart for)

Or,
(What’s a Heart for?)

Or,
(What is a Heart for?)


Edit:
A special poem about the human heart and its purpose.
(This is a special poem about the human heart and its purpose.)

Or.
(A special poem tells about human heart and its purpose.)

Or,
(A poem tells about human heart and its purpose.)


Comments:
The description about the poem is inexpressive and I find it is not grammatically correct.
I do not find anything special mentioned or expressed in the poem about human’s heart and purpose of a human heart.

I never discourage the poet in giving or using a special word and it is not unfair, but I think by adding an adjective or a special word to highlight the poem is not appreciable, as the poem itself speaks whether it is a special poem or not. Likewise, a reader does not move or I say, a reader is not influenced much or a reader is not much inspired when a poet gives an extra status or word to speak about the nature or status of a poem, by adding some words ‘extraordinary poem’, or ‘great poem’ the like. I think there is nothing special that a poet can tell about a human heart or a heart of a man, today.

As the poet has already mentioned courteously, politely, gently and wisely that he does not know much about a heart, to say, to him, knowledge about a heart is not clear.
Besides, poetically and in a general voice, the poet has asked questions to discover, learn more about a heart and he wishes we should try to learn the purpose of a heart, because he thinks it is not easy to discover specifically or in a word the purpose of a human heart, for purpose of a heart may be different to different persons and it is derivative, so one cannot say everything about purpose of a heart in a word or briefly or in detail.


Edit:
What's a heart for
What can it be
How does it seem
Is what it feels real
Or is what is real

(What is a heart for?
What can it be?
How does it seem?
Is what it feels real?
Or, is what it is real.)


Or,
(What is a heart for
what can it be
how does it seem
is what it feels real?
Or, is what it is real.)


Edit:
Please don't
It's not what I wish
Not what I require
If you want to help
If you want to play a part
A role in the performance
Of my life and not your own
I ask of only one important thing
An honest display
Of one of your attributes
One that I find
Inexplicably impossible


(Please don't.
It is not what I wish.
Not what I require.
If you want to help
or, if you want to play a part
a role in the performance
of my life and not your own
I ask of only one important thing
that is an honest display
of one of your attributes and
one that I find
inexplicably impossible.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in March, 2013 and now I feel happy to send the seventh review of your work within about seven years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1326/ Bhaiphonta Tue 29102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
331
331
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fantastic poem I like and have enjoyed the read, the word imagery and word visuals.
I could not enjoy the read fully for some mistakes.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
In love with a celebrity
(In Love with a Celebrity)

Edit:
Words of a fan to his favorite blogger
(Words of a fan address to his favorite blogger.)

Or,

(Some imaginary words of a fan were sent to his favorite blogger.)

Or,

(Words of a fan sent to his favorite blogger.)

Comments:
The sentence is incomplete or grammatically incorrect, as this is an incomplete and inexpressive sentence. The description of the poem is incorrectly expressed. I have tried to offer expressive sentences as per the theme of the poem.

Edit:
Just a glance then the following.
In a world full of stars i find a need to start.
Start a journey many are scared of, path so narrow even champions give up on.
Tender as i am i have decided to queue, Yes! Queue for the attention of my celebrity.
I follow her on social media like my preferred religion and every single word she writes seems personalized for me.
Permission granted so let wild thoughts patrol my soul.
Wish it was different but my body fantasize over an unrealistic dream.
I can't permit myself masturbate because perturbed is my spirit and that's enough to get me high.
Speechless speechless, yes I'm in love with a celebrity, the kind of lady I’ll empty my imaginary account for and through whom I’ll fill my wallet.
A kiss is enough but like any man i want more, more of her glory.
May i be the man behind your successful career.
I love you 💕


Edit, comments and notes:
Since the poem has plenty of errors, mistakes in expressions, and for saving time in the job, I have tried to edit the whole poem after giving a copy of the poem so that all concerned can follow the edits and comments.

(Just glance then the following.)

(In a world full of stars I find a need to start
personalized for me.)

(Permission granted, so let wild thoughts patrol my soul.)

(I wish it was different but, my body fantasize over an unrealistic dream.
I cannot permit myself masturbate because, perturbed is my spirit, and
that is enough to get me high.)

(Speechless! Yes, I am in love with a celebrity, the kind of lady
I will empty my imaginary account for, and
through whom, I will fill in my wallet.
A kiss is enough but, like any man
I want more and more of her glory.)

(I may be the man behind your successful career.)

(I love you!)

