First of all, there's a typo in the title, or I assume it's a typo. The word "to" should be "too", as in "too soon". In the third line perhaps adding "of stone" makes more sense. When writing about "taking her hand in love", the word "ghost" should be plural. I like the rhythm to your poem and I like the line, "passions crowded with three in the room". "Passions" should have an apostrophe as in "passion's". I'm wondering why you use "they" at the beginning of the poem, but later use "she"?
Aahh, the overworked and under-appreciated clown, always in demand. This clown certainly has a rich fantasy life and it prevents him from reacting violently. It's realistic to think that a clown has a breaking point as does everyone. This was well written and catchy.
There's some lovely imagery here. Some punctuation, maybe commas wouldn't hurt, so the reader knows where to pause or breathe or consider a different thought. The word "tree's" doesn't need an apostrophe. This denotes possession and makes no sense. Imagination can be a true and constant friend. Books feed and encourage that friendship.
I'm sorry, I'm confused. I understand a loft to be an upper room of a building. I know it as being an open concept type of room, but still it's indoors, under a roof. Cabins and barns have lofts. How can Esmeralda be covered in snow or need to wear winter clothing in such a place? Also, how can she do all of this plus pick up a letter from the ground while in the loft? There are a few unfortunate typos such as "now" instead of "know". The word "felt" is unnecessarily capitalized. The connective word "a" is missing in spots. "While taking in a few things to the cabin a saw"; I think you intend to write, "I saw". It's just me, but it seems awkward to write "camera picture" in place of photo. I now you are stressing that it's not another type of picture. I'm not so sure " a smile of contentment" can come over a person. I understand you are trying to describe a feeling of contentment. This is a sentimental piece dealing with a difficult emotion that has the power to completely rewrite a person's life. Your story has a good premise and Esmeralda deals with her grief in her own way. I like the ending in which her brother not only communicates with her, but urges her to carry on living with his memory.
Your story has a logical flow. I can follow the main character. There are several long sentences that perhaps could be shortened or divided with punctuation. "As well as a painful look, hiding in the smile". Is that what you intended? The "other's" should be "others". "I'm sorry for springing up no you": could be "springing this on you". The next long sentence could be split at "sympathy" and "feeding" with a period. Again, "words" and "I" should be separated by a period. "She reached out her own hand...". "I'm so sorry that did this have to happen". ??? "I'm so sorry this did happen" , or "I'm so sorry this happened". There are other such bits throughout this piece. It needs proof-reading. "All that remained were the hospital equipment, I and the Boy"...."me and the boy". There are missing periods and commas...perhaps typos? When you are writing about the boy discovering the monster's name you write "supposed family". Supposed in this sense means not or maybe. Did you intend to write "supposedly killed", referring to the monster as an alleged killer?
You've captured the exuberance and constant movement of a puppy with your descriptions. The rhythm or syllables don't match, but it's not a huge difference. I really like the final verse in brackets. Here, too, the two lines are not matched with syllables: the first line has nine syllables and the second line has fourteen syllables.
I like this memory piece of writing. It's strange what sticks with us as we age. My mother would tell me and my siblings that kids were starving in Africa. Sibling rivalry/competition is a great motivator, isn't it? I spotted an unfortunate typo. I'm assuming "blanked" is really a "blanket"? I like the imagery at the end. You've tied in your memories with the idea of diving into the waters of school life.
First of all, I like your attitude! Self-love is important. I like the idea that birds and their colourful plumage don't compare to you. Even without all your finery, you are fine. I have a feeling that you know your grammar and lack of capitals are lacking. This could be intentional.. an attempt to be real and present some bravado.
Your piece of writing is straightforward and succinct. The message is clear. I found only one glitch: "when they began to walk". You are "talking" about a baby, so it is a singular subject and it needs a singular verb. Also, it shouldn't be "they", but "he" or "she". "He is like a natural baby who stumbles when he/she begins to walk". Also, it would become, " he/she must get back up and start anew". Throughout your writing you've used "they" and it is okay elsewhere in this body of work, but it also means "they" as in more than one person.
"Breathe" could/should be "breath"? The first is a verb not a noun. "My finger through yours"---- do you intend it to be plural? This is a stark and honest poem. I agree----sometimes there are not enough words to describe something, especially emotions. You've covered most of the senses that are involved in making our sensory memories.
What a heartfelt message! Yes, life passes quickly, too quickly. Your rhyming is good. The lines have a flow although they have different lengths. The correct "too" is "too", as in "too precious". I like the line, " Don't always look down". That stance, that attitude, that perception will drag a person "down" and they will, as you write, miss so much..
You've created a good combination of rhyming words to describe the play of children. Is this intended for children to read? It seems to be written for adults about children. Reading this poem aloud, it seems to be a bit choppy. The lines have different lengths.
I grew up with country music and this certainly fits the bill. I'd really like to hear this set to music. It's a hurtin' song for sure. Your rhyme flows. It's not forced. The final verse is my favourite. You should definitely write some more songs. You have a gift.
All of the accented "A"s make this difficult to read. I understand that you enjoyed a play and are describing it. There are run-on sentences. There are missing verbs and connective words. It seems rambling. Perhaps with some editing this piece would portray your enthusiasm better.
I like this, very creative. Who knows what our accumulated stuff is really thinking about us, especially when we seem to have forgotten it. Why can't witches worry about reunions? I like the expletive, "witches' wrinkles". Well done! Is there more to this story?
Oops, I think "planed" was meant to be planned. Darn sneaky typos! You describe the uncertainty of grief very well. I really like the lines " But the days right now are mine alone And they seem to weigh a ton", and "My days and feelings confuse themselves As I trudge through thoughts and fears".
I really like how several of the lines are interchangeable and if they were presented in order they do not change the essence of the scene. For example, the first and third lines could become first and second, while the second and fourth lines could become the third and fourth lines. This also makes sense with " I'm well aware'. It could be followed by " The dead's family looks at me with a weird sense of familiarity".
Such torment! You certainly are describing pain. "Ach" should be "ache". "The fade" must be " the face". Typos......they happen. "Ensnared by within my unrelenting bite". Huh?
You've got a good story going here. It reads like an adventure tale with action. There are a few issues with the word "the" missing and a "too" that should be a ""to". I think something is missing at the line, "and soon my legs cracking and stretching fully". Perhaps in spots your sentences could be shortened, thus doing away with punctuation choices.
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