*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/patkeenan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/1
Review Requests: OFF
230 Public Reviews Given
231 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 ... Next
1
1
Review of Bohemian Ballad  
Review by Patrick
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
hmmm, monkey takes umbridge to you entry, not really, pray to jesus, not mary, she wss a human bieng,
huh u lecture me? how dare you, u say
you badspelling an worse smelling chimp,
sorry i guess i sorta expected your entry to follow the songs scenario more closely, s t,,, still good detective like snort poemish facsimialae,
mine. was coffe fuled an kinda foolish but fun,,,,im trying hard to be respectable and polite.
when you do whatever you want casue you thiak yourself clever,it unederstanably uh,,,grating, i know. but,kinda chronic blah blah
ah me, some birdys no like monkey, you line here is " never change monkey,,never" sad fopl....,, vile imagination, in retrosoect simpleton at at times ...not difficult, the contest thing only found one other entry girl with long hair, my critique pretty good,kinda slam scrpt , monkey did a rambliing critique,,,i wasnt impolite adn dindt asked..." did i win" jeus hated fools hard to make him die .he must..bye birdie...pax in christos,
2
2
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Maybe, the airplane will fly, it looks promising,
little dark, oh heck a lottle dark but,I see it on an English telly
hmmm Im an evanglelist,
what? yous say, heavens why are you critiquing my mystery stuff mister?
Well sir or madaam, i beleive its the latter um,,
in order to be to all people, im in the world,cant get out, secret is dont be of
elite be with the people,,forward with yer revieiw
hmm, must tell you why it might succeed and why it might not. Your overview of the
screenplay, was meticulous and quite professional,
and though quite detailed i didnt get
lost or bored, you seem to have had some success,
i wasnt distracted though it was rather complex, but not decidedly tedious,..it may
get kinda muddled with the town an the folks, and the agriegious maladies, keep it homely, Country English.
the main character now a pariah her using her neigbors for psyche experiments,dark however, thats yer chosen Genre..
The towns name sounds English by the way,,,jus sayin
Personally, speaking umm, as a screenplay it seems like something that you u might see on
British programming,
not a rap againsnt you at all, but the small townedness intirgue an all
eccentric dreadfull needles adn pins with mystery migth just be from all the stuff they
Seem to program for viewers... not my cuo of tea.
well thank you for your overview,
Hmm?,,some may read this, and see "Patricks review",
And think , "Well well well, he is able to come down from his ivory tower and be one
of us?" how inersting
Well, yes,in a way yes,,
you see in the messages of Paul the aposptle he "strove'
to be all things to all people.
a real human being, not on a high pedestal,, a street preacher unordained, but
{made brave in Jesus alone) a reformerd scribbler.
in short, a "real' person, how else can folks trust my words,
yes yes i "pray 'people read th sermons i wrote, my dream is only that will
have
the plaesure of seeingg them in heaven, due to the avenue of a real and deeoly
personal
Jesus that fitss all Sizes,,, God bless your writing.... patrick
3
3
Review of Semper Fidelis  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.0)
thnak you for merit badge, when it rains it pours,a slight rise in sermpon reads or hits only.
its spirtually thrilling..the merit badges,.. well its something thank you "oh well ilked it but, Satan says "just insigniagant little valentines, by adolescent fools who never grew up, will u never grow up you fool..you scribbler
no never, only those who eschew the self serving logic you planted in this fallen world will anyone enter .my masters kingdom....away ,,,ima steeled from your wiles by my masters sacrifice.leave us,
his kingdom is real...stay pure, stay spiruatlly astute,,
he will "show you things'...you are never alone with faith... you seem to have made me more credible..thanks.. if thats so. dont know.....
tell them they will see and feel difernt after reading that guys stuff.. it snot mine bui it is..
im bold my days are short, but seriously will they be heleped,,,yes yess..
, I must trust in jesus and in his not "me" youve seen th messes of confusion,
i was inder attack, say...yes yes there are orher options than guys,uh read the poem// we are made to seek eternal love...strugle beleive....The poem above you suffer so...see your nor really an angel,
butif we overcome by faih in Jesus we will rule over them, angels that is,,yes, it is written so....now you are a woman subject to its temptaions...Marraig in the wing, we are not menat to be alone,,ill pray for you...to be happy,,but...Well...so much to know
yes,spritual life, its war, but some levity for yuh sister like Mr T in DC cab to his frieightened lady fare,looked worried,,as he drove, but he says "dont worry lady were in the winning cab .."yes we will win if we belieive in jesus.... sorry long
if you can help me sisiter to show others like you, a personaleal Jesus... great. im not a user,, i want only souls free happy forever ...God in the book af isaih ask his servant "who will go adn who will i send", the prophet boldly answers "send me'...if you are not ready to go "yet' assist me in my messages....just a word to the others....yes it will feel strange becasuse a along we have served the worlds, lusts,,resist.. "some",
for soon enohg we will be bound away from all these many thiangs that distract us....eithe way thank you, encouraging spirit sister be pure....and not so very romant ic..the poem i had to hitch a ride on to get a msiisves made me ralize you suffer like i did, 9h woman comae away.. love jesus alone above all other loves and be free,,.this is my romance, find jesus an be happay an free,
is this possible,, yes in him all things are posssible,,....no repley neccesary..jus help help the ohters to see the sermons and see..sorry a lttle bit messy

. h
4
4
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmmm listen, not bad, uh real male female humourist banter. he said she said dialogue,. hmmm good work ,yeah your getin to the outer cirvcle of Male an female he created them,Male and female yep,its workin breezily funny good grasp of humour and prosaic rhythm of the piece.
