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76
76
Review of The Campfire  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, workin nights Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because one of my tasks in "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. is to review 5 campfire-related items on WDC. I'm glad I did! Not only did I learn a great deal about the Scout's rituals, but I also enjoyed it immensely!

Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the campfire scene, and I loved the way you personified the elements of nature, starting with the trees in the beginning of the story. You captured my interest at that point and held it throughout.

I was a bit miffed by the sudden switch to three months later, but it wasn't long until you took the reader back to that time with a full description of the events. You have an excellent writing style, and I imagine you would write terrific poems with your "show, don't tell" style. I was simply looking for a story about a campfire and got so much more! Good job.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest changing "one was a SUV" to "one was an SUV". Read it aloud, and you'll see what I mean.

"Trees seeking the sun's last rays..."

"The old Scoutmaster's name was Stanley; there was more..."

"Arthritic hands moving slowly up the staff are raising him off the rock" because you're telling the story in present tense.

"...are now etched with sharp contrast..."
"The brightness of the fire illuminates the area around us..." Again, be careful to remain in present tense. Also, by the use of "us," this is the first time the reader becomes aware that the narrator is part of the group. As a matter of fact, throughout the story, the narrator refers to "the group," which indicates that he is not a part. I found that a bit strange and would suggest making that clear earlier in the story.

"...feelings its intensity..." It's is a contraction for "it is."

"The road equipment couldn't be used..." as you are telling that part of the story in past tense.

"now being led by their stars."

"see him pause at some and see him sigh..."

"old scout master's" Be careful to add apostrophes to indicate possession.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short, informational story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
77
77
Review of We Missed You  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Monochrome Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Horror is one of my favorite genres, and the title of this story caught my eye. I also entered a story in this contest, so how could I not check this story out? Normally, I would suggest that you change the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about, but I think your description is ok in this instance, because the genre and title were enough to make me want to read this story.

I don't often see a story written in second person narrative, but it worked well for this piece. It made me feel as though I was more a part of the story. Writing in present tense also worked well, and you did a terrific job of remaining in present tense throughout. The transitions in time were also smooth.

The first two sentences immediately drew me in, and the story held my interest throughout. Your descriptive writing helped me to sense the emptiness and feel the heat of the stifling room as you described. I felt anxious throughout the story, as I'm sure you intended, and after the revelations about the grandmother, I was on the edge of my seat. The story ended perfectly, going back to the title. Cliffhanger endings are a hit or miss for me, but I loved this one!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest changing this sentence: "You get off the car as your uncle greeted you and your parents with a warm smile." to "You get out of the care as your uncle greets you and your parents with a warm smile." This is the only instance I noticed that you switched to past tense.

" The next daymorning, while having breakfast, you unexpectedly ask your mom about your grandmother whom you’ve never met."

I would omit the word "already" from "Your grandma is already very old..." because you have already established in the previous paragraph that the photo was taken in her last days when she was 79.

"Your mom doesn’t usually talk about her late parents ever since." I think that sentence would read better if those two words were omitted.

I suggest changing "she can’t easily sleep at night..." to "she couldn't easily sleep at night..." Even though the story is written in present tense, this is a direct quote by the mother, so it's ok for it to be in past tense.

"you hear a hollow voice in your left ear."


*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this little horror story. I am so impressed by how much you have grown as an author in such a short time! I think your story is much better than the one I entered in the contest. As always, it has been a pleasure reading and reviewing your work, and I will most definitely be dropping by your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
78
78
Review of Thick Skin  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Malevolent_Preacher Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: First of all, welcome to WDC! I can see you're already off to a good start. I stumbled my way into your port, the title of this poem intrigued me, so here I am!

You made quite an impact with those five lines. I'm somewhat hesitant to review poetry, because it intimidates me. Still, I know what I like, and I really enjoyed this piece. I loved the first two lines, and I can easily relate to the entire poem as I am sure many of us can. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First I would suggest only capitalizing words when they're at the beginning of a sentence.

"artists rendition" should be "artist's rendition"

"Before it drys" should be "before it dries" Spellcheck will usually underline a misspelled word in red as you type.

