Hello! I like the concept of your poem. If only we could 'check out' and send our brains on a vacation or a reprieve. Our brains certainly are complex, aren't they? It would also be beyond fantastic if we could communicate/visit/be with a loved one who is as you write 'far away'.
Hello! Bravo for entering a contest. I agree, WDC is a great forum! This is a heartfelt piece of poetry that displays your personality. Finding inspiration, a topic, a theme, a mood, and the right words takes determination and perspiration. I like your rhyming. My only suggestion: try using a comma instead of a period after your first line.
Hello. First of all, let me state that I like your moniker: Bookbreather. It is unique, and I suppose I can relate; I like to practically inhale books. Okay... your poem is breath-taking. The imagery is powerful and provoking. You describe two souls uniting beautifully: "swallow my gasps, as our lips collapse together". This sums up the idea that the passion of love is so all-consuming. Love does alter a person's reality profoundly. I have one tiny suggestion.....In the first line of the final stanza, you write "breathes", but in that instance, the word is "breaths". Breathe is a verb, and breath is a noun.
I like this tale; karma with a hint of manipulation. I can't imagine trying to survive in an arranged marriage, a business transaction. This story has a great twist and it's well written. You've created a great story within the constraints of only three hundred words.
Hello! This is a hilarious poem! Who hasn't been a 'victim' of pressure sales tactics? Cookies and cute girls, what a combination. I love the line " their sweet little smiles, like pollen to bees". You are quite clever with your rhymes. I, too, wrote a similar poem. I was a Guide leader for many years here in Canada. If you'd like to read my poem re cookie sales here is the link:
Hello! This is a lovely piece of poetry. You've managed to use some big words and fit them into your piece. Kudos for your spelling; too many don't care about this! My favourite line: "Deep in my core peace and happiness released my soul".
Hello! I like the sentiments expressed here. Imagine being one-thousand years old! Humanity is certainly complex. I would suggest that you capitalize the 'I'.
Hello! This is a fresh twist on an old tale. Yeah, at a certain age, especially the pre-teen time, girls don't like to be called 'little'. There are many people who would think a wolf was a dog. Oh, it's 'dinner', not 'diner'. I think the verb tense is a bit off when you describe the girl entering Granny's home; you write'run', and I think it should be 'ran', but is that the British grammar??
Hello! This is a delightful poem. I really like the visuals and the imagery. It has a great rhythm and rhyme. The repeating of words would make this a great piece for kids learning to read.
Hello! This is a nice, reflective piece, like something from a journal entry. You write of self discovery. Life is a journey, and seeking answers takes time.
Hello! Although the ending is both a tragic and triumphant one, this is a well-written story. You describe the love between the two brothers so well; it's very believable. An older brother would do anything to save a baby brother, even risk his own life. The first-person narrative really works, too.
Hello! I really like your logical, well-thought out writing. You present your ideas in an easy to understand manner. Kudos for taking a giant step and doing something positive for yourself. Mothers are always sacrificing, but they have abilities and dreams too. Education is the great equalizer; it isn't influenced by age or sex. I like your positive attitude.
Hello! I really like this piece of poetry. Your imagery is alive. Isn't it amazing that weather affects our moods and perceptions? We associate sunshine with laughter, light, playing, and meditating. The seashore is a wonderfully complex place; much like people and their lives. You've illustrated that here.
Hello! I was intrigued by your title and brief teaser of an intro. This is a compact, precise piece of poetry. I agree with you; the media seems to broadcast too much ugliness. Everything seems to be considered newsworthy. More love and understanding/acceptance/tolerance would be a wonderful thing.
Hello! This is a compelling, emotional piece of writing. Grief is many things, but especially pain and confusion. Too many times death is a shock; mind-numbing. Despite the subject, I like this; it's brief and spare like the bereaved person's life. Maybe, this could be the basis for a longer story?
Hello! This is a great premise . Writing one's regrets and apologies in one last letter. This makes a compelling story. There are a few issues with verb tenses. In the opening line, it should be "day's". You are missing several connective words:"I ended up failing", "I didn't want to stop", "I know it's been" or "I know it has been", "I wanted to tell you one thing", "I didn't want you to stop living your life"..... The correct word is 'prosperity' in the line " it always happens in times of prosper'. Some of your sentences could be shortened and re-distributed into several sentences. May I suggest, "Now, my dearest friend I wish I had talked to both of you to ask why you first fell in love". "Why did you stop feeling this way towards each other?" "He put the pen down and folded up the letter as he walked out the door to head to the grave." "When he arrived at the grave, he slowly knelt down to sit with the letter in his hand. He whispered, "I miss you". Sorry, for pointing these out, but you have the makings of a great story here that you'd like readers to understand.
Hello! What a creative way to write about recycling/rebirth. Yes, too many 'things' are temporary and tossed away. Sadly, some people treat each other this way; relationships are disposable. I anticipate more clever insights from you.
Hello! First of all, good for you for making an effort and trying to write. You undoubtedly have many life stories to share. As most of us type, our thoughts fly ahead of our fingers. This creates typos and lack of punctuation. Commas are commonly placed before the word 'but'. 'I' should always be uppercase; it's important! Some of your sentences need a bit of work just to clarify/sharpen your intended meaning. This sentence:" this path I chosen to take presently" is a bit awkward. Perhaps, this sentence, "Though I've lead a pretty interesting life...", could be rewritten as, "Though I've lead a pretty interesting life, I'd say, it seems that I have difficulty conveying it." Please continue to write.
Hello! All I can write/reply is WOW! This is an emotionally powerful piece of writing. You describe lost/dashed love so well. Not all relationships are healthy ones. I like the line in which you write ,"I should have given myself all the love I gave you". Self love is so important. Oh, by the way, there was a typo in this line: the'I' should be upper case. I really like the final two lines, too. You write of heartache and hope.
Hello! This is a well-written and touching tribute to your great-grandfather, Wow; he lived to a wonderful age and he sounds like he was well-loved. Isn't it a blessing that he left you with such memories? You probably have more you can write about him.
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