it is amazing how dialogue that is riffing along doesnt need description,
hmm the doferrnces in the sexes,,amusing ,diggithy doo, my daughter. loz lost her keys constanly,i made hooks too, Went in pusre and hung em uo for her, wife screamed at me..
her names Elizabeth, shes creative, and a grapahic artis, um hmm she made a papaier machaetae manniken dress holder out of chicken wire, she good at stuff thatss innovative cheap adn cool,
but not at moving all her stuff when she has to go to a new place,
she was she was supposed to help me, but didnt feel well that day she had to maove out,that day..yikes stress with heavy stuff
i said "thats s all well an good..(meanng nothing) but unless we move all this today the landlords gonna keep yer/my deposit"... she just clumped away like a giant baby and left me to move everything..
she had a nice dress on she made,clever person, her chicken wire ,mamiken, of chincken wire an papaier machaet coverng (when doin french i jus throw vowels around,wheeeeee happay landin i hope"
but that day in my anger i just threw manniken adn dress it into my shed, the abyss, the nigth fell and hungy crtters came a sniffin srangely wise creatures too "pierre I do beleive i smeall pappier machetae,,oui oui,jai avec la suiff,,tresbonn mon frer we eat....
that night these incredibley diligent, sneaky adn hungy rats ate all the way through the dress to get to the water and dried flour base of papier machet manikens,, structure.
when my wife an liz "the girls, saw rat eaten holes in the dress Eli
zabeth groaned in deep deep pain, i tried to assuage her pain
my thiknin is its just stuff,
we are not just flesh, we are spirit,,but well, in truth we are so attatched to stuff and kdnda stuck in thse bodies and the love cool stuff in the world around us,
well its true, God , Jesus had to come down in a live body of flesh, and live like us, in a body subject to cold, hunger, thirst, regiciton and a death,, only this, strange servant of man missiona satisfeid the creater, we are hsi children we retutn to him when we say thank you to Jesus,,,this is what i preach on streets, and to peop;e l Like you dear,,i too have a gift for bieng real,, im sure i conafused you but, in yer piece he too had to be real. to succed well, me too
, uh we need stuff, we need soauses too but, the love of cool stuff and people not always good sister.
it holds us earthbound.. your stuff was real, and pretty good, it nice the thing about Ending with "i love you nice,"yes we must love our spouses,not good to be alone.,,, but, check iut my portolio,"Woman at the well" my sermons down to earth l
maybe you can see new spirutal stuff, to be happy in mariage, mayb, but check it out
sorry more plug for sermons,but need to know jesus before we go away...we need to be born again...its simplified, curiouas, check out my sermns please, youll like it maybe, its real, thanks, good piece patrick
5
5
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)

the critque,
a very good whirring dervish of problems in accomplsing literary dreams,Poltical casuses,
hmnot metered fairly, precisely, but, sufficiently,for "poem'
gosh maybe but,
uh but kinda metered run on sentence , not bad just sayin
so,engagnign real, felt pain, of windy, poof!! gone, dreams ideas? , dreams melting
strangely familair
i identified with it,
my sermaons great, my sermns too long, people curiuaus, people think your a narcicisitic fool,up down
all the while the persnal jesus says, "where would you be without me my son..my servant. die to self.little child mine"
yes ima, a times lost, lost lost,
just like you Tim, anyway a pretty real,poem./ angst scree wale,/,um Please feel free to checnk out "Nicodemus", in portfolio,
I beleive ive met your stuff in the Relgious Genre, resectfully yours ,,,thank you, for your poem Tim..patrick
6
6
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay well as your cmap counselor we shall have our little chat, let me see firs we go auo on the mountins you ovoe so very very much,a s a bum hiooie i loxed with mouantian climbers i cringe udner the adultness snonwn by care and use of gear, hey man be carefull with anyting even renotely being biblical, yeah yo had a lotta blues gasssisinsm in there, your safe, its not scripture but give em your hand, ah its a risk im taken it dude, steer clear of anyything even remojley scriputurall based,,, heaven adn hell there,
well i disguise my vernacular some as a fellow dude but im not messin arouand around either, m bein a lterary jackass uh forogive me, but scripture, parapahrased so baldy but anyway here goes teh standaards of man are high but thestandard of God infianatley highherm people wil l mock, i care not, take my hand, be carefull dont mock, its okay we all vent, but noone goin over the jordan {the symobolic river of doubt fueled by death) and a stone cold reality of a world tht cannot see God Jesus,um well in shortm "nuttin' let us rest beside the road, a bit, got any water man... just rest, and see waht /God hss said, yes the mountain the faith thing,,wha whha whhhaa yeah i know its a high mountain yes sir, the faith thing seems, "oh man are you sure?",,yes yes i absolutley am,, stop lamenting and start living, take my hand, patrick,,uh ,,dont be mad, forgive tyophes man uh,so many patrick!
