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126
126
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Open thoughts ! I just finished reading "Trapped in Darkness."  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I believe that you create a good impression of anxiety and panic in little words, here. What could be scarier than a person, trapped in a room listening to “brutalities” going on in the vicinity? It races the heart at places and the fact that you managed to do so, being so economical with words talks something about your capabilities as a writer! Well done, friend *Smile*

Suggestion/Observation
1) While writing the above “Strengths”, I assumed that I hadn’t read the title of the story. I say so since the current title kind of gives away the suspense. But it is a minor change, I think. Give it a title which doesn’t let out the suspense and this may very well be a very good suspense story since you have many things going on for you in the plot.
“The voices from other room” or something less crappy than this would give a context to this story as well as preserve the secret *Smile*

2) There are minor tense inconsistencies in the story. I know they can be tough to avoid but give it a relook at the below suggested places might give you a idea for future:

Current : “Unfamiliar voices, penetrating through the door I am trapped behind”
Suggested: “Unfamiliar voices, penetrates the door I am trapped behind”

Current: “The thoughts filling my mine, the images of the young woman I heard, yet have never seen”
Suggested: “ The thoughts fill my mind with the images of the young woman I heard shrieking, but yet have never seen”

Current: “My eyes slowly opening seeing this man hovering over me telling me Johnny, we are all done”
Suggested: “My eyes open slowly to see a man hovering over me.
His cold voice booms – “Johnny, we are all done”

You get the drift, right? I honestly believe that the more you read and write these problems would go away. Promise *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The current line shoves me into the room, into the narrator’s place and shakes me a little - “I begin to tremble uncontrollably as I hear the eerie sound of young woman screaming, and then silence”

The overall feel
I think you have a good little story here and if you polish it a bit, I am sure you will have something even more shining. Feel free to call me in to have a relook, if you need *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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127
127
Review of Ninja Mom  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kawika -- Ready for NANO! ! I just finished reading "Ninja Mom"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
The title in interesting and along with the description it pushes me to read more. I sometimes think that sometimes the life of working super busy moms becomes similar to headless chickens, especially if they do not get support from family, but the fact that they have the passion and the will along with the resistance to even try it seems commendable. So, I had to read this sweet little ode to Moms which ends up saying what I wanted to say to women all over the world. Respect!

The rhyming is near perfect and though I am not knowledgeable enough to talks about things such as meter, I do find a consistent internal rhythm in this poem which I like. There are no noticeable bumps in the flow, so as to say, and hence I very much enjoyed the poem *Smile*

Suggestion/Observation
Hey friend, can you do one thing, please? Can you please change the CAPS to lower case? I mean, it pricks a bit to my eyes. I hope that won’t be too much to do.

Apart from this minor observation, I also think that the stanza containing "`SHE'S REALLY THE BOMB!" is a bit unneeded. There is no rhyming problem in these but you know these 4 lines seem to add nothing much really. I believe, without these the quality of this poem would improve further. However, this is just my observation *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
HOW DOES SHE KNOW

THE KIDS MADE THEIR BED

SHE'S GOT NINJA-MOM EYES

IN THE BACK OF HER HEAD!
It summed up pretty well the difficult task which they somehow manage to do with ease. Honestly, I struggle doing two things at the same time but somehow the ladies in the home end up doing five or six tasks at the same time! How God how!
*Smile*

The overall feel
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and I definitely look forward to read your other works. I see you have written some other poems too *Smile*
And man, you biography was hilarious!
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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128
128
Review of The Olive Theory  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi gravityhasnolimit ! I just finished reading "The Olive Theory"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I landed up here using the “Random Review” functionality of WdC and wanted to know the “Olive Theory” *Smile* Plus, the mention of “How I met your mother” perked my ears although I am no huge fan but I know the basic plot of it.
This is a lovely romantic story about two nerdy and different people who are just perfect for each other. The tenderness in the story is what attracts my attention. The lines such as these are what gladden my heart and paint a picture in my head:

“He thought she looked beautiful, although she was only wearing a sweater and jeans. She didn't fix up her hair or anything like that”
This reminds me of my teenage romance and the thrill I felt for my love back then, although she was no beauty queen.
Then, the point in the story where Clark asks the lady about her mother and the emotions which followed it rang true. I felt bad for the lady and Clark too and that signifies the beautiful way in which you put it across.

The actual “Olive” angle was cute and a bit weird but nothing which could not be believed. It was a sweet little thing *Smile*

Suggestion/Observation
None I could think of

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The following lines made me smile because I could relate to this cute romantic silliness :

“"You want these? I hate olives."

A cute smile had crept up on Clark's face. He accepted them with a laugh.”

