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101
101
Review of Don-Caram  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because horror is my favorite genre, and I was intrigued by the title and description. I wasn't disappointed. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, and you did a good job here.

I was immediately drawn in, because I had never heard of Don-Caram even though the narrator thought I should have. The description of the man created an eerie atmosphere, and I have seen the little overlooked and unwanted toys on store shelves like you described.

The ending was a bit of a surprise and added to the story's mystique. You did a great job of creating a lasting impression with such a short piece.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed an error in the last sentence of the story. It should be, I am running out of test subjects."

You have a good idea here with this Don-Caram character, and I'd love to read a more in-depth story about him. What does he do with his test subjects? Why does he make the toys? Are the two related? I suggest that you write more about him!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It was a pleasure to read and review this short story, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
102
102
Review of Gift for Natalie  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I looked in your port for something to review that didn't have an award, but it was nearly impossible. *Laugh* The title of this story and its description caught my eye and, as horror is my favorite genre, I couldn't resist. I made a great choice! This story is excellent! You created a masterpiece with the sentence prompt, and I imagine you won the contest.

You immediately captured my attention with the scene at work, and I couldn't imagine why Natalie wouldn't appreciate such a thoughtful gift. When you mentioned her neighborhood shortly thereafter, I was confused. Why didn't this married couple live together? You quickly answered that question in a perfect way! Also, the way you switched from past to present tense during this part of the story intensified the emotion and kept me on the edge of my seat.

The ending was perfect and, despite the tension leading up to it, I couldn't help but chuckle. You have a terrific writing style, and I enjoyed every word of this short story. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: It's hard to make suggestions for such a perfect story, but I have to offer something. *Laugh* In the fifth paragraph, when the boss is talking about her husband, I suggest italicizing the word "Your" to stress the way the boss is saying it. "Your husband?" It just seems like she would be saying it that way. I also wondered what type of job Paul had, but I know that's not relevant.

A few paragraphs later, I stumbled a little with "I grabbed the bouquet off of my bed and held them..." since a bouquet is a singular item. I would suggest changing it to "I grabbed the bouquet off my bed and held it…" or "I grabbed the bouquet off my bed and held the flowers…"


*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall:It was a pleasure reading and reviewing this short, dark story, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
103
103
Review of The Hitchhiker  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction (both reading and writing), and I know how difficult it can be to writing a meaningful story with a limited word count, especially with the use of prompt words. You made it seem effortless. You wrote a realistic, interesting story, and the prompt words fit right in. Good job!

As I am also a fan of the thriller genre, I just had to check this story out. I'm glad I did! The title was appropriate and made me want to read the story. Although the tale didn't turn out to be dark, there was that possibility that it could have been, and that made it better. The character descriptions were adequate for such a short piece, and I liked the way you always referred to McNerny by last name. It added a bit more mystery to the piece.

The ending was great, and the conflict was resolved. I imagine that you won the contest with this little jewel.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I saw no issues with grammar, spelling and punctuation. The story flowed smoothly and held my interest throughout.

Since you had the 300 word limit, I would suggest that you reconsider having two different sentences near the end of the story informing the reader that the gun was small. With such a stringent word limit, you have to make every word count and, since you already established that the gun was small in the first sentence of that paragraph, there was no need to repeat it a few sentences later.

Also, I would suggest changing the description to tell a bit more about the story to help draw more readers. You could put a note at the beginning or end of the story itself to inform the reader that it was written for a contest with the 3 prompt words.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I can't believe I was the first to rate this well-written story! It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
104
104
Review of One Last  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Although it was very short, this poem adequately described the reasoning of a person with alcohol addiction. The title was appropriate and catchy, and it's actually what led me to read and review this piece. I had to find out one last what? I thought the poem would have something to do with relationship issues, and I was pleasantly surprised.