7
7
Review of Virus  
Review by Patrick
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Okay ms dickenson ill help you out,,,All the tea pieces for horror set out nicely.teh order and emily dickensonion puntilliousnes made me groan a,,,little, weactually a lottle it reaaly could just be me as a guy who uses voice only, to me it seem rather effusive and kind of over done, dont be mad rememberber im rustic and an evangelist, none the less ifyou want to get good enough at this, your desscrition of stuff is very well done but seeemed to lack teh pluck of grishom in what was it " the recknoning " you maigt hthiak oh patricks goig to be mean Because of my devil may care critiiquof his automatic whatever that was, nope i calls en as i sees em,only my opinion b the details were drippin in to mauch into what was going down in the plot..
.i must say it was working well or the abuctees clothes horse promenade but, quite frankly i thought he was a rich girl s personal chaufeaur for the longest time.... Its been quite a while since Ive studied Eamily dickenson, if you must knowadn i willget back the critique, wich may bea record for the longest msot exhahstve one in that loan kite tail of them with breezy snippet of some real stuff to help..smeare good some hallmark well wishing, but anyway, do youa know what crazy female hiuan bieng did in her one life,,,,yes did you would escape aptricks evangleizng maws of truth daughter mine, at her preatigeus school, wel an evanglesit under the spirt of the second grat awakening preached hard and well, there is simply nothing like this to do sister, its like niagra falls of truth, falling from ones mouth adn by Jesus appwer sell binding people,,, if you prove to make holy chioces, as of now yourjust atlented overly brace girl, but practicce chirpoing out to jesus, this born again tiag takes info, and time, but ican tell your read woamn at the well, godod short breezy critique thank you, okay uh on man ueas so all teh firls in her school stand uo to accpept.. theyweremoved todo so , but seh wasnt so she just well sat...yep he girfreieds implored her mightily, but as a fanof her stuff and her life you know how she was, dont you dare be like her Amythet,,,sadly she lost there coamany as they wern now newly born again, intrianed they sort of abandoned he, but iam trianed i will not abandon you but dont ever tiak of me as anything but a warrior for Jesus, ..the fallen worls venue of what menadn weoamn are .only..,,decidely shallow. amywhoo back to the longest critiquein the world
um okay, uh the thing about hi abieing mad at her dad foe his hackin incidnet in Dads company a lil, well overboard but kinda works , casue hes a well dressed madman, with no consicinece but, maybe needs more fleshing out,,,,his bluntness in him takingher life very well done..,,i dont ocndone murder enn in fociton as an evalgesit but it was teh realest thiang in th horror story... okay her kllling him is alittel, hurray a hallmark ending .Be more creative.um.
hmm.my brains drooping dear, tome to close i givey ou an A-
but you really have no idea how surpiesed iwas as when i saw how long it was, iknda see read it, but you deserve that grade, your a desriotion genius, but be more selective too much, read " the reckonong and read "Lazarus', pay note to Jesus yeallinga at mary ,,ima going to yell at you, maybe? in time,carefully, alittle cause jesus loves you,dont be mad
in claisig its a reala,,good work, pretty good shorrt story ,
now listen, be nice be my frieind , wihle your in this sight, uh tell other folks "yeah yeah, hes a good guy, hes funny an ridiculaous causue he gets "bored" an someitimes has no filtter,hes not boring Paostork but his stuff is scr[iturally Thoughgt out,somewhat literary,yes it is if peopl eare bored they leave.. a fact,, (dont get mad at typohes, lotta work) talk to others in site .to read his stuff, simpy wants all members go to heaven,,a simle man, how? by showomg his Personal jesus,
hes real, or trys to be,, find your personal jesus,,, so., dont be scared. he sinceres,Amyyths,(oh dear sorry wrong spelling..please new freind,uj just speak to weoman,, help me, sister..patrick
8
8
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (5.0)
thanks bigget points drop ever, read beginning to your essay,the nature of men and woman, mysteriously left a door open for only those realized in the Lord/ jesus to open,I was a soccer, track and field and many others fleshly distcations to weave a man identity incorrectly,seemed right, but all me wonderfull me....somejhow it attracted girls but it was incredibley shallow and the crypitci haiku. from God, remained unfathomable.i loked your essays theme,hmm good clues to frnkenstiens in the wings... fact is only self realization in a personal jesus can intuitively make the haiku known, soory to be so maysterious, i will read you essay late adn try to critique it,my daughter Elizabeth whp i smy only girl, i have a son Isaac,met a frenkenstein like those of which you write, and me an the wife were in hell, for a year and a half, girls ar romanctic guy um well sub human, hope your "essay" or hmm a "study" will save many from this exerience,
I havent seen any of your blerbs on "news feed" lateley i allover it with ijm sure folks are annoyed, some go 2500,,its a way of Evanelizing, konda impolite, but i get notifications and life wihtout evnagleizin for jesus is simply not worh liveing, in closing really happy to hear from you, folks say stay in touch, jsut to have a friendly ending, really do it a critique woudl help, but just a high cool too
9
9
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (5.0)
um hmm..well lets see. uh you get th award fro being able to keep ones attention, you have a good child like voice and just let the chips fall as i feel way, intriguing but a hint of melancholy follows you, it isnt planned artitictallly, a clarion what is,is, i had read your i hate mothers day and was a little sad for you that you had a mother like that but if its any consolation that was like a rain day you, it doesnt seem like it got you to down it shows that you definately write exactl wtha you are thinking without and sort of filter at all.
im not quite what more to critique you on, i beleiveif someoneis interstint it begins an ends there, um well gotta do some critique dance.yur work as a writer is real, it shows, no foggy sentneces to the point. Its a god insight from amns pain of view to read thigs of this nature,,,,,,it is a widown into what the hbible meant when it said cryptircallly with somuch implied but not said very touching witjhoau annnoyin mushiness.
i too have cats,its easy togetlost in imagianstion with them, but much of teh imagiaing is returned in reality actually.