Edit, comments and notes:
Since the poem has plenty of errors, mistakes in expressions, and for saving time in the job, I have tried to edit the whole poem after giving a copy of the poem so that all concerned can follow the edits and comments.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1325/ Bhaiphonta Tue 29102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
332
332
Review of Raven  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the poem and have enjoyed the read, if not fully.

I do not get a clear view of the bird at the read.

I find the title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
A view of "the bird".
(A poem describes a view of the bird.)

Comments:
This description is not expressive; I mean, it is not a complete sentence, this is grammatically incorrect.

Edit:
Blue, black, shiny bird,
Beady eyes so unfriendly,
Message very clear.

(Blue, black, shiny bird
beady eyes so unfriendly
but, a raven’s message is very clear.)

Comments:
This stanza of the poem is inexpressive; the lines are grammatically incorrect. A title of a poem is expected to have relevance to the poem. The lines do not express clearly the view of the bird. Telling about the view of the bird is not expressive.

Edit:
Eating frogs and fish,
Wanting to be left alone,
Stay away from here.

(Eating frogs and fish
wanting to be left alone
stay away from here.)

Or,

(Eating frogs and fish
wanting to be left alone
should stay away from here.)

Comments:
These three lines are not expressive in terms of the view of the bird, I think the lines are not properly addressed, while telling is appreciable but the view of the bird is not clear in expression, the word visuals and the word imagery are not intense.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in February, 2009 and now I feel happy to send the thirteenth review of your work within about eleven years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1322/ Annakut Mon 28102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
333
333
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Well, I find you have composed a good poem, lyric or lyrical poem. I have enjoyed the read, and the free flow of thoughts.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:

AN EXCHANGE WITH LION CUBS
(An Exchange with Lion Cubs)

Comments:
I do not like use of all capital words to write a title of a poem, lyric or lyrical poem. I think there is nothing specific of using all capital letters writing a title. Methinks, I feel awkward reading all capital letters as I think it does not serve any specific purpose.

We can use all capital letters of a title of a poem when we write an acrostic poem for convenience in reading the title and by doing so we can help readers to keep in mind about the type of the poem, that is, acrostic, because in acrostic poem each letter is used in the beginning of each line of an acrostic poem. For example, if the title of the poem is ‘GOD’ the acrostic poem will have three lines using each letter G, O, D capital to begin each line of the acrostic poem.

Thus, for clear purpose, in case of an acrostic poem for convenience in reading, we can use all capital letters to express a title of a poem.

There is no hard and fast rule about writing all capital letters in a title of a poem, lyric or lyrical poem.

In news headlines or headlines we can use all capital letters, though for practice.


Edit:
A poem for and about my wife. A love poem, that is.
(This is a love poem for and about my wife.)
Comments:
The description is inexpressive and not correct grammatically.

Edit:
“Lion cubs, lion cubs,
You are too young to visit pubs,
You don’t play a piano, nor blow a horn,
So what do you like?” “We like to learn!”
“Oh! I’m guessing with all my might...
What do you learn?” “We learn to bite!
We mean no scoffing and mean no slighting,
But, say, how can we hunt without biting?”
“Lion cubs, I too can tell
That those who don’t bite don’t hunt very well.
But, I suppose, you have more in store
For me to consider?” “Yeah! We learn to roar!
Because we find extremely boring
Any hunt which goes without roaring”.
“Being not inclined to rave,
I tell you the truth, lion cubs, you’re brave!
And who are your relatives? Cats and lynxes?”
“And girls as well, ’cause we are sphinxes!”
“If you are sphinxes, so let me, please,
Squeeze you because girls are good to squeeze”.
“Of course, you may, we are inviting,
If you don’t mind our roaring and biting”.

Note:
For shortage of time, this is done.

(“Lion cubs, lion cubs
you are too young to visit pubs.)


(You neither play a piano, nor blow a horn
So, what do you like?” “We like to learn!”)


(“Oh! I’m guessing with all my might
what do you learn?” “We learn to bite!)


(We mean no scoffing and mean no slighting
but, say, how can we hunt without biting?”)


(“Lion cubs, I too can tell
that those who do not bite, or do not hunt very well.)


(But, I suppose, you have more in store
for me to consider?” “Yeah, we learn to roar!)


(Because, we find any hunt extremely boring
that goes without roaring.”)


(“Being not inclined to rave
I tell you the truth, lion cubs, you are brave!)


(And who are your relatives? “Cats and lynxes?”
“And girls as well, because we are sphinxes!”)


