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151
151
Review of The Wrong Man  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title of Work: : The Wrong Man (Non-fiction, Relationship)
Author of Work: : MzSnowleopard
Date: : July 19

Plot:
Woman plots to move back in with her parents, away from her husband.

Scene/Setting:
The author is married to a man, Bill, who is selfish to an extreme. He spends money on things when she needs it for just running the household. He doesn't care that there are things his wife needs. He blames two tours in Vietnam for putting him on Social Security. He doesn't see that there is a problem. I would be willing to bet he sees the wife as nagging.

Characters:
Bill
Bryan
Author

Suggestions:
You wrote this as non-fiction. First I am so sorry you had to live through this. I was married to a man for thirty years who was only in Vietnam for one tour. I didn't know him when he went in, but from what I was about to find out when he was alive, he was a different person when he got out. I got him in touch with a Veterans group which specialized in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and it helped. My husband was into drugs, but even with all the problems (and yes he would spend money on what "he" thought was important and I would have to scrounge to pay for the bills and take care of the kids) I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he loved me.

That war and the ones going on now are doing a real head job on the young men and women who go to protect us. I know it was lethargic to write this piece. I hope you have found happiness, I really do.

Character Count: 1,270 character count (tags = 173 Characters above this point)
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152
152
Review of Oak  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Title of Work: : Oak (Short Story/nature)
Author of Work: : John Nation
Date: : July 19

Plot:
A short tale about nature

Scene/Setting:
This tale tells about the birth of an Oak tree. It talks about how it finally breaks through the ground and how it's wall, the pod, break away and it can feel the warmth of the sun. The seedling tells us about seeing it's mother but not knowing which of the tall trees she is. It tells how it sees stars for the first time. It tells about its first experience with a lightning and thunderstorm. How it fears it, how it is almost washed away by the rain and water running around it. Another Oak falls and shields the seedling just in time. The seedling can not stay away any longer, so it sleeps.

When it wakes everything is green again. It tells how the cycle of sleep and being awake eventually allow it to grow. It feels alive with the families of animals which us it for homes. The now Mighty Oak, tells us how proud it feels being part of the forest like it cousins and children (other seedlings just beginning.)

Characters:
Oak Tree

Suggestions:
I really enjoyed this piece. You did an excellent job of using personification to tell us how the tree would be feeling. I have seen this done before of course in cartoons and other stories. I don't think I have ever read about how a tree would feel being born, and discovering the world.

Character Count: 1,217 (tags = 173 Characters above this point)
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153
153
Review of My New Business  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title of Work: : My New Business (Other, Comedy)
Author of Work: : John Nation
Date: : July 19

Plot:
(author's statement)I've gone into business twice before and things did not work out. Got it right this time!

Scene/Setting:
A man decides to start a business. All of his college friends have one and most of them are doing great with their chosen business'. The first try is a Steak House. Business plan sound strong; no competition anywhere around, prime cuts of beaf seasoned and cooked to perfection. The doors are opened for business and the croud throws stones and burnes an effigy of the owner. Business location is New Delhi. Well that wasn't so smart.

Author does not give up. His second try is a shoe store. Again the business plan is sound; well made shoes at low prices. When he opens the doors no one comes in. He looks out and can't understand. Everyone outside is barefoot so they need shoes. Eventually he has to leave because he needs to eat. Business location is The Shrine.

The Author decides to stay in the United States of America and open a trusted franchise. Business plan in place he waits for the opening day. He invites all of his readers to the Grand opening of the newest Starbucks at Brigham University.

Characters:
Author

Suggestions:
I am laughing so hard at the moment, I am having trouble typing. You are defiantly a nut after my own heart. This piece is beyond funny and you have an excellent punch line to it. Congradulations!

Character Count: (tags = 173 Characters above this point)
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154
154
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Title of Work: : Trespassing on Paradise Island Part Two (fanfiction)
Author of Work: : KingSideCastle
Date: : July 17

Plot:
Superman finds himself at the mercy of Wonder Woman's feet.