I guess that the best i can do at critiquing, you s ee as a professinal writer misakes and um well,many and various venialities clerically,
welcome to this place, i have a hunch you will make a lot of freinds .. acquiantences, ,
my name is patrick, well theres a sophhisticated way to intro oneself, but well, it esacapes me many things do, imam personalist christian,
but iam tired of bieng tagged, iam still an individual
and iam not automatically contrariaon to to others views,
i welcome you as a newby, and will look forowrd to reading your unique styly of voice.im actully not lying,
so welcome. forgive typhoe, absence of decorum,so wearying, forgive if possible, soem cantm my clerical laziness,
i do this thing from time to time in my news feed remarks thay are way too long pretending jane Asutin is my secretary, im pretty sure its not funy at all, but who relly knows, i cant tell, stuff just goes out into space, i do pray for folks, you too now, and promtoe my master jesus, but people are still individuals and differnt even when saved, welcome newby, uh have fun and make friends, they will cheer you.
10
10
Review by Patrick
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Surely, the world we live in is full of acute spiritual Sychronicity,
too soon if we look carefull with faiht and study the nature of life in the world that God/ Jeus created, he lets nothing happens haphazardly or by chance... as we hope.
Its "wishfull wrong thinking", but, in a world where people are asleep to a reality of God, doing stuff to wake us up, teh catalyst for your story i bleieve, uh.. it happens in almost all people,
Its is an ignaorance that helps us..( me too) foolishly, bleieve we can be free,..It is a lost hope and leads to depression,we throw the poeces of the puzzle down and think,, yes yes i see it now as it is..uh huh..oh yes!
i loved your story becasue im many times me you us are living under the same outlook, yknow stuffs, "just happpening" .in fact, Its sin or stubborness blocking God/Jesus leading,
we are all like self willed jack asses, he heawwing down below, until we see what fools we were when all is reaveled,
truly it will be, but why wait call on jesus, he hears now is the time to learn how to listen, have faiith and it ill happen.
but all of us so very very stubborn stubborn. in closing, the story was good, a realness a homey ness, and a kinda mundane "business as usual' until someone [picked up phone, i was rapt with attention, when the guy picks up phone, an its "another one", my name is patrick, i have sermons written during the pandemic, yhey may have glimmers of light, truth humour, and a desire to reveal jesus to folks in this sight, thanks for your story, it held my attention, call on jeus in spirit, he hears...patrick .
11
11
Review of Hope  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.0)
this is pretty good writing,
for me, a sort of the social details are many and unusually ineresting , a sort of court,
or forestly elfish polite folks court
uh..for an evanglelist,highlly literary..
but they are written with care ane a sort of love of order and frienship society.made a shadow to me of the kingdome of God,
is it really there, "of course"
Iam amazed att this genre of elves an magical sorts of people, im not sure what, to say so Ill play a writer and just speak automatically.Your details are good, the harps structue,,nice...hmm but?
there is such a real place as this,( dont be mad its what i do), its made for those who like children, believe in it, an faithfully follow a God of love to it
the courts of earthly kigdoms have/had societies brimmig with intrigues, galas and all manner of things like this, yours more genetle pastural but still..let go futher still
But the pastimes of the christian kingdome, its "courts' shroueded now, so it is not known now,I suppose we make ourseleves
ready by invisible lessin of faith only, "studies' of the awaiting,
kingdom with biblical clues we figure it out.
oh i forgot,,,a critique, um..the heaeder of " wheres our invitiation, or wheres my invitation in your entertaiment jusmped out well, and worked nicely,, this was skill and had a long circuitous build up to it and in the end an expected courtly happy ending. in real life( im closing) without an exact tempalte of what to do next. to get ready for the coming kingdom,iam not always sure what to do or what to say. Maybe my intent will be lost, im not worried at all
i only know a hidden force goads me that noone wil llisten, to me or my words, or anything, however i know other wise and will soldier on with jesus as my guide. all people in the fallen world have some sort of annoying ilterior motive,i strive to be holy,
mine as far as A created fallen being can see is, to say i found a place a destination as of yet unseen, yes its unseen now, but it written of, trustfully,
Yes, yes, we will go there if we listen to the envoy, the real true servant sent to lead us, jesus is trust worth dont doubt
his life and life giving sacrifice is the key, go in call out to him,
Yes even now people forces will see these words differntly, but its up only to you to weigh them.
in closing...happy Easter, are you coming to this place...thank you..for your story, happy easter an evanglelist,in jesus holy name, amen
12
12
Review of Confession  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.0)
the writing is true, but it needs a sort narraitve to make it more than just truthfull scriptural information,
let me explain, we see this in the parable of the "Prodigal son" and the fathers long suffering until his return.
So too, in the sower and the seeds.
