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502 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dave:

I found your recounting of this true incident both interesting and well written. I found no errors of grammar, spelling, ect. You made the event come alive and painted a picture of this crew.

I have an interest in history, but especially the Civil War. Thank you for sharing your story and for the links added at the end of the story!

Good Job!!

Sandy
2
2
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Shannon, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
Shannon I loved the narrative and dialog in this short story. The dialog is so good it borders on imagery.*Thumbsup*

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
This story had no slow places. It flowed as fast as a reader could read.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I think the picture at the beginning of the story was outstanding. It helped the excellent use you have of imagery in your writing.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
*Pencil*"Hells, yes!" [I would leave the s off hell in this.]


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated this short story you did a couple of years ago for a contest 5.0. It was a delightful read with great characters. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




3
3
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

RedIniquity, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*Butterflyb*Title:
I like the title you have chosen. It is enticing to a reader. We want to see exactly where or what DreamLand is. Good start!


*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
This story is filled with good dialog. It helps your reader get to know your characters and their relationship with one another. Continue the good work.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story progresses at a good speed. You are introducing your characters with some background information to let your reader know enough of their past to understand their present and future.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
There was more description in this chapter than imagery, but at this point that is perfectly fine. The latter part of your chapter relays to the reader the emotional state of your characters thus far. This is really good for a first chapter.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

*Pencil*I was unsure if you intended to use the word deadened or deadended in your second paragraph. I think the latter reads best.

*Pencil*heals should be heels


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated this chapter as a 4.0. I am hooked. I'd like to know more of what happens to Joven. What comes next?

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




4
4
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Bob, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
You did a really good job with this part of your story.



*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
The story was easily understood and there were no slow lags between scenes. [/c}

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
It was easy to get into the characters with the manner in which you described their every move.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
*Pencil*About a year ago Robert went to the local college got his GED and signed up for an electrical course.
[You need a comma after college and GED.]

*Pencil* Robert however was a different story. [You need to off set however with commas.]

*Pencil*When ever should be whenever.

*Pencil*Robert said and took a seat in the rocking chair beside her
[You need a period at the end of this sentence.]


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I gave you a rating of 4.0 on this work. It was well written and held the element of comedy. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




5
5
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Randi, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*Butterflyb*Title:
I think your title is perfect. It made your reader want to find out who Calvin is, what he does and why he sits beside you.*Thumbsup*

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
I thought you did an excellent job with the narrative of this story. The dialog was done in a believable manner.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
The story was a short one, yet, told a delightful story.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I could well envision Calvin as he went from window to window and trying to get through the door to that which he thought might endanger his master. Good job!


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors in punctuation nor spelling. I would, however, go back through the story and weed out the word "and". In some cases they are necessary. In others, they are redundant.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated this story a 4.0. Thank you for sharing your work.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




6
6
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Raven, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*Butterflyb*Title:
I found the title to be fascinating. It drew me like a magnet to this story. Good job.*Thumbsup*


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story was interesting and easy to understand.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
*Pencil*The Lake is still like a mirror, I must rest for I have traveled many miles quickly.
[I would make this two sentences by changing the comma to a period.]

*Pencil*she is floating over the water like a white sheet blowing in the wind. [You have already used the word floating once in this paragraph. Why not try hovering.]

*Pencil* She reaches out to me with her eyes, they are like blue fire and I cannot look away from her. [Let's tweak this a little. She reaches out to me with her eyes of blue fire. I cannot look away from her.]

*Pencil* What are they I ask she says they are all who have passed on before you, those like yourself Warriors who have no fear, the need to protect others so strong that they choose to stay and fight for those who need them.

"What are they?" I ask.

"They are all who have passed on before you, those like yourself, Warriors who have no fear, the need to protect others so strong that they choose to stay and fight for those who need them."


*Pencil*have shown ourselves too for many years. Too should be to.

*Pencil* She moved forward and blew right through me, as she did I breathed in the mist and could feel her essence as she disappeared. [Change the comma to a period and start a new sentence.]

*Pencil*She was right they were close I could smell them and feel there fear as I was only someone they had heard stories about.
This sentence has several mistakes within it.

She was right. They were so close I could smell them and feel their fear. I was an enigma. Someone they had only heard stories about.


*Pencil* Except one, Choto, an Apache who had try to track me once before. [This is a sentence fragment.
Only one knew me. Choto, who was an Apache, had tried to track me once before.]


