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550 Public Reviews Given
1,204 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Paper World.  
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi khaki . You had asked me to read/rate/and review you a couple of weeks ago. I did so with your Haiku at that time. I am honoring your request for a 2nd review.

I realize that this is a 55 word contest and you are very limited. I do think that you have accomplished what you set out to do, write a story in 55 words. "From the vale of relations, ..." causes me to pause. I'm not certain what you mean here.

Keep writing!
Nita
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27
Rated: E | (5.0)
As I was reading this, I longed to go outside and see the beautiful day - nature in all its glory. I longed to feel the cool green grass beneath my feet and feel the breeze on my face.

The last verse tells how completely you were into your meditation - that you could not only feel and see nature, but make me feel and see nature! I don't actually meditate (just have quiet times with my eyes closed breathing in and out), but you make me want to!

Great work!
Keep writing!
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28
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this! You have beautiful imagery. I could just imagine such a lovely walk in the trees and hear the ripple of the lake waters.

Please don't stop writing! I truly believe you have talent. I hope to see you stretch and write about lots of things. Love is wonderful and many people make it their writing career, but I really think you have more going on inside than just love. Remember Thoreau! Such beauty can often be enjoyed without another person being involved.

Don't allow your writing to be held hostage by someone who doesn't know you care. Write!!!
Nita
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29
Review of For Her...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I have read this piece and have some thoughts.

In the first paragraph, you talk about London, Paris and Rome but the rest of the story is a story about high school. I think you need to rephrase what you are saying there. The remainder of the work doesn't support that kind of ending at this point. Having this come in the first paragraph seems to say that it is the way the story ends.

"The light shining through the holes scattered in the tree tops illuminated her, making her seem almost angelic," should probably be reworded to say something like, "The light shone through the leaves in the tree tops and illuminated her, making her seem almost angelic." Holes is probably not a good word here.

Not a bad story. You will grow as you write more and more.
Nita
30
30
Review of Sunset  
Rated: E | (4.0)
What an outpouring of feeling! Not many people can do this so unabashedly.

I do recommend that you take out the line ends so that your sentences run the width of your screen. The way it is (with the line breaks), at first I thought it was a poem.

Keep on writing!
Nita
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31
Review of Midnight  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece is a wonderful tribute to a horrific piece of history. You have captured well Mr. Astor and his place in our history.

Not only have you made us look at the history of the Titanic, but you have encouraged us to look at our own "midnight hour." We all have decisions to make concerning our spiritual futures - one way or the other, we make a decision. Mr. Astor made a decision to stay on the Titanic until it was too late to do otherwise. When we choose to float through life and not make a decision, we are making a decision in that indecision.

Thank you for this piece.
Nita
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32
Review of Just Pictures  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello kristiana
This really touched my heart - as an adoptive Mom, I see the other side of the coin.
I will be praying that you are able to connect with your children. I pray for the day that my son connects with his birth mom. They know about each other - just haven't connected yet.

Kristi, you have written your feelings well. Writing is a good outlet. It helps us to say what we want to say in a non-threatening way. Keep the flow going.
If you need a friend, I'm here.

*Heart* Joy in the Journey *Heart*

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33
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This made me cry. My brother was met at the airport and spit upon and called a baby-killer. He never got over that. The wounds that he received in VietNam were not visible on his body...they were wounds to his soul that led to years of alcohol and drug abuse. His story is in my port.

I want to thank you for this piece. My son is a soldier, just out of Iraq for the second time. I pray that he is able to heal.
Thank you for your service. Please feel free to share freely here. It is healing.
Nita
34
34
Review of A woman for me  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Writer's view
My name is Nita, Journey Back to Writing! . I found this piece highlighted on WDC.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

What an amazing piece. It seems that you have thought of everything.

This is not so much about your writing as about your image of a woman. What I note is that you seem capable of letting a woman be a woman and be herself. That is a great goal. I hope that you are able to find someone who meets the qualifications that you have laid out. I surmise from this that you are young and idealistic. There is nothing wrong with idealism, just make certain when reality comes your way that you don't turn it down for the ideal. I did smile at wanting a woman to take the time to be delicate. Delicate is over rated. One thing I noted that your ideal woman lacks... passion. A woman (or man) who lacks passionf or life, living, people, and events is boring. Go with passion.

I also noted that you are new to the site. Welcome.

And now for my review of your actual writing:
I cannot determine if you desire this to be a rhyming or non-rhyming piece. You seem to write in a pattern that simulates a sing-song rhyme but it isn't consistent.
"A woman for me should be genuine
Not just average but a special kind"
as opposed to:
"A woman for me should be an anchor
I should trust her to keep me secure"

There are a few times when your words are awkward. Since it doesn't appear to rhyme, it isn't necessary to make awkward sentences - just let it flow.