These messages are seemingly good at quickening those who are well on the way to the idisputable reality of Gods existnece,your message quickened me for this "thank you' but sir, consider those still in the world, the lost the decieved who we once were. still im will be honest when first I read them was aided by my many wrong decision that the piece helped me to see.
they remeind me a lot of the Puritan writngs, i will admit iam changed after wrotitng them, but ima not always disciplined enugh to do so.
there is one thing, that always leaves me moved,greatly quickened.
when teh lamb of God cried out, My God My God why have you forsaken me", this moves me to love jesus, to be sis servant forever Because he sufferd this seperation from the father for me, this very simple and direct.
i thank you, for your messages,



13
13
Review of Suitcase  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (5.0)
And so you will bee,said a honey bee,wait a mistake, bee cant talk,they dance you see, a left at the butterfly meadow,hey you stop moanin,pay attention tuh muh, dance,pay attnention depressed in detention,You thinkin bout broken dreams, Be aware learn from my dance,they call like sirens and drive you from the sweet dream of freedom, so i dance an dance and show yuh the way,,,,but oh oh oh see,look ahead at that...A wide draw and the happy free bees buzzin praise,Were created bbbbeings, not God,rejoice fellow bee-ing,,it is what it is,,, but, not beesm his children... to sing and dance in his presence forever and ever jesus words will coame alive and show us the way.

gosh, if i just left this with no explaining, id be badly amsiss, so, well,Your poem..held me, it did, minmalist but works
Yes the poem, is skeletal but has a Genineness that spoke to me,and will to thers, good but kinda sad, but is what is.. yes,
depression is sneaky, an makes the picture extremely bleak,its a spell,nothing more, easy frome to say,,, but ive kicked it so can you, come away,,,fly, uh,sorry,kinda annlying maybe, uh The weights worked, seems like you walked along on sidewalks of brokeen dreams a long time, many time this happens becasu we have no other resourace or template except fellow human beings and there expectatioans,hey man, noone can meet them,, becasue they are not divine,
iam this year my seventieth,ih ord dont let me b a child of a hundred years, let me help others as a sincere man of God,,, only now after soo long am i remotely seeing this by jesus guiding me, im a vain and a careless man, with a creative bent , but, jesus is all powerfull and all knowing...he see you sir, he is alive and he will set u free, if you meet him here, call out,,then sense, detect,grow in this way of life, after a while he will be with you now,and then in eternity to dance an sing in his fathers house forever and ever,the world had many broken dreams, the adversary of mankind uses this,,, call on jesus and you will be free,,,the bee thing, oh my,kinda, ih well, just kinda grew,,patrick
14
14
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first two sentences were quite real and good, this is the power of cratinin and you wrote in consort with quite well, i was reading about Gods massive creation,The sea is symboiclaly the spirit of adventure and mystery,It is biblicall ambiguoius as to it being good or bad, it must be mastered...
im not sure why? but thoagh the clarity of writing still very good, h
however when it went into the politics of the beings you created, the seas mystery power and forboboding mystery went away, for me a subjective call,
I read the other reviewers time to time an it appears they have an axe to grind,
this writing is a step above a lot of what ive looked at,and at leaast you had the good sens to know The sea is wild sometimes dangerous and if mastered a., beautifull creation of our maker. i wish you the best in publishing this....patrick
15
15
Review of Arkansas  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your picking up a watercolor made by the rain, wow this works for me,But Hmm go further

Hmm its kinda thin in its vision...hm,?? look below,,
In arkana,,, in a cheap hotel,, suddenly,,, I dreamed south,.. i heard a young trumpeter play .."La Goya',,, no prisoners,.. no quarter, no mercy... as the horn said,... Crockett,, Bowie,,and all who stayed,, recieved, Death.., crocket was Saber flailed..a hard death...The courage, this ..all of them brave.. rallied men texas was born, i left arkana early, I missed texas ,my home. okay okay needs work, metering, but ,i hope you "get' the picture
Im christian and worshio jesus only,
none the less that narrative opens a vein..
16
16
Review of Black Bag Mystery  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
thats actully rather good,
It reminds me of what they do on shows like "Storage Wars," or ""pawn stars, they break for commercials when your cuiousity is piqued, an leave you curious,youve masted this, it give a rise to curiousity
good job, its not an easy thing to,
Some details of it were sligtly misleading, but were cleardd up, you may or mayy not have meant for it to be so,
for a second or two i wondered if the boy had it in for the neigbors noisy dogs,
it was cleared up when they both expressed "horror' at what happen to the intreoeid dogs who dragged the nefarious, black bag away,
one senses it wont be good.....they were surpised att the turn of events,not evil people, dogs snatched it,not bait just garbge, that wasnt theres to take, sneak thieves, with paws
hopefulljust a tummy ache, but they dint plan it...mystery revelaed.. nicely done,
my youger brother who has since left this site writes in this mystery horrr genre, I write sermons and, share on news feed, perhoas with indordinatley long missives,,, thank you for the mystery it worked...
.patrick
17
17
Review of Honey in My Tea  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmmm okay,this is a short lesson in cuteness,
you had me, and others,
you have a bit of a knack,with mundane redondensy, (sorry read last word ??phonetically), spell check?" oh bother
however, remember, people are fickle an and easily wearied, you had a inersting dynamic
The frustratted little scamp. in the midstof mean wanna be
mothers, quite a good setup for cuteness,
but when he became too much like lewis an clark an went out ,into the back yard, you dynamics of details, and quaint metering as well, became kinda wearying,,
others may not tell you this, as its initially very enganing, truly is, and it may be a subjective call, on my part,really could be dont be discouraged,
so listen or dont listen, up to you. still generally very nice and homey, real dynamics with know it all matronly keepers of lad..family "life" is in fact, mostly nagging..