Scene/Setting:
Superman is taken to Wonder Woman's chambers and held there on his knees for her to come. It is explained he cannot break out of the chains because they were forged by Hephaestus. After a few minutes Wonder Woman comes in and talks to Clark. Clark thinks she is going to let him go, but she cannot because her island and the people on it could be destroyed by a greater power. Dianna cannot take that chance. She tells Superman he is about to be reduced to an Amazon slave who will take orders from any woman. He doesn't believe it. Diana makes a deal with him. If he can make it out the door, then she will not punish him and take her chances with everything else which could happen. She knows she can win.

Clark starts toward the door. As he reaches it, Diana removes her boots and wiggles her toes. Apparently Clark Kent has a foot fetish and cannot take his eyes off of Diana's feet. Eventually his knees buckle and he is lost to the punishment.

Characters:
Clark Kent - Superman
Diana - Wonder Woman

Suggestions:
Correct spelling = Trespassing (You have an extra "s" in the title word). Nice continuation of the story. As I said before, I think it is really great to see someone take established characters and place them in situations, we would never see them in under "normal" circumstances. Cannot wait for Chapter three. Please let me know when you post.

Character Count: 1,380 (tags = 173 Characters above this point)
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155
155
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title of Work: : The Church of Light falls... (Genre: Fiction/Sci-fi)
Author of Work: : ShadowHawke
Date: : July 16

Plot:
A group of beings fights a battle on the surface of a planet.

Scene/Setting:
Beings are dropped onto the surface of a planet where they start to take out the inhabitants. The town is the first one to be destroyed. The attackers advance on the main outpost and kill two of the high ranking officials of the other side. The battle is short, as it seems, most battles are according to Captain Horis. When they think they have won, a Mark-X (?) battle machine immerges and a new battle starts.

Characters:
Captain Jeremy Horis

Suggestions:
"A nearby farmer witness witnessed the impacts, he would be considered a casualty of this war." Also, you have the team still descending, but what happens to the farmer is clear. Are there also special screens which show this much detail outside the capsules?

" ... Information began to pour into the display unit as he looked around, surveying the landing or impact spot." How is he seeing this? Is he wearing special goggles? Does he have a small screen in his hand? Up to this point we could tell he had screens in front of him, but he is now on the ground.

I had no problem keeping up with what was going on in the scene. I was a bit confused about the "six machines". It is unclear on if they are actually six small floating machines around the Captain. Also, somehow you need to specify what the initials you are using mean? I may have just missed this in the reading. The rule of thumb is never use initials for something, until you have at least explained it once before hand (example. Point Of View = POV).

You do not specify if this is a Chapter or an opening idea. There is a lot of potential here.

Character Count: 1,558 (tags = 222 Characters)
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156
156
Review of Aabka (revision)  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title of Work: : Aabka (revision (Genre: Fiction/Fantasy)
Author of Work: : ShadowHawke
Date: : July 16

Plot:
Three people enter a dark chamber where an Ogre is being kept captive.

Scene/Setting:
Three people, a rogue, a man in armour and a woman in armor enter a large dungeon type area. In the room is an Ogre who is damaged and wounded. The man in armour is the first to try and kill the Ogre, but he fails. This is where we find out the Ogre is a vampire being. The Rogue is the next to try and he is also killed. The woman tries to get away but the Ogre knocks her down, forcing the air out of her lungs. The Ogre feeds on the two he has already killed, but eventually focuses on the female. As he walks toward her a new hunger takes over his body.

Characters:
Orge
Three people:
Darin - The Rogue
A man in Chain Mail Armour
Kara - A woman in Chair Mail Armour
Suggestions:
There was a slight confusing problem when you did the Point of View change from the trio to the Ogre, in several different places. Possible questions to be answered either prior to this scene or in further chapters. How did the Ogre get there in the first place? Where the three people there because they wanted to be or were they captives? I see the possibility that beings are being sent in by other beings to try and kill the Ogre, like either a contest or because the Ogre must be destroyed and so far no one has been able to do it.

You did an excellent job in describing the scene. I had no problem picturing the location.

