*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/plansing/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
491 Public Reviews Given
723 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
51
51
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello FrmTheUniverse *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Your journal entry here was very...informative. I'm glad you opened up about trying to settle down. I'm sure you'll find someone. There is always that someone for everyone.

I always felt like being in a relationship with someone is defeating. I say defeating because all relationships lead to failure down the road. And with this failure comes consequences like for a guy, you have to pay child support until the kid reaches 18. Even if the woman cheats on you, you still have to pay. It's like the rules favor women by default leaving the guy with the heavy burden. I see a lot of guys on the streets, homeless because the ex-wife has taken everything. These were great men, but ravished by modern governing rules.

Happiness can be obtained in a relationship, but both individuals have to go through enormous trial and error process and that's something most struggle to do.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
There were a few, but I read for the message, not the grammar. Nice write!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
52
52
Review of Fleeting  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*StarY*Created by the lovely Leger. I thank-you once again. LEEEGGGER!!!*StarY*

Why I chose your piece?
It was given randomly to me through, "Read & Review."

What I think of it?
I think it lacks consistency or focus I should say. Each new stanza, there is a shift in the details of "this moment." It goes from thoughts to the breeze to the distant planets orbiting. I would only focus on "the moment" and the emotions that is complimented by the beautiful background scenery of nature.

Any errors or mistakes?
No typos or punctuation errors. Nice job!


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell
53
53
Review of Plans  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jacky *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I really like your story. It sounds like a rich guy's romance story; where he marries some hot teenager barely turned 18 and he's like 36 or 40. I like the ending where Jeff left her in the elevator as he went off to go make "plans," only to underestimate his wife Janice, who fixes the elevator, exits, and begins making "plans" of her own. Very well done! I'm impressed.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
2nd Paragraph, Last Sentence: They were going to a party tonight, one of Jeff’s oldest friends so he couldn’t get out of it. Dread.

Revise this to, "They were going to a party tonight. It is one of Jeff's oldest friends and he couldn't get out of it. Dread!"



An image for WDC Power Reviewers
54
54
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Don Two *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I like it! It has a chorus that is strong and meaningful. It is complemented well by the other verses/stanzas. It read like a poem should. Your flow is great. Great font use here too (I don't always say that). What can I say? You have a great poem written here. Nice job!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's absolutely perfect! Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
55
55
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hello A Cassandra. *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I think you should go back and proofread this. You have a few errors such as missing punctuation marks.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Sentence: it is possible for Kia to be the biological farther of Joys baby.

2 errors, "farther" and "Joys." "Farther" suppose to be, "father." "Joys" suppose to be, "Joy's."

Sentence: Every one there goes on the run from the clubs mobster boss

"clubs" should be with an apostrophe 's.'

Sentence: Maggie Joy and Kia are being driven, through dairy farms, by Maggies mother.

Missing commas after each name. The second portion of the second, "Maggies" should be, "Maggie's."



An image for WDC Power Reviewers
56
56
Review of I fall...  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Princess Zelda *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Very creative! This poem is an absolute art. I would consider this a masterpiece in both literature and art. The poem itself is really well-done. The fact that you encased it in a tear-drop frame makes it even more significant. It's immersive and encapsulating. I really can't find the words. I guess one word to summarize your masterpiece would be...beautiful.

PS: I love the Legend of Zelda series/games. I find your username pretty awesome.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, there's no error to this perfection. Write on!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
57
57
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BakaBellflower *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I took it seriously, and I had to go to my priest and request for an exorcism and a gallon of holy water.

I liked your poem. It has great vibes...and a great flow. I love your second stanza, particularly with these verses:

For the people who are figuring it out
It could mean dishonesty,
For the people who claim to see it
And it could mean intelligence,
For those who aren’t fooled by the dishonest

There's some tiers or hierarchy created here with this portion on the stanza that plays to each verse's strength. Nicely done!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
58
58
Review of nov 14, 2018  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello feyre st. clair *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Your poem is a bit confusing to me. Verses such as, "It's none of it real." I believe question marks should have been on two verses as well: she's cold, isn't she. dead. isn't she.

I think a few slight revisions are needed to make this poem truly reach its fullest potential.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
The, "i's" in your poem are lower-cased. Is this intentional?

