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26
26
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Hi Kaya ! Very nice little story. I wasn't quite sure who the guy was going to turn out to be. I thought maybe some sorcerer or something. I really like how you described him and the bar. Great job! After finding out who he was, I'm surprised that he let the girl live. But I'm glad that he isn't completely bad and was able to let one person survive. That shows that he's not some flat character who only knows death, but he feels for others too; making him a more rounded person.

Other Comments
I think you need a comma in the last sentence of the first paragraph, after filled and before stayed

indicision is spelled indecision

...out of site. I think in this usage, site should be sight

Again, great job with this!

Please feel free to use any and all comments that you feel are most helpful to you. If you have any questions, let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
27
27
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi JACE - House Targaryen ! I enjoyed reading this. This subject is definitely one that the world needs to think about and take notice, before something like this happens. What made this so powerful is in the reality and immediateness of the times. We don't like to think that something like this could happen, but you've written it well, making it seem like it could.

Other Comments
I never wanted to be an anarchist Awesome first sentence. This kind of powerful sentence really sets the tone for the whole piece. It's sad that the narrator knows of his own demise, but it's interesting that he doesn't mind it. His death is for the greater good.

Great descriptions, I can't think of anything that I would add or change. I just hope that everything turns out okay.

Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
28
28
Review of Chapter 1  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Hi Raven Filling Up Her Port! ! This is a great start for this story. You have a gift with words. Your descriptions and mannerisms of the characters make them pop off the page. The dialogue especially helps this to come alive. I really like George; he seems like a fun guy. I only wish he were my best friend. *Bigsmile* I'm really curious as to what's going to happen, what it was that was delivered, and if they'll run into any trouble in the future.

Other Comments
In the sentence, "You-wait-what do you mean 'left an inch and a half from the altar?'" The question mark should be in between the single and double quotation marks, since it's not part of what she said. ...altar'?"

I like the way George described Jane, good job.

You're missing a comma after sorry in "I'm sorry" George interrupted,

Again, this is a really great start. I wish you luck with this story. Awesome work!

Please feel free to use any and all comments that you feel are most helpful to you. If you have any questions, let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
29
29
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall Impression
Hi Izabelle ! This prologue of sorts really intrigues me. I'm really curious as to what will happen to the baby and whether or not it grows up to be like its father. I especially like your second sentence, describing the sounds and time of year. This is a great start. I hope you keep going with this.

Other Comments
was hanging is a passive voice, I think it might sound better as hung. An active verb helps show what's happening in the story and can bring the reader in.

warped I believe is a typo for wrapped

were shining Again, this is also passive and tends to keep the reader at arm's length. It might work better as shone, but that it entirely up to you.

You need a comma in between 'her' and 'pointy' in underneath her pointy stones. Without the comma, it seems to run together and doesn't quite sound right.

got pierced , got should be was. For me, I think that sentence could be a little more powerful if you used a couple stronger words. For instance, instead of pierced use impaled and instead of pointy stones use jagged rocks. That's entirely up to you, though.

Will in the second to last sentence, I think should be Would

Remember to try and use as many active verbs as you can to help bring the reader into the story. Sometimes, of course, you can't help but use 'was' and 'were,' I know I do it all the time.

The words you use can make or break a story. Using stronger words can help the reader to see and feel the events of the story. To help you, dictionary.com can be useful, or most word processing programs have thesauruses that can give some interesting words that we normally wouldn't think of.

This is a really good start, keep going with this!

Please feel free to use any and all comments that you feel are most helpful to you. If you have any questions, let me know. As always, write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
30
30
Review of Carol singing  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Overall Impression
Hi Uday Kanth ! Good job with this. I felt really bad when that car exploded in the beginning. I couldn't believe that Mrs. Strauss would do such a thing, but then I like that you explained her reasons in the end. Good use of dialogue. You have some great descriptions of the house and of Jason.

Other Comments
The third sentence of the first paragraph after the prologue, the one starting, 'Inside their minibus,' seems a little long to me. I think you might try ending the sentence at, '...a rather difficult song.' and then making the rest another sentence.

"Let's go" needs a period.

In the fourth paragraph, there are a couple places where you use is. I think it should be was since the rest of the story has been in past tense, and takes should then be took

You're missing the 'd' in Joy to the World and is O! Come the whole title?