Character Count: 1,314 (tags = 222 Characters)
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157
157
Review of FIRST DIVE  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title of Work: : First Dive
Author of Work: : Geoffrey Robson
Date: : July 15

Plot:
Monologue about a twelve year old boy jumps in the water at the end of a jetty in South Florida

Scene/Setting:
A twelve year old boy goes the end of a jetty in South Florida with his brother. The brother has brought along a aqualung, a regulator and two five pound weights for him. He puts the equipment on, with the weights in his back pocket, and his brother tells him to jump in, which he does, no questions asked. When he finally remembers to take a breathe he is enthralled with the world around him. He sees eels and fish. He finds a lot of Florida lobster (the year is 1960 so there was still an abundance of sea life around the Southern coast of Florida). Thinking it would be good to have some kind of suvenier he breaks the tail off the lobster and lets the head float away. At first it is just interesting to watch the other members of the sea life nibble away at the head and even the tail he held in his hand. When a Barracuda decides to get into the feeding frenzy, the author drops the tail he is holding and moves away. He did not want to become part of the snack.

Swimming back to the surface, he immediately wants to find out where to get the aqualung refilled so he can do it again.

Characters:
Geoffrey - author
Geoffrey's brother
A lot of fish

Suggestions:
I am from South Florida and I could relate to this story. You did a great job of showing how a twelve year old boy would feel in this situation. I wonder what his next adventure would be. I would be willing to bet you are a diver even to this day.

Character Count: 1,394 (tags = 222 Characters)
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158
158
Review of DEAR DIARY  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Title of Work: : Dear Diary
Author of Work: : Geoffrey Robson
Date: : July 15, 2016

Plot:
Man moves from California to somewhere in the Midwest. He finds a diary in the atick of his new house he is renting.

Scene/Setting:
A man moves from Los Angeles, California to somewhere in the Midwest corn belt. H has given up a job as the manager of a car dealership to work at a connivance store. He drinks several beers and then goes to bed. Sometime later he is woken up by a large banging noise coming from the attic. When he investigates he finds the banging to be a window shutter which is being blown by gusts of wind. He discovers a small closet, at first thinking it is empty. A small diary wrapped in pick flower cloth catches his eye. He removes it and starts to read. It is the diary of a girl, starting when she was about ten years old, then there is a picture of her when she is about twelve years old, the next is at age about fifteen. He likes the little girl. He begins to hope she has gotten out of live what she wanted. The last picture is of a girl in her prom dress.

All of a sudden he jumps out the attic window, hits a tree and is killed. When we listen to the Coroner and the Sheriff talking we learn the girl, came home from the prom and found her parents dead from carbon monoxide poisoning. She eventually moved to California. We also find out that Chris Robinson, is the prime suspect in California of the murder of his wife, Johanna Laurent, the girl who used to live in the house and who is pictured in the diary.

Characters:
Tom Ryan (Chris Robinson) - authors main character
Coroner
Sheriff


Suggestions:
This was really a neat twist. I usually not much into Gothic but I liked this piece. This would make a good ending to a "love" story about Chris and Johanna. Have you done anything else with it? I know you have sort of worked on the old adage, "What goes around comes around." The whole story was very well done and had just the right amount of build up to the end.

Character Count: 1,707 (tags = 222 Characters)
{image:2039491


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159
159
Review of A Wise Father  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title of Work: : A Wise Father
Author of Work: :Lady Lotsa Quills-H of Stark
Date: : July 15th

Plot:
Two boys are signing up to play Little League Baseball.

Scene/Setting:
Starts in a class room, where Greg comes in and instructs the boys how to line up, in order to make the sign up process go quicker. The boys are divided by age. Greg has the older boys. One boy, a new one to the area, steps up and gives Greg his paperwork. The boy says he and his brother have played before. Greg asks where the brother is and the next boy steps forward. When he looks at the paperwork he notices the boys were born six months apart. Thinking one of the boys may have made an error he questions them about it. He is told one of them is adopted, but they have no idea which one of them was adopted. It seems the boy's parents never told the boy's which one of them was born into the family and which of them was chosen to join the family.

Characters:
Greg - Head of Little League Baseball
Roger Meyer - boy trying out
Tom Meyer - Roger's brother who is also tying out.

Suggestions:
This was a really nice story. It wrapped right around my heart in a warm hug. I think it is really inspirational to explain how the father not telling the boys which one of them was adopted, would make the boys truly part of the family. It was a nice ending having Greg call his father. I wonder if the boy's would ever search out the knowledge. Personally I do not think so. Write on!

Character Count: 1,271 (tags = 222 Characters)
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160
160
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title of Work: : I Called the Plumber
Author of Work: : intuitiveWhiteWalers
Date: : July 15

Plot:
There is a leak in a pipe in the basement. The wife calls the plumber without asking her husband first if she should.