(“If you are sphinxes, so let me please
squeeze you because, girls are good to squeeze.”)


(“Of course, you may, we are inviting
if you don’t mind our roaring and biting.”)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem or lyrics.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem, or lyrics or lyrical poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1321/ Annakut Mon 28102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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334
334
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like this interesting poem and enjoyed the read, the comedy and the flow of thoughts.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

However, I do not find the use of the word 'hazards' appropriately to explain the theme of the poem.


Edit:
Joe de-cultters
(Joe de-clutters.)

Or,

(Joe declutters his life.)


Edit:
Joe tried to de-clutter his life,
Remove all the stress and the strife,
Gave huge boxes away,
But at dawn the next day,
Was unable to find his wife.

(Joe tried to declutter his life
and remove all the stress and the strife.
He gave huge boxes away.
But, at dawn the next day
he was unable to find his wife.)

Or,

(Joe tried to declutter his life
and remove all the stress and all the strife.
He gave all huge boxes away.
But, at dawn the next day
he could not find his wife.)

Or,

(But, at dawn next day
he could not find his wife.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in March, 2013 and now I feel happy to send the fifteenth review of your work within about seven years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1320/ Annakut Mon 28102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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335
335
Review of I Am the Lord  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Really, you have done a good free verse, I like and have enjoyed the read, but not in full.

Comments:
I can only say, as I wish to explain it, all free verses are poems but all poems are not free verses, I know a free verse does not have rhymes, but a poem may have rhymes or may not have.

Comments:
You have fulfilled the contest requirement. You have composed a free verse. But you have mentioned as poetry.

Comments:
I do not think the title is appropriate in term, spirit, essence, need and theme of the work as it is evident, as I find your expression representing yourself as the Lord is not expressive, there are confusions, you have not represented yourself to express either clearly as the Lord or God, seems to me that you also represent yourself as God.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem. However, the title is not appropriate.

Edit:
I Am the Lord
(I am the Lord)

Edit:
“Be of good courage”, he told me.

My life is at risk and my future uncertain.

Yet, when have I failed to have courage

or trust my Lord? Never.


(“Be of good courage”, He told me.

My life is at risk and my future uncertain.

Yet, when have I failed to have courage

or trust in my Lord? I have never.)


Comments:

Who tells to whom? It is not clear in the stanza.



Edit:
Untrue, a voice whispers to me.

You relied on your own thinking,

taking what was not yours, then

tried to hide your sin from Me.


(‘Untrue’, a voice whispers to me.
You relied on your own thinking
taking what was not yours, and then
tried to hide your sin from Me.)

Comments:

In the stanza, you have used the word ‘me’ in the first line and ‘Me’ in the fourth line above, I understand what you try to mean, but it is not expressive, rather, it appears confusing to me at the first read.

Moreover, author or writer of a work on public read and review does not appear to assume too much or expect too much from the readers, because time is precious, even if words are understandable on assumption, because readers’ enjoyment in the read is more important that a writer’s own or self-enjoyment, self-pride, self-wisdom, self-appreciation, self-understanding, or self-entertainment.



Edit:

“Be of good courage, he repeated,

and He shall strengthen your heart.”

I have been living in His strength.

Why must I see everything go wrong?


“Be of good courage, he repeated,
and He shall strengthen your heart.”
I have been living in His strength.
Why must I see everything go wrong?


Comments:
Again, the speaker is not clear in the above stanza.

As you have written ‘His strength’ means God’s strength, you wish to mean, I think. And here you are representing yourself as the Lord, I understand.

But in the first line you have mentioned ‘he’ what does it mean, who is the speaker, I do not understand.



Edit:

Again, the whisper came. Did you expect to

Choose your grief? You invited these

Consequences—and knew you would

See sorrow. Again you regret your choice.


“All you who hope in the Lord”, Joab finished.

I can only hope in Him and pray He rescue me.

I am weary of suffering and loss and cannot

Save myself. Lord, please grant me mercy.


I will see you safely home again, David.

I set you on that throne and provided all

You possess. I grant My mercy to you;

Yoi remain a man after My heart.

I Am the Lord.

(Again, the whisper came. Did you expect to
choose your grief? You invited these
consequences—and knew you would
see sorrow. Again you regret your choice.

“All you who hope in the Lord”, Joab finished.
I can only hope in Him and pray He rescues me.
I am weary of suffering and loss and cannot
save myself. Lord, please grant me mercy.


I will see you safely home again, David.
I set you on that throne and provided all
you possess. I grant My mercy to you;
you remain a man after My heart.