, perhaps, The details many particulars of acgiring raw honey and the mysterious neighbor,..too much cutenes bubble seemd to spring leak,,,or not..subjecitve call hmm in closing it works when ol poo bear gets ambittous and stick his paw in and consumes bees an honey, christopher robin shreiks, "Horrors you fuzzy fool"
then, has to send him to the dry cleaners......short and cute..uh but messy,,ha ha good job, shorten perhaps, to hold em
18
18
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
okay,Very intersting, clearly written and can be read quickly, very good writng adn communcating skills for complex "theories", now we must become frinds if on on the premise that the two souls, are in many ways birds of a feather, but in my case i will let you know are feathers a re not exactly lined up, however take heart in tath yoa re a very unusual birdie and its a good idea to flywith me for a littel while, come fly with me birdie freind mine.....sorry so childish, its an attnept to win you over becasuse some stuff im gonna say may make us part our ways unless you see how hard and pasudo loterary i ecome so youwill stay adn fly with me for a little while
James the real fleshly brother of Jesus, said let youryes be yes and no..no, anyting other than this will be filled with evil....in short and in "truth'...were going to look at this, kinda carefully, and we are going to use someone who you, may know from history,
it is to assist you inour flight south to the kigdom of heaven where we will live with the lord of all true love fpreever and ever.
guess what im sure you going "oh how he does carry on', yes but if you pay attnetion i will bring you health to see an fly, and be in love deeply with jesus,
Isaac newton Brilliant mathematician an pahysicisit without who, inddutrial relvlution wouldhave stalled,,smart guy, but not spiritually astute, got real lost, i mean holy moly when freinds of his, other physcicist of the age,"Haley' for whom comaet named, they knew when it was coning, briliant guys, "came' to collect him in his romming house and saw the state he was in, his theories on theological things of his own making drove him quite mad......Much of it with musings on angels,and what he iamgined they were ravealing to him theoriteically,,,
He left scores of writing, that made no sense and make many pastors wonder wher was his ordianied minister to asist his insane tragectory leading to madness
now i will say this, you are brilliant, and i dont fault you at all fro your attraction to angels, fascinating beings who caom down to this fallen world,, but listen, yes your kinda off track, thats why i did that birdie freind dance, see im a crative too butuh jesu shows me i can use it a littel but, but please servnt dont get carried away, its your wekness do you iderstnd this patrick...yes Jeus...I serve at your pleasure, witjout you iam reduced to nothinhg,
not bieg dramatic its true, so let me give m ytwo cents worth and clsoe this thing out, while we are here , we need ohters, yes we do, too much ema]phasis on mystery, thinkk of love..meditate on God becoming man, to suffer regection from his creation, to be treated scornully and hated till the Creation sougt stupidly totake away his life, :they couldnt but sougth too..and made him suffer, seperation frm his father till all the sinsof us wre washed away,,we are free to love and fly free meditate on that, it is a fact...much of what you have written im not sure is true...dont be mad a friend.
19
19
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
loved it, when you study carefully what they did,and what others tried to do,
you realize it was them or nonbody, until the twenties,
Dreaming is in all of "us' maybe as a world neighborhoos "us" being americans perhps, but wea are all one in jeuss but we must embrace what " God is doing with the nations as americans,
we cry out loudly like children for the solutons to our,.."wonder toys" more than thw other children we dream of invention deeply
the brothers cast an alumiinioum engine long before honda did, and they squirreled away platinum for the spark plug knowing the stuff gave more punch,
invention is man enjoying the sories of thest things being ralized
imagine,Fermi,how he knew knew but didnt know, the the rods, sorry forgot what they are made of would slow down the reactor adn keep it inder control,he was inder a stadium,in chicago univesorty the ,
footbalk team showered near a thing that could blow uo half of he state, ignorancei bliss,,
the specifics are beynd me, ......danger, in first flight, all men drawn to flying machines, loke apachaes to war.. cant stop, ,,wont,,uh> justt cant....,,many dangerous crashes,
a pushy miittary officer killed in an attmpt to wind acclaim didnr claoim it got death instead, and it soured the thrust of the climb up the moutain.
bit,with care with planning with study it was actualized,,,but slowly in a kinda holy carefull childlike wonder you capotured it wll by the way itowas brought to life,congrats .. it lived again, few could get it done, but they did,
in closing the three greatest inventions of the last century are supposeadlay, the a..irplane, modern advetising and the bicylcle,.. with barbed wire angry that he was not given a third place tie.....amusing onl to americans
I have written sermons, as iam not ordainned cant read em in many churches, yet if i study adn an call on Jesus they too will fly, and transport people to heaven,, this is not a dream it will be so....in jeus name pray for me, you yariticle was very real, they deserve your laud and honor, my master jesus will also be lifted uo and I hope by his grace will transoort many souls, he instruct me in this endeavour..thank you for your piece patrick
20
20
Review of Why in the World?  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well.um..yes it has a sort of simple lack of detials and realities that leaves one happy, with the vehicle and its premise.However,if i chosse toleave it as an entertainment i would be sorely amiss, let me explain..the two genre tags or waterholes for those who are truly seeking. what is the big picture of teh toatla realityo folife admits meaning are, this one and the religion outlet which is Religion.