Scene/Setting:
The wife has noticed a leak in the basement of their house. She calls the plumber. She informs her husband she has called, and of course he says he doesn't need a plumber. This is the first place I started to just shake my head. The husband goes into the basement and proceeds to try and fix the leak. The wife waits a bit, not wanting to bother him, or knowing this is a mistake, and looks down the steps. The water is deeper. She shuts the door and continues to wait for the plumber to come. She looks again. The water is now deeper. Soon the plumber arrives and sends the plumber to the basement. The husband still is adiment he doesn't need a plumber, but agrees since the plumber has arrived he may as well come down and see what he can do.

Characters:
Husband
Wife
Plumber

Suggestions:

Humm.... first shouldn't the water have been turned off. I live in the country and there is a valve on the pump to turn off all the water to the house. I realize the the steadily growing lake in the basement is what makes the story, but.... I got a very large chuckle out of this short story. There is no problem figureing out what the scene looks like. I love your lines... ""No need to thank me!" And as if a baby were soundly sleeping, I softly close the basement door." Perfect touch.

Character Count: 1,332 (tags = 222 Characters)
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161
161
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Title of Work: : It's Great To Gain (Genre: Interactive Story)
Author of Work: : Theday
Date: : July 13th

Plot:
This is an interactive story containing 7462 chapters with multiple endings.

Scene/Setting:
Each chapter tells part of the story and (usually) ends with multiple choices. Click on a choice and you'll be lead to the next chapter in your story. When you reach a chapter that hasn't been written yet, you are allowed to write the chapter. The story starts out with the main character being seventeen years old. He is the black sheep of the family because he is tall and skinny. The rest of the family is overweight. The boy wonders what it would be like to gain weight and not be odd man out. He goes to the Mall and finds a store which could possibly help him with his quest to answer his question.

Characters:
Multi-characters depending on how the story is progressing.

Suggestions:
According to the main page, as of July 12, 2016 this story has been going on for over ten years. I have saved it to my favorites, hoping to be able to come back to it and maybe get involved. It must have taken a lot of work to even get this started. As I stated in the Glosery section, I help co-author a fan fiction site, where it is constantly being added to. On our site you come up with a character and then start adding to stories others may have started. Or you can add your own story within certain guide lines. I will come back to this. Write on!

Character Count: 1,276 (tags = 222 Characters)
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162
162
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Title of Work: : It's Great To Gain Glossary
Author of Work: : Theday
Date: : July 13th

Plot:
A guide of the characters and places in the interactive "It's Great To Gain" interactive story

Scene/Setting:
This is a glossary of the possible characters of the "It's Great To Gain" interactive story the author is trying to put together. There are a list of possible characters, where each person wanting to help, inserts their name so they will know which character they are playing. There is a list of places where the characters might interact. There is also a list of important items which could help the story gain momentum. There is also a list of Stats giving "number of 'dead end' chapters", "Average reviews per month", and a "Special 8 year anniversary Trivia game".

Characters:
As many people who want to sign in and play the game of starting and continuing the story.

Suggestions:
This is a very inventive idea and must have taken a lot of work to put together. I am intrigued enough to go and see how the story is progressing. I would love to know how this whole thing came about. Do you add things or people to the list as the story progresses. I work on a fan fiction interactive site and we have a "Wiki" section that we are almost constantly adding to. We add things people bring up in the story which might need an explanations. We have made it so you have to get permission to add some items.


Character Count: 1,248 (tags = 222 Characters)
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163
163
Review of Assignment 1  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title of Work: : Assignment 1 for Finding Inspiration Class (Genres: Other)
Author of Work: : Tension
Date: : July 13

Plot:
Two prompts are given and one needed to be chosen that could possibly be written about.

Scene/Setting:
Tension chose the first prompt which has a business on a street. The business is boarded up and a sign says "new Business coming soon". The main question to be answered is what is the business. Tension decides it is a business which allows you to revisit with people who have died. In order to take advantage of the business you cannot tell anyone what happens there and you have to do anything which the owners of the business tell you to do. Apparently the business is open to only a select few who enter by the back door.