I would normally have an issue with the lack of punctuation, but due to the brevity of the poem, it worked here. I loved the line "One last drink to rehydrate my denial." Although I have never suffered from alcohol addiction, I have known a few who have, and this poem and that particular line perfectly described them. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that this poem has been posted for several years but has only received a few ratings. I think you may be able to draw more attention to it by changing the description you have posted. It isn't really necessary to ask readers to read and review in the description as we tend to do that anyway. I would suggest letting the reader know that the poem relates to alcohol addiction.

Also, you have the genre listed as "other". Maybe you could attract more readers by choosing a few different genres. How about emotional? Drama? Even personal? When looking for something to read and review, people often look for things they can relate to. Mentioning alcohol in the description and choosing more genres could make the poem show up in more searches.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Although I don't often read poetry, I really enjoyed this poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy account anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
105
105
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I was intrigued by the description. And I must say you met your objective. I am a big fan of the horror genre, and you adequately set a nice little horror scene, even if it was just the narrator's imagination.

I liked the way you began the story with the question about directions on a shampoo bottle. I'm sure many readers can relate to this, as I have often questioned the necessity of those directions myself.

At the end of the first paragraph, you relate being especially crazy to always locking the door. I couldn't make this connection. I would think it crazy not to always lock the door, especially with the potential for intruders. Still, I enjoyed the story, especially the narrator's quickly increasing departure from reality. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest doing a thorough edit of the story to correct spelling errors. For instance, in the last paragraph, the words shriek and ceiling are spelled incorrectly. Also, "the ceiling is moving downward."

"..three years in counting..." should be "...three years and counting..."

In the last paragraph, " I reach for the knob to lock the door, but as my feet try to move they are glued to the floor." If you're already reaching for the knob, why would moving your feet be necessary? Also, why isn't the door already locked since you were so adamant in the first paragraph that you always lock the doors?

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a good story that I think could be even better if you take my questions/suggestions into consideration. Regardless, I enjoyed the read!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
106
106
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Wow. Horror is my favorite genre, and you did an excellent job with this short story. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful horror story using few words, but you made it seem effortless.

The title of the story grabbed my attention, and just a few sentences in, I decided the story was chilling, haunting. First person narrative worked well for this piece. I was immediately drawn in, and I remained on the edge of my seat throughout. Although I expected a horrific ending, I was still taken by surprise.

I see the story was a contest entry, and I can't imagine that it didn't win. You could write an entire series of stories about this character, and I would read every one of them. *Laugh*

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that you indented every paragraph except for the first one. Was there a specific reason for this? I would suggest indenting it.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, a comma should be inserted between "me" and "what".

In the sixth paragraph, you write, "It must have been drugs that brought her to this." And I assume you are referring to what the man is thinking. I stumbled over that part. I would either italicize that sentence to indicate it's not the narrator's words or say something like, "You think it must have been drugs that brought me to this."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific story in my favorite genre. It was a pleasure to read and review. I love your writing style, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
107
107
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Sum1 Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I have never been a fan of the sci-fi genre, but after reading a great story earlier this week by another author, and now this great story, I'm beginning to come around.

When I saw the length of the Prologue and Chapter One, I was going to read a little and come back later and read a little more, but I couldn't force myself to stop. I was immediately drawn in by the Prologue, wondering where Jon had been and what had happened to him. You did a great job of describing the characters and the scene, and I could easily picture what was taking place.

When I got to Chapter One, I was a little miffed that Jon had disappeared to be replaced by Mack and we had gone from the clinical environment to a farm, but Mack's tale was so interesting, I had to read on. Again, great descriptions of the characters and scenes. And you wrapped everything up nicely and answered my lingering questions at the end of Chapter One.

The story held my interest throughout and was anything but boring. I was anxious to read on, and I'm glad I did. I couldn't help but wonder why the aliens didn't appear to Mack before he involved the Sheriff and the Army to avoid the newsflash and the speculation...Maybe something to think about.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the last paragraph of the Prologue, there seems to be a pattern of "slowly...recounted". I suggest changing one "slowly" and one "recounted" to different words to avoid unnecessary repetition.