I remember, I once blushed when my college crush blurted out the same brand of cold drink as her favorite. I mean how many brands of leading beverages are there but heart doesnt care, does it! *Smile*

The overall feel
This is a romantic story which doesn’t doles out the romance in excess and keeps true to the core of the story of that being – 2 different kind of people in love with each other. *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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129
129
Review of Mistaken Identity  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ! I just finished reading "Mistaken Identity"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I landed up here using the “Random Review” functionality but this time decided to go ahead with the review instead of just reading the story and this was because I think this story deserved it *Smile*

I like the goodness which fragrances this tale. I mean who thinks about those salesmen, anyway. We behave as if they are some kind of outsiders, somebody we could just shoo off or even worse, some irritant if I may say so. But to think about the whole matter this way gives a certain warmth to the tale which touches the *Heart* I am going to mend my behavior, I promise *Smile*

Then, to write a 413 word story, completely out of dialogue must have been no easy task but it seems effortless to the reader, at least. Liked it!

In the story, when the salesman gives in midway and says that he was a actor once, spiked my interest further. That was quite a twist but the suddenness of it felt natural rather than forced. This line, for example, felt so very natural that I was happy for the salesman:
"Wow, I can't wait to call the girls and tell them who stopped by the house today! So exciting! Mary Jane is going to flip!"

Or say this line below, a totally different tone but you brought it out superbly inspite of being constrained to write about it all in dialogues only :

"What happened? You already burn through all those big acting paychecks?"

Plus, you managed to tie up the ends, seamlessly which was commendable.

Suggestion/Observation
None I could think of

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The end, for sure, because it shamed me a bit and forced me to look within *Smile*

The overall feel
I think this is a wonderful little story which teaches how to care, without forcing it down the reader’s throat. I really liked it.
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of Sculpture  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi friend, Lilandra . I just finished reading "Sculpture"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
The catchy title coupled with the description was all what I needed to read on. There is a certain grace in the title which is accentuated while reading the first paragraph, especially. We all see it in the same way and I have noticed those tiny particles, too, but God, I do not have these words or effortless charm to show the reader what I am saying. That was a rocking start, and I was hooked from there on.

There are places in the story where you used analogies which are risky since they could sound like clichés but there was a refreshing life in them, too. What beautiful analogies they were, my friend. Whether it be the when he saw Elsa’s face in the autumn leaves, or in the drifting blue skies, it formed a soothing and a pleasant image in front of my eyes. Thumbs up!

The other thing which caught my attention was the way the angst in Jon’s heart was being used to create the sculpture. I like the place where you say that his fingers were shaping Elsa’s face, now. That was an impressive way of describing something!

Grammar/Typo/Suggestion
None that I could spot.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
There were a lot of beautiful parallelism and symbolism but my favorite of them all were the below lines:
“Still, she was a rock, and he the ocean that kept breaking against her.”
These lines have so much passion in them that I could feel it.

Then, there is one place where you mention that Jon could imagine Elsa in embrace of another man and that image was burning him from inside. I could relate to it, since I have been in a heartache once and I can say it was not very different from Jon's experience!

The overall feel
I think this is a wonderful story you have got here. I would be really interested to read more of your work because you way of expressing this is charming and beautiful!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.
Thanks,
Nishank
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131
131
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi friend, 🌕 HuntersMoon , it’s me again! I just finished reading "A Dozen Roses"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
You never stop, do you? And man, from where did you get that terrific and suitable image for this story? *Laugh* It definitely adds to the tickle factor!

The title in itself is funny and warned me of the things to come and I buckled my seat belt for another joyous ride in your crazy cuckoo world. Before I could even start further, another thing chuckled me which was your categorization for this story “biographical” *Laugh**Laugh* I could see you, murmuring to yourself, talking to Lily, wondering aloud and then in response Lily wondering aloud of us, silly humans*Laugh*

The Dust bunny came out of nowhere but was a perfect character as I could see him rolling over, shaking gently while laughing at the completion of his plot. And then there was the Sock monster. You know what I like the most about your stories? It is the fact that you pamper the child who is in you, like all of us, and use it to write these wonderful humorous stories. I could think of no other reason!

The length of the story was perfect for the kind of plot conjured by you.

So Ken, are you ready to counter Sock Monster’s next plan? *Laugh**Laugh**Laugh*

Suggestion
None.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
Out of this tale filled with craziness, this was my favorite bit:
“He picked up the tinfoil and made a crude hat, settling it on his head. “This’ll show them.”
I chuckled as I “saw” that tin foil on your head and mumbling. That is a quite an image *Laugh*

The overall feel
This was a lovely little story which entertained me. I will keep coming back for more as you have such a wonderful imagination and I would love to go explore it more.
And yes, best of luck for tomorrow's prompt *Wink*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi friend, GeminiGem of House Lannister , it’s me your Stark House Member! I just finished reading "A Dozen Roses"  and I would like to offer you these impressions.. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Please note that I have communicated some of these opinions over email but I still wanted to post it as a genuine review for this item.

Strengths

I read the tale when you requested all of us to give you few opinions. The title was curious and clicked instantly as I wanted to know about who the “enemies” were. The description complemented the title and added a warm feel of family bonding to it. I wanted to know more from then on.

I liked the basic setting plot of your story, which catches my attention right at the start. I really want to know that what went wrong, in the beginning. The dialogues are clever and keep moving the story forward but the lovely little twist at the end takes the cake for me. Brilliant! And those cute family members are not camera shy at all, I must say.