Keep writing. WDC is a great place to learn as you write.
Again, welcome!
Nita

*Heart* Joy in the Journey *Heart*

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35
35
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Brittany Nicole in Spookyland ,
I found this story in your port. I am reviewing for ACE Writer's Group of Excellency.

Short Story Critique

*Flower1* Beginning:
I loved the beginning of this story. Right away I wanted to know WHO came into existance and was willing to read to find out. That's exactly what the beginning of a story should do... hook the reader.

*Flower2* Characters:
The characters are very believable. The growth of the child is witnessed in the story and the things happening are age appropriate. Good job.

*Flower3* Structure:
There is a very clear beginning, middle, and ending of the story. Telling Ryan's story at the end is wonderful and draws it all together.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
You write dialogue beautifully. I was quite impressed with your ability to bring in dialogue and use it so well. Not everyone knows how to write or use dialogue in stories. You have done a great job of making each person's dialogue a different paragraph.

*Flower5* Settings/Descriptions:
You could use more descriptions. "I patted the empty space next to me and he came over to sit beside me again." Perhaps, "I patted the empty space on the rose patterned quilt next to me and he came over to sit beside me again." Or describing the angel's eyes, the feel of his hand, or the world around the little girl.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
You have done a great job with punctuation, grammar, and spelling. You do need to go in and put spaces between paragraphs to make the story more easily read.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
Other than changing the format to double space between paragraphs, the story is very easily read. I liked it tremendously. I want to read the others in your port. I do suggest though that you name them... even if it is a working name that later is changed.

Thank you for posting your story for the readers of WDC. Do not be discouraged in your writing; you write well.
Keep writing!

*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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Review of AN ODE TO COFFEE  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Adam P. Rothstein
My name is Nita, Journey Back to Writing! . I found this piece on WDC and thought I would like to review it for ACE Writer's Group of Excellency.

*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
Reading this poem was a fun experience. I had never thought of coffee being something that is common to rich and poor, old and young, criminals and those who stay away from crime.

*Flower1* Story:
The poet tells a story of how coffee is the common factor among people. It is told humorously and yet seriously. It is a thought provoking poem.

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
This isn't a particularly emotional poem, just a poem that makes you smile as you think of the facts brought up by the poet.

*Flower5* Imagery:
The imagery invoked here is of a person sitting at their table, a mug of steaming coffee between their hands, looking down into the cup and beginning to daydream about who all might be beginnng their day in the same way, with a cup of coffee.

*Flower6* Sound:
The 3 rhyming lines prepare you for the 4th line that brings you to the morning unifier... coffee.

*Flower1* Structure:
Each verse consists of 4 lines, 3 rhyming and then a non-rhyming line. The language of this poem is very creative; "When Serpico comes knockin’, a lawyer can help your cause," is a great line.

*Exclaim* OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
My overall impression of this piece is that the writer thought long and hard to bring together alcoholics, drug addicts, janitors, fops, teachers, cops, lawyers, politicians, the good hearteed, and the smug. What a great poem! I would make two changes to this poem. One would be to add "But" to "Coffee begins my day" in the first verse. The second change would be to add a last line "But Coffee begins our day" as a last definer for the poem. The last verse is good, but because it doesn't end the same way, it feels incomplete.
Keep writing! This was wonderful!!

*Heart* Joy in the Journey *Heart*

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37
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Old Warrier, sorry for not realizing this was your piece. That's what I get for not reading the header.
I am reviewing it again with that in mind:

I give this a 5 because it says so much about the south that southerners feel. And actually, you speak the way southerners speak in this piece.

The only suggestion I have is to make it in verse form. It's great writing!
I think you are a Southerner at heart.
I love it!

Nita
38
38
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I give this a 5 because it says so much about the south that southerners feel. And actually, you speak the way southerners speak in this piece.

The only suggestion I have is to make it in verse form. It's great writing!
Why Merl, I think you are a Southerner at heart. *Smile*
Thanks for showing me this! I love it!

Nita
39
39
Review of A Masterpiece  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jazz Smith
My name is Nita, Journey Back to Writing! . I found this piece on WDC and thought I would like to review it for Ace Writer's Group of Excellency.

*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
I could only tell that this is a poem about a child from the description. This could have been written to anyone whom you love. It reads easily and feels good on the tongue.

*Flower1* Story:
It is telling the story of (I am assuming by the description) a mother talking to her child. She is explaining to the child how wondrously he or she was created.