Im not sure if its proper that you were placed as a sponsored item, but conagatulations it is what it is, however, it important to express some thouaghts on th matter, an add some particulars for thougth for the author; and they are these,It is dealing with verydifinative invisible realities as as homour piece, fro lack of any real or definative understandig of god given realities, o honestlydont think you wil be offended becasue secretly i beleive you know that. and the soiritof tehoeice left us to know that.
Yet, i feel somethiang behooving me reluctntly to have a care, why?,, un well, by the skill adn ascnedancey of your status as a sort of leader by the clarity skill and some humour, you can lull, not willfully, its rally moreof a vieniality of literary skipping around an singing in a meadow of lets us jsut imagine shall we,
none the less, sadly adn honeslty i have done the same, but closer in amy pesonal raltinshi with God as a peronlist christian have many times been metaohysically disciplined.
know this..God is not a man,inadvertantly theres some mocking, but you have two things going for you, and avocate in Jesus who was human and me.
yes,we intercede, in love for you....
in closing, dont be angry be fieinds,we write, and have thiags in commnon, ive recieved these ranting rereviews and there God awfull,,jus sayin,
so uh ileave a sort of conagratualtions for your ascendancy,
but. now dig deeper,
momentous realities have advented from realities that created this abode, the world,
of the earth in which you were born and live.
God really was here,study his words and life, seek real work, and writng, to win ohters to his words of laove and truth in realities that thoug invisible, its not obovious... seek, feel, detect, to know they truly exist, an have power over all of us. whether we beleieve it or not.
Be a leader of true seers, with your gift,
not an entertainer,
but, use this gift by all means. thank you congratulations, but go further in jesus truth and name. patrick please confer adn make acquaintance tnrough my sermons, thank you for your piece, very clear, well done but..uh above stuff, pax in christos
21
21
Review by Patrick
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well here is the diagnostic of this writng. It seems to be a very introspective following of the mind taking information to form an emperic source or voice or light of whats happening,
however, as a pice of wrtitng its somwwhat tedious,
its not as "essay' because its nor trying to explain or express anythtng concrete, i cant grasp onto a point or an emoeiric thrust,,
it is an impressive attempt to express how you see things,moment and thougth by thohght.
Iam concerned adn sightly interststed in it with it as iam introspective myself,
you must wonder in the face of realiry how many people really are indtersted init hmm..i don mean to be rude.....few are this astue ..intelectually, the soul is lead by the mind, some...,,hmmm in closing..hear me oh seeker for your soul eternal joy..ima serioaus now.. words are evetyhting and then notihing, who wields them...,me a christian servant.. ..read on..
it is a lot like what happened to Me when I tried valiantly to get my sermons posted in the siritual and reliogous sites,
there were instructional exposaes available, but uh ...my mind.// ability to read instructionla information....lacking order and concentraiton, my backgrwound is sports, im alittel intellectual but,,, uh no not reelly as amauch a aa you,,,thsoe were very long circuitous sentences,,..i get lost,uh anayway, lets simplify, this is the same thing that happened whne one of my customers wanted me to put his ikea entertainment center together it got curuoser and cuiouser but never got done...simply to omany unknown and conafusing varibles, seeker,you dont have an emperic truth, or path,or good easy to foallow instructions,,Freind join me, mine is jesus, for me o rest in this ..sorry distracted,
finally, in regads to the positng sermon on the sight,but it was done, read them, its an empeoriv truth of God,,in jesus, may master..yours? who knows? rest in them, like i do, anyway practically speaking, I humbly asked my son to help me, i was guessing an grabbing at straws, and may vivid imagiantion and lack of reading instructions necciesitated higher help...i am using an "analogy' for you,
dont be mad, let us, yes, let us be friends, surprise, I was a vaisnave,u are indian beleive I sense in may soul, I believe that you must commit to the true triuned God for concret answers of what is happening and why.
Iam a thinking "Christian' rest in Jesus,sir, forogive my boldness,iam a driven man. you must realize you are a crated being, an will never know anything without conclusive Gods help.. rest in him patick
22
22
Review of Why Do I Cry?  
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for your poem,
my younger brothter,First leieitntnt army.
had to do many tours in the middle east ,
i had bad dreams about the whole fam going to a miiltary funeral.
um ,,hmm/you have free will, yet perhaps, only but uh,,teneuous with souls am I, uh..perhaos have care in lamenting?,
but you are given free will to do so..
what i mean is this,
the agonay is a kind of "birth pains',
or if u will or will not, your call soldier,.... a sort of " growing up" maybe maybe not, Of the nations who God created,
until..yes until,thats the rub,, they recognize the son of righteousness that must rise in the hearts of all nations. his wiil, will be done. a thousand years a day to him..selah selah lamenting soul..comfort comfort
yes the pain is agonizing,it is yours alone oh soul..
yes maybe, anger, anger..yes, i swallow my overbearing offense toyou if it happens in christ, as his servant alone alone////
After all .. who am i?, non the less,, froward no retreat
I pray deeply for you, (i just did},, that it will be assuaged in you,
in closing,,,i beleive rigthly or wrong im failable..no suprise!!
you may be a veteran?,
however. it is whatt is,
yet ,look! it is written, by his liutetenant, Paul in contemplating his risen master.."where o death? is your victory? where o death is your sting?",,,, my only hope. is together we grow, to actualize this faith, ove death, an conquer this pain an suffering by faith.your stuggle too,
ahhh the critque, so amiss? am i, as usual? on and anon,
well constructed and personal poem of true sorrow,sound, weighe\ted nicely, balanced well, but. "rise up' rise up!!! in "faith' hear now,, the last Trumpet soldier, soul human, and exalt, in God's triumph in his sons victory....amen
23
23
Review by Patrick
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well,Well well, um, easy read and engaging, kinda parabolic and rather pleasng tos see and hear.