In Chapter One, the paragraph beginning, "Mack's worn features reflected...", there are too many instances of the word "this" in that paragraph. I suggest an edit to remedy this.

When Jean is introduced to the story, her brown curls hung loosely about her face (good description, by the way). Yet, a few paragraphs later, a yellow ribbon was holding her brown curls out of her face. I suggest editing to clarify how she was wearing her hair.

"...collect the debris and put it in the back of their truck."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: To summarize, I loved the Prologue and Chapter One and will be moving forward with the rest of the story soon. I must warn you that I'll be pushing you to complete the story after I have read the next chapter, because I don't want to be left hanging. Thank you for letting me know about this story. I really enjoyed the read.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
108
108
Review of WhataLand  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! I dropped by, because you mentioned this group in a review you sent me, so I had to check it out. This is terrific!! I added the site to favorites, and I'll be sure to mention it when I do newbie reviews. I'm sure we can all learn something from this, but I would have loved to have found a place like this when I first joined the site!
109
109
Review of imagination  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to review this piece to help celebrate your 1 year anniversary. I see you wrote it the day you became a member of the site and haven't had any reviews. I'm here to change that.

This is an interesting, thought provoking piece, but due to the numerous errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation, the piece doesn't have the intended effect. Despite the errors, I think you have some good ideas and legitimate questions. I especially like the way you differentiate between thought and imagination and explain to the reader how the two are so intertwined.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My first suggestion is to capitalize the title. This would make the writing seem more professional and would likely lead to more reviews. The word {c}benefits is spelled incorrectly in the description. Again, a lot of readers are put off by spelling errors in the description and will not bother to read the piece.

Throughout the piece, you didn't capitalize "I". I suggest doing so. At 1 point, you wrote "?" instead of writing the word "question". While I understand that you were likely in a hurry to get your thoughts on paper, after you do so, it is important to edit so your reader will see the best of your work.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is in interesting piece that would be so much better after a thorough edit. While I didn't list all of the suggested edits in this review, feel free to send me an email should you decide to edit this piece, and I would be glad to help. Thanks for sharing your work. I look forward to seeing more work in your port soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
110
110
Review of The Dance Of Dis  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Angus Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I read this poem in the tune of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. It worked for it. Anyway, I digress. I love your writing, but I'm not a big fan of poetry, mostly because it intimidates me. I must say, though, that I really enjoyed this one. The poem had the dark theme that is usually evident in your writing and, although it was relatively tame, it still left me with feeling of foreboding.

The poem flowed well, and the definition you placed at the end was especially helpful. I could easily imagine the scene as you described it.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the fifth verse, you used "a place" at the end of one line and the beginning of the next. Although it worked well for the rhythm of the poem, I would have liked to have seen more variety? I'm not sure that's the word I'm looking for, but I'm sure you get the idea. I suggest that you consider changing it to "They come once a year, from a place..." That would also explain how often it happens. The description mentions their one night of freedom, so maybe it's annually?

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: As always, it was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. I rarely review poetry, but I couldn't resist in this instance.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
111
111
Review of The Consequences  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I was intrigued by the title of this story, and I'm glad I checked it out! You told a complete, interesting story using few words, and I know from experience how difficult that can be. Good job!

The two scenes were perfect for the story. I was immediately drawn in by the plight of the narrator and quickly learned of the transgression that led him to the deserted room. Before I had a chance to recover from the shock of what happened, I was in the mortuary. The plot was interesting and held my attention.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: The story begins with the narrator repeating some things the masked figure had relayed to him. We soon find out the masked figure is his wife. So, my big question is why didn't he recognize his wife's voice when she told him these things?

In the sixth paragraph, beginning, "My wife is trying..." the quotation marks aren't needed. The narrator his having these thoughts, not speaking them to someone.