Suggestion
Somewhere in between you lose my attention a little as I don't see much action, you know. As in things are happening at their own steady pace but in order to really surprise the reader something more action packed would have done more justice, in my humble opinion.

Don’t get me wrong as this is a very good story, with a lovely unanticipated end and I am just offering you little tweak points over here.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
It has got to be these lines and the witty use of reference to WWE:
“Right in the middle of this photo shoot, somebody got into somebody else’s space, and it suddenly turned into a Friday Night Smack Down”

The overall feel
I like this simple story which manages to surprise me at the end. Although there are places which leave me slightly confused but they seem like minor issues to me. I am sure when you would give it a retouch, you would do wonders *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of A Dozen Roses  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi friend, 🌕 HuntersMoon , it’s me again! I just finished reading "A Dozen Roses"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I was roaming around on WdC looking for something funny to read as I am a sucker for any and every kind of comedy, there is. My eyes stopped at your poem and I am in love with my eyes, ever since *Laugh*.

There is something about this prying business and forbidden things in general which titillates, isn’t it? Now come on, don’t judge me! Who doesn’t want to read somebody else’s personal diary *Laugh* The fact that you mentioned “conversation overheard” and that too adult humor was enough to get me going.

Man, what a laugh riot was it! The “climax”<pun intended> was the best of the best and I have never enjoyed so much *Wink* God women! if you give them flowers then you are a selfish, mean guy seeking for “something” but if you don’t then you are hardened, cold blooded zombie. What do we do, man; probably, not care about it all and just get "them" up in the air, perhaps *Laugh**Laugh*

I feel too *embarrass* to even comment on your rhyme scheme, rhythm or the flow as we all know how superb you are, there. You are the definition of perfection to me *Smile* *Starstruck*

Suggestion
Nada, zilch, zip!

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
I am going to remember this for a long long time, man. The image of the flowers put in the “vase” wouldn’t just fade away, I know! *Laugh**Laugh*

“Her friend never cracked a smile,
she just kept a steady gaze...
"Why would you do that?" she asked.
"Don't you own a vase?”

You are a naughty, humorous man.

The overall feel
This is a fabulous read which offered me a cackle which finally resulted in embarrassment as I was reading this poem in office hours. The people around me were probably dead to not notice my guffaw! I am coming back for more humor for sure.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review of Time-Zoned!!  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Uday K ~ House Ravenclaw! it’s me Nishank, a fellow Indian! I just finished reading "Time-Zoned!! "  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
The light breezy tone of this piece perfectly suits the humorous tale. I could relate to it because of the expert way you craft it and also because of the fact, that I have never ever clearly understood the benefits of Time zone. Has it got any purpose in this damn universe other than to confuse people *Laugh* *Laugh*

The dialogues of this piece shine through for me. Not a single word seems out of place and I felt as if I was on the other side of the phone talking to my own client. The fact that you thought about the peculiar way in which foreigners sometimes pronounce the complex names such as Laxman stood out for me. It means that you have an eye for the detail which goes a long way in building up the story.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
Just a minor problem which I noticed – “One at least pretended to leave early on Fridays. If only to make people believe you actually had a life outside.”
The two sentences shouldn’t be individual sentences in my view as they are dependent on each other. A “,” or a “;” thrown in between would help gel the sentences, I think.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The pathetic image of a wasted Friday night! Oh man, how could I not relate to it but I am luckier than Laksh-Man since there were just a couple of tasks pending unlike 565 of them *Laugh**Laugh**Laugh*

The overall feel
I believe this is a nice little tale which has a simple comic misunderstanding as its core. I think it gave me a couple of ticklish moments at the expense of the poor narrator *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.
Thanks,
Nishank
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135
135
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi November Blackwood ! I just finished reading "Working Title: The Taste of Spiders"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I was on the “Request Review” page when I noticed the weird title “The Taste of the spiders”. Honestly speaking<please take no offense> imagining about it made me yuck but it also instilled the curiousness in me. I wanted to know more, now.

There is no dialogue and just a long monologue in this story but I do not feel the need or void because of it because you expertly fill it with phrases which keep the story hurtling. Example lines would be:

“ Some people say that humans can get used to anything, but it’s hard to imagine that those individuals have ever felt the tickle of a spider crawling out of their throat”

These lines sort of pull me into the tale because I can connect to them and this despite the fact that it is no normal occurrence!
Also, I believe you are really good at describing the things as they happen. I did not need to make an effort in order to visualize it and in fact, glided through the tale although at some places, I did not want to read further because of sheer tingling feeling in my spine. An example for this would be :

“The man spits the creature out onto the floor, and watches it wisp away in a puff of smoke”
Man, you pushed me to onto the corner of my seat with this. Amazing, creepy lines such as these are present all over here.

