\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/patrece/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
413 Public Reviews Given
414 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
***To be continued***
I'm good at...
***To be continued***
Favorite Genres
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi (for the most part.) ***To be continued***
Favorite Item Types
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Item Types
I am not very fond of reviewing poetry items due to my lack of knowledge concerning poetry.
I will not review...
Anything containing cruelty toward animals and children. Explicit sexual content, nor anything over GC.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 ... Next
101
101
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't usually do reviews on poetry because poetry isn't my strongest point, but the title pulled me in!

You do an excellent job of conveying your feelings on our current president. No doubt is left in the readers mind as to how you view his performance while in office. I am not one to argue religion or politics, but I will share that I am none too pleased either.

The rhyming of words at the end of each line is fairly consistent, But not completely. Although fairly similar sounding a couple of lines have words that don't rhyme. The syllable count is also not consistent, so it detracts just a bit from the flow of the piece, however, you found very creative wording in your attempt to rhyme, and some of those words are very powerful.

Keep up the good work. Thank you for sharing your talent!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
102
102
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I read part one and two, and wanted to continue on to see how the story unfolds further.

*Paw* Flow:
Once again, a very good flow to the story.

*Paw* What Works:
I really do like the way you convey "grief" as an entity that is caring and attentive to Katy in her time of sorrow and loss. A very unique viewpoint that I have enjoyed reading.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I would have liked to have seen a little more description on how Katy and Alain were feeling and thinking as they were leaving the OB unit, seeing the mothers and baby's and expectant mothers waiting to give birth. While perhaps at this point the parents may be feeling a bit numb, it seems like more internal conflict would be present.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A very well written piece. I found no errors to point out. I would love to see this expanded upon yet again! If you do decide to go back and add or change anything, I'd love to know about it so I can read it once again.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
103
103
Review of The Cramps (2)  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I read the first part, which compelled me to read this follow up.

*Paw* Flow:
Again, as with part one, this piece was nicely written and has a great flow to it, aside from one very small thing. I will point this out in a moment.

*Paw* What Works:
A very appropriate follow up to part one.

*Paw* Suggestions:

*Paw* The following sentence just reads a little strange to me, however, it could just be how I am reading it. Grief remembered thinking to himself that she was eccentric but exceptionally organizing the chaos that was the attempt to stop premature labor. The bolded, underlind area is where it just doesn't sound quite right to me. Maybe consider something like (was exceptional at organizing).

*Paw* While this expresses some grief and pain, the reactions and dialogue don't seem adequately expressed in such a heartbreaking moment.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Still Very well written and kept my interest. I look forward to reading part three. Thank you for sharing your creativity and your wonderful writing skills!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
104
104
Review of The Collapse (1)  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
Wow! This is a well written piece that tugs at the heart strings with almost every line. So sad, especially reading it as a person who has had 2 children and has 3 grandchildren with another on the way. The reality of the piece is very comprehensible.

*Paw* Flow:
This story has a very good flow, and is easy to read and stay with.

*Paw* What Works:
The opening grabs the reader and keeps them reading. The raw honesty of emotion works well, but I especially like how when Katy came out of the bathroom "Grief" was there to introduce himself in a most caring way. A very creative twist I wasn't expecting.

*Paw* Suggestions:
The formatting of this piece could use a little touching up. Spaces between paragraphs are inconsistent and some spacing is way to long.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A wonderfully written piece. As sad as it is, I find that I want to go on to read the follow up to it. (See there, a reader hooked!)*Smile*


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
105
105
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I read part one and wanted to see where it all leads.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
Ru is gearing up to FINALLY meet his love face to face. He is hopeful, yet realistic in understanding it may not happen.

*Paw* Flow:
Very good flow for the most part. A couple of places that need a quick fix, but I will hit on those under the suggestions area.

*Paw* What Works:
I LOVE the image that is created for the reader, on the meeting place. It sounds perfect for this meeting long awaited. I also really appreciate the enduring love of Ru, and his willingness to take yet another risk, for the one he loves so dearly.