Characters:
Writer
Next Door neigbor

Suggestions:
I like your idea. Have you done anything with it? There are many different directions you could go? When your story teller enters who does he visit with? What are the consequences of the visit, what does he have to do? What happens if he tells someone? The community thinks it's an eyesore, so the possibility exists the City government is going to get involved, maybe wanting to take it down, that is until the Mayor visits the place. If you had enough of the important people in town visiting the place, the "owners" of the business could take control of the town.... Ok, I will stop ranting now. I would be interested reading whatever else you have done with the story. Write on!


Character Count: 1,315 (tags = 222 Characters)
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164
164
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Title of Work: : The True Story of the Three Little Pigs (Short Story, Contest)
Author of Work: : Tension
Date: : July 13

Plot:
The author says the three little pigs were actually girls and tells the story substiuting other things for the straw, sticks and bricks.

Scene/Setting:
Instead of three little pigs, we have three girls who were raised by an abusive mother. When the mother got tired of taking care of them she told them to leave and go find their own way in the world anyway they could. First girl got mixed up in drugs. The drugs were the straw and the drug dealer was the wolf.

The second girl got taken to a motel by a man and was raped by him and his friends. The penises were the sticks and the man who raped her was the wolf. Turns out the man who raped her was her real father.

Third girl, couldn't work because she was only nice years old, so she tried to go home. Her mother was being arrested. She was told her sisters had been murdered. Social Services took her to her father. Author points out that maybe she had a different father than the other too. I relate this type of spin as being like throwing a ball (the prompt) against an uneven wall (the brain), knowing you are going to go off in a direction which is not straight ahead. Hope this makes sense. Write on!

Characters:
Mother
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girl 3
Father
Other men
Social Services

Suggestions:
This story is just plain weird. Was it just sort of the spare of the moment type of thing? You just make it with a surprise ending. I'm not saying I didn't like the story. It is very imaginative, to say the least.


Character Count: 1,448 (tags = 222 Characters)
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165
165
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Title of Work: : The Greater Grater
Author of Work: : Matt Bird - House Targaryen
Date: : July 12 (Anniversary review)

Plot:
Mark finds himself on a quest for the Ultimate Cheese Grater!


Scene/Setting:
Mark has promised his wife he is going to get her a new cheese grater, a much better one then the one she owns the Ultimate Cheese Grater. He is not going to return home until he has it. He has been searching for five days, so far with no results which would qualify as better. Mark meets a black man, Kaas, who tells him he knows where the ultimate cheese grater is, but it is guarded by ferocious beasts. Mark, of course doesn't believe him, but faints before he can argue. When he comes too he is on the side of a mountain. Mark hears a loud roar and runs down the mountain, to be stopped by a dragon. He turns and runs back up the mountain, again to be stopped by a dragon. Kaas, helps by creating a wind with his cane, one dragon flew away, but came back. Mark used his phone to take a picture. The flash killed the dragons.

They go up the mountain and run into three witches. The vanquish the witches, and run into a cheesy skunk. Mark eventually makes it back home with the Ultimate Cheese Grater, and finds his wife had found her old grater

Characters:
Mark Smith - Husband
Alison - Wife
Kaas - black man who is going to help Mark find the greater grater

Suggestions:
Hum.... I really do not have any suggestions for this piece. It is just too.... toooo.... well just "too" is all I can say. It is cute and I am glad I got a chance to read it, I think. Write on.


Character Count: 1,367 (tags = 222 Characters)
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166
166
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title of Work: :We Haul, U-Haul -- Don't Fall!
Author of Work: : WW*White Walkers Rise!
Date: : July 12th (Anniversary review)

Plot:
Calamity moving from Houston, Texas to A small Wyoming town--in January!

Scene/Setting:
A family is moving to Wyoming. They arrive when it is very cold and stay in a motel for a day. Eventually they need to transfer all their belongings to a Condo, on the side of a mountain. They take the truck and have to go back to the motel to get the U-haul. The husband leaves his wife and kids at the condo and goes down the mountain to retrieve the truck. There is no way he is going to be able to get the U-haul up the steep road. The cook, his brother, the police chief and the Fire Marshall end up helping. It is finally decided to take a longer, less steep route back to the Condo.