You have to be very careful with such a short piece, because errors are much more obvious and detract from the professionalism of the piece.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to seeing more of your work. If there is ever anything I can do to help you find your way around the site, please don't hesitate to let me know. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the site!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
79
79
Review of Damien  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Monochrome Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Wow! I actually got goosebumps as I read the last line of this story. I don't recall ever entering the Dialogue 500 contest, but I imagine writing a story using only dialogue would be quite difficult. You made it seem effortless here!

You did a terrific job of describing the characters and their relationship through their dialogue. You also managed to add a couple of other character (their mothers). The dialogue was believable, and I could tell that the cousins were close. You captured my interest with the first line and held it throughout. And the last line blew me away. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest changing, “No! It’s a hobby that I get hooked on lately" to “No! It’s a hobby that I have been hooked on lately!”

Also, I was wondering why Damien was ever at the hospital if he was found frozen to death. Wouldn't they have taken him to the morgue instead? And I guess his mother was at the hospital because she had a breakdown because of his death?

Regardless, I enjoyed this piece so much that a 5 star rating was warranted and well deserved.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It's truly a pleasure watching you grow as an author and expand your horizons! You should be proud of this piece, because it's your best yet. I will definitely be visiting your port for another review soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
80
80
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I stopped by your port to do an anniversary review, and I chose this story because I noticed that one of the genres is psychology. I'm glad I did! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here.

I love the comparison of yellow and black to life and death and the canvas to the author's life. First person narrative worked well for this piece. The story was so emotionally intense, I was surprised to see it was fiction. I'm sure that many of us can relate to the healthcare crisis, and this was a terrific way to convey the worst case scenario that could result from lack of adequate coverage.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I hate that I cannot offer any suggestions for improvement, but I think this story is perfect as-is. Grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless. You made every word count, and you didn't add any unnecessary detail, nor did you omit anything that was necessary.

I do, however, suggest that you write more! I noticed that there is a limited number of items in your port. I love your writing style, and I would like to see more short stories written by you!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a happy 8th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
81
81
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I don't normally review poetry, but I wanted to send you an anniversary review, and your port contained only poetry. I really enjoyed this short poem. I have had relationships that have failed after several years, so this piece was easy for me to relate to. I particularly liked the optimism conveyed in the poem. During the time of a major hurtful event, it's too easy to be overwhelmed by the immediate pain and heartbreak. This poem serves as a reminder that things will get better if you take it "one day at a time." Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: There's a spelling error in the second stanza. It should be "Reflect on your smile"

I read the poem aloud and the third stanza didn't flow as fluidly as the rest. I suggest omitting the word "all" to make it:

"One day at a time, I’ll put your pictures away,
I’ll pray to the Lord, to show me the way."

I would also suggest changing "I'll" in the last stanza to "I will." I suggest that, because the poem began with "I will," and I also think the change would make the last stanza flow more fluidly.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon! Hope you have a wonderful 8th WDC anniversary!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
82
82
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Monochrome Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Thank you for asking me to review this story. I'm sorry it has taken me so long, but I wanted to make sure I had adequate time to give your work the attention it deserves. As you know, I have become fond of your work, and I have enjoyed watching you grow as a writer. I read your bioblock, and I strongly disagree with your assertion that you are not a good writer. You are a terrific writer. As a matter of fact, you are so good that I didn't realize that English wasn't your first language until I read it there.

Now, to the review. This is my favorite story that you have written yet. The character is believable and interesting, and you have done an excellent job describing him. I like the idea that he has been in solitude for so long that he has come to rely on the voices in his head for company/guidance, even to the point of naming them.

I was surprised by the switch to the school scene, and my immediate thought was that it had all been a dream. I also want to praise your smooth transition. You have improved so much since your first story! Then, the transition back to the cave scene blew me away! I love stories with a twist, and you have done a superb job with this one. The message on the cave wall that Isog was finally able to read at the end of the chapter has me longing for more!!!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I know I have urged you to give more description, and I must say you have done an terrific job of doing so. However, I stumbled over the following sentence: "He held this three-foot long wooden spear with a pointed shaft made of stone in his left hand for a while." I think it would be better to split it into two sentences: "He held his wooden spear in his left hand for awhile. It was three-feet long with a pointed shaft made of stone."