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
I found it to be a very sweet piece that touched my heart as a mother.

*Flower5* Imagery:
I could see a mother caressing a baby's cheek with the back of her hand and smiling down on him in his crib as he sleeps. It is a very sweet image.

*Flower6* Sound:
I like the sound of the words. They flow easily on the tongue. I love this verse:
"The almighty hand that stroked
your each and every line
thought of you as not another...
yet, something so divine."

*Flower1* Structure:
Three short verses comprise this poem. Each line is short and compact stating the love of a mother for her child in each verse.

*Exclaim* OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I like this poem. It has an ease of rhyme that makes it a gentle poem to read. There is one line that I think needs to be broken since the other two verses each have four lines.
"You're beautiful
An angel must've painted you.
How else could such a gift of humanity come true?"
I think you should put a line break after gift.

Other than that, I saw no spelling errors. This was an enjoyable read.
Keep writing!

*Heart* Joy in the Journey *Heart*
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40
40
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello aralls
After you and I spoke about this piece, I thought I would like to review it for Rising Stars. I'm glad you asked me to read it. It was a pleasure.

Short Story Critique

*Flower1* Beginning:
The beginning is not action packed but it does cause the reader to read further.

*Flower2* Characters:
The characters are wonderful. The fact that this could be non-fiction from the picture at the bottom makes it even better. The children are precocious and the gradfather has a great deal of strength as the family patriarch.

*Flower3* Structure:
This short story is made up of a great deal of dialogue which makes for short paragraphs that are easy to read and hold interest.

*Flower4* Dialogue:
The dialogue is really good. The characters speak as real people speak. The dialogue is not stilted or stale. Sentences in dialogue are structured to be natural. It just feels good.

*Flower5* Settings/Descriptions:
The writer has done a good job with descriptions. The grandfather with his long beard as well as the rain drenched sign is described so effectively that it is easy to imagine them. I could imagine the story as it progressed.

*Flower6* Manuscript Presentation:
Any problems that I found were told you prior to me writing this review so you have taken care of them. I found no misspellings. Grammar is very good.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
You know that I always enjoy your stories. You have captured a wonderful family experience in rural America. I absolutely loved it.

Keep Writing!

*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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41
41
Review of The Pineapple  
In affiliation with TEN 4 TEN SUMMER REViEWING WOR...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Tim Chiu
My name is Nita, Journey Back to Writing! . I found this piece on the public Request a Review page.


*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
On reading this piece, I was struck with the thought that this is not a poem at all but prose, perhaps essay. I could see the vast pineapple fields and the fruit growing. To the pineapple lover whom I am, my mouth was watering through out the reading.

*Exclaim* OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
The poem told a great deal about the pineapple but it does not engage the reader. It reads like a description rather than a literary piece. There were no misspelled words. Punctuation should be looked at in light of it being more like prose. It seems to be sentences that have just been broken into lines:
Example:
"The tropical plant and its fruit, native to Southern Brazil and Paraguay, is unique in its appearance, flavor, and worldwide appeal."
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. Keep Writing!

*Heart* Joy in the Journey *Heart*

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42
42
In affiliation with TEN 4 TEN SUMMER REViEWING WOR...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Poetry Critique

Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,
My name is Nita Journey Back to Writing! . You are receiving this as a Ten for Ten Workshop review...not for assignment...just because.

*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
At first reading I felt this was a somber poem that was almost depressing! Then I got to the last line and I laughed out loud. It seems that you just want what most men want out of life. *Bigsmile*

*Flower1* Story:
This poem tells of love ending and the lack of finding the story-book romance that we all hear of but few find. Your defining line is, "Pure love is perfection which few attain."

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
This poem touches the emotion first with lines that are a little bit gut-wrenching, "But when it ends – as has often occurred
both feel the pain of stitches ripped out!" And then ends with a laugh that separates you from the pain of the poem.

*Flower3* Tight Writing:
Lines are written in actual sentences, which is somewhat unusual, but the sentences are tight and don't waste many words.

*Flower4* Fresh language:
I had to smile at "fresh language." How much fresher can one get than asking someone, "Can't we just be friends... ...with benefits?" I have to say that this is definitely fresh. I've never, in all of my reading of poetry had that question pop up. *Smile*

*Flower5* Imagery:
The imagery is powerful, heart pain so intense that it is physical and a person who is cut off from others, "we start to avoid
attempting to extend beyond our reach" because of the sour experience that love can sometimes be.