I am the Lord.)

Again the speaker is not clear and how it is addressed.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your free verse poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in February, 2019 and now I feel happy to send the third review of your work within about nine months, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this free verse poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1317/ Annakut Mon 28102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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336
336
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem speaks something more than a relation; I mean, this free verse speaks more than paying a tribute to your friend.

You remember her as you miss her and do care to remember her great personality more than a friend to your family and you lost her today. You could never forget her smiles, laugh, caring and helping attitude and friendly relation.

I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts and expressive grace of telling her state and stand of relation with your family.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.


Edit:
We lost a friend today.
Cancer stole her body, her health.
Though it tried, it couldn't dim her spirit,
couldn't change her strength even as it sapped her energy,
couldn't diminish her joys and hopes
for those she dearly loved
even as it wound down her heart's clock.
Too young with too much left to do,

(We lost a friend today.
Cancer stole her body, her health.
Though it tried, it could not dim her spirit
could not change her strength
even as it sapped her energy
but, could not diminish her joys and hopes
for those she dearly loved
even as it wound down her heart's clock.
She was too young with too much left to do.)


Edit:
no one had her long enough,
and we, we wish she'd had more, so much more.
We lost a friend today;
one with wit who joked about dimmer switches
even as that switch dimmed even more
leaving us in the dark.

(no one had her long enough
and we, we wish she had had more
so much more.
We lost a friend today.
One with wit who joked about dimmer switches
even as that switch dimmed
even more, leaving us in the dark.)


Edit:
Yet we must smile as we remember bits and pieces
of lost conversations, gentle hugs and puppy past-times,
of hearing her talk of her children and her dreams.

(Yet, we must smile
as we remember bits and pieces
of lost conversations, gentle hugs
and puppy past-times,
of hearing her talk
of her children and her dreams.)


Edit:
Memory smiles yet again
and the darkness dims.
We lost a friend today
but she shines in our hearts,
oh...yes... she shines ever brightly.

(Memory smiles again
and the darkness dims.
We lost a friend today
but, she shines in our hearts.
Oh, yes! She brightly ever shines!)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your free verse which you created in September, 2006 and now I feel happy to send the tenth review of your work in about thirteen years after creation of your free verse.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this free verse with us.

Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1314/Kali Sun 27102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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337
337
Review of Love has a Visage  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent poem as you have explored an unhealthy relation between a mother and a child and tried to tell us how to overcome it as I read, I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals, the word imagery and monologue flavour of appreciation of the relationship.


I find the title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.


Edit:
I used to think
Love looked like you,
My first sight to go with my first breath,
You held me like the world rested in my soul,
And no longer on your shoulders,
And when you laughed,
Or sang sweet lullabies,
I thought,
That’s what love sounds like,
And when you cried,
It was the sound of all the hearts in the world collectively breaking,


(I used to think
love looked like you.
My first sight to go with my first breath
you held me like the world rested in my soul
and no longer on your shoulders
and when you laughed
or, sang sweet lullabies.
I thought that is what love sounds like
and when you cried
it was the sound of all the hearts
in the world collectively breaking.)


Edit:
I remember when I worshiped you,
Put every martyr to shame,
I revered you,
How strong you had become,

(I remember when I worshiped you
put every martyr to shame
I revered you
how strong you had become.)


Edit:
When you told me you loved me,
Mom,
It was the only promise I needed,
But you were never any good at keeping promises,
And now I see false prophet,
And I crave the blasphemy of another's hands,
And when I hear love,

(When you told me you loved me, Mom
it was the only promise I needed.
But, you were never any good at keeping your promises
and now I see false prophet
and I crave the blasphemy of another's hands.)


Edit:
And when I hear love.,
It is in the sound of her song,
In their whisper,
In his laugh,
I do not forget that love once looked so much like you,
Nor do I doubt that for you,
Love looked like me once,

(And when I hear love
it is in the sound of her song
in their whisper, in his laugh,
I do not forget
that love once looked so much like you.
Nor do I doubt that for you
love looked like me once.)


Edit:
But I found prettier things,
I chased them when you stopped singing,
Followed them in wooded places,
And even when they hurt,

(But, I found prettier things.
I chased them when you stopped singing
followed them in wooded places
and even when they hurt,)


Edit:
When the briars came and tore my flesh,
It stung less than the brambles you left me with,
And when it held me,
It was so soft in its danger,
Knowing that any moment,
It would change its face again,
Sing a new song,

(When the briars came and tore my flesh
it stung less than the brambles you left me with
and when it held me
it was so soft in its danger
knowing that any moment
it would change its face again
and sing a new song.)


