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550 Public Reviews Given
1,204 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Email Song  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

Having lost my father 10 years ago, this poem struck a chord with me. You have done a good job of stating the reasons you miss your dad. I found it especially poignant that you couldn't find the darts and wanted to know where he left them.

I could easily hear this set to music since it already has a sing-song quality.

The only possible problem that i noted was the words great grand dad. I think it should be written great-graddad.

I enjoyed reading this poem. It is very timely with Father's Day right around the corner.

I hope I have imparted something that you may use in your writing but always remember that this is YOUR work. Discard advice that is not helpful.
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52
52
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

I began reading this story and laughed out loud thinking that I was going to read a wonderful comedy about our soldiers finding humor in Iraq. The story opens with the young soldier remembering that it is his 20th birthday and he had joined the Army to escape his hometown of Nowhere, Arizona and 120 degree heat to be shipped to Nowhere, Iraq and the same heat. It sounded like my son talking.

It seems I am reading this on the wrong day since my son just returned to Iraq today, because the story soon gave way to the battleground that Iraq has been for our men and women.

Despite having none of the comforts of home, soldiers try to find humor in their living conditions. The author has captured their spirits in this piece. The writer tells of them riding in a jeep with six other soldiers who have not had baths in a week.

The jeep is attacked and a female soldier pulls our protaganist to safety and keeps him there protecting him. She is killed in gunfire. The story closes with the young soldier presenting the flag to the mother of the young female soldier who had saved his life.

I saw no grammar or punctuation errors. The story was structured well and was easy to follow.

Thank you for bringing the plight of our service men and women to the readers of WDC. You have done an exemplary job of treating the war heros with humor and compassion without passing judgment on the validity of whether or not we should be there.

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53
53
Review of Holy Path  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

What a lovely poem - which is actually a prayer to our Creator. I love the opening line which reminds me of the wording of old hymns, not at all the non-traditional prayers that we hear today. This poem has an old-world quality to it.

As I was reading it, I felt a reverence for God that made me want that kind of closeness. I was certainly able to identify with, "Give me the strength today and tomorrow
To face what I must the grief and sorrow"

Rhyme is forced in some places which takes away from the fluidity of the prayer but it is still very beautiful. It challenges me to go higher in my own spiritual life.
Thank you Piewhackett1
Keep writing such heartfelt spiritual pieces.

I hope I have imparted something that you may use in your writing but always remember that this is YOUR work. Discard advice that is not helpful.
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54
54
Review of I Fight For You  
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a wonderful sentiment.... such sweet loving words.
The second line, "I breath for you" should be "I breathe for you."

Also, this poem seems to need punctuation to slow down the pace. I would use semi-colons in the first paragraph. This slows the action down withouit stopping it - and then again in the last stanza. In between needs periods and commas. Punctuation sets the pace of the poem.

It's a lovely piece!
Keep writing!
55
55
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
What a beautiful poem. I don't give a lot of 5's but this poem most assuredly deserves it. I love the loose translation of Psalm 23 which is one of my favorite psalms. This poem reads fluidly and only occasionally has wording that causes the reader to halt, but not enough to cause a problem.

*Flower1* Story:
The poet tells a beautiful story that is almost a modern translation of Psalm 23. This is lovely. I love the opening lines, "In pastures green, awake I lie,
Bedazzled by the clouds on high -
They move with such astounding grace."
These three lines set the tone for a peaceful reading that makes the reader feel as though they are totally stress free... a nice way to be in this day and age.

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
Even when the poet speaks of the torment of pending storm and the peace leaving, there is not a feeling of apprehension for, "Then ‘cross the field a Shepherd walks,
He smiles at me, but never talks.
His presence does my fear erase."

*Flower4* Fresh language:
The language used is easy to read and uncomplicated. I feel that anyone reading this poem could understand it and catch the tone that the writer is trying to set.

*Flower5* Imagery:
What beautiful imagery, lying in a beautiful pasture, watching clouds float by, the Wonderful Shepherd walking by with a gentle smile upon his Holy face erasing all fear. I love this peaceful poem and it will go into my favorites.

*Flower6* Sound:
The rhyme of this poem is very good... I had to go back and pick out your rhyming lines. It is beautiful.

*Flower1* Structure:
Three stanzas make up this lovely poem of 10 lines per verse. It is structured for easy reading and accomplishes that purpse.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
I found nothing wrong with this poem. I truly loved it. As I read it for the third time, I realized that I wanted it in my favorites so that I could come back to this place of peace when I need it. Thank you for this. I feel that you had divine inspiration when you wrote it.