You need a comma after Moss in 'greeted Mr. Moss'

'...knew we are coming...' are should be were

'...it's not good...' it's should be it wasn't

You need commas after here and Ben in the line, "Something's odd around here,"

Mrs. Strauss' seemed to be a little rude, but I suppose what Mr. Moss said must have come as quite a shock

Near the end, you say 'He was pearly white.' and then say again that a white glow emanated from him. You could just say, A pearly white glow emanated... and then you don't have to repeat yourself.

Caroling in the dead of night seems a little odd to me, especially for young kids. I wouldn't think that the people would like being awoken from sleep. We've never had carolers in my town, so I don't know much about the practice.

Please feel free to use any and all suggestions that you feel are most helpful to you. If you have any questions, let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
31
31
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I enjoyed reading this. You don't really think about parakeets being scary in the day time. Again, I especially like poems that have a story to them. I feel as though I can watch the story unfold and you've done a great job with this one.

Other Comments
Good job with the rhythm and the rhyme scheme. Following these helps this poem to flow nicely and makes it easy to read.

I had to chuckle at the end when it said, 'death by paper cut!' and then, 'I'm no longer panic stricken/ when passing by Pet Stores or Kentucky Fried Chicken.' I suppose it I was attacked by a flock of birds, I be afraid of poultry too!

Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
32
32
Review of Three Wishes  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! This is a really sweet and charming poem. I really enjoyed the story behind it and how everything didn't go quite as planned. How clever of you to switch around the words so that it fits in with the rhyme. I had to laugh at the very end.

Other Comments
The rhyme scheme and rhythm of this really help to give it a lighter feel. This really seems to flow along. I also like how you've integrated dialogue into the poem; it brings this poem to life!

I just love the end! Good luck in the contest! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
33
33
Review of Dark Vows  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! Hello again! Now it's my turn to flood your inbox with reviews!! I really enjoyed this. You've done a great job with such a limited word count. This really seems to convey that sense of longing.

Other Comments
You've taught me a new word! Now that I know what candent means, it really pumps up a visual picture for me.

There is no image showing. I wonder what it looked like. It would be interesting to see how the poem reads with the image with it.

In the second stanza, I'm not sure how I feel about sensually. I think I'd prefer sensuality, but that's your choice.

Again, great job. I know how difficult word limits can be. I hope that my comments can be of help to you, and if you have any questions, let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
34
34
Review of Melody of Madness  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! Congratulations on being the featured author! I really enjoyed reading this. The warmth of her seems to stand out from the cold of winter. I also like how it seems to have an open ending that leaves the reader to wondering. Good job!

Other Comments
This poem flows really nicely. You've chosen some great words to convey how her ghost haunts. I especially like, 'A tattoo of ice crystals' and 'the melody of loneliness'

There are a couple spots in the third stanza that could probably use a comma, but that's only a preference of mine; I like to use a lot of commas. But really this good just as it is.

Again, great job with this! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
35
35
Review of Deathly-Tail  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Overall Impression
Hi mininessie ! Cute username! This is an original storyline and has much potential. You also have some good descriptions. Isadora's first few years make me curious as to her future and what other trouble her tail is going to give her. I have given you 2.5 stars because of some typos and other grammatical snafus which I have below. I hope you keep working with it.

Please remember that these comments are given in the spirit of helpfulness and are not meant to discourage you from writing. Reviews are meant to show you what you can improve upon and catch any errors that you may have missed.

Other Comments
'Your daughter she has A... A...' If the doctor is saying this, there should be quotations around it and I don't think the 'A's need to be capitalized since they're in the middle of the sentence. I also think this sentence could use a comma after 'daughter'

I'm a little confused about when Isadora's tail emerged. Was she born with it?

The fourth sentence of the first paragraph seems a little long. I think for dramatic emphasis, it would be better as two. Something like: Something was wrong with her little girl, something the doctor didn't want to tell her. The longer he waited, the more scared she became.

You need a comma after sighed at 'The doctor sighed "Isadora...'

'It a very...' It should be It's or It is

'...there child.' In this usage, there should be their In the first two sentences of the second paragraph.

'...made her situation worst.' worst should be worse

There is a missing beginning quotation for Katie's dialogue in the third paragraph.