Edit:
With my first breath,
Came my first love,
Momma,
And I see shadows of you in it now,

(With my first breath
came my first love, Momma
and I see shadows of you in it now.)


Edit:
When I look at love,
She still has your eyes,
He has your wit,
And their tears no longer sound cacophonous,
There is no more shattering of hearts in their sobs,

(When I look at love
she still has your eyes
and he has your wit
and their tears no longer sound cacophonous.
There is no more shattering of hearts in their sobs.)


Edit:
But I remember you,
And when Love says I love you,
It is still the only promise I need.
(But, I remember you
and when Love says I love you
it is still the only promise I need.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1313/Kali Sun 27102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
338
338
Review of The Silver Doe  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A simple and enjoyable poem, I have read, and enjoyed the story, and the art and style of taletelling, the rhythm of thought with a twist, a moral, a lesson for living, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, the natural state of animal behaviour and treating a man, partial or restricted rhymes of the poem.


I do not understand the description about the poem you mentioned under the title of the poem.
The mention of the genres - Fanfiction, or Fantasy, is not clear to me, rather, I think genres are not appropriately mentioned and promoted in clear term of reference in the work of your poem.


You have not used Author’s Notes properly to help readers appreciate the theme and style of your expression.

In absence of a word or hint about the contest or prompt of the contest, you have waived the readers’ right to know about the contest and you have put a reviewer in dilemma to review rightly.
And you have put the readers and reviewers before challenge about the contest. You have assumed much about the readers and reviewers about the contest.

As it is evident you have waived the right to enjoyment of the readers placing the posting on public read and review, and obviously, you have given inadvertently more importance to your self-enjoyment, self-entertainment or self-pride than that of readers and reviewers enjoyment in the read.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme, subjective in essence.

Comments:
Promptly Potter. Day Twenty-Two.
This description is not clear to me, as I find it is inexpressive.

Edit:
The silver doe prances through silver fields
Grazing gently upon silver flowers
She offers protection of silver shields
While those around her stoop and cower

(The silver doe prances through silver fields
grazing gently upon silver flowers.
She offers protection of silver shields
while those around her stoop and cower,)

Edit:
The silver doe is beloved by many
Her protection offered to those who ask
You can ask her thoughts for a penny
But silently she prances, concealed by deer mask

(The silver doe is beloved by many.
Her protection offered to those who ask.
You can ask her thoughts for a penny
but, silently she prances, concealed by deer mask.)

Edit:
The silver doe is conjured by a man in black
She shields him with her body, though she loves the stag
The man is protected during a dark attack
But when he's safe his heart remains in tattered rags

(The silver doe is conjured by a man in black.
She shields him with her body, though she loves the stag.
The man is protected during a dark attack
but, when he is safe his heart remains in tattered rags.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in May, 2017 and now I feel happy to send the first review of your work in about three years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1310/Kali Sun 27102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
339
339
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
You have described the characters and the associates of Tamanna Chandel, I like the description but I could not understand the story.


You have mentioned the lines --- ‘Their relationship ended in October of their college freshman year when she wrote and told him she found someone new. A week later, he moved in with Tammana, Eve, and AmberLynne.’ – in the lines, I do not understand ‘their relationship’ and ‘when she’ (who is she? as you do not clarify the person here) and again I do not understand the phrase – ‘she wrote and told him (who does refer to ‘him’? Because, you have not mentioned any name here;) again, I do not understand – ‘he (who is the person? You have not mentioned here) moved in with Tammana, as there is no character named Tammana, there is one character you mentioned in the beginning – Tamanna Chandel, really, it is confusing, and I think, you have to edit these lines as I have mentioned here, and again, you mentioned here two other names (or characters) Eve, and AmberLynne and you have not introduced them anywhere in the description (of the work).


You have mentioned the genres to follow in the work: ‘Detective, Thriller/Suspense, Erotica’ and I do not find the genres you have followed really in the work.


Again, in the description, you mentioned your work as Other • Detective, so this is again, confusing in terms of the essence of the work you have done.


Edit:
Oct 16 Characters
(October 16 Characters)


Comments:
The title is not clear to me, I think, it is totally confusing and inexpressive, I cannot make out the point that you are talking about here, it is not clear, whether you are talking about the date that is October 16 or 16th October, or about 16 characters; if you refer to 16 characters, I do not find you have mentioned 16 characters in your work.


