The Paper Cup:(Title, etc)
The title, description, rating and chosen genres all fit this poem perfectly, though the type is listed as other and could be poetry.
The Cocoa:(Contents)
The short lines really drew me in; it reminded me of post-panic attack breathing, the short breaths when trying to regain composure and control. The flow was smooth from beginning to end and the seemingly random rhymes added a nice rhythm and did not feel forced.
The Whipped Cream:(Imagery, Emotion)
The imagery was strong, especially toward the end, but it also remained very reader-driven, bringing back memories from the reader's own experiences which made this poem very easy to relate to. The emotion was VERY strong. Not only were my emotions stirred by memories that came back, but your words really strengthened my feelings. You did a wonderful job of capturing the emotions!
The Cinnamon:(Suggestions) The broken image tag at the top could be removed. While this flowed nicely, it did feel, to me, like some additional punctuation could make it even better. You did a nice job of utilizing line breaks, though, which helped me to guide me while reading.
The Lid:(Overall Thoughts)
I think that you did a great job with this poem! It is simple to tell what was happening and understand what you were going through at that time --or had just been through.
My Feelings:
I love the message of this poem. It was very freeing to read, like a friend saying, "It's okay."
My Suggestions:
The only thing that I think could make this poem better is punctuation. I know that it's a personal preference, but I think it would really help to guide the reader's voice and make the flow even smoother while reading.
My Thoughts:
This is another well-written poem that I fell in love with! The flow was quite smooth and everything was simple to follow and understand. This definitely hit home for me --as I would assume it would for anyone here at WDC! The message is wonderful and encouraging! I love it!
What stayed with me:
This is a great tribute --a bit creepy, but also a delight!
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Overall Thoughts:
I know that I've read this before (several times, even), but it's been sitting in my bookmarks without a review. I'm pretty bad at reading lyrics without a tune, so I handled this like a poem and the flow was smooth from beginning to end. No rhymes felt forced and everything was simple to follow and understand. This is a wonderful contribution to the world of "Arts meets Science"!
As far as the song linked from here: It is beautiful. I was expecting something heavier, but I really enjoyed it!
What stayed with me:
This is very touching and filled with love.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Overall Thoughts:
This poem is simple and to the point. The scene that you lay out is touching and wonderfully written. I could envision and feel everything. The aabb rhyme scheme worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth without any rhymes feeling forced. This was an adorable and sweet read! I love it!
What stayed with me:
The thought that went into your name is just mind-blowing! It's so inspired and creative!
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, however, In Paragraph 3, there is a new line started at what seems like the last sentence.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is well-written and another great introduction into your mind and writing. That you delve so deeply into the back-story of your chosen name is just superb! Your story is one that I'm sure many can relate to and I wish you all of the best with your endeavors!
What stayed with me:
The urge to start rummaging through your port!
Suggestions:
There was only one thing that I noticed: reviewing other [peoples] work Peoples' - should be possessive.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is a wonderful introduction to you and your port. By the end, I had a better sense of what I may find in your port as well as feeling as though I had just met another great people and WDC member. This is a terrific idea and I absolutely love it!
What stayed with me:
The chills! LOL. I'm glad that I read this early in the day otherwise I'd surely be having nightmares tonight.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos. There were a few times, on my first reading, when the flow seemed to have a bit of a "hiccup" here and there, but I couldn't find them exactly on my next two reads. I think it may have been because of the differing syllable counts which kept me from really getting into a steady flow... Or, it could just be me not reading it right today.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is very well-written. It definitely oozes with darkness and death. The message comes through clearly as this whole poem seems to be shouting a very big, bold warning to the reader. Everything was simply to follow and understand and no rhymes felt forced. Very well done, my dear!
What stayed with me:
This brought back a whole lot of memories for me --many road trips and beautiful sights! Thank you!
Suggestions:
As I read this poem, there were a few things that popped into my head that might make this poem even better... The punctuation throughout the poem is inconsistent which made it hard for me to get comfortable with the reading because I was never sure if I would have extra guide or not. I think that added more punctuation would really improve the flow as well as making sure that your poem is read as you want it to be read. Line 7: This line tripped me up a bit. There is an extra space after As which didn't effect me much, but the meaning seemed to be lost as this line felt a little redundant; farther away and out of town both seem to be saying nearly the same thing. It felt more natural to me without the word away. Three of the first four lines are each ten syllables; the third, though, has only nine. This caught my attention because it allowed me to get settled into one "beat" and then it changes. I wonder how this poem would be if you carried that ten-syllable count throughout the poem... Just a thought, though. Line 10: longer[ ],
There's a stray space here, but I also wonder about changing the comma in this line to a semi-colon as there are two separated but connected thoughts here. In the last two couplets, the rhyme changes which caught me very off guard. Since it seems that the rhymes are intertwined here, perhaps make the ending a quatrain to show the difference? I also wonder about adding just a bit more imagery of the final "stopping" place.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is a great poem, though I think that you could make it better by just spending a little more time with it. Everything was simple to follow and understand and I really love the fun, lighthearted tone of it which got me excited right away! Great work, my dear!
