Hello turtle! I read and I want to offer yout this review:
Emotional Impact:You impart great emotional impact on your reader with this heartfelt poem. I can see you as a child attempting to be like your mother at any cost.
Effectiveness of Form:I think the form of your poem would look better if you center it. This is just a suggestion. It doesn't take away from the meaning of the poem's message left as it is currently.
Punctuation and Grammar:I found no errors here
Closing comments:My family has experienced death by suicide so your poem expressed feelings I can understand.
A beautiful recount of your illness and the lessons you have learned. This is a wonderful way to help and encourage others facing difficulties to be inspired to look beyond the pain, the fear, the dark clouds to the sun shinning beyond the dardness. Many prayers at WDC were answered when you got back with us. Prayers for your continued good health.
Hi ARALLS! After reading "Jaycee's Imagination" , I offer you these comments:
Please accept these suggestions in the vein they are offered, as a help only. Anything you agree with please use.
First Impression:Beautiful story in more ways than one. Precious moments shared with a daughter can never be replaced.
What I liked:That Mom learned a valuable lesson from a child in tune with God's gift of Guardian Angels.
Suggestions:Wouldn't change a thing.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:I found no errors here.
A touching story that will stay with me. Thank you.
Hello! I read "Southern Woods" and I want to offer yout this review:
Emotional Impact: You offer your reader your feelings about your surroundings in a resounding manner.
Effectiveness of Form: I thought the form was excellent. A bonus is that centered your poem even resembles a tree in shape. Outstanding!!
Punctuation and Grammar: I found no errors here.
Closing comments:I loved your poem. The title captivated me instantly. I am from the South and love the woods. My favorite part of your poem was the giggling water. Wonderful poem!
Hello Kat! I read "Once Upon a Time" and I want to offer yout this review:
Emotional Impact:Your poem shows rather than tells of the emotions experienced. How quickly our whole world can be transformed. You captured the anguish this can cause.
Effectiveness of Form:I saw no problems with the form of your poem.
Punctuation and Grammar:Again, I found no errors here.
Closing comments:You opened my eyes to a new medical condition that can have catastrophic effects. You also showed a person with beauty and strength.
Hello turtlegreen! I read "Discarded v3" and I want to offer you this review:
Emotional Impact:I could visualize the setting and grief experienced by the character in your poetry. Good job of portraying his feeings.
Effectiveness of Form:The form you chose to write the poem is interesting. I wasn't sure I liked it at first glance, but found it to enhance the poem itself as I read.
Punctuation and Grammar:I found no errors in this poem.
Closing comments:Good poem! It was very effective and easy to read. I liked the descriptions of the cats and could almost smell the cat urine at the end.
A very poignant poem. It is written in a manner that puts the reader in the room with Granny as she takes her last breath. Your descriptions are very accurate and form a poem written from the heart. The emotion seeps from each word as we see Granny struggle to live and a daughter struggling through shock to no avail. And now remain memories horded within a heart and a record of Granny's last breath.
Hello C.J. After reading "V V Chap One - revised 8/26/09" , I offer you these comments:
Please accept these suggestions in the vein they are offered, as a help only. Anything you agree with please use. As I stated in reviewing the third chapter of Vampire Vacation if you don't agree with the suggestions, it is your story.
First Impression: Good first chapter. You give a good description of the Inn and it's owners.
What I liked: The interaction of Viv and her husband.
Suggestions: I think it would read smoother if you changed I run, with my husband, to My husband and I run Instead of We do get about 4 hours of sleep to We do get about four hours of sleep Use either numbers or written out numbers when referring to time. Stay consistent throughout the story. Earlier you put 5 p.m. then four p.m.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:I didn't find any errors in this area of this first chapter.
I enjoyed this part of your book. I am looking forward to reading Chapter 2. I am anxious to see what comes next which is what you want your readers to feel.
Hi C.J.! After reading {item:1538173 }, I offer you these comments:
Please accept these suggestions in the vein they are offered, as a help only. Anything you agree with please use. It is your story, however, so if my suggestions are not in line with your gut feeling for your story keep it as it is.
First Impression:You offer a good description in this chapter of where the characters are. You also reveal much about the personalities of the characters.
What I liked:I could easily visualize the room and erotic feelings from your characters. I could feel the power Vivian exudes.
Suggestions:You use unnecessary words such as and too much. Your writing would be stronger if you eliminate many of them and form two sentences.
Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:I found a couple of misspelled words and left those on the system you had with the numbers on your individual paragraphs. This was a super idea.