*Paw* Suggestions:
Suggestions offered - click on this link to view

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Even though there were a few errors, this was still a great follow-up to Chapter 1, and was actually even more enjoyable to read. I am anxious to read chapter 3! I do hope to see it soon. *Smile*


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
106
106
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
Wow! A very unique read. I really enjoyed reading this, even though it isn't a typical kind of writing style, at least not anything I am used to.

*Paw* Flow:
This story has a nice flow, and kept me reading.
*Paw* What Works:
The way it is written is different, yet has a quality to it that keeps the reader curious.

*Paw* Suggestions:
Ru seemed almost too willing to admit to the long remaining love and open up to Myra so completely again, so easily. It would serve the reader well to hear more dialogue when the call is in progress 10 years later. Maybe some reason given for her suddenly shutting him out of her life back then, and what is different now.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A good story, just needs a little more info for the reader to understand how easily forgiven Myra was, or why Ru did not approach it with more caution this time around. BUT that said, I enjoyed it and all and all it was a great read. Keep up the heartfelt writing.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
107
107
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I love the title. It drew me in and made me want to read it.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
A very touching story of faith and believing in the guidance of the Lord.

*Paw* Flow:
This story had a fairly good flow to it. There are a few places that might flow a bit better if reworded slightly, but they do not take away from the writing very much.

*Paw* What Works:
The perseverance of the woman to investigate the voice she heard. This probably saved the boys life. Also the message of faith that is shared is very poignant.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*Lightning* The following sentence would read smoother and better if split into two sentences: I turned and walked to the end of the row to look toward our front porch; and to my amazement, no one was at the porch or anywhere in view.
*Lightning* In this one, I believe a comma would work better than a semicolon: As I took off running toward him, wanting to catch him before he could get near the intersection; I yelled “you stop now!”
*Lightning* There are a couple of other sentences that could benefit from being worded with stronger descriptive words, while using fewer words. Maybe just read it over out loud to yourself. This is when you may notice the little areas I am referring to. This Is what helps me locate things in my own writing.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A very inspiring piece, that was a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing! With just a tad bit of editing it will be smooth and strong!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



108
108
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
A wonderful use of the prompt. I am sure this one took a bit of work to pin down!

*Paw* Flow / Suggestions or thoughts:
The flow is fairly good, however, personally, I think the phrase "She has been so good this year" has been used just a bit to much. It becomes a little redundant. To me this took away from an otherwise very cute story crafted from a challenging prompt. I noticed a few places where punctuation is missing, where it could have been used to make it flow better as well.

*Paw* What Works:
It is a really cute story idea, that I know you had to come up with quickly, so on this point, I think you did an awesome job with this! I especially LOVE how at the end, you gave the perspective of another little girl that had been good all year, and she is just as pleased (if not more so) with her Christmas morning, as the child that received everything she wanted.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing your creativity and ability to spontaneously create this little piece! I really enjoyed it! Happy Holidays!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


*Candycaneg**Candycaner* This is a Festive review from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.*Candycaneg**Candycaner*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
109
109
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
This sounds as if it could be an awesome song, unfortunately, I wasn't able to access the recording, so my curiosity of how it was set to music or a tune, cannot be satiated.

*Paw* Flow:
As I read through the lyrics, I guess I tended to adopt my own tune for it, and by doing so, it sounded very nice, and flowed well. When I read it, it had a most pleasant message, but I tended to want to read it as a poem, so that's when I found a little tune of my own to put to it. That made a big difference!

*Paw* What Works:
The messages being shared in this piece are kindness and morals. I love that!

*Paw* Suggestions:
I think this would have a greater impact, if you would allow those who find this piece, hear it, as you recorded it. While I found a way to set it to my own little tune, I think the impact would have been much greater, had I been able to hear it as YOU intended it to sound.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Again, lovely lyrics! A good read, but would have loved to have "heard" it. Keep on expressing yourself, in whatever form works best for you! That is where your person writing magic is embodied!~


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


*Candycaneg**Candycaner* This is a Festive review from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.*Candycaneg**Candycaner*

110
110
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
Tis time for the Christmas review raid from the newbies academy! Your piece is one I chose to review!
*Paw* Initial Impression:
A very cute and entertaining piece, which I really enjoyed reading!