What stayed with me:
This was a refreshing read. One to which I think many readers will relate.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is very well-written and a great display of faith and talent. The flow was smooth and everything was simple to follow and understand. This really left me thinking about my own life and how many times I have felt the need to start over, wishing I could find so much faith in my heart. This was freeing to read. You feelings throughout are clear and yet there is still plenty of room for the reader's emotions to bloom while reading. Wonderful!
What stayed with me:
Since Autumn has always been my favorite season, I love that this poem brought me into that beautiful time of year --especially while we're getting into the warm weather that I dread!
Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, however, there did seem to be an extra syllable in the third line. My guess is that it's over the word orange. It could be an accent thing, but I count it as two (just to be safe, I also looked at dictionary.com for confirmation, which says two as well). Then again, I could be completely wrong and the syllable could have slipped through your fingers elsewhere. Also, in the same line, there is an extra space after red.
My Overall Thoughts:
This is very well-written. The imagery is strong and beautiful; I could easily envision the change of season. The calm, relaxed tone, to me, was quite enchanting and drew me even deeper into the poem. You captured autumn with seeming ease and I love it!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Reviewed as part of your drink from "The Coffee House " gifted by ~WhoMe???~.
My Feelings:
Since it's raining outside my window, I was drawn to this poem as soon as I saw the title. I love it's simplicity. Not only have you managed to capture a Spring rainstorm in beautiful wording, but you tied it wonderfully with a reflective ending that left me just sitting here thinking for a while before I reread and started reviewing...
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Thoughts:
The free verse form really worked beautifully with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end. I did not detect any "hiccups" nor did I have to reread any line. You brought me right into the scene and left me with a smile and a million thoughts. This says so much and yet it is so simple... I am just awed!
My Feelings:
This poem, to me, felt very deep and easy to relate to. I think that it could be interpreted in many different ways depending on the readers' own experiences in life which, to me, is an amazing thing.
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos. The only thing (and I"m only mentioning it since it happened, LOL) that I noticed was with wondering in the second stanza. I read this poem about five times and every other time, my brain read, wandering. On those reads, there was still weight there, but it seemed to give me a little bit of a different take on the words... Which was a new experience, LOL, since it now feels like I've read two different poems...
My Thoughts:
You stuck wonderfully to the form. The rhymes did not feel forced and I did not count any extra nor missing syllables. A beautiful poem, in my opinion!!!
My Feelings:
This is simply stated and beautifully worded. It is a comfort and filled with strength, longing, and sadness. You managed to fit a whole lot into such a small space!
My Suggestions:
I tried, but couldn't come up with a single one.
My Thoughts:
Short and to the point, but is wonderfully well-written and creative. Beautiful!
My Feelings:
This poem definitely hit home! It is simple to relate to and I understood your feelings right off the bat!
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos. The only suggestion that I could think up was about the titles in the first stanza. I wonder if italicizing them would keep them stand out, but without making them feel too detached from the rest of the poem...
My Thoughts:
This is very well-written and flowed smoothly. I love the feeling portrayed, that need to read... You got it across beautifully!
My Feelings:
You did a great job of setting up the scene and bringing me into the story! I could see it all playing out before my eyes! I did, however, feel that the constraints of the contest rules (I'm guessing Daily Flash. 300 words max?) left this story feeling a bit unfinished. While it felt pretty well-rounded, I was still left wondering about the details of the "why". I think that it also constricting the development of the reader/character connection... I was never quite sure who I should feel sorry for.
My Suggestions: Add more! I would LOVE to see where you could take this given more freedom of words! Paragraph 5
This paragraph caught me up a little bit as, once the cloth is removed, I expected the next speaker to be James, but it was not...
My Thoughts:
This is very well-written and you handled the present tense wonderfully, without ever slipping into past! Everything was simple to follow and understand. I think that, without the limitations of a contest, you could easily make this a mind-blowing longer story --perhaps even a novel!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Review given as part of your drink from "The Coffee House " gifted by ~WhoMe???~!
My Feelings:
This poem left me sitting back and reflecting. It is quite thought-provoking and has this great reflective tone to it that I really just love! I also love that the message is so simple and yet so deep.