I like the way you hint at Kafka’s masterpiece and introduce another angle in the story. You made me think for sure.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:

1) Can you please give a space between paragraphs? I mean, it is a bit difficult to read with the current spacing scheme. Many authors use it as a subtle way of giving the feel of “entrapment”
to the reader and if you are heading the same way then it is a different matter but then still it would be wise to logically group some of the paras.

2) I could see that you have added extra commas at certain places like:
“10:25 the clock reads, and the man lets out an audible sigh, and tilts his head back.”
To my untrained eye, I don’t see a need for a comma throughout this line.
See, I am no grammarian myself so I would suggest you to look at some some top links here on our own WdC, such as these:
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1338... Enjoy *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
I am not sure whether I would like to remember the creeps of this story but I think the image of a man spitting out spiders is going to stay with me **Oh the horror! **

The overall feel
I believe this is a wonderful start to something potentially huge. I really liked reading it and would love to learn the horror tricks from you *Smile* Please feel free to call me in if you decide to retouch the story in any way.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of Phone Service  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi R. G. Hosman ! I just finished reading {item: 1992296} and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
I was on the “Request Review” page when I noticed the curious title “Phone Service”. Further, upon reading the description, I wanted to know what happened to the person receiving the call. You know what, I have myself twiddled my fingers, thinking on a similar topic but could never come up with something. That gave me an added reason and I wanted to see whether you stole my brain wave *Laugh* *Laugh**Laugh* Well, you almost did!

Based on a paranormal phone call, this story throws in quite a few incidents which lets the reader know that "heck something is going on, now". I like the fact that the tale moves at a swift pace, taking me from one incident to another and also that the size of the story is just right, so that it doesn’t overdoes what it tries to achieve. What I mean to say is that it doesn’t get repetitive at any point, so full marks for that!

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar/Suggestions:
1) I could see that you were missing to put commas at places. Like:
“About two weeks after that I was in the grocery store just about to get in line when it happened again”
Change : About two weeks after that, I was in the grocery store just about to get in line when it happened again.
See, I am no grammarian myself so I would suggest you to look around here on WdC and find some comma lessons as I think I have seen some top links here. Or wait, maybe I can mail you these things. Please remind me about it if I don’t do so!
Hey in fact, I found it : http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1338... Enjoy *Smile*

2) The second suggestion is that I believe a bit too much is happening to make it pass as a real event. What I mean is that instead of 6 car pile even if you had described a lucky escape from a monster truck then too the impact of the supernatural would have been there. Plus, it would sounded a bit more believable.

I mean, one-off freakish incident such as this would have been okay but a series of accidents of such drastic proportions requires a monster leap of faith, on reader’s part *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind

The first time when the “caller” whispers “Happy Birthday”. I almost got goosebumps!

The overall feel
This is a curious and a different plot which you have in hand. I believe if you tie up the loose ends a bit this would definitely end up in something even better! Please feel free to call me to review it, if you decide to touch up the story *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Cole ! I just finished reading "Dave's Public Speaking Nightmare"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Strengths
The title was the hook which drew me in. I am no good as a public speaker and thinking of it turns my feet to jelly, I know *Laugh* The best part is that it would ring true with many of us so expect a lot of footfalls for this piece. Great work, there.
I knew what to expect but still when you described the scene of a little Dave trying to stand up and say something I could feel his nerves. I think you did a good job there, too especially with that added embarrassment on top of the anxiety he felt. I could feel “aww poor kid” for Dave *Laugh*

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
1) Hey Cole, you got to increase the font size of the story because in present form it puts a lot of strain on the eyes. In case, you have trouble doing it let me know I will guide you with a easy step by step guide *Smile*

2) I would be suggesting a few changes, which if done, would add even more gloss to this piece.

Your wordings:
Handing him the customer file, before leaving without another word. Knowing he didn't have a choice, Dave's stomach started turning just at the thought. The hour in between feeling like seconds, before entering the conference room. While setting up the presentation materials, feeling like he was back in Mrs. Rowan's class.

My Suggestions:
Handing him the customer file, Diane left without saying another word. Now it hit him as he knew that he didn’t have a choice now. His stomach turned and twisted just at the thought of it all. As the hour flew like seconds, he felt as if he was transported back to Mrs. Rowan’s class and how much did he hate it!

See, this suggested para is by no means the best you could do but this is just a guide. What I am trying to say here is there are a few tense inconsistencies which would go away as you become aware of it. Keep writing and I am sure that you will get better and better.

3) Also, in the finishing stages I think it was a really sweet angle which you introduced with Ivy. I think if you give it a sterner second look, you will feel that the story feels a bit bumpy at these places. Not totally rough but could have been smoother *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The lines where you so accurately describe the anxiety of Dave –
“It was at that moment his stomach betrayed him, with a deep breath he stood. The nausea rose with every step, as he could almost feel all eyes on him.