"He aimed at the target for a second; then, he strongly stabbed his spear..."

"...2 inches thick, enough for one meal."

"All he could remember were the voices inside his head directing him to do things – most of them were helpful, but one kept telling him he'd be better off dead."

"...as the liquid poured on it on the ground."

"...cursed at it, then and turned a deaf ear then"

"Isog ran fast as he could, bumping the rotting..."

"He did this almost every afternoon, so he was already used to it."

"I can’t imagine how I would live without you guys."

"For as long as he could remember, he had been living in that cave alone, ever since and those symbols had always him question what they were and what they meanthe had always wondered what those symbols were and what they meant."

"...he recognized them very well as if he had been using them all his life."

"holding a book and a wooden stick"

"it was the first time to behe'd been in that world."

"closed his eyes again and opened them to see if he was really back"

"Isog stood still just right before the stone wall."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another great story. You are a great writer, and you shouldn't ever think otherwise. I realize now that a lot of errors in your stories are due to the fact that English isn't your first language, and that makes me even more impressed by your writing skill. I trust that you'll let me know when you add more to the story, because I'm anxious to read on!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
83
83
Review of The Eyes Have It  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Angus Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I loved it! Because I have read so many of your excellent stories, I have high expectations from you, and I have never been disappointed. I love flash fiction, particularly those in the dark and horror genres, and this little piece quickly took me from having an anxious, foreboding feeling to chuckling at the end. I share your love of the dark tales with an unexpected twist, and this one was perfect.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: As always, your grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless.

My first thought was that it doesn't make sense for someone to be happy to go to work. *Laugh* But, seriously, I always feel bad for not being able to offer you any useful suggestions, but I rarely see room for improvement in any of your work. If I catch a rare error, I almost do a happy dance, because I feel that I'm finally able to offer you something useful. But I think it's sufficient to let you know that I love your writing and admire you as an author.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing your talent with us. This story was a pleasure to read and review, and I will certainly be visiting your port again soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
84
84
Review of Striking pulp  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Conwritedd Author Icon. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: First of all, I commend you for getting this story out of your head and onto paper (the computer). I'm ashamed to say that, even though the story was very short and I absolutely love horror stories, I couldn't make enough sense of it to read it from beginning to end. You change tenses with every sentence. In fact, you sometimes change tense within a sentence. I couldn't get into the first paragraph, so I went to the third and last paragraph. I couldn't understand it either. So I tried the second paragraph. And I couldn't find one sentence that made sense.

My Suggestions: Let's go through a few sentences at the beginning of the story:

"The clouds rides through the ocean sky, the twilight synchronized by getting dimmer and dimmer." Did you mean the clouds ride through the ocean sky? Or they rise? Next sentence:

"I stood there while the strong wind blows until my hair moves backward." The word "stood" indicates that the story is written in past tense, but the words "blows" and "moves" indicate present tense. Next sentence:

"The strong gale evaporates my eyeball and I squinted with my eyelids." The word "evaporates" indicates present tense, but the word "squinted" indicates past tense. And I find "evaporates my eyeball" a strange phrase. Next sentence:

"The collars of my jacket lead way to wind through the excessive heat of my body." Jackets normally have only one collar. And that sentence makes no sense to me. Next sentence:

"Receptors in my skin activates the goosebumps of my body." Receptors activate, not activates. Next sentence:

"My fingers collects icing coldness and makes my shiver." I'm not sure what this means either, but I do know it should be "...makes me shiver."

Overall: Thank you for sharing your work. I wish I could be more helpful, but I just couldn't tell what you intended to convey with this story.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
85
85
Review of Journey  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Simonini Simonini Author Icon. First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: First of all, the rating for your story should be changed to "13+" because alcohol is mentioned in the story.

The title and description of this story are intriguing and appropriate, and they made me want to read this piece. You gave the reader quite a bit of information with relatively few words. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write something meaningful or to get your point across using few words, and you did a great job of it here.

First person narration worked well for this piece, and I found myself empathizing with the narrator. If this story is personal, it saddens me that you have such little interaction with the world. Why would you not want to get close to your grandchildren? And you may end up liking your new house even better than the one in which you currently live!

