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Public Reviews
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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: This is an easy flowing tale that tells an interesting story.

Opening: The first paragraph introduces a mystery, pulling the reader into the action until the end.

Plot: an interesting story idea that is well developed.

Scene/Setting: the setting is well done.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: Good characters with good interaction.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: A quick paced story filled with action.

Opening: The first few paragraphs set up the story well. The reader is pulled into the action.

Style and Voice: An easy reading style.

Scene/Setting: The setting is well done.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: The main character is well presented. The interaction with the other characters advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review of The Hood  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: The slightly dark comedic tone of this story makes it a delightful read.

Opening: the first paragraph sets the tone, and the reader is enticed to keep reading.

Plot: the idea is well developed throughout the story.

Style and Voice: there is an easy reading style, and the first person voice is very well done.

Scene/Setting: the setting is clear and well developed.

Characters: the main character is very well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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204
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Review of Death's Laundry  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: I enjoyed the easy reading style of this interesting story.

Opening: The first paragraph sets the scene quite well. The reader is pulled into the story and held attentive until the end.

Plot: the story is idea is developed quite well. My only suggestion is that at the end Death says, “. . . Anyway, see you soon!” I think this could be used to give the story an added twist.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: Interesting characters that make for a fun read.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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205
205
Review of blank blank blank  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: Wow! Great action that reads like the opening to a James Bond movie.

Opening: The first paragraph sets the scene very well. The reader is captured right away and held captive until the very end.

Plot: the plot is well set up and developed to the end.

Style and Voice: a fast paced style.

Scene/Setting: the scene is well established. Well done.

Dialogue: good dialogue that advances the story.

Characters: the main character is very well done.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review of A Thousand Hearts  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Your story is being reviewed for "Invalid Item

Note: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgment awarded will no longer be valid. Please do not edit until the contest results are announced.

Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

What I like: There is a manic pulse to this story that pushes the reader along to its horrific end.

Opening: The opening paragraph sets the dark tone of this story. The reader is pulled into the dark until the very end.

Plot: The plot is well set up and well developed until the end.

Style and Voice: An easy reading style, and it flows well.

Scene/Setting: More details could be added to the setting to enhance the story.

Characters: Strong characterization.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.


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Review of Eyes of Mist  
for entry "1 - Peaceful Days
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The prologue and first chapter serve well to set the atmosphere and characters for this story. The is good descriptive detail that bring this story into being. The characters are well developed. The dialogue helps to advance the story. By the end of the first chapter, the reader is enticed to continue.

suggestions


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Review of Quiet Yearning  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Overall impression: I like this poem that captures the desire of a couple to have a child. The hope and frustration come through crystal clear. Good word choices: someday soon, right now, time, so long, time progressed, yearning, hurting, hunger, pain, stabs, sad. My favorite stanza is the last one. It is very touching. Great poem.

Structure: Quatrain with twelve stanzas. The structure could be seen as symbolic of the number of months in a year. That the idea of this poem is a year long desire – year after year.

Rhyme: rhyme scheme is xbyb. Line 2 wait is not a perfect rhyme with L 4 traits.

Rhythm: This poem flows so smoothly.

Poetic devices: Alliteration – L 1, 3
Imagery – L 27, 28

suggestions


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Review of Pirate's Shanty  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall impression: This is a fun poem about pirates. It is well written. Good word choices that provide a visual picture: scour, pillage, dread, crackle, wail, eerie.

Structure: This is a Quatrain poem of seven stanzas.

Rhyme: The rhyme is aabb and is good for the most part. There are a few places where is not exact.

Rhythm: Very good rhythm that flows well

Poetic devices: There is good use of alliteration in line 2, L 8, L 17.

There is also good use of consonance: Line 7 day Line 8 play L 11 way. Line 9 price L 10 nice. L 13 share L 14 fare. L 15 creep L16 deep. L 21 bed L 22 dread.

There is good imagery in L 3, 4, 5, 6, 20, 23, 24

Metaphor – L 15 waves blanket and creep – this paints such a vivid picture. It is one of my favorite parts of the poem.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.



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Review of The Book  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This works well for an opening chapter. The idea that is presented creates a mystery that the reader desires to know more about. There is good descriptive detail and brings the story to life. The characters are interesting. Their conversation is written in a realistic manner and advances the story.

suggestions


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Review of The Void  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This story told in dialogue is well done. A man's plunge into madness is well described. The characters come across quite well.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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212
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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
What I like: This is a well crafted story that builds in suspense and tension as it goes along. It is well written with only a few errors. There is a strong emotional current running through the story that carries the reader along to a satisfying end.