The overall feel
I believe you built quite a good base with portrayal of Dave’s issue with public speaking. I believe if you have a re-look, you could see that there are places which you can polish to come up with an even shining version of the story! Please free to call me in if you decide to rework on it *Smile*
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon , I just finished reading "The Warmth of Spring"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
I am your fan, sir, a biiiiiiggg fan. Before this piece, I had mostly read the beautiful, breathtaking poems by you and man how they soothed my soul. <But I divert.> I wanted to know what magic could you lend to your stories and I must say you were as soothing, beautiful and awe inspiring in this wonderful sci-fi plot. It is hard to imagine that even a sci-fi can be made so rich in emotions but that is what you do always – push the level a notch higher, every time.

Frankly speaking, the immature reader/writer was disappointed a bit when I came to know of the ”shield” thing because it seemed to be out of place but the way you turned it around in the last 3-4 paragraphs proved that nothing was out of place and all of it was a stepping stone to the beautiful end you were about to paint. If this is not masterstroke then I don’t know what is!

Suggestions
Yes I have one very important suggestion. --> "Teach me to write such beautiful stories and poems” *Smile*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The way you draw the parallel between the beautiful warmth of the spring to the unmatched comfort in the lap of one’s mother raised my goosebumps. I am overawed, honest.

The overall feel
I have nothing much to add apart from the fact that I never imagines a story dealing with something not observed in everyday life to be this rich in portrayal of emotions. I mean the way you tied the two ends of fiction and human emotion is exemplary. This big fan admires you and respects you from the bottom of his heart*Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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139
139
Review of The Morlaffs  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Don Two , I just finished reading "The Morlaffs"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
I never heard of Morlaff before but it sounded so exotic that it pulled me to this story. The story whetted my curiosity by outlining the curious plot. “Getting an alien race to laugh.” Well who is not going to be interested in the tale. 10/10 for this wonderful title and description!

The way you helped the reader “look” at Morlaffs was commendable. As I read, I could see a frail skeleton structure with yellow oval eyes and with pouches on the side of the feets! In fact, when I read what I have just written it becomes even clearer to me that visualizing such a creature wouldn’t have been possible without your wonderful eye for the details which lets me see the Morlaffs.

And hey, the image of a laughing Alien you put up against this story rocks!

Suggestions
None.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
Got to be the lecture scene where you say “strict explanations of what humor is, its history and development, regional, cultural, philosophical and racial differences, the entire gamut of humor as could be supplied by computers and we at the institute. That got us nowhere.”
That plain scientific way of trying to humor the alien cracked me *Laugh* Oh well, I think I am going insane as I can see people in white coats, bearded and spectacled delivering presentations on the history and development of humor. *Laugh**Laugh*

The overall feel
I really enjoyed making Morlaff laugh and in fact, imagined myself being humored by the aliens such was the twisted element in the tale *Laugh* Another story plot, eh!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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140
140
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lesley Scott , I just finished reading "Quit tapping on the glass!"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
The core of this funny, imaginative story was the animals in the tank chatting amongst them, griping to their caretakers and forcing the caretakers to mend their ways *Laugh* Great plot and you dealt with it superbly.

All because of your clever way of depicting emotions and idiosyncrasies of the animals I was able to relate to this weird tale. I was able to “see” the swishing turtle in trunk as well as grouper sneaking from below the rock. It definitely added to the setting of the story and it was possible because of the details you imparted here. Great job, pal.

Suggestions
1. I believe you wanted to use the word “Inadvertently” but typed it as “Inanvertinley” by mistake.

2. The place where you say “Was it his imagination, or did he hear a tv on by the tank?” seems like a bit awkward at that place. Like it happens out of the blue without setting the moment for it, in my humble opinion. Because just before that all was right, there was relief and then suddenly this line comes up. If that could be preceded with say a mumbling “Hey what is that chattering going on” or something less crappy than what I just wrote out there would be a sense of flow, I think.

3. A minor typo again,
Change : “Bosoes” to “Bozos”

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
I would definitely think thrice before tapping on the glass even of a mini aquarium from now on *Laugh*
And the place where the grouper says – “ Were they raised by wolves? No consideration!"” tickles me. Brilliant *Smile*

The overall feel
This is a great plot which demanded imagination and creativity, both of which you seem to possess in plenty. I really enjoyed my trip to the water tank and it made me laugh out loud at places *Laugh*
If you give this tale a retouch, feel free to call me in *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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141
141
Review of First love  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tiger Cub 🔱 , it's me again! I just finished reading "First love"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
This is a sweet little tale with a twist ending which makes it enjoyable. It is a 100 worder I believe and bravo for the fact that you were able to fit in a story with a start, middle and an end, all in so little words. Lovely!
The word choice to me was brilliant. The way you put across the feelings of love were fresh and not plain old or simple. When you say “My happily ever after had arrived” it makes me smile. It is a lovely alternative way of using the word “soulmate”.

Also, although you did not have many words at your disposal you do not make the imagery of the tale suffer because of it. I could imagine the beautiful ebony black eyes shining brightly, full of love as I could see the smiling eyes of the narrator, with the lover in his arms. Good job!