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56
56
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a wonderful story of commitment to each other (as husband and wife) and commitment to your children. Having been married 15 years before we were able to adopt our wonderful son (who is now 23 and serving in the Army in Iraq), I can understand the love and emotions that you felt for your children.

This is not only a story about the trauma of your children, but your early years of marriage and how decisions you made affected your relationship.

Might I suggest that you put spaces between your paragraphs for easier reading on-line? I copied into a Word document and enlarged the font for easier reading.

Other than a need for space between paragraphs, I didn't see errors. There does seem to be a little too much white space in some areas.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story with the WDC community.
God bless you and your sons!
Nita
57
57
Review of Blackberries  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Poetry Critique


*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
I read this poem with a certain amount of nostalgia... I remember many times picking blackberries and having the little briars stick in my fingers and hands... and legs... and anywhere they could get through clothing even. As I was reading, I had the feeling that this is more a prose piece than poetry - and then saw that it is a PI poem. I have written one PI poem myself back over a year ago.

*Flower1* Story:
The poet has told a lovely story of picking berries with mother. I can easily see the story unfold.

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
For this reader, there is wonderful emotional appeal since I have had this same experience with, not only my mother, but my other siblings.

*Flower4* Fresh language:
"hidden from view under leaves in maternal care" speaks to me. The protectiveness of the leaves makes the fruit something that is not only desired but actively sought from its hiding place.

*Flower5* Imagery:
The imagery is wonderful from the opening line to the closing lines where the blackberries are made into a jar of jam.

*Flower6* Sound:
As I read these lines: "Today, the memory cleaves to
those old bushes standing in solace without theatrics," I have to think that what you are saying is that when the poet sees these blackberry bushes, memories come forth. As written it is a little awkward.

*Flower1* Structure:
This is a short poem written in free verse, PI format. It is easy to read, has short lines, and a definite beginning and ending.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
I enjoyed reading this piece of nostalgia. Please keep writing! I'm sure your readers are legion!

Please keep the comments that you feel are helpful and discard anything you think is not... this is still your baby.


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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58
58
Rated: E | (4.5)
Short Story Critique


*Flower1* Beginning:
The first paragraph invites the reader into Amanda's story. You feel the pain as she longs for her love.

*Flower2* Characters:
Amanda is very believable, a woman grieving for what used to be.

*Flower3* Structure:
The story has good structure, taking the reader from Amanda's house to a cemetary on the hill near her house - through her fantasy, and back home.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
Much of the story is a monologue,Amanda speaking to her dead lover. But then her fantasy has a dialogue between the two of them. This didn't work so well for me.

*Flower5* Settings/Descriptions:
The setting, home and cemetary is much more believable than the riverboat that appears and Amanda boarding it in her fantasy... that didn't work as well for me.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
The format is nice... clean and easy to read. I saw no misspelled words. Grammar was good.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
I know that fantasies are just that... fantasies, but nothing in the story had lead up to this reader believing in Eric as a riverboat gambler, although I do admit it is creative. And, I do admit to enjoying the story.

Please keep the comments that you feel are helpful and discard anything you think is not... this is still your baby. Write on!!


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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59
59
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a good piece... a testament to personal responsibility and taking control of our addictions (no matter what that addiction is). I liked the ending... taking responsibility no matter who tells us otherwise.

The statement, "Now that we have a better understanding of attitudes, we can look at the attitude of powerlessness and begin to understand why it is the leading contributor to addictive behavior," is a somewhat shocking statement and one that I had not considered... until now.

I may read this article occasionally and watch my own addictions be broken. As you said, addictions don't have to be drugs or alcohol. Each of us has our own set.
Thanks for this article.
Nita



*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
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60
60
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

Oh my gosh! What a wonderful piece! This was hilarious from start to finish.
The only thing I didn't like was the use of the "c" word in the last paragraph... women hate that word.
Sadly, this is almost a true campaign speech. lol
Please write more like this. The world needs more laughter.
Nita

I hope I have imparted something that you may use in your writing but always remember that this is YOUR work. Discard advice that is not helpful.
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61
61
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very expressive of living the blind life. There quite a few errors in spelling and grammar.
"Like a angle sent from above" I think you mean
"Like an angel sent from above"

There are numerous other places with those kinds of errors.
I note that you are new to WDC. You will receive a lot more reviews if people enjoy your writing. It is easier to review a poem that is error free.

The story of this poem is very good. I am sure that being blind would be very difficult. I am deaf and it is sometimes very difficult. We live the life that is dealt us and try to make the world a better place because we are here. We can be bitter... or we can be better. I choose better.