Besides, you have not categorized your work, I mean, the nature or type of work, whether it is an essay or an article or a prose or story or fiction or non-fiction or any other thing, for I understand, ‘Other’ is not a type, and as you have mentioned, that means, you are not sure about the type or nature of your work, I think.


I find the title of the work is good enough, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing.
However, I find the title is confusing, unclear, inexpressive and not grammatically correct.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions.


Thank you for sharing this work or write up with us.

Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1308/Saturday 26102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
340
340
Review of Prelude to Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice poem in 6-9-9 or 24 syllables, speaks about birth as prelude to life, I like.

I find the title of the poem is significant and appropriate.


Edit:
Birth is prelude to life,
Joyously growing into being,
Evolve into purpose for living.

(Birth is prelude to life.
Joyously growing into being
evolves into purpose for living.)


Comments:
I think birth is a word that does not go with or relate to the word ‘prelude’ for I know prelude means and refers to an introductory performance, event, or action preceding a more important one; a preliminary or preface, and I know birth does not refer to anything like prelude, but a poet can use a poetic licence and can use the phrase ‘birth is prelude to life’ for birth relates to life.
Poet has not used any Author’s Note about use of the phrase to help readers to appreciate and understand the essence of the phrase.

Though, I find the second and third line are not expressive and I think these two lines do not refer correctly to the first line of the poem and grammatically.

Besides, birth is not a performance, I think, I mean, birth is an existence and it does not refer to any performance, but it is a causal existence.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in April, 2019 and now I feel happy to send the first review of your work in about six months after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1307/Saturday 26102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
341
341
Review of Moon and sun  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the poem and have enjoyed the read, but I could not enjoy the read fully for the entire poem is inexpressive and there are many sentences grammatically incorrect.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem. However, the title is grammatically incorrect.


Edit:
The moon and sun
(The Moon and the Sun)

Or,
(Moon and Sun)


Comments:
The title of the poem is not only incomplete or inexpressive but also grammatically incorrect.


Edit:
an expression of feelings after being hurt by love.
(A poem tells an expression of feelings after being hurt by love.)


Comments:
The description about the poem is not a sentence, though you have put a full-stop at the end of a group of words. Besides, the line is inexpressive and does not make a complete sense. I have expressed it as a sentence.


Edit:
Love is a disease
That shows up when you miss
your soul and your peace
by thinking her kiss

(Love is a disease
that shows up when you miss
your soul and your peace
by thinking her kiss.)


Comments:
Even by thinking, one cannot miss one’s soul for I know soul is invisible and indestructible, so it is wrong to say that you miss your soul, moreover, soul is untouchable.

Edit:
love gives you a pain
like a non stopping rain
makes you insane
by collapsing your brain

(Love gives you pain
like non-stopping rain
makes you insane
by collapsing your brain.)


Comments:
Pain is uncountable and rain is also uncountable; ‘a pain’ and ‘a non-stopping rain’ both the phrases are grammatically incorrect.


Edit:
How can a heart decide
Without hearing the mind
When it can't even hide
Its internal fight

(How can a heart decide
without hearing the mind
when it cannot even hide
its internal fight?)


Comments:
The lines are not grammatically correct.


Edit:
you didn't had to run
I had nothing bad done
jus wanted you on my zone
but we are like moon and sun .

(You did not have to run.
I had nothing bad done.
Just I wanted you on my zone
but, we are like moon and sun.)

Or.
but, we are like the moon and the sun


Edit:
i have to deal your lost
but it is really cost
cus when i think what i want most
it's you being my heart's host

(I have to deal your loss
but, it really costs
Because when I think what I want most
it's you being my heart's host.)

Comments:
The lines are inexpressive and not grammatically correct, I could not even corrected the last two lines.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected some lines and sentences of your poem, grammatically, for better expressions. You are free, at liberty to accept or reject any of the comments and or the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Nothing Impossible! Can Do Anything Feasible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1305/Saturday 26102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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342
342
Review of Pepper  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem or free verse about our or your funny friends, they maybe zebras or dogs or horses or goats, and dogs and horses.

We or you may love and like them as funny friends, or friends like peppers the pungent black or white spice produced from the dried fruit of this plant, used as a condiment in India and across the world.

I like and enjoyed the read in a metaphoric scale of contrasting or colourful thoughts and comparison of the act of our (or your) love and like of the animals or your (or our) friends who may appear funny animals to many of us (or the readers).