*Paw* Flow:
A fairly good flow. Just a couple of little spots that didn't seem to go quite as smooth as the rest, but still very enjoyable!

*Paw* What Works:
I enjoyed the humor of the piece. This time of year can be very stressful for most of us, so being able to enjoy a bit of seasonal humor is wonderful!

*Paw* Suggestions:
Just a couple small areas that the flow wasn't quite as smooth as the rest of the piece. Mostly near the mid section of the poem. May I suggest you read it out loud to yourself? This often helps me locate the areas that don't flow quite right in my writing.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Super cute and entertaining! Thank you for sharing this! Merry Christmas!
*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


*Candycaneg**Candycaner* This is a Festive review from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.*Candycaneg**Candycaner*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
111
111
Review of Who's Out There?  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
You had me with the title and description!


*Paw* Initial Impression:
An interesting tale of an experience, that not everyone will have in their time here on earth.

*Paw* Flow:
this had a fairly good flow, but if you were writing for a publication or a novel, then maybe a bit of re-wording would be advisable.

*Paw* What Works:
I enjoyed the matter of fact conversational tone of this story. It just worked well for you in this piece. There were some parts that painted a very clear image of what was happening at the moment. The kind and caring nature of the man (you?) came across loud and clear.

*Paw* Suggestions:
You may consider tightening up the phrasing, and using more of a "tell don't show" approach. I noticed as well a typo in this piece. I do apologize, but I am unable to pin point it again at this time.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
An interesting tale, that is intriguing and friendly in it's delivery. Thank you for sharing! I did in deed read to the end! Welcome to WDC!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



112
112
Review of Jump  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
As a welcome courtesy to the WDC community!


*Paw* Initial Impression:
It is very brief, but very intense. Great job with that!

*Paw* Flow:
A good flow that is easy to follow and keeps the reader interested.

*Paw* What Works:
The imagery conjured up by the very nice selection of descriptive wording.

*Paw* Suggestions:
It is a bit short, but I see it is for a contest, and is likely why. Perhaps a word count limit I am guessing? The only real suggestion I have on this, as it is well written, is to take a look at this: " waters crash against the towering cliff that I unfortunately happen to be standing on." Maybe consider a comma after cliff and chance the word "that" to which. I think that sentence would just flow a bit better that way. But it is your baby! And even how it is, it reads very nicely.


*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A very nice read, which hooks the reader. GREAT job! Best of luck in the contest and welcome to WDC!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
113
113
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews & WDC Power Reviewers Group. Thank you for sharing your work with me.*PAW*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
I noticed a request for a review, asking for honest feedback and thoughts. I thought I'd take a peek. Thank you for asking, and for sharing this work.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
It has a couple of great messages to share with children. I find myself wondering as I read it, what age group this story is intended for? If I knew this, it would help me give a better review, as different age groups read and comprehend at different levels.

*Paw* Flow:
The flow isn't bad, but could use some smoothing out. I will make some suggestions on this below.

*Paw* What Works:
There are several components of this story that work great. I think my favorite however, is the very end where Andrew says; "I don't work to pay my family's bills," he said to Max, "but I work when I want something that I can't buy." This is a wonderful way to end the story! I like the way Andrew knew they could not afford new colored pencils for the contest and instead of giving up, he found a way to get through that hurdle. I liked that the teacher was able to convey to the child that had stolen the pencils, that it was known, and by doing so disqualified himself from the contest. Yet this was done in a way that did not humiliate him in front of the others. Excellent methods!

*Paw* Suggestions:
In an effort to keep my few suggestions neat, organized and easy to follow, I have created a dropnote list for you. Simply click on the "suggestions" link below to view it.

Suggestions

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A great story, with some great messages! It shares the idea of "where there is a will, there is a way", it shares that going about things in an unacceptable way is wrong, and will result in punishment and disappointment, It teaches integrity and teaches a lesson on earning the things one wants or needs. A definite keeper! With a bit of editing and polishing this story will SHINE!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
114
114
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews and WDC Power Reviewers!!!*PAW*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
It sports a cute, catchy title.