'Isadora was not yet two years old was showing...' This is a little awkward. You can either take out the first 'was' or add an 'and' before the second 'was' Isadora, not yet two years old was showing... or Isadora was not yet two years old, and was showing

In the fourth paragraph, the sentence starting, 'Katie called again...' seems a little long and I think could be broken up into two sentences or there needs to be a semi-colon after answer

Fifth paragraph:
*Bullet*The explanation of what is on the floor needs to have a comma, I think, before it. Isadora's room was a small room that was quite messy, toys of all kinds on the floor.
*Bullet*The second sentence needs commas. Whenever you have lists, you need to separate the items with commas. The items that are names of shows should be capitalized and either underlined or have quotations around them.
*Bullet*'Isadora had just turned years old...' How old?

'Look at her daughter..." Look should be She looked

mommy in this usage (I'm ok mommy) should be capitalized since you can replace it with a proper name.

'After she had collected her she...' I'm having difficulty following who is doing what in this section. You might consider stating who is doing the collecting. The sentence after this one is a little confusing as well. '...years she has had...' Since the story is in past tense, has isn't grammatically correct. You might try rewording that sentence.

'This was the first time in a long time...' mentioning 'time' twice so close together seems a little repetitive. Try using a synonym for 'time' in the second spot; like while or something like that. I'm not quite sure why Katie wouldn't see her own daughter's tail. She should be bathing and clothing her daughter every day, so she should know its growth rate.

'The kitchen was a small room. That resembled...' This should be one sentence.

'black marble granite' I don't think it's possible to have a counter top of both marble and granite. In a kitchen situation, granite is more likely

I'm a little confused about her age. Kindergarten age is usually five or six. If Isadora is only seven years old or so, I wouldn't think that she would be tall enough to reach the cupboards with her tail. 'As she used her tail...' That sentence, I think, needs to be joined with the previous sentence, or As should be something else.

'...schools actually...' should be school's actual

'Isadora stepped out of the car and stepped...' you don't need the second stepped

'...some of which Isadora liked she passed...' This part of the sentence either needs a comma or be separated into two. I think for the sake of length, the sentence should end at ...some of which Isadora liked.

'...kindergarten room. Where...' There is no need to end the sentence here, this way, the second sentence doesn't make sense.

'Hello Katie," said to Isadora's teacher. I think the quotation is in the wrong spot.

'...out form behind...' I think you mean from

'...her mom as when her teacher...' you don't need both as and when

Showing that she doesn't bite. This really isn't a complete sentence and should be joined with the one after it.

'...made at her mom...' I think you mean mad

The you in "you be good Isadora," needs to be capitalized.

'The classroom the room was a buzz.' I'm not quite sure what you mean.

I think Aome is a typo

'...at isadora A long silence..." isadora needs to be capitalized and you're missing a period at the end of the sentence.

'Confused Isadora Questioned.' You need a comma after 'confused' and 'Questioned' doesn't need to be capitalized.

'Her teachers smile...' teachers is possessive and needs an apostrophe teacher's

You need a comma after 'Ms. Zorski asked,' and her dialogue needs commas or should be more than one sentence; like: "Isadora, surely you have a daddy. A daddy is like a mommy, only he is a man."

it's in "it's a tail." needs to be capitalized

"Yeah there is is missing an end quotation, and you're missing the beginning one of what the class starts chanting.

'Isadora closed her eyes she thought she block the hatred around her by not seeing it.' The middle of this sentence is a little unclear.

You need a period at the end of, "Where are you taking me?" She asked

The Its in "Its okay Isadora..." needs an apostrophe It's

sort in "sort of." needs to be capitalized.

'...Isadora felt his sensation.' is his a typo? I'm not sure what you mean here. I think Isadora is a little young to be experiencing sexual sensations. It might help to expand on what happens to Isadora here.

'...her teacher thought her...' I think thought should be though

'Isadora feared to answer get teacher...' Do you need a comma here? I'm not sure how 'get teacher' fits in.

In the last full paragraph, you have whe which I think must be a typo for when

'Isadora's tail was wrapped around Ms.Zorski's leg trying to suffocate her.' Are you sure you don't mean neck? You can't suffocate someone through their leg.