Suggestions

Umm, see you had me tricked for major portion of the story but if you could somehow move the “kids watering the plants” portion to somewhat later you could have fooled me completely. I mean it alerted me, so as to speak, to be ready for a surprise. But that doesn’t mean that I want fooled – no by far no *Laugh*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
It has got to be the place where you say – “Wretched Pheromones” It seems like you hate saying things as they are and I love these types of writing which don’t state the obvious. I believe we all do!

The overall feel
You had me thinking of it as a cute little romance story, then tricked me but nevertheless entertained me all the while keeping the love as the core of the story. Lovely work! *Smile*
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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142
142
Review of A musician's life  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Tiger Cub 🔱 , I just finished reading {item:1989876 } and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
The title of the story was simple and the description invited me to look further. As soon as I go through the first few lines I realize that it involves a demon which resides in a musical instrument and is married to a musician! Now this is interesting. This is something unexpected, weird yet interesting and I think you cleverly made out a story out of the plot.
Maybe I am reading too much between the lines but I believe the narrative has a subtle parallel story running along. For some reason, I felt that the musician is infact enamored by the Stradivarius violin you talk about in the tale and is hopelessly in love with the music making process – Obsessed maybe. His burning passion lies in the playing the instrument and he can’t get his mind away from it it and hence termed as better half!

I may be totally wrong but this is what I felt.
Another strength to me is the light breezy read it offers which is essential to a different kind of subject topic such as this. It made me enjoy it even more.

Suggestions
None

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The place where you say : No. I am not insane. (I had myself tested.) is one of my favorites. Classic.

Apart from it, the last line also tickles me :)

The overall feel
I really enjoyed this curious yet funny tale*Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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143
143
Review of Thank you  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lola ! I just finished reading "Thank you"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
Wow, this is as personal as it gets. I could sense the fact that it is written straight from a wounded heart as there are restrained raw emotions threatening to cut loose anytime. There is as much honesty in this piece as there is sadness which tugs at my heart, throughout.
Another strength to me is that it never went overboard. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to give it the shape of a long rant post - since gloom is all what we see in the times of distress – but you gave it an balanced tone yet never overly suppressing the underlying emotions. To me, that wasn’t an easy to task to do.

Suggestions
Well, it certainly feels odd to point out grammar errors in this personal memo *Blush* but they are the essential elements of any form of writing, in my opinion. They are just minor observations and shouldn’t take much time to do away with :

1) “You took me by surprise. All though your affection itself wasn't really. I had gotten used to it by then.”
Since it is the very first line of the memo, it becomes a bit more noticeable. I would suggest using hyphen “-“ or a “;” to join the three sentences since they are related an dependent. In present form, they appear to be a bit choppy, if I may say.

2) “again there is a different between knowing”
Change “different” to “difference”

3) when we both know you're goal is to get it as big as possible.
Change “you’re” to your.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The place where you describe the night where you fell in love. The description was so beautiful that it made me remember the time when I fell in love. Magic!

The overall feel
There is a certain honestly in your writing which is for all to see but what I also think that you have a way with words. When you described something I was all eyes and ears and that to me speaks of your writing abilities.

As I read on, at many a places I felt like I was the man you were describing there. I know I can be whimsical, moody and what not. I feel sorry for the people around me and I know that I have to get better but then the old habits creep in again. Hope I can remember this heartfelt pain as a slap to my face. Thanks for that *Smile*

I just want to say that I hope you have moved on because ultimately it is “we” who drive our emotions and not the other way around. Take care, dear.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking. I feel honored to read your work.

Thanks,
Nishank

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144
144
Review of Falling  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi E Duckworth ! I just finished reading "Falling"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
No doubt the end takes the cake. What a lovely unexpected end. You got me there, I fell for it, totally! *Laugh**Laugh*

But the end wouldn’t have looked fabulous without the contrast that was made possible by the solid opening lines. I could feel the disappointment of the narrator throughout, maybe because I have felt the same many a times in my life. You know what, these insecurities bug us all so maybe you touched a chord there which affects all of us and thus ensures that this story would be liked by all. Fabulous work there*Smile*

Suggestions/c}
Just minor observations here:
1) The hyphen before “- it seems” could be done away with I think. I am not sure though!
2) In my humble opinion, the sentence “ Sometimes, I wonder why I ever get back up, I would only fall down again” would be better worded as -Emm, Umm - Ahh, no I couldn’t think of an equally worded sentence, so see if you can do it *Wink*

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The image evoked by this wonderful 100 worder of an utterly disappointed, broken person finding a reason to live. Lovely!

The overall feel
This was a superb little story which had just the right mixture for a 100 worder and ended with a suspense. Couldn't have gone better I think. I liked it and would be hopping over more in your ports *Smile* In fact, you have inspired me to write a 100 worder or a 55 worder for that matter!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking. I feel honored to read your work.

Thanks,
Nishank

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145
145
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Whitemorn ! I just finished reading "They Come With The Heat"  and I am here to offer my impressions in the hope that they might help you. Feel free to keep them or trash them, they are all yours *Smile*!