But, I think those who know about the animals, they may or may not think the animals as their funny friends, because I think, dalmatian and trots are not common animals.

Title of the poem or free verse is significant, though metaphoric, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, clear, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title does not directly relate to the theme of the poem or free verse. But, I like the sentiment of the title.

You are free to accept or reject any of the comments.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1301/Th 24102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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343
343
Review of VIQ  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a funny poem, you wait for your very important quartet (VIQ) friends for their funny or apparently strange act as the song ends, and the show by your VIQ is to begin; I liked the taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery, and the free flow of thoughts.
I enjoyed the read.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, appropriate, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
Very Important Quartet has arrived,
Now it is time for the show.
Butterflies in our ears and makeup on,
Now it’s time to go.

(Very Important Quartet has arrived.
Now, it is time for their show.
Butterflies in our ears and makeup are on.
Now, it is time to go.)


Edit:
Our costumes are striped and rainbow,
The scarves all turned the right way.
We’ve practiced for hours and hours,
Just to sing one song today.

(Our costumes are striped and rainbow.
The scarves are turned the right way.
We have practiced for hours and hours.
Just to sing one song today.)


Edit:
The audience waits expectantly,
A breathless hush in the air.
The pitch pipe sounds through the room,
And we take the tune-up with care.

(The audience waits expectantly.
A breathless hush is there in the air.
The pitch pipe sounds through the room.
And we take the tune up with care.)

Edit:
Bass, baritone, lead, and tenor,
All fulfill their part.
But the best part of the song is
How it’s sung fervently with heart.

(Bass, baritone, lead, and tenor
all fulfill their part.
But, the best part of the song is
how it is sung fervently with heart.)


Edit:
The song ends, the overtones still ringing,
And a moment of silence begins.
Next moment, there’s thunderous applause,
For us, the VIQ friends.

(The song ends, the overtones are still ringing
and a moment of silence begins.
Next moment, there is thunderous applause
for us, the very important quartet friends.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Truly, I do feel good at writing this review of your poem which was created in September, 2007 and I feel proud of writing the first review of your work in about thirteen years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1296/Th 24102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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344
344
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
You are a thoughtful person, right it is to express, everyone has a story to tell or make and others can make stories upon thoughts about someone special or likeable, everything is possible in thoughts and the story about the Big Man can be easily relate to, and I find you have narrated the story well about your state of wonderment.

I like and have enjoyed the read.

Title of the story is good enough, if not catchy; I expect a title of a story maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.

Truly, I do feel good at writing this review of your story which was created in October, 2014 and I feel proud of writing the fifth review of your work in about five years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this story with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1295/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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345
345
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I liked and enjoyed this story about a mother’s cultural, religious or love concern of her son’s health or life.

A mother’s psychological action over her son is eternal, I mean, a mother’s praying to God is a customary habit like breathing, and you have highlighted it well in taletelling.

Title of the story is significant and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a story maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.

Truly, I do feel good at writing this review of your story which was created in September, 2007 and I feel proud of writing the thirty-ninth review of your work in about twelve years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this story with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1294/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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346
346
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like how simply and rightly you have expressed about the unexpected, true, offensive and awkward happening with you.

I have enjoyed the taletelling, the word visuals and the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
Why did it happen to me?
(Why did It Happen to Me?)

Edit:
Music echoed through the floorboards,

Sitting quietly on the chair.

A boy moved up close to me,

Closer, closer.

(Music echoed through the floorboards, sitting
quietly on the chair, a boy moved up
close to me, closer and closer.)

Edit:
I felt his hand rubbing up my leg,

It ran up my body,

I questioned his moves,

What are you doing?


(I felt his hand rubbing up my leg.
It ran up my body.
I questioned his moves,
what are you doing?)

Edit:
He said 'you know what I am doing',

I said 'I don't know what you are doing'.

(He said 'you know what I am doing'.
I said 'I do not know what you are doing'.)


Edit:
I'm showing you the life you're missing,

Showing you the love, the sex and the kissing,

Yes, it's the life that you are missing,

The love, the sex and the kissing.



No! I don't want to do it.



Her cries, her screams,

Fell upon deaf ears.


(I am showing you the life you are missing and
showing you the love, the sex and the kissing.
Yes, it is the life that you are missing
the love, the sex and the kissing.
No! I do not want to do it.)

(Her cries, her screams
fell upon deaf ears.)


Edit:
I said no,

He didn't listen.

I cried out,

He didn't listen.

I tried to push him off,

He didn't respond.

Why did it happen to me?