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
59
59
Review of Whistle Stop  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Jatog the Green *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I love it! This is how I like my poems, story-telling with a lingering nagging problem. Your poem is about a stewardess Angel Witsend having this problem of whistling Dixie. I can't say I relate considering if something stays in my head, it's usually a song lyric, but even then it doesn't hinder my performance the rest of the day.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's perfect!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
60
60
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dr M C Gupta *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Your poem was given to me randomly through, "Read & Review."

I love it! It is definitely a great poem read to start your day with. Perhaps an individual is going through dark times in his/her life. This poem exemplifies that. It gives hope to those that may think all is lost.

We all go through some aspect of this "dark tunnel." Not many though, see the light at the end of the tunnel.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it has reached a level of perfection! Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
61
61
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Anni Pon *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Yes, we should take a moment to address the tragedies that has occurred. Politicians talkin' about gun control for the billionth time. Even if you take away assault rifles, that doesn't mean assault rifles disappear on the streets. People who already own can continue to sale and use with very little penalty so what's the point of gun control when there is no control at all. Although, I have to say having some sort of gun ban would reduce shootings by at least 30% because most of these recent shootings were the result of the gunner recently purchasing the gun. Great write!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's perfect! I love it!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
62
62
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Dr M C Gupta *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
You have a great poem here touching on the topic of domestic violence. Yes, it's true that domestic violence is a huge problem. It comes down to the age old question of: Why does a man hit his wife? Well, many things can be said, but I think communication issues is the focal point. A man just doesn't understand a woman's thoughts and desires. A man assumes that a woman is wired or programmed in the same manners of masculinity, but that is far from the truth. Anyhow, great write!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's well written. Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
63
63
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Maryann - House Martell *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I love haiku's! They're so short in length that it would seem easy to write, but they aren't. I love your poem here about a cow with horns. I always imagine a cow with horns to be a devil cow. Then I realized those were only my ex-girlfriends *Rolling*. In all honesty, great write from 2002. Thanks for sharing!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's fantastic! MOo-moO

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
64
64
Review of Not Inferior  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Vaishali *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I stumbled upon your poem by accident... ...okay, it was no accident, it was intentional. I was perusing through your portfolio/work and saw the title, picture, and sub-heading. It was like a magnet pulling me in or like the Heaven's above calling me to it.

As a man, I can see your points. Your points/arguments are very true, especially outside the United States. Most countries belittle women. Rules, laws, and regulations keep women from emerging to their fullest potential. It's really sad to see. Someone once said to me that men only want women as slaves. I have to agree. I read a lot on human trafficking and many men view women as commodity goods rather than human beings.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
The only verse I have a problem with is: And another will become your better half human. I find it awkwardly written. Maybe switch around, "half" and "human."

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
65
65
Review of Everything To Me.  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Spiritual Dawning *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
[Mic Drop]...Let's go home! Write that check and let's go home!

Now, here's a fantastic poem that really resonates with lost and hope. Lost, in the cared ones who have passed over the years. Hope, in the sense that you will always find them looking up into the skies.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, you wrote a masterpiece here! Write on!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
66
66
Review of A pool of Ink  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ana B. *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Welcome to Writing.com! Your prologue is written well. I was intrigued. I think you should go further and develop a full-fledged novel or story. It's a nice write so far.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
The only error or typo I found is with the first sentence. The question mark is spaced out too far. Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
67
67
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Alyse Clayton *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I'm sorry your letter was disheartening. I will give you a *Hug1**Cry**Hug2*. Despite the woes in life, things can be planted again. As we age and grow in experience, we begin to become calculated like a Grandmaster in chess.

I feel your letter to Granny is more of a letter to yourself. It is something that can be revisited years from now to see how much growth and happiness has unfolded/blossomed.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
None, it's an amazing write! Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
68
68
Review of Billy The Kid  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello cody blue *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Welcome to Writing.com!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Billy The Kid ,

Remove this, it's not needed. You already have a title at the very top.

The most famous outlaw was shot and killed in a surprise attack---and his sprit Refuses to let the BETRAYAL Go.

The word, "sprit" is a typo. I think you meant, "spirit."

Blamed for killing 21 people , Its a proven fact maybe a half a dozen.
His crime spree though out New Mexico territory cut short but bitter sweet.

At the age of 18 he made his first kill a blacksmith who insulted him.

While on the run he joined the regulator, taking out 3 men in Lincoln county including the Sheriff , only brought more trouble for the kid

REVISE TO:

Blamed for killing 21 people, It's a proven fact; maybe a half a dozen.
His crime spree through out the New Mexico territory was cut short, but bitter sweet.

At the age of 18 he made his first kill, a blacksmith who insulted him.