Strengths:
More than the obviously brilliant rhyming and the rhythm, I feel that the fact that the poem makes the reader “see and feel” the nature forms the strength. The dancing butterflies hover in my mind along with mosquitoes, which leave their marks in there. Along with the lovely firefly, the flying gnats and the praying mantis, I could also feel the heat of a typical summer evening. Well painted, sir!

Suggestions/c}
Just minor observations here:
1) “Path” doesn’t gel in with “math”.
2) Also the same line “The Grasshoppers pop to get out of our path,” somehow appears a bit awkward when I read it aloud.
3) The dragonflies “purr” felt a bit out of place since they are more of a “buzz”ing kind rather than purring but that’s just a minor issue.
4) “Hair” and “Swear” do not go exactly rhyming along. If I say it aloud I could spot a bit of bump, you know what I mean?

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
The beetle’s shell right at the start painted a beautiful colorful image in my head and for some reason I saw them colored purple, red and yellow. Silly me!
Then the fireflies won me over as they encircled my heart!

The overall feel
This is a lovely poem which wins at what it is trying to do – to paint a picture of hot summer evening abuzz with different insects, all colorful, some pesky but beautiful nevertheless (– except the mosquitoes and gnats maybe! *Laugh* )

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work, Ron! Keep writing and keep rocking. It was lovely reading it as was the case with your other works.

Thanks,
Nishank

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146
146
Review of A Helping Hand  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Charlie ~ ! I just finished reading "A Helping Hand"  and what a top notch read it was, my friend! I am here to offer my opinions in the hope that they might help you. Keep them or trash them, they are all yours}*Smile*!

Story Strengths:
I am struggling to find out what NOT to write in here. I mean everything including the title, the description, the suspense build up, the setting, the characters, the dialogues, the end and real thrill you have in the soul of this story makes it a perfect read for me. I am so happy for your friend that you have such caliber and skill. Amazing!

If someone puts a gun to my head (the one with the receding hairline*Laugh*) I would say that the narrator’s voice stands out for me. It maintains a distance initially with alight jovial tone but once things start heating up it drags us to hell – the stroke of a genius! Superb!
The fact that you were able to expertly paint a picture in my head was another strength to me. I wince when you tell that the body was contorted, I almost scream when the flashlight falls and my heartbeats get heavier as they two decide what to do with the body and there are sentences like –
“Have you ever tried to dig a shovel into dirt frozen solid during the wicked promise of the devil’s hour? I have. It doesn’t work very well,-”.
Pure *evil* *Smile*

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Perfecto, here too!

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
This is such a brilliant plot in totality that it would be tough to zero down to a single strand but I really liked the way you introduced the thrill in the story with Mike mumbling to himself and voila, the story mood turns upside down within the next few brilliant suspense filled sentences.

The overall feel
This has got to be one amongst the top ten stories I have read on WdC in terms of presentation, the plot completeness and the thrill/suspense factor. And when you read this, please bear in mind that I am allergic to hyperbole, myself, and I say things straight from my honest *Heart*.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking. I really felt honored to read your work.

Thanks,
Nishank

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147
147
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Whitemorn ! I just finished reading "A Totally Unexpected Event"  and I would like to offer you these impressions. I am not an accomplished writer or reviewer so please feel free to use or trash them. They are all yours *Smile*:

Story Strengths
To me, the rapport between the two friends forms the core of the story. Upon reading the story, I could feel as if I met a goofy childhood friend of mine. That to me was the power of the story.
The dialogues were another strong suit. The choice of words was perfect and because of the clever choice the dialogues felt absolutely natural, throughout.

The setting of story was completely believable although if seen individually many of the events may seem improbable. I would not reveal them all but as an example consider the fact that the two friends met all of a sudden via some people search but somehow, you made it sound believable. Well done!
And hey, I loved the nickname Liv along with the name Olivia. *Heart*

Characters:
Jack, the goofy man, was obviously a well crafted character, as I said earlier since I could imagine a friend such as this. So, no more words on that character except for a “Great Job!”

“Stinky” the clever schemer was an integral part too and I could feel the warmth he felt for Jack, his buddy. His camaraderie with Jack is evident throughout the tale, more importantly in his actions rather than his words.

Olivia – the one with the lovely nick name Liv – has a limited role in the tale but man was her character needed! The panic, the mayhem, the eye-rolling and the defending of kids all played a minor but important part in setting the scene.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
Just minor typos, here –
1. "Their not brats you guys, their good kids"

Suggestion --> Change “Their” to “they are”

2. "Well, we need to keep our whits about us right now

Suggestion--> Change “whits” to “wits”.

3. She was stuttering and shaking)

Suggestion --> Remove the “)” at the end.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind:
<Sorry I can’t say much>
The unexpected twist at the end of the story! Not that one, the other one *Laugh*

The overall feel
This is a really good story and I enjoyed reading it.
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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148
148
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dance-Monkey ~ We've got this ! I just finished reading "Memory's Dance (now in book form)"  *Smile*:
I am no acclaimed reviewer or writer but I would still like to offer my impression in the hope that they might help you. Keep them or trash them, they are all yours*Smile*!