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
The character must have felt quite alone, based on this story. Caused me to wonder why there was an absence of relationship between her and her family. This struck me as a "revisiting" of a lonesome childhood. I wondered if possibly the character returned to this place to find some kind of closure.

*PawPrints*Flow:
In the beginning this story had a good flow, but as it went on, it became harder to follow clearly.

*PawPrints*Emotion:
I sensed (as stated above)a feeling of loneliness within the girl. She was creative in finding ways to occupy her time.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
There are a couple of areas in which this could flow smoother, if it were rephrased just a bit, such as this one:"The path from the front of the small brown shingled house, continued to the side, then led to the back of the house." Consider ways to shorten and strengthen the sentence. (The path originating from... wrapped around to the side, leading to the back yard.) This isn't a perfect example, but I thought I'd throw it out there to you as an idea. Another that could use rephrasing: "Outside is where she was comfortable."(She was comfortable when outdoors.)The other little thing is you have a space in front of an ending quotation mark. ("1515 1/2 Third Street. "As the address) just need to scoot the little guy over next to the period, then put your space in. *Smile*

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
This is a good story, with a very personal message being shared. I really enjoyed where you wrote of her gathering fruit while trying to avoid the spiders!*Shock* With just a bit of editing and polishing, it will shine like a jewel! Keep up the great work. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.*BigSmile*
Happy Holidays!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.
115
115
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews!!!*PAW*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
I saw your request for open and honest comments / feedback. The title grabbed me as well, because I myself did not have the most pleasant childhood.


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
Wow!*Cry* I have to say that this story just breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces! I think it is wonderful that you are writing this out. It may serve to be a form of healing for you, to some degree at least. My heart goes out to all of these tortured souls, but especially to you.

*PawPrints*Flow:
In all honesty, the flow needs quite a bit of work. With edits, some re-wording and a bit of polishing, this can be achieved. (I will share some suggestions shortly). I personally believe this writing is worthy of the effort it will take to get it polished up. Consider this your rough draft, once edited, it will shine!

*PawPrints*Emotion:
This writing is packed with emotional punches! Especially the latter part (to me anyhow) where you were forced to choose who you loved more, and to have to prove it in such a way that resulted in extreme cruelty to not only the dog, but to you! While my childhood was pretty messed up, I was never forced to do such painful and self damaging acts, thank goodness. I can only begin to imagine your pain. I felt such extreme sorrow, sadness and pain in your experiences. It made me want to just reach out to comfort you and help you heal. This is one of those writings, that I am sure will remain with me, as the reader for a very long time, if not eternally.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
I have several suggestions I would like to share. To make it more organized, I've arranged them in a dropnote list for you. Click the link below, and you will be able to view them. I sincerely hope you find my suggestions to be of value to you. If at any time you would like to talk to me about any of it, do not hesitate to contact me! While I am not the most accomplished writer, I truly believe I can share some helpful ideas.
Suggestions to assist you


*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Please know that when I rated this as I did, it had nothing to do with the content. It was based on the above information I shared in the suggestion area. I fully encourage you to keep at this, and shine it up and expand upon it. I think it is truly a writing that will be vital to your personal healing process, and something others need to read. Many think they have it hard...few realize how others have it harder. I am here if you ever want to bounce around thoughts or ideas. Thank you for sharing, what had to be a very difficult subject and childhood for you.


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
116
116
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
The title appealed to me and I am on a review raid!


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
This is a very intriguing and captivating story! great job! Thank you for sharing it.

*PawPrints*Flow:
This has a wonderful flow! It is an easy and enjoyable read!

*PawPrints*Emotion:
As the reader, I could Feel what is what like to be in this characters position. I could feel the hope when the link finally gave way. Then the pain at the sudden discovery of the loss of a friend and co-worker. Then to look into a face that you thought was only your own... WOW!

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
I'm sorry, but this is written so wonderfully, I can't even begin to make any suggestions other than: WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A wonderfully crafted, unique tale, that kep my interest throughout! Great job! Keep it up! You are an inspiration!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
117
117
Review of Skin and Bones  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Hello! I was on a Review raid and ran across this story title, but there's not much here to read!
What you do have so far sounds awesome, keep up the great work, and I look forward to reading this when there is more posted to it. The beginning makes one curious for sure!
I would love it if you let me know when this story is complete, so I can read it!
Happy Holidays to you!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
118
118
Review of Lost Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
The title drew me in!


