Hmm...This is one fast paced story which aims to captures the love across 30 years or so, and if I may say so - it works to an extent.
The foundations are solid and so is the story following it but in my humble opinion, what holds it back a bit is the lack of dialogues and hence, at places the story moves on frenetically before even I could make a mental picture of what's happening!
That apart, I believe this is some solid foundation you have laid here. Polish it a bit, and you might have a brilliant story at hand :)
I became interested in Tesla since I saw that movie named - The Prestige. Thouhgh that was a narrative account, it touched upon the genius that was Tesla.
Thanks for sharing this info.
The only suggestion would be to format the text a bit so that it becomes even more enjoyable. i liked it anyways :)
Oh that is so so damn cute. I am a big dog lover myself and how I adore them!
The way you brought out your dog's action to text converter was awesome :) Loved it, the way they coo when we touch their belly. their droopy eyes, their licking all is well brought out in your writing. Beautiful it was...You made my day as you again brought back the memories of my dog to me. She is no more but still she is somewhere alive in me :)
PS: I too entered the writer's cramp and entered my post there and what was a lovely coincidence was that you too have the same feelings regarding dogs - "humans are capable of that kind of love, selfishness and egotism intervenes" .
About this composition, I have to say that i loved everything from the characters to the tale ; from the incidents to the name; from the creativity to Pete the Dragon, who would have done brilliantly if he would have appeared in GMAT.Ha, i digress :D
The best part was that the creativity you were able to fill up the letter with examples a zoo being filled with exotic and imaginary animals! lovely piece of thinking. Liked it the way you were able to weave a tale out of nothing. Thanks for sharing :)
You managed to churn out quite a story in 300 words and that too while following the prompts. yesterday, I sat the whole day with these prompts in mind and came out with nada :)
I like the description you gave in the first and second paragraph. It really gives a feel of something set in space - the outer world. The twist was good too.
Brilliantly done. Evil robots! :) Thanks for sharing
Such a sad tale and a truly emotional one. I could relate to the pain and the suffering of both the child as well as the parent. This was really heart touching.
The lines such as "..make memories before its late" captured the essence of it all.
May her soul rest in piece. May god give you strength.
Ha ha, the entry offered a lot of smiles throughout.
The line where lady dragon applies makeup made me smile."..the bride who weighed a ton" was superb :D and so did the dragons posing as dead ones did!
The rhyming was perfect and hence the flow ala rhythm was perfect too. I loved every word of it :)
Thanks for sharing :)
PS: You know what, in one of my story(which was not half as good as this poem), I too had a plot where the dragon posed as dead to help knights!! Similar minds eh :D
The title was catchy and I wanted to explore what you had to say regarding the Unicorn.
The scenario and environment you have set up is surreal yet believable. The love of mother, the protectiveness of pegasus all adds to the tale. Well done.
At one place in particular, the long sentence seems to affect the rhyme (...round and round) if you could shorten it a bit, the rhythm would be even perfect, in my opinion.
Having said that, i t's just a tiny glitch of an overall impressive composition.
oozing with positivity all over and again the thoughts on show were so clear that I hardly noticed that this was a free verse - devoid of rhyme. geenrally, I donot enjoy the rhyme less creation because they do not tend to flow(I feel that way maybe) , but you have proved me wrong. This composition flows from line one and some of it will stay with me - help me to chase my writing dream.
My favorite parts were many "...games in the sun, Songs in the field" brought back my childhood back , hence I loved it.
"Ink your soul, into the canvas of eternity" line was a big WOW. Brilliant.
Could not find a fault even if I was forced to find one.
I am hooked blitz. Keep dishing out these superb works and I promise I will be back for more :)
Beautiful absolutely beautiful. At several places i could feel the breeze hitting against my face, as if it was me who had skydived. And that phrae "slowly dying of happiness" catches it all gracefully and truthfully.
If this experience was for real, then it would have been one lifetime memory to cherish. Ahh the frenzy!
If this experience is your imagination then kudos Blitz, you are one top notch story writer. (And now I noticed that in the Genres you have mentioned it as Fantasy. I am impressed by your fertile imagination!)
Loved the overall experience offered here also the interplay of emotions was lovely. Thanks for sharing :)
True words these. If only man could follow logic and hate blood-shedding all would be perfect but Alas...
The rhyming was perfect and that gave the poem a lovely smooth rhythm. Only if it were a bit longer than maybe even more soothing thoughts would have flowed. Nevertheless, it is lovely in this form too..THanks for sharing :)
This was hilarious right from the start till the very end! I could relate to it completely since some days back I entered a contest hwerein we had to write an entry a day for 30 days and man, did I come up with poop challenging entries at times!! Maybe I am mister Crapsalot..:D
Loved it. Thanks for sharing and congrats for the award :)
Thanks for sharing this journey. Maybe someday, some good day I will be able to get published, till then - I will work on it. It was encouraging to hear your story. Thanks again :)
This is the second tale of yours I am reading today and one thing is clear to me - you, mam, are a master of the supernatural tales.
The way you were able to imagine the serenity of the life on the other side, the pain, the suffering and the trauma of it all, makes me fill with awe. Wish I could write someday like this. Thanks for sharing, it was my pleasure reading it all.
