Wow. Talk about intense! You had me sitting on the edge of my seat. This is an amazing piece. The visualizations are fantastic. I feel like I am sitting in the driver's seat. I did not see the end coming. What a horrible nightmare!! I don't think there is one thing I would change. You tell the story very well. Great job!
This is a great piece. I can definitely relate! I have been there before. It can be really tough and I feel your pain!! The rhyming is great and the flow is good. I have a little trouble with the seventh line. When I read it, I keep wanting to stick "a" after "there's". I love the last two lines of the piece! It's funny and all too true. Great job!
This is an interesting piece. I didn't see it at first (kind of like the movie "The Sixth Sense"). What you were showing me made more sense after the revelation. In the 5th stanza, 3rd line: I'm inclined to think that you meant "concept" of time versus "conception" of time. I like the way the piece drifts to an end at the end. It's very wistful. Good job.
This is a really good piece. Very powerful. It saddens me because it is too true. It makes me wonder how we can get back on track. We've veered so far from the right course during the Bush administration. I like the way you have the piece laid out. The rhyming is very good. In the 6th stanza (the quotes one), 5th line: "Just aother" is missing an "n" from "another". It's amazing how many people would (I'm imagining) attack this piece as anti-patriotic when this is what it means to be patriotic. Looking at our country and not being afraid to say that this is wrong! Our country has become what we hate. We need to wake up and do something to become what America is supposed to stand for. Thank you.
This is an interesting piece. I think the rhythm might be improved by shortening the lines. I think it would make a great short story. It seems almost incomplete. I'm a little confused at the line "Because they discovered his new path home,". It seems as though there is another story behind that one line. Who are "they"? Why does he need a new path home? I like how you start by giving information about the shadow-man. You lead us in one direction and then take us somewhere unexpected. The shadow-man is living darkness yet he appears to be guarding the boy. The last line is my favorite. I'm left wanting more. I think there is more to the story than what you have given us. Great job!
This is a lovely piece. It has many elements to it. The piece flows very well. I like how the stanzas are set up. There is a lot of imagery in this piece and you portray the element of time well. The first three lines of the last stanza are my favorite. I wouldn't change a thing! It's terrific. Great job!
This is an interesting piece. It's a trifle disturbing and I'm not entirely sure I know exactly what took place. The flow of the piece is excellent. Additionally, the images are conveyed well. The piece is riveting. It pulls you in and keeps you captive until the end. Well done!
This is a beautiful piece. It really brings a tear to the eye. Just a couple of little things, in the second stanza, third line; "in" and "to" should be one word "into." Also, in the second to last sentence (in the same stanza) you might change the comma to a semi-colon (Or, I suppose you could use a hyphen.) This would better separate the two full sentences. The flow of the piece is a little rough in the beginning but you get into it later on. The piece is very vivid. I feel and see what is going on as it progresses. Rather sad and moving (in a good way). It is very beautiful and well thought out. Great job!
The poem is very well written. And, as you warned, it is intense. But, it leaves me with questions. You begin with stating that it is an excerpt from "Trinity Lost." It is good to have some back story; however, I don't know what "Trinity Lost" is. Is it a novel you are working on? Is it available on WDC? If you have it published any where, you might add a link to the piece so we can better understand where this piece is coming from. Other than the lingering questions about who Lisa Lansing is and where she came from, the poem itself is very good. Great job!
Another beautiful story. It's amazing how we think we know so much and are proven how wrong we are by children. A couple of little things. In the first line, you need commas around "Emily" and in the second line around "Janette." The pictures at the bottom are a great touch. Great story. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!
This is an interesting piece. At moments, it almost feels abstract. I think you might have gone overboard on the punctuation. You might read through the piece again to ascertain which punctuation is really necessary. I would end the piece with a period to give it a finality. The rhyming is good. The last stanza really drives the idea home. Good job!
This is a poignant piece. You might want to take it easy on the punctuation. Over doing the punctuation can be as bad as not using enough. The commas hamper the flow of the piece occasionally. I like the emotional undertones of this piece. I agree with what I feel you are trying to get across. I like the humor in the last line. It is a really nice touch to such a dark piece. Good job!