At the very end, you have stat I think you mean state

Remember to watch your tenses. The majority of this story is in past tense, but there are several spots where you switch, and it makes the sentences a little difficult to understand. One example is in the middle, you have She slowly pops out from behind her mom, and is about to enter the classroom... now pops and is are present tense verbs and are inconsistent with your form and should be popped and was. So just be careful of that.

Again, please don't be discouraged by the star rating and all of these suggestions. I want to help you improve this and I hope that my comments can do that for you. If you have any questions, please let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
36
36
Review of Crimson  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Overall Impression
Hi Troika ! This is a good start. Fantasy is one of my favorite genres. You have some good descriptions that I think would benefit with a little expansion. Keep going with this, it has potential. Auret seems to have had a hard life, I hope that things will get better for him.

Other Comments
"Bashing the face of this Kavera, before morphing into Wolf." I think this sentence is missing a subject, the second half seems incomplete.
"...growling and teeth, bear to the silver moonlight..." sounds a little confusing to me, I'm not sure if the comma is in the right place. bear means to support something, do you mean bare, like they're baring or exposing their teeth?
"Auret's adversary lunged at Auret." you don't need to mention the name twice, it sounds a little repetitive. The second one could be a pronoun (her/him) depending on the character's gender.
"...only one pack per Wolf that is why there was..." I think there should be a comma after 'Wolf' there is a natural pause there, but there is nothing to show that. was should be were. To make this scene more powerful, you could describe what Auret sees in the camp. You tell of the things littering the ground, but I'd like to see a little more detail.
"...weapon smith, could build weapons..." with the comma there, it doesn't quite work, it might need a pronoun, but without it, it would read just fine. Otomo; the master weapon smith could build weapons... or Otomo, the master weapon smith, he could build...
"He was somewhat of a scrawny one but his talents are what we kept him for." You switch perspectives at the end. To keep it in third person, it would be more like: ...talents were what they kept him for
"Auret had did the battle go?" had should be how
"Her specialties in recon and healing;" With just that, I feel as though it leads into something else, for instance, 'her specialties in recon and healing were invaluable.' Or that part needs another word, Her specialtieswerein recon and healing;
"...Wolf form isn't..." Since the story has been in past tense, isn't should be wasn't
"...yet she has impassive..." has should be had to keep with the current tense.
"Jack specializes..." specializes should be specialized
"Jack can hit..." can should be could
settlemants is spelled settlements
restin when words are shortened like this in slang, you need an apostrophe to show where a letter was removed restin'
"...suns position..." suns is possessive here and needs an apostrophe sun's
"...fur is so black you can barely..." remember to keep your tenses consistent. is and can should be was and could There are other spots in that paragraph where the tense changes, so be careful of that.
"...growing up so fast. They must..." these two sentences should be one, the period breaks the phrase in the middle of it.
"Grace she..." You only need one of these for the subject of the sentence.
In the sentence, "Auret entered the tent..." you say his name again at the end of it, it seems a little repetitive, you can replace it with a pronoun to shake things up. him
"We will make." Make what?
I'm not sure if regnant is the right word in the last sentence with the word "but" before it. Regnant means controlling and dominating, I think that the last part of the sentence might need a little rewording in order for 'regnant' to work.

This is a good start, don't let the rating discourage you. Remember to keep your tenses consistent throughout the story. I hope that my comments can be of help to you, and if you have any questions, let me know. Keep writing!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
37
37
Review of Discovery  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Welcome to WDC! This is a very nice poem. You've chosen some great words to describe the things that are in the journal without actually using the word. Your rhyme scheme really helps this flow really nicely. I enjoyed reading this. Good job!

Other Comments
"To who belongs..." I believe who should be whom since you're referring to the object (the life) and not the subject.
The color of the font is a little difficult to see, you might consider making it a little darker.

Again, good job and I wish you luck in the contest. If you have any questions, let me know. Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
38
38
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Hi croaton ! This is a very interesting prologue. Your great descriptions have made me curious as to what happens next and how the Third World War got started. This time period makes me think of the The Matrix trilogy, with the people being hatched and the ruined planet. Eirelav seems like a very real character, I'm rooting for her.

Other Comments
The sentence starting, "In Grade School," is missing a period at the end.
"Some however, survived, and was now..." I think was should be were
Other than those two things, I couldn't see any spelling of grammatical errors.