If there was something minor I would have changed, it is that I would maybe have threw some more light on why Agnes had these powers but now as I write I realise that may be it would have taken away the attention from the ghost tale. Superb, it is :)
Going by the tagline of the title I came looking for exciting light read and I am glad that I did!
The way you started the story really set the tone for it all. The experiences, the feelings, the drama was all believable and a clear image was formed in the mind, of it all. I guess that is the first sign of a good writing.
And oh the twist!!Loved it because I was expecting some other twist - the false identity one, but this was even superb.
The grammar, the commas seem impeccable too. This is as perfect a composition I have seen.
I would like to go through your other compositions too, as I feel I can learn from it too.
Thanks for sharing :)
Awesome depiction of the chaos. I was really impressed by how clearly you envisioned the things happening in the outer space. The presence of emotions adds on to the credibility of the tale. Never did even once the tale looked "ohh so unreal" and neither did it go into the realms of "yeah I could have thought that" It was impressive all throughout.
Though, the tragedy suits this piece, being a twist loving person I am , if there were some way of adding it to it, I would have been really glad. If I would have written this magnificient tale, I would have tried to add some more memories or emotions to make it even heart wrenching than it already is.
Having said that, these are not shortcomings I am pointing to just my point of view.
all in all, this was a fabuluos read and I could relate to it.
Thanks for sharing :)
The title gave me what I cam looking for- the sound :)
You managed to create quite a kerfuffle, using the basic strand whic flowed throughout the story. The scenes were hilarious, some okay but none of them was dull. I liked the part where he drills teh room and the matchsticks part. It reminded me of a tumult in "The 3 men on a boat" short story which made me laugh like mad.
Soem scenes would remain with me like the part wherein his father sends him his childhood things. You created the scene with perfect vision that ios the friends ribbing, the timing of it and the haplessness of teh character was well broughtout.
A minor suggestion would be to shorten the length of teh composition if possible because in the ending stages it grew a bit heavy on me. May be its just me but that what i felt.
But all in all, I liked it and possible also learn some nuances of dialog making and scene creation from it.
This was sweet. Sir Tanner would be caned alright :) The dialogues although are missing, but the flow isn't. Got to see the world from the eyes of a kid- how blissful and lovely it is.
Liked your tale and I also noticed cleever use of prompts :)
The tile was catchy and I was curious to know what action could you pack about a date in 55 words!
You tricked me for sure. The curves, brassiere threw me in a different direction and the end made me smile. Thanks for that. BUt, how woul you justfiy the "bra" thing in teh context of the the twist ending? Am I missing something?
But anyhow, part from that everything was top notch and you packed in quite a bit in 55 wordsds. Bravo and thanks for sharing :)
Liked it overall. The plot was great that the boy, who was suffering from pain, was given hope by Paw-pa, whom I assume wasa elf or of similar kin. The creativity wqas appafrent in teh story and since, as it was revealed at thend, it waa means to buck up Troy, i t was a perfect tool.
THanks for sharing. Liked it:)
The title was catchy and it drew me into the tail, and am I glad that it did so !
The compostion just flowed, without abberations, always taking the plot forward and that too when there were no dialogues to take them further! The composotion style was something new to me and it was great exploring it. Plus, it was of a perfect length.
I noticed that how cleverly you used the prompts that you had to and all in all I mighty impressed. I couldn't pick a flaw even when I reread it.. Soory, not much to offer you there.
Thanks for sharing :)
This, i believe, was a result of some deep thinking and thta is really recommendable because not many of us do that nowadays. We live our life on the surface and die out. Who dives deep - it's people like you.
Good job with the story . You entwined the various pieces of the story well. The animals were mostly suited top teh characteristic you assigned to them. \
I liked the Cow emotion association. It is something which is not difficult to relate. Same could be said . Also, I liked the basic structure of questions like "What" "WHen" "How" "Where" etc. That was catchy.
Also, the choice of the names adds the charisma to it - and a mystery too. Thumbs up again.
The twist was good too and very fable like. Well done.
It captures the emotions well and presents in an even better way.
My favorite part was where you say that clock hands are your enemies.
One thing I would change if I were you were a couple of innocuos things like the stanza wherein you talk about the "hair stand", in that second line instead of "You made it stand
" , "You made THEM stand" would make it sound better, I feel. Also, the stanza wherein the oyster comes in than an oyster their perarl although captures the meaning but since it is gramatticaly incorrect, seems a bit forced.
Rest of the poem sure rocks and I Liked teh light breezy read and the emotions.
Thanks for sharing :)
Aww, that was cute :) The feelings for mother remain so same, isnt it irrrespective of geographies and boundaries. Just shorten the send line a bit an din my opinion this a good one .
A minor observation that the lines are too far seperated as you can see.. See if you can bring them closer. But, dont fret it you can't make it happen. Just keep writing and spreading the joy :) Thanks f or sharing :)
A nice interesting tale of a mermaid being "invented" by a scientist!
Creativity was all there i could see it for sure. I liked it.
If i were you, i would have expanded a bit on why was he giving her the shocks so that reader may sympathise even more. BUt that is fine as every writer is different.
I liked the way you presented it, Miyu. I will come back for more writing of yours because I love creativity and I saw those sparks here.
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