*Pencil*I let him live that time but this time I would take his life for not seeing the gift I had given him. [You need a comma before but.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I rated this story 4.5. It had some minor errors. It was a riveting read for me. I devour anything written about or for The First People. I look forward to looking into your portfolio to see what other jewels may be there. Thank you for sharing your work and talent.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




7
7
Review of Fallen Angel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Lauren, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Title:
I think you have chosen well for a title of this poem. It enticed me to read your work.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I liked the form used for this work. The poem flowed as poetry should. *Thumbsup*


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
You did and wonderful job of using imagery in this poem to evoke emotions from your readers.{/}

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors in punctuation nor spelling in your poem.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I gave you a rating of 4.5 for your work. I enjoyed the poem greatly. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




8
8
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Cheryl, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
You did an excellent job with the narrative of this story. Your dialog was done very well.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story did not lag. It was interesting from beginning to end and covered a part of history many have wondered about. I think you did an outstanding job of turning the "what if" of this disappearance of a famous person into a delightful story.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
Your imagery enabled me to feel as if I were on the island with your characters.*Thumbsup*


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors of grammar, punctuation, nor spelling within your work.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I gave you a rating of 4.5 for your story which looks to be an entry to a contest. It was a good read. Thank you for sharing your talent and your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer



9
9
Review of Best Laid Plans  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


Fiare, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
You have done a great job with this area of your writing in such a short story.*Thumbsup*


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story was easy to follow and had no lag whatsoever from beginning to finish.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
Great! I could hear them giggling, sparring and enjoying that rare moment a couple married for a long time has too few of. I could really see their shocked faces in a "Uh Oh!" moment. I laughed out loud.*Thumbsup*


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
*Pencil* His long hours at work had been wearing on their relationship but she was determined to not add to his stress by complaining about it. [You need a comma after relationship.]

*Pencil*“Did you stop for a drink on the way home? Do I detect the smell of alcohol on your breath? [You need closing quotation marks at the end of this sentence.]

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I give you a 4.5 rating for this piece of work. I think it was probably originally done for a short fiction contest. While it was very short, it carried a wallop of talent! It had interest, believability, comedy, and good imagery wrapped in a small package. Your title was a bonus and as such the bow on the package. Thank you for sharing your work and talent.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




10
10
Review of Isolated  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Connor, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Title:
You chose well for a title to this poem. It makes a reader want to find out isolation from who or what. A title is very important to an author's work, for if a reader is never drawn to read it in the first place all the excellent writing in the world will never be known.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I liked the form and flow of your writing.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I think you did an excellent job here of showing your reader the inside of this wife's mind and thoughts. You emphasized the emotions of one who is not physically alone, yet, is in absolute isolation spiritually.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors in punctuation nor spelling within your work.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated your poem a 4.0. It was a disturbing poem with dark emotions from this unhappy wife. You did a good job of exhibiting that. Thank you for sharing your work.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




11
11
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Jaden, I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:
I'm not sure I would have chosen this as my title for this story. While it was about two good friends it was more about a mystery man.


*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
You did well with your dialog between the two friends.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story moved at a good pace, easy for your reader to understand.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I feel you did a good job in this area of your work. It could be improved on a bit by making your reader smell the delicious aroma of a steaming cup of dark, rich coffee and other things that could be fleshed out a bit.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I did find some errors of punctuation, spelling and grammar. I have listed them below.

*Pencil* No matter which way she turned, or tucked the light was determined to make her wake up. [You need a comma after tucked as well.]

*Pencil*She walked the eight paces to the door, than another five paces to the bathroom. [than should be then]

*Pencil*‘I swear I just fell asleep’ she thought to herself. It would be pointless to say it out loud considering she was the only one in the house.

[This sentence is not incorrect as it is written. I am going to show you how to do it another way in case you don't know how already. You can put the character's thoughts in italics and not use extra words to let your reader know one is talking to themselves or thinking to themselves.

To do that on WDC's website it would look like this when creating the item:
{ i } before the dialog and { /i } after the thinking. No spaces between { i } nor { /i } It should look like this when saved:
I swear I just fell asleep.

*Pencil*coffee’s should be coffees

*Pencil* they have been inseparable. [This should be they had been]

*Pencil* Ah, that must be it thought Chantelle. [This should be separate from Crystin's dialog. It can be done as you did before or as I illustrated above with italics.]

*Pencil* She took a deep breath and almost feel over. [should be fell]


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I rated this piece a 3.5. It needs a little work on it to rate higher. Also, I felt as if it were the prologue to a story, an introduction. The ending left me hanging somewhat. If you choose to go back to do any editing to it I would be honored to re-rate it to a higher rate.

Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




12
12
Review of A kind of Joe  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Nick,I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:
Your use of dialog between your characters was good. It was believable for this story. The narrative was good for a short piece.