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Thoughts:
The free verse form worked very well with your words to keep the flow smooth from beginning to end. Everything was simple to follow and understand. The imagery is just wonderful! I could not only envision it all, but I felt like I was right there beside you, seeing and feeling everything. This is a great display of your talent for bringing your reader into the scene. I just love it... What more can I say?
My Feelings:
This was a nice, calm poem with a very relaxing tone to it. You did a great job of capturing the essence of writing poetry while also... writing poetry! This really reminded me of the part that's been feeling lost as of late and I found it very inspirational! Thank you!
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos. While you stuck wonderfully to the form, it felt, to me, like it broke up the words a bit too much here and there as I read this the first time. I also felt that there could be more added to this as the last two stanzas focus on specific types of writing. Perhaps another stanza or two would bring it full circle by exploring more types of writing or going back to the more generalized feeling of the first two?
My Thoughts:
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is very well-written and says much more than the words on the screen. The wording is beautiful and drew me right into the poem. A million memories and images flooded through my mind as I read. Great job and good luck in the contest!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Review 2 of 2 from "The Coffee House " . (Sorry for the delay, Mr. Jace... I claimed your "drink" after someone else did, but they haven't reported it as finished, so I'm doing another review to make sure you get your order in full!)
My Feelings:
This was, all at once, what I expected and not what I expected at all! (Much to my husband's dismay, there was no "front view" speech for me to relay to him. LOL. Though, he did agree with what I DID read aloud to him...). I laughed and blushed all the way through this piece! It's something that few [attached and/or married] men will admit to that I can't help but admire your honestly! (My husband once rear-ended a car while watching a jogger --he was a teen at the time, but, still... LOL). I love this glimpse into not only your mind, but just plain the plain nature of the male "species". You wrote this in such a way that I can't even see how ANY female could ever be offended by such writing or such an act!
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head. (My two notes on that sentence: 1) I read this through three times because the first two times, I felt like I might have missed something while laughing or blushing and 2) Perhaps write a second piece for the "coming before the going"?).
My Thoughts:
This is well-written and incredibly entertaining. I love it's honesty. I love that you are so comfortable with yourself that you share this freely --and will stand by it! So few men would do that. The flow was smooth and everything was simple to follow and understand. This gave me a little more understanding into my husband's head to boot! C'mon, what more could I really ask for from words on a screen? Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this, Mr. Jace!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is review 4 of 4 of your order from "The Coffee House " gifted by Adriana Noir!
My Feelings:
*Shudders* You managed to squeeze so much into this story! I felt for the main character is such a way that I understand and felt his emotions all the way through the story. When Jess appeared, I had the same experience with her. Their feelings became my own and at the end... Well, I'm sure you can imagine how I feel right now!
My Suggestions: Paragraph 7: finger[-]combed
I think that adding hyphenation here would help better to link the words together as one thought. Paragraph 10
Since this is the dialogue connected to the preceding paragraph, it need not be on its own, but should be part of paragraph 9. Paragraph 12: Leaning back...[,] she stretched.
Since there are two actions here, I think that separating them with a comma would improve the clarity and flow here. Paragraph 17
Here, again, the dialogue is separated by a paragraph break from the speaker. While it is still easy to understand, it does seem to take away from the flow, for me. Paragraph 27
See above.
My Thoughts:
I found this story to be very well-written. I could see everything playing out before and didn't want to turn away once (well, maybe once... LOL). This has a very creative storyline and, honestly, I didn't see the ending coming AT ALL until I read it --and still wasn't sure if I'd read it right! LOL. The characters are wonderfully developed and the plot is just superb! I'd love to see these characters again! (That could be due to the strong reader/character bond that you've managed to develop). I don't know what else to say. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story!! Thank you for sharing it with the WDC community!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Review 3 of 4 from "The Coffee House "
My Feelings:
This is a very touching story that I think you could really build into a longer story, even a novel. The character development was wonderful. I felt an immediate attachment to Carlie (even though I read half of the story reading "Charlie" in stead of Carlie... Oops... LOL). The ever-important empathy factor was really astounding! I hate romance, but I actually felt myself getting a bit choked up.
My Suggestions: Paragraph 2: that had been[.]
To me, this period caught me off-guard because I think that this sentence could be said with more enthusiasm than that of a period. Perhaps an exclamation point would better reflect the enthusiasm of the sentence? Paragraph 3: Girls['] Academy
I'm not sure if this should be possessive or not (it's currently not). My brain is having a bit of a war over it, so I figured I'd just mention it in the case that you want to have your own debate or know better than I. Paragraph 5 on:
Many of the paragraphs are not indented as in the beginning, including those consisting of dialogue. I figured I should mention it. Paragraph 14 (I counted the letter as one paragraph.): off ya[,] girl,...