(I said no.
He did not listen.
I cried out.
He did not listen.
I tried to push him off.
He did not respond.
Why did it happen to me?)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, sometimes a higher rating is given hoping for reading your next writing better, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Truly, I do feel good at writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2006 and I feel proud of writing the fifth review of your work in about thirteen years after creation of your work.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1291/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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347
347
Review of I am what I am  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have liked and enjoyed the read of the poem so clearly and expressively composed as I liked the taletelling about you or your personality or your self-attitude and self-style of living and rating yourself as a man that you know what makes you in your own eye and what you wish to be as a model in others.

I have enjoyed the flow of thoughts and the taletelling about your self-portrait.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence and in summation.

Edit:
I am what I am
(I am What I am)

Edit and comments:
I`m just gonna do what MICHAEL wants to do

It`s my life and nobody else`s

I AM WHAT I AM

I AM WHAT I AM

I AM WHAT I AM

I AM WHAT I AM

I AM WHAT I AM

(I`m just gonna do what Michael wants to do.
It`s my life and nobody else`s.
I am what I am.)

Comments:
I do not like and find any valid reason of repetition of the same lines for giving emphasis or drawing attention of the readers. I could not enjoy the repetition.

Edit:
I am who I was meant to be

I am what I was set out to be

I am proud of my many accomplishments and achievements

I am proud of my many mistakes, failures and misfortunes

I am proud of the things I can do

I can walk with pride knowing that I have a place in the world

I can walk with a smile knowing I can make an impact

I can be who I want to be

Whatever the future holds

Screw it

(I am who I was meant to be.
I am what I was set out to be.
I am proud of my many accomplishments and achievements.
I am proud of my many mistakes, failures and misfortunes.
I am proud of the things I can do.
I can walk with pride knowing that I have a place in the world.
I can walk with a smile knowing I can make an impact.
I can be who I want to be!
Whatever the future holds!
Screw it!)


Comments:
In the aforesaid lines of the poem, I have suggested some changes to enhance and boost the right the mood in the readers, I think. I have enjoyed the echo effect of expression and alliterative spirit and flavour of expression.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, sometimes, a higher rating is given hoping for reading your next writing better, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1290/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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348
348
Review of Miss Beazley  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I liked this fiction; the story is so nicely expressed. I enjoyed the read, the beginning of the story has a catch and the middle is well described and the end is so interesting to read for the charm of the story ends with the climax and resolution at the same time in the last sentence.

Title of the fiction is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the fiction in essence and I like the title.

Edit:
"I will run and draw their fire. Hide in the basement with the broken window".
("I will run and draw their fire. Hide in the basement with the broken window.")

Edit:
At the alley's end, she hovers behind a dumpster waiting for the boys to catch up.
(At the end of the alley, she hovers behind a dumpster waiting for the boys to catch up.)

Edit and comments:
Hold it ... hold it ... NOW!

(Hold it, hold it, now!)

I think this is not expressive. The point is not clear. Though, I understand what you wish to mean. But readers are not always prepared to assume; you would appreciate time is precious. Speaker is silent here.

The sentence is not expressive, I understand the point, but I find the sentence is not clear to me for I am a forgetful reader and I have limited time to revise or remember. The place is not clear in the sentence given below:

She jumps out onto the sidewalk.

Please check, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above.

Truly, I do feel good writing this review of your fiction which was created in May, 2016 and I feel proud of writing the seventh review of your work in about four years after creation of your work of fiction.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this flash fiction with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1289/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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349
349
Review of Stocking Stuffer  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nothing is funny; it can happen, reason is evident, fact is appreciable, event might have caused by Santa, as you believe, so you discovered Santa has resized the stockings, and you have expressed it so simply.

I liked the poem, the taletelling, the stocking revealed, nothing lost.

I have enjoyed the fantastic story, the word imagery, the word visuals, the free flow of thoughts, and the read.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.

Truly, I do feel good writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2010 and I feel proud of writing the eighth review of your poem in about nine years after creation of your work.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1288/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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350
350
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
You have slated and painted the adventure in words so well; I liked the work and enjoyed the taletelling about the state and status of living of gypsy men, who are not as tough and bold as they think, and the realistic characters and dialogues.

I liked most the beginning of the story with a catch, and enjoyed the curious ending.

Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy.

Truly, I do feel good writing this review of your fiction which was created in April, 2011 and I feel proud of writing the first review of your work of fiction in about nine years after creation of your work of fiction.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.
Nothing Impossible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1286/We 23102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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