Title:
I really like the title. It is what enticed me to find out what this story was about. Very good. Even the best story ever isn't much good it no one wants to read it.



*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I think you could have done a somewhat better job in this area. While the characters were believable and they had interaction with one another, some fleshing out of your story would greatly improve it.


Suggestions and Typos:
*Pencil*I found no errors of spelling, grammar, nor punctuation in your story.

*Pencil*Your story would be easier read if double spaced.

*Pencil*“If you wanted me to give you a sound spanking, you could have just asked,' Tommy the Gun told the slinky blonde currently wrapped in his bed sheets and nothing else. She pouted at him as he put out his smoke and flipped his hat to the top hook of the coat rack.


Example of fleshing:
She lay upon his bed one dainty naked foot peeking out from under the crisp sheets. There was no doubt her voluptuous body was clothed in only the sheets. Tommy the Gun didn't see her clothes lying anywhere, but his eyes could detect the obvious. One strand of her curly blond hair had slipped enticingly over her left eye. A definite pout encased her full lips as Tommy put out his smoke and nonchalantly flipped his hat to the top hook of the coat rack. "If you wanted me to give you a sound spanking, you could have just asked," Tommy drawled in his natural Boston mob accent.

"If you wanted me to give you a sound spanking, you could have just asked," Tommy drawled in his natural Boston mob accent.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I gave you a 3.5 rating for this story. While I think you have a good plot and characters for a story, I feel you need to lengthen it to add more interest value. You have some strong characters that should be easy to write about. Simply write what they would do, say and think. If you choose to go back and rewrite with some fleshing, please let me know I'd be honored to go back and re-rate your story.
.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer



13
13
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

*Heart*Joel, I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. My review will be my opinion only since I am not a professional. Any comments are meant only to encourage and inspire to continue with your talent as a writer.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
Your narrative was done well and dialog is always a plus for any story.


*ButterflyO*Title:
Your title is what drew me to read this item. Well chosen.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I experienced emotion of sorrow and a sense of peace both as grandfather passed from one life unto another.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I did not find any grammar, punctuation, nor spelling errors.

*Idea*I would like to suggest you either go back and change the heading as to this being non-fiction rather than a fictional short story if it is left written as is. It is a very good memorial to your grandfather, yet lacks something as a short story.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated this as 4.0 since it is listed as a short story. I would be glad to go back and re-rate it to a 5.0 as a non-fiction piece. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer





14
14
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

*Heart*elizjohn, I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. My review will be my opinion only since I am not a professional. Any comments are meant only to encourage and inspire to continue with your talent as a writer.

*Butterflyr*Title:
The title of your poem attracted me instantly. It drew my interest to find what lay within. Good job.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I am not as versed in rhyming schemes and forms of poetry to give a formal opinion here. I liked the form you used, however. It was unique to me. I had never seen it before. It is pleasing and inviting to the eye on a printed page...a definite plus for poetry. I am unsure why the fourth stanza has more lines than the other stanzas.

I like the flow of this poem read both aloud and silently.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
You did a wonderful job in this area of your poem. It evoked emotion in your reader and each step of this journey was visible due to your good use of imagery.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I did not find anything I would change.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I rated this work 4.5. It had a great impact and was most enjoyed. Thank you for sharing your work.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer





15
15
Review of Faces of God  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

*Heart*I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. My review will be my opinion only since I am not a professional. Any comments are meant only to encourage and inspire to continue with your talent as a writer.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I love the rhyming form your poem exhibits. The flow was melody to my ears and soul.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
Your talk with our Creator was charged with emotion of one close to Him and sharing their thoughts and feelings.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I did not find any spelling nor punctuation errors.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*I give you a 5.0 rating for a perfectly formed poem of faith and love. Thank you for sharing your work.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer




16
16
Review of Torn  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*Heart*Layla, I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. My review will be my opinion only since I am not a professional. Any comments are meant only to encourage and inspire to continue with your talent as a writer.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
You have chosen to write this poem in the Sestina Form. I am not an expert on poetry, but is seems to follow form well. The flow of the poem is also done well.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I think you did a wonderfully exceptional job of using imagery to evoke a myriad of emotions with your poem. It was a moving read.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors of spelling nor punctuation within your work. Good job!


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*My rating for this poem was 4,0. The last line of the poem was especially poignant. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer



17
17
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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{{font:comic}*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*
*Heart*Chip, I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. My review will be my opinion only since I am not a professional. Any comments are meant only to encourage and inspire to continue with your talent as a writer.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
You did a good job with narrating this story of an uncle telling a story to his nieces. The dialog was done well and added to the believability of the story.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I felt you could have done a somewhat better job in this area of your tale. Perhaps, added more fleshing out and extended the descriptions of someone being shot with a poisoned arrow. It would have built the suspense factor somewhat.