My Suggestions: As I said before, you should change the rating of the story from "E" to "13+". I strongly suggest that you review "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window. to become familiar with the content rating system. You can click on the link in this review.

I almost think that English is your second language with the way the story is written. Although I was able to understand what you intended to say in most instances, the sentences could be written more clearly. For example, I would change:

"It has been a long time since I go out of my place. Mostly I confines myself in my house. In this age of seventy, it is better to say that I lost my enthusiasm to explore the outer world." to

"I has been a long time since I have left my house. At the age of seventy, I have lost my enthusiasm to explore the outer world. Mostly, I confine myself to my room."

Later in the story, you did mention that you stay in your room most of the time.

Overall: This is an interesting short story that would be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, please don't hesitate to contact me if I can be of assistance. I look forward to seeing you around WDC!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
86
86
Review of LIGHT  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wow! This is much, MUCH better! I can empathize with Jacob so much better now that you have written more about him. The transitions between scenes are smoother as well.

I cleared my rating of the story and gave a rating that is more appropriate for the edited version. Thanks for allowing me to read it again. I told you it would be much better! *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
87
87
Review of The Replacement  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it is to write a meaningful story in 300 words our less. You made it seem effortless. You adequately established the plot, the scene, the characters, the conflict and the resolution. The story quickly captured my attention, and you held my interest throughout.

The plot was original, and I was anxious to see how the story would end. I love stories with a twist at the end, and this one is terrific. Although cliffhangers tend to be a hit or miss for me, this one was definitely the latter. Great job!

My Suggestions: I suggest that you change the story's description to something that gives the reader a hint as to what the story is about. You have already established that it's fiction in the story type. And I, for one, am more likely to read a story when the author gives me a small clue as to what to expect.

In the sentence, "His voice though tender as fresh autumn leaves floating upon a smooth glassy lake tasted like foul, bitter ash upon my tongue," I suggest that you set off "though tender as fresh autumn leaves floating upon a smooth glassy lake" off with commas. Otherwise, I stumble over the sentence.

"guaging his reaction" should be "gauging his reaction." I'm surprised spellcheck didn't catch it, because it kept autocorrecting when I typed the misspelled word.

I couldn't help but wonder why Adam didn't know that Bernuli had a twin sister named Eve if he had been in a relationship with her.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
88
88
Review of Opiate  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, champaignesupernova Author Icon. First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: Although I've never suffered from drug addiction, I have talked to many who have, and the feelings you describe seem to be the general consensus. If the story is personal and you are currently an addict, I encourage you to seek treatment. There are many rehabilitation facilities that offer such help. If you aren't an addict, then you did a great job of describing what it must feel like.

I didn't understand the purpose of certain words capitalized throughout the piece. At first, I thought those particular must be important to you in your battle, but there were so many, that couldn't be the reason. You have terrific descriptions, but the lack of punctuation and the numerous capitalizations detracted from my reading enjoyment.

My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest that you add punctuation to the piece. You have no periods at the end of sentences, and it makes the piece extremely difficult to read with clarity. After you do that, I suggest that you edit to get rid of any capitalization that isn't necessary. As I'm sure you know, capital letters are only warranted at the beginning of sentences and with proper nouns.

Neurotransmitters is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this piece. It was a good read that could be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be happy to help in any way I can. Again, welcome to WDC, and I look forward to seeing you around!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
89
89
Review of Crystal's Charms  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Dave Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Wow! I was completely mesmerized by this story, and I would go so far as to say that this is the best story I have read on WDC! I literally had goosebumps as I read.

I live in an area where I see many lives destroyed as a result of crystal meth, so this story really hit home. You convey so much in such a short time. I rechecked the genre and description to see if this was a personal experience, because I had a hard time believing one could capture such raw, vivid, heartfelt emotion in a fictional piece. First person narrative was the perfect choice, and I found myself feeling despair for the narrator.

The title worked well for the story, and you truly made every word count. Your writing style is amazing, and it felt as though I took the tumultuous journey with Mary Beth. The ending was excellent as well, and the photo added to the overall experience of the story.

My Suggestions: I'm still in awe, so I can't imagine how I could suggest something that I deem to be perfect any better. In an effort to try, I would suggest changing the story's description from "Flash Fiction" to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about.