While on the run he joined, "The Regulators," taking out 3 men in Lincoln County including the Sheriff, which brought more trouble for The Kid.


An image for WDC Power Reviewers
69
69
Review of Wolfer  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SJ Longtaile *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you find your stay here very relaxing/rejuvenating.

Your poem is a great piece. I enjoyed the use of a wolf to pay homage/tribute to the fallen hero. My only criticism would be on the fallen hero. I feel more development is needed to give the reader a bit more detail than what is already given. I'm not saying write a whole stanza, but a couple of words or verses mentioning the fallen hero or his line of work would suffice.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Punctuation and grammar-wise, it's well written. Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
70
70
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello drifter *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
Your story is very touching, but isn't universal. I'm not christian. I went to a christian school for a year in high school and did go to church in that brief time, but I never considered myself one with the Lord.

My problem with prayer and Christianity, in general, is that too many people solely rely on the prayers and beliefs. They feel that western medicine or science are redundant. This is dangerous as many will refuse doctor orders and ignore common sense in an attempt to have their religion heal them fully.

I don't have a problem with people being Christians. I have a problem with people believing that only the Lord supersedes and cures all. This also leads to scam artists aka faith healers dangerously advertising "miracles" in replace of scientific research/medicine.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
There were several errors in the first paragraph, but I feel this piece was primarily written to promote Christianity.

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
71
71
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Tim Chiu *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I'm not sure what to critique here specifically. Usually prose poems are lengthy and full of research or facts. It's almost like an essay in poetry format. This is of course, based on the ones I've read. I'm no expert or professional. I'm only speculating here. Your poem is more of a preach type-of-speech than a research one. I have to say, it is good for what is presented, but I believe a bit more expansion is needed to truly grasp the idea/message/concept you are iterating.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Punctuation and grammar wise, there's none that I found. Keep on writing!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
72
72
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello SandraLynn Team Florent! *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
For a contest entry poem, I got to give your credit. You weren't afraid, you went for it in this poem. I can see the creativity and inspiration soaring in the perspective of your Jack O' Lantern's voice. Nice write!

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Verse: my mouth is a wee bit new.

I would replace, "new" with "sticky" as it does create a better flow and makes a bit more sense.

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
73
73
Review of D is for Monkey  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello Ezekiel Stephens *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I wasn't sure what to make of this. It just felt like a general snippet 'in-my-dream' story of the main character either dreaming or hallucinating on drugs. I couldn't really call it a fully developed story as more development is needed like character development and environment details. As is, it reads like an opening to a novel where the main character is dreaming and will soon wake after he/she sees the monkey/creature.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
So, I climb up on the single grooved metal step and then inside.

This sentence needs more clarity. It is the last portion, "then inside" that creates confusion and vagueness. I would revise it to something like, "I climb up on the single grooved-metal step and then I climb to the inside."

Monkeeeyyy... comes back the echo.

Again, same problem with this sentence as it is confusing and awkwardly stated. Consider revising to, "Monkeeeyyy...echos in the background."

Unknown terrors are behind my eyes, terrible memories are on my peripherals, and then in front of me: Monkey.

The last part of this sentence bothers me. I don't think you should use a colon and then the word, "Monkey." I think you should use multiple periods with the word monkey in lowercase such as, "and then in front of me... ...monkey." If you want to get more creative, you can create an echo-type effective with monkey.

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
74
74
Review of Dating is gone  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Kilo *Smile*
THOUGHTS:
I was iffy about this poem. A part of me wanted to like it, but a part of me didn't. What I didn't like about the poem is that it's too preachy with little substance. Preachy in poems are fine when they have relevance such as the beginning of a battle, the rebellion of a group or cause, etc. The things I did like about your poem are the topics and your thoughts/assessment on these topics.

HAPPY MISTAKES:
Zip, it's error-free!

An image for WDC Power Reviewers
75
75
Review of Happiness  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello E

My Thought(s):
There's a reason why this poem gets a consistent 5-star rating because it is a 5-star perfection!

My Favorite Part(s):
Verse: growing up and away, our endings in the sky, our leaves green without memories.

You see how poetic this sounds? It's calming much like the harmony of a symphony.

My Suggestion(s):
None, it's perfect; can't mess with perfection. Nice on!

Here is a beautiful sig created by...uh...Emilee? Yeah, we'll go with that, Emilee.

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
by Maryann - House Martell
248 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 10 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/plansing/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3