That being said, I really liked the explanations given along the way about "little humans", and the tree frogs. This would be an interesting topic to older children and adults as well.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions, Punctuation, Grammar, & Spelling:
I found several errors in this area of your writing. I have listed some of them below. It would be wise to go back to your story and search for other such errors. The story is a good one, but these minor errors do detract from its impact on your reader.

center}
*Pencil* He was a nice looking fifty-year old, yet he was only forty-two. This sentence is confusing to me. Perhaps it could be rewritten similar to this: He appeared to be a nice looking fifty-year old, yet he was only forty-two.

*Pencil*The Vibes, O'Neil was put on the case immediately, but [You need a comma after O'Neil also.]

*Pencil*"It appears the poison was injected by some cold object as a frozen ice pick or some kind of iced needle," the captain said. Add the word such between object and as.

*Pencil* on the little humans" [Your quotation marks here should be a period.]

*Pencil* the scholar wrote. [This really confused me. I thought he was speaking. If so, this needs to be changed to 'the scholar said'. If not, the entire paragraph needs to be rewritten.]

*Pencil*a faint order of a wild animal [Should be odor]

*Pencil*Good by [Should be Goodbye.]

*Pencil* One of O'Neil's men was knocked down, as the pigmy sped outside and across Fredrick Street. [No comma needed. Also, check the spelling of pygmy. I think the correct form is with two ys.]

*Pencil*He believed no one, not anybody would ever determine that he murdered his brother. [This sentence would read smoother and be much clearer if a comma followed anybody.]

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated your story a 4.0. While it contained errors they were minor and the interest factor was high. Thank you for sharing your work with me.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer



18
18
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*Vine2**Heart**Vine1*Shannon, I have chosen you as an author to review as a participant of a Simply Positive Challenge. This review will be my opinion only. I am not a professional.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialog:
The narrative of this story was delightful. Your use of dialog was done with a good balance of speaking characters and telling the story.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your story moved along at a good pace and was easy to follow.

*Butterflyv*Characters:
Each of your characters was well defined and described. You showed your reader each characters physical attributes and allowed your reader to catch a glimpse of their spirit as well. I love Tarot! How perfect!

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
Your story is written with imagery good enough for me to see and smell the herbs and tea. You also pulled at heartstrings with the longing of a couple for a child of their own to love and nurture. I loved the way you expressed how gentle Roland could be. Every woman would love to have a man willing to even visit a witch for her happiness.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no typos, grammatical, punctuation, nor spelling errors. As such, my only suggestion would be to make the story longer and let us look in on Stephanie and Roland later. It seems this was a story for a contest with a limited number of words to be allowed. I don't feel it took anything away from the story; I was enchanted by the characters and want to know what becomes of Paisley.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*I gave your story a rating of 4.5. It was a most enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your work.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*


*Bird*Sandy~HopeWhisperer*Bird*



19
19
Review of Bitter Words  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Vine2**Heart**Vine1**Vine2**Heart**Vine1**Vine2**Heart**Vine1**Vine2**Heart**Vine1*


Hello Deanna! I chose you as an author to review and read "Bitter Words
I am doing this as a participant in a Simply Positive Challenge. Please accept my comments as an opinion only as I am not a professional.



*Butterflyg*Emotional Impact:
You nailed that on the head!*Thumbsup*


*Butterflyr*Effectiveness of Form:
Your use of this form of poetry was done perfectly. Your word count was as it should be.


*Butterflyb*Punctuation and Grammar:
I found no errors in this area of your writing.


*Star**Star**Star**Star*Closing comments and rating.:
I think you packed a wallop of meaning into only a few words. That makes you an excellent author. Poetry is one of my weak spots, but I dearly love it. I thank you for sharing your work with me. I gave your poem a rating of 4.0.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer
20
20
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

*Vine2**Poseyb**Vine1**Vine2**Poseyr**Vine1**Vine2**Poseyb**Vine1*

ChuChu, I have chosen you as an author to review as part of a Simply Positive Challenge. Please accept this review as my opinion as I am not a professional.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I feel you chose well to use a rhyming form to write this story. Not only is it a series of short poetry it tells of a lifetime of hurt, heartbreak and abuse. Even through that you were able to put words together to flow well. OUTSTANDING WRITING!