Overall: It was truly a pleasure reading and reviewing this fantastic story. I will most definitely be visiting your port again soon!

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90
90
Review of illicit affair  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, kaitlyn Author Icon! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I'm glad to see that you have already written so many items! I chose this piece, because I saw that it's the first chapter of a story, so what better place to start? The title was intriguing, and even though this chapter was extremely short, I enjoyed reading it.

First person narrative works well for this story, and you captured my interest from the first few words and held it throughout. I must say, though, that this was more of a very short scene than a chapter in a story. I would expect a chapter to be much longer.

My Suggestions: First, I suggest capitalizing the title of the story. I think it looks more professional, and I, for one, am more likely to read a story when the title is capitalized.

Next I suggest that you skip lines between paragraphs to make the story easier to read and more visually appealing.

I found that the story had many run-on sentences, sentence fragments and spelling errors. For example, "He’s doing it on purpose the lip brushing against my ear when he whispers something pointless into it." is a run-on sentence. This could be remedied by changing it to something like, "He's brushing his lips against my ear when he whispers something pointless to me on purpose."

"The low hum of his voice." is a sentence fragment. What about the low hum of his voice?

"I’m sat in a room..." should be "I'm sitting in a room..."

"... way to obvious" should be "...way too obvious"

"ironclad composer" should be "ironclad composure"

Overall: This is a good chapter that would be much better after a thorough edit. I hope you decide to add more to each chapter of the story, because I find what you already have very interesting. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

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91
91
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Maryann Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm especially honored to review one of the upper staff members of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!

My Thoughts: I loved this little story! I remember reading similar stories as a child, and this little gem was just as good. I chose this piece, because I was intrigued by the title and description, and I wasn't disappointed!

The photo at the beginning of the story was a nice touch and, combined with your descriptive writing, it was easy to picture the scene as I read. The story held my interest throughout. I particularly like the way you told the reader how the business came to be before letting Mandy and Gina dive into their first real case.

The characters that appeared in the story were interesting and believable, and I enjoyed the girls' interactions with them. I couldn't suppress a smile as I read this lighthearted children's story. Great job!

My Suggestions: First and foremost, I suggest that you turn the Lemonade Girls Detective Agency into a series of children's books. I think they would be a huge success. Along with the characters you have already introduced, you can bring more onto the scene in future books. And with all of those characters, there will be many mysteries to solve!

I just noticed a few things that I would suggest changing:

"We want to save up money so that we could buy a big playhouse from Toys R Us." should be "We wanted to save up money so that we could buy a big playhouse from Toys R Us." The sentence before and after are in past tense, so the word should be changed to keep that sentence in past tense as well.

“Where is buster?" should be "Where is Buster?" The dog's name is capitalized every other time it is mentioned.

Overall: It was truly a pleasure to read and review this short story that took me on a little trip down memory lane. Thanks for sharing, and I will definitely be visiting your port again soon!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
92
92
Review of The Dead Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hello, Liam Author IconI'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I chose this story because I was intrigued by the title, and I'm glad I did! You made excellent use of the prompt sentence, and I like the way you made the note at the end of the story about the reason for its use.

Although the story was quite short, it was complete. The plot was original, and first person narration worked well for this piece. I could just imagine poor Malcom's despair at having to make a 65 mile journey to deliver one letter. And I could easily picture the envelope from your vivid description.

The ending of the story was perfect. I found myself wondering if Mary's son died shortly after he sent the card since the postmark was 15 years old and he had died 15 years before. I almost wish Mary would have elaborated about the time and circumstances of his death, but the mystery works well for the story. I love a story in which something so seemingly trivial ultimately teaches a valuable lesson. Great job!

My Suggestions: I think the story is terrific as evidenced by my five star rating. I noticed no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

I did wonder, however, why Malcom had to drive so far to deliver the letter. I realize that he delivers the mail, but wouldn't it be up to the Masonville mail carrier to deliver this particular letter? And why was there only 1 letter on the truck? It's not something that detracted from the story for me. Those are just questions that came to mind while writing my review.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional short story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

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93
93
Review of LIGHT  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Monochrome Author Icon! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here! It's a bit difficult writing a story such as this in first person narrative. You have to work hard to describe the narrator in such a way that helps the reader relate to him and/or empathize with him. I learned from the description that his name was Jake, but that isn't mentioned in the story. You did tell us a few things about the narrator: he's 27, a nontraditional college student, has a scar, is getting wrinkled and wears glasses. It's just not enough in a story like this.

