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550 Public Reviews Given
1,204 Total Reviews Given
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151
151
Review of Left Hanging  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is so believable. The dialogue is well written and the expressions that are almost tangible can be felt and seen in the minds eye while reading.

You have done a good job with character creation. She (your main character) handles this well and like it might be handled in real life.

A good piece, interesting.
Journey
152
152
Review of To Be Young Again  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Using "old man" in the first few sentences seems redundant. Try to find another term to describe him.

When you introduce the old man's name, "Peter," it is almost a shock...you need to introduce it a little earlier in the story or wait until 2 paragraphs down when he introduces himself to the child.

Close your quote in the 19th paragraph.

The ending is a surprise - and the surprise is needed for it to make sense. Otherwise, this exceeds a 9-year old's ability for cynicism.

This is an interesting work. It kept me reading.
Thanks for allowing me to raid your port!
153
153
Review of The Whistle  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
An interesting read.

Problem: You need to explain why the elder is incapable of blowing the whistle.

Strengths: You have a very good command of language and vocabulary. Your imagination is strong and you are able to convey your thoughts well.

I expect some day you will be publishing your work! keep writing!!
154
154
Review of Behind Brown Eyes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
One of my favorite lines is, "I can feel the love rolling down my face." That is a powerful poetic statement. As the poem goes on, it loses its strength and becomes more contrived. It has great potential and is a very enjoyable read....just needs to find the strength that the first couple of lines promises.
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