The husband had said he would be back in an hour. Seven hours later the wife finally sees all the vehicles coming up the mountain. She has been sampling vodka while waiting the seven hours for her husband to return, so she is a tad bit tipsy. This is the first experience the town has with this family

Characters:
Wife
Husband
Cook
Fire Chief
Chief of Police

Suggestions:
This was very entertaining. I know about sitting waiting for someone to get home and imaging the worst case scenario, only to have the other party wonder why you were so worried. I am truly glad everything worked out for you. At least you made friends fast in your new town.

Character Count: 1,282 (tags = 222 Characters
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167
167
Review of Locked Doors  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Title of Work: : Locked Doors (Short Story, Ghost)
Author of Work: : SueVN
Date: : July 12th

Plot:
Two girls enter a deserted house and have to escape.

Scene/Setting:
Two girls have accepted a dare to enter what is supposed to be a haunted house. As they enter, the front door slams shut and will not open. All the windows on the bottom floor are boarded up, so Stacy goes upstairs to see if she can find a way out. When she gets to the first room the door slams shut in her face. Kate who is down stairs screams her name. Before going back down stairs Stacy enters another room and finds a window which is nailed shut. She goes back down stairs and drags Kate up to the room with the shut window. As they enter the room the door slams shut on them. Kate decides to lock it because they hear the stair creaking as if someone is coming up them. There is no lock on the door. Stacy finds an old paint can and throws it threw the window. The girls climb out and climb down a nearby tree. When they are hiding, and old lady tells them they should stay away from the old house because the man who used to live there killed his sons.

Characters:
Stacy
Kate
Old woman

Suggestions:
Interesting story. It has all the elements of a horror/ghost story. You have two helpless (clueless) young girls, a supposedly haunted house, doors slamming shut and locking with no one around, seemingly no immediate way out, creaking stairs, and tension. You used the few words you had to work with, in a great way.


Character Count: 1,307 (tags = 222 Characters)
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168
168
Review of Maggie  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title of Work: : Maggie aPatheticBoy (erotica, romance/Love, Other)
Author of Work: : aPatheticBoy
Date: : July 12

Plot:
Student is masturbating on the floor of teachers office, while teacher grades papers

Scene/Setting:
We have a student, (according to the introduction to the piece, the student is at least eighteen years of age) who is sitting on the floor of a teachers office, pleasureing himself, while the teacher grades papers at her desk. He has been coming to the office for over a month and doing the same thing. The door is locked and a record player is playing. The boy asks the teacher her name, and I am taking it for granted he wants to know the teachers first name, because she is grading one of his papers, which means he is taking her class.

Characters:
Mrs. Lynch - Teacher
Kid - student

Suggestions:
This is put on site as a Nonfiction Fantasy story. Not sure how to take thin. Non-fiction means it really happened; Fantasy means it didn't happen; story means you're telling everyone. So you either had a dream about this happening or you actually sat down and thought about it happening. Hum ... Interesting. This could actually be broadened into a story about the teacher and her kinks. It could also be memories of a couple about how their relationship started.

About the student asking the teachers name. Since he is taking her class wouldn't he know what her first name is. Most paperwork students get as introductory material for classes, list the complete name of the instructor.

I got interesting visuals from this.... Hope you plan on following through, (pun intended) with a longer story.

Character Count: 1,438 (tags = 222 Characters)
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169
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Title of Work: : Testimony of Horsemanship
Author of Work: : SB Musing about GOT
Date: : July 12th

Plot:
A young girl is attempting to jump over a fence with her horse.

Scene/Setting:
Anna has made multiple tries at jumping the four foot fence in the ring. She is determined to get it right. Her instructor is there and tells her to try again. Anna questions him about the height of the gate, asking if maybe he could lower it just a few inches, but he refuses. The canter around and get ready for another try. Anna knows she needs to help the horse to get over the gate. They need to work perfectly together to accomplish the feat. When they start off the horse decides he doesn't want to follow Anna's instructions, which she gives by her pull on the reigns. She continues to talk to the horse and eventually they get into a comfortable position. They are together in their movements and even in their breathing. The jump comes up. Anna counts down the strides then relaxes the reigns and holds on. They sail over the jump without knocking the top railing to the ground.