I love the way the story began with the dream and then ended with the dream actually happening. Cliffhanger endings are either a hit or a miss for me, but I really like the way the story ended. I was left with so many questions: What happened to Jacob? Did he and the 18 year old end up together? In this instance, though, I liked being left wondering. Good job!

My Suggestions: I would love to see more added to the story. Maybe the story could begin with the narrator telling a bit more about himself and his history up until the point the story begins. Had he worked? Why did he decide to go to college? How had his extreme shyness affected him?

The story is in the present tense, but there are a lot of instances where you switch to past tense. For example, " I was just too afraid to do anything. I couldn't run." should be "I am just too afraid to do anything. I can't run."

Throughout the story, you write a lot of short sentences that could easily be combined to form one sentence. For example, "I get this dream too often. Nightmare actually. I get used to it." could simply be written as "I have had this nightmare so often, I'm used to it."

I found it a bit difficult to believe that the narrator had been in a class with the other guy for an entire semester and hadn't even learned his name. Hadn't the professor or another student ever mentioned it?

Overall: This is a good story that could be much better with more description and suggested revisions. It was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

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94
94
Review of Once Upon A Time  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Angus Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work. Okay, that's my standard introduction, but I have to say that I'm super excited to be the first to review this article, because you have always been one of my favorite authors!!

My Thoughts: I always think of horror stories and dark little stories that leave me with goosebumps when I think of you, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by this biographical piece. I truly enjoyed learning more about you and the early part of your life. I'm glad you finally realized that you wanted to be a writer, because this site wouldn't be the same without you!

As always, I love your writing style. I actually chuckled a few times as I read. "An old wise man once said…something really wise." *Rolling* I particularly enjoyed the way you kept reminding the reader that you were talking about yourself. Only you!

My Suggestions: Well, I suggest that you keep working on "Penny And Nickel" Open in new Window. so I can read it. I thought about giving you a low rating because you referenced it, but I couldn't access it. *Smirk2*

I actually have a legitimate suggestion for a perfect piece!! I suggest that you add biographical, personal and comedy as genres.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this personal piece. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I will definitely be dropping by your port again soon!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
95
95
Review of The Monastery  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Let me begin by saying that your handle is great. *Laugh* Now, as to your story...I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less. You did a good job here. Mystery is one of my favorite genres, so this story was right up my alley.

The title and description are appropriate. Who wouldn't want to read a short mystery about a monastery? First person narration worked well for this piece. You did a good job of describing the scene, and I could easily picture the abandoned monastery and the associated eeriness. Although I was expecting a terrifying ending, the story ended adequately, and I wasn't left feeling cheated. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I didn't feel that there was adequate character description. The reader doesn't learn anything about the narrator other than he or she has a male friend named Nic. That made it difficult for me to really get into the story and empathize with the narrator. I suggest including a bit more about the narrator in the story.

Also, throughout the story, I thought the narrator was with a group of people. Even now, I think it's a possibility. I suggest being more clear as to how many people are involved. I believe you could address both of my suggestions while keeping the story 300 words or less.

At the beginning of the story, "broken gate that lead to a vision" should be "broken gate that led to a vision".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy 5th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
96
96
Review of Knock Knock Knock  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction and my favorite genre is horror, so this story was right up my alley. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless. The twist at the end was spectacular, and I actually got goosebumps when it read it. Good job!

With just a few sentences, you provided a setting, a conflict, a resolution and believable characters. The title of the story was appropriate and it, along with the story's genre, helped me make my decision to read it. I'm glad I did. This is one of those stories that makes you feel unsettled for awhile after you read it.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I found it odd that the intruder lying in Will's bed would give itself away by asking Sean to look under the bed. Maybe Sean could hear him whimpering or something instead and look under the bed?