Again, this is a great start! Write on!!!

*Star* I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND! *Star*
39
39
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I am a fan of dark poetry. I admire authors who can convey such powerful emotions without saying a lot. You've done a great job doing just that. You have chosen some great words and used them well to convey a feeling. I almost fear for my life!

Other Comments
This flows really nicely. I especially like the third stanza and the fourth, and the first one's good too and the fifth. *Bigsmile* But seriously, I think the lines: "Voices crying incantations/ from a place within my fears" hit me the most. It sort of brings all your worst fears to life and readies you for the worst that's about to come.

Awesome work! Write on!!!

*Star* I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND! *Star*
40
40
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Hi Royal Court Jester ! I don't usually read lyrics, but I thought I'd give this one a read since I'm quite partial to dark poetry. You've chosen some great words, and just reading it, it sounds so angry and dark. I especially like the line, "Then fuel ignites the passionate rage." I almost feel like I need to run and hide after reading this. *Bigsmile*

Other Comments
This almost seems like a song that should be sung by a heavy metal, thrasher band like Metallica or something. I don't follow heavy metal, so that's the only band I can think of right now. I can hear lots of heavy guitar riffs, and they're yelling so much that you can barely hear the lyrics.


Great job! Write on!!!

*Star* I'm Striking Out in the Summer BOWL-A-RAMA with THE TALENT POND! *Star*
41
41
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overall Impression
Welcome to WDC! This is a very nice start for this story. You have some very nice descriptions. I'm really rooting for Aella to triumph over her problems and finally be able to use the power she has suppressed. I'm curious to read more about her and if she can save the rest of her people. Good job!

Other Comments
The sentence starting, "With one Elemental already..." seems like it could be two sentences (or it needs a comma), it seems to run together somewhere in the middle. It could go: "...going to be desperate to find her, seeing as she was, as far as she knew..."
"He is lucky she thought." needs a comma to separate the thought from the rest. He is lucky, she thought

Sometimes, to separate a character's inner thought from the rest of the text, I italicize it. That way, there's a visual difference that breaks it up from the regular text. It you're not sure how to do that, all you do it put {i} in front of what you want italicized and then {/i}at the end. So {i}italics rule{/i} would look like this italics rule

I wish you luck with this story and your other writing endeavors here at WDC. If you have any questions at all, feel free to let me know. Keep writing!


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by A Guest Visitor
42
42
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
Chapter 12 was definitely exciting. Your descriptions continue to be amazing and I'm curious to find out if the Arabs will get their hands on the book and if Francois and Delilah will survive. I'm on the edge of my seat! Great job!

Other Comments
Chapter 12
There's a quotation mark that is over one space too many in the paragraph starting, "Cold and unemotional, Amjad replied..."
Even though their lives are on the line, I find it amazing that Delilah can still keep two thoughts together to try and work her sexuality to their advantage.
Chapter 13
I can't think of anything that I would change. I feel bad for Judas; he seems to be the only one in the band who isn't sure about what they're about to do. We're getting more insight into other things that are going on, and it's getting closer to the concert date.

Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
43
43
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Welcome to WDC! Just to let you know, usually, all caps signifies yelling. I think it would help this story if you used regular type.
"After spending the hectic day Tammanna was ready to go to the bed, thinking what she did for the whole day she slept." This sentence seems a little long. You don't need "the" in "go to the bed." What would make this more interesting is if we knew what made her day hectic. The second half of that sentence is a little confusing. Can you be specific as to what she was thinking? The way it is, it sounds like she slept the whole day. You need more punctuation in the second sentence. The sentence could end after "an unknown number." Sometimes short sentences can be better than long ones; they tend to show a sense of urgency.
"...she recieved the call.." recieved is spelled received and you've all ready stated that she got a phone call, so it might sound better if she answered.
"There was a guy asking if she recognises him or not???" This isn't really a question. Can you mention more of what he said?
"She denied and try to put..." try should be tried
The last sentence is also a little long and should be broken into at least two.