I also think the transition from the room to the mortuary could have happened more smoothly - maybe a few ~~~ in the center of the page before beginning that part of the story to indicate the transition.
*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this dark little story. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. If you haven't taken part in "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" Open in new Window., I think you should give it a try. These types of stories are exactly what they're looking for.

I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
112
112
Review of Smoke Screen  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece, because I know how difficult it can be to stop smoking, so I was anxious to read a flash fiction piece about the experience. I particularly enjoy flash fiction because of the difficulty of writing a meaningful story using 500 words or less. You did a great job here.

The title was interesting, and the story immediately captured my full attention. The interaction between the husband and wife was a good choice for the story, and it gave the reader adequate information about the two characters. I could easily relate to Bill's difficulty and need to sneak a cigarette every so often.

Janice's little bombshell about the security webcam was a great ending for the story. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First I would suggest taking advantage of the ability to list three genres for the story and add two other possibilities to attract more readers. I would suggest comedy and possibly relationship?

In the fifth paragraph, you forgot the closing quotation marks following Janice's question.

I suggest breaking down the sentence beginning, "The first couple of days..." into 2 separate sentences. As it is, it's extremely long and a bit of a run-on sentence. I believe the story would read more fluidly with that edit.

In such a short story, there were a lot of instances of he said/she said, he asked/she asked, he replied/she replied. I suggest doing an edit to avoid that redundancy. For example, rather than "Would you care to make that interesting? Janice asked with a grin," you could say Janice grinned at him slyly. "Would you care to make that interesting?"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a very good, humorous story that could be even better after a quick edit. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
113
113
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Angus Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: When I saw that you had written something new, I had to rush to read it. I'm glad I did! As you know, I love your writing style. Whether it's a horror story or a satirical piece, I'm never disappointed. Using less than 300 words, you created a complete story with a rather original plot and a great twist at the end. You used the 3 prompt words brilliantly!

You immediately set the scene, and I could easily picture the events taking place as I read. Even though you posted that it wasn't a horror story, I started to wonder. And then came the twist. I love writing and reading these types of stories, and this one ended perfectly. I even chuckled at the ending. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: You have already proven that you can write a spectacular story in any genre, so my first suggestion is keep it up!

In the second sentence, you wrote "...he could he hear..." The second "he" should be omitted. I know it's often hard to notice errors such as this when you edit your work, because you're reading it as you expect it to be.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: As always, it was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work. I wish you luck in the contest and can't wait to see more from you!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
114
114
Review of Black Ice  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Rory Mels Tims Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I found this little gem by clicking on the random review tool, and I'm glad I did! Although short, the story is complete and very interesting and well written. At first, I thought the narrator was with his teacher from school, but I learned differently rather quickly. I was immediately intrigued when I learned what was under the ice, and I was captivated throughout.

First person narration worked well for this piece, and even though I had been forewarned how the story would end, I was still somewhat surprised. I loved being surprised at the end of the story. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 500 words or less, but you made it seem effortless. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest putting a small description of the story in the space provided on the edit screen. That could lead to more readers. So could listing the genre of the story. I would suggest death and dark as genres.

First, I have a question: why did the acid only cause a stain on the shirt? I suggest that you reconsider this part, as it caused the knife to slightly disintegrate and destroyed your skin later in the story.

About halfway into the story you have written, "only the black endless and ice and white endless sky...". I believe the 'and' I have colored red should be omitted.

Near the end of the story, I believe "died purple-black" should be "dyed purple-black." In the next sentence I believe you mean "black tears instead of "back tears".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I really enjoyed this terrific story that could be even better after a quick edit. I see that you have only been on WDC for a short period of time. I'm excited to welcome a great new writer. I'm sure you'll love it here. If there's anything I can do to help you navigate the site or answer questions, please let me know. It was a pleasure reviewing your work, and I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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115
115
Review of Bad Valentine  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece, because the title drew me in. I wasn't in the mood for a sweet love story today, so this was right up my alley. I especially like the way you switched colors to differentiate between the speakers.