I was also left wondering what caused the knocking. Although I didn't really think about it after reading the excellent twist at the end, the question popped into my head as I was writing this review, and I couldn't shake it. Something to think about.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This little horror story was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
97
97
Review of Station at Night  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because I love flash fiction, and the Thriller/Suspense genre is one of my favorites. However, as much as I wanted to love this story, I just couldn't quite make that needed connection. Maybe it was because of the lack of description of the main character. Or the buildup of suspense only to lead to the tame ending.

You have a good writing style, and I loved some of the descriptions you used. I especially like the way you personified the wind, giving the story an eerie feel. You picked the perfect setting for the story. Who wouldn't be afraid in an abandoned train station?

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest that you give the main character of the story a name and give a little more detail about him. It was hard to empathize and fear for a character whom I knew so very little about. What was his job that brought him there? How about a physical description? Anything to make the character seem more realistic.

In the last sentence of the fourth paragraph, "travels" should be "traveled" since the rest of the story is in past tense.

"willing for the train to arrive" should be "willing the train to arrive"

I also wondered why he wouldn't have tried to call his wife to tell her he'd be late when he first realized how late it was while he was still in the pub. I assume he was already late by that time.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
98
98
Review of Chance  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because it had no ratings despite being posted over 10 years ago. Also, according to the description, it's not yet finished, but it hasn't been edited in over 10 years. I hope that this review will give you the motivation you need to start working on it again.

Chance is an interesting and unusual character, and the information you provided about her made me anxious to learn more. The story's description says she's working in a man's field. What field would that be? I'd also like to learn more about her history with Bruce as well as her relationship with her father. How old is she? Why did she feel she would never be able to improve her apartment?

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First and foremost, it has been over 10 years, so start working on this story again! You already have an extremely interesting start.

I couldn't help but wonder why Chance decided to allow Bruce to go after her father with relatively little persuasion but then she was surprised to see him in one piece afterwards. I got the impression that she sort of liked Bruce, so why would she voluntarily let him walk into a volatile situation?

"taller then him" should be "taller than him".

"...reaching for her purse. Bruce stopped her."

You forgot to end the quotation in the sixth paragraph.

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Overall: This is a good start to a story, and I can't wait to see where you go from here. Please let me know if and when you add more to it! Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
99
99
Review of The Day I Died  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to read this story because of the title. How could I not check out a story with such a title? I must say that the story was very interesting, but it would have had much more of an impact had it not been replete with errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation.

Because of the story's description, I wonder if the entire story was a dream or if the narrator had the dream after being hit by the car. Maybe you could edit the description to clarify this. Either way, it was an interesting idea for a story, and it had a great ending!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My first suggestion is to break the story down into paragraphs for an easier read.

Next, I suggest doing a spell check to catch some of the most obvious misspellings. One of the errors it wouldn't catch: "This surly is Heaven" should read "This surely is Heaven".

Keep in mind that you should use "you're" as a contraction for "you are" rather than the word "your". That should be changed near the end of the story.

Don't forget to put question marks at the end of questions.

When you put something in quotation marks, it indicates that it's a direct quote. Many times in the story, you quoted things but put them in past tense. For example, "Was this It?” I thought Since at the time, you were thinking in present tense, it should be "Is this it? I thought As you can see, there was no need to capitalize the word "it".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This was an interesting story that could be much better after a thorough edit. If you require further assistance with the edit, just let me know, and I'll be happy to assist. Thanks for sharing!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
100
100
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because the title interested me, and I wanted to see how the girl silenced the voices. I'm glad I did! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here. You smoothly transitioned over a period of years, yet the story was complete and flowed well. Good job!

You managed to convey a positive message about constructive criticism, which is particularly relevant on a site such as this. It's important to remember that constructive reviews can make an author's writing better while it still remains the work of the author. Even without being given her name, it was easy to empathize with the little girl. The story left me with a positive feeling as I'm sure you intended.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest capitalizing the word "voices" in the title to make the story look more professional. Due to the lack of capitalization, I didn't expect such a terrific story.

In the third paragraph, "any more" should be changed to "anymore".

In the fourth paragraph, "it's flaws" should be "its flaws". It's is a contraction for "it is" and is not to be used to show possession.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this sweet, inspirational story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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