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
Very well written, and keeps the interest of the reader.

*PawPrints*Flow:
Excellent flow. A nicely written piece that is a pleasure to read.

*PawPrints*Emotion:
I can strongly sense the frustration of the investigator as he tries to get the "Lost Girl" to talk to him. I also felt what must have been nothing short of shock, when she realizes her true identity is discovered.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
The only area I noticed that may need an edit is where you wrote: " ...abrasive décor designed specifically to prevent a suspect drifting off into a psychological void;..." (did you intend to put the word "from" in the sentence, between suspect and drifting?)

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Very well written, and makes me want to read the rest of the novel *hint hint...
Keep up the excellent writing! Love it! Happy Holidays!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
119
119
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*


Why I chose this piece to review: If it has to do with dogs, I'm there! Couldn't help myself!

Emotion: Okay .. so it's not really funny, but doggone it, it really is funny! I can imagine your fear when this giant dog is ready to show you who is boss. I can imagine the blush on your face, when your wife catches you in the act of donning a pair of panties! Nothing like being victimized twice! *BigSmile*

Overall Impression: Wonderfully written and never a lack of humor in this. Great job! I can see why it has placed you in two contests! Keep em coming! Thanks for sharing & have a happy holiday season.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
120
120
Review of In the Woods  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
A very imaginative piece! With a bit of polishing up it will be a wonderful read, not that it isn't pretty good as it stands...*Wink*

*PawPrints*Flow:
This story has a fairly good flow to it, but it could flow just a bit better with some minor editing.

*PawPrints*Emotion:
First, as a reader I could feel the tension between the couple. It wasn't long though, until fear took over.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
a few suggestions to help it flow smoother and read better:
*"It was already dark enough he was having trouble distinguishing..." Consider inserting the word "that" in between the words "enough" and "he".
*"but he had the impression he eyes never strayed..." I think your meant "her" not "he"?
*When talking about the smell, you used the word twice very close together. Maybe consider changing the second time it was used to another descriptive, meaning the same thing, like Odor perhaps?
*when you write " Jennifer also moved the beam of the flashlight from the tire to the edge of the forest." The word "also" doesn't really seem to belong there.
*Where you said "That was enough" I suggest finding a more powerful statement for that, in the midst of all the excitement, it seems bland!

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
All in all I think you have a great story in the makings here. as I said, just a touch of editing and polishing and you will have a great read on your hands with this one! Keep up the excellent work!
Happy Holidays!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
121
121
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
I Love to read Anne Rice! Your reference to her made me have to do this!


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
A concise, yet well written poem about regrets.

*PawPrints*Flow:
Very smooth and clean flow

*PawPrints*Emotion:
Oh, how I can so relate to what you have shared in this poem. I often believe the same of myself. BUT I find it a little sad, as it seems you are regretting that you will forever allow yourself to be bound in responsibility or even habit, and may not allow yourself to evolve as I KNOW you can!

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
You have this one life, don't let anything rob you of your dreams. If you must, just pursue them a bit slower than you'd like! This is one gift you can only give to yourself. Happy Holidays!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
122
122
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*




*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews & The Power Review Group!!!*PAW*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
Well, Elf Elle, first of all, because it was done by YOU! Second it was posted in the store as needing to be fulfilled, and third, because it is Power Review raid! Okay, so the title and description may have influenced me a bit too!


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
What can I say? WOW! This is probably the absolute best piece I have read thus far on this site. Creative, imaginative, playful, exciting... I want more! lol.

*PawPrints*Flow:
Purr-fect! Not once did I encounter anything that disrupted the lovely smooth and natural flow of this writing!

*PawPrints*Emotion:
I felt like I was right there with the kids and their silly pup! You put me right there in it!

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Make this a full blown book lady! It has so much to offer! What a neat concept of writing a story about writing a story, that puts the fictional writer exactly where he writes himself (and others) into it! So clever! I thoroughly enjoyed this story! Never give up the pure talent you are blessed with!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.
123
123
Review of On the Chance  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*



Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
A touching story of an unjustly forbidden love that tugs at the heart strings.