I'm sure many of us can relate to this piece...the ex that just won't go away. You captured that perfectly here. And the growing frustration of the speaker being pursued was spot-on. Even though the dialogue was short, it was to the point and adequate. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My suggestions are going to contradict, so bear with me. I would have been more likely to check out this piece if the description had given more of a hint as to its content. For example, "The Valentine that won't go away, written for the Dialogue 500..."

I noticed as I read that the responses written in red appeared to be messages on conversation hearts candy. If the reader didn't notice that, some of the responses would appear a bit unusual. So, alternatively, I would suggest making that clear in the description. "Conversation using quotes from conversation hearts, written for the..."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this easily relatable, humorous piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was an honor to review your work. I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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116
116
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, writerfromheart Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Normally, I shy away from reviewing poetry, but in this instance, I couldn't resist. As my father recently passed away, I could relate to this emotional poem all too well. You did a terrific job of characterizing your feelings, that deep hole in your heart, when missing your father during the holidays. Although short, the poem was packed with emotion. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: The way the poem was punctuated was a bit confusing for me. You used question marks but very few commas and no periods. I believe the poem would read more fluidly if you edited to add commas and periods or even semicolons in certain instances.

In the third verse, you are referring to more than one Christmas; I would suggest changing the word to Christmases.

In the last verse, I kept wanting to read the third line as "...happy in your arms" rather than "happy with your arms". I would suggest you think of making that change. Of course, that's just my opinion.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a very good poem that would be even better after a few quick revisions. It was easy for me to relate to and sympathize with you. I see from your port that you just joined in October, and you're already off to a fantastic start. If there's ever anything I can do to help you along, please don't hesitate to let me know.

I look forward to seeing much more of your writing!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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117
117
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, ! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: Wow! I am a big fan of super short stories (300 to 500 words), and I must say that this is one of the best ones I have read. I was immediately drawn in by your descriptive writing, and I remained captivated throughout. I especially like the way you essentially leave it to the reader to decided if this was a horrible dream or a living nightmare.

The Author's Notes at the end were an excellent addition. I commend you for turning something so tragic into something positive - showcasing your writing talent. Knowing the story was based on a true experience also added to the chilling/haunting nature of the piece. Excellent job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I saw the note that you had changed the story from past tense to present tense, and I agree that it makes it more immediate and emotionally engaging. I found myself on the edge of my seat as I read. In the second paragraph, I would suggest changing "squeezed" to "squeeze" to ensure that you remain in present tense.

In the paragraph beginning "I doze off...", the word "would" was a stumbling block for me. I read the sentence twice and, while I realize what you mean, I think the sentence would read more smoothly without that word. Of course, that's just my opinion, but I wanted to mention it.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional piece. Although I have seen you numerous times in scroll, I had no idea you were such a talented writer. I believe, like me, you are back on the site after an extended absence, and I'm glad you are!! I'm honored to review such a well-written story, and I can't wait to read more of your work!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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118
118
Review of The Land Of Ons  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Sum1 Author Icon! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I'm glad to see that you haven't lost that great writing style during my absence from the site. As I was reading, I kept thinking, ok, this is going to teach a valuable lesson. When I got to the end, I literally laughed out loud. I wasn't expecting that, but it was certainly a welcome surprise. I'm sure you know that I'm a big fan of the very short story (both reading and writing), and I absolutely loved this one!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: You probably already know what I'm going to say, but I'll say it anyway: Write more stories!! I always get a good laugh from your humorous pieces, and I especially like the way this one caught me unexpected. Share some more similar stories and continue to tickle our funny bones!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I can easily see how this little story was nominated for so many awards, and the Awardicon gracing it was well earned. Thank you for sharing; I thoroughly enjoyed the read!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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119
119
Review of Wake Up  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Oh, how I can relate to these ramblings. Even though I'm well past my teen years, I go through the same thing almost every morning. You did a great job of describing the random thoughts that enter one's mind between the snoozes. I actually laughed out loud as I read. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the paragraph following 6:45 a.m., I think you meant "that would be a dumb idea" instead of "that would be dumb idea."