Since "girl" is being spoken to, there should be a comma before the word. The ending:
Earlier in the story, it is implied that Father Patrick knows Mark is coming, but that's never explained. How did he know that he would be there? How did he know to stall?
My Thoughts:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story! It is well-written and I really loved its simplicity, which felt only a little complex, yet was clear and straightforward. It was very touching. Everything flowed wonderful and was simple to follow and understand. I wonder if you'll revisit these characters. I felt a bit attached to them by the end and want to know how it all turns out for them in the long run!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Review 2 of 4 of your drink from "The Coffee House " purchsed by Adriana Noir!
My Feelings:
This is quite a steamy tale, though without too much{/i] detail. I like that this piece focuses more on the emotional side than the action side. It did, however, feel to me like there could be more to this story, that this could easily be made longer. The mention of the elevator really made me want to know about the abduction...
My Suggestions: Paragraph 5: work[-]roughened
I think that hyphenating here would help to better link these words together as one description.
My Thoughts:
This is another very well-written and emotional story. Everything was simple to follow and understand. I could easily envision and feel everything!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is review 1 of 4 of your drink from "The Coffee House " purchased by Adriana Noir! Hope you enjoy your refreshment!
My Feelings:
This story is incredibly emotional and left me with tears on my cheeks. You handled such a tragic story with tact and talent that made every emotion easy to understand and feel. I don't know that I even breathed while reading this because I felt myself constantly holding my breath...
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, though one small suggestion did pop into my head: Paragraph 7: my head[,] I try...
Since there are two actions here, my brain did a little automatic pause, so I wonder if a comma should be here...
My Thoughts:
This story is a wonderful display of your talent for bringing the reader into the story and make him/her see, hear, and feel everything. Everything flowed smoothly and was simply to follow and understand. Not once did I have to reread a sentence or feel like I'd missed something. This truly yanked on my heartstrings... This tragedy is written perfectly, in my opinion!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Review 2 of 2 of your Regular Coffee from "The Coffee House " which is being served with the following message: "For participating in Product Reviews Day" from StephBee Salutes 2 Service
My Feelings:
This poem stirred up a lot of memories and had me smiling all of the way through! Playing in snow is something that I don't think we ever outgrow --and, even when we do, just seeing it brings us right back to those days. You captured that thought wonderfully and relayed the meaning of the quotation prompt with seeming ease! Add to that the daunting "Sestina" form that makes me want to run and hide when I see the name, and this was a true display of talent all around!
My Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammatical errors or typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my head.
My Thoughts:
You did an amazing job with this form and the flow was smooth from beginning to end. This is a great display of not only your talent for writing, but also of bringing the reader into the scene and making them SEE and FEEL it all! I absolutely loved this and was delighted that it remained light --there was no tragedy or tear-inducing emotion,.. just lighthearted winter fun --And what could be better than that?
My Feelings:
This got ME hyped up! The conversational and enthusiastic tone that you maintained from beginning to end made this feel like you could be talking to so many different people! "Dear Me" entries oftentimes feel so personal that I feel like I'm invading the writer's privacy by reading it... Yours, though, actually felt like it was not only written as a personal letter, but also one that could serve as a shove for a lot of others. I was nodding, blushing, and giggling all the way through! I love that this was lighthearted, and yet serious. It held my attention and was just a delight! I think that this will inspire all of its readers to follow suit!
My Suggestions:
Just one little thing stuck out to me: In the second paragraph, I got a little caught up in the second sentence. Noisy muse take up...: I think that you may have meant "muses".
My Thoughts:
This is very well-written and I wish you the best of luck with your goals! This was fun and entertaining, yet also felt like a great kick in rear! Everything was simple to follow and understand; the flow was very smooth. I don't know what else I can say... I loved this!!!
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I really enjoyed this poem. It tells a good story while also being easy to relate to for many, I think. The build-up is well done and while I knew where this was going, I still felt much anticipation of the ending as I was not sure exactly how it would end; The buildup also worked very well to develop a strong character/reader connection so that I not only understood what was happening, but FELT it! Far too many people have been in similar situations and you did a wonderful job of handling this with care and tact. The flow was smooth from beginning to end.
The only suggestion that popped into my head as in the final stanza. In the second line of this stanza, I wonder if replacing the ending period with a colon would help the flow and impact here as it is an introduction its following line.
All in all, I loved this poem and think that you truly did a wonderful job! Write on!
,
Stephanie Grace
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