Keep Writing!!!

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62
62
Review of Secret Dreamer  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this!
I love the first two lines. They set the pace for the poem.
The last three lines wrap it up very nicely.
The poem is thought provoking and shows a measure of thought that you put into making it a readable and understandable piece. It is simple, and yet very complex in some ways.
You appear to have talent with writing.
Keep on writing and posting!
And Welcome to WDC!!!
Nita


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63
63
Review of Friendship  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I hope you showed this to your youth pastor. He deserves to know that he is so loved, respected, and cared for. There is nothing like knowing that someone cares... and nothing worse than feeling that they didn't.

"We know it’s your time to move on
Just remember that we will always love you"

This is a sweet sentiment... that you give them the right to move on and leave you, even if it hurts you... but you continue to love. That is love. Let's hope he finds success where ever he goes.

I'm not so sure I would consider this poetry. It seems more like prose.
Share this with him. Let him know that you loved him.
Keep writing!
Nita

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64
64
Review of I Like Spiders  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I read your description, "The details about our arachnid buddies are scientifically correct." I have NO doubt! *Bigsmile*

What a cute little poem! This is the kind of poem that 4th grade boys would love. The detail is really very good... enough so that it creeps me out. I hate spiders!

My favorite line(s):
The last verse is my favorite simply because this is the way that I think of spiders...I don't want them near me.

My least favorite line:
I really had no least favorite line. I thought of my son when he was a little boy and how much he would have enjoyed this piece...and how he would have tried to torment me with it.

You accomplished what I think your purpose was, a memorable poem which is also fun to read. It can be enjoyed by both adults and children.

Very sweet!


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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65
65
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this. Audra linked it to me because she thought I would like it.

My son is in the Army. Right now he is deployed to Iraq but even when he is out, his base is in Germany so I don't get to see him much. I am in agreement with what you said about your grandma. It is hard to be a mother whose son is at war. In a sense, time does stop. In another sense, time is counted in seconds instead of hours because you want so badly for the time to pass.

I am so glad that you were able to connect so deeply with your uncle Roy and he with you. Life is funny sometimes. We don't always understand why things happen... the important thing is that they do happen.

Thank you for this piece. I truly did love it.
66
66
Review of Kiana Rose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Coujo,
again you have written something that touches the heart on a very deep plain.

My least favorite line:
"My fault was to blame." I think that the word "fault" is not the right word here. My sleep, my slumber... but fault doesn't work.

My favorite line:
"Like an angel
On borrowed time"

I don't know if this is poetic license, or your child died from crib death. It just seems very real and raw.
My prayers are with you.
Nita

67
67
Review of The Wall  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, Coujo, this poem is very sad.
How often we all struggle with walls that are too high, either with children, our spouses, our friends, and our extended family. Life often hands us things that we don't want to have to handle but have no choice.
My heart goes out to you as you deal with this.

The saddest verse and the most memorable is:
"I reach for you.
You love me,
And I love you,
But the wall is too high."

There was no line or verse that I did not like.
You have expressed yourself well in this poem.
Keep writing your feelings so well.
Nita
68
68
Review of River of night  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Short Story Critique


*Flower1* Beginning:
Right away this story captures the interest of the reader with the knowledge that something horrific has happened. The reader is hooked.

*Flower2* Characters:
Both the antagonist and protagonist are believable for the time period of the setting of this story. Neither are likeable but they are believable.

*Flower3* Structure:
The story has a clear beginning which builds to climax with Frenchie reaping what he had sown.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
Dialogue is believable and builds on the foundation of the story.

*Flower5* Settings/Descriptions:
The setting is described well, the river, the riverbank. The time is not spelled out but from the story you can tell the time setting.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
This is an extremely well written, well researched piece that has interest, action, and entices the reader to follow through to the ending.
The only problems I found were:
Finally, as he struggled against the suction of the river floor to extricate the pole, the rough stitches in his side give way. (I think this should be “gave” way.)

Slowly though, with firm ground under him, the terror of his encounter on the river began to fade, replaced by the sly cunning that head kept him alive so many years. (I think it should be ” …. that had kept him …”

I hope you found something worthwhile in this review. If not, discard it. But Keep Writing!!!!

*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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69
69
Rated: E | (5.0)
Short Story Critique


*Flower1* Beginning:
The story captures the readers' interest from the beginning.

*Flower2* Characters:
This exquisitely lets the reader know just how a mom would feel at watching her child die.