Characters:
Anna - Horse Rider
Starfire - horse
Instructor

Suggestions:
I could watch horses being worked all day. It is interesting to have everything from the riders point of view. We see what looks like flawless horsemanship, as horses appear to easily jump and run around the courses. It never occurred to me the rider would have an internal dialogue going and literally have to count and know when to let go of the reigns. I laughingly thought, all the rider had to do was aim the horse, hold on and the horse would know exactly when to jump. I enjoyed reading this piece.


Character Count: 1,447 (tags = 222 Characters)
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170
170
Review of Paakhi  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Title of Work: : Paakhi
Author of Work: :sindbad - We Got This!
Date: : July 12

Plot:
Lamenting over a puppy gone to a new home.

Scene/Setting:
The author is lamenting over a puppy he had been either taking care of or raising, going to a new home. We are not told why the puppy had to go to a new home. He tells how Paakhi was constantly underfoot. He tells how Paakhi wouldn't leave him alone for even a moment, but how he really didn't mind. When it was happening he gives us hints he might have been a bit perturbed Paakhi was always under foot.

Now that Paakhi is gone, he is having a very hard time just getting through the days without the puppy. He knows she is in a good new home. She loves the people she is now staying with. We can take it for granted by the authors description he has visited the Paakhi in her new home and seen how she is getting along with the new family.

Characters:
Paakhi - puppy
I - Owner of puppy

Suggestions:
This was a really cute description of missing a dog. You have a word count so I am thinking you did it for one of the many writing prompts on the site. I can definitely see the puppy, being a bother, but a loveable bother. Made me think of a few puppies we have had over the years. A few we have had to find new homes for, because of moving or new family circumstances. This is a very unusual name. Is this a puppy you had? Does the name mean anything special?


Character Count: 1,225 (tags = 222 Characters)
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171
171
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Title of Work: : The Field General Returns (Prose-Comedy)
Author of Work: : John
Date: : July 10th

Plot:
A character from a book takes the author of the book captive.

Scene/Setting:
T. Author is sleeping in his bed when he woken by a night stick being slammed against the bottom of his foot. A bright light is being shown in his face so he can't tell who is talking to him in the dark room. He tries to ask but is told he is not allowed to ask questions on the enity is allowed to talk. A book is thrown at him, which he catches. Eventually he realizes the person talking to him is one of the characters in the book he holds. A character which has suffered great hardship during the story only to die in the end. The Field Marshal has come to get T. Author to take him into the book and show him what he has put all the characters in the book through. He is shackled and walking into the sunset when this part of the story ends.

Characters:
T. Author - who has written a war novel
Field General - one of the characters in the war novel
Army men - Field General's troops.

Suggestions:
Interesting story. When I read I tend to put myself into the story as either one of the characters or as an interested party watching from the sidelines. When I write I also tend to become the heroine of the story. A lot of me is in how the heroine feels and reacts. Sometimes it is how I wish I would react to a stimulus. Having the character actually come to life and take charge would be scary, but very interesting. I am sure I would not survive some of my own stories.

You do need to go in and down at the bottom of where you entered the story, you need to go the Advanced settings and designate for the computer to maintain the spacing you originally used. The story was a little difficult to read.


Character Count: 1,538 (tags = 222 Characters)
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172
172
Review of Carolina's Curls  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title of Work: : Carolina's Curls (Children's)
Author of Work: : Maggie
Date: : July 10

Plot:
Carolina loose her hair because of cancer treatments.

Scene/Setting:
Carolina's hair has fallen out because of her cancer treatments. The little girl has not lost her imagination though. She fashions a very colorful hat to wear to school. It is made out of felt, feathers and plastic gems. When she gets to school the other children ask her where her curls are and she explains she would much rather wear a hat. The Art teacher decides this would be a fantastic class projects so she takes all the children to the classroom. Each child spends the whole class designing a special hat for themselves. When they are all done they have a colorful parade down the halls and out to the play ground.

Characters:
Carolina
Art Teacher
Other Children

Suggestions:
This piece was very sweet. I could picture Carolina being a fisty little girl who never gave up. I love the way you pull the teacher and even the whole class into the piece. So many of these stories seem heart breaking. While I feel sad for the child, I also had a sense of wonder at her inactive to make life better no matter what.