I will be visiting your port to read more of your work. I enjoyed this chapter and want to get more acquainted with your writing.
The Rising Star Group is a very beneficial program. It is a boost to everyone involved. It can forge lifelong friendships as well as helping one anothe become better authors and realizing our dreams and aspirations. I am honored to be considered for membership in the group and look forward to being an active partner with you.
Hi Trish! After reading "FEAR" , I offer you these comments:
Your story is one with potential for being very good. It does need some polishing, which can easily be done. Please accept these suggestions as just that, suggestions. Use anything you think works better. It is your story and should remain that way.
First Impression:
Your story has a good beginning, capturing the readers interest at the very start of the story. It can be improved on in the middle with some rewriting to enhance the anticipation Janet feels as her fear possesses her from the inside out.
What I liked: I really liked the twist at the end using the neighbor's dog as the culprit causing her deep fear.
Suggestions: Go back and see where commas might help your story read smoother.
Several sentences could have words deleted, yet keep the same meaning. Example:{/ b}She stood there watching for a minute seeing nothing.
When a character is talking to themselves or thinking use italics for clarity to the reader. This helps the story to progress easier and helps the reader discern when the character is speaking to another person or themselves. In your story Janet only spoke to herself, but italics would still have been appropriate.
Paragraph 4 needs a rewrite. Your concept of showing Janet's fear is on target. However, more words than necessary actually take away from the fear factor sometimes. I will give you an example of what I mean then you read the entire paragraph and see if you agree and can expand on this idea.
Feeling along the counter where she knew she had candles, her fingers wrapped around one clutching it with a death grip. Janet made her way in the dark to the stove touching the back in search for the kitchen matches kept there. As she pulled the box open,with hands shaking, matches flew everywhere. I would also begin a new paragraph here.
Your imagery could be improved on with eliminating excess wording, thus increasing suspense.
You did a good job beginning your story with high interest factor and suspense. You have a good plot and Janet shows real conflict with her own emotions and fear. I think you have an outstanding ending with Duke.
Again, these are only suggestions and reflect things I myself have learned from other reviewers at WDC. Your writing only needs some refining.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Write on!
Excellent advice on writing Flash Fiction. I have been wanting to give it a try, but tend to be wordy. I feel more equiped to tackle one of these contests now. It will be a good exercise in making every word count. The points you outlined will be more than helpful. Thanks.
Wonderful! Wonderful! It is a lesson so many throughout our world need to learn and to live. Far too often individuals are too quick to compartmentalize another person based on color of skin, abilities or lack thereof. This is a very well written poem.
I enjoyed your poem. I like the message you impart through your writing. I am not versed enough on meter myself to offer any suggestions or even praise on that part of your writing. I do, however, know what shows a great expression and emotions. I think your poetry is really good and readers will enjoy it.
The content of this story is very good. You could use a comma after poor in your first paragraph rather than a period. The girl who wore hand-me-down uniforms and second-hand shoes is not a complete sentence as it is written. You could use commas for pauses to clarify reading somewhat in a couple of places but the piece is well written and very true.
This was such a haunting description of the vicious circle alcohol can cause. The abuse is well described in the lives of all three women. Each thinks she is stopping the circle of abuse and causing the pain to cease by ending her own life, yet all that does is keep the circle going. Very sad but so true.
Whoa!!! This was such an intriguing story. I never had even a clue it would turn out as it did. Very good writing. I cannot find anything I would change about your facinating story. I liked the way you carried your readers throught the story with Greg's journal. Again very enjoyable reading.
The emotions reflected in this poem are well done. It would be easier to read and have a more appealing look if it were written in poem form without the slashes for punctuation. I am wondering if you purposfully uses lower case i's to represent your feeling insignificant. These are only suggestions for your writing is heartfelt and good as a whole.
This is a very well written piece. It is very factual in the manner of concentration and openess to the voice of spirits needed to understand the tarot. The story holds the reader's interest and makes you want to know what happened to Christine after this. However, it is a complete story as it stands.
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You offer your reader your feelings about your surroundings in a resounding manner. 
I thought the form was excellent. A bonus is that centered your poem even resembles a tree in shape. Outstanding!!
I found no errors here.
It was right on target! I have a 4 year old grandson living with me and YOU WERE RIGHT ON TARGET!
I enjoyed your poem immensely. I look forward to exploring your port for more delights.
Good first chapter. You give a good description of the Inn and it's owners. 
I think it would read smoother if you changed I run, with my husband, to 
Your imagery could be improved on with eliminating excess wording, thus increasing suspense.