As a particular point of interest to you might be a vaster and perhaps less "pedestriain" i choose to hate thang, but been there
(Pedestrain? not a jab at you but rather a new toy monkey found and he dances laong the jungle road with it like a little boy who found a horn to honk on....ha ha), What i was going to say is we are at times tempeted to kind of be judge and jury when we see the folks Slurping up th mammon of noce sutits, jewelry, title class, an all the Gee gaw we steal from santa clause with our dilgience hard work and sneaky im solcever ways,
but jesus,God,, the creater and omnipotent one in charge of this big ol coo coo clock,has left a solemn door stopper, that cannot be moved,,,"Vengeance is mine sayeth the lord," and so to to a certain tiny little know it all way to me to tell the writer this" dont be mad i do this stuff too,,, after i drop atoic bombs the silence adn inability for me to love is solemen, why this,,uh we apparently ate satans delcious brownie and got a tummy ache, ve wise hear the forbodiding of the ache,
so ahh i will recant an be silent... what ho is this, a poem willrise in may heart for you.....it may or not bless you..read an see oh seeker



Many couldnt see
be gald you
sorta can
you third

of
Three blind mice
once we were nothing
But now,,,glory be
squeak squeak
hallujah we be here and see!
once, in this ratrace
an all knowing God
Saw all of us in
mouse traps
it most certainly
"aint written'
But
He heard are "sqeaking'
and "blind" so he lead us out
many were ungrateull
and once free
Said
" Lets cheeze it?
" But, "Squeak squeak..say What?"..hmm. uh? .okay" afew lingered
moved by his love
these became "evangleist' of his love love
every ounce of my fallen nature
says "hate"
But he said "love"
iam bound to it
Hallujah, whatt a saviour

penned by "Biggee gratefull rat" patrick
24
24
Review of The Wisp  
Review by Patrick
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Iam unhappy, i wanted to read "cracked" again, Um forgive me but, it had a very real sense of being short on funds,
And passed over by society that is so teneuous, and causes depression, I lived in the shadow of the worlds finer things an had to use soup kitchens,
but thanks to my personal christianity it is gone,
even now i dont believe in The masquerade, of the finer things, but i have to be thought of as normal for the gospel of jesus,I dream of getting a bike adn going from town to town to preach on streets...jesus seems to be saying...
Stop!
Sooo wife, kids, job um if you must know the queries,that the little man made about Fo Bras,
this intrigued me, i wonderd what it was inside of you that kept the tale alive, though it was but a carefully planned masquerade.......wont judge but... im not sure what to say about the other offerings,um...The suspense is kinda uh "muted" because its too obvious whats comin,little bread crumbs for birdie reader's more judiciously and cleverly hidden i guess
sorry, its true man..
this literary critique isnt really my thing, please just think personally without the catholice gee gaw, only only this,// feel the incredible seperation of the son from the father, "Why have you forsaken me", The pain he underwent, somehow covered all our emtiness, take this gift , it works, be whole, without it i was broken.. must do..over now.
The genre you chose detective, horror, are not my favorite.
As u can see I have tried to correct my glaring and annoying typhoes, run on sentences and manic bouts of running all over the page like a drum major wearing the tall tall mecurial hat, and doing the high stepping as iam want to do.think on the jesus thing, we are all coming aroudn the corner
happy thanksgiving an merry Christmas Bro..patrick
25
25
Review by Patrick
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an intersesting study but,It is rather well known that People do this, its commonly known as "looking out for number one".
You have been graced with the anti dote,But here are some intersting spiritually blind things that people do that makes life harder and less in keeping with being in Gods image,
First there is an attraction ti them as leaders, we follow giving and sharing people, christian ideally, yes but many are not, they and are just generous and not selfish.
Ghandi spent long years as a kind of pretend cabinet member in a small cafefully emperioualsy Englishmen watched forum, with very limited power to change anything, he was a lawyer and was admitted to it an never missed a single session. He did so becasue he loved his people,
later he risked prison s,,tarvation and thoghhg not a natrual public politician, he devised ingnenious public demonsntraitons in traditonal indian dress,
which to englishmen of that era looked like a man in a diaper with a shirt like a table clothe,
his love for his people, and the dignity that he beleived they deserved,, was "somehow',,, recognized by Englishmen,, somehow they were moved to Grant aunonomy to his nation and self rule, perhaps thiry years, before it would have been conceded,,,
indians have an incrdible literary history,It is sort of a great detrement to Chriatianity, however, much of the lore and stories are exalting "Mothers unconditionl and long suffering love,hmmm why this oh pen'
though this was definateltly anchored deeply in his heart. how else could he have ben so long suffering and adept at change..love is wise.
in closing im kinda confused where this writing went, as a Christian?, but Paul said somethiag about love, of any kind to his followers (sorry parapahrsing aaa gain," Whatever is noble, whatever is moving and note worthy meditate on these things". and so I have done, India is a vast puzzle, but hallelujah King of love is on his throne,,,yes hallelaujah he surely is, and he will lead, all nations, safely Home... .

,
.
131 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 6 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/patkeenan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/1