A little later, you omitted the word 'see' from "When you see my face..."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this humorous little rant. I needed the laugh this morning. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who detests getting out of bed in the mornings. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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120
120
Review of House of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, ! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I noticed this story didn't have any reviews, so I had to stop by and remedy that. When I first saw the story's length, I thought there's no way it could be complete. I stand corrected. In an extremely short piece, you pulled me in and left me with a bit of mystery at the end that I appreciate in stories. I know how difficult it can be to pull that off in such a short story, but you did an excellent job!

At first I had difficulty relating the title to the story itself before realizing it signifies the impact the meeting with the woman had on the narrator. Then, not only did it make sense, but it also seemed perfect. Again, that can be extremely difficult with such a short story, but you got it spot-on!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest that you read through the story to spot grammatical errors and issues with past v. present tense. For instance, in the first sentence, "house I've build for myself" should be "house I've built for myself" as you're referring to the house you have already built, not one that you're in the process of building.

You begin the story in present tense, then begin talking about your meeting with "her", so you go to past tense. However, after a few sentences, even though you're still referring to the meeting, you switch back to present tense (she nods...she leaves).

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This is a good story that could be even better after a quick edit. In fact, although complete as-is, this is a story that you could easily expand. I'd love to know if there are more meetings with 'her' and how the relationship progresses. I'd also love to know why the narrator feels someone would be disgusted with him.

Thank you for sharing this little gem. I thoroughly enjoyed the read!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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121
121
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, ! I'm OOT™ Author Icon and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

My Thoughts: I found this piece by clicking on the random review tool, and I'm glad I did. I commend you for writing this thought provoking piece. With our busy lives and everyday struggles, we, as a society, often overlook the plight of many children.

I was not aware of the days dedicated to celebrating children, but I'm sure you will agree with the question this brought to mind: what about the other 363 days per year? After all, society wouldn't exist without these children who, hopefully, grow up to be successful adults.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: This would be a terrific piece to expand upon, delving deeper into the struggles children face today and ideas as to what we could do to remedy some of these struggles. Also, not only do the diseases and malnourishment destroy children, but also the abusive and/or drug addicted parents. It's truly tragic.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I'm glad I came across this informative piece. While I enjoy a good funny story or mystery, children's voices need to be heard, and pieces such as yours help to spread that message. Thank you for sharing this. It was an honor to read and review.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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122
122
Review of The Dungeon  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Wow! I can understand how being forced to shower in such a scary, dreary place would be traumatic to a child! You did a terrific job of describing the place, so much so that I could picture it as I read the story. I especially liked you referred to the shower's "gaping jaws" and the pipes screaming at you. Good job!

As I read, I kept wondering why you would choose to use that particular shower. Apparently, you had younger siblings, but it seems that you were the only one that was forced to use the shower in the basement. I also wondered why you wouldn't wait until you reached the shower to get undressed. After all, even though the linen closet was near your bedroom, you could have gotten your towel and waited until you reached the shower to undress. Those were just some questions I had as I read the story.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest that you make it clearer to the reader as to why you were forced to use that particular shower and why you couldn't wait until you reached the shower to undress. These were sticking points with me and detracted from my overall enjoyment of the story.

It was also a sticking point for me the way you would sometimes switch from "me" to "you". For example, in the second paragraph, I believe it would be best to say "smell lunged at me" instead of "smell lunged at you," because the story is about your experiences, and it seemed to interrupt the flow of the story for me.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I hope you are not offended by my suggestions; I think you have a great story that could be even better after a bit of editing. I enjoyed the read, and I look forward to checking out more of your work.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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123
123
Review of Greeting the Ex-  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Schnujo NEEDS to do homework Author Icon, I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to drop by your port since you are quickly becoming a good friend, and I'm glad I did! You have a lot of terrific writing! I chose this piece for many reasons. I am a huge fan of flash fiction, the title caught my eye and the genre was right up my alley.