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
The emotions evoked in this piece were overwhelming. No imagery was needed. The truth was more than enough to bring out this lifetime of unwarranted cruelty.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
Share this with everyone that is willing to read it to the end and take to heart their own responsibility to really look and listen to children to attempt to intervene in such cases.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*I rated your work a 5.0. It is a profound statement that is difficult to read, yet necessary. It is my sincerest hope you are well, happy, and healthy now. You are a wonderfully brave spirit to share your story.

I am returning your 1500 GPs. Perhaps, it will allow another to find and be enlightened by your poems.

May God hold you in comforting arms when your memories assail you.


*Bird*Sandy~HopeWhisperer*Bird*








21
21
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


Ann, I have selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as a part of a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to read and enjoy your work. Any feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are based on personal opinion alone. I am not a professional.

*ButterflyR*Lyrics and Chorus:
Your choice of words are well chosen to reflect heartfelt emotions about a time of year we should all search our hearts about. I like the chorus and found myself putting it to a tune. Wonderful job!

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I felt you did an excellent job with area of your song. The verses flow as they should into the chorus and it in turn opens the field for another verse.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
You used your talent to create a wonderful holiday song that is filled with emotion, empathy, and imagery.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I only have one suggestion. Put it to music and sing. I'd love to see this done and hear the tune it is set to whether you do that or have someone else do so.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*I gave you a perfect 5.0 rating. I found nothing I would change about this song. I thank you again for sharing your work and talent.


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy~HopeWhisperer



22
22
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Dykie, I chose you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge.
Please accept these suggestions in the vein they are offered, as a help only. Anything you agree with please use. Anything you feel distracts from your work please disregard. You are after all the author.



*Key*Storyline
I feel you have chosen an excellent topic for your storyline. William Conrad Chesterton was an inspiring personality from birth on.

*Note1* First Impression:
You encapsulated seven years into a masterpiece of description of a virtuous individual.


*Note2*What I liked:
I love the way you capture the compassion of Chesterton.


*Note3* Suggestions:
You have the makings of a wonderful novella if you were to choose to go back and expand each paragraph. They could each be fleshed out to be a chapter. If this would be something you consider, you would need to have each character speak and show your reader what is happening in each scene.


*Note4*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
*Pencil*The last line of paragraph needs a comma after strangers.
*Pencil*If someone had witnessed the scene if it would have seemed strange to see a grown woman sob uncontrollably as a tall boy of seven stood with a hand resting gently on her shoulder.


*Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*Rating and Overall Comments:
I found this work to be well written and have given you a rating of 4.5. My suggestion in the suggestions part of this review is simply food for thought. I sincerely enjoyed this read and thank you for sharing it with me.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy/WhisperingHope


23
23
Review of The Promise  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*Vine2**Tulipb**Vine1*I selected you as an author to be reviewed by me as participation in a Simply Positive Challenge. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am not a professional, just a lover of reading and writing.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
I enjoyed the form and rhyme used in your work. The flow was impeccable. *Thumbsup*


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
You said volumes with your words. Such a riviting story of a promise and I had chills as I read the last stanza.


*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
I found no errors in this poetry. It was an exceptional work of poetry.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I rated your work as a 4.5. Please remember I am only offering my personal opinion. Thank you for sharing your work with me.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sandy
24
24
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Crista, I am not a professional so offer you these words as my opinion only. Your work is very good. It evoked memories within my being as a former victim of abuse as well. You captured in a few words what the abused live with daily.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:
Your choice of words telling this story of one being devastated by the one they love most each day was well done.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your poetry flowed as a poem should and I like the form you used. Your words rhymed well and brought together a long story in a few words. Good job!

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
Your work brought back a deep fear in the pit of my stomach. I remembered the days of not knowing when the next chilling episode would take place and whether or not myself nor my children would be alive to remember. The imagery was right on target.

On a brighter note the last stanza was my favorite. It is always a bright light in a day to know someone besides myself finally found courage to end the abuse and find their worth. Good for you!!



*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
My only suggestion is to continue to share your work that others may gain courage to escape the destructive cycle.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:I gave you rating of 4.5 on your work. Thank you for sharing.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*


*Bird*Sandy*Bird*



25
25
Review of Lurking Raven  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:
Your talent as a poet shines in this work. Your form and flow were flawless. Good job!*Thumbsup*

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:
I cannot envision anyone not appreciating the emotion evoked by your imagery in your poem. Wow!

My favorite stanza is the third. Excellent! Excellent!

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I would have offered suggestions had I found anything I would have changed. I read the poem several times through and enjoyed it more each time. I gave you a perfect rating of 5.0. Thank you for sharing your work.

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



*Bird*Sandy*Bird*

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