*PawPrints*Flow:
Beautifully written with nice descriptive wording that puts the reader right there. Flows very nicely!

*PawPrints*Emotion:
Pain, hope, anticipation, fear of rejection, and regret. These are some of the various emotions I perceived affecting the charaters in this story, which were captured by your words in a marvelously heart warming way.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
The only thing I really find here to make suggestions on are early on in the story when you are writing about why Carlie denied the invitations by friends to travel home with them for the holiday. You wrote "holding onto hope Mark would come." It may flow a bit better to add "that" to the line. Ex:holding onto hope that Mark would come. Or maybe even something like "Clinging to the hope of Marks arrival"

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Awesome short story! thank you for sharing your talent! Happy Holidays!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
124
124
Review of Crushes  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingr* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb* *Xmastree* *Candycaner* *Stockingb*Welcome to WdC Power Reviewer's December Sleigh-Raid *Xmastree* *Candycaneg* *Stockingb*




*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews!!!*PAW*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
I chose your work to review, because it just touched a place in my heart. Maybe brought back some old feelings of mine as well. I almost did not review this, because it is so close to your heart, and I don't like to suggest changes to work coming from such deep emotion. BUT I decided to go forward with it, because it is important enough to you, to put it into words, and I'd love to try to help you make it read a little smoother, if you'd like to.


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
Your heart has been broken by a person that you felt meant everything to you. I got the feeling you had to let out the emotion somewhere, and this was your avenue with which to do so.*Sad*

*PawPrints*Flow:
In the first few lines, the flow of rhyming words was very good. Toward the end, it became hard to read it in a smooth flowing way, as a poem should.

*PawPrints*Emotion:
I could not only feel your pain, but I could relate to it as well. My heart goes out to you.

*PawPrints*Suggestions:
Following line 8, the flow broke up. I am thinking more and more emotion from you was coming out, and you sort of lost the rhythm of it. Also, punctuation is needed at the end of each line, be it a comma or a period, which ever applies. Look at possibly rephrasing some of the latter lines to express your ideas, while allowing the flow to come back to life in this piece.

*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
A very deep and heartfelt piece. Go back over it. It will glitter and shine and allow it to have the impact upon the reader, that I know it has upon you. Keep up the great work, and never give up! Happy Holidays!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
125
125
Review of I Am Not a Hero  Open in new Window.
Review by Patrece ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*PAW*Hello from Patrece with Simply Positive Reviews!!!*PAW*


Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.

*PawPrints*Why I chose to review this work:
I chose this piece because the title caught my attention. A very modest statement, the title is, while hinting at something more important, for this disclaimer to be chosen as the title.


*PawPrints*Initial Impression:
I have to compliment you on your writing of this piece. It is clear that much work has gone into it's construction. It was effective at grabbing my attention, and holding it, throughout the story.


*PawPrints*Flow: For the most part the flow of this work is outstanding. There are a couple of places where I feel the wording could be changed , by only a word or two, and improve the flow a bit further. (I will give examples of this below in the "Suggestions" area.)

*PawPrints*Emotion:
It is very difficult not to like the main character almost immediately, as he is so modest, and it is evident that his concern over not being who the others think he is, distresses him tremendously. He clearly wants to produce what is expected of him, but does not believe the power is within him, yet does his best to come through. He tries to fake his way through arising situations, but is always honest with himself in the long run, even if he almost believes his own misleading behaviors. He suffers with regret.


*PawPrints*Suggestions:
There are a couple of areas where I thought a word or two could be changed to make the reading of this flow better.
*The Orness showed me the ancient scripts. Maybe consider changing the word "showed" (The Orness shared with me, the ancient scripts.)?
*While his brothers would be training me... Perhaps restating the 'would be' part. (were busy)?


*PawPrints*Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
AWESOME! You already have a fan in this reviewer! Great storyline, and wonderful presentation!


*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*



My review has been submitted to"The Newbie Academy Review Contest CLOSEDOpen in new Window.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
129 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 6 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/patrece/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5