It is a great stand a long piece. I see it as a possible children's book with pictures. Maybe at the first, second or even third grade level. Kindergarten might work also. It could also be expanded into a short story, where we go with Carolina to chemo treatments and maybe she sees how sad the other children and adults are so she comes up with the idea of the hats. Maybe the school children could take their hats and give them to cancer patients in the hospital. There are several possibilities here. If you expand it I would love to read it, please.


Character Count: 1,516 (tags = 222 Characters)
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173
173
Review of Water Games  
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Title of Work: : Water Games (Children's)
Author of Work: : GrandmaVicky
Date: : July 10

Plot:
Three children shoot a water balloon at an old lady next door.

Scene/Setting:
There twelve year old children are standing in Ricky's yard loading a homemade, very large sling shot with a water balloon. Their target is the older lady next door. She has been complaining about how the children have been causing problems around the neighborhood to their parents. The children have decided it is time to get back at her. They carefully load the homemade mega-sling shot with a very full balloon and take careful aim. Pulling back they let it fly. It doesn't hit the lady directly, but lands close enough to her to get her wet. She turns toward them and shoots them with a high-powered water wand. They, of course, run away.

Characters:
Ricky
Denny
Kayla

Suggestions:
Oh, I am laughing so hard. This piece is hilarious. I think I would have Lady Bones, doubling over with laughter at the end of the piece. It was a very good surprise ending, one which, being sixty-five years old myself, I gave an actual fist pump to.

I see this as a possible beginning to a short story. Maybe the children are made to apologize and they get to know the lady next door. We might even learn she has a rebellious streak in her, and she teaches the children how to pull safe pranks. Could be funny.

Thank you for submitting. It really made my day to read this.


Character Count: 1,271 (tags = 222 Characters)
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174
174
Review of When Hearts Bond  
Review by Starling
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Title of Work: : When Hearts Bond
Author of Work: : Prof Moriarty
Date: : July 12

Plot:
Young man in South Africa works for a company buying commodities. He meets a woman there.

Scene/Setting:
The writer is working for a company in South Africa in a small village. It is his job to purcure cocoa from the locals for his company. Starting one day a woman, Abena starts to leave gifts for him, small gifts such as banana's, honey, pineapples, milk and meat. The man eventually invites the woman in and asks her why she is leaving the gifts. She says it is because he went against company policy and loaned her husband money for crops. The money was used to save their sick child. The days pass and Abena, continues to bring gifts. She even helps out when Rosa, the housekeeper becomes sick. When it is time for the writer to leave, he discovers that Abena has fallen in love with him and is heartbroken. He knows he cannot stay but he kisses her, and takes her necklace as a memento. He never sees her again.

Characters:
Writer
Rosa - House Keeper
Abena - woman who brings gifts


Suggestions:
I liked this short story. It contains everything. There is happiness, companionship and sorrow. I'm usually not much of a one for bitter sweet endings, but yours worked fine. I am thinking this story was done for a contest or prompt since you had exactly one thousand words. Your characters are believable. I would have liked to see more of a description of the countryside, maybe.


Character Count: 1,303 (tags = 222 Characters)
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175
175
Review by Starling
Rated: E | (4.0)
Title of Work: : Dhe Danced With the Prince
Author of Work: : Iluvhorses -- God Bless Phoebe!
Date: :

Plot:
A young girl at the castle goes to a ball.

Scene/Setting:
The story starts out with Tancy, going to the garden to get herbs for the cook. We discover she enjoys working in the garden and has taken great pains to learn about the different herbs, whether they are for medicines or for cooking. We find out she is going to be allowed to go to a ball for the Princes' birthday. The prince always dances with every girl at the ball, never with the same girl twice in a row. This ball is supposed to be very special although Tancy has not been told why. The Prince follows the rule he has always followed. He dances with a girl, and then chooses another for the next dance.

Something happens though. A new girl no one has ever met before appears at the door way to the ball room. The Prince looks at her and immediately leaves the line of waiting girls and goes to the new comer. He dances the rest of the night away with the new girl. Her name is Cinderella.

Characters:
Tancy
Prince Andrew

Suggestions:
I was getting the idea that Tancy was going to catch the eye of the prince and have one of those happy ever after lives. It was interesting seeing the story from the point of view of another one of the young girls in the castle. We tend to think only the sisters and Cinderella existed, when there were stories to be told of the other people who attended. This was very interesting.


Character Count: 1,305 (tags = 222 Characters)
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