If you decide to continue this, it might help to tell how Tammanna is feeling towards this phone call. Is she confused, angry? Does the caller sound drunk or scary? As of right now, I'm not sure where the backstabbing is, the call seems more of a prank. I hope that this won't discourage you from continuing to write. We can only get better if we practice. I hope that my suggestions can be of some help to you. If you have any questions, let me know. Keep writing!


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by A Guest Visitor
44
44
Review of Inside  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall Impression
Welcome to WDC! This is a very interesting idea. There aren't many stories that talk about demons possessing people from the demon's perspective. It's like the little demlings are going off to school for the first time. I like that the demlings ask questions that they've all ready asked before and how Iymia gets a little frustrated with them. I'm curious to read more about Jerya and what happens to her.

Other Comments
There's a missing ending punctuation at the end of the sentence starting, "When do we start, Iymia?"
The paragraph starting, "I have a question, Iymia!" needs to be separated since there is more than one person talking-it's a little difficult to tell who is saying what when the dialogue is in the same paragraph. The same goes for the paragraph starting, "Will you wait for me?"
frezy do you mean frenzy?

This is a great start. I wish you luck with the contest and the rest of this story. If you have any questions, let me know.

Keep writing!


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by A Guest Visitor
45
45
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
I found this is the Author's Newsletter and was curious about it. This is an awesome guide. Everyone needs help with something, and this seems to have everything that a writer could ever be curious about. You've done a great job with explaining the differences between US and Britain writing styles and the common problems that writers have.

Other Comments
I also really enjoyed the links you give to people's works that are relevant to what you're trying to explain. I definitely learned a few things while reading this. Even though I consider myself a fairly good speller, it's always nice to review things, just in case.

Awesome work! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
46
46
Review of One More Spring  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Another great poem. Again, I really like how this tells a story and you've done a great job with showing all the signs of spring and how someone can be looking forward to the new season. I like how it's centered on the page; it gives it that extra visual stimulation along with the story it tells.

Other Comments
I think this is one of my favorite rhyme schemes. I don't know why. I think it seems to flow so much easier than some of the other rhyme schemes and it pushes me along to the next line where I'm eager to read what words have been chosen. I also like the flowers on either side of the title. Congratulations on winning the contest!

Great job! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
47
47
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
This is a very cute and charming poem. I really enjoy poems that tell a story, and you've done a great job with following the life of a plant that starts out at a store and ends up being planted in someone's garden. Your use and choice of words really helps this come alive!

Other Comments
Another great job with your rhyme scheme. Poems don't always have to rhyme, but sometimes I think when they do, it gives them a little something extra. This also has a natural flow. I didn't spot any typos. For me, I think if you're starting each line with a capital letter, the the line before it shouldn't end with a comma (except, of course for the ones starting with 'I'). That's just me though. If you prefer it the way it is, then by all means, leave it that way.

Great job! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
48
48
Review of Sunlight Dances  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Hi, I'm reviewing this for the Talent Pond's Blazin' Hot Reviews. I enjoyed this poem. I like how it looks centered on the page, and the addition of the little leaves on either side of the title are a nice touch. You have great descriptions and have chosen awesome words to convey emotion and as I read it, I can see a little story unfolding.

Other Comments
I think the rhyme scheme you chose works really well with this and you've done a great job with sticking to it. This also flows really nicely. I think I spotted a rogue period in the second line of the last stanza between sickness and health.

Great job! Write on!!!

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by A Guest Visitor
49
49
Review of Memories  
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overall Impression
Welcome to WDC! I was pulled in by your description of this story. I'm really curious to find out what happens next. You describe Sara's feelings well surrounding all the questions she asks herself. I wish you luck with this story!

Other Comments
Remember that each person's dialogue needs to be on a separate line, so it's easier to tell who is saying what and read the correct descriptions of the thoughts with the right people. So that first paragraph needs to be separated.

If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. I wish you luck with your writing here at WDC. Keep writing!

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by A Guest Visitor
50
50
Review by ~MorningStorm~
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression
Welcome to WDC! This is a really cute and charming poem. It's nice and short, and still manages to tell a story. You've done a great job! I enjoyed reading this.

Other Comments
Your rhyme scheme really seems to work well here and you've done a great job with sticking to it. This flows really nicely and I like that you used, "okey-doke." You don't hear that phrase very often these days. Good job with incorporating dialogue into this poem, it really helps round it out.

Write on!!!

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