I see what you are getting at. I think the piece is a trifle blunt and factual. I don't feel any emotions reading the piece. It needs work technically as well.
First, don't use all caps. It's distracting and, online, the use of all caps is generally considered shouting. It's also hard to read all caps. In the fourth line, "there" should be "their". Same in line six. The last line, "now" and "a" need to be separated. ("Now a") Also, "lay" should be "lies".
This could be a nice piece. It needs a little work and polishing. I'd be happy to take another look at it if you make changes.
Good for you! I enjoyed reading this short story. I was pleased that you didn't get too technical on the demolition. I really liked the emotions you invoked and tied into the tearing down of the deck. Out with the old and all that. I like that you indented the first line of each paragraph; however, the fourth paragraph did not get indented and I would highly recommend indenting it. Also, in my own personal opinion, I would rate the piece ASR instead of E. I don't believe that this is necessarily appropriate for all ages. You really put a lot into rebuilding the deck and making it, and your life, entirely your own. Good job!
I really liked this piece! It flows very well and I liked that you rhymed the second and fourth lines of each stanza. I cannot say that I would change anything about this piece. It was very humorous and I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. I especially like the image of throwing your mind out the door with a pair of tongs! Great job!
This piece has some good imagery. I can feel what you are saying. The second line, the last word I think should be "torn" instead of "tore". The piece could use some periods between the separate thought streams. Also, you might want to rethink the use of the ellipses. One or two can be effective but I think there are too many in this piece to have the desired effect. I like the last sentence and the way it trails. I would recommend ending with one period or one ellipsis rather than the trail of periods. It is an effective line and finishes the piece nicely.
Congratulations on five years on writing.com. This is a nice piece. I think we should all do this occassionally. Sometimes we need to let the world know exactly how special we are. I didn't notice any grammatical/technical issues with it either. Great job.
There is a lot of fire and emotion within this piece. The thought is great but the execution could use a little tweaking. First, you really need some punctuation (just a little) and you should capitalize your I's. In the eighth line dont needs an apostrophe. There is a great depth to this piece. Good job!
Another great item!! Does the madness ever stop? The sierra mist plug was quite amusing. I also agree on the occasional slowness of posting in most In & Outs. This item is very humorous. The image used is very intriguing. You've done a great job on this!
This is an interesting item. Without an genres, I'm unsure of your original intent but the posts have been humorous. With the way the posts have been going, you could have the item in the comedy genre. It's a very interesting idea. Very simple intro. Good job.
This is a great auction set-up. It looks like you have been doing well with it. Everything is spelled out clearly and concisely. Everything we need to know is displayed very well. I love the way you have the items (for auction) set up. It's beautiful! It looks great and I'm sure you'll have plenty of items up for auction by the time you're open for bidding. Great job!
This is great! It reminds me of another In & Out that used to be on WDC. I'm glad I found this one. Your introduction is very simple and straightforward. Congrats on the long running of this item. A great idea and lots of fun. Great job! Keep up the good work!
This is a great In & Out! It's set up well and the outcomes have been very entertaining. Congratulations on how long it has been running. It looks like the WritingML has been running amuck on this one though. It's made for some interesting off topic conversation with the In & Out. Again, a great idea and loads of fun. Great job!
This is interesting and something the public has come up against more and more in recent times. Personally, I think it is on a case-by-case basis. I've read books then the movie version has come out and I have gone to see it. On the other hand, movies have come out based on books and I have gone to see the movie and then read the book. On the other hand, there have been movies out that are based on books and I've gone to the movie but have no desire to read the book. An interesting topic. This is something we will probably think more of as more books are being made into movies. Good job.
I have no idea what you are asking in this poll question. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It looks like you covered a good range of answers; it just doesn't quite make sense to me. The question reads very quickly and is a little run-on. You might break it apart or rethink what exactly you are asking of your poll takers. It sounds like there might be an interesting story tied into this poll.
Keep writing!!!
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Good job!
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