*Flower6* Sound:
The first verse sets the tone for most of the poet and I found myself reading it in a tone that shows the hurt portrayed... and then you go and blow it by throwing in the last line and make me giggle out loud.

*Flower1* Structure:
Four verses consisting of four lines each - many of them complete sentences comprise the poem. The last line, indented as it is with the big laughing emoticon belies the somberness of it and breaks the mood perfectly.

*Exclaim* OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I think you can tell that I simply loved this poem. The humor at the end makes the poem a true treat. Having been married for 38 years, it was a pleasure to be asked. *Bigsmile*


*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*

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Rated: E | (4.5)
What an amazing story! I have the feeling that this is non-fiction and note that you have chosen the genre "experience."

Every teacher should read this. The compassion teamed with professionalism was very evident from the first line through the last.

You brought "Master Charles Henry Davis" alive for all readers. Tension builds in the story and the reader held her breath as Henry is handed the pencil. The reader was expecting something to happen and it did. Great conflict integrated with kindness and warmth.

I truly enjoyed this story. I always enjoy your stories. I'm waiting for your book!
Nita

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44
Review of Midnight Spring  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

There were so many things that I like about this piece. I can close my eyes and see such a lovely spring midnight. I love, "The flowers sit in meadows, washed by a silken dew, their shadows sewn to their petals, they are Pirates of the night" This seems to imply (to me) that they can be seen in the darkness so steal your vision of all else that is in the darkness.

In the first verse, I have trouble with the moon being a pulsating heartbeat. I see stars more as pusating since they twinkle. "spells all its secrets" seems that perhaps you meant "spills all its secrets"

The third verse is very lovely. You used "plushmink" and I think you meant "plush mink."

My favorite line there is: "amidst silent, snow-capped mountains where sound is a vice." Since I am deaf (wear hearing aids), I can understand sound being a vice. At the end of the day I feel that way. I have been inundated with sound all day... it is a vice.

In the last verse, "I see it haunt the night with its youthful, its beautiful whims," I think this might work better if you leave out "its" before beautiful. "I see it haunt the night with its youthful, beautiful whims,"

This is a lovely piece. I think that using two colors takes away from your verse though. The reader begins to concentrate on the colors and not on the wonderful words that have flowed from your pen.

I hope I have imparted something that you may use in your writing but always remember that this is YOUR work. Enjoy what you write. That is most important. Thank you for allowing me to read your work.
Keep writing such beauty.

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*Heart*Joy In The Journey*Heart*
45
45
Review of untitled  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm reviewing this piece for the Sunday Saints reviewing group.

I had to laugh when I read this very honest...very open poem about your ex.

For all that can be said for openness and honesty, we have to look at what we want from our poetry. If you are just needing a venue for venting then you have accomplished that purpose...extremely well.

If you desire to write eloquently, then the earthiness or saltiness of the language may prevent that.

Your rhyme is good except for a few places that forces rhyme.
"i knew were not right together,
my heart did wear a glove."
This is hard to understand what is being said. I'm assuming you are saying that you were protecting your heart.

I love the 3rd verse. It is great rhyme and says exactly what you want to say very plainly and clearly.

The 5th verse doesn't rhyme quite as well and is forced... but yes, you did get your point across. lol

Welcome to WDC Maribel!

I hope I have imparted something that you may use in your writing but always remember that this is YOUR work. Discard advice that is not helpful.
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*Heart*Joy In The Journey*Heart*
46
46
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Kenzie,
The name of this piece drew me. I had to read it since I'm strange also. *Smile*

The only problem I found was in the 2nd sentence of the first paragraph, "It wasn't mean as a compliment," should say, "It wasn't meant as a compliment,"

How often as Christians do we go ahead and indulge ourselves in our own desires and later ask God to bless what we have already made a mess of... I've done it too. As far as people thinking that perverse language, movies, and TV is alright, we can look as close as WDC at some of the writings here to know the truth of what you are saying.

My son was not homeschooled; he went to Christian school for 10 years. I regret every one of those years. Things were said to him that tore him down as a person and as a Christian. People whom were entrusted with the greatest gift that I could bestow upon them, the gift of teaching my child, betrayed the trust I had in them. I removed him from Christian school in 10th grade after a teacher said some really horrible things to him. He loved public school and did well there but unfortunately, the damage had already been done. He is away from God in his heart and thinking. Right now he is serving his second tour of Iraq and I pray constantly for his protection - and that someday soon he returns to his faith.

All that says it is Christian is not. We need to be wise in our choices and in the choices we make for our children.

Thank you for this piece. It made me think - and made me pray.


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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47
47
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a wonderful biographical piece on the life of Michael Jackson.