Opening: The frantic feel of the first paragraph establishes the situation very well. The introduction of Marcy gives the reader a good insight into her character.

Plot: The description given for the story is a good summation of the plot. This idea is developed well.

Hook: For me, the first paragraph hooks me to the story. The reader is pulled intro the action until the end.

Style and Voice: There is a fast flowing smooth style. There is a strong emotional tone to the story where the reader if rooting for Marcy and Kayla.

Scene/Setting: I thoroughly enjoyed the dream sequence. The idea was well executed.

Dialogue: Good dialogue with a natural feel and advances the story.

Characters: All the character are used well to move the story forward. They come to life and tell their story.

suggestions


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Review of God's Telephone  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What I like: This is an excellent story of joy and sorrow of tragedy and hope. Good descriptions bring realism to this story. It is well written with only a few errors. The emotion of this story comes through loud and clear. The frustration of the mother is well portrayed. Her connection to her son is solid, and her devastation is like a hammer smashing her world. Then in the midst of pain, she finds hope.


Opening: A good opening scene that sets up a mystery as well as establishing characters. The reader is hooked right away and held captive until the end of the story.

Plot: finding hope in the midst of sorrow.

Style and Voice: Strong emotion permeates this story. It moves the reader to an emotional response. The style is easy to read and flows so well. Well done.

Characters: The characters are excellent. The mom does all the things mom's do. Her connection to her son is the backbone of this story. The son is like a typical kid – not seeing danger as an adult would. The story is so realistic in this protrayal.

Dialogue: excellent dialogue. The interchanges between characters sounds realistic, and it advances the story.

suggestions


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Review by Paul D
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This first chapter works well in that it introduces some of the interesting characters and a mystery. The words that are used give realism to a futuristic atmosphere. There is good detailed information that builds as the story goes along. The dialogue helps to advance the story. There are only a few errors - well done. By the end of the first chapter the reader is enticed to continue on to see what happens next.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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215
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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


I suggest to leave space between each paragraph to make for easier reading.

This story has a lot oc excitement in it. The details bring it to life. I would suggest to move the part about the car going off the road for the end. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions

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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an exciting action/adventure story. The myth is woven well. The dark aspects of the story make the conflict interesting. I enjoyed the characters their interaction is well done. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a fun story about the start of a relationship. There is a good descriptive detail that gives the story life. The two main characters have a give and take that feels realistic. The dialogue is used well to build the story. Introducing WDC as a part of the story was well done. This story flows well, which makes for a good read.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review of Minor Key  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What I like: This story captures the frustration and despair of a man disappointed by what he has found I life.

Opening: The first paragraph sets the tone of what the man looks for later in life and never finds. The character is not named, which could be taken as a hint that this story is not of a particular individual.

Plot: a man looks for satisfaction in life. The descriptive details of the story work out the plot quite well.

Style and Voice: there is an easy reading style, and the story flows smoothly.

Characters: the main character is well developed and carries the reader along from beginning to end. Well done.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a good and exciting follow-up to the first chapter. Descriptive detail brings this story to life. The characters are interesting and bring life to the story. The dialogue advances the story. Well done.

suggestions

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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great inventive story that is off to a good start with its first chapter. The reader is hooked by the end and enticed to want to keep reading. The character is interesting. I enjoyed the detailed descriptions that gave life to the story. Well done.

suggestions


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Review of Secret Identity  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! What can I say? Great characters that jump off the page and come to life. Very good descriptive detail, a great plot, and good writing make for an enjoyable story. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions

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222
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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


The idea for this story is well thought out and executed. There is good descriptive details that bring the story to life. The characters are well done. The dialogue advances the story. The ending is very good.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review of George Loses It  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great idea for a story. The plot is well developed, and the ending is great. The character was very well done. I enjoyed the dialogue, and it advances the story. When using italics for internal thought, the quotation marks are not needed.

suggestions


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Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a funny story with a message. The plot moves forward step by step in an interesting manner until the terrible end. The satire is well done. The characters are well developed and bring the reader into the story right away. The dialogue advances the story.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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Review of The Lie  
Review by Paul D
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This is a sad tale. There is good descriptive detail that brings the story to life. The characters are well developed. The story has a quick pace and easy read. The dialogue helps to advance the story. The ending is well done.

suggestions


When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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