Story Strengths:
I really liked the way you started the story. The man talking to a crab who had its own umbrella *Cool* I wanted to know more and it made me read further.

Another thing I really liked was the way in which you made complex things sound simple. There was some heavy stuff in there, especially the last paragraph, but you made the reader feel at ease. In my opinion in your real life, you must be a kind of person who sees the life from a distance, observing the events as they unfold without getting too involved in them and I say so because your writing says so *Smile* Maybe, I am wrong about your personality sketch but I am right about one thing – the quality of the last paragraph was top notch.

Monologue/Third-Person Narration
The narrator’s voice holds my interest throughout the story. Even if I exclude the third paragraph, which I already talked about, the narration stands out for me. The part where mom tells that why the kid and father doesn’t bond was natural and believable, without an effort to be so. Then, the little part where you tell that father and kid were anxious because uncle was coming also was said effortlessly. It might seem to be a simple sentence to some but to me, who struggles saying simple things simply without making them look artificial, that looked great.

Suggestions
For this tale, my suggestions are more like questions *Blush*. Umm, to me the crab story and the rest part seem to be in different worlds. I mean I do not understand the relation between the two! Also, I could understand what Mom had driven into (the crab? *Blush*)
Even as I say this, I have a feeling that there is a subtle underbelly to this story which my untrained eyes were not able to capture. I could gauge that by the deep insight you have about life that somehow there was a connection which I couldn’t spot.
My suggestion would be to obviously dumb down this story a bit. I am not sure of this advice though since I understand that not all writings are meant for everybody!
<For my own curiosity can you please answer these questions in mail, if they don’t take much of your time?>

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
None I could spot

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind
I would remember this line for some time, I know –
“Words are not like rentals, you can't ever take them back. Once they leave a person's mouth, they stop belonging to that person and become the property of whoever is within earshot”
Brilliantly said.

The overall feel
I really feel that you have a wonderful, light way of telling a story and the story felt like a cold breeze on a hot summer day to my soul, at times. IF somehow I could have understood that connection how much would have I liked it, I wonder! My bad *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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149
149
Review of Sweet dreams  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Tiger Cub 🔱 !

I read your story
 Sweet dreams  (13+)
Vs. beautiful nightmares
#1988695 by Tiger Cub 🔱
and I am here to offer my impressions. Though I am no gifted writer or a re-knowned reviewer but I hope that some of it might help you. Please feel free to take or throw away anything what you like from this. *Smile*

Strengths:
What an amazing creativity you have. I really liked the way you built such a fascinating tale literally out of nowhere. I mean we all dream, sleep and get nightmares but how many of us think that way! I am really impressed with the novel way in which you set the story. To me this was the core of the story.
The Title coupled with the description is which drew me in so full points to you there too.

While reading the dialogues, I could imagine the dreams fighting amongst and the confused dreamer/author staring which indicates that the dialogues complimented well the core creativity of the story. Great work!

Suggestions
This is a tremendously creative tale and hence it is difficult to better it but I think, going by the great creativity, you can think of some additional characters which would add even more intrigue and playfulness to the story. Like say another category of dreams, nightmare or say an additional plot like say dreams falling in love with human – that kind of stuff. I know you can do it because I could see you creative bent of mind through this story *Smile*


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:

At the place where you write “The Author” it confused me for a second. If you could write it by the sentence in the paragraph above it, I think it would be okay.


The lasting memory of this piece in my mind:
The Author looking for a muse comes into the dreamland! I cant stop being impressed!

Overall Feel
Amazingly creative story. Even if you don’t add anything new to this present story it stands out because of the plot. If you add something to it or if you have any other favorites do mail me, if you want a review. *Smile*
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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150
150
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi JTD !
I read your story
 Vincent Sasia: Pride  (18+)
1. chapter of my book about a man who lets the ends justify the means
#1987626 by JTD
and I am here to offer my impressions. Though I am no gifted writer or a re-knowned reviewer but I hope that some of it might help you. Please feel free to take or throw away anything what you like from this. *Smile*

Strengths:
To me the way you started the story really stood out. Your reasoning behind wars was detailed and an accurate description of the clever ways in which government in today’s time work. The fact that there is no clear enemy just scapegoats is clearly established by the opening salvo. I liked it.
Another strength of your tale in my opinion was the way you injected details into the torture meted out to Stanley and his son. I literally had to look away at times to escape the pain. Amazing work there.

Suggestions
Not many that I can think of. The only part which could be touched upon a bit are the dialogues. At present they are good but at some places, things happen too fast, which I think is difficult to capture and that is the reason that they seem a bit out of place Mind you, just a bit, because in the present form too they do their job well enough.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
None that I could spot.

The lasting memory of this piece in my mind:
It has got to be the tone during the introduction where you tell how education could be used to corrupt. Loved the way you built that.

Overall Feel
Overall, i think that it is a very good start to the novel. It forms a good chapter 1 and I would love to see how it moves forward. Mail me whenever you need a review of Chapter 2. I would be glad to dive in *Smile*
*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Keep writing and keep rocking.

Thanks,
Nishank

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