*Flower3* Structure:
This story builds in the short time frame to the ending of the mom singing her daughter's favorite song as her child dies.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
Dialogue is not forced. It works well with the story.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
Punctuation, grammar, and spelling are all good. I found no mistakes. The only problem I had with the story was the first paragraph where each sentence stands alone rather than blending into a paragraph

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
Beautiful, poignant and very, so very sad. I cannot even imagine the horror that a parent would experience by watching their child die, but you have expressed it well here. You have done a great job of incorporating the song title prompts (I'm assuming those were your prompts) into the story.

Please keep the comments that you feel are helpful and discard anything you think is not... this is still your baby.


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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70
70
Review of Wings  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This might work best as prose or unrhymed poetry. I realize that your lines rhyme, but you are working too hard to force the rhyme. Your rhyme is uneven though... some lines rhyme every other line, and some rhyme every line. You need to decide how you want to feel as the reader reads it. I think that you have some good ideas in this piece but need to make it congeal.

Please remember that this is your work. Keep advice that helps you... discard what hinders.


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Joy in the Journey!
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71
71
Review of Contempt  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
LOL!
OK, you definitely show your contempt for the reviewer! I certainly hope it wasn't me!
My favorite line(s):
"O,
You glutton at the table of wisdom!
Crumbs of knowledge rest on your paper;
I would but glean them and be sated,
If only I could reach!"

My least favorite line(s):
I liked all of this.
I could see you pouring yourself into this in your anger.
A good way to deal with anger... better than going after him with your squirrel rifle. LOL
You are extremely talented.
Keep writing!
72
72
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Short Story Critique


*Flower1* This review of Bram Stoker's Dracula is so funny. I smiled throughout the reading of it. The writer has quite a sense of humor.

At this point, I actually laughed out loud.
"Until you’ve been chased by one of those things in a cemetery, you really can’t appreciate just how scary they are, despite the fact they are only about a foot long."

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
This is written attractively and easy to read with short paragraphs and lines between them.

There were some places that needed work in punctuation.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
Comments about the actors were so funny. I have not seen the movie, but think that the review might be more enjoyable than the movie. Thank you for sharing this!

I hope you found something worthwhile in this review. If not, discard it.

*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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73
73
Rated: E | (4.0)
Short Story Critique


This reads like an essay or report on the life of General Custer. It is an interesting piece and is well worth taking the time to read, a nice historical refresher course.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
The piece is spaced well and is easy to read. There were some problems with punctuation:
First paragrah, put a comma after 5 and after 1839
I noted that there are other places where commas should follow dates and years throughout the piece.

This constant action gave Autie great enjoyment. In October 1862 he confided to a cousin in a letter "I must say that I will regret to see the war end[;] I would be willing,yes glad to see a battle evrey day of my life." (Date needs commas, remove bracket after end, every is mispelled.)

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
In the third paragrah, you have interjected, " I would have had trouble just remembering their names." This doesn't really belong there. The rest is historical and this brings the piece into the 21st century.

I really enjoyed reading this.
Thanks for posting it!

I hope you found something worthwhile in this review. If not, please discard it.

*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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74
74
Review of Jungle Juice High  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Short Story Critique


*Flower1* Beginning:
The story starts out slowly and never picks up the pace. Even though there are times of "excitement," they are written in a low-key manner and don't give the reader the impression of imminency.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
Dialogue is natural but still doesn't show any sense of emergency even though the people in the craft could die within hours.

*Flower5* Settings/Descriptions:
The story is very evidently set on the moon but there are no descriptions. I realize that this is not a stand alone story and is a part of a series but I felt it could be more descriptive.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
The story is set in very small type so I had to copy it into a Word document and enlarge it.
The word Orange in the 3rd paragraph should be not be capitalized since you are talking about the color orange. (I may be incorrect on this.
"even watermelon (which was just in time for July Fourth)" the verb should be were since you are growing more than one watermelon.
Navy should be capitalized.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
As I told you at the beginning of my review, science fiction is not my genre but I did enjoy reading the stories that you have written. A little work on them could make them really exciting.

Please remember that your work is your baby...only change what you feel needs to be changed. I hope you found something worthwhile in this review. If not, discard it.

*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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75
75
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am in awe of this story. You have expressed so well the agony of losing someone. When you said, "Burying my face into my knees I rock, feeling the ache build in my chest until it bursts forth in a keening cry of raw grief," it is the way that grief feels... raw, agonizing... saved inside until it spills out in an almost animalistic cry of abject pain.

My first thoughts when I began to read this story was that it almost uses too many adjectives but as the story moved on, the adjectives made the story more poignant.
Keep writing such good pieces!!


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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