I wasn't disappointed. With 100 words, you managed to tell a complete story...one that actually gave me goosebumps. With your descriptive writing, I could easily imagine the scene and feel the tension. Great job!

My Suggestions: In the third sentence, you have "if I he couldn't". The would "I" needs to be omitted. I have done this many times, and it's so easy to overlook when editing your own work. You don't expect it to be there, so you read it as if it wasn't.

A couple of sentences later, "I set me peas down..." I would suggest changing "me" to "my". Sometimes, I have difficulty reviewing work of authors from other countries because of the subtle differences in the languages, so if that is the case here, I apologize.

Overall: I'm glad I stopped by your port and read this little gem. I'm very impressed and will most definitely be dropping by again!

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124
124
Review of Sweet Revenge  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this little gem because I love flash fiction, and the title caught my eye. I wasn't disappointed. I know from experience how difficult it can be writing a meaningful story in 300 words or less, especially with prompts (I noticed the 3 words that were bold), but you have done a terrific job here.

You captured my attention from the beginning, because I immediately wondered how Marge would get her revenge on the apparently shallow Ken. I didn't have long to wait, and I wasn't disappointed! You incorporated the prompts flawlessly and came up with a rather original, humorous piece.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the third paragraph, Marge sat back down. Prior to that, however, she was sitting at the bar and had only thought about leaving. I suggest that you clarify this by either mentioning that she stood up to leave or by omitting that she sat back down.

I would also suggest that you give the reader more information about David Wellington, by introducing him to the story as the author, David Wellington. Admittedly, while I realized he must be famous, I didn't immediately know who he was. *Blush*

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. It was an honor to review your work, and I look forward to seeing more!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


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125
125
Review of Compost  Open in new Window.
Review by OOT™ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ Author Icon, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

*Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb*


My Thoughts: I decided to read this story because of its clever title, and I was also intrigued by the description. I'm glad I did! I really enjoyed this piece. I'm a big fan of this genre, and you did it justice with this story. The idea was somewhat original, and although the story was relatively short, it was complete and interesting. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a coherent story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here. Good job!

When I noticed that you had started the story in present tense, I was uncertain whether or not it would work, but it did! And you did a terrific job of staying in present tense throughout the story, something many other authors have trouble with. I didn't understand why the blank footnote was at the end of the story, but, other than that, I enjoyed every word!

*Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr*


My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, the comma after "face" should be omitted. I would put a question mark with the exclamation point at the end of that paragraph. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, "mans" should be "man's" to show possession. Also, I would insert the word "and" after the comma in the first sentence; otherwise, you have a run-on sentence, because you have two complete sentences, separated by only a comma. You have several run-on sentences in the quote in that paragraph. I know that Warren was probably rambling on, but there should be some type of punctuation.

In the first sentence of the fifth paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "him". In the last sentence of that paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "smirks". In the next paragraph, I would change, "Warrens face-hardens and he sneers leaning into her," to "Warren's face hardens, and he sneers as he leans into her,"

I think you have too much going on in this sentence, "Warren is stone, his eyes are closed, her legs kick out at him and her hands grasp at his- she flails outward violently." I think you should separate this into at least two sentences. A few paragraphs later, since you're continuing a quote, the word "where" shouldn't be capitalized when you're talking about dogwood trees. In the first sentence of the next paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "time". In the last sentence of that paragraph, "scraps" should be "scrapes". A comma should be inserted after "position" in the first sentence of the next paragraph. There should be a comma between "Sobbing" and "Warren" in that paragraph, and "guys life" should be "guy's life". In the last paragraph, first sentence, a comma should be inserted after "spring". In the last sentence, a comma should be inserted after "come".

*Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng* *Peng*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I really enjoyed the read, and I can already tell you're going to be an excellent addition to the WDC community. I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

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