You introduced the story of Michael's life and death with the death of Farrah. This, with her beautiful picture detracted from the story about Micael, not because it was not a good segment though. Farrah was lovely and talented and an ikon in her own right, she deserves to have a biographical story that she does not share with Michael.

You have covered the different periods of Michael's life beautifully. The personal notes that you have injected show why Michael Jackson was so unique. I really enjoyed the story about your brother.

The pictures that you chose are really good. They enhance the story of his life and make me reminisce.

The only change I would make is to remove the information about Farrah and write her own biography. If you do so, please let me know. I would love to read it.

Thank you for this wonderful memory replayed.
Michael will never be forgotten (and neither will Farrah).
Nita



*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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48
Review of My Hope For You  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Poetry Critique


*Flower5* Reading the Poem:
I read this poem silently and aloud. It has a wonderful flow, bu tmost of all, it has such wonderful sentiment.

*Flower1* Story:
The poet is telling the story of her hopes and dreams for her son. It is told straight forward and well.

*Flower2* Emotional Appeal:
Every parent has hopes for thier children. As I read this piece, I thought of all the hopes and dreams I have and have had for my son. There is a certain pride in this poem that the writer would write such beautiful words about her son.

*Flower5* Imagery:
I could imagine the love of a mother as she dreams for her child. I can see a look of wonderment on her face that she either produced or adopted such a wonderful son. I can feel the love in the poem.

*Flower6* Sound:
As I read the poem aloud, I was struck by the gentleness of it. It reads well when it is read with wonder, a joy.

*Flower1* Structure:
Just eight short lines express a lifetime of love and hope. This is beautiful. The only place that I found that could read smoother is, "life's about the run, not the race." This seems to me to read better as, "life's about the run, not about the race." But it is your poem and your preference.

*Exclaim* OTHER COMMENTS:
Placing your son's picture with this poem brings it to life for the reader. We can see why you have such love... such hope... such wonder. Thank you for sharing the poem and the picture with us on WDC.


*Heart* Joy in the Journey! *Heart*
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49
Review of Crazy Loon  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Boris, you do a wonderful job writing dialogue. This piece is chock-full of good dialogue. Anyone wanting to know how to write it well could learn some lessons from your usage.

The setting is the old west but I don't get such a good feel for the time except when you say, "August of ’80." I'm assuming you are talking about 1880.

You had mentioned to me that you were not sure of "writing dialogue within dialogue," but I see no problems with what you have written.

This is an interesting story that draws the reader in from the first paragraph. You have believable characters (cowboys) who speak the cowboy language. I liked your use of the word durn. It is as it would be said. Very good.

There were only a few things that I noticed which are probably differences in American English and Australian English. The word "cornbob" is "corncob" in American English. Also I wasn't certain what you meant by, "horses of the ramuda."

Where you state, "an old timer called “Colonel” Sully.” Colonel should be in single quotes.

Also, "...whiskers. ‘ You son of a bitch, Bob Pierce’ ” Travis was..." Remove the space between the single quote and You and place a comma after Pierce. Also remove the space between the single and double quotes. It should look like this then: ...whiskers. ‘You son of a bitch, Bob Pierce,’” Travis was...

...old timer' he... should read, ...old timer,' he... Use a comma to separate the dialogues.

...as he continued “He pulled... Place a comma after continued.

In one place you call the pony a skewbald pony and in another a skewball pony. Is this the same as the American term, "screwball?"

I also think the word, "naivety," should be "Naiveté."

“So what happened to Bob Pierce Travis?” There should be a comma after Pierce.

“I was just a young hand then, I heard about it from..." Use a semi-colon or period after then.

Boris, this is a really good story. I realize it is unfinished and I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to read your privatized work that you are still writing. I am looking forward to reading more of "Crazy Loon."

Just let me know when you are ready!!


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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50
50
Review of Rainbow World  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning!
I read your story this morning. As I read it, I wondered if this is true or just a short story. It is an amazing story that I have a tendency to believe.

The reason I believe it is that I have seen an aura a few times. Once around a woman who was singing such beautiful music that I was transfixed by it. I also saw it around a former pastor almost every Sunday. He was such a spiritual and loving man and I always felt that I was getting a look at his beautiful soul. I once mentioned it to a friend who sat near me each Sunday and she stated that she had never seen it as he stood there.

I didn't find any problems with your writing. Grammar is good as well as punctuation. I found the story to be interesting. I would love to know if it is real in light of my experience.

Thanks for allowing me to read this.


*Heart* Reviewing with Attitude